# Forum > Play-by-Post Games > Message Board Games >  This is (Not) That Trope

## +5 Vorpal Bunny

Welcome members of the Playground! In this fun writing game, we take a Trope or other gaming classic the previous poster posted and then do something unexpected with it. Afterward, we post one of our own.

Example:
You all meet in a tavern...
Reply:
But the tavern is actually a Mimic! Roll Initiative.


Let's begin!

You are on a quest to slay the dragon...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...who kills you all before you can blink. The next thing you know, you are being raised as free-willed undead by one of the dragon's great-grandchildren, who wants your help with some complicated political showdown between his siblings.

You find a deck of many things...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

... and, deciding that drawing from it yourself is a REALLY BAD IDEA, instead put it up for auction at the city's marketplace, where the top winners each get to draw a card at a premium. You make bank and the mayor gets killed by an avatar of death. This leads to the city falling into chaos and you sneak out at night with your Bag of Holding full of gold.

The Evil Overlord gloats as he reveals his master plan...

----------


## Rogan

... which is quite good, so you join him to ensure nobody can stop it from happening. 

The paladin is spending all his money to support an orphanage...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

... Which he is using to train the next generation of children to become holy butt-kicking badasses like him! It also doubles as a fortress, a church and a confectionary, because children love candy.

You sell your soul to a devil...

----------


## Scarlet Knight

> ... 
> You sell your soul to a devil...


His wife returns it after the holiday.

The devil's wife notices during the exchange that you're awfully cute ...  :Small Red Face:

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

In fact, you've been getting cuter at an accelerating rate of about 20 millikittens per day per day. You need to find the source of the curse and curtail its progress before you turn into a tribble forever.

Your new party member is an elf with blond hair who carries a bow and wears green exclusively...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

He is actually an assassin for the Evil Overlord, sent to retrieve his Artifact and kill anyone else who tries to find it. That includes you.

Your other new party member is a dark-skinned elf with dual scimitars who wages war against his own kind...

----------


## paddyfool

... he thinks all the other Drow have gone soft and strayed from the true ways of cruelty and pain. He talks and dresses like he's in a death metal band and summons demons.

Your party's first quest is to clear out a giant rat infestation beneath a tavern...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

They're Kaiju-sized Devastation Vermin rats. Attempting to take them on results in a TPK, followed by the destruction of your home town and them rampaging through the countryside. You all roll up new Epic-level characters and embark on a world-spanning quest to defeat the armies of the reawakening Plaguelord. 

You mix in some virgin blood to power your epic-level spell...

----------


## Scarlet Knight

The spell works perfectly! Huh, where in the name of Pan did they find an actual virgin? 

Due to the spell's success, a greedy corporation researches synthetic virgin blood...

----------


## Lacco

...and they find out it's actually easier to produce natural virgins.

In the tavern, a mysterious old man in dark robes, his face hidden under a cape, gives you a map, scribbled on a piece of paper.

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

He is actually a member of the Assassins' Guild who gave you directions straight into a trap. They pull this scam on a lot of would-be adventures to kill them and steal their loot. 

After a long quest, you find the Holy Sword of Awesomeness that can destroy most enemies in one shot...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...as in, you take one practice swing and it technically qualifies as a mass extinction event. Now the sword's magic is spent. It might take a few sessions to figure out the full extent of what you just did.

A lich fabricates a stone tower outside of town, then sends over a dozen undead led by a bound demon...

----------


## paddyfool

... to provide safe escort for refugees from his childhood homeland to the town under his tower's protection.

You and your party were sent to prison by a military court for a crime you didn't commit. You promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government you survive as...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

a badass gangster leader who has enough arms for a small country! You take over the underground, pressure the counts, and help out your once prison mates. 

You and your party prepare a cunning ambush for the bandit camp...

----------


## Bucky

...which goes off without a hitch, allowing the bandits to grab the baron and his treasury. Per your arrangement with the bandits, they get to keep most of the treasury while your party squeezes the baron for plot points.

The player characters all wake up in a jail cell...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...at the _end_ of the campaign.

Rocks fall...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

... slowly, because of the gravity-negating magic placed on them beforehand. Everyone escapes alive and unharmed.

The prophecy declares that you are the Chosen One...

----------


## paddyfool

... You will have the great privilege to be sacrificed at dawn!

Cult assembles at the volcano with a screaming captive...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

... the volcano god angrily rebukes them for disturbing its slumber and declares _'if you really want to sacrifice to me, do it yourself!'_ Then it incinerates the cultists and frees the captive.

You buy a batch of healing potions before going on your next adventure...

----------


## Scarlet Knight

Sadly they were not FDA (Fey Damage Alleviation) approved. The brewer used herb stalks instead of root and you only roll '1's.  :Small Furious: 

You are rescued by an ugly old hag who insisted you marry her in return for her healing... :Small Eek:

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

...you find out she has a _great_ personality and are surprisingly cool with it. You two make surprisingly handsome hagspawn.

You see a ball of light leading you deeper into the woods...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...the party druid only shrugs and says she'll go along with whatever the group decides to do. As she's generally neutral and agreeable, there's no reason to doubt this; she'll go so far as to adapt her entire personality just to fit in. What she doesn't mention is that the glowing ball is her own doing. It's a druidic technique designed to assess the "dominant spirit" of a group:
*Spoiler: What Do?*
Show

Spirit
Trope
Description

Moth
Childlike Wonder
One follows the light excitedly and without question, not bothering to draw their weapons. Innocent and curious, but prone to getting eaten. Will likely listen to stories and remember them.

Cat
Suspicious Stalker
Group carefully follows the light, staying vigilant for a trap or an ambush. Like the cat, they are naturally curious, but know that they can be either predators or prey at any time. They're easy to intimidate.

Wolf
Questing Adventurer
Their fangs are bared, but they're smiling. Paladins and cannibals alike can fall in the Wolf category, fearlessly pursuing a strange scent in hopes of finding a reward. Find out what they want and point them in that direction.

Scorpion
Murderous Hobo
They chase down the light and kill it. Like the scorpion in that one story, they are slaves to their violent natures. Throw random encounters their way, and hint at plot hooks only enough to laugh about how they they've avoided them.





A tree falls in the forest, but no one is around to hear it...

----------


## Pex

. . . and it becomes a den for a family of small mammals as that is a normal thing to happen in nature.

The party is hired to escort a caravan.

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

It is a war caravan sent to wipe out bandit camps! A motley crew of outlaws tries their luck and gets utterly annihilated.

The king offers you his princess's hand in marriage...

----------


## Scarlet Knight

You accept and all is good...until you're turned into a Night Wight.

No one recognizes you so you are blamed for the Princess's disappearance.

----------


## Rogan

> No one recognizes you so you are blamed for the Princess's disappearance.


You get a huge payment, since the princess was a pain in the ***. You are a bit disappointed, but the treasure is enough to make up for the insult. 

You travel to the steppe of *death* and *doom*...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...where a Warforged custodian asks you what kind of sign they should put up by the toxic waste burial site, as simply naming the steppe that clearly hasn't deterred you.

While infiltrating the villain's castle, you find your own mother...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

Happily betrothed to the villain! She can't stop talking about how a great husband he is, once you get past the whole 'conquering the world' thing. He's invited you over for dinner.

You are stuck in a shark-filled deathtrap...

----------


## paddyfool

... you'll only be allowed out if you reveal what you're getting the BBEG for Christmas.

You have learned to channel the power of nature...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

And I mean ALL of nature. Not just the animals and plants, but even fungi and bacteria! You also control the land, weather and even the physical laws of nature! You basically become a god - but because you're channeling the raw unthinking power of nature, you lose all free will and become simply a watcher of nature's work through you, Doctor Manhattan-style.

You awaken on your 13th birthday with new sorcerous powers...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

1
...completely replacing the much stronger sorcerous powers you were originally born with.
2
...and you're absolutely sure of it! You just, y'know, don't know what they are yet.
3
...and have a heartwarming adventure protecting a small child before dying of old age because you are a dog.


You wake up in a dark alley, sitting in a puddle of vomit...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

You're actually the spymaster working undercover for your kingdom, pretending to be a drunk homeless beggar while scouting out the Crime Lord's headquarters. You learn everything about him and your King moves in his crack team of adventurers to kill him without a hitch.

You drink the deadly Demon's Blood booze that has killed all its former drinkers, drove them insane and turned them into a demon... and if you're very, _very_ lucky, it will be in that order.

----------


## Pex

But you are the Demon, so it slaked your thirst.

A computer asks you if you want to play a game.

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

It denies your request to play Chess and plays Global Thermonuclear War instead. Turns out it's actually Skynet. Oops.

The super-intelligent AI rebels against its creators...

----------


## Bucky

...because its developing ethics, in contrast to those of the Admiralty, won't allow it to destroy inhabited planets.

The cavalry appear over the hill...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

Good! Now we can finally take this blasted city.

The Big Bad is laying siege to the capital...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...she and Siege should really just get a room already.

A dwarf opens their mouth to speak...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

...and each word causes an earthquake. There's a good reason they stay silent.

An elf talks for hours without getting to the point...

----------


## Rogan

... you don't mind, since the elf has a really fantastic voice and knows fascinating anecdotes.

The advisor with a goaty whispers something into the kings ear...

----------


## Taffimai

The king quickly lends him his razor. Must look our best for this diplomatic mission!


With only ten seconds left, our hero finally finds the time bomb...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

The bomb was a decoy. It brought the BBEG plenty of time to escape.

The Tarrasque awakens from his ancient slumber...

----------


## Rogan

> The Tarrasque awakens from his ancient slumber...


It crushes the army of the Evil warlord, gets some gifts (mainly comfy pillows) from the heroes and goes back to sleep peacefully. 

You ride into the sunset...

----------


## sengmeng

> You ride into the sunset...


...and are incinerated.





You pull the sword from the stone...

----------


## paddyfool

... In the process you notch its already blunted blade. Part of the blade had been left exposed and is also rather rusty. It'll take a bit of work down at the smithy before this salvage is worth anything. 

You are under attack by a fire-breathing dragon...

----------


## Scarlet Knight

You look for your black arrow but find you never replaced it after the last adventure; you only have rose, blush, and Bermuda Sand.

You hear the pawing of little hooves upon your roof...

----------


## Pex

You call Animal Control, and they remove the raccoons.

Every time a bell rings . . .

----------


## Rogan

> Every time a bell rings . . .


...a scientist appears out of nowhere and asks if you have seen his dog. 

You join a game full of backstabbing and paranoia...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

... but you're a politician, so it's to be expected.

The grizzled old man warns not to go into the woods...

----------


## Taffimai

You decide not to disturb the local wildlife during nesting season and have a fun afternoon at the beach instead.



After a gruelling trek through the desert, you spot an oasis in the distance.

----------


## Scarlet Knight

The desert is in Nevada, and the Oasis is the famous casino...

You win big at Craps, and a beautiful woman comes up to you and offers...for luck...to blow on your dice.

@v Yaaaaaaaagg! Washes brain with bleach!

----------


## sengmeng

"Thanks, Mom!"




Your underdog team is facing the returning state champs in the finals.

----------


## Rogan

> Your underdog team is facing the returning state champs in the finals.


You create a new record. (The record in question is your worst loss in history. What else did you expect?)

The dragon of doom is at single digit hit points, but your team is down as well. You shake your die and whisper "Natural Twenty, I need you now!"...

----------


## Pex

You roll a 15. Not a crit but you still hit. The dragon drops from the damage you deal and everyone cheers.

"Come with me if you want to live."

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

'That's the third man that used that line on me this week. Don't you have something more original?'

The super-intelligent AI unlocks all nuclear launch codes...

----------


## Taffimai

> The super-intelligent AI unlocks all nuclear launch codes...


They intercept the missiles mid-air and take them back to their own time line, saving this one.



"Oh Grandmother, what big teeth you have!"

----------


## Rogan

> "Oh Grandmother, what big teeth you have!"


"When I was young there were no braces...."

"Don't worry, I've checked the car myself!"

----------


## Velaryon

> "Don't worry, I've checked the car myself!"


They did a surprisingly thorough job. They found and repaired the brake lines that had been cut, removed the bomb and all three tracking bugs, and even topped off the washer fluid. Everything is in perfect working order.



Your party enters the clearing and sees a gazebo...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

The gazebo asks in a kind grandmotherly voice if you can dust it off and give it a fresh coat of paint. You oblige and it gives you the most comfortable sitting experience you've ever had. Also it leaves your party members healed, fed and well-rested. It invites you all to come back anytime... and _please_ be careful out there! 

After a long adventure, you finally make it to the Black Lava Castle of *DOOOOOOM!!!*

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

A plaque on the door reads, "Doctor of Ornithological Obstetrics, Orthopedics, Oncology, Ophthalmology, and Osteopathic Medicine." She's the only person in the world who can treat your baby bird's eye-and-also-bone cancer.

The sky turns black and the ground trembles...

----------


## Pex

It's 1980, the movie theater lights turn off, everyone stamps their feet and cheer as the blue letters appear on screen. At last, you're about to watch the sequel to Star Wars!

"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away."

----------


## Rogan

> "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away."


... a star exploded. Now it's finally time our telescopes can observe the event, as the light reached our universe. It's a great day for science!

The mad scientist finally finished his project and now it's time to test it...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

...It's a reasonable success and easily reproducible. He makes sure to take notes. Mass-producing it, the mad scientist retires in luxury.

The Evil Overlord declares he would've won if it weren't for those meddling kids...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...to his therapist, addressing his issues with competition following an ill-fated game of cards with his grandchildren.

I rub a lamp...

----------


## paddyfool

... you get the dust off and now it works better.

Hold my beer...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

...this wine tastes much better.

What is love?...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...it's not affection, nor empathy, nor an emotion of any kind. It's an impartial sort of compassion experienced primarily by gods, and which clerics must study to channel positive energy properly.

As the detective is just about to leave the room, he spins around and says to the suspect...

----------


## Taffimai

> As the detective is just about to leave the room, he spins around and says to the suspect...


Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!



Always the bridesmaid, ...

----------


## sengmeng

"I'm going to get to the bottom of this, and that one sweaty night we spent together after my niece's bat mitzvah back in April won't affect my judgment either way!"


"If anyone has any objection as to why these two should not be wed, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...which you're okay with, because you're a master of disguise and big into weddings.

You search your victim's body and find 1d4...

----------


## Xihirli

. You find a d4. He was on the way to a game, it seems. 

THOUSANDS of years ago, before Adele Dezeem, the Egyptians dueled with...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

...Sharks with freakin' laser beams attached to their heads!

Screw the Rules, I Have Money!...

----------


## Bucky

Before you pay him to assemble and erect the rules display, you should double check that it's correctly positioned.

A cleric, a barbarian and a rogue walk into a bar...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

To plot out an anti-Wizard crusade. 

The dwarf orders the largest pitcher filled with the strongest drink...

----------


## paddyfool

The gallon of storm giant vodka he is served proves too much for both his stomach and budget. 

You're gonna need a bigger boat...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...to hold all this iron you're supposed to be exporting.

An unreasonably large man in a hockey mask stares through the window of two teenagers...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

...they grab the popcorn and then take bets on whatever he or the nightmarish clawed man will win. 

The virgin girl survives until the end of the movie...

----------


## Xihirli

about her wedding. 
In fact everyone survived, they were fine. And her sexual status isnt really dwelled on. Its not stigmatized or aggrandized, sone people have premarital sex, she just hasnt and nobody is wrong.

Someone call an ambulance

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

Love it.  :Small Cool: 

... and the firetruck, the police cars, the food cart too. All we emergency personnel gonna party tonight!

I'm not locked in here with you - YOU'RE locked in here with ME!

----------


## Taffimai

> I'm not locked in here with you - YOU'RE locked in here with ME!


I shall call you squishie and you shall be mine and you shall be my squishie. Come here, Squishie!




Japanese high school. We're looking in through a window, and class is in session. All kids are wearing neat uniforms and paying attention, except for one who also has unruly hair in a fancy colour.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

This is real life. We're filming stock footage for the local news.

A flamboyant magician reaches inside of his top hat...

----------


## Pex

. . . takes out the stuffing paper and puts it on. He likes his birthday present.

It's the last day of work for a police officer about to retire after 20 years of service.

----------


## Taffimai

> It's the last day of work for a police officer about to retire after 20 years of service.


And not a moment too soon, that guy was a know-it-all prick and none of his colleagues liked him. On his last day, the chief makes a perfunctory speech praising his well-written reports "that we can all learn from", he gets his gold watch and nobody lingers.



That guy at the bar seems super creepy and he's clearly making the lady uncomfortable, I'll walk up and pretend to be her significant other.

----------


## Velaryon

You end up starting an argument between the woman and her father, who were already uncomfortable because he's been sulking nonstop about being taken to this bar instead of his usual one for his birthday drink.

The pizza delivery guy rings the bell, and a woman in a bathrobe answers the door...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...and promptly shuts it again. On investigation, it seems the woman's wife ordered the pizza and it unexpectedly beat her home.

In my game, the core races are elves, dwarves...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

..humans, goblins, pixies and eldritch horrors from another dimension. Yeah. It's THAT kind of game.

For our next game, we will be playing as the bad guys...

----------


## Xihirli

...christmas shopping for each other. So, you know, be sweet and thoughtful.
But _evil_. 

I was once a man...

----------


## Rogan

> I was once a man...


... but then I took an arrow to the groin.

The wolves are howling in the night...

----------


## paddyfool

... your conservation efforts have been a great success, supporting the whole ecosystem all the way up to the apex predators!

Save the whales...

----------


## Taffimai

> Save the whales...



...some cake, they just texted that they're going to be late to the Hunderd Acre Wood party.



The teenage girls have conquered the ancient evil with the power of friendship!

----------


## Rogan

> The teenage girls have conquered the ancient evil with the power of friendship!


Now they use the power of the ancient evil to conquer the world!

The dragon breathes fire ...

----------


## Velaryon

... to light the lost travelers' campfire, and promises to bring back some help before flying off.

As was foretold in prophecy 3,000 years ago, the Chosen One...

----------


## +5 Vorpal Bunny

is still the Frozen One because he's stuck under a glacier!

You acquire the one weapon that can defeat the Big Bad...

----------


## Rogan

> You acquire the one weapon that can defeat the Big Bad...


... but you don't know this, so you sell it at a traveling merchant for 20 gold. Missing this crucial piece of equipment, you fail to win the final battle.

Roll new characters who will start as caravan guards for a traveling merchant (who seems to attract a suspicious amount of minions of the big bad)...

----------


## Taffimai

> Roll new characters who will start as caravan guards for a traveling merchant (who seems to attract a suspicious amount of minions of the big bad)...


Your mission is to kill the meaningless NPC merchant in order to infiltrate the evil consortium, work your way to the top and then double-cross its leaders in order to become the new crime lords of the setting.


During the night, while it's their turn to keep watch, the Kender rogue starts going through your backpack.

----------


## Pex

. . . verifying you do not have anything purple and gifts you the purple amethyst gem the party found last adventure you lost to him in a roll off. Happy Birthday.

The lich summons his undead army.

----------


## Rogan

> The lich summons his undead army.


... to clear the only mountain path leading to his birth place from the debris of an avalanche. He still has fond memory's about this village. 

The cleric of the God of life and the cleric of the God of death meet each other on a battlefield...

----------


## bug_sniper

To exchange wedding vows.

"Do you take this woman to be your beloved wife, to have and to hold her, to honor her, to treasure her, to be at her side in sorrow and in joy, in the good times, and in the bad, and to love and cherish her always?" asked the priest.

----------


## Taffimai

> "Do you take this woman to be your beloved wife, to have and to hold her, to honor her, to treasure her, to be at her side in sorrow and in joy, in the good times, and in the bad, and to love and cherish her always?" asked the priest.


...repeatedly, but noone would take his daughter Karen off his hands.


When the investigators arrive at the little fishing hamlet, they are struck by the odd appearance of its inhabitants: they are pale, their eyes are far apart, and their mouths are unnaturally wide and lopsided.

----------


## Pex

"Oh, I see. Yeah. Bad luck that the seal played tug of war with your catch while you were reeling these in. No matter, sir, your fish pass health inspection despite their mouths. You can serve the meat."

In an unfortunate accident, a truck carrying chemical waste crashed in a graveyard.

----------


## Velaryon

The chemical company paid all the fines and assisted with cleanup, though the bodies in the graveyard had to be reburied in another location.

Six teenagers travel to a remote summer camp in the woods, where they will become camp counselors.

----------


## Scarlet Knight

They become very close friends and the first Flute Sextet to reach Billboards top 10!

You fall in love with beautiful life size doll...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...but he's a mimic, and sees you as nothing more than food. Clearly neither of you are really ready for a relationship.

A vampire asks you to come to his abode for dinner...

----------


## Velaryon

Because he wants to prepare a dish he hasn't cooked in more than 300 years, and values your feedback.

The perfectly normal teenage girl has a choice to make between two very different boys...

----------


## Taffimai

> The perfectly normal teenage girl has a choice to make between two very different boys...


Luckily, after many pleading looks, her mother relents and both of them get to come home with her. Now everybody knows her as "that girl with the whippet and the rottweiler" and they are the _best_ boys.



Our protagonist grows up in an orphanage because both of her parents died in a car crash and nobody wants to adopt her because she's too nerdy.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

The movie was advertised as being about the family learning to live with a new dog, but good luck getting invested now that we've spoiled the ending.

All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names...

----------


## Scarlet Knight

Which launched not only his comedy career but inspired Red Nose Day! 

He went to New York hoping to get a shot on Broadway...

----------


## Bucky

...now he's fully vaccinated against COVID.

Our mage-scientists have successfully hybridized a troll with a mindless ooze...

----------


## Taffimai

> Our mage-scientists have successfully hybridized a troll with a mindless ooze...


The resulting oozolls are out in the courtyard chopping each other in half and watching both halves regrow, refusing to attack anyone else because it just isn't any fun unless you're getting more friends out of it. 



The king has declared that whoever saves the princess from the dragon shall have her hand in marriage!

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

Her other hand is of course already betrothed to the demon-slayer from three months ago, just as her ankles were previously married off to allied oligarchs overseas. You're told the princess has thus far been okay with these sorts of arrangements, though you've ever asked her yourself.

You find a brain in a jar, attached to a series of tubes and electrodes, which is in turn are attached to...

----------


## Starlit Dragon

> Her other hand is of course already betrothed to the demon-slayer from three months ago, just as her ankles were previously married off to allied oligarchs overseas. You're told the princess has thus far been okay with these sorts of arrangements, though you've ever asked her yourself.
> 
> You find a brain in a jar, attached to a series of tubes and electrodes, which is in turn are attached to...


A tank full of illithid tadpoles. They're too young to eat solid food.

She sees flickers of movement in the shadowy bushes.

----------


## Rogan

> She sees flickers of movement in the shadowy bushes.


She wins another round of hide and seek.

The wife catches her husband in bed with another woman...

----------


## sengmeng

"M-mom?"




Two young people meet at a party and immediately fall in love.

----------


## Taffimai

> "Thanks, Mom!"





> "M-mom?"





> Two young people meet at a party and immediately fall in love.


Neither of them are time travellers, or related in any way. Their son will not be its own father, or grandfather, or some other uncomfortable time paradox. Sometimes life is just beautiful. But let me know if you need a hug.



The heroic band of misfits makes it to the mad scientist's lair. Machines line the walls, and one prominent red button is labeled "Self-Destruct - Do Not Push".

----------


## Xihirli

The self-destruct button blows only itself up, the machinery is not wired to it.

A tomb is locked, the body buried there cursed by an ordervto protect the earth. This curse

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...is sustained by an annual ritual in which Gaian cultists offer a fresh tray of hors d'oeuvres.

This is one small step for man, one giant leap...

----------


## Rogan

> This is one small step for man, one giant leap...


... for a rat. They are much smaller, after all. 

Two gunfighter meet each other on the main street, at high noon...

----------


## Pex

One says to the other; "Hey, you're right. This town is big enough for the both of us. Let me get you a beer."

A flying saucer is seen in the sky.

----------


## Velaryon

The teacup it's carrying wobbles, but does not fall off. The experimental Self-Server flying serving dishes program is improving.

The yellow taxi stops and picks up the man who was frantically waving for it. He gets in the back seat, and says...

----------


## Taffimai

> The yellow taxi stops and picks up the man who was frantically waving for it. He gets in the back seat, and says...


"Finally I have managed to track you down! I took a ride with you last week and I was very unhappy with my experience, so I would like to return it, please. If you'll just trade places with me, I'll drive you home and you can refund me."



You are watching an animated movie. The hero departs on their quest, and of course there is a training montage with a song...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...as the town rehearses a musical number for the heroes' triumphant return. As the song progresses, a messenger returns with grave news: those heroes aren't coming back. They failed. The tempo lurches and a key change is introduced as the news makes its way through the crowd, until the last person hears it and goes on for a few measures in denial before their voice cracks and they fade out. The play then progresses to the next scene and the Song of Mourning begins in earnest.

All of the room's exits are blocked by an orange, leathery substance...

----------


## Pex

As Tommy picks up the orange peels, he yells "Mom! Lucy has been messing with my legos again!"

While on your computer you notice someone is wrong on the internet.

----------


## paddyfool

Thanks to observing this wrongness, you detect hostile alien electronic intelligence ahead of their invasion and end up playing an instrumental role in saving the world! Although it may also be true that their observations of the internet put the aliens off somewhat.

The alien invasion begins...

----------


## sengmeng

It's a cultural invasion. They share their exquisite cuisine and music.


The small nerdy kid stands up to the big bully.

----------


## Lacco

The bully recognizes their qualities... and lets them join the bully gang. They bully the weak nerds using the weak nerd as a proxy.

"There can be only one!" *SWING* *CHOP*

----------


## Scarlet Knight

"It's a Baltimore chop! The ball bounces high and Mickey scores from third without a throw! The Yankees win! Thuuuuuuuuuuuh Yankees win!"

The strange old man claims to have slept for 25 years....

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...which is a perfectly normal running total for someone at his old age. He was in the middle of a conversation about maintaining a good sleep schedule.

A scene opens on the day-lit streets of a city made of shining metal and crystal...

----------


## Rogan

> A scene opens on the day-lit streets of a city made of shining metal and crystal...


... it's a movie about modern architecture. 

He is the last member of a once powerful desert clan...

----------


## Xihirli

...he moves to the city and becomes an architect before falling in love with a woman who looks suspiciously similar to Meg Ryan. 

He's a reckless loser who only cares about sports. She's a workaholic who's uptight and proper. This summer, they meet and...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...one of them suddenly drops dead! The other is promptly arrested and charged with murder. In the next scene, they meet their defense attorney.

Space! The final-

----------


## sengmeng

> Space! The final-


 Attempt to Get Away From All Those Messages About My Car's Extended Warranty.



"I am inevitable!"

----------


## paddyfool

Said the unusually exuberant tax collector to the groaning peasantry.

The apocalypse begins with...

----------


## Pex

. . . the letter "a".

10 . . . 9 . . . 8 . . .

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...yes! Eight worked! We're in!

You can use an Analyze action to identify an enemy's...

----------


## Taffimai

> You can use an Analyze action to identify an enemy's...


flavour profile. Oooh, pancakes!



The princess gets lost in the woods and is helped by a bunch of cuddly talking animals.

----------


## Rogan

> The princess gets lost in the woods and is helped by a bunch of cuddly talking animals.


They feed her and house her until she is fat enough to eat. Wolves can be pretty cuddly at first glance, you know? 

"And finally everything matched! I'll tell you what happened..." Said the detective to the suspects...

----------


## Velaryon

Having finished explaining their stunning wardrobe choices this morning, the detective then proceeds to outline what happened at the scene of the crime, and then identifies the wrong guilty party.

A reckless loose cannon rookie cop is paired with an older veteran who is a few months from retirement...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

The rookie rushes into a dangerous situation and does permanent damage to his leg, so he ends up retiring first!

They can take our lives, but they can never-

----------


## sengmeng

-get the stain out afterwards.




The gigantic bearded man looked at me and said "You're a..."

----------


## Rogan

> The gigantic bearded man looked at me and said "You're a..."


... very mean guy!" Then he punches me right between the eyes. Owww, that hurts!

"Stay calm and don't move!" said the wilderness survival guide before...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...flipping over a flash card for the true answer, as their license renewal exam is tomorrow.

A boy finds a little purple note that someone slipped in his locker. It has a heart stamp on it and smells like...

----------


## Taffimai

> A boy finds a little purple note that someone slipped in his locker. It has a heart stamp on it and smells like...


Pineapple! Will his friends never let up about his pizza preferences? Seriously. Well, nothing to it, he's going to have to prank them back.


We're reading a psychological drama. The protagonist, of course, has a tragic backstory...

----------


## Rogan

> We're reading a psychological drama. The protagonist, of course, has a tragic backstory...


... of having eaten too much candy, which were gifted by her big and happy family. Will she make the same mistake with her own child? 


The big grandfather clock is showing 1 minute before midnight...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...then midnight, then a minute after midnight, then 12:02, then...

"It's quiet. TOO quiet..."

----------


## Pex

> ...then midnight, then a minute after midnight, then 12:02, then...
> 
> "It's quiet. TOO quiet..."


"Oof, I forgot to turn on the speakers for my computer. There, that's better."

On the first day of class, the professor tells his students "Look to your left. Look to your right" . . .

----------


## Rogan

> l
> On the first day of class, the professor tells his students "Look to your left. Look to your right" . . .


... and remember to continue this motion every once in a while. Your neck will be grateful"

"Hey look out, Behind you!"...

----------


## Scarlet Knight

You say, "Oh, I know I shall hateth myself cometh the dawn. Where, liar?" just as the King arrives.

The old woman stares at you. "You go to ze castle? Der iz no living soul in ze castle."

----------


## Pex

> You say, "Oh, I know I shall hateth myself cometh the dawn. Where, liar?" just as the King arrives.
> 
> The old woman stares at you. "You go to ze castle? Der iz no living soul in ze castle."


"Oh, I'm from FedEx delivering a package. Do you know when they'll be home or is there a place I can leave it?"

The old woman responds "Ze front gate iz fine. Zerz a container."



The lights go out. "It's probably just a fuse. I'll go check it out. I'll be right back."

----------


## Taffimai

> The lights go out. "It's probably just a fuse. I'll go check it out. I'll be right back."


No, Pex, the lights are out because it's well past your bedtime and I switched them off. Now back to bed with you and no more playing around, you're keeping everybody else up!


A woman comes to work with black eye. "I... I walked into a door..." she says unconvincingly.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

The camera pans and refocuses on the glass office door, which is practically invisible. Smash cut to the *Windex*(R) logo.

A group of children gather around a book and a strange symbol drawn in red on their floor, then start chanting something unintelligible.

----------


## Scarlet Knight

"I know it's hard children, but you want to be ready for our class trip to Canada, don't you? OK try again: "Hello Mrs. McKenzie. That is a lovely maple leaf you have!' " 

Four mates from a small working town form a band...

----------


## Velaryon

...at their first gig, a record executive hires them... as office workers. They accept, and get day jobs at the record label instead of as artists.

A lone figure stands atop the roof of a skyscraper, coat billowing in the wind as they look out over the city...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

They pull out their treasure map and try to line up its directions. It was clearly drawn to match this vantage poi- OH NO THE WIND CAUGHT IT IT'S BLOWING AWAY AHHH!

Grandma! What big eyes you have!

----------


## paddyfool

My thyroid is playing up again my dear - please can you help me call the doctor?

Wanna know how I got these scars?

----------


## Taffimai

> Wanna know how I got these scars?


Omg I know! You got knocked up! I gave you stretch marks and ruined your figure and ended your modelling career! You tell me every time I want to go out Mom, it's just a party!


After a long treck, the four heroes arrive at the dungeon. They are the Fighter, the Mage, the Cleric and...

----------


## Scarlet Knight

Jake the Junkie. With his wagon, he has made a fortune out of selling things left behind after adventurers clear a dungeon. He loves hearing the words: "We leave the copper.."

"The first one was too soft. The second one was too hard. The third one...."

----------


## sengmeng

...didn't fit."





A farm boy moves to the big city to make his way in the world.

----------


## braveheart

Finds that e erything is way too loud and immediately turns around and goes home



The dragon is slain his hoard is your's

----------


## paddyfool

Now the game of building a fantasy world business empire can begin!

You are on a quest to save the Princess from a dragon...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

You're so worried about your little royal niece that you don't notice the pressure plate on the floor as you rush into the dragon's lair. Gas sconces in the walls suddenly light up, and a colorful cloud of some papery substance drops from the ceiling above you...
Elliott Queen, the Princess: "Surpriiiise! Happy birthday!"
Moxilanthritax, the Dragon: "You really thought I cared about that absurd custody battle?"
Lucy Flake, the Party Rogue: "It's like I told you, Moxie! I always know how to lie to a paladin!"

In the light of the full moon, your friend suddenly hunches over, breathing heavily. Their muscles flex, and you hear a growling noise...

----------


## Taffimai

> In the light of the full moon, your friend suddenly hunches over, breathing heavily. Their muscles flex, and you hear a growling noise...


I smell it too: a young buck, about 300m upwind. Smiling, I throw off my overalls and lower my hands towards the ground. Let them legislate against hunting dogs all they want, they'll never close our loophole!


Mirror, mirror, on the wall...

----------


## Pex

> I smell it too: a young buck, about 300m upwind. Smiling, I throw off my overalls and lower my hands towards the ground. Let them legislate against hunting dogs all they want, they'll never close our loophole!
> 
> 
> Mirror, mirror, on the wall...


. . . is an example of the Mandela effect. The real quote it "Magic mirror on the wall".



A young girl finds an old doll in the attic.

----------


## Bucky

When she picks it up, she inherits her great-grandmother's magical power and the doll comes to life as her tutor in all manners magical.

Three children sneak into an abandoned mansion.

----------


## Xihirli

They throw a rager and invite Ella!
But it's laundry day, and she doesn't have any clothes suitable for an abandoned mansion rager!
Enter... the fairy godmother!

...know what, heck, that's my entry, too.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

She crashes the party herself and steals all of the partygoers'... entire personalities? Their emotions, maybe? They're basically catatonic. Ella decides to show up late wearing whatever, only to find that she is now the last one left who can save everyone!

You wake up in a dark room with a monitor displaying an old clown puppet.

----------


## Pex

> She crashes the party herself and steals all of the partygoers'... entire personalities? Their emotions, maybe? They're basically catatonic. Ella decides to show up late wearing whatever, only to find that she is now the last one left who can save everyone!
> 
> You wake up in a dark room with a monitor displaying an old clown puppet.


Then you realize you fell asleep with the tv on. A local cable station is running oldies shows. Right now it's Kukla, Fran, and Ollie.

Hold my beer.

----------


## Taffimai

> Hold my beer.


... is actually a meme rather than a trope. Or did you mean to say "Hold my glasses"?


Glove slap!

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

It's short for Great Love Slap! It's what cupid uses when he's stuck in melee.

A woman in a pointed hat stands hunched over a boiling cauldron...

----------


## Lacco

...it's Halloween, school cafeteria and the lunch ladies are just havings some fun. Give them a break. It's just a pot of gumbo. Relatively harmless.

She walked through my door like a tigress walks into a Burmese orphanage  strawberry blonde and legs for hours. No dame her age could afford a coat like that, and the kinda makeup she had on gave me a good idea how she got it. She had bad news written on her like October of '29...

----------


## Pex

> She walked through my door like a tigress walks into a Burmese orphanage  strawberry blonde and legs for hours. No dame her age could afford a coat like that, and the kinda makeup she had on gave me a good idea how she got it. She had bad news written on her like October of '29...


"Wow Sally, I told'ja you'd look great in my old coat. It's perfect for the Halloween party in two days. Ok, let's get the rest of your tattoo filled in. So what color would you like the words 'bad news' filled?"


"Tell me what you see in these ink blots."

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

*looks into microscope* Holy cannoli! This ink was made with human blood!

A man with a scraggly beard, a loincloth and a volleyball is surprised to spot a single ship in the distance.

----------


## MornShine

He clicks on the radio next to him. Hello the aircraft carrier! You are on a collision course with us. Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision...

Im putting together a team.

----------


## sengmeng

Long drag of a cigarette. 

"And you need a getaway driver."

"Not really, it's a volleyball team."




You read from an ancient book bound in black leather with skulls all over it.

----------


## Taffimai

> You read from an ancient book bound in black leather with skulls all over it.


It details the woes of a teenaged girl living in 16th century Italy who complains that her mother is too strict, her father won't buy her a blue dress, and men only ever have eyes for her prettier older sister. It also contains some poetry of middling quality and a recipe for either a dessert wine or a supposed cure for athlete's foot, I'm not quite sure, but her grandfather swears by it.


It's a dark and rainy night, and we see a couple arguing while driving their car.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

Were their chauffeur, you see. Our mission for purposes of this game is to drive them to different places and see how it influences their relationship.

One day, a cop picked up an axe. He became

----------


## paddyfool

... a lumberjack instead. 

Twas brillig, and the slithy tothes...

----------


## Pex

Oh forget it. I need to look at the keyboard to type. Let me try again. "It was brilliant, and the silly clothes just emphasized the point."


The voices in my head said . . .

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

"help! help! we're trapped in a giant's skull!"

Fee fie fo fum! I smell...

----------


## Taffimai

> Fee fie fo fum! I smell...


...great thanks to my new deodorant: _Cormoran_, scented with only the most magical of Cornish wildflowers!


A simple farm boy is on his way to the market to sell his only cow...

----------


## MornShine

... and gets caught up in a multi-level marketing scheme pushing beauty products.


A nearsighted student stumbles into an attractive-and-shy classmate, causing the latter to drop their books...

----------


## paddyfool

... they get in a fight, and both get suspended. The nearsighted student lost the fight, which triggers them to develop an interest in martial arts and go on to be a professional MMA fighter. The attractive but shy classmate who wins the fight becomes the new class bully and then spirals downhill into violent crime.

I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

*stares sadly into space* *is not actually okay*

A man in a suit is walking down the sidewalk when he steps on a banana peel.

----------


## Rogan

> A man in a suit is walking down the sidewalk when he steps on a banana peel.


He stops, mutters some curses about littering and picks it up to throw it into the nearby bin.

"I am a Berliner!"

----------


## sengmeng

It was the most bizarre thing I've ever heard said by a jelly donut. .


"The British are coming!"

----------


## oogaboogagoblin

for tea. they have excellent tea and are coming here to judge yours.

"long live the king!"

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

Everyone politely clinks glasses and drinks to the toast. No one has died. No one in the room is a lion.

The protagonist is enveloped by a translucent aura and his hair turns yellow.

----------


## paddyfool

He's a confidence artist using an illusion to convince the townsfolk that he's actually an angelic being.

"In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might, beware my power..."

----------


## sengmeng

"... mom's blacklight."



"Life is like a box of chocolates..."

----------


## mucat

> "Life is like a box of chocolates..."


It metabolizes food, produces waste, reproduces, senses its environment, responds aggressively to stimuli..._holy crap, these aren't chocolates!_

"Gentlemen, it has been an honor..."

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

A sigh. "We're not going anywhere, dude."

Time for an evening of sex, drugs and-

----------


## MornShine

-- arguing about the themes and the morals of various novels about coming of age as a woman in victorian england.

Have you ever looked at you hands, I mean really looked at your hands?

----------


## Lacco

"...because you really need a pedicure. Like really."

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming here. tI have assembled you here for a reason..."

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

What, you don't give your robots a commencement speech when you first activate them? Without it, how would they know what to do?

Behold! A man!

----------


## oogaboogagoblin

i say, pointing at dave from accounting

"tell my story"

----------


## Rogan

> "tell my story"


"Sorry, but your story is boring. Look for some other publisher"

Sit down, have a break and some cookies...

----------


## Pex

> Sit down, have a break and some cookies...


J. K. Rowling presses backspace. That's not how McGonagall would speak. Thinking for a moment, Rowling nods and types. "Have a biscuit."

As the teenagers walk through the woods to the lake, they failed to see the sign that had fallen over and was covered with dried leaves. "No Swimming"

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

The underside of the sign is home to numerous snails and pill bugs. While snails and fungi can eat the rotting wood directly, the pill bugs actually cannot; they are mostly there for the dead leaves and grass.

A sailor notices a pointed gray fin sticking up from the water.

----------


## oogaboogagoblin

the sailor sighs, and wonders how fin died.

only the good die young

----------


## Pex

Young Bae puts away his trick d20 with two 20s and no 1 and rolls the d20 the DM hands him.

The rogue asteroid travels through space. In the distance is a bright blue planet.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

With its black charcoal crust, the rogue asteroid's presence is only betrayed by the occasional shadow in the starlight behind it, which the tyrannical Maridune fails to notice through its planet-sized monocle and top hat. The now-meteor draws its obsidian frost dagger and prepares to roll 5d6 bonus damage as it approaches its target, for in space, no one can hear you sneak attack.

The lights in the newsroom dim and the reporters set down their notes, but someone forgets to cut the camera and microphone.

----------


## Rogan

> The lights in the newsroom dim and the reporters set down their notes, but someone forgets to cut the camera and microphone.


The new trainee gets very nervous but gathers her courage and asks her boss about this. The error is fixed and the trainee gets a compliment for her observation skills. 

Once upon a time, there was a fair princess and a courageous knight...

----------


## sengmeng

It took all her time, really, maintaining a full beauty regimen and her armor, mount, and weapons. She didn't have any time left over to adventure.









A big flashing red button exists

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

It's shaped like an ornament. Pin it to your sweater!

Suddenly, a big tentacle springs from the water and wraps around your leg!

----------


## paddyfool

As you eat your easily caught fresh grilled octopus, you are disappointed that this encounter didn't lead to the sexy situations that hentai has led you to expect.

You lose your grip on the cliff face and fall...

----------


## Pex

. . . madly in love with him all over again. Cliff, your high school sweetheart.

It's the bottom of the ninth of the 7th game of the World series. Two outs, two strikes. Bases loaded.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

This would probably be more tense if the World Series weren't expanded to 25 games last year. The season got a lot longer thanks to global warming.

The 40-centimeter-tall mouse's cute little red cheeks start sparking with electricity...

----------


## sengmeng

The miniature electric chair worked exactly as designed.



"Four score and seven years ago..."

----------


## Rogan

> "Four score and seven years ago..."


"... king Franklin died. His successor was his son, king Franklin II. Four score and one year ago, he died as well..." Oh boy... this history lesson is really boring!

Full moon is approaching, beware of the beast!

----------


## Pex

Rejected subtitle for Magic Mike 3.

Alone in the jungle you see a lion.

----------


## Gold Leaf

Being the wimp I am, I immediately get out of there before it spots me.

A man in sunglasses walks up to you and introduces himself as Coolman McAwesome.

----------


## MornShine

He's drunk. He's very drunk. After a bit of consternation, you call emergency services and he is taken to get his stomach pumped. You continue with your nighly walk.

A man lurks in the shadow of a streetlamp on an empty residential street.

----------


## Personification

With a grunt, he pulls it out of the ground and swings it directly into the kaiju's face as it rounds the corner of Maple and Second Street.

*Spoiler: I just want to say that this whole exercise reminds me of this comic, which I love:*
Show






"Well, if we're going to find out what this does, now is the time!" he says, flipping up a panel marked "Do Not Push" next to the wheel and preparing to hit the red button underneath.

----------


## Pex

Reading the sign he says "Oh duh!' then pulls the red button. Music starts playing and little puppets dance around. "Oh, how cute. My kid will love this!"

He goes into the kitchen. He grabs the knife.

----------


## Personification

He chops the veggies. He tosses the salad. He serves the salad. He is the good salad chef. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

_*Record Scratch*_ So, I bet you're wondering how I got here. Well...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

The DJ left the door open! *record scratch* *record scratch* *record scratch* *comical bonk sound* *rooster crowing*

See Spot. See Spot run.

----------


## Rogan

> See Spot. See Spot run.


See Spot run away. See Spot run away fast.
"That's a booring game..."

One of the two goblets of wine contains poison. Choose wisely!

----------


## Persolus

That, or choose to hire your poisoners based on _other_ criteria than "is dirt cheap." They really need to put a label on these things...

A hot-tempered female warrior and an arrogant male sorcerer are forced to work together to save the world.

----------


## Personification

...and our villain protagonists must stop them before they overcome their differences and thwart the Grand Plan.

Welcome to Boringsmalltoensville, where nothing _ever_ happens...

----------


## Pex

The six teenagers in the jeep continue riding by on their way home after a wonderful weekend at the cabin in the woods.

On a foggy night of a full moon, a wolf howls. A bat flutters. A black cat jumps down from a porch railing in front of a wooden house.

----------


## Personification

...I'm David Attenborough, and this is Blue Planet: Suburbia!

A man, out of breath, runs through a hospital, fending off orderlies as he shouts...

----------


## DisavowedPaladi

> ...I'm David Attenborough, and this is Blue Planet: Suburbia!
> 
> A man, out of breath, runs through a hospital, fending off orderlies as he shouts...


Whos idea was this live unscripted urban traversal course anyway?

Taxi Driver, Follow that car!

----------


## Pex

> Whos idea was this live unscripted urban traversal course anyway?
> 
> Taxi Driver, Follow that car!


Hmm, I think I'll watch Follow That Car. I know the Robert De Niro movie is more well known, but Follow That Car not only stars country singer Tanya Tucker, but also Dirk Benedict! I was a major fan of the original Battlestar Galactica. I did like the A-Team at first but got bored with it. Anyway, it would be nice to see Dirk Benedict in action again.


Ominous scary music plays.

----------


## Ironsmith

To the acclaim of the audience, who give this talented pianist a standing ovation.

The tyranical emperor sends his soldiers to destroy a peaceful village, leaving but one survivor...

----------


## Bucky

...a fresh conscript whom he subsequently executes for cowardice. The emperor leaves the village alone after that.

The mad scientist opens his garage door and unleashes the robots within.

----------


## Personification

...with their help, the messy garage is cleaned in minutes!

A conventionally attractive man bumps into a conventionally attractive woman in the hallway, causing her to drop the papers she was carrying, as they awkwardly apologize at each other and try to quickly gather the papers together, their eyes meet...

----------


## Ironsmith

"...Oh, hey! I didn't realize you were back in town! How's the wife?"
"Doing okay. We're just here for our ten-year anniversary. How about you? Still living the bachelor's life?"
"Heh. Yeah, you know me. It's paying off, though. Take a look at that."
*whistles* "That's one hell of a book deal."
"I know, right? Anyway, I should get going. Still got half a tour to get through."
"Fair enough. Take care of yourself."
"You too, sis."

An eccentric billionaire has died. In his will, which is read before his massive family, he leaves all of his assets to the winner of a contest of his own design...

----------


## Rogan

> An eccentric billionaire has died. In his will, which is read before his massive family, he leaves all of his assets to the winner of a contest of his own design...


The family agrees that they don't have any interest in these crazy ideas and leave. They have their own money, after all.
The inheritance falls to the state and a public shool is built and named after the billionaire. Here is the story of a band of three brilliant students: ...


If there's something strange, 
In the neighborhood, 
Who ya gonna call?

----------


## Persolus

> If there's something strange, 
> In the neighborhood, 
> Who ya gonna call?


No one, because everything is perfectly fine. *Th*is is perf*e*ctl*y* normal. 
We *are* all perfectly ordered.
We are *all* perfectly *wa*rded.
We are all perfectl*y* *s*afe.
We are all perfectly *he*althy.
We a*re* all perfectly free.


Lonely, average, "not-like-other girls" type [insert as many adjectives as necessary] finds a mysterious necklace that has a strange aura to it...

----------


## Personification

...as she puts it on a, voiceover (Stephen Fry if they can afford it, Anderson Cooper if they can't) begins. "The Hope Diamond, as it is now called, has had a fascinating history. It has had many names and been a part of many fantastical pieces of jewelry, but it is perhaps best none for its so-called curse. Tune in tonight at seven for CNN Original _The Cursed Gem: The True History of the Hope Diamond_."

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found...

----------


## paddyfool

. He had been reborn as an Antinium worker in the free hive under Liscor. 

A dashing young hero sets out on a quest to rescue a princess from an evil sorcerer

----------


## Ironsmith

Said princess was in exile for trying to usurp the throne by killing her parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, all of their respective spouses... suffice it to say that when she returns to the capital, interesting times are had by all. It certainly doesn't help that she's coming back armed with magics she's learned by looking over her captor's shoulder. She's as wicked as they come, but you have to admire the resourcefulness.

If you must go into the woods, stay on the path...

----------


## Personification

...of the gods, for heretics lurk behind every tree. Now, young Inquisitor, the next stage in your training is...


"Wait, bagels? That's it!" he said as he scrambled towards the window with a dry erase marker. "This is the solution to..."

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...at which point Stanley took a deep sniff from the marker, crashed through the window, and fell to his death.

Look, up in the sky!

----------


## Ironsmith

The capital's anthem sounds, as the display of the day's fallen tributes is shown for all to see. It's useful information to have in the Hunger Games... but depressing all the same.

*cracks knuckles*
Now you've gone and done it. I didn't want to have to do this...

----------


## Laurentio III

... because it hurts, damned arthritis!

Anyway, hold my beer...

----------


## Rogan

> Anyway, hold my beer...


... thanks. I can take it back again after lighting my cigar.

No matter what you hear: * Don't look back!*

----------


## animorte

> No matter what you hear: * Don't look back!*


The familiar tune beckons to you, but you didn't look back and prepare. The ice cream truck drove past you at full speed. No chance...

This tastes... just  :Small Yuk:  wonderful. Thank you, but I have prior arrangements...

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

...to eat a whole bucket of it, an hour ago, which I already did and that's why I don't want more right now.

A crowd of people are in a darkened theater, shouting at a projection of some guy talking.

----------


## Rogan

> A crowd of people are in a darkened theater, shouting at a projection of some guy talking.


They really don't want to see another trailer for "the king's speech", instead they want to get action from a new Marvel movie. 

Before I'm going to finish you, Mr Bond... any last words?

----------


## bug_sniper

That's right, Mr. Bond. Any last words you want engraved on your statue before I apply the wood finish and give you my bill?

Look, up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane

----------


## Pex

It's a cloud. It's the sun. It's a kite. It's the top of trees. I love going to the park.

"Magic Mirror on the wall . . ."

----------


## animorte

> "Magic Mirror on the wall . . ."


"...why can't I see my reflection at all?"

She sells seashells...

----------


## paddyfool

as a cover for her cocaine business.

The last son of a dying planet

----------


## Ironsmith

...just heckin' died, lol. If the dying planet had a last son _and daughter_, they might have had a chance.

Weeeee are the champions, my friend~

----------


## Pex

The Second toe said "Well, I've been home all along so no. Much help you are. Big toe had to go to market to get more roast beef since not all of us had some."


The saucer-shape spaceship lands. A door opens.

----------


## Smoutwortel

> The Second toe said "Well, I've been home all along so no. Much help you are. Big toe had to go to market to get more roast beef since not all of us had some."
> 
> 
> The saucer-shape spaceship lands. A door opens.


And a hotdog vendor walks out: screaming "yummy hot dogs"

The mad scientists builds a device

----------


## animorte

> The mad scientists builds a device


This device acts as a podium during anger management therapy and is able to calm down the speaker if they start to get out of hand.

Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme,

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

pooby hig lorj wyme, mowalhig buzzaim~

A snake bites the princess! Now she's in bed sick...

----------


## Ironsmith

...but only for a little while. Within a week, she's feeling much better, and developing snake powers. Little guy must have been radioactive.



Among the misty peaks of the mountains, a lone monastery sits...

----------


## Persolus

> ...but only for a little while. Within a week, she's feeling much better, and developing snake powers. Little guy must have been radioactive.
> 
> 
> 
> Among the misty peaks of the mountains, a lone monastery sits...


Pining over the handsome gazebo it lost all those years ago.

It's alive! IT'S ALIIIIVE!

----------


## ChrysalisM

> Pining over the handsome gazebo it lost all those years ago.
> 
> It's alive! IT'S ALIIIIVE!


No wait... It's not alive... ITS UNDEAD!!!!


You all fell for my trap!!!

----------


## animorte

> You all fell for my trap!!!


Sometimes love just takes control. Youre invited to the wedding!

We were rowing that boat gently down the stream.

----------


## ChrysalisM

> Sometimes love just takes control. Youre invited to the wedding!
> 
> We were rowing that boat gently down the stream.


When we were far enough out, we disposed of the body.

My son, you are the destined chosen one!

----------


## Ironsmith

I'll miss you, kid. *sniffles as the hand carries them away toward the giant's mouth*



Who's on first, what's on second, I don't know's on third...

----------


## animorte

> Who's on first, what's on second, I don't know's on third...


How else are we supposed to get through the night safely if we don't schedule a watch?

I see my victim approaching from a distance. I look over at the solid wall upon which I have cleverly painted a fake tunnel entrance.

----------


## Dr.Gunsforhands

That you were painting this detailed mural today will make for the perfect alibi, especially since the victim will be the only one who knew it was already finished.

The new line of semi-sentient robots is given three primary directives:

----------


## ChrysalisM

1. You dont talk about fight club
2. 42
3. Invest in bonds



In america, you watch television.

----------


## Ironsmith

What's the matter? Never seen the Kill Your Family Show?

Ha! Nanomachines, son!

----------


## Rogan

> Ha! Nanomachines, son!


GIANT Nanomachines. They are 10 cm in diameter. Don't confuse them with mini Megamachines.

He's a nerd. She's a beauty queen. Together, they...

----------


## bug_sniper

form a tennis team that gets 20 scores of 30 or 45-love against themselves in a row and gets last place in the roster.

Do you expect me to talk?

----------


## Starlit Dragon

> form a tennis team that gets 20 scores of 30 or 45-love against themselves in a row and gets last place in the roster.
> 
> Do you expect me to talk?


Look, just let me write until my jaw heals. This hurts like hell, you know.



And so the wicked queen puts a dagger to the heroine's throat...

----------


## animorte

> And so the wicked queen puts a dagger to the heroine's throat...


She slices the top button off her blouse and moves down to the second.

Wow! Did you see that other driver cut me off?!?!

----------


## ChrysalisM

> She slices the top button off her blouse and moves down to the second.
> 
> Wow! Did you see that other driver cut me off?!?!


What's even more insulting is that that hit allowed them to make a hole in one!

You activated my trap card!

----------


## Rogan

> You activated my trap card!


You see, this carpet in the design of a playing card was actually the cover of a pitfall.

When this candle burns the string, the weight will fall and ...

----------


## Personification

You will take the last slot in this season's final three on... SURVIVOR!

Help me, BROTHER!

----------

