How cam I convince myself that I am not a jerk. I spent twenty minutes this morning after doing some volunteer stuff hiding behind a fence after recieving mipd social sanction because I should have picked up/shook out a rug before sweeping. And I could have spent that time talking to anyone. Which really doesnt make me seem like a jerk.

What kind of makes me feel like a jerk is the patterns in who I talk to and how after the volunteer thing is done I sort of mostly talk to the women I have crushes on (only one man works on staff so it is slightly less dumb). And really it appears I end up having crushes on almost any woman who is near my age that I talk to enough about things that interest me. And I tend to be more concientous about asking questions/discussing things not related to my interests which is good.

But usually I learn that they are already in a relationship and end up avoiding them because I consider myself an awful person even if they more likely than not had no idea of my idiocy.