# Forum > Play-by-Post Games > Message Board Games >  Reverse Wish Corruption

## bug_sniper

You post the corruption and then the next player posts a wish that would receive that corruption.

Example:

Player 1: Granted but it's poisonous.

Player 2: I wish for a delicious mushroom.
Ganted but it explodes when you use it.

Player 3: I wish for a shotgun...

To start out:

Granted but it falls on you.

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## paddyfool

I wish to see the ISS

Granted, but you get caught

----------


## Dire Moose

I wish I was a Pokémon.

Granted, but its sabotaged and explodes when you try to use it.

----------


## The Outsider

I wish for my very own time machine.

Granted, but you have to use it in front of your mother.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish for an online dating service that actually finds your perfect partner.

Granted, but it hates your guts.

----------


## farothel

I wish to have a kraken.

Granted, but I hope you like being in the middle of the Sahara.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish to be away from people so I can relax by myself for awhile.

Granted, but it tastes like rancid butter.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a new car.

Granted, but the lights don't work.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish for a trip in a bathysphere.

Granted, but they're secretly your long lost sibling.

-------

@Gravitron, a car that tastes like rancid butter? I think you got mixed up with your own twisted response

----------


## The Outsider

I wish for a girlfriend who loves me with all her heart.

Granted, but its sole desire is to murder your family.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a girlfriend who loves me with all her heart.

Granted, but it's two sizes too small.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish for a working Iron Man suit. 

Granted, but it's full of bloodthirsty goblins.

----------


## bug_sniper

I wish there was a cave nearby to provide shelter from the windstorm.

Granted, but while you're busy with that, the soldiers arrive and now you're surrounded.

----------


## Velaryon

> I wish there was a cave nearby to provide shelter from the windstorm.
> 
> Granted, but while you're busy with that, the soldiers arrive and now you're surrounded.


I wish I get into the cockpit of a real, working X-wing.

Granted, but it's directed by Michael Bay and stars Pauly Shore.

----------


## The Outsider

I wish for a movie adaptation of my favorite series.

Granted, but looking at it drives you insane.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish to see how and why the universe began.

Granted, but it is possessed by a malign intelligence that devotes itself to making your life miserable.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a cat.

Granted, but it's smaller on the inside.

----------


## bug_sniper

I like small cars so I wish for a Kei car with a frame that's just big enough for me and another passenger, for better maneuverability in narrow streets and tight parking lots.

Granted but you are the first person thrown out the airlock in the search for imposters.

----------


## The Outsider

I wish for my own space station that I can retreat to in times of trouble and strife.

Granted, but every time you use it a year is drained from your lifespan.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish for an eternal wand of Heal.

Granted, but it explodes in your face

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a coconut cream pie.

Granted, but there are far too many tentacles.

----------


## farothel

I wish to see a rare deepsea octopus

granted, but it will only go 5mph.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish for a shiny new electric car.

Granted, but you become too weak to use it.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish for an enchanted dumbbell that increases my strength by 10% with every single repetition.

Granted, but the cat will never let you use it.

----------


## bug_sniper

I wish for a ball of indestructible yarn that knits into bulletproof sweaters.

Granted, but every keyboard on the planet spontaneously disintegrates.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish to be able to type faster than anyone ever in history.

Granted, but only you can see it and no one will ever believe you.

----------


## The Outsider

I wish I had a friend.

Granted, but an elder god eats your soul.

----------


## Magic_Hat

> Granted, but an elder god eats your soul.


I wish I could be apart of something great!

Granted, but they are just gonna pilfer all your food.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a family of cobbling elves to make shoes in my house every night.

Granted, but it only works when you are not looking at it.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish for a magic mirror of scrying

Granted, but they hypnotise you into total obedience.

----------


## The Outsider

I wish I had a kitten.

Granted, but the smell that comes with it is vomit-inducing.

----------


## Magic_Hat

> Granted, but the smell that comes with it is vomit-inducing.


I wish I had a one of a kind cologne.

Granted, but it's impossible to properly aim.

----------


## Korith

I wish I could shoot the Death Star Superlaser from my fingertips.

Granted, but every time you use it a swarm of fire ants crawls out of your faceholes.

----------


## Armonia13

I wish I had a hat that gave me super intelligence!

Granted! But it only works in front of your crush.

----------


## The Outsider

I wish I knew how to make the creepiest evil laugh possible.

Granted, but it instantly leaves.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish I met a friendly extraterrestrial.

Granted, but you're unable to use it yourself.

----------


## Magic_Hat

> Granted, but you're unable to use it yourself.


I wish for the greatest game console of all time and enough amazing video games to last me a lifetime!

Granted, but it'll go bad after a day.

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

I wish for delicious chocolate cake that actually causes me to lose weight.

Granted, but you are stalked by clowns.

----------


## Korith

I wish my car was bigger on the inside.

Granted, but every hundred years a family curse will manifest and one of your line will have to face an ever worsening series of foes that threaten your bloodline and the entire world.

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## Magic_Hat

> Granted, but every hundred years a family curse will manifest and one of your line will have to face an ever worsening series of foes that threaten your bloodline and the entire world.


I wish for the ability to manifest Simpsons memes in real life, and I don't care about any negative consequence that might arise far into the future.

Okay but they're just gonna end up hitting you with a chair while you're in the bathtub.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish to be roomies with The Rock and Mick Foley.

Granted, but everything tastes like Necco Wafers to you.

----------


## Cicciograna

I wish for a lifelong supply of Nabisco Nilla Wafers.

Granted, but now you can sense taste through your fingertips.

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

I wish I could swim through sewage safely and without smelling it!

Granted, but talk like Yoda now, you must!

----------


## Armonia13

I wish I was an expert on everything Star Wars.

Granted, but every time you use it, someone important to you or your future mysteriously dies under strange circumstances.

----------


## Cicciograna

I wish for the power to resurrect those I love.

Granted, but now suddenly your eyes can see in the ultraviolet section of the light spectrum.

----------


## paddyfool

Let's do away with skin cancer and sunburn: I wish UV rays didn't exist.

Granted, but you fall in.

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

I wish to see what's past the event horizon of a black hole.

Granted, but now you can only speak in interpretative dance.

----------


## The Outsider

I wish I could understand any language I hear.

Granted, but now you're wanted for several war crimes.

----------


## Cicciograna

I wish for perpetual world peace.

Granted, but now you constantly have a clowder of cats following you.

----------


## Korith

I wish for the tuna sandwich of immortality!

Granted, but you grow a 6 meter long beard that is impervious to any shaving tool ever made.

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

I wish to be a Viking Barbarian-Wizard.

Granted, but your beard has a mind of its own.

----------


## Cicciograna

I wish I was the ghost pirate LeChuck.

Granted, but now you have a vulnerability to squid.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish I was immune to shark attacks.

Granted, but you will never get the stain out.

----------


## paddyfool

Blood for the blood god!

Granted, but a knornate demon eats your soul.

----------


## Korith

I wish my soul reeked of garlic to keep the vampires away.

Granted, but at midnight they all turn into bunnies.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish my friends could all go to a dance party and not spread disease.

Granted, but your nemesis also gets one.

----------


## Cicciograna

I wish for a sincere opportunity to make peace with my nemesis.

Granted, but now you have a secret nemesis.

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

I wish I could make copies of myself.

Granted, but you are compelled to talk like a pirate whenever anyone says "R".

----------


## georger0171

I wish for the ability to shoot bullets from my fingertips!

Granted but the bullets are made of dandelion fluff.

----------


## Cicciograna

I wish for numbers in numbered lists to be made of avocado.

Granted, but from now on Europe will use the Imperial System, and the US will use the Metric System.

----------


## Korith

I wish Europeans and Americans would stop complaining about each others' units of measurement.

Granted, but it has a weakness. If a Rhesus Monkey with a Kazoo ever plays God Save The Queen within earshot, it will disintegrate into a vaporizing puddle of acid.

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## Cicciograna

I wish for Queen Elizabeth II to be immortal.

Granted, but now the United Kingdom is invaded by a horde of monkeys able to reproduce the song "God Save the Queen" on kazoos. The monkeys are observed to be _Pan troglodytes_.

----------


## georger0171

I wish for a bong.

Granted, but every time you use it, a cute animal dies somewhere in the world.

----------


## Cicciograna

I wish for some device capable of spawning ugly animals.

Granted, but now you have lost the sense of taste.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish hospital food tasted better.

Granted, but it leads to Tom Green making a Hollywood comeback.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for my own movie production studio.

Granted, but the stench ... Oh my god, the stench!

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish for a lifetime supply of fine cheese.

Granted! I built it out of toothpicks and marshmallows.

----------


## Cicciograna

I wish for a space elevator connecting Earth to Moon.

Granted, but now there are chickens EVERYWHERE.

----------


## totadileplayz

I wish I lived in The Zelda-verse.

Granted But now a God of monster-girls will be hunting you.

----------


## Cicciograna

I wish cat girls were a thing.

Granted, but now there is an invasion of musk rats.

----------


## Korith

I wish this cattail overgrowth would just go away.

Granted, but a small (sometimes poisonous) creature will bite your shins whenever you use it.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish for snakeskin boots.

Granted! It never stops ringing!

----------


## Korith

I wish this thread were inserted into the vending machine.

Granted, but it takes you with it.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish that COVID could spontaneously be eradicated from the planet.

Granted - you go to prison for the rest of your life.

----------


## Cicciograna

I want to have the best game of Monopoly EVAAAAH!

Granted, but you won't be able to pet kittens and pups anymore.

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## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish I had guns for- oh. Oh! Noooooooo

Granted, but it ceases to exist after about 15 seconds and leaves a huge crater behind.

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## bug_sniper

I wish for an indestructible 30 foot tall mecha with laser guns in its arms, x-ray vision videocameras on its head, ion thrusters in its boots that allow it to accelerate to relativistic speeds in 2 seconds, and a battery with infinite energy to power all this.

Granted but raccoons with pickaxes break in and steal it.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a vault full of Cheez-its.

Granted, but it only works on eels.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish I had Aquaman's ability to telepathically communicate with marine life.

Granted, but then a volcano erupts and you die in the pyroclastic flow.

----------


## Korith

I wish I was fireproof

Granted, but whenever you try to share that information, all you can do is sing Baby Shark

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## Gravitron5000

I wish that I would always be aware of any shark attacks that will occur within 1 hour that are within 100 km of me.

Granted, but it's calibrated in fortnights per furlong.

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## Cicciograna

I wish for a "reverse tachymeter" that gives a reading of the reciprocal of speed, but not in hours per mile. Also, the International System can't be used.

I wish for the FFF system to be the only accepted measurement system worldwide.

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## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish for you to wish for the FFF system to be the only accepted measurement system worldwide.

Granted! It's really sticky and the bright colors stain your clothes.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a friendly and affectionate pet slime.

Granted but the incessant whirling is making your head spin.

----------


## bug_sniper

I wish for a cotton candy machine.

Granted. You're taken there and you can't come back.

----------


## ziproot

I wish to go to in person school.

Granted, but it begins playing your least favorite song on repeat with no way of turning it off.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish for a roommate who can cook.

Granted! It itches terribly and you can't sleep.

----------


## ziproot

I wish for a pillow.

Granted, but you can't take it off.

----------


## farothel

I wish for Harry Potter's invisibility cloak.

Granted, but you can only ever go backward.

----------


## totadileplayz

I Wish to be able to walk. 

Granted! But, it's blue, with pink dots makes it absolutely terrible for what it was supposed to be used for.

----------


## Aleph Null

I wish for a tuxedo.

Granted, but if you ever attempt to pour a bowl of cereal again, it will only ever be Jeremy Irons cereal.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish for an infinite supply of breakfast food.

Granted! It has no handles and is too big to fit through the doorway.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a portable gaming console.

Granted, but every time you use it, a puppy starts to uncontrollably breathe fire.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish for a pet toothbrush that pets will actually allow people to use on them.

Granted, but it tastes like earwax.

----------


## ziproot

> I wish for a pet toothbrush that pets will actually allow people to use on them.
> 
> Granted, but it tastes like earwax.


I wish to be able to eat stuff I'm allergic to without an allergic reaction.

Granted, but it only plays "I know the song that gets on everybody's nerves" on loop.

----------


## totadileplayz

I Wish my brother had a new computer.

Granted! You get 2 of them, but both are completely disfunctional.

----------


## Cicciograna

I wish for new kidneys.

Granted, but now dogs crazily bark at you on sight.

----------


## farothel

I wish to become a terminator.

Granted, but the world turns upside down.

----------


## ziproot

> I wish to become a terminator.
> 
> Granted, but the world turns upside down.


I wish to be on top of the world.

Granted, but it disappears in a puff of smoke.

----------


## totadileplayz

> I wish to be on top of the world.
> 
> Granted, but it disappears in a puff of smoke.


I wish something loved me. 

Granted! But it will only ever recount your most embarrassing memories uncaring of whether your in public or not.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish I had a beautiful singing voice.

Granted! It leaves you stuck in the bathroom for like two days straight.

----------


## ziproot

> I wish I had a beautiful singing voice.
> 
> Granted! It leaves you stuck in the bathroom for like two days straight.


I wish for the most delicious food ever.

Granted, but it only works when it is exposed to the light from an annular solar eclipse.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish I had a solar-powered car.

Granted, but you can only use it with permission from that coworker who hates you.

----------


## totadileplayz

> I wish I had a solar-powered car.
> 
> Granted, but you can only use it with permission from that coworker who hates you.


I wish I had a robot that did my job for me. 

Granted, but its moldy.

----------


## Magic_Hat

> Granted, but its moldy.


I wish for bread.

Granted, but it's on fire.

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## Gravitron5000

I also wish for bread.

Granted, but it's traveling at relativistic speed!

----------


## totadileplayz

> I also wish for bread.
> 
> Granted, but it's traveling at relativistic speed!


You know what I'll also wish for bread. 

Granted, but it's not bread.

----------


## Aleph Null

> You know what I'll also wish for bread. 
> 
> Granted, but it's not bread.


...I wish for bread.

(sorry, you had it coming.)

Granted, but in order to use it, you must first recite Dana Carvey's Choppin' Broccoli skit three times each time...in reverse.

----------


## ziproot

> ...I wish for bread.
> 
> (sorry, you had it coming.)
> 
> Granted, but in order to use it, you must first recite Dana Carvey's Choppin' Broccoli skit three times each time...in reverse.


I wish for bread.

Granted, but it's bread.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish for a talking monster companion.

Granted! It cuts your arm off!

----------


## paddyfool

I wish for a samurai robot minion

Granted! Unfortunately, it turns out you're deathly allergic to it.

----------


## totadileplayz

> I wish for a samurai robot minion
> 
> Granted! Unfortunately, it turns out you're deathly allergic to it.


I wish for a suicide note. 

Granted! However you go to taco bell hell once you use it

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a magic microphone that makes me a better public speaker.

Granted, but it makes all the puppies within 10 kms of you whimper.

----------


## Bucky

I wish for a command to make my dog stop barking.

Granted, but he's yourself.

----------


## Samba Mentality

I wish to meet the greatest Dungeons and Dragons player of all time. 

Granted, but you wont be able to get out.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish to be in style!

Granted. They just stick to you and won't let go...

----------


## paddyfool

I wish to meet an intelligent octopus

Granted, but it's on fire.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a fire extinguisher.

Granted, but there's far less fire than you hoped for.

----------


## ziproot

> I wish for a fire extinguisher.
> 
> Granted, but there's far less fire than you hoped for.


I wish to set the "rolled a 1" thread on fire.

Granted, but it says "ow" every time you touch it.

----------


## Magic_Hat

> Granted, but it says "ow" every time you touch it.


I wish I had a high tech computer.

Granted, but it won't last more than a week.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a lifetime supply of potato chips.

Granted, but it is really 40 squirrels disguised in a trench coat.

----------


## Magic_Hat

> Granted, but it is really 40 squirrels disguised in a trench coat.


I wish I had a girlfriend with fashion taste

Granted, but it destroys your house.

----------


## totadileplayz

I Wish for a puppy. 

Granted! Except, it constantly says in the most annoying voice unimaginable "Hey, Hey Listen!" Constantly, and continually. You can never block that noise, as it pierces through the silence of space directly into your and everyone else's skull.

----------


## Cicciograna

I wish for somebody who could warn me if additional pylons are needed, or if my Vespene gas supply is sufficient for the required task.

Granted, but now you can always _feel_ your tongue.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish to be able to comprehensibly talk with animals.

Granted, but your fingers are swapped with your toes.

----------


## Magic_Hat

> Granted, but your fingers are swapped with your toes.


I wish my feet weren't so ugly.

Granted, but you vomit.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish for an obvious acid. _(Surely I'll get a different result this time!)_

Granted! It assembles itself out of garbage in the middle of the ocean.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish to witness my perfect self.

Granted! Unfortunately, it's horribly toxic to humans.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish to create the tastiest sandwich in the history of the world.

Granted, but it stars Pauly Shore and Tommy Wiseau.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish to produce a movie that has Nicholas Cage in a supporting role.

Granted, but it's really awkward to host it with with your mother-in-law there ... watching ... judging.

----------


## Magic_Hat

> Granted, but it's really awkward to host it with with your mother-in-law there ... watching ... judging.


I wish I could host a party where my friends and I roast my mother-in-law all night long.

Granted, but you become homeless.

----------


## totadileplayz

I wish for a billion dollars. 

Granted! Except any money you touch turns into poop.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish to rob a bank without getting caught.

Granted, but any clothing you wear transforms into poop.

----------


## Magic_Hat

> Granted, but any clothing you wear transforms into poop.


I wish I had a variant of King Midas's Golden Touch because I don't want to accidentally turn people I know into gold.

Granted, but you it ends up costing you a thousand dollars a day.

----------


## Bucky

I wish for a year's supply of ice cream.

Granted, but it's only eight inches wide.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a 200 foot long luxury yacht.

Granted, but it needs to be operated by 4 chimpanzees and an alpaca.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish for a giant mech

Granted, but a giant mech operated by five confused animals lays waste to it.

----------


## EmmyNecromancer

I wish for a personal field of carrots.

Granted, but now you'll be trapped there forever.

----------


## Bucky

I wish to visit my grandmother in the afterlife.

Granted, but it'll break down without a constant supply of radium.

----------


## totadileplayz

I wish for a Giant Monster to fight any and all errant mechs. 

Granted! However, whenever you see it your mind goes blank and you become unconscious for 3 hours.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish for a herd of sheep!

Granted! It's extremely contrarian and does the opposite of what it's told.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for an emotional support dog.

Granted, but three are not enough, and four are too much.

----------


## bug_sniper

I wish I could attach additional machine guns to my fighter jet. I need them to win this aerial duel next weekend.

Granted but it explodes. Fortunately, your house is still intact - with some assembly required.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish for a robot housekeeper to keep my house clean, tidy and organised.

Granted but it turns against you.

----------


## totadileplayz

I wish I had a dragon. 

Granted! However it's quickly eaten by a hungry shark.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish I had a dragon.

Granted, but the gravitational tidal forces it creates slowly rips it apart.

----------


## Bucky

I wish I had a flying car.

Granted, and it happens twice!

----------


## Rogan

> I wish I had a flying car.
> 
> Granted, and it happens twice!


I wish Jeff Bezos and I would swap our bank accounts.

Granted, but it's a mimic.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish for a more comfortable office chair.

Granted but it's invisible, intangible, inaudible, unsmellable and nobody else believes it's there.

----------


## totadileplayz

I Wish I had a friend. 


Granted! Though The Order of The Stick quickly takes it away into a hidden vault.

----------


## Rogan

> I Wish I had a friend. 
> 
> 
> Granted! Though The Order of The Stick quickly takes it away into a hidden vault.


I wish I would receive an exclusive book about the MitD, including pictures without the shadow. 

Granted, but the countdown starts at 7 seconds remaining.

----------


## Lysbeth

I wish I had a doomsday device to threaten the world powers with.

Granted! Although she will not rest until she has tasted your blood.

----------


## Bucky

I wish for an energetic little puppy to cheer me up.

Granted! But it's only available on weekdays between 2AM and 4AM.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted! But it's only available on weekdays between 2AM and 4AM.


I wish for a (medical) drug to prevent being so tired all the time. 

Granted! This one isn't corrupted. You can trust me, I would not lie. Some wine?

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a beer.

Granted, but it's moist.

----------


## Dire Moose

I wish for five tons of pure cesium.

Granted. It falls on you and crushes you.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted. It falls on you and crushes you.


I wish for a stature of me, made from pure gold.

Granted, but it is frozen.

----------


## Bucky

I wish for ten million dollars in my bank account.

Granted, but it will escape as soon as you take your eyes off it.

----------


## Vianceit

I wish for four extra hours in the day to play TTRPGs without distraction or responsibilities.

Granted but it's all drug money, and you can hear the DEA closing in on you as you speak.

----------


## paddyfool

I wish to be given an expensive present!

Granted, but it gets ruined by floods.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a croque monsieur

Granted, but it's confiscated by the treasury board

----------


## totadileplayz

I wish i owned and knew the location of all currently buried or hidden pirate treasure.


Granted! You are now stuck in between fractions of a moment incapable of performing any action.

----------


## Bucky

I wish I could see into the past.

Granted, but it's made out of paper and scotch tape.

----------


## Lacco

I wish for ultimate sword of absolute destiny +5000!

Granted, but it breaks each fifteen seconds and has to be fully assembled before you can use it.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a stopwatch.

Granted, but the bubbles created are bigger than a horse.

----------


## totadileplayz

I wish I could create bubbles of annihalation capable of destroying anything that it passes through. 

Granted! But it's on Fire!

----------


## bug_sniper

I wish for a mansion worth a billion dollars.

Granted but it grows legs and runs away.

----------


## Lacco

I wish for a pet rock.

Granted, but two out of three suffer from explosive diarrhea and the third one from randomly timed explosions.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for the opinions of three doctors.

Granted, but the walls start to bleed black ichor.

----------


## bug_sniper

I wish my house was made of fireproof demonic flesh.

Granted but if a nonbeliever of magic ever so much as approaches you, it won't work and you will be rendered weak and helpless.

----------


## Bucky

I wish for supreme confidence as a public speaker.

Granted, but the only entrance is along a twenty-foot-high tightrope.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a therapy session to help me deal with my fear of heights.

Granted but it'll make Tarzan chase after you to get it back.

----------


## bug_sniper

I wish for a magical hunter's spear that grants that ability to speak to gorillas for 24 hours to whoever touches it.

Granted, but it's burned on one side and cold and doughy on the other side.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted, but it's burned on one side and cold and doughy on the other side.


I wish for a freshly baked bread. 

Granted, but you get killed in the first night. 

(On an completely unrelated news,  a Mafia Forum game is recruiting )

----------


## bug_sniper

I wish we could actually find a habitable planet that we could land this starship at, now that we've gone several hundred light years off-course to get away from the carnivorous planet.

Granted, but the assassins are tracking its signal to your location and their rifles are loaded.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish I had all the files for Area 51.

Granted, but obtaining it has cost you all your friends and family, and put you massively into debt.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted, but obtaining it has cost you all your friends and family, and put you massively into debt.


I wish I had a cool poker table for games night. 

Granted, but she is very aggressive and has a nasty bite.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish the pretty woman at the library would go out with me.

Granted, but that jerk at the office gets a bigger one.

----------


## Taffimai

I wish someone would bake me a birthday cake.



Granted, but you're also getting a tiger. How you feed it is your problem.

----------


## Bucky

I wish for kittens, lots and lots of kittens.


Granted, but it's on Mars.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a Mars candy bar.

Granted, but it's tepid.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted, but it's tepid.


I wish for a coke...

Granted, but now everything is wet.

----------


## Taffimai

> Granted, but now everything is wet.


I wish Rogan's powers were known to all.


Granted, but it's on backwards.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish my favorite pair of jeans still fit me.

Granted, but nobody will believe you.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish the tooth fairy was real!

Granted, but it causes the sun to always shine in your eyes.

----------


## TwilightSandwic

I wish the weather was warm and sunny.

Granted but it's used.

----------


## Taffimai

> Granted but it's used.


I wish I had a tea bag.



Granted but it smells of fish.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted but it smells of fish.


I wish I had a cat!

Granted, but a lynch mob attacks you.

----------


## Gravitron5000

I wish for a job at Merrill Lynch.

Granted but the bongos are far too quiet.

----------


## Taffimai

> Granted but the bongos are far too quiet.


I wish to better the CGI remake of The Lion King by training actual african animals to sing "The Circle of Life".


Granted but you will never see it completed.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish I could work on a grand, ambitious design project!

Granted, but it's very slippery. You can't pick it up without dropping it...

----------


## TwilightSandwic

I wish for a magic wish-granting ring!


Granted, but it's blocked in your region.

----------


## Taffimai

> Granted, but it's blocked in your region.


I wish for world peace.


Granted, but now your toenails grow 1cm per day.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish to always have the best designer stockings!

Granted! It burrows under your house and never leaves!

----------


## Velaryon

I wish for a pet mole.

Granted, but it's eleven feet long and smells of sweaty armpit.

----------


## TwilightSandwic

I wish for a puppy.

Granted but it's itchy.

----------


## Taffimai

> Granted but it's itchy.


I wish to have the most glorious, majestic beard ever seen.


Granted, but you fall asleep every time you look at it.

----------


## Bucky

I wish for the strongest coffee ever.

Granted, but your lazy and incompetent teammate gets all the credit.

----------


## Lacco

I wish to be the next big innovator: someone like the guy who created the iPhone!

Your wish has been granted with one small exception: you are able to hold it in your hand only for one second per day.

----------


## TwilightSandwic

I wish for the perfect non-slippery soap!


Grranted but everyone knows about it.

----------


## ziproot

I wish for an amulet that makes my lies impossible to detect.

Granted, but it occasionally plays ominous music.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish for an attractive come-hither stare.

Granted! Your friends are all better at using it than you are.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted! Your friends are all better at using it than you are.


I wish I had a girl willing to be my toy in bed...  :Small Wink: 

Granted, but it's empty.

----------


## mucat

> Granted, but it's empty.


I wish for a warehouse containing the perfect birthday and holiday gifts for each of my friends for the rest of our lives.

Granted, but retroactively, 2020 will no longer be the best year ever.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish for next year to be better than this year.

Of course! It's already in your house.

----------


## Rogan

> Of course! It's already in your house.


I wish I had a huge, tame dragon. 

Are you sure? No? Well, too late!

----------


## mucat

> Are you sure? No? Well, too late!


I wish it were too late to change my mind.

Granted.  They're totally powerful but they're, like, lime green.

----------


## bug_sniper

I wish for anti-camo turrets that shoots bunker-busting thermobaric tandem-charge missiles at all visually green machinery in the vicinity.

Granted but if you ever need medical treatment, the only doctors you can see are Dr. Frankenstein and Dr. Gunsforhands.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted but if you ever need medical treatment, the only doctors you can see are Dr. Frankenstein and Dr. Gunsforhands.


I wish every medical treatment for everyone would be free. 

Granted, but it's somewhere else.

----------


## Bucky

I wish I could remember where I parked my car.

Granted, but it expired back in 2004.

----------


## oogaboogagoblin

I wish for some of the best yogurt in the world

granted, and it makes you unbelievably angry

----------


## TwilightSandwic

I wish there was a new season of "Adventure Time"

Granted, but you're still sleepy.

----------


## ziproot

> I wish there was a new season of "Adventure Time"
> 
> Granted, but you're still sleepy.


I wish that we stopped doing daylight saving time.

Granted, but you don't remember what you wished for.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish that I could wish for a wish for more wishes!

Granted! It's technically a rental, so return it as soon as you're done.

----------


## Velaryon

I wish I had a really nice-looking, perfectly tailored and comfortable suit that I could wear for special occasions.

Granted, but it smells like expired milk.

----------


## ziproot

I wish that my food would never be too spicy.

Granted, but you can only use it during the 30 day trial period.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted, but you can only use it during the 30 day trial period.


I wish I had a sexy girlfriend who loves to be dominated in bed. 

Granted, but it's too small for you.

----------


## oogaboogagoblin

i wish for the worlds most extravagant hat

granted, but all 6 of them try to crucify you

----------


## Bucky

i wish to meet the easter bunnies

Granted, but it's always five minutes late.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted, but it's always five minutes late.


I wish I had an expensive and shiny watch to brag about. 

Granted, but she will fight you at every opportunity.

----------


## Gold Leaf

I wish I had a pet polar bear.

Granted, but everyone thinks it looks disgusting.

----------


## bug_sniper

I wish I had my own slushie machine.

Granted but someone steals your idea, timetravels into the past, and claims credit for its invention.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

I wish for a time machine and a laser cannon!

Granted! It's made from baby intestines.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted! It's made from baby intestines.


I wish I had some tasty food, made without harming any animal. 

Granted! But it is delivered without a manual and each and every wrong input will destroy it in an explosion.

----------


## Persolus

I wish I had a mech suit to safely clear land mines from old battlefields.

Granted, but I hope you like swimming!

----------


## DisavowedPaladi

I wish I didnt have to deal with the airlines anymore.

Granted, but are you sure you didnt want it outside.

----------


## Gold Leaf

I wish I had an ultra stinky stinkbomb.

Granted, but it weighs half as much as it should.

----------


## Bucky

I wish for a 7-inch gold bar.

*Spoiler: Explanation*
Show

Checking whether a bar weighs less than it should is the main way to test for counterfeits made from cheaper metals. A half-weight bar would necessarily be quite a bit less than half gold.


Granted, but it's too profound for you to comprehend.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted, but it's too profound for you to comprehend.


I wish I had a short summary of all topics of the next exams.

Granted, but it is too heavy to carry around.

----------


## DisavowedPaladi

> I wish I had a short summary of all topics of the next exams.
> 
> Granted, but it is too heavy to carry around.


I wish I had a case that would completely protect my laptop.

Granted, but good luck cleaning up afterward.

----------


## Smoutwortel

> I wish I had a case that would completely protect my laptop.
> 
> Granted, but good luck cleaning up afterward.


I wish for the best party ever.

Granted, but the moon is now on fire.

----------


## Bucky

I wish it were bright enough out to find my way home.

Granted, but it's stuck in reverse.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted, but it's stuck in reverse.


I wish my car had seven gears!

Granted, but you have to ask every time.

----------


## Bucky

I wish for an unlimited supply of pennies.

Granted, and all it cost was your humanity.

----------


## Gold Leaf

I wish I landed that job at the zoo.

Granted, but Careless Whisper plays loudly and unstoppably every time you use it.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted, but Careless Whisper plays loudly and unstoppably every time you use it.


I wish I had a silencer, reducing every gunshot to a whisper. 

Granted, but you can't talk about it.

----------


## Persolus

I wish that I knew exactly what to say to a person to make them feel better.

Granted, but it's all narrated by a chorus of singing forest animals.

----------


## animorte

I wish to be a prince!

Granted, but you forget it every time you look up.

----------


## mati2002

I wish for a magic mirror of scrying in 2023

----------


## Bucky

I wish for the secret of happiness.

Granted, but you can't figure out how to install it.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted, but you can't figure out how to install it.


I wish I'd had a CD containing every game ever created. 

Granted, but it's in the wrong thread.

----------


## animorte

> Granted, but it's in the wrong thread.


I wish to solve the problem of caster vs martial disparity disagreements.

Granted, but it costs you one finger. Every. Single. Time.

----------


## Gold Leaf

> I wish to solve the problem of caster vs martial disparity disagreements.
> 
> Granted, but it costs you one finger. Every. Single. Time.


I wish I could pick my nose in public and not be judged for it.

Granted, but you immediately fall asleep afterwards.

----------


## ChrysalisM

I wish I had a personal hypnotist.

Granted, but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you into oblivion shortly after.

----------


## ziproot

> I wish I had a personal hypnotist.
> 
> Granted, but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you into oblivion shortly after.


I wish that I was strong.

Granted, but you get rickrolled every time you click on a link.

----------


## Bucky

I wish my web browser would instantly load all the web pages I'm browsing.

Granted, but it'll self-destruct in 10... 9... 8...

----------


## TwilightSandwic

I wish I lived in a mansion!


Granted, but it's Minecraft.

----------


## ChrysalisM

I wish I had my own personal world that I had absolute power over.


Granted, but The SCP foundation confiscates it.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted, but The SCP foundation confiscates it.


I wish for <classified data, deleted>.

Granted, but every time you look at it, you get a stiff.... neck.

----------


## bug_sniper

I wish my car had a backup camera display.

Granted but invisible ants are eating it.

----------


## Hof

> I wish my car had a backup camera display.
> 
> Granted but invisible ants are eating it.


I wish my coworkers would never touch my lunch in the fridge again.

Granted, but you can only use it alone, in the dark.

----------


## Rogan

> Granted, but you can only use it alone, in the dark.


I wish for the power to turn invisible.

Granted, but you need to answer yes. *Every* time!

----------


## Velaryon

I wish I knew the answer to every question anyone asked me.

Granted, but you'll never know where it is.

----------

