To tell the truth, I feel so guilty about only coming to this series of threads only when I'm having problems and I don't know what to do. I keep thinking that I take far more than I can give and that's terrible. It is what it is, I guess. Maybe I just don't know how to manage my own personal issues well enough to offer help in any meaningful capacity, and for that I'm sorry.

With that admission of guilt out of the way, I started a new job on Monday, and it was fine the first day, though it got rough after that. The coworker I got paired with kept insisting that I needed to be faster and was plainly frustrated that he needed to explain things to me. The fact that nobody else seems to have ever had this problem also suggests that this is a problem with me, not him.

I just feel horribly disappointed that it took as much effort as it did for me to qualify for this job only for it turn out that I'm actually really bad at it. Maybe I had hoped that by building up some skills and getting on a decent career path I could finally fix myself and stop feeling miserable all the time. That feels pretty childish and naive now. All that said, I do plan on sticking with this job for 90 days. It's probably fair to say that if it doesn't improve then it probably never will.