The Worst player you've ever had/seen/been/heard of

[Kalmageddon]

wtf!!!!!!!

EDIT

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't go to this guy's house and if I did...I'm not taking any food or drink he prepared.

Let's just say this guy and most of the players at that game didn't know where to draw the line when it came to dark humor... Or just common decency... The entire campaign operated with hentai logic mixed in with the most offensive and gross stuff you could come up with after having one drink too many, even if the DM was mostly sober.
Best part? He run these games with his girlfriend, who was totally on board with the idea.

[Mr Beer]

Let's just say this guy and most of the players at that game didn't know where to draw the line when it came to dark humor... Or just common decency... The entire campaign operated with hentai logic mixed in with the most offensive and gross stuff you could come up with after having one drink too many, even if the DM was mostly sober.
Best part? He run these games with his girlfriend, who was totally on board with the idea.

H-h-his what now?

[Zyzzyva]

You win the worst GM thread BTW.

From a different thread, even!

I once saw someone play a conservative barbarian It was slightly tongue in cheek, but not entirely.

Seems eminently plausible to me... I'm not sure what about being a barbarian would suggest or foreclose political leanings of any kind.

[Kalmageddon]

H-h-his what now?

Oh, I forgot the best part: the DM ran this campaign only because he didn't want to be alone with his girlfriend, out of fear that she wanted to have sex with him.
The whole thing is messed up from beginning to end. It involved IRL drama such as stealing from the players, practicing ninjutsu on me after an OOC discussion (spoilers: it wasn't ninjutsu and the DM's half my size, didn't end well) and a lot of darker stuff that honestly makes the concerns presented in Mazes and Monsters sound legit.
All I can say is that nobody got seriously hurt and there was no long term consequences outside of broken friendships and minor legal action
But, I am getting OT and as I said, it would be hard to discuss it within the boundaries of forum rules.

Edit: looks like I have a new signature!

[Anonymouswizard]

I once saw someone play a conservative barbarian It was slightly tongue in cheek, but not entirely.

I assume his axe wasn't named Justice. I need to bring out a socialist Barbarian in a game at some point, which will be less amusing in my current group because half of us are left wing.

Oh, I forgot the best part: the DM ran this campaign only because he didn't want to be alone with his girlfriend, out of fear that she wanted to have sex with him.

Waitaminute, he ran a (horrific-)sex-filled campaign so that he wouldn't have to have sex. Has he ever heard of logic?

The whole thing is messed up from beginning to end. It involved IRL drama such as stealing from the players, practicing ninjutsu on me after an OOC discussion (spoilers: it wasn't ninjutsu and the DM's half my size, didn't end well) and a lot of darker stuff that honestly makes the concerns presented in Mazes and Monsters sound legit.
All I can say is that nobody got seriously hurt and there was no long term consequences outside of broken friendships and minor legal action
But, I am getting OT and as I said, it would be hard to discuss it within the boundaries of forum rules.

Edit: looks like I have a new signature!

Legal action!? That alone qualifies it for the 'worst game shortlist' in my book, no matter how minor.

[Kesnit]

Oh, as a bonus, the DM was also a sex offender.

I choked on my drink. That's just, uh... wow...

That's its own "Worst DM Ever" thread post all by itself right there.

Sex offender does not necessarily mean what most people think of. A person can be put on the registry for a conviction of being naked in public, or being a flasher.

[Solaris]

What are the odds on that. Even 4d6 drop lowest we're still talking what. One in 1.5 trillion?
Even rolling 2d6+6 is still like one in 2.1 billion.

Your mistake is in assuming that Dice are random. Now rolled properly they are, more or less, but there is a technique whereby you can get 6s almost all of the time. It's all in the wrist.

Pretty much that. At first we tried making him roll all four dice at the same time, but he just responded by making 'em all land on a 6 (give or take a reasonable margin of error). It would've been really impressive if I weren't the DM and/or I could roll better than a single-digit average with the same dice. Fortunately for all involved, he didn't do it as often as you might think after the first few times; he'd discovered the fact that ultra-powered characters (which they were, at the low levels we played in) were less fun than medium-to-high-powered characters.

[Milodiah]

Sex offender does not necessarily mean what most people think of. A person can be put on the registry for a conviction of being naked in public, or being a flasher.

...did you miss that the poster specified later? And it's almost worse than what most people think of?

[nedz]

I assume his axe wasn't named Justice. I need to bring out a socialist Barbarian in a game at some point, which will be less amusing in my current group because half of us are left wing.

I don't really care what people's RL politics are, but this is a fantasy game: I like my Verisimilitude.

Pretty much that. At first we tried making him roll all four dice at the same time, but he just responded by making 'em all land on a 6 (give or take a reasonable margin of error). It would've been really impressive if I weren't the DM and/or I could roll better than a single-digit average with the same dice. Fortunately for all involved, he didn't do it as often as you might think after the first few times; he'd discovered the fact that ultra-powered characters (which they were, at the low levels we played in) were less fun than medium-to-high-powered characters.

I taught myself how to do this when I was a kid for some reason. It is a lot easier with just 1d6. I don't use this trick in games of any sort — spoils the fun.

[LooseCannoneer]

Sex offender does not necessarily mean what most people think of. A person can be put on the registry for a conviction of being naked in public, or being a flasher.

I think you missed the part where he specified it was for rape and necrophilia.

[VincentTakeda]

Sex offender does not necessarily mean what most people think of. A person can be put on the registry for a conviction of being naked in public, or being a flasher.

Yeah. With poor legal defense and a bad attitude, one can easily parley public urination into indecent exposure and voila... Sex offender. Its fantastically broader than most people give it credit for.

[ORione]

...did you miss that the poster specified later? And it's almost worse than what most people think of?

I thought he meant that stuff happened in-game.

[Zyzzyva]

Sex offender does not necessarily mean what most people think of. A person can be put on the registry for a conviction of being naked in public, or being a flasher.

Yeah. With poor legal defense and a bad attitude, one can easily parley public urination into indecent exposure and voila... Sex offender. Its fantastically broader than most people give it credit for.

Oh, definitely, but in this context it didn't seem likely that that's what Kalmageddon meant - if the DM had gotten a conviction for public urination he probably wouldn't have mentioned it, and indeed that's not what Kalmageddon meant as born out by later posts.

I don't really care what people's RL politics are, but this is a fantasy game: I like my Verisimilitude.

Sure; I'm just very very confused why "conservative barbarian" is such an apparent contradiction in terms.

[Marlowe]

Sure; I'm just very very confused why "conservative barbarian" is such an apparent contradiction in terms.

It isn't. Most "Barbaric" (preliterate, tribal) cultures tend to be inherently conservative. If they aren't they tend not to remain barbaric for long.

I think this might be one of those cases where "Conservative" means something completely different from what the word actually means.

[TeChameleon]

It doesn't help that not all of us involved in the thread are American, either, so even 'Politically Conservative' doesn't help much (for example, as a Canadian, I'd consider myself... Libertarian with Conservative leanings, I guess?.. but the American Conservatives just kind of make me tilt my head a bit in bemusement).

Granted, a stereotypically Republican Barbarian could be pretty funny if the player had decent comedic timing.

I suppose I should count myself lucky that the worst behaviour I've had from any of my players to date is (what I suspect to be a willful) mild misinterpretation of the rules for a bit of an advantage during character generation.

[Zyzzyva]

It isn't. Most "Barbaric" (preliterate, tribal) cultures tend to be inherently conservative. If they aren't they tend not to remain barbaric for long.

Exactly!

I think this might be one of those cases where "Conservative" means something completely different from what the word actually means.

Granted, a stereotypically Republican Barbarian could be pretty funny if the player had decent comedic timing.

Yeah, maybe that's what he meant? Steve King the Barbarian would be pretty funny, if done right, I suppose.

[Arbane]

Exactly!

Yeah, maybe that's what he meant? Steve King the Barbarian would be pretty funny, if done right, I suppose.

"Conan the Republican".

[Marlowe]

I think Conan would make an excellent candidate for the moderate Republican ticket.

Fafhrd; now. That guy would give your Liberal Arts lecturer nightmares. Of course, he'd be great in debates.

[Anonymouswizard]

I don't really care what people's RL politics are, but this is a fantasy game: I like my Verisimilitude.

And a barbarian can't have reasoned opinions that just so happen to coincide with certain political beliefs? Especially when they see the inequality in many d&d cultures.

It doesn't help that not all of us involved in the thread are American, either, so even 'Politically Conservative' doesn't help much (for example, as a Canadian, I'd consider myself... Libertarian with Conservative leanings, I guess?.. but the American Conservatives just kind of make me tilt my head a bit in bemusement).

Also, this. Being from the UK I have a tendency to see all Americans as being conservatives until proven otherwise. I mean, why else would anyone dislike public healthcare?

And stopping before I breach forum rules.

[Kalmageddon]

I thought he meant that stuff happened in-game.

Yes, absolutely. The situation was bad but there wasn't anything THAT bad happening IRL.
Although I can guarantee you, having to deal with that stuff IC, handled in an extremely disrespectful and gross manner, was less than plesant.

[BeerMug Paladin]

Yes, absolutely. The situation was bad but there wasn't anything THAT bad happening IRL.
Although I can guarantee you, having to deal with that stuff IC, handled in an extremely disrespectful and gross manner, was less than plesant.

I'm certainly glad to hear he didn't practice necromancy, somehow manage to make a free-willed undead. Then performed additional bodily violations upon it.

Although, is it weird that reading the misunderstanding, I laughed at seeing that people seemed to be saying they thought this was the thing that was happening?

[Zyzzyva]

Yes, absolutely. The situation was bad but there wasn't anything THAT bad happening IRL.
Although I can guarantee you, having to deal with that stuff IC, handled in an extremely disrespectful and gross manner, was less than plesant.

...Oh. Well, that's a little less terrible. Just garden-variety really really bad DMing.

[nedz]

Yeah, sorry — I was forgetting that the c word has different meanings.

Note: I would have no problem with a conservative Barbarian, but a Conservative Barbarian would break verisimilitude in most settings.

[Zyzzyva]

Yeah, sorry — I was forgetting that the c word has different meanings.

Note: I would have no problem with a conservative Barbarian, but a Conservative Barbarian would break verisimilitude in most settings.

Like, a hardcore supporter of the Tories? "GROKNOR BREAK YOU LIKE THATCHER BROKE UNION!"

[illyahr]

Like, a hardcore supporter of the Tories? "GROKNOR BREAK YOU LIKE THATCHER BROKE UNION!"

Don't say stuff like that while I'm drinking soda!

[ComaVision]

I'm certainly glad to hear he didn't practice necromancy, somehow manage to make a free-willed undead. Then performed additional bodily violations upon it.

That's the Lichloved feat.

[SimonMoon6]

I could see a barbarian (or more likely a druid) having a pet fox that he gets all his news from.

[Traab]

"Conan the Republican".

Rush Limbbreaker. Its a perfect barbarian type name and a VERY sneaky and subtle name that I bet noone will ever be able to decipher.

[TheEmperor]

A small response to the British "ignore it" discussion would be that you guys managed to stick that attitude in (I'm assuming) every colony. As an Indian (not the Red kind), I'm confirming that.

Spoiler

Show

Anyways, the worst player I've ever seen has been someone I've known for a few, but only online. We'll call him NC, because those are his handle's initials. NC is generally an arse, and in my group of online friends (who happen to be way too forgiving) have generally reached a point of disliking him. Except for the extremely nice guy. He's apparently 15, and he's sexist, talks about how he's done drugs, generally pissed off everyone, and few other things that are too out of hand for me to speak about here.

Anyways, it was my third GMing experience, and the one that informed me of my inability to GM (a few years more might change that.), and I'd put a lot into the story, trying to adhere to the advice I'd received from all those people online, guides, and Darths And Droids comic strips. To this day, I maintain that it was a better than average campaign, although I can never confirm that.

So, the characters were level 4 (Pathfinder, for those who care), and generally newbies (I was the more experienced in PF and ttrpgs in general, but not by much), and were starting off in a camp that they'd set up after a day of traveling.

Of course, they were attacked by orcs, because I'd recently done an LOTR marathon, and they attacked back. Eh, easy fight, just orcs, right? Well, it turns out that NC wanted to not kill them, because he was CN (I can hear the groans from you guys), and wanted randomness. So, Mr. NC, the Fighter, goes and solos the thing. He just barely survives because of the -4 penalty to his attacks, and then demands the ranger to tie them up.

Then he slits their throats. What? Alright???

Stuff like this goes on, until they encountered a rather large fire elemental, a keeper of THE MACGUFFIN, who spoke to them, and then opened a portal (keep in mind this was 13 year old me with not much experience with the rules) to a gauntlet they'd have to fight through to retrieve it.

NC "NOPE. I SET THE FIRE ELEMENTAL ON FIRE!"
Me "Erm, alright? Lemme check the rules on that... No, you can't do that."
NC "%$&@ you! I'm going to do it, you piece of trash!" (it was actually some far more racist)

and then proceeds to rolls thousands of dice that breaks roll20.

And then proceeds to let loose with a stream of insults against me, my mother, and apparently my lost lost sister who's dead and belongs to him.

Of course, relatively good compared to most stories, but I've generally had nothing but three experiences GMing with that group, and then the rest being me playing pbp with people here.

Sorry if it seems all over the place. I'm a bit sick, and can't really think well

[goto124]

"NOPE. I SET THE FIRE ELEMENTAL ON FIRE!"

It's already on fire, actually