# Forum > Comics > Webcomics >  Handbook of Heroes

## DRD1812

What would happen if the worlds dumbest adventurer got hold of a magical self-help book? What if that book was filled with genre savvy advice? The Handbook of Heroes chronicles the adventures of Fighter, Thief, Wizard, and Cleric as they fight monsters, delve dungeons, and plunder the innocent in search of loot.

Were a joke-a-day style comic with a love for high fantasy and roots in tabletop role-playing games. 

*Link to comic.*

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #309: *Altered Bestiary
*

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## Keltest

My solution to the problem of players who read the monster manual is to just describe the creatures visually. That's not a troll, that's a large, earth-colored gangly creature hunkered over some carrion. It smells awful and its skin looks like a forest floor threw up all over it.

Yeah, it could be a troll, but it could also be something else, so they need to approach it with caution and ask themselves which assumptions theyre willing to make. If their characters invest in learning about local monsters and prepare for the possibility... then ill probably reward them with playing the encounter straight. They did their homework, they prepared, they should earn a win.

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## DRD1812

> Yeah, it could be a troll, but it could also be something else, so they need to approach it with caution and ask themselves which assumptions theyre willing to make.


So in other words, it really _could_ be a demon. 

For serious though, investigation is a key part of the dungeon delving experience. If you only go in with the murder hobo's "kill on sight" strategy, you're going to have a bad time.

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## Keltest

> So in other words, it really _could_ be a demon. 
> 
> For serious though, investigation is a key part of the dungeon delving experience. If you only go in with the murder hobo's "kill on sight" strategy, you're going to have a bad time.


Pretty much, yeah. A prepared adventurer is a happy adventurer. For a lot longer, anyway.

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## bc56

> So in other words, it really _could_ be a demon.


It could be.
5e has a monster called the Stench Kow. It is literally a stinky demon cow.

It is an interesting coincidence, is it not?

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #310: *Bad Wrong Fun*

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## Keltest

Theres only one thing I wont tolerate to any degree at my table, and that's genuine malice-fueled PVP. I will not allow anybody to use the game I am running for them in my house, out of my own pocket, to settle a personal vendetta against another player. If two people genuinely don't like each other, and they cant even be civil to each other in the same room, one or both of them are leaving. I don't care if somebody finds bullying somebody to be fun, if both players aren't in on the planning of the character conflict, and if theres an intent to hurt somebody in real life in some way, youre gone. Its my one line that I absolutely will not cross under any circumstances, and one of the few things I suspect a majority of people would agree qualifies as objectively badwrongfun.

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## Honest Tiefling

> Theres only one thing I wont tolerate to any degree at my table, and that's genuine malice-fueled PVP.


I think when a player's mom is forcing age inappropriate interaction on the players (I can't figure out why, but I assumed most of the 'main' group were in their late teens to twenties at least) and refusing to acknowledge a hobby isn't the same as free baby-sitting, your group is probably doomed from the get-go. No amount of sensible PVP rules is going to save it at that point, and if a bunch of kids came in and ruined your group...Yeah, real tempting to let their imaginary dragons duke it out while you watch.

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## Keltest

> I think when a player's mom is forcing age inappropriate interaction on the players (I can't figure out why, but I assumed most of the 'main' group were in their late teens to twenties at least) and refusing to acknowledge a hobby isn't the same as free baby-sitting, your group is probably doomed from the get-go. No amount of sensible PVP rules is going to save it at that point, and if a bunch of kids came in and ruined your group...Yeah, real tempting to let their imaginary dragons duke it out while you watch.


I mean, if theyre all having fun PvPing, that's all well and good. In the context of Handbook of Heroes, the comic that came with this topic would be fine (assuming im not horribly misreading it), Fighter killing Jeremy the Dragon out of spite would not be.

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## Honest Tiefling

> ...Fighter killing Jeremy the Dragon out of spite would not be.


I don't have brothers, but this seems like a likely outcome of having your teenage brother being forced to stop his hobby to babysit his brother who is either too bratty or too young to properly understand the rules. Fighter is still a jerk, but at that point, what would you really expect from forced social interaction and manipulative behavior?

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## Keltest

> I don't have brothers, but this seems like a likely outcome of having your teenage brother being forced to stop his hobby to babysit his brother who is either too bratty or too young to properly understand the rules. Fighter is still a jerk, but at that point, what would you really expect from forced social interaction and manipulative behavior?


Maturity? I mean yeah, its not great that gaming night is being interrupted for babysitting night, but its definitely not worth getting into a fight with real people, even by proxy. If anything, the proxy makes it worse, because now you've dragged the other people at your table into it.

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## Honest Tiefling

> Maturity? I mean yeah, its not great that gaming night is being interrupted for babysitting night, but its definitely not worth getting into a fight with real people, even by proxy. If anything, the proxy makes it worse, because now you've dragged the other people at your table into it.


You are absolutely right, it isn't a good idea, nor is it the right thing to do. I just many adults would probably just let the kiddos murder each other's characters repeatedly and watch, because when you have to contend with a player's mother AND children refusing to learn the rules, yeah, I think the right thing to do might fly out the window. I still think this should be an expected outcome when you have to contend with the complaining of a player's mom.

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## Keltest

> You are absolutely right, it isn't a good idea, nor is it the right thing to do. I just many adults would probably just let the kiddos murder each other's characters repeatedly and watch, because when you have to contend with a player's mother AND children refusing to learn the rules, yeah, I think the right thing to do might fly out the window. I still think this should be an expected outcome when you have to contend with the complaining of a player's mom.


Frankly, theres nothing that says that today's game needs to be part of continuity. Jeremy and friends are playing? Ok, lets shelf the current serious game and run through a silly game that lets everyone feel powerful tonight. Everyone rolls up new characters, everything is allowed, its going to be a paper thin nonsense plot designed to show the new kids what goes on. And if they like it and have fun with it, maybe ease them into joining the normal game, and if its still a problem, freaking talk to Fighter's Mom about forcing these guys to babysit for her (although the implication to me was that Fighter was hosting while his parents were home, and Jeremy didn't want to be excluded). Bullying somebody and trying to hide behind the game is never acceptable.

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## Honest Tiefling

I don't really think it is bullying to let the kiddos have at each other, especially since it seems heavily implied they aren't likely to listen or care what others say. A person who thinks that their character HAS to steal from the party usually isn't presented as a socially capable and understanding type in this sort of media. If the children start screaming at each other and won't listen to you...Yeah, maybe that one isn't on you.

And even if Fighter was in his parent's house, doesn't mean he should have to include his siblings in all of his social interactions with his friends. Forcing people to drop everything they had planned to accommodate you really isn't a good expectation to instill into kids of a certain age, which Jeremy might be. It would be swell of the party to run a mini-session for them, but it should be a favor and a nice gesture, not a forced interaction.

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## Keltest

> I don't really think it is bullying to let the kiddos have at each other, especially since it seems heavily implied they aren't likely to listen or care what others say. A person who thinks that their character HAS to steal from the party usually isn't presented as a socially capable and understanding type in this sort of media. If the children start screaming at each other and won't listen to you...Yeah, maybe that one isn't on you.
> 
> And even if Fighter was in his parent's house, doesn't mean he should have to include his siblings in all of his social interactions with his friends. Forcing people to drop everything they had planned to accommodate you really isn't a good expectation to instill into kids of a certain age, which Jeremy might be. It would be swell of the party to run a mini-session for them, but it should be a favor and a nice gesture, not a forced interaction.


I guess I don't understand your point then. Yes, it probably wasn't great to force Fighter to let Jeremy join, but Fighter was the only one who had a problem with it, the rest of the table was quite glad to let the younger kids in. And like I said, if the in-character fighting is fun for all parties out of character, more power to them. Its just when you do what Fighter does and use in-game violence to deal with out of game issues that it becomes a problem. Its not even that Fighter was forced to accept Jeremy that causes the conflict, he's just bitter, jealous and a jerk.

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## Honest Tiefling

That no amount of sensible PvP rules and decent behavior is going to make up for forced interaction from someone's mother.

And is anyone else confused by the Street Samurai's design? Are those ripped pants, or ripped leggings? It looks like the later, but I would like to think that the rule that everyone gets a free outfit is usually enforced. Pathfinder has that, right?

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## Keltest

> That no amount of sensible PvP rules and decent behavior is going to make up for forced interaction from someone's mother.
> 
> And is anyone else confused by the Street Samurai's design? Are those ripped pants, or ripped leggings? It looks like the later, but I would like to think that the rule that everyone gets a free outfit is usually enforced. Pathfinder has that, right?


I mean, if the point youre trying to make is that Fighter is a prick... yes? But being forced to invite the younger sibling (and friends) to play is not automatically going to result in a fight, its just that Fighter is the kind of person who will start a fight over nothing to begin with.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #315: *High Plains Drafter
*

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #316: *Prove Thyself* 

In which our Heroes encounter the conundrum of satisfying 1-on-1 duels.

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## Keltest

Personally, I tend to fall into the "fair fights are for chumps" camp. While it can be entertaining at times to have two combatants whose relative HPs are falling at approximately the same rate, if im actually one of those combatants, that means that my victory is probably going to come about because of luck, not skills, and that if I botch a roll, or he gets a good crit, that will be the deciding factor in victory, rather than anything special about me, in particular.

If im going to duel somebody, I don't just want to win, I want to utterly outclass them. I want there to be no doubt that I won because I was stronger, faster, more handsome and generally a superior human specimen. Especially if im an elf or something.

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## DRD1812

> Personally, I tend to fall into the "fair fights are for chumps" camp. While it can be entertaining at times to have two combatants whose relative HPs are falling at approximately the same rate, if im actually one of those combatants, that means that my victory is probably going to come about because of luck, not skills, and that if I botch a roll, or he gets a good crit, that will be the deciding factor in victory, rather than anything special about me, in particular.
> 
> *If im going to duel somebody, I don't just want to win, I want to utterly outclass them.* I want there to be no doubt that I won because I was stronger, faster, more handsome and generally a superior human specimen. Especially if im an elf or something.


We're talking about the power fantasy here. And I can get behind it except for one thing: I didn't do anything. The game balance did it. In other words, if I can find a way to cleverly defeat an opponent rather than letting my stats do it for me, that feeling of victory is far more rewarding. YMMV of course.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #317: *Rocket Horse*

Ludicrous speed is inherently hilarious. What's the fastest you've ever manage in an IRL game?

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## Keltest

> We're talking about the power fantasy here. And I can get behind it except for one thing: I didn't do anything. The game balance did it. In other words, if I can find a way to cleverly defeat an opponent rather than letting my stats do it for me, that feeling of victory is far more rewarding. YMMV of course.


Eh, I still built the character. If I rig up a bunch of traps around my castle to fend off bandits while im gone, I still put in work for the result, even if the decisions that mattered didn't take place during the actual confrontation.

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## DRD1812

> Eh, I still built the character. If I rig up a bunch of traps around my castle to fend off bandits while im gone, I still put in work for the result, even if the decisions that mattered didn't take place during the actual confrontation.


I'd feel the same if I took down an enemy many times more powerful than me. If I beat up a evil twin or managed to take down the tarrasque many levels earlier than CR would lead us to expect. But when game balance dictates that you're mechanically superior to your opponent, mechanical choices begin to feel hollow. What I mean is that the game is stacked in favor of the players. Just think how often you've experienced a TPK. I'm betting it's significantly less than half the time. It's that knowledge that's hard to reconcile with the power fantasy.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #319: *Powerful Ego*

Any of you guys have trouble maintaining an accent? It's even worse when your buddy is better at it than you. Let me tell you about my pal Dewayne....

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## Keltest

> I'd feel the same if I took down an enemy many times more powerful than me. If I beat up a evil twin or managed to take down the tarrasque many levels earlier than CR would lead us to expect. But when game balance dictates that you're mechanically superior to your opponent, mechanical choices begin to feel hollow. What I mean is that the game is stacked in favor of the players. Just think how often you've experienced a TPK. I'm betting it's significantly less than half the time. It's that knowledge that's hard to reconcile with the power fantasy.


I... guess I don't understand the concern then. Sure, past a certain point how much extra force you bring to the table starts to make the specific flavor somewhat meaningless in an abstract kind of way, but that doesn't mean im going to enjoy roasting somebody alive, or cleaving them in twain, or bluffing them into thinking theyre a vampire in sunlight or whatever shenanigans I have chosen as my idiom any less. Im perfectly capable of going on a power trip for my character. After all, being good at my idiom was my goal. I'd feel rather foolish if I was so bad at it that I kept getting killed and losing fights all the time. The trick, to me, is making the decisions that get you there seem as meaningful and important as they will turn out to be.

Also, my favorite sentient item ever was a holy sword created by minions of the God of Mirth and Laughter. It was a talking sword that when drawn in combat would just constantly prattle on and on. It was fairly opinionated and moderately knowledgeable, so I could use it as a DM mouthpiece when I needed to (ie to heckle my players), and it actually had a fairly hefty penalty to hit due to the distraction factor. But it balanced that out by rendering the party immune to sound-based attacks, and had a very, very impressive bonus to damage, on top of being a vorpal sword, because why not? So you would be swinging around wildly with this thing, listening to it heckle you about how badly you suck at swordfighting, and then every now and again you would just accidentally decapitate your target.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #320: *Named Arrow
*

Naming your attacks is hard. I tend to get stuck on the "NOUN of the ADJECTIVE NOUN" naming convention. That makes it easy to churn out attacks ("Flurry of the Frozen Dawn! Javelin of the Lightning God!"), but it feels like a cop out. What I really need is a better grammar....

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## Honest Tiefling

I don't tend to name attacks, annoucing to your enemy your power source and possible other information doesn't sit right with me. Or screaming much of anything since that tends to attract unwanted attention. You know what they say, speak quietly and travel with a very loud barbarian.

That, and my favorite spell is black tentacles, sooooo...Yeah, I think most DMs would prefer I didn't name that attack.

As for the issue of a fair fight, I think it heavily depends on the type of campaign. A story based campaign has details to exploit and use, NPCs to rally, and a villain you WANT to defeat. Kick in the door style play really doesn't lend itself well to that, I think, because there aren't as many details to the world. Would also depend on DM style, as some can balance an intricate world better than others. Not saying that is the only skill to DMing, but it is an important one.

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## DRD1812

*Handbook of Heroes #331: Classy Quests, Part 1/4
*
In which a wizard takes a succubus quest and vice versa.

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## Honest Tiefling

Lord Cragchin is a wonderful name for the archetypal hero with a jaw that can cut cheese.

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## DRD1812

> Lord Cragchin is a wonderful name for the archetypal hero with a jaw that can cut cheese.


Cheers! I honestly need to play more stereotypical noblemen. I always have a blast being an arrogant so-and-so when I DM them. No reason not to share the love with my player-self!

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #335: *Mobility Training
*

In which Monk cheats lawfully in a horse race.

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## Honest Tiefling

Well, at least the monk isn't throwing the horse. Through why the alchemist hasn't created some sort of horse abomination yet is beyond me.

If one horse devours another, do they both win if they cross the finish line first?

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## Keltest

> Well, at least the monk isn't throwing the horse. Through why the alchemist hasn't created some sort of horse abomination yet is beyond me.
> 
> If one horse devours another, do they both win if they cross the finish line first?


Only if the first horse has bits of the second horse stuck in its teeth.

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## Honest Tiefling

> Only if the first horse has bits of the second horse stuck in its teeth.


You know the saying. Never look a flying two-headed fire-breathing horse in the mouth.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #343: *Championship Round*

We wanted to depict Succubus's final smash, but we couldn't get it past the censors.

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## DRD1812

> If one horse devours another, do they both win if they cross the finish line first?


That's illegal strictly on the grounds of common decency: https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/...20130220001305

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #345: Christmas Spirit(s)


In which The Evil Party fill in for some goodly ghosts.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #349: *Technological Dependence*

In which Street Samurai confronts the painful realities of life in meat space.

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## DRD1812

Handbook Of Heroes #354: *Adversarial GMing*

I don't care what they say. It's fun making your players hate you!

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## DRD1812

Handbook Of Heroes #357: *Fire Guy* 

Always call "shotgun fireball guy."

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## DRD1812

> Can you please say me what about this topic is?


Just throwing down the latest pages from the comic as it updates. Each comic is its own topic, as per the blog. :)

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## DRD1812

Handbook Of Heroes #357: *Session Summary
*


How do you go about organizing your notes? How do you handle recapping at the beginning of sessions? How do you remember all those obscure freaking NPC names!?

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## Keltest

> Handbook Of Heroes #357: *Session Summary
> *
> 
> 
> How do you go about organizing your notes? How do you handle recapping at the beginning of sessions? How do you remember all those obscure freaking NPC names!?


Personally, I just have a good head for names. I tried writing it down for a while, but I found it was easier for me to just remember. Give NPCs some memorable characteristic (ie we had a dwarf who's armor was extremely shiny) and the party will remember the NPC, even if they don't remember the name. After that, its just a matter of keeping good track of your character sheets.

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## DRD1812

> Personally, I just have a good head for names.


Oh man... I wish that was me! I just had my first in-town session in about three months. I was scrambling to go back into my old notes to remember who the hell all my townspeople were. I've got to start keeping a proper glossary or wiki somewhere.

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## Keltest

> Oh man... I wish that was me! I just had my first in-town session in about three months. I was scrambling to go back into my old notes to remember who the hell all my townspeople were. I've got to start keeping a proper glossary or wiki somewhere.


I find statting out all the important (ie named) NPCs helps. And then you can just keep their character sheets in a 3 ring binder. Add a new tab if you have more than one town.

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## DRD1812

> I find statting out all the important (ie named) NPCs helps.


Yo... That might be the point of "more work than I want to put in" right there. Mad respect for the dedication though!

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #363: *Fear Itself*

You ever pause to ask yourself, "What would _I_ see if I got hit with a phantasmal killer?"

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## Keltest

> Yo... That might be the point of "more work than I want to put in" right there. Mad respect for the dedication though!


I actually have a program that can generate characters automatically. All I need to do is tell it to generate, say, a 9th level human fighter and bang, instant character sheet. Fill in the name and add a couple details about who he is and where he lives and youre golden.

Theoretically it will even generate spells for spellcasters, but since those can vary from day to day, I tend to just delete those and just fill in my own if I suspect I will need them.

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## DRD1812

> I actually have a program that can generate characters automatically. All I need to do is tell it to generate, say, a 9th level human fighter and bang, instant character sheet. Fill in the name and add a couple details about who he is and where he lives and youre golden.


Yo... Any details, links, or downloads? I wouldn't mind getting my hands on such an app.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #367: *Build Change*

In which dragons and gunslingers discover the power of a well-timed self-nerf.

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## Keltest

> Yo... Any details, links, or downloads? I wouldn't mind getting my hands on such an app.


Fun fact, my dad actually programmed it himself when he was in college. At this point its probably running on the computer equivalent of duct tape and chewing gum. Im sure there are similar programs out there though, he cant have been the only one to have had that idea in decades. We call it the DM helper.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #36:9 *Origin Stories: Commoner*

The house cat / commoner wars have raged since time immemorial, with no end in sight.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #371:*Monster Adoption*

In which Inquisitor meets an aurumvorax and acquires a new pair of distressed jeans.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #373:* Alternate Loadouts*

Intelligent weapon? Meet rust monster.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #375: *Consequences*

Protip: If you're trying to keep the filthy peasants from murdering you in the face, it helps not to refer to them as "dirty peasants." Contrary to popular opinion, being polite to NPCs is not against the rules!

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #377: *Third Wheel* 

If you've ever found yourself in a bad group, there are usually signs that you should get out. Learn to read those signs.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #381: *Battle Trance*

In which a monk and a catgirl bond over fire damage.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #383: *Active NPCs*

So often, NPC tag-alongs turn into extensions of the party. Why not allow them to bring their own motivations and storylines to the game?

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #385: *Unsurprising*

Sometimes, it's less fun experiencing a surprise twist than crafting one. Dramatic irony is good for you!

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #38:7 *Heavy Lies the Crown*

In which our poor unfortunate Wizard is obliged to forever retire from the campaign.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #389: *Desecration*

In which Fighter pisses off the undead.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #391: *Decorum*

Have some sympathy for Wizard. It's not easy being a serious-face RP type in the company of murderhobos.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #393: *Improvised Weapons*

Nunchuck franks! Rump roast great club! Side of beef tower shield! Throwing pork chops! Side of coleslaw!

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## Kantaki

I guess that steak's seasoned with garlic. :Small Big Grin: 

Also, I could almost pity Summoner.
If he didn't more than deserve it. :Small Annoyed: 
So I'm gonna cheer the ladys on instead. :Small Amused: 
I would recommend gagging him though...

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## DRD1812

> I guess that steak's seasoned with garlic.


If I was that vamp, I'd be adding salt to the mix. "It's a homophone your jerks! That's not how it works! Hissss!" 




> Also, I could almost pity Summoner.
> If he didn't more than deserve it.
> So I'm gonna cheer the ladys on instead.
> I would recommend gagging him though...


Like an under-leveled wizard in a solo-adventure, dude needs to pick his battles. 

Also like an under-leveled wizard in a solo-adventure, it amuses me no end imagining the carnage.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #395: *Dominate Hair*

Alternate title: Necromancer and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Hair Day.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #397: *No Quest Too Small*

In which Magus learns a harsh lesson about reading the small print.

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## Kantaki

I'm with Magus on this one.
_Dead or Alive_ is the default assumption with Wanted posters*.
If dead isn't a option you have to specify so beforehand. :Small Amused: 
Besides, it's the hedgehog's fault for fighting back.
Had it come with Magus peacefully everything would be fine.

*And what else is a lost pet flyer if not a Wanted poster? :Small Tongue:

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## Bohandas

Didn't that hedgehog used to be bigger?

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## Honest Tiefling

> Didn't that hedgehog used to be bigger?


I feel like this isn't the first time the Witch has needed to get a new familar, even if she didn't kill them herself. She probably doesn't live the safest of lifestyles, and a few do-gooders probably know to attack a witch's familiar, no matter how cute.

But yes, it does look a wee bit smaller, but that could just be the art style. Unless you are referring THAT comic, and I have completely missed the joke again.

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## DRD1812

> Didn't that hedgehog used to be bigger?


Well yeah. But Animal Growth is only a 1 mim/lvl spell.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #400: *Unholy Heals*

There's some debate between the writing team and the art team over the correct number on this comic. The website says it #400, the art files say it's #401. In either case, that's a ****load of comics. 

We suggest you celebrate by coming on down to the Temple of the Goodly Gods. Bring your coupon for one free healz! (Expires 4/24/1998.)

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## Kantaki

Meh, why bother with healing when you can... _encourage_* some NPCs to fix your buddies?

*Pay them, speechify about the importance of your quest, blackmail, threaten them and their loved ones, do the same with innocents, start going through with those threats, _sing_...
Even befriending them is a option.
Whatever it takes to get those idiots you're stuck with nursed back to health.

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## Honest Tiefling

Or you know...Seduce one. Since she's a succubus. Sorta what they do?

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## DRD1812

> *Pay them, speechify about the importance of your quest, blackmail, threaten them and their loved ones, do the same with innocents, start going through with those threats, _sing_...
> Even befriending them is a option.


Is that the preferred order of operations? :P

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## DRD1812

> Or you know...Seduce one. Since she's a succubus. Sorta what they do?


Circumstance penalties. Priest and Acolyte aren't attracted to fiends.

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #401: *Subbing In*

He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!

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## Keltest

If the number of dismembered would-be heroes is directly proportional to the amount of treasure in a monster lair, whatever is in that cave should easily pay for his resurrection anyway.

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## Kantaki

As coldhearted as she's beautiful...* :Small Eek: 
And now I'm imagining Wizard sounding like Boa Hancock... :Small Big Grin: 




> Is that the preferred order of operations? :P


For the _hired help_?
Probably. :Small Tongue: 
The list _is_ arranged in ascending order of vileness though. :Small Amused: 

*Yet wise enough not to demand the impossible of her underlings.
A true leader!

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## DRD1812

> As coldhearted as she's beautiful...*
> And now I'm imagining Wizard sounding like Boa Hancock...


Interestingly, Wizard does know the flesh to stone spell.

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## DRD1812

> If the number of dismembered would-be heroes is directly proportional to the amount of treasure in a monster lair, whatever is in that cave should easily pay for his resurrection anyway.


I asked for a "big scary monster" in the script. I suspect that "whatever is in that cave" is a PokéStop. *grumble grumble*

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #403: *Advantageous Position
*

THIEF: "Look at that thing's field of vision. I specifically moved to stand to its left. That's CLEARLY advantage."

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## Kantaki

Haw Haw :Small Big Grin:

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## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #405: "*From Hell's Heart*"

I don't know who that mourner lady is, but I do know that her first action in initiative will involve frantically beating Cleric with a black umbrella.

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## Kantaki

I mean at least he noticed before he reached the waiting cloud. :Small Big Grin:

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## DRD1812

> I mean at least he noticed before he reached the waiting cloud.


I feel like Wizard would be far happier on that cloud. Lots of good exposition up there.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #407: "*Aura of Personal Space*"

In which The Anti-Party get all up ons.

----------


## Kantaki

I'm kinda with his buddys there.
If you got something that keeps the icky things away you stick as close as possible to it.

And yes, paladins count as some_thing_.
They're basically robots anyway. :Small Tongue:

----------


## DRD1812

> I'm kinda with his buddys there.
> If you got something that keeps the icky things away you stick as close as possible to it.


I always liked the idea of defensive auras. You wind up having this interesting conflict between bunching up for protection while also giving enemy AoEs a fat target. It makes for interesting gameplay like that.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #409:* "Never Give Up, Never Surrender"* 

In which Magus is grumpled by Swamp Thing.

----------


## DRD1812

> I'm kinda with his buddys there.
> If you got something that keeps the icky things away you stick as close as possible to it.


What!? That sounds suspiciously like strategy and effective tactics to me. Not in my game, buddy! :P

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #411: "*Sudden But Inevitable*."

You remember how Drow Priestess hired on with The Heroes' support staff? I'm sure that's going well. Let's check in with them why don't we?

----------


## Kantaki

I get it.
Commoner is lying because he stabbed the guy.
And Drow Priestess helped him come up with a excuse cause she's a great party member. :Small Amused:  :Small Tongue:

----------


## DRD1812

> I get it.
> Commoner is lying because he stabbed the guy.
> And Drow Priestess helped him come up with a excuse cause she's a great party member.


I suspect you of being an actual drow. #concern

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #413: "*Diva*"

Most of the time, I think that Thief and Wizard are great together. Sometimes, however, I imagine that they have CR + 3 fights with one another.

----------


## Kantaki

Uh... wizard?
Do you want to wake up with a slit throat and a knife in your chest?
Because that's how you wake up with a slit throat and a knife in your chest.




> I suspect you of being an actual drow. #concern


Nah. Just not stupid enough to disagree with the stab-happy knife ear.

Err... I mean I don't judge situations at the first glance.
Those bloodsplatters on Drow Priestess for example?
Clearly a sign she tried to give first aid and not as someone more prejudiced might think proof she murdered him.

----------


## DRD1812

> Those bloodsplatters on Drow Priestess for example?
> Clearly a sign she tried to give first aid and not as someone more prejudiced might think proof she murdered him.


Truly, Drow Priestess is the very model of altruism.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #415: "*Rocket Jump*"

Sometimes, when you think outside the box too hard, the box explodes. Such is the fate of Sorcerer.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #417: "*Stupid Deaths*"

As you might have guessed from the title, Magus is indeed involved.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #420: *"Off-the-Rack Adventuring"*

Speaking of professionalism, you'd think that Elf Princess could bother to memorize her lines. What a hack!

----------


## Keltest

For my part, Modules are time savers. DMing takes a lot of prep work (although less so these days if you have a laptop with a nice generator program) so anything that allows you to front load that better is fair game in my book. Having said that, modules aren't a substitute for real thought. Don't drop a bunch of dragon PCs into a dragonslaying module unless youre prepared to shoot the rails with a mass driver. (bonus pun: another name for a mass driver is a railgun).

----------


## DRD1812

> For my part, Modules are time savers. DMing takes a lot of prep work (although less so these days if you have a laptop with a nice generator program) so anything that allows you to front load that better is fair game in my book. Having said that, modules aren't a substitute for real thought. Don't drop a bunch of dragon PCs into a dragonslaying module unless youre prepared to shoot the rails with a mass driver. (bonus pun: another name for a mass driver is a railgun).


Don't tempt me to run a train heist session around the phrase "derail the campaign." Because I'll do it. So help me I'll do it.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #421: * "Phoenix Downs"
*

The technical term for today's adventure is "role reversal."

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #424: *"Sweet Haul"
*
The Red Box is the standard, but I'm more of a Bisque Box guy myself. The Lilac Box was solid too.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #426: *"Average Damage"
*

Don't be smug around Barbarians. They can detect smug auras, at which point they have to save vs. berserker rage.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #428:* "Supernatural Man of Mystery"*


Necromancer actually perpetrates some Evil in this one! Of course, insofar as her victim is Fighter, she might just be perpetrating Neutral.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #430: *"Unconfirmed"

*
Technically, the creature in today's comic is not a cow. However, the phrase "ride 'em gorgongirl" doesn't have much of a ring to it.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #432: *"Powers of Perception"

*
Today, we learn that Thief has many ranks in Perception. Elf Princess does not.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #434: *"Size Differential"*

*Theme from 'Attack on Titan' plays*

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #436: *"Exceptional Mount"*

OK sure. I get it. We're talking about your loyal mount / familiar / animal companion / member of the Teamsters Union. You paid for them with feats and class abilities and wages and stuff, which makes them yours! All I'm saying is to remember to treat your minions like NPCs first and personal servants second.

----------


## Keltest

If the Handbook Party is anything like my party, being treated as personal servants would be a considerable upgrade over being treated as NPCs.

----------


## The Glyphstone

> If the Handbook Party is anything like my party, being treated as personal servants would be a considerable upgrade over being treated as NPCs.


Replacing personal servants costs money, but the world has an infinite supply of NPCs that cost nothing. It's sound economics.

----------


## DRD1812

> Replacing personal servants costs money, but the world has an infinite supply of NPCs that cost nothing. It's sound economics.


Like the Thermian said about the cast of Gilligan's Island: "Those poor people...."

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #438:* "The Golf Bag"
*
In which we discuss the ideal contents of ever warrior's big golf bag o' weapons.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #440: "*Starting Level*"

You guys ever get the feeling that your backstory may be a little too epic?

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #442: *"Splainin'"*

Summoner better hope Rouge never goes Rogue. She punches good.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #444:* "Pass the Eyeliner"*

Looking this evil takes work! I mean, Succubus may have access to natural shape-changing abilities, but there's no substitute for a well-crafted bra pad.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #448:* "Prep Time"*

What's this, the first page of a Handbook of Heroes coloring book? Either that or the gods must be lazy.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #450:* "Dice Jail"
*
I don't know how they play the harmonica, but you'd better believe there's some "Sad Hours" wafting out of there.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #452: *"Un-Prepared Casting"*

Those darn drow! Always trying to goth the place up.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #454: *"Freebies"*

The primary function of Street Samurai's scouter is to look cool. Its secondary function is to look up Arthur C. Clarke quotes.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #456: * "Precious Math Rocks"*

d4 for the daggers under the ribs,
d6 for the dragons breath in a fiery cone,
d8 for hit dice, (better roll high!),
d20 for the DM on his dark throne
In the Land of Basement where the Nerds lie.
d10 for vampires, percentile for Mythos,
d12 for barbarians, and their greataxe crit-os,
In the Land of Basement where the Nerds lie.

----------


## Kantaki

Antipaladin is the living- for now -example why you should always invest into knowledge skills like _Heraldry_ or _Genealogy_ when available.
_Especially_ if your power and or status depend on it.

Sure, other skills might be more immediately useful, but when the situation inevitably arrives you will regret not having them- just like our friend Antipaladin.

Also, regarding the dice I'm very much with Thief.
Sure, a fancy die is nice- to _look at_.
But if you actually want to use them?
Quantity has a quality on its own.

Loosing one is less tragic for one.
And if one of them rolls badly the following demonstration for the others can be much more... _drastic_. :Small Amused: 

Forget the dice prison. It's execution time. :Small Amused:

----------


## DRD1812

> Also, regarding the dice I'm very much with Thief.
> Sure, a fancy die is nice- to _look at_.
> But if you actually want to use them?
> Quantity has a quality on its own.


Hey, you know my stance on that topic. *The ugly ones try harder*.

----------


## DRD1812

> Also, regarding the dice I'm very much with Thief.
> Sure, a fancy die is nice- to _look at_.
> But if you actually want to use them?
> Quantity has a quality on its own.


Nothing quite as satisfying as that click-clack of a well-stocked dice box. Or trunk as the case may be.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #468: "*Unmasked, Part 1/4*"

In which a professional thief is out-stealthed by a unicorn climbing a wall.

----------


## Kantaki

The horse works for the Spanish Inquisition?

On older pages, the Vampire Werewolf looks kinda cuddly.
Also, Sorcerer is a jerk*. If you have unlimited cleaning spells you _share_.
At least cover up the smell.

*Not that he's alone in this...

----------


## DRD1812

> The horse works for the Spanish Inquisition?


It's a noble equestrian tradition: https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2...ssassins-steed




> On older pages, the Vampire Werewolf looks kinda cuddly.


Miss Gestalt has a strict regimen of personal grooming. That midnight howling you always hear? Waxing sessions. 




> Also, Sorcerer is a jerk*. If you have unlimited cleaning spells you _share_.
> At least cover up the smell.


Everybody in Handbook-World is a jerk. I think it might be a campaign trait.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #472: "*In Character*"

Toss a coin to your boatman.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #474: "*Light Stabbing*"

If Mr. Babau Demon was serious about impalement, he wouldn't have half a dozen spiky bits on that glaive-guisarme-guisarme-glaive.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #474: *"Hostage Crisis"
*
On the one hand, I acknowledge that's not a halberd. On the other hand, shut up.

----------


## Keltest

As far as it goes, I think the silver rule of DMing applies here: only have a roll when success and failure are both interesting outcomes. If a (N)PC is executing a helpless captive without resistance, having them fail to cut the throat because their damage is too low is only interesting in a "hah, the game rules are broken" kind of way. If its the middle of a chaotic combat and people are actively being attacked, there can be some real tension if somebody tries to line up a killing strike on an incapacitated opponent, so the rules do have a place, that place just isn't a hostage crisis.

----------


## Kantaki

Five minutes later:
"_What do you mean_ "There's no resurrection in this setting/system"_?_" :Small Tongue:  :Small Big Grin:

----------


## DRD1812

> As far as it goes, I think the silver rule of DMing applies here: only have a roll when success and failure are both interesting outcomes. If a (N)PC is executing a helpless captive without resistance, having them fail to cut the throat because their damage is too low is only interesting in a "hah, the game rules are broken" kind of way. If its the middle of a chaotic combat and people are actively being attacked, there can be some real tension if somebody tries to line up a killing strike on an incapacitated opponent, so the rules do have a place, that place just isn't a hostage crisis.


I think the rules can be interesting here if they represent an element of risk: the damage might or might not be enough to do the deed. But it's hard to do the calculus as a player when you're not sure if you're facing DM fiat, a had-and-fast rules interpretation, and how tough the hostage is vs. how much melee damage the hostage-taker can dish out. In other words, the stakes are all over the place. 

It makes me wonder if a couple of knowledge rolls to help gauge the situation could make this a more interesting encounter type.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #477:* "Rusty and Co. Crossover, Part 1/5"*

For those of you who missed it, the Handbook of Heroes gang put in an appearance on the fabulous *Rusty and Co. webcomic* a few weeks back. Here's the other end of the trade.

----------


## Keltest

> I think the rules can be interesting here if they represent an element of risk: the damage might or might not be enough to do the deed. But it's hard to do the calculus as a player when you're not sure if you're facing DM fiat, a had-and-fast rules interpretation, and how tough the hostage is vs. how much melee damage the hostage-taker can dish out. In other words, the stakes are all over the place. 
> 
> It makes me wonder if a couple of knowledge rolls to help gauge the situation could make this a more interesting encounter type.


If their ability to kill the hostage is uncertain, I think that rather defeats the purpose of having a hostage in the first place, no?

----------


## Kantaki

> If their ability to kill the hostage is uncertain, I think that rather defeats the purpose of having a hostage in the first place, no?


I mean, it depends on the tone you're aiming for.
In a more comedic game the druid repeatedly failing to cut the herbs he needs or the bandit having to slash the hostage's throat several times to get through their HP or assassins carrying battleaxes and ballistas during their missions isn't inappropiate, but in a more serious game it kinda ruins the mood.

The Rusty&Co crossovers are great by the way. Maddie and the evil party are great.
Not that they're in any danger. Her eyes are open. :Small Big Grin:

----------


## DRD1812

> If their ability to kill the hostage is uncertain, I think that rather defeats the purpose of having a hostage in the first place, no?


Imagine a PC trapped in the same situation. Can the get their hands up in time to dodge the knife point? Are they tough enough to take a shank to the shoulder? The ending of Rob Roy or Indiana Jones getting his hands under the garrote in Temple of Doom are relevant touchstones.

----------


## DRD1812

> The Rusty&Co crossovers are great by the way. Maddie and the evil party are great.
> Not that they're in any danger. Her eyes are open.


Is that a thing I missed? Is Maddie's game face always with closed eyes?

----------


## Keltest

> Imagine a PC trapped in the same situation. Can the get their hands up in time to dodge the knife point? Are they tough enough to take a shank to the shoulder? The ending of Rob Roy or Indiana Jones getting his hands under the garrote in Temple of Doom are relevant touchstones.


I disagree. If theyre a hostage being used for a moral dilemma, then they don't have the ability to resist like that. If theyre able to put up a fight, then the Bad Guy doesn't have the ability to use them as a shield, or quickly kill them or whatever it was they planned to do. Indy hasn't been taken hostage, he's grappling with the enemy. The contest to see if he can be restrained is still ongoing. Basically, I think that if the Bad Guy is able to restrain somebody so utterly that they can attempt to just execute them, or otherwise force them to take a full on attack against their will, they've already won the contest and should get their prize. Ditto if a PC manages to wrestle an enemy into submission for whatever reason.

----------


## Kantaki

> Is that a thing I missed? Is Maddie's game face always with closed eyes?


Kinda sorta?
She has that odd habit of fighting with her eyes closed.
I'm not entirely sure _why_- it might be she's just so goody two shoes that she can't bear to see even her foes get hurt -but it certainly is effective.

Usually she opens them during a fight it's when there's a pause- to talk with people and stuff and closes them when the battle continues.

Considering she isn't actively fighting right now having her eyes open actually fits.
Also because it is a funny moment, not a badass one.

----------


## DRD1812

> I disagree. If theyre a hostage being used for a moral dilemma, then they don't have the ability to resist like that. If theyre able to put up a fight, then the Bad Guy doesn't have the ability to use them as a shield, or quickly kill them or whatever it was they planned to do. Indy hasn't been taken hostage, he's grappling with the enemy. The contest to see if he can be restrained is still ongoing. Basically, I think that if the Bad Guy is able to restrain somebody so utterly that they can attempt to just execute them, or otherwise force them to take a full on attack against their will, they've already won the contest and should get their prize. Ditto if a PC manages to wrestle an enemy into submission for whatever reason.


I think it's related to the "called shot" rules: 

https://www.d20pfsrd.com/gamemasteri.../called-shots/

There's an impulse to make games less lethal because you don't want PCs to call "no fair, you took my agency." Couple that with the need to make the same rules work for PCs and NPCs, and you wind up with a situation where it's very difficult to make one-hit-KOs possible in almost any situation. The 3.X coup de grace rules can't be readied, for example, since they're a full-round action. I think we see a little of that in the Indiana Jones garroting example.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #482: *"Dog Park"*

Today's comic makes me want a druid-themed campaign based on "The Dog Whisperer." .

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #484: *"Ding"*

If you think about it, Rangers are the natural chefs of the D&D world.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #486: *"Philosophizing"*

Cyborgs are less prone to navel-gazing once they upgrade to a synthetic navel-free abdomen.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #488: "*For Whom the Toll Tolls*"

No surer way to court death than to ask a murderhobo to pay.

----------


## Kantaki

Meh. That sort of thing depends.
Just cause you saved the king of Somewhere doesn't mean you don't have to pay tolls and stuff in Elsewhere.
But generally taxes, Inn rooms, the adventurers guild fees and stuff like that* should be abstracted away.
Worst case just deduct it from whatever loot gets handed out.
Ideally before it gets handed out.


*Within reason. Replenishing basic expendable resources outside survival campaigns should be fine, actual equipment or specialist stuff not.
So regular arrows? Covered. Arrows of Fireball? Have to be bought separately.
Spices for cooking covered, garlic for vampire hunts not. Drinking water yes, Holy water no.

----------


## Keltest

I tend to lean in the direction of "if it isn't interesting for the party to run out of food, they don't have to worry about it."

Running out of holy water that they need to restock is interesting in a "limited resources are important" way. Running out of food because they didn't specifically declare they bought rations while in town is not. Doubly so because foraging is a thing, so unless theyre trapped in the arctic for a month, it doesn't even really have any chance of hurting them.

----------


## DRD1812

> Meh. That sort of thing depends.
> But generally taxes, Inn rooms, the adventurers guild fees and stuff like that* should be abstracted away.
> Worst case just deduct it from whatever loot gets handed out.


That's how it's run most often, my table included. But if it's all just one big undifferentiated loot pile, payers begin to assume that they shouldn't have to pay for anything. The living world begins to disappear, and you risk reducing your setting to "the dungeon" and "the shop." 

I guess I like the idea of using these kinds of fees to draw attention to certain elements of the setting. For example, one of the dudes in the comic's comments pointed out an interesting technique: 

"The Hells Rebels adventure path uses this psychological urge to great effect in building up their villain, the dictator of the city of Kintargo. In the first book (levels 1-3) it is 3 cp to cross the bridge from one side of the city to the other. Inconvenient, but not bank-breaking. The second book (levels 4-6) raises the toll to 5 sp. Also inconsequential to the PCs, but annoying. The third book (levels 7-9) raises it to 2 gp a trip or 10 gp for a day pass. By the fourth book (level 10) the city is open and violent revolt over this B.S. and the PCs take the bridge by force.

"Beyond making the villain hateable, this toll serves the plot function of drawing the players attention to the bridge, a key part of the city where they fight quite possibly 4 epic battles over the course of the AP (against a small army of guards, a dragon, the nearly-unkillable dictator himself if certain things happen and a suicide-causing ghost head)."

That's why I think arrow tracking becomes a thing behind enemy lines, and water hoarding becomes a thing in deserts. These details are best when they force players to pay attention to their situation.

----------


## DRD1812

> I tend to lean in the direction of "if it isn't interesting for the party to run out of food, they don't have to worry about it."


More or less my take. See my reply above. 

Of course, you do run into odd moments in these situations. "Wait. We haven't been tracking food this whole time. Why are we starting now? Has my guy been starving this whole time?" Most players are willing to handwave that sort of issue, but it can come up, and does represent a downside to the technique.

----------


## Keltest

> More or less my take. See my reply above. 
> 
> Of course, you do run into odd moments in these situations. "Wait. We haven't been tracking food this whole time. Why are we starting now? Has my guy been starving this whole time?" Most players are willing to handwave that sort of issue, but it can come up, and does represent a downside to the technique.


And i'll respond with "No, we just cant assume youre doing it automatically right now because there is no food anywhere."

As far as it goes, its not all that confusing. The situation is "youre trapped in a desert" or something, which most people can wrap their heads around easily enough. Hopefully youre leading with that instead of "ok, so im suddenly tracking food seemingly unprompted."

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #490:* "Origin Stories: Druid"
*
I will not apologize for the pun in today's comic. Or for the property damage.

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

> Handbook of Heroes #490:* "Origin Stories: Druid"
> *
> I will not apologize for the pun in today's comic. Or for the property damage.


pun? what pun?

----------


## Keltest

> pun? what pun?


Druidcrafts I would assume. Although coming from 5e where "druidcraft" is literally a class spell, I don't know if I would count it.

----------


## DRD1812

> Druidcrafts I would assume. Although coming from 5e where "druidcraft" is literally a class spell, I don't know if I would count it.


Look, it says right in the DMG that a pun is "a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word." I rule that it counts for the purposes of the punster class feature.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #492: *"Tournament Arc, Part 2/8"*

If the background is anything to go by, I'm betting they've got a time share with the local renaissance fair.

----------


## Keltest

Im sorry, is that fighter on the side of team Good?

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

> Im sorry, is that fighter on the side of team Good?


the advantage of lead armor

----------


## Kantaki

I'm gonna be honest here, I would side with Antipaladin.
For the sake of fairness of course.
Also because *beep* those *beep*ing *beeps* of "Good" and their hypocrisy and no-fun-allowedness.
Thirdly, more Xp. _All the Xp_, if I time things right. :Small Amused:

----------


## DRD1812

> Im sorry, is that fighter on the side of team Good?


What? It says "Good" right on his character sheet. Therefore everything he does is Good. Case closed. :P

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #494: *"Tournament Arc, Part 4/8"*

The script called for Thief to look "positively shocked at her girlfriends behavior." Now I'm thinking she's just jealous of all those lance-wielding jocks and their martial weapons proficiency.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #496: *"Tournament Arc, Part 6/8"*

Clearly this is all Snowflake's fault and is in no way an indictment of Paladin's feat selection.

----------


## TaRix

> Handbook of Heroes #496: *"Tournament Arc, Part 6/8"*
> 
> Clearly this is all Snowflake's fault and is in no way an indictment of Paladin's feat selection.


It'd take a lot of minuses to lose to a right-handed fighter tilting that way.  SCA folk, are the mounts going the wrong way, or am I just missing something?

----------


## Keltest

> It'd take a lot of minuses to lose to a right-handed fighter tilting that way.  SCA folk, are the mounts going the wrong way, or am I just missing something?


Google would seem to indicate that they are going the correct direction. Both fighters are presumably right handed, so the penalty, or lack there of, is equally applied to both riders.

----------


## Dexam

> It'd take a lot of minuses to lose to a right-handed fighter tilting that way.  SCA folk, are the mounts going the wrong way, or am I just missing something?


Although it's not shown in the strip, presumably the jousters would have shields and you would want your shield on the side closest to your opponent, not your lance; so it seems correct to me.

----------


## DRD1812

> It'd take a lot of minuses to lose to a right-handed fighter tilting that way.  SCA folk, are the mounts going the wrong way, or am I just missing something?


As a former SCA member, I can confirm that shield goes in left hand. Illustration.

----------


## tyckspoon

> It'd take a lot of minuses to lose to a right-handed fighter tilting that way.  SCA folk, are the mounts going the wrong way, or am I just missing something?


Shield nearest to your opponent, lance couched and braced against your body so that when you make contact the force from it (equal and opposite reactions, remember!) is distributed across as much of your own body as possible - you don't want to embarass yourself by having your strike end up unhorsing yourself or causing your lance to leap out of your hand instead of shattering dramatically against your target. It's a lot like whacking something with a stick that has a lot of flex in it; the vibrations from the stick have to go somewhere, and you want most of that absorbed into the mass of your body and horse, not your hands. Hard to do that if you try to hold the lance with the near hand, much more effective if it's held across your body.

----------


## TaRix

Okay, I concede.  I wonder if I thought it was otherwise from hazy hazy _Defender of the Crown_ jousting memories?  Nah, no excuses.

_A small ignorance beast is slain!  All party members gain 3 xp and a mead voucher._

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #497: *"Tournament Arc, Part 7/8"*

Good brosmanship is the pinnacle of the fighter's art.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #500: *"Celebrating (500 Comics!)"
*
Nearly 5 years into this campaign, and no signs of slowing down. :D

----------


## Kantaki

> Handbook of Heroes #500: *"Celebrating (500 Comics!)"
> *
> Nearly 5 years into this campaign, and no signs of slowing down. :D


Okay, Fighter's radiating the kind of calm and relaxation that comes with setting a town on fire*, Wizard and Thief are cute watching the stars together** and Cleric just realized he left his stuff at the inn***.

*The town's on fire, he's there, of course it was him.
**Admittedly those two are always cute together.
***I guess. Why else should he look so upset?
Beyond being Good, not a monster and having compassion for others.
Basically being the opposite of Fighter. :Small Big Grin:

----------


## DRD1812

> ***I guess. Why else should he look so upset?
> Beyond being Good, not a monster and having compassion for others.
> Basically being the opposite of Fighter.


That's the main town of Plotsville burning in the background. The Heroes keep their guild hall there. It is indeed full of Cleric's stuff.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #502:* "Disembodied Voice"
*
What do you get when you reanimate a dire frog? Give up? 

...

A lick lich.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #504: *"Sweet Surrender"*

The long-awaited vole hunting date between Druid and Arcane Archer did not go well.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #506: *"Uncomfortably Close Combat"*

Arrow Punch Force is the name of my elf metal band.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #508: *"Moniker"*

I think we've hit peak "dwarfy dwarf name."

----------


## Keltest

This exact situation came up for me just yesterday, with a dwarf and everything. I normally have all the important figures in my setting have full names recorded somewhere, just in case, but i discovered that i did not actually give first names to all the dwarven kings. They were all listed as "King Silvereye" or "King Ironhead", stuff like that. So now i get to spend the week making up a dozen or so appropriately royal sounding names for all the dwarf kings. Or queens i guess, since none of them were given any specific identities.

----------


## Rockphed

Ah, dwarf fortress, that bastion of silliness that practically encoded that dwarf names are strings of dwarfy nouns.

Actually, I think the next time I play a dwarf I will just boot up dwarf fortress and run through its random name generator a few times to see if I can come up with a character based on the names.

----------


## The Glyphstone

I will forever treasure the 1e Dwarf I made/played, Axebeard McBeardaxe of the Clan McBeardaxe.

----------


## tyckspoon

> I will forever treasure the 1e Dwarf I made/played, Axebeard McBeardaxe of the Clan McBeardaxe.


Sworn enemies of Clan MacAxeBeard, but they sometimes put aside their differences to unite in common cause against those utter bastards from across the mountain, Clan AxeMcBeard.

----------


## Keltest

The MacAxeBeards are our adversaries. The AxeMcBeards are our enemies!

----------


## mucat

But what ever happened to the McAxeClan Beards?

----------


## Keltest

They were all burned off in the Great Forging Disaster of 976. Between their bald chins and their embarrassment at having a Forging Disaster, they haven't come out from their hold in years.

----------


## tyckspoon

> But what ever happened to the McAxeClan Beards?


Diminished into the much-disgraced McCloselyTrimmedGoatees clan after the notorious Shaving Hatchet incidents. Truly a dark day in Dwarven history, and not spoken of to outsiders.

----------


## DRD1812

> So now i get to spend the week making up a dozen or so appropriately royal sounding names for all the dwarf kings. Or queens i guess, since none of them were given any specific identities.


I recently stumbled upon the notion that "hammer" is the Commong-tongue bastardization of the dwarven word "H'ammar," which means "son of." That's why you meet so many "Goldhammers" and "Smelthammers" and such.

----------


## Gez

Reminds me of a friend's joke character, "Lummox McBigbrute, of the McBigbrute Clan from Thugginbourg". He had things like "Weapon Proficiency: Tree", a negative Int score, and an immunity to mind-affecting spells and effects.

----------


## Kantaki

> Reminds me of a friend's joke character, "Lummox McBigbrute, of the McBigbrute Clan from Thugginbourg". He had things like "Weapon Proficiency: Tree", a negative Int score, and an immunity to mind-affecting spells and effects.


Because you can't affect something that doesn't exist? :Small Tongue:

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #510: *"Quittin' Time"*

Wait a minute... Has Fighter become Sigmar or Conan? I'm confused.

----------


## Keltest

Blood for the Stabby Throne?

----------


## Kantaki

Poor fighter, being successful.

I'm actually halfway seriously here- sure, he's reached pretty much everything he could hope for.
Power, fame, riches...
But look at him; he's alone, sitting in the dark*, on a uncomfortable chair...
Not even a _drink_.
And that cape looks kinda impractical too. Can he even stand up without choking himself?
In his place I'd miss the early days too.

*Not exactly, but it looks... gloomier, less bright than the bar they usually hang out in.

----------


## DRD1812

> Poor fighter, being successful.
> And that cape looks kinda impractical too. Can he even stand up without choking himself?


I suspect that the cape is tacked to the back of the throne. Probably had an interior decorator and everything.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #512: "*Dragon Encounter*"

Ya know how dragons are arrogant and overconfident? Don't be a dragon. Be a DM.

----------


## Keltest

Can confirm. DMs get substantially better bonuses to both.

----------


## DRD1812

> Can confirm. DMs get substantially better bonuses to both.


Unless of course your DM is also a dragon. In which case you really should be playing Houses & Humans with your other dragon pals.

----------


## Keltest

> Unless of course your DM is also a dragon. In which case you really should be playing Houses & Humans with your other dragon pals.


Ive got the Bill's Bungalow module all set up and ready to go if i can find any other dragons.

----------


## DRD1812

> Ive got the Bill's Bungalow module all set up and ready to go if i can find any other dragons.


Watch out for the "tax season" encounter in BB! You have to use a lot of homebrew from the H&H forums to make that one feel fair.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #514: *"The Hardest Encounters"
*
Look, it's no picnic for the kraken either. It's got to figure out the "breaking objects" rules.

----------


## Bohandas

Colin, have you considered doing a comic about the combat grid and COVID-19, and how it's like the characters are social distancing because they're always 5 feet apart

----------


## Keltest

Its not social distancing, its staying out of melee range.

----------


## DRD1812

> Colin, have you considered doing a comic about the combat grid and COVID-19, and how it's like the characters are social distancing because they're always 5 feet apart


Well now I have. 

Of course, the problem is that I've seen that gag a couple of times already. Didn't a dude block out 5' squares with plywood to illustrate a few months back...?

In any case, I'd have to think of a way to put a new spin on the punchline. Definitely needs to go on the "ideas pile" though. :)

----------


## Keltest

With a couple exceptions, i feel like topical stuff like that makes for bad comics. Its going to age pretty poorly (hopefully, at any rate) and doesnt really serve to promote the word of something important the same way a certain other topical page did. Also, im kind of sick of hearing about COVID in non-news sources. Let me have my silly escapism for a little bit.

----------


## DRD1812

> With a couple exceptions, i feel like topical stuff like that makes for bad comics. Its going to age pretty poorly (hopefully, at any rate) and doesnt really serve to promote the word of something important the same way a certain other topical page did. Also, im kind of sick of hearing about COVID in non-news sources. Let me have my silly escapism for a little bit.


My Curse of the Crimson Throne game is hiatus. We were on book 2. That's the one about fighting a magical plague. 

I guess some of my players felt like the real world had got into their game. It became more stressful reminder than fun distraction. :/

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #515: "*Self-Perception*"

In which Cleric gets a hot new look.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #518: "*Intriguing*"

I'm pretty sure Barbarian would win the cleavage contest at my local Ren Faire. Followed immediately by winning the joust.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #519: "*'Science' Fiction*"

You guys ever hear of a game called  _Hypertellurians_? It's retrofuturistic science fantasy, and the creators reached out to partner with us for a few comics. :D

----------


## Gez

> Handbook of Heroes #519: "*'Science' Fiction*"


The scientific soundness of the setting is causing a dispute among the players? It should have been titled "Science Friction".

----------


## DRD1812

> The scientific soundness of the setting is causing a dispute among the players? It should have been titled "Science Friction".


Nah. That's only for seismology disputes.

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

totally not my genre

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #522: *"Spat"*

Trouble in paradise? If a shadowy castle full of assassins is paradise, then sure.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #524: "*Spat*"

What Wizard lacks in hit points, she makes up in comical (✖╭╮✖) expressions.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #526: *"System Shock"
*
Does the phrase "I want to try a new system" fill you with a crushing sense of inevitable doom and cosmic horror? Must be why they're playing CoC this week.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #528: *"Overconfidence"*

Hubris is the the greatest natural enemy of Barbarian.  Bears are the second greatest.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #530: "*The Hangover*"

The yap bat is a most horrible fiend. It won't let you back into your favorite bar until you defeat it.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #532: *"The Full Party"
*
Trying to get your various vassals, minions, cohorts, animal companions, and assorted hangers-on anywhere is a logistical pain in the ass. But it's especially annoying on gondola rides.

----------


## Keltest

I dont even have stats or names for a lot of the misc camp followers and ship crew for my current party. Theyre interchangeable and faceless. And i may have fed some of them to Mind Flayers at one point, and the party didnt notice, so i dont know if this is a bug or a feature.

----------


## DRD1812

> I dont even have stats or names for a lot of the misc camp followers and ship crew for my current party. Theyre interchangeable and faceless.


Whatever you do, don't name them. That's how the DM gets you.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #534: *"Cats and Dogs"*

The Patreon voted for Magus / Miss Gestalt as an oddball pairing. Of course the fur would fly.

----------


## Keltest

> Whatever you do, don't name them. That's how the DM gets you.


I AM the DM. Hence the lack of names. If i was a player, every single one of them would be given a personality whether the DM liked it or not, because i am cruel and like to make the DM do extra work.

And yes, i put in that work myself on the other side of the screen, so turnabout is fair play.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #536: *"A Subtle Magic"*

In which we find Bard in his natural habitat.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #538:* "Targeting System"*

One of these goblins is rolling Deception. The other is rolling Persuasion. WHICH IS WHICH?

----------


## Keltest

The one on the left isnt missing any teeth. And his ears arent even tattered or anything. Fighter would be doing him a favor, really.

----------


## DRD1812

> The one on the left isnt missing any teeth. And his ears arent even tattered or anything. Fighter would be doing him a favor, really.


Yeah, but you want to preserve the one with more teeth. They're *easier to question*.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #540:* "Patronizing"*

Please join me in welcoming Warlock to the comic!

----------


## Keltest

Welcome to the comic Warlock!

Question. How come only some characters get named by their class/role, but then sometimes you get characters like Swash and Buckle with real names?

----------


## Cazero

> Question. How come only some characters get named by their class/role, but then sometimes you get characters like Swash and Buckle with real names?


...They're both swashbucklers. They don't have real names.

----------


## Keltest

> ...They're both swashbucklers. They don't have real names.


Sure they do. Swash and Buckle.

----------


## Cazero

Then by that metric Fighter is a real name that just happens to fit his class.

----------


## Keltest

> Then by that metric Fighter is a real name that just happens to fit his class.


Theyre obviously named after their class, but they arent named the same thing as their class. Which was my point, and im pretty sure you understood that.

----------


## DRD1812

> Welcome to the comic Warlock!
> 
> Question. How come only some characters get named by their class/role, but then sometimes you get characters like Swash and Buckle with real names?


Swash/Buckle are named after the Swashbuckler class. They're a package deal. :)

While creating the characters, we were kicking around ideas for what Swashbuckler should look like, and couldn't settle on a single design. I had the idea to split the difference, we giggled like idiots imagining a goofy Team Rocket style pirate duo, and then decided to run with it.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #542: *"White-Haired Witch"*

Since Witch acquired her powers, she developed (un)natural white hair. Shes had to dye it back to blonde again ever since. While she appreciates a nice Doc Oc power-up, no woman wants to go prematurely gray.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #544: "*SFX*"

Stakeouts require patience, vigilance, and probably a coloring book for Magus.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #546: "*Friendly Contest*"

One of my favorite pastimes is figuring which of characters haven't met each other yet. This is the result.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #548: "*Taking 10*"

If I was a dragon, I'd make sure to never land. They can't stab you if you don't land.

----------


## Keltest

> Handbook of Heroes #548: "*Taking 10*"
> 
> If I was a dragon, I'd make sure to never land. They can't stab you if you don't land.


I can tell you with significant confidence that this is not true. My party just killed not one but two ancient red dragons in their lair yesterday. There was much stabbing involved.

----------


## Vrock Bait

Handbook of Heroes #549: "*Thief + Wizard, Part 1/5*"

New comic is up. Not sure if this is a flashback or a current event? Probably the latter considering Wizard looks female.

ETA: Shoot, I just realized the person updating the thread is the author. Sorry!

----------


## Kantaki

I mean, they kinda sorta both have a point?
I just hope this will end well. That relationship was always a fun part of the comic.

Also, I'm kinda reminded of Darths & Droids and some of the drama with Jim and Annie*. Time for a reread. :Small Amused: 

*Also, some of Haley's points about lawful folks during the battle for Azure City. Huh. The Order of the Stick might need a reread too.
Oh well, that's what the holidays are for...

----------


## DRD1812

> ETA: Shoot, I just realized the person updating the thread is the author. Sorry!


Friggin' finally! I only had to post 548 of these things to develop a following! :P

----------


## DRD1812

> I just hope this will end well. That relationship was always a fun part of the comic.


It's hard, but sometimes relationships change over time. (ominous hint! foreboding tease! portentous insinuation! synonymous synonym!)

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #550: "*Thief + Wizard, Part 2/5*"

If Wizard is ever slain and reincarnated, I suspect she will come back as a drama llama.

----------


## Keltest

> Handbook of Heroes #550: "*Thief + Wizard, Part 2/5*"
> 
> If Wizard is ever slain and reincarnated, I suspect she will come back as a drama llama.


Shame you already did that comic.

Also, please dont be mean to Thief and Wizard.

----------


## DRD1812

> Also, please dont be mean to Thief and Wizard.


I suspect you will appreciate Friday's comic. :)

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #552: "*Thief + Wizard, Part 4/5*"

Wait until they hear that Patches the Unkicked is his +1.

----------


## Keltest

> I suspect you will appreciate Friday's comic. :)


Well, you were right. Happy anniversary!!

----------


## Kantaki

So cute. :Small Red Face:  You can see Thief's eyes.
All of them. :Small Big Grin: 
Also, Magus and Inquisitor? :Small Confused: 
And Ranger and Fighter. :Small Eek:

----------


## DRD1812

> Well, you were right. Happy anniversary!!


Cheers! She got me LED string lights for my reading nook. A happy gamer is me. :)

----------


## DRD1812

> So cute. You can see Thief's eyes.
> All of them.
> Also, Magus and Inquisitor?
> And Ranger and Fighter.


Magus and Inquisitor are are thing. 

So are Druid and Arcane Archer. 

Technically Paladin and Necromancer as well. 

But Fighter and Ranger? Come on now. That's only a thing on the _other_ Handbook. :D

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #554: "*Edgy*"

If you combine Gunslinger and Warlock, I'm pretty sure you get Vincent from Final Fantasy VII.

----------


## Rockphed

> Handbook of Heroes #554: "*Edgy*"
> 
> If you combine Gunslinger and Warlock, I'm pretty sure you get Vincent from Final Fantasy VII.


From the "things I cannot do while gaming" thread: 




> * My character may not be a happy Edgepeasant thankful that his edgebaron shoulders all the pain of ruling for him so he doesn't have to
> ** The Edge-Earls and Edgedukes do not argue with each other over who is more selfless bearers of pain so that the best one can be Edge-King rather than fight wars
> *** There is no Kingdom of Edge and the Edgelords do not go "no, I rule alone! my suffering will bring happiness to my subjects!"


I am fairly certain that Warlock is an edgemayor at best.  Only 2 belts?  Pshaw.  And absolutely none of his clothes manace with spikes.

----------


## DRD1812

> I am fairly certain that Warlock is an edgemayor at best.  Only 2 belts?  Pshaw.  And absolutely none of his clothes manace with spikes.


It's not my fault! We peaked way too early on the spiky armor front: https://www.handbookofheroes.com/arc...k-of-heroes-04

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #556: "*Lucky Guess*"

I'm still holding out hope for a Spaceballs sequel.

----------


## Vrock Bait

Knowing passwords, it was always between either that or 00000.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #558: "*Natural Allies*"

If Inquisitor winds up burning Drow Priestess at the stake, does that technically count as hot drow-on-drow action?

----------


## Kantaki

To be fair, unless that's a distraction to hide some evidence on Inquisitor, that move would be stupid even _ especially_ if Inquisitor were a evil drow.

There's just too many reasons to leave- or deliver -Drow Priestess to the mob and not enough compelling ones to help her.

----------


## DRD1812

> There's just too many reasons to leave- or deliver -Drow Priestess to the mob and not enough compelling ones to help her.


She's already allowed herself to be captured by surface-dwellers and put into their surface. If I'm Lolth, I'm none too impressed so far.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #560: "*New Recruit*"

You guys know Hatebeak? It's a death metal band with a rooster for a frontman. Don't know what made me remember that....

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #562: "*Twomp*"

Weirdly, you don't take any Stealth penalties for being glowy and bright pink.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #564: "*Emotional Attachment*"

*sings*
It was a one hit, one kill, giant purple worm encounter...

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #566: "*Confessional*"

Few realize that the material component of the atonement spell is a confessional booth.

----------


## Vrock Bait

> Handbook of Heroes #566: "*Confessional*"
> 
> Few realize that the material component of the atonement spell is a confessional booth.


And so the Lord DM spoke. Its kind of a bummer that it doesnt work that way, the God said, let the Slasher feat also apply to the shortsword. And it was, and it was good.

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

> Few realize that the material component of the atonement spell is a confessional booth worth at least 2500GP.


fixed it for you

----------


## DRD1812

> And so the Lord DM spoke. Its kind of a bummer that it doesnt work that way, the God said, let the Slasher feat also apply to the shortsword. And it was, and it was good.


What!? You can't just change rules like that on the fly! Jeremy Crawford is liable to drop through your ceiling SWAT team style and civil forfeiture your DM screen!

----------


## DRD1812

> fixed it for you


Truly, his is the path of the righteous: the path of the rules lawyer. :D

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #568: "*Tropic of Evil, Part 1/5: Climate Control*"

There really needs to be a "reroll on the random weather chart" spell.

----------


## Kantaki

Never taunt Murphy.

Succubus though... :Small Big Grin: 
Eyes like saucers. :Small Big Grin:

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

> Truly, his is the path of the righteous: the path of the rules lawyer. :D


For evil Clerics its cheaper if there is a cleric of an opposing faith inside the confessional when its burned.

----------


## Taevyr

Ah, I never get tired of seeing A-P taking care of Patches the Unkicked.

----------


## DRD1812

> Succubus though...
> Eyes like saucers.


Fun fact about illustrators: They mimic they expressions they're drawing as they draw them. 

ENDLESS. FREAKING. ENTERTAINMENT.

----------


## DRD1812

> For evil Clerics its cheaper if there is a cleric of an opposing faith inside the confessional when its burned.


I straight up love spells that give you this kind of leeway with the specifics. What do you do when you cast hallow? What's the point of all that sacred oil with reincarnate? What exactly do your specific magic missiles look like? 

One of my favorite parts of playing a caster.

----------


## DRD1812

> Ah, I never get tired of seeing A-P taking care of Patches the Unkicked.


I really need to bring back Patches the Unkicked the Evil Telephone. It's been a while since we've heard from Demon Queen.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #568: "*Tropic of Evil, Part 3/5: Type Cast*"

True facts: All D&D islands are Skull Island.

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

> Handbook of Heroes #568: "*Tropic of Evil, Part 3/5: Type Cast*"
> 
> True facts: All D&D islands are Skull Island.


16lvl party after finishing an AP: lets go on an island hopping style vacation

----------


## DRD1812

> 16lvl party after finishing an AP: lets go on an island hopping style vacation


Heh. I did a "spa vacation" module once upon a time. There was a hot springs elemental that grew out of a love spring's steam. Shenanigans ensue.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #570: "*Tropic of Evil, Part 5/5: Volcano God*"

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a grand escape
That started from this tropic isle
Aboard a giant ape.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #573: "*Cute*"

As a matter of interest for all you fantasy ecologists out there, the pseudodragons of Handbook-World share a common ancestor with armadillos.

----------


## Kantaki

I'm pretty sure they want to eat her. :Small Amused: 
They are dragons.
Magus is crunchy and goes well with ketchup.
1+2=3.
QED. :Small Tongue:

----------


## DRD1812

> Magus is crunchy and goes well with ketchup.


*Cat-sup. FTFY. :D

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #576: *"Quest Support"*

Oh no! If only they'd listened to Quest Giver! Or that crazy peddler outside the dungeon. Or interrogated that kobold. Or made an Intelligence check....

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #578: "*Medieval Stasis*"

In which Wizard issues the first (and last) speeding ticket in the history of Handbook-World.

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

> Handbook of Heroes #578: "*Medieval Stasis*"
> 
> In which Wizard issues the first (and last) speeding ticket in the history of Handbook-World.


speeding ticket?
did Alchemist assemble that contraption too quickly?

----------


## Kantaki

> speeding ticket?
> did Alchemist assemble that contraption too quickly?


Yes. He was several millennia too fast, as far as Wizard is concerned. :Small Tongue:  :Small Big Grin:

----------


## DRD1812

> Yes. He was several millennia too fast, as far as Wizard is concerned.


Ba dum. And also tish.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #580: "*Activate Judgment of Judging*"

Good thing Quiz is neutral. Otherwise she'd have to put a few cp in the swear jar.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #582: "*Monster Creation*"

It's nice to have a prompt delivery service. But like... How would even tell if the parts were damaged?

----------


## Kantaki

And that's why you don't buy your monster kits from IKEA. :Small Big Grin:

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

> And that's why you don't buy your monster kits from IKEA.


hey, three livers = bonus on fortitude saves vs. poison , right?
unless the monster was going to be immune already.

----------


## Kantaki

> hey, three livers = bonus on fortitude saves vs. poison , right?
> unless the monster was going to be immune already.


I mean, she's a necromancer, no?
So the monster'd probably be some form of undead.
Poisoning the differently living is generally somewhat tricky in my experience.

Also, it doesn't matter how immune super minion #900 is to anything if you can't assemble it because there are missing parts in the box.

----------


## DRD1812

> hey, three livers = bonus on fortitude saves vs. poison , right?
> unless the monster was going to be immune already.


I feel like we've stumbled upon a sweet alternate necromancy system, now with extra crunch! (And also extra livers.)

----------


## DRD1812

> And that's why you don't buy your monster kits from IKEA.


I'm pretty sure this one comes from the *DIE-kea.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #584: "*Team Spirit*"

NOBODY expects a halfling in body paint! His chief weapon is desperation...desperation and loyalty...loyalty and desperation.... His two weapons are loyalty and desperation...and pathetic puppy dog eyes.... His *three* weapons are loyalty, desperation, and pathetic puppy dog eyes...and an almost fanatical desire to game.... His *four*...no... *Amongst* his weapons.... Amongst his weaponry...are such elements as desperation, loyalty.... I'll come in again.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #586: "*Frustration*"

If you put on your 3D glasses, the Misplacer Beast will spend its reaction to make fun of your silly appearance.

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

> If you put on your 3D glasses, the Misplacer Beast will spend its reaction to make fun of your silly appearance.


where do I even get 3D glasses of the silly kind?

----------


## Rockphed

> where do I even get 3D glasses of the silly kind?


Where do you get non-silly 3D-glasses?  The best are the modern left/right helical polarization lenses, and even they look like really, really cheap sunglasses.  The older red/blue ones are incredibly silly looking.

----------


## DRD1812

> where do I even get 3D glasses of the silly kind?


I can't be certain, but I'm guessing Hammerthief space.

----------


## DRD1812

> Where do you get non-silly 3D-glasses?  The best are the modern left/right helical polarization lenses, and even they look like really, really cheap sunglasses.  The older red/blue ones are incredibly silly looking.


I see that your a misplacer beast. Fair enough. :P

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #588: "*Specific Weapon*"

In the grim darkness of the cyberpunk future, there are only Karens.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #592: "*Same Page*"

I guess Paladin had one of those tragic orphan backstories.

----------


## Kantaki

Classic misunderstanding that. :Small Amused: 
And somehow defenses like "unclear wording" or "poor phrasing" never fly.
No, it's always the necromancer's fault... :Small Annoyed: 
 :Small Tongue:

----------


## DRD1812

> No, it's always the necromancer's fault...


And she's trying so hard, dammit!

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

> And she's trying so hard, dammit!


yeah, shes definitely trying

but one of the definitions further down the dictionary  :Small Wink:

----------


## DRD1812

> yeah, shes definitely trying
> 
> but one of the definitions further down the dictionary


I feel like Paladin doesn't get enough sympathy. Dude's a jerk, but he has to put up with A LOT of guff.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #594: "*Wrastlin'*"

Corkscrew kobold bomb, diving double overhead kobold chop, sitout full nelson atomic kobold drop... There's no move you can't kobold!

----------


## Rockphed

Wait, I thought warlock's patron was rogues demon ancestress.

----------


## Kantaki

> Wait, I thought warlock's patron was rogues demon ancestress.


Antipaladin's, not Warlock's. I think.
Also Sorcerer's greatest grandma if I recall correctly.

----------


## Taevyr

Yup: really looking forward to someone pulling on that plot thread.

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

@DRD1812

did you remove my post with two links to youtube videos about air rifles?

----------


## DRD1812

> @DRD1812
> 
> did you remove my post with two links to youtube videos about air rifles?


Naw. It's there on the "Surf & Turf" comic. I think that I have to manually approve links though. Sometimes. Randomly. 

(I'm honestly not sure why the comments system insists on manual approval sometimes.)

----------


## DRD1812

> Yup: really looking forward to someone pulling on that plot thread.


Just so you know, every time someone speculates on a plot thread, it goes into my "scripts that I should probably write soon" file.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #596: "*Off the Rack*"

As a bare knuckle brawler, Pug doesn't really NEED a big honkin' greataxe. But I think I speak for all fantasy nerds when I say that I empathize.

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

> Naw. It's there on the "Surf & Turf" comic. I think that I have to manually approve links though. Sometimes. Randomly. 
> 
> (I'm honestly not sure why the comments system insists on manual approval sometimes.)


maybe it took a while to notice its gun content and pulled it for approval.

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

> Handbook of Heroes #596: "*Off the Rack*"
> 
> As a bare knuckle brawler, Pug doesn't really NEED a big honkin' greataxe. But I think I speak for all fantasy nerds when I say that I empathize.


empasize? yeah sure.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #598: "*Save or Die*"

Unlike Paladin, Witch will not be contributing to the swear jar. That's how you know she's Evil.

----------


## Keltest

I always figured the swear jar would be a law/chaos thing. After all, Lawful Evil is refined and dignified too. Sometimes.

----------


## DRD1812

> I always figured the swear jar would be a law/chaos thing. After all, Lawful Evil is refined and dignified too. Sometimes.


Are saying that chaotic good characters are allowed to cuss? Find me one instance of Robin Hood swearing. I dare ya! I double dog dare ya! :P

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #600: "*Too Much Confusion*"

...I can't get no relief

Demi-human, drink my wine
Magmins dig my earth
None will level up on time
Nobody on our Discord
Hey, hey

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #602: "*Reload*"

ho shoots a cultist in the butt? Honestly!

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #604: "*Loose Lips*"

I don't know about you guys, but vampire pool party is the theme of *my* next adventure.

----------


## Keltest

Coincidentally, vampires is also the theme of my next game that im running. Vampires and faeries. And Pittsburgher orcs, because why not?

I swear this is intended to be a fairly serious setting.

----------


## DRD1812

> Coincidentally, vampires is also the theme of my next game that im running. Vampires and faeries. And Pittsburgher orcs, because why not?


What... What exactly is a Pittsburgher orc?

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #606: "*The Fog*"

In which Cavalier fails her Spot check.

----------


## Keltest

> What... What exactly is a Pittsburgher orc?


An orc who speaks in a Pittsburgh accent, voted the most annoying accent in America. 

It helps lighten up the tone of the campaign a bit when some enemies are things like the Wild Hunt or a would-be lich who got it wrong and accidentally became blood instead of a skeketon.

----------


## Metastachydium

> a would-be lich who got it wrong and accidentally became blood instead of a skeketon.


And how's that mix with _vampires_?

----------


## Kantaki

> And how's that mix with _vampires_?


A meal that won't stay down? :Small Tongue: 

Puddle the Lich really hates vampires because they keep looking at them like they're a juice box?
Just without the box. :Small Big Grin:

----------


## Keltest

> And how's that mix with _vampires_?


Well the orcs are vikings you see, and the vampires want to conquer them, because theyve discovered gunpowder. But the orcs live on islands well away from the main ports of the vampire's empire, and also they have cannons and gunpowder, so while the vampires might be able to come in and just blow up all the islands, that doesnt really get them anything except the satisfactiln.

Basically, i wanted the orcs to be there as an "outsider" faction, and also still have them be recognizably orcs, without having them be the stereotypical "dumb as a rock" orc.

----------


## DRD1812

[QUOTE=Keltest;25096025]Well the orcs are vikings you see /QUOTE]

Then why don't they have a Minnesotan accent? :P

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #608: "*Unexpected Improvisation*"

Does "your own femur" deal bludgeoning or piercing damage?

----------


## Keltest

> Originally Posted by Keltest
> 
> 
> Well the orcs are vikings you see
> 
> 
> Then why don't they have a Minnesotan accent? :P


Because im from Pennsylvania, as is most of my group. And we love to make fun of Pittsburgh.

----------


## Kantaki

> Handbook of Heroes #608: "*Unexpected Improvisation*"
> 
> Does "your own femur" deal bludgeoning or piercing damage?


As a club or as a spear? :Small Tongue:

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #610: "*Flanking*"

Look out, Thief! That Black Queen is winding up for a power attack!

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #61: "*The Outer Planes, Part 2/?: Limbo*"

Obviously they just carjacked Glenda the Good Witch and need to lie low while the heat dies down.

----------


## Kantaki

I dunno. This seems relative pleasant for a family reunion.

And I'm sure whatever nefarious plans the Demon Queen has(n't) for her descendants, they're only bad if you aren't part of the family.

So Wizard better hope marriage counts in granny's book. :Small Amused:

----------


## DRD1812

> So Wizard better hope marriage counts in granny's book.


Clearly, they've both married into *dysfunctional families*.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #616: "*The Outer Planes, Part 6/?: Rat Bastards*"

Can you play the Evil alignment in Mouse Guard? I feel like somebody played the the Evil alignment in Mouse Guard.

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

did my latest reply in https://www.handbookofheroes.com/arc...overperforming
with the link to Guilded Age Comis stuck in approval limbo?

----------


## DRD1812

> did my latest reply in https://www.handbookofheroes.com/arc...overperforming
> with the link to Guilded Age Comis stuck in approval limbo?


You're Agi over on the comic? I don't see anything containing a link. I think the internet may have eaten it.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #620: "*To Catch a Killer, Part 1: Call to Adventure*"

Shady murders done in the dark? This looks like a job for Horsepower! 

*cut to Lumberjack Explosion tied to a hitching post, defeated by a granny knot*

----------


## Kantaki

Inquisitor's shirt is just cute.  :Small Big Grin:

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

> You're Agi over on the comic? I don't see anything containing a link. I think the internet may have eaten it.


I thought the avatar would give me away but apparently thats broken.

since its not posting there heres a link to the comic I was referring to
https://guildedage.net/comic/chapter-4-cover/

----------


## DRD1812

> Inquisitor's shirt is just cute.


I can only assume that Undercommon has weird grammar.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #622: "*To Catch a Killer, Part 3: Stay of Execution*"

Werewolf half resistant to sunlight.

Vampire half too charming to lynch.

UNSTOPPABLE TOTAL PACKAGE!

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #622: "*To Catch a Killer, Part 5: Job Offer*"

Is this the first time BBEG has actually done something villainous?

----------


## Keltest

Didnt he murder a bunch of minions or something once?

----------


## Kantaki

> Didnt he murder a bunch of minions or something once?


Sure, but killing the big bad's minions is hardly _villainous_.
The _heroes_ do it all the time. :Small Tongue:

----------


## Metastachydium

> Didnt he murder a bunch of minions or something once?


That wasn't him. That being said, he _did_ murder our brave heroes once (although that's not terribly alignment-indicative either).

----------


## DRD1812

> That wasn't him. That being said, he _did_ murder our brave heroes once (although that's not terribly alignment-indicative either).


If murdering Fighter makes you evil, I think my alignment may have slipped a bit.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #626: "*The Big Guns*"

That's not a tree. It's a tree-sized shillelagh.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #628: "*Unexpected Intelligence*"

How many sugar cubes does it take to buy a unicorn's silence?

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #630: "*Eldritch Blast*"

I wonder if Eldritch Blast could help you scribe scrolls somehow? Hmmm....

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #632: "*Enter the Slayer*"

I would accept either A) this buddy cop movie or; B) Pugilist in a poofy dress.

----------


## Keltest

I have a very important question. How does one pronounce the condensed form of Pugilist's name? Is it like the dog breed, or the first syllable of her full name?

----------


## DRD1812

> I have a very important question. How does one pronounce the condensed form of Pugilist's name? Is it like the dog breed, or the first syllable of her full name?


It's always been "Pug like the dog" to me. Somehow, the name "Puge" just doesn't hit the cuteness quotient for me.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #634: "*Skeleton Ambush*"

Foolish Antipaladin! How can you hope to overcome Skelebro with a non-bashing weapon?

----------


## Kantaki

> Handbook of Heroes #634: "*Skeleton Ambush*"
> 
> Foolish Antipaladin! How can you hope to overcome Skelebro with a non-bashing weapon?


A sword totally is a bashing weapon though.
That's what the hilt is there for.  :Small Big Grin:

----------


## Gez

> A sword totally is a bashing weapon though.
> That's what the hilt is there for.


Or the flat side of the blade, since it's not a foil.

----------


## DRD1812

> A sword totally is a bashing weapon though.
> That's what the hilt is there for.


Nuh-uh! That's historically inaccurate! I challenge you to come up with a single instance of--

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mordhau_(weaponry)

...OK shut up.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #636: "*Smashing Success*"

She clearly chose "destroy target artifact" over "create a Treasure token."

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #638: "*Unhallowed Rites, Part 1: Invisible Friend*"

See the pretty girl in that mirror there?
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face
Such a pretty dress
Such a pretty smile
Such a pretty fiend!

----------


## Kantaki

Oh I'm sure the Demon Queen has only the best in mind for her (greatest) grandchildren.
Which is still quite unpleasant by everyone else's standards, cause... well, _Demon Queen_.

Looking at the linked comics, I'm guessing Rogue as a human tiefling (virgin*) sacrifice and Sorcerer either doing the sacrificing or another sacrifice.

Or Sorcerer has some big speech (vile magic ritual :Small Tongue: ) or important ceremony (demon summoning :Small Amused: ) coming up and she's genuinely trying to encourage (mindcontrol :Small Big Grin: ) him with a little pep talk (domination spell). Like every great grandma (ambitious arch-demoness :Small Big Grin: ).

*Has Demon Queen kept up with her granddaughter's relationship status?
She really should if she wants to keep up the connection/ use her in a ritual to unleash her fiendish legions upon the world.

----------


## DRD1812

> Looking at the linked comics, I'm guessing Rogue as a human tiefling (virgin*) sacrifice and Sorcerer either doing the sacrificing or another sacrifice.


So much plot is afoot!

It seems that last year on Devil's Night, a single pupper was not sufficient to breach the planar barriers. 

https://www.handbookofheroes.com/arc...c/devils-night

Makes one wonder what other nefarious rites are set to open the way to...

https://www.handbookofheroes.com/arc...onomical-event

...Armageddon.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #640: "*Unhallowed Rites, Part 3: Martial Responsibilities*"

I'll be honest: I would NOT have thought the evil ritual would require white robes.

----------


## Kantaki

It depends.
If you aren't going to reuse them put the people involved in white robes.
Dye is expensive and stains are a bigger challenge than whatever horrible summoned monster you will inevitably loose control over.

----------


## Cazero

The white robes are for the post-apocalyptic slumber party.
Obviously.

----------


## DRD1812

> It depends.
> If you aren't going to reuse them put the people involved in white robes.


But what if it's after fantasy labor day? Only the evilest of cults would commit such a travesty!

----------


## DRD1812

> The white robes are for the post-apocalyptic slumber party.
> Obviously.


OK. When we do a slumber party comic in another couple of weeks, I'm gonna want you to remember this moment.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #642: "*Unhallowed Rites, Part 5: For Love of Evil*"

Who knows what color Paladin's armor will be tomorrow?

----------


## Lord Torath

> Handbook of Heroes #642: "*Unhallowed Rites, Part 5: For Love of Evil*"
> 
> Who knows what color Paladin's armor will be tomorrow?


Your link is busted.  I think it's the backslash at the very beginning of the web address that's causing the problem. 

Necromancer appears to be no longer wearing her white dress.  Speculation as to what happened?

Edit:  Or she's just ducking her head out around a dark grey wall, and I failed my initial spot check.  Had to take 20.

----------


## DRD1812

> Your link is busted.  I think it's the backslash at the very beginning of the web address that's causing the problem. 
> 
> Necromancer appears to be no longer wearing her white dress.  Speculation as to what happened?
> 
> Edit:  Or she's just ducking her head out around a dark grey wall, and I failed my initial spot check.  Had to take 20.


Ah beans. :/

Link is fixed now. 

Will be interesting to see whether Necromancer is willing to change at all for Paladin. I just don't see how she could ever part with her zombabies.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #644: "*Unhallowed Rites, Part 7: Resigned*"

When the group thinks it would be "friggin hilarious" to sacrifice your animal companion, maybe it's time to pick up your dice and go home.

----------


## Keltest

Poor Antipaladin gets no respect. Has even even gotten to fight a bloody conquest through scores of his foes in the name of glory and power?

----------


## DRD1812

> Poor Antipaladin gets no respect. Has even even gotten to fight a bloody conquest through scores of his foes in the name of glory and power?


Is that what Antipaladins do? Asking for a friend. He's thinking about opening a dog walking service. Ya know... An evil dog walking service.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #646: "*Practice*"

I like big bucks and I cannot lie
You other rangers can't deny
That when a stag walks up with a ten point rack 
And it's your turn to attack
Your bow gets strung!

----------


## Keltest

> Is that what Antipaladins do? Asking for a friend. He's thinking about opening a dog walking service. Ya know... An evil dog walking service.


Hellhounds need exercise too man.

----------


## DRD1812

> Hellhounds need exercise too man.


No no no. That's a common mistake. They need to be _exorcised_.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #648: "*Intel*"

You should absolutely talk to Doublepatch Hookhanderson. He has a hundred amazing stories, including how he got that distinctive rose tattoo on his chest.

----------


## Kantaki

The blind dude recogniced that map (fragment) at a _glance_.
Might be worth the time listening to him.
Also might be worth the time having his eyes checked... :Small Tongue: 

I mean, since they're hanging out in a bar they clearly don't have anything to do.
And knowing what exactly they got there could make aquiring a new ship easier.
Meaning motivate them to finally steal one.
You are _pirates_. Act the part. :Small Annoyed:

----------


## DRD1812

> You are _pirates_. Act the part.


They are undoubtedly the worst pirates I've ever etc. etc.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #652: "*Homeowners Association of Leng*"

Lawn ornaments and eldritch abominations? Where's Old Man Henderson when you need him?

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #656: "*Uncommon Components*"

All dracoliches love belly rubs. Be gentle though. Their bones can be very brittle.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #658: "*My One Weakness!*"

Alternative theory: He's been getting "talking to girls lessons" from Summoner.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #660: "*Flim-Flam*"

Now if you'll excuse me, we need to get back to town and fung ourselves some luxury goods.

----------


## Gez

I'm pretty sure the NFT scam would not work on a myconid. They're fun guys, but they're very serious about fungibility.

----------


## DRD1812

> I'm pretty sure the NFT scam would not work on a myconid. They're fun guys, but they're very serious about fungibility.


Most of their best fung-abilities have to do with magical spores.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #662: "*God Shopping*"

A new year, a new crossover arc! Guest starring in today's comic is Angie the Paladin from "Dungeons & Doodles: Tales from the Tables."

----------


## Kantaki

The blue-ish angel one looks kinda amusued by the declaration, like she expected something like this.
Oh well, two out of three gods wanting to get back at you for quasi imagined slights is good enough isn't it? :Small Amused:

----------


## DRD1812

> The blue-ish angel one looks kinda amusued by the declaration, like she expected something like this.


I really ought to figure out a name for her and a place in the cosmology. But then I'd have to update the Cast Page, so that ain't happening anytime soon.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #664: "*Fate of the Fallen*"

One last good deed before our visiting heroine departs Handbook-World forever. I'm sure it's much appreciated. :3

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #666: "*Trojan Catgirl*"

Well that's nice. Handbook of Heroes #666 looks to be surprisingly whole...some...  O_O

----------


## Keltest

I for one see nothing wrong with the cat being evil.

----------


## Kantaki

I mean, and I ask this as someone who likes cats, is there really a significant difference?  :Small Tongue:

----------


## Gez

> I mean, and I ask this as someone who likes cats, is there really a significant difference?


The world would be a better place if evil napped for 16 hours per day and was easily distracted with a ball of yarn.

----------


## DRD1812

> The world would be a better place if evil napped for 16 hours per day and was easily distracted with a ball of yarn.


Well sure, but then Evil puts extra build points in allergenic aura and pissing in your shoes.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #668: "*Imposing*"

You might think that creature is a manticore, but judging by emotional state it's a #Mood Elemental.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #670: "*Cosplay Closet*"

I've never heard an illustrator giggle so hard at a credit card pun.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #672: "*Cosplay Closet*"

Looking at things gets harder with age. ಠ_ಠ

----------


## Keltest

Including the name of the comic you linked, apparently  :Small Tongue:

----------


## DRD1812

> Including the name of the comic you linked, apparently


With each passing year, I understand *Sgt. Murtaugh* a little better.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #674: "*Productive Procrastinator*"

I may be flunking out of school, losing my job, and getting my dog repossessed, but on the upside my character bio is amazing!

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #676: "*Favored Foe*"

It may be niche, but it combos nicely with Favored Terrain: Fancy Ballroom.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #678: "*Door Boss*"

My best "Door Boss" story was an Exalted group. Magitech door wouldnt open.

"OK. Im going to roll War on the door.

GM: How does War apply to this situation?

I make war on the door.

GM: I Umm Could you describe what you want to happen?

I want the door to open!

The door did not open.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #680: "*Talk the Talk*"

Giant floppy hats are the car keys of pirating. Boat won't even start unless you're wearing one.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #682: *"Interview Arc: Assassin"*

If his big plan is poisoning a barbarian, it's safe to assume he dumped his Wisdom.

----------


## Kantaki

I mean, the strategy isn't bad exactly, but the execution needs work.
You know, little things, like not dangling the antidote in the target's face or not being within reach of someone wh can rip you in half one-handed. :Small Amused:

----------


## DRD1812

> I mean, the strategy isn't bad exactly, but the execution needs work.
> You know, little things, like not dangling the antidote in the target's face or not being within reach of someone wh can rip you in half one-handed.


Dude is REALLY banking on winning initiative. This is the essential experience of playing an assassin.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #682: "*Interview Arc: Psychic*"

Oracle is an accomplished seer. Just not literally.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #686: "*Roll Hard*"

I prefer my Cleric in metal. Sure it's expensive, but you get more detail than the cheap plastics.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #688: *"Save vs Fear"*

When they say "save vs. fear," I hear "save vs. your buddies making pissed-your-pants jokes for the next half hour."

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #690:* "Carnival Session"*

We've all been there. Some of us have the cupie doll to prove it.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #692: "*Who Needs Heals?*"

Don't worry. Assassin's not dead. He's just pining.

----------


## Kantaki

Who needs heals, indeed.
No one obviously.
The only hitpoint that matters is that last one.
And once it's gone healing won't cut it.

On a second thought, maybe some healing magic _would_ be helpful.
Mr. Last Hitpoint needs his meatshields back.  :Small Big Grin:

----------


## DRD1812

> Who needs heals, indeed.
> No one obviously.
> The only hitpoint that matters is that last one.
> And once it's gone healing won't cut it.


I like your line spacing, but we need to work on that rhyme structure. Hmmm....

For the fattest heals, who has need? 
Neither I nor my party. And indeed
The hit point that matters the most is your last, 
And once it's gone healing won't save your ass.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #694: "*Realism*"

This is why you don't write your spells in Vis-à-Vis.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #696: "*Mr. Heal Plane*"

Hurry up and finish the fight, guys! Sesame Street needs their wall back.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #698: "*Solo Adventure*"

I assure you that Abercrombie the tumor familiar does NOT have the same voice as Venom.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #700: "*Fancy Feast*"

Like all cats, Her Majesty, Queen Scratchypaws of the Demon Web Pits is a picky eater.

----------


## Kantaki

Well, now I'm hungry.  :Small Amused:

----------


## DRD1812

> Well, now I'm hungry.


Bullplop, Gary! That is a decidedly evil act. One more of those and I'm shifting your alignment to Chaotic Evil.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOUksDJCijw&t=1245s

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #702: "*Quality of Life*"

Can you deal sneak attack damage to a bubble? Asking for my gal pal Glenda.

----------


## Kantaki

I'm of two minds here, honestly.

On the one hand, yeah, I'd definitely abuse the heck out of QoL spells like that too.
On the other hand, at least use a version that has space for your wife, Wizard.
Or, you know magic up her own bubble. Maybe for Cleric too.
Fighter can suffer though. It's probably his fault anyway they're wading through the mud.

----------


## DRD1812

> On the other hand, at least use a version that has space for your wife, Wizard.
> Or, you know magic up her own bubble.


Oh man... This would be a gnarly bit of RP. 

"Sure, I'll let you flavor up your own environmental protection bubble. It provides comfort, keeps your feet dry, and hedges out mosquitos. It's self-only though, and your wife is looking mutinous. So do you cast it? Well do ya, punk?"

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #704: "*Thats Not How the Force (of Gravity) Works!*"

To be fair, I'm pretty sure Wizard told him it would be safe.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #706: "*Where We Gamin'?*"

I'm pretty sure Fighter is hovering just off-screen, ready to shout disruptive lines about vans down by rivers.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #712: "*How Much is That Construct in the Window?*"

Don't pull on your tiefling's tail. It's bad for their health. Not as bad as lava, but still.

----------


## Kantaki

Fighter's inside the armor?  :Small Big Grin:  :Small Tongue:

----------


## DRD1812

> Fighter's inside the armor?


One can only hope. 

Actually, that'd be quite the trap / cursed item. The armor grapples you, makes you wear it, and then marches you into danger.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #714: "*Distributed Healing*"

He had to fight a white ninja to get that stick.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #716: "*Business Expenses*"

"Uh-huh. And what's with these expensive business lunches?"
"Skitters now requires a diet of only the freshest sashimi."
"We're on a per diem here!"

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #718: "*Great and Terrible Weapon*"

No group in the world could avoid metagaming if the plot was "giant icosahedron dropping from the heavens."

----------


## Keltest

I have a very firm rule of "no metal dice on the table" when I host the game. I dont care what character youre using, this table has been in this house for too long for it to go out like that.

----------


## DRD1812

> I have a very firm rule of "no metal dice on the table" when I host the game. I dont care what character youre using, this table has been in this house for too long for it to go out like that.


You seriously don't want to get PETA (People for Ethical Table Ablation) on your case.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #721: "Theater of the Mind"

Sometimes you've got to give your illustrator an easy week on the job.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #724: "*Self-Discovery*"

In which stunning personal revelations are revealed. (And also Necromancer was there.)

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #726: "*Epic Motivation*"

If anyone has name suggestions for the big blue goddess, I'm all ears. :D

----------


## Gez

> Handbook of Heroes #726: "*Epic Motivation*"
> 
> If anyone has name suggestions for the big blue goddess, I'm all ears. :D


Her deep blue color makes me think of the sea, so some nautical names that I think sound good... Tethys. Iroise. Iona.

----------


## DRD1812

> Her deep blue color makes me think of the sea, so some nautical names that I think sound good... Tethys. Iroise. Iona.


Onto the poll they go! Gonna be real interesting to see what the patrons go for. :D

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #728: "*Branding*"

Shiver me firbolgs! Is that an artificer pirate!?

----------


## Taevyr

> Handbook of Heroes #728: "*Branding*"
> 
> Shiver me firbolgs! Is that an artificer pirate!?


Captain Artifirbolg, gathering the skulls of anyone who makes that pun within earshot.

And they're big ears, lemme tell you.

----------


## DRD1812

> Captain Artifirbolg, gathering the skulls of anyone who makes that pun within earshot.
> 
> And they're big ears, lemme tell you.


Looking forward to putting her in the same combat with Van Helscion. 

"That's not a vampire! That's my helms-bot!"

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #730: "*Fandom Folly*"

So true story... First semester of my PhD we read a book chapter titled "Welcome to Bisexuality, Captain Kirk.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #732: "*Interpretation*"

It's like the Lacoste logo slipped off of Fighter's armor and started attacking him!

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #734: "*Big Stick*"

Yes. It is indeed powered by a PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #736: "*The Spooky Season*"

I was later informed that Van Helscion is _not_ hiding behind a curtain. Given the hover text, my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #740: "*Overkill*"

...And in this way the battle was won and the game of Golf invented at the same moment.

----------


## mucat

> I was later informed that Van Helscion is _not_ hiding behind a curtain. Given the hover text, my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined


Word of Laurel, I assume?  Does she maintain that Van Helscion is not behind a curtain, or that she is behind the curtain but doing something other than hiding?

----------


## Gez

> Word of Laurel, I assume?  Does she maintain that Van Helscion is not behind a curtain, or that she is behind the curtain but doing something other than hiding?


That was obviously meant to be a column, not a curtain; and she is indeed not hiding since she's talking to her dad.

----------


## Metastachydium

> That was obviously meant to be a column, not a curtain; and she is indeed not hiding since she's talking to her dad.


That was obviously meant to be a column; and she is indeed not hiding since she's talking; but that's not her father, just a priest who gets addressed as such on account of, well, being a priest.

----------


## DRD1812

> That was obviously meant to be a column; and she is indeed not hiding since she's talking; but that's not her father, just a priest who gets addressed as such on account of, well, being a priest.


It was a column. Easy mistake to make. 

Priest is indeed a priest. He is also named Priest. It's a vicious cycle.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #742: "*Origin Stories: Succubus*"

"Working in the mail room" is synonymous with "banished to the depths of The Pit."

----------


## Agi Hammerthief

> Handbook of Heroes #742: "*Origin Stories: Succubus*"
> 
> "Working in the mail room" is synonymous with "banished to the depths of The Pit."


obviously a succubus would rather work in the male room.

----------


## Lord Torath

> Priest is indeed a priest. He is also named Priest. It's a vicious cycle.


It's a problem that's found its way to the OotSverse, too!  See panel 12.  Names are powerful things, people!  Be mindful of that when bestowing them upon your offspring!   :Small Wink:

----------


## DRD1812

> obviously a succubus would rather work in the male room.


Zing! 

For real though, I always loved the "demonic corporation" from Ugly Americans. Kind of makes me wonder where the trope started. Screwtape Letters maybe?

----------


## DRD1812

> It's a problem that's found its way to the OotSverse, too!  See panel 12.  Names are powerful things, people!  Be mindful of that when bestowing them upon your offspring!


Hospital delivery rooms really ought to come equipped with name generators. It's hard to think of that mess on the spur of the moment!

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #744: "*Evil Abides*"

Q: What do you call BBEG when he goes out in the snow?
A: Numb-skull.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #746: "*Danger & Doggos*"

My theory is that Patches has the same voice as Pinfold from Danger Mouse. I'm willing to entertain other suggestions though.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #750: "*Change of Plans*"

Playing D&D is like planning a heist with the dog from "Up." 

"OK guys, we need to get that vault open before-- SQUIRREL!"

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #752: "*The Sacrifice Play*"

As a public service announcement, I feel compelled to point out that most dogs do not contain portals.

----------


## Kantaki

Poor doggy... :Small Frown: 

Worse, from a "stopping the villain" point of view this was either pointless or worse actively counterproductive.
(The best kind of sacrifice is a self-sacrifice. By one of the good guys. :Small Amused: )

----------


## The Glyphstone

I think the intent is that Patches did sacrifice himself. Antipaladin looks way too upset to have used Patches as a shield willingly.

----------


## Kantaki

> I think the intent is that Patches did sacrifice himself. Antipaladin looks way too upset to have used Patches as a shield willingly.


That _was_ my assumption.
Believe me, my reaction would've been very different otherwise.

----------


## DRD1812

> That _was_ my assumption.
> Believe me, my reaction would've been very different otherwise.


To be fair to Antipaladin, it's tough for a PC to behave differently when chained to a rock. Not a lot to do in that position to keep an NPC from diving in front of an oncoming ceremonial dagger.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #754: "*Face Turn*"

So like... what do you think his theme music sounds like?

----------


## Kantaki

> To be fair to Antipaladin, it's tough for a PC to behave differently when chained to a rock. Not a lot to do in that position to keep an NPC from diving in front of an oncoming ceremonial dagger.


Well, yeah. Not blaming him.
Or Patches for that matter.

Still kinda funny how this act of sacrifice wasn't exactly helpful.
"Lucky" that the ritual didn't call for a specific sacrifice.
Or maybe it did? :Small Amused: 

Not that stopping these rituals ever works.
Best case the baddy gets nommed first.

New comic

Yeah, about that Demon Queen...
Sometimes all good little (anti-)paladins need to fall to the other side is a little push.
What you provided was a little bit more than that. :Small Amused: 

Kindly don't damage Magus body too badly when vacating the premises. :Small Big Grin:

----------


## Guancyto

> Handbook of Heroes #754: "*Face Turn*"
> 
> So like... what do you think his theme music sounds like?


Hard to go wrong with the classics...

----------


## DRD1812

> Hard to go wrong with the classics...


Ha! It's been too many years. I tried to watch the whole thing once upon a time. Gave up after one too many filler arcs around the time he gets that hollow mask. Still love the song though.

----------


## DRD1812

> Yeah, about that Demon Queen...
> Sometimes all good little (anti-)paladins need to fall to the other side is a little push.
> What you provided was a little bit more than that.


I still maintain that Rey should have fallen at the end of the second movie, setting up Finn to rescue her from herself. Poor dude deserved a proper arc.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #756: "*The Old Switcheroo*"

She's a half vampire half werewolf half smirk!

----------


## mucat

> Handbook of Heroes #756: "*The Old Switcheroo*"
> 
> She's a half vampire half werewolf half smirk!


I love the way Her Majesty, Queen Scratchypaws of the Demon Web Pits is standing back there with a big cheesy grin on her face, waving.  I mean, gloating over the impending failure of Bad Cat's plans is fair enough, but how does Magus expect to get her own body back in this flurry of double-crosses, and what lies did BBEG and Miss Gestalt spin to win such enthusiasm from her?

----------


## DRD1812

> What lies did BBEG and Miss Gestalt spin to win such enthusiasm from her?


I think she's just happy to see her old body again.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #758: "*Evil Will Rise*"

And then BBEG was all like, "You were never a match for me, Evil-Lyn! I mean... Demon Queen!"

----------


## Keltest

Does this make them Demon King and Big Bad Evil Gal?

----------


## DRD1812

> Does this make them Demon King and Big Bad Evil Gal?


Naming conventions in Handbook-World are bit like time in the Whoniverse: wibbly wobbly timey wimey etc. etc.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #760: "*The Dark Knight*"

So like... Are his eyes always like that now? I thought it was just during Smite Evil. Or is he in a constant state of smite? That mess sounds exhausting.

----------


## tyckspoon

> Handbook of Heroes #760: "*The Dark Knight*"
> 
> So like... Are his eyes always like that now? I thought it was just during Smite Evil. Or is he in a constant state of smite? That mess sounds exhausting.


The hair and eyes seem to be part of his heel-face palette swap, yeah. Maybe he'll get visible pupils again when (or if) he calms down from being INTENSE and BROODING and VENGEANCEY.

----------


## Kantaki

Sorry, I'm with Inquisitor here.
The only one who should do the Batman voice is Batman.
And even then only very sparingly. :Small Amused:

----------


## Forum Explorer

Oh, Vengeance as in Paladin of Vengeance from 5E! That took an embarrassingly long time for me to realize. Like, I even thought to myself on the Smite Evil page that he had become a Paladin of Vengeance and still somehow missed that connection.

----------


## DRD1812

> Sorry, I'm with Inquisitor here.
> The only one who should do the Batman voice is Batman.
> And even then only very sparingly.


I tried it for a one-shot once upon a time. 

Immediately: "Do you smoke or something?" 

Me, improvising: "Yes, I do." 

Then I described my dude pulling out the ludicrous pipe from Inglorious Basterds.

----------


## DRD1812

> Oh, Vengeance as in Paladin of Vengeance from 5E!


You can tell on account of the gold bits that mysteriously appeared on his armor. :D

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #762: "*Let It Go*"

Tempting adventurers to their doom is a leucrotta-ive business.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #764: "*After-Yule Sale*"

Though somewhat safer than Blackest Friday, the After-Yule Sale in Handbook-World is by no means an at-APL encounter.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #766: "*Self-Confidence*"

On the off chance you're a basket case like me: Your game is good enough and so are you.

----------


## DRD1812

Handbook of Heroes #768: "*Diseases*"

Wait a minute... is street samurai even a class in Starfinder?

----------


## tyckspoon

> Handbook of Heroes #768: "*Diseases*"
> 
> Wait a minute... is street samurai even a class in Starfinder?


It's definitely not a class in Pathfinder. Hasn't stopped her.

----------


## Victor1992

If one horse devours another, do they both win if they cross the finish line first?

----------

