It's been ten years since my grandma passed away so she's been on my mind lately. She died when I was in High School and that was also around the time I started realizing that I'm not-straight (I'm aroace) but those weren't thoughts I shared with my family at the time. When grandma passed away I was emotionally messed up for months, she was really one of my fav people in the whole world... probably because she spoiled me rotten, lol. She was one of those people who just wanted nothing more than to dote on their grandkids and greatgrandkids and listen to classical music.
Years passed, I realized I'm aroace and came out to my family, and I always felt sad that grandma never got to see me graduate from school or finish my first animated project. One day this year me and my parents were in the car together and the conversation has moved to reminiscing about grandma. And mom and dad recalled the time she came to visit them back when they were living in San Francisco, during June, and coming across a pride parade. That was her first real encounter with the existence of queer folks and she was appreantly 'in shock' and 'appalled'.
And, well, appreantly my parents thought it was just a funny anecdote, but that was kind of a punch to the gut for me to hear something like that. Because... I would like to believe that no matter how many figurative monocoles she popped while seeing her first pride parade, if she lived longer or if I came out to her while she was alive that she would have accepted me. That she loved me and my cousins and my cousin's kids so strongly that if any one of us came out as aroace or gay or trans or bi or any other flavor of queer, she would have overcome whatever prejudice she had.
And like... I don't think that's an out-there thing to think about! I mean that story happened like 27 years ago and 17 years before she died, she could have changed her mind. And I know nothing was more precious to my grandma than her family. And it's not like she was a raging homophobe single-mindedly focused on hating LGBTQAI+ people, after all, I only ever heard she had any problem with us long after her death. But... I don't know for sure, I CAN'T know for sure. Because she's dead. And that lack of certainty is just... making me really sad. How I can't be certain about it.

(On a happier note, my weekly visits to grandma's house was actually where I was first exposed to queer media. One of the weekly magazines she used to get had a recurring comic by a lesbian about herself, her girlfriend and their cats. I dunno if grandma ever read those comics, but I sure did.)