Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post

2. Don't understand this part. Maybe it's just my English, I cannot parse this statement to make sense of it.
I simply disclose all these problems in my dating profile (it's mostly pointless to seek a gay mate in real world in Russia), mainly because I believe in honesty and this is an important detail, and myself trying to look for someone with lines like "sex is not important". Well, turns out it's an euphemism for "it's still critical, not I have other needs too". I've found said ace randomly, but we didn't like each other (and later he blogged on his socnetwork page why you shouldn't date people with such issues).
Ok, to be precise, currently I've left all dating services around last autumn because I see no point. Thought I'd try my luck with ridding of such urges, but alas, as you just wrote.


EDIT: What really stresses me out is a double-bind: on the one hand it's "an important part of yourself, and you shouldn't deny it, blah-blah-blah", on the other - to get meaningful relationship you have to be worthy, and said worth is not always dependent on your choices, sometimes you cannot do a thing about what's wrong with you.
All therapists I've met simply regurgitated the same drivel in the first point - "you do you, blah-blah-blah", until the cows come home. The last one actually gave in after I confronted them - they have no idea what to do either, but they charge per hour, and everyone wants to eat.

The only meaningful thing I've managed to find by myself is that whole this system is Goedel incomplete, and you can actually get caught in contradiction without any resolution. But for some reason a suicide isn't an exit either, and everyone tries to guilt-trip me out of it as soon as they hear about it (no worries: I'm the coward among the cowards, won't do anything reckless here).
Sorry for a late reply. Perhaps me saying that 'this thread doesn't get much traffic' or reflective on my personal experience of not coming to this corner of the internet often.

The reason I state that narrowing your dating pool and keeping that narrow focus is because if you are having partners leave due to sex being off the table, looking only for partners that are not bothered with sex not being on the table ends up being the same result, but you are not having someone abandoning you for something beyond your control. But as you noted, there is still issues with personality clashes. And your ex was completely in the wrong to write that blog post. Not only for throwing you under the bus (though that is enough) but because it reflects and can harm others in your position.

As far as there not being a solution to the problem, I would be highly surprised if those of us on the Internet can target things that therapists cannot. I do second the idea of looking into broadening social circle (yes I know it's cliché tripe). Simple because if you are having issues with dealing with personality clashes, the more you have experience with working with people, the better sense you have in terms of how you interact with people which you can carry onto your personal relationships.

In the end, I don't have a solution for you because I do not know you well enough to give one. But advice of 'get out and do something else' is not given just because it makes the advice giver feel better. There is practical reasoning behind it.