Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
I have definitely gotten the sense with a few that there was a sort of personal defensiveness going on? Like therapists who would go slowly on a report of abuse from a parent or an ex, would jump right in to push hard on a report of abuse by a prior therapist. Or they'd act like my being nervous and cautious around them was a personal affront - it sort of felt like if I told a friend about being harassed by a man and their first response was "not all men are like that." It's true, but extremely unhelpful at that point.

I'd actually be more comfortable with a therapist if they didn't put on such an explicitly unbiased front. Statements like "you'll never make me upset" aren't reassuring, because I know they're not true. They just make me think that the therapist isn't able to recognize and handle their own feelings, and that it's more likely to be pushed on me.
One of the tricks to mental health treatment / therapy (and this comes from someone that went through six different therapists before finding a good fit) is finding the right person. Just like a PCP or a spouse or a best friend, not everyone fits with everyone else. Some are great, some are okay, and some are absolute ****. But even the great ones sometimes have such specific styles that they may not be a universally great fit. Try scheduling "interview" appointments where you sit down with the therapist and try to get a sense of whether they are going to be a good fit. Do this with as many therapists as you can based on the resources that you have available to you. This isn't a time to start actually delving into any of your issues, but it is a change for you to ask the therapist what their specialty is, how they approach things in therapy, and generally get a feel for them. If they balk at you wanting to know more information about how they work, at you being nervous or uncomfortable, or if they try to pressure you into anything they are not a good therapist for you!!!

Also, while therapists are humans and they do have feelings it's actually part of their job to set their feelings aside in order to assist you in sorting out yours. The whole "you can't make me upset" (from a good therapist) is more about trying to give you the freedom of expression that is integral to the therapeutic process than it is about their feelings at all.