Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
1. My first comment was answered almost immediately, while this was ignored for weeks. I felt like a s**ker, honestly. Feel like this a lot as of late.
Must admit I also read the previous comment and thought "Geez, that's a difficult situation. I don't even know where to start."
If anything, that doesn't make you the sucker but us!

Quote Originally Posted by Sigako View Post
What really stresses me out is a double-bind: on the one hand it's "an important part of yourself, and you shouldn't deny it, blah-blah-blah", on the other - to get meaningful relationship you have to be worthy, and said worth is not always dependent on your choices, sometimes you cannot do a thing about what's wrong with you.
All therapists I've met simply regurgitated the same drivel in the first point - "you do you, blah-blah-blah", until the cows come home. The last one actually gave in after I confronted them - they have no idea what to do either, but they charge per hour, and everyone wants to eat.

The only meaningful thing I've managed to find by myself is that whole this system is Goedel incomplete, and you can actually get caught in contradiction without any resolution. But for some reason a suicide isn't an exit either, and everyone tries to guilt-trip me out of it as soon as they hear about it (no worries: I'm the coward among the cowards, won't do anything reckless here).
I think you're really onto the crux of problem when you mention the double-bind - but it has to be your own choice which side you want to focus on.

Very rudely said you're at a massive disadvantage in the dating scene, through no fault of your own.
For one, your sexuality is (relatively) uncommon.
Secondly, you have a physical affliction, which will limit your dating pool even further.
Third, I think your location already has a limited dating pool purely due to demographics.

So you start out at a huge disadvantage. That sucks big time - especially since it's not because of any choice of your own - but that's where you're at.

You're not alone in your circumstances. I'm sure your specific circumstances are unique, but people can be at a disadvantage in the dating scene for a whole lot of reasons: physical or mental illness, geographical isolation, poverty, just being ugly, etc.

None of this means that it's impossible to find a lasting romantic relationship. The internet is filled with miracle stories of unlikely people finding true love. With a bit of determination and a whole lot of luck, it's possible. It's just (relatively) unlikely.

At that point I think there are two options, and I think those two options are exactly the double-bind you mentioned:

- The "you do you" option. You accept your situation and who you are. You accept you might never find a lasting romantic relationship, and you work on being OK with that. You might remain optimistic, and keep your eyes open for the miracle story mentioned above, but you especially work on getting a life that you're happy with without a romantic partner. If you do happen to find one it's an added bonus, but not necessary.
This includes finding other passions, finding a good outlet for sexuality (I guess getting rid of sexual urges is possible, but it sounds very dangerous) and a lot of introspection.
I guess this is the option most therapists would try to guide you to, since it requires mental solutions rather than practical solutions.

- The other option is working to increase your dating pool. Obviously you can't change your sexuality or your illness, but there are other ways to increase the amount of possible partners. Moving to a location with a very active LGBT+ community; getting involved with people who also have physical limitations and might be more accepting; taking lessons or practicing on, like, "accepted" social behaviour and how to seem pleasant; getting heavy into fitness so that you're physically very attractive; or heck, even getting so obscenely wealthy that people will be interested in you despite all other objections.
It's not a very popular approach, because "accepting who you are" is all the rage (and is definitely the option I would choose), but it's a valid way of looking at things.

So neither are ideal.
But I think (like with all difficult issues) it's at least good to think about your options, what you want, and how much you're willing to sacrifice for it.

I hope as advice goes that's not too pessimistic. It's not meant that way; but it would be dishonest to pretend we have a quick-fix solution for you either.