# Forum > Gaming > Roleplaying Games >  Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 13: This Is A Banned List Not A Drinking Game

## Rater202

(Had to tweak the title so it'd fit)

This is the (unlucky) thirteenth incarnation of this thread of insanity and mutual frustration, both real rules and jokes are welcome in this thread.

For Newcomers, we've more or less abandoned numbers in favor of individual sets of asterixes for the sake of rules and subrules because numbers inevitably get confused and mismatched and this helps keep things straight.

Previous Threads:
1: [Any] Things I may no longer do while playing.
2: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
3: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
4: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas
5: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law
6: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VI: This Isn't A Checklist We Swear!
7: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then
8: Things I May No Longer Do while Playing VIII: Why is the PLOT on fire?
9: Things I May No Longer Do while Playing IX: GNO GNOMES!
10: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing X: Bard is not a valid choice
11: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread
12: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

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## Anonymouswizard

* If it weighs more than my carrying capacity I may not loot it.
** No matter how many pulleys I have.

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## Kareeah_Indaga

* If we came here to rescue Pokémon, using those same Pokémon as suicidal cannon fodder is frowned upon.

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## DeTess

*Asking how much one of the airships cannon's weighs is a reasonable question.
**Trying to then figure out a way to boost your characters carrying capacity enough so you can easily lug it around isn't.

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## Telok

* Not allowed to abuse massive wealth, vehicle building rules, the "living vehicle" option, and necromancy, to have a squad of zombie 50mm autocannons firing APDS disguised as a rock & roll band.
** No eyeball sucking demon hamburgers.
*** My PC may not have a villian lair like in _Big Trouble in Little China_.
**** Not allwed a PC so mindlessly and over the top stupid-heroic-good that they're more dangerous and destructive than the villan.

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## Rater202

*I cannot have a self-portable lair that's bigger on the inside than it is on the outsider and small enough to navigate most buildings, equip it with external weapons that I can control from the inside and an intercom, and then just never leave it
**Relatedly, I can't be a superhero whose gimick is that he has what is essentially a tank that he just lives in.
***My Timelord can't be their own TARDIS
****I can't have a TARDIS

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## Anonymouswizard

* Cannot run a Whoniverse game based on the classic series.
** Especially if I base it on the first six seasons.
*** I am to explain how regeneration works if this is the lore I'm using.

Okay, I've not had the chance to run it, but I do have campaign notes for a Doctor Who campaign based on the First and Second Doctor eras. Extrapolating from the episodes the Time Lords become an advanced human* civilisation, 'Renewal' doesn't have a limit but requires technology (included in your standard TARDIS}, and time travel is very, very rare (done only by the Time Lords and Daleks). Sadly I don't know anybody who'd be interested, even Classic Who could be a bit of a stretch.

* Based on the Doctor having no noticeable second heart and referring to himself as human.

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## Laughing Dog

dozen:  I am not allowed to put ranks in Craft: (Baking)
dozen:  I'm not allowed to put ranks in Profession: (Baker) either.


*I am not allowed to bring the Borg into the Mass Effect universe.
**Even if it would be neat to see them steamroll the Reapers.
***Bringing Species 8472 into the Mass Effect universe is right out.
****I mean, Species 8472 can steamroll the Borg and aren't exactly the friendly sort either.

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## Lord Raziere

* My Khornate Berserker can't be someone who can only say "Blood for the Blood God" as if they are a 40k version of Groot

* not allowed to bring The Doctor into the Mass Effect universe, even if it would be funny to watch him steamroll the Reapers
** and fix the genophage.
*** and quip at everyone for using guns
**** and treat the Asari as a young inexperienced race.
***** it would be worth it if the Reapers say "you cannot stop us Shephard and Shepard says "Yes, but he can" and points to the Doctor
****** and if Shepard somehow gets a win over The Doctor in return in some way to tweak his nose.

* Jojo's Bizarre Fallout is a campaign idea that will never happen.

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## PhoenixPhyre

* May no longer suggest that the party's resident inter-racial (halfling and half-elf) gay couple assassinate the local duke by being flamboyantly, over-the-top gay in her presence and driving her into a rage-induced stroke.
** Even if she is an elderly, racist, xenophobic male-hating jerk with a weak heart. She's not a homophobe, just hates men as anything other than mobile baby-making devices, believing that's the will of the gods. Oh, and hates outsiders, magic users, and adventurers.
** Doing this may cause political consequences that undermine the whole point of trying to talk to her in the first place.

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## Lord Raziere

* My Superman Expy can't be a stereotypical little green man alien who is just using advanced tech to emulate the powers
** Or a xenomorph like alien that has wings, doesn't look human at all but still acts like Superman.
*** or point out that some vampires technically have most of Superman's powers (Super-Strength, Invulnerability, Flight, Super Speed) and that if you count Dio, then a vampire could have laser eye beams as well

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## Ides Usher

* I am not allowed to add HP to all the monsters and dramatically increase the number and deadliness of traps in The Tomb of Horrors.
** I am not allowed to devise additional trap and monster laden levels for The Tomb of Horrors.
***Giving the demi-lich a demi-lich consort is unfair and also not allowed.

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## danielxcutter

> * I am not allowed to add HP to all the monsters and dramatically increase the number and deadliness of traps in The Tomb of Horrors.
> ** I am not allowed to devise additional trap and monster laden levels for The Tomb of Horrors.
> ***Giving the demi-lich a demi-lich consort is unfair and also not allowed.


Does that module even _need_ to be made harder? I thought that was the one where everyone gets killed by fiat without looking at the DM notes.

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## noob

> Does that module even _need_ to be made harder? I thought that was the one where everyone gets killed by fiat without looking at the DM notes.


One word: Hirelings.
Some people likes to see many many hirelings die horribly.

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## Rater202

*May not do a game that's just a bunch of high-level Star Wars characters transplanted into the events of the Mass Effect trilogy.
**May not baffle at things like AI being illegal when sapient droids are commonplace back home.
***May not draw attention to how peculiar it is that humans seemed to have evolved independently in two separate galaxies with the same ethnic categorization and environmental markers to the point of being completely identical except for the fact that the ones in the Milky Way way don't have Midichlorians.
****May not comment on the convenient coincidence that Basic and English are virtually identical languages and that all of the aliens in the Milky Way speak English and refer to things in Earth Time, which is identical to Coruscant Time.
*****May not play Darth Imperious.
******Cannot say "a Sith, a Jedi, and a Mandalorian walk into X" in a joking manner literally every time we go anywhere.
*******Three people can't roll over the entire Mass Effect Milky Way stomping the Reapers, the Batarians, Cereberus, and the Citadel Council all at once, even if the Force is on their side and nobody has any idea how to deal with their powers and weapons.

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## danielxcutter

> One word: Hirelings.
> Some people likes to see many many hirelings die horribly.


Oh. I suppose the "use cannon fodder to set traps off" strategy would make it easier.




> *May not do a game that's just a bunch of high-level Star Wars characters transplanted into the events of the Mass Effect trilogy.
> **May not baffle at things like AI being illegal when sapient droids are commonplace back home.
> ***May not draw attention to how peculiar it is that humans seemed to have evolved independently in two separate galaxies with the same ethnic categorization and environmental markers to the point of being completely identical except for the fact that the ones in the Milky Way way don't have Midichlorians.
> ****May not comment on the convenient coincidence that Basic and English are virtually identical languages and that all of the aliens in the Milky Way speak English and refer to things in Earth Time, which is identical to Coruscant Time.
> *****May not play Darth Imperious.
> ******Cannot say "a Sith, a Jedi, and a Mandalorian walk into X" in a joking manner literally every time we go anywhere.
> *******Three people can't roll over the entire Mass Effect Milky Way stomping the Reapers, the Batarians, Cereberus, and the Citadel Council all at once, even if the Force is on their side and nobody has any idea how to deal with their powers and weapons.


How's the... what's the term, power balance? How's Mass Effect compared to Star Wars? I don't know much but I was of the impression Reapers were pretty damn strong and there are a lot of them.

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## noob

> Oh. I suppose the "use cannon fodder to set traps off" strategy would make it easier.
> 
> 
> 
> How's the... what's the term, power balance? How's Mass Effect compared to Star Wars? I don't know much but I was of the impression Reapers were pretty damn strong and there are a lot of them.


Maybe lasers shot at them and non instantaneous projectiles suddenly follow star wars rules and can be automatically blocked by lightsabers invalidating all their ranged weapons basically forcing them to use melee weapons and explosives which are both considerably less practical against individual people when you do not want to bring down the buildings on yourselves

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## danielxcutter

> Maybe lasers shot at them and non instantaneous projectiles suddenly follow star wars rules and can be automatically blocked by lightsabers invalidating all their ranged weapons basically forcing them to use melee weapons and explosives which are both considerably less practical against individual people when you do not want to bring down the buildings on yourselves


Well yes, but I was thinking "what the heck can a Jedi do against the Reapers" more.

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## Rater202

> How's the... what's the term, power balance? How's Mass Effect compared to Star Wars? I don't know much but I was of the impression Reapers were pretty damn strong and there are a lot of them.


In EU materials, it's shown that a sufficiently powerful or skilled Force user can use The Force the throw around ships about the size of The Reapers. And that's basically what the Reapers are, giant starships. Sapient Star Ships with Techno-Organic and Biomechanical parts, but Star Ships none the less.

And you'll note that Darth Imperious is banned by name.

Darth Imperious is a Legends canon character from the Old Republic, being the "default" Sith Inquisitor PC if you skip straight to the DLC instead of playing through the inquisitor's storyline manually. Notably, the name Imperious is the name you get if you're considered a Lightsider when you complete the Inquisitor's class storyline.

The Inquisitor is a Force Prodigy like Yoda, the Skywalkers, Palpatine, or Rey. Just, inherently very powerful with the Force and naturally talented at using it. The same seems to be true of all Force Sensitive PCs in The Old Republic, but it's explicitly commented on in the case of the Inquisitor.

The Inquisitor is something called a Force Walker, a living nexus point where different aspects of the Force comingle. What exactly this entails is unknown, but it is known that it gives them power over the dead. Allowing them to do things like Bind the Ghosts of five powerful ancient Lords of the Sith to themselves in order to access those spirits knowledge and power and slowly take it for themself. The Inquisitor is also immortal for as long as they have a least one ghost bound to them, being physically unable to die.

The Inquisitor also undergoes special training with a group of Grey Jedi on Voss that allows them to perform a ritual that lets them deal with all of their mental issues and drastically, drastically strengthen their mind by literally killing their mental problems, and underwent extensive bio-augmentation via a piece of ancient technology with the biology of every Force Sensitive humanoid species in the galaxy encoded into it which made their body physically superhuman to an unknown degree.

Now, since the Inquisitor is canonically a Lightsider it's highly likely that they released those Ghosts prior to absorbing all of their power(Or put them to rest, in which case it's unknown what happens to the _power_ of the Ghosts) but they'd still have access to vast reserves of natural power, the knowledge of five Lords of the Sith, and a portion of each Lord's power so tossing Star Ships around isn't beyond the pale of what they should be able to do.

If it is assumed that the Jedi and the Mandolorian are similarly powerful/skilled/equipped then that's... Basically, as long as multiple Reapers don't gang up on them.

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## danielxcutter

> In EU materials, it's shown that a sufficiently powerful or skilled Force user can use The Force the throw around ships about the size of The Reapers. And that's basically what the Reapers are, giant starships. Sapient Star Ships with Techno-Organic and Biomechanical parts, but Star Ships none the less.
> 
> And you'll note that Darth Imperious is banned by name.
> 
> Darth Imperious is a Legends canon character from the Old Republic, being the "default" Sith Inquisitor PC if you skip straight to the DLC instead of playing through the inquisitor's storyline manually. Notably, the name Imperious is the name you get if you're considered a Lightsider when you complete the Inquisitor's class storyline.
> 
> The Inquisitor is a Force Prodigy like Yoda, the Skywalkers, Palpatine, or Rey. Just, inherently very powerful with the Force and naturally talented at using it. The same seems to be true of all Force Sensitive PCs in The Old Republic, but it's explicitly commented on in the case of the Inquisitor.
> 
> The Inquisitor is something called a Force Walker, a living nexus point where different aspects of the Force comingle. What exactly this entails is unknown, but it is known that it gives them power over the dead. Allowing them to do things like Bind the Ghosts of five powerful ancient Lords of the Sith to themselves in order to access those spirits knowledge and power and slowly take it for themself. The Inquisitor is also immortal for as long as they have a least one ghost bound to them, being physically unable to die.
> ...


That'd make a kickass fight, honestly.

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## Ides Usher

> Does that module even _need_ to be made harder? I thought that was the one where everyone gets killed by fiat without looking at the DM notes.


Yes, yes it is the one.  I may have gotten a little carried away there.  Or, as my players pointed out, a whole lot carried away.

* I am not allowed to increase the size of the Ravager by a factor of 100 just because I found it inconceivable that a puny little beholder "only" a mile across could destroy one whole world, let alone hundreds of worlds across multiple spheres.

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## danielxcutter

> Yes, yes it is the one.  I may have gotten a little carried away there.  Or, as my players pointed out, a whole lot carried away.
> 
> * I am not allowed to increase the size of the Ravager by a factor of 100 because I found it inconceivable that a puny little beholder only a mile across could destroy one whole world, let alone hundreds of worlds across multiple spheres.


...The _what?_

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## Ides Usher

> ...The _what?_


The Ravager is a mechamagical beholder from the _Spelljammer_ module Wildspace that when assembled is about a mile across.  The asteroid which contains its unassembled parts and transports it from sphere to sphere is much larger, actually a small planet.  My version required an asteroid that was about 1000 miles across, not big planet size, but larger than any mere asteroid.  

My earlier post may have been a little misleading.  When I said size, I didn't mean volume, I meant diameter.

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## danielxcutter

> The Ravager is a mechamagical beholder from the _Spelljammer_ module Wildspace that when assembled is about a mile across.  The asteroid which contains its unassembled parts and transports it from sphere to sphere is much larger, actually a small planet.  My version required an asteroid that was about 1000 miles across, not big planet size, but larger than any mere asteroid.


I mean, all the adult and older dragons in a given setting would probably fit comfortably inside something that big, and I'm pretty sure most settings would be annihilated if all of them went on a rampage short of literal divine intervention.

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## Telok

> I mean, all the adult and older dragons in a given setting would probably fit comfortably inside something that big, and I'm pretty sure most settings would be annihilated if all of them went on a rampage short of literal divine intervention.


* Not allowed to spring Spelljammer monsters on unsuspecting players who have never fought anything "larger" than 20x20, capable organizing a real naval action, and with ranged attacks based on thousands of feet of range.
** Dropping a dwarven citadel on their city from orbit and following up with a 20 cannon broadside on the wizard from outside fireball range is just rude.
*** Not allowed to giggle about "canonical cannons" in D&D while orcs engage in massed cannon fire at PCs.

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## danielxcutter

> * Not allowed to spring Spelljammer monsters on unsuspecting players who have never fought anything "larger" than 20x20, capable organizing a real naval action, and with ranged attacks based on thousands of feet of range.
> ** Dropping a dwarven citadel on their city from orbit and following up with a 20 cannon broadside on the wizard from outside fireball range is just rude.
> *** Not allowed to giggle about "canonical cannons" in D&D while orcs engage in massed cannon fire at PCs.


...Okay how do people even fight in Spelljammer?

Also real cannons? Are they good enough that it'd be better to invest in them rather than spellcasters?

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## Lord Torath

> ...Okay how do people even fight in Spelljammer?


With ballistas, catapults, bombards (black powder cannons), jettisons, and gnomish sweepers.  To be fair, Telok is running a Warhammer 40k/Spelljammer mashup called Dungeons the Dragoning, which takes Spelljammer (already dialed up to 11) and dials it up to 12.



> Also real cannons? Are they good enough that it'd be better to invest in them rather than spellcasters?


Depends on how much of a debutante your spellcaster is and how rare your DM decides to make smoke power.

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## Telok

> With ballistas, catapults, bombards (black powder cannons), jettisons, and gnomish sweepers.  To be fair, Telok is running a Warhammer 40k/Spelljammer mashup called Dungeons the Dragoning, which takes Spelljammer (already dialed up to 11) and dials it up to 12.
> Depends on how much of a debutante your spellcaster is and how rare your DM decides to make smoke power.


Canonically (stop giggling, stop giggling) spelljammers take 1 hull damage per 10 regular damage, cannon did... 2d6 hull? (I'd have to check the books at home) out to something like 8 or 10 hexes, and ship combat was on... thousand yard? across hexes. Since it was AD&D a 20th fighter with 18 Con had around 130 hp, but the radiant dragons had a wing buffet attack that did 2d10 hit points + auto "ship shaken" critical as a 200' area/range. And the wing buffets are never the "strong" attacks. On the other hand smoke powder was 50 gp a charge and a cannon used 10 charges a shot. Wizards had damage, but outside of stuff like Teleport their spells only worked at ramming range.

DtD is an attempt at wh40k + exalted + d&d + "what other awesone can we cram in here?". I did run a game, shut down by the plague and not restarted yet. So I'm rewriting chunks of the books to be better. Finished book 1 & currently working on book 2. Still undecided as to including stats for tarrasques as torpedo ammo.

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## Lord Raziere

> DtD is an attempt at wh40k + exalted + d&d + "what other awesone can we cram in here?". I did run a game, shut down by the plague and not restarted yet. So I'm rewriting chunks of the books to be better. Finished book 1 & currently working on book 2. Still undecided as to including stats for tarrasques as torpedo ammo.


I've played one and am playing another game of it as a tiefling vampire, first was an attempt at a gish but I learned my lesson from that and now play pure assassin, because at least with Rogue Trader psyker powers, I know how to optimize a character to safely cast spells.

* any concept like "demon vampire assassin" is too edgy
** can't go the other direction and become an "angel dryad knight" to champion both moral and environmental causes at the same time 
*** figuring out ways to both be angel and demon are not allowed
**** My next DnD character cannot be a combination of angel, demon, slaad and modron

* My Fallout roleplay character may not be "Nuka-Cola Crafter"
** may not invent "Nuka Turbo" to speed up myself
*** May not have a perk to prevent tooth decay that doubles as being able to use my teeth as a lethal weapon in combat
**** May not have somehow acquired rad resistance from constantly drinking nuka cola.
***** May not somehow get rich from being somehow able to make new bottlecaps, thus contributing to the wasteland economy 
****** chem perks are meant for things like psycho and buffout, not drinking soda. 

* Luck 10 is not an excuse to make bullets ricochet until they hit the target anyway
** cannot say random things and roll to see if those were luckily the right thing to say or not
*** may not roll to randomly find a plot important item in the first thing I look in
**** may not have a perk to make deus ex machinas save me from things.
***** or become Mr. Magoo or other person who causes chains of reactions while unaware of doing so
****** may not just randomly find riches and power armor I can use out of nowhere

* May not question why things like Fallout, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure or Borderlands have not been at least homebrewed for DtD yet, they're strange and funny enough to be included.

* May not question why Fallout doesn't have playable psychic powers yet through mutation, its seems like the exact nonsense that would go for a mix of pulp cheeriness and modern downsides to them existing.

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## Lord Torath

> * Luck 10 is not an excuse to make bullets ricochet until they hit the target anyway
> <snip>
> **** may not have a perk to make deus ex machinas save me from things.
> ***** or become Mr. Magoo or other person who causes chains of reactions while unaware of doing so


Counterpoint: one, two, three.

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## Rater202

*Attempts to play as Mister Magoo should not end as being Old Man Henderson.

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## Bohandas

> One word: Hirelings.
> Some people likes to see many many hirelings die horribly.


The solution I remember hearing for it was to drill down into it from the top of the hill

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## Telok

> I've played one and am playing another game of it as a tiefling vampire, first was an attempt at a gish but I learned my lesson from that and now play pure assassin, because at least with Rogue Trader psyker powers, I know how to optimize a character to safely cast spells.


Yeah, the game has some issues mixing combat and magic. Doable, but you need to be pretty specific about the builds because gish options are scarce. 

Off topic:*Spoiler*
Show


Safe casting comes down to rerolling warp crap, avoiding warp crap, or offloading it to someone else. Chosen of Tzeench makes the last one, you're safe except for the occasional daemon (more xp!). Avoidance comes down to two options, piles of rolled dice & fettered casting (eldarin+dragonkin = +2k0 all casts & high casting stats) or dropping 10s. Interestingly paragons are great safe casters once you hit level 3 & power stat 3. Drop 10s and spend pressure to make all your rolls. Rerolling has 3 options, atlantean, druid, wraithbone bionic heart. Annoy the dm by stacking all three.

The gish issue is that casting in melee provokes opportunity attacks. Even the parry & dodge spells technically provoke. The only way around it is a feat in one level 4 class. Granted, the spell-sword class is prett gish-in-a-can, but that's limiting.

Werewolf transmuter druid was pretty good. Swift change lets them swap into armor when they go war-form and the physical stat boosts are good on them. Plus the +1k1 transmutation werewolf asset & rerolling warps.

Under original rules though, squat daemonhost, take evocation as your magic, the first tech-priest level then the courtier track, snag a machinator array + power armor, tough as nails + sturdy + the squat armor & defense assets. Max wisdom & constitution, high/max willpower & charisma. You start resilience 6/7, def 30, ap 12, -6 damage from daemonhost, like 16+ hp, and the courtier track is fast advancement. Physical combat is "dull" as you just do healing surge (+5 def), free action recover the rp, then magic explode something.

Assimar vamp necromancer with wraithbone melee weapon, channel Draining Touch with a melee attack. Throw the 1/whatever asset to add your charisma as rolled damage dice on the spell. For super damage use atlantean & energy grasp instead.

Divination abuse on a hunting rifle or power attack & sword school. Basically you do atlantean-wraithbone heart-overcast Luck and use that to offset to-hit penalties from power attack and maneuvers while boosting damage. Or just massively overshoot with accurate weapons (abuse custom weapons for accurate + full auto + aim as a reaction guns).

The halfling dodge tank flamer god was harsh. Transmutation daemonhost halfling druid aiming to get dexterity to 6 & a good quality flamer, buff dex with magic. TN 35+ dex save vs flamer damage. Snag double tap and dual hand flamers if you're mean.

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## Anonymouswizard

> The solution I remember hearing for it was to drill down into it from the top of the hill


Sounds idiotic, it would have been easy for an arch-demilich to fill the bill with traps. The only foolproof way is to disintegrate the hill entirely.

* I am not allowed to run crossover campaigns until I use properties that my players have heard of.
** Both properties, so 'Mass Effect crossed with Revelation Space' is still out.
*** The Reapers are not wimps for allowing ships to get away.
**** I should admit that the inhibitors don't have a perfect track record either.
*** If I'm combining a setting with FTL travel with one where the universe literally takes offence to the conflict I should warn the players before they fire the drive.
**** Definitely not after TPK.

I didn't notice until recently that the Reapers and Inhibitors do very similar things, lurking in the starless dark to exterminate any life that gets past a certain level. They just have to deal with very different universes and the Inhibitors have a much more understandable motivation (they're trying to keep life at the planet bound level so that in a few billion years they can rearrange the galaxy and reduce the death toll from the collision with Andromeda without any major issues, but prevent a biological intelligence/artificial intelligence war by starting many).

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## danielxcutter

> Yeah, the game has some issues mixing combat and magic. Doable, but you need to be pretty specific about the builds because gish options are scarce. 
> 
> Off topic:*Spoiler*
> Show
> 
> 
> Safe casting comes down to rerolling warp crap, avoiding warp crap, or offloading it to someone else. Chosen of Tzeench makes the last one, you're safe except for the occasional daemon (more xp!). Avoidance comes down to two options, piles of rolled dice & fettered casting (eldarin+dragonkin = +2k0 all casts & high casting stats) or dropping 10s. Interestingly paragons are great safe casters once you hit level 3 & power stat 3. Drop 10s and spend pressure to make all your rolls. Rerolling has 3 options, atlantean, druid, wraithbone bionic heart. Annoy the dm by stacking all three.
> 
> The gish issue is that casting in melee provokes opportunity attacks. Even the parry & dodge spells technically provoke. The only way around it is a feat in one level 4 class. Granted, the spell-sword class is prett gish-in-a-can, but that's limiting.
> ...


Gishing is fun but I have absolutely no idea what most of that means. I'm guessing that's more WH40K than D&D in terms of mechanics?

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## Lord Raziere

> Gishing is fun but I have absolutely no idea what most of that means. I'm guessing that's more WH40K than D&D in terms of mechanics?


*Spoiler: Tangental*
Show

Yeeeeah, Dungeons the Dragoning is a frankensteinian hodgepodge of mostly Storyteller and Fantasy flight era Wh40k mechanics, with the lore of 40k, planescape, Exalted and some other sources put in a blender. spellcasting is basically "go full caster or go home", and all those builds sound too mechanics first for my taste to be interesting to me. I'm more a concept first kind of person, its why I like systems like M&M and Fate. Systems like DnD that give you so many seemingly conceptually cool options but then you actually look at how they add up and as a result the fluff gets ignored so that its torn out so that all the options are instead are used as legos to build something that from a conceptual fluff standpoint is this weird frankenstein but mechanically makes sense, which I don't like.

So when it turns out my conceptual "tiefling vampire spellsword idea" is a bad idea mechanically, it kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth.



* Cannot bling out all my equipment
** The purpose of gold and gems is to spend them for other things. not decorate my armor and weaponry so that I look like the gaudiest adventurer ever
*** firing diamond tipped bullets doesn't make them more penetrating
**** Cannot try to justify the bling by trying to make my armor so shiny it blinds my foes with the light reflected off of it as a combat advantage.

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## Eldan

> Sounds idiotic, it would have been easy for an arch-demilich to fill the bill with traps. The only foolproof way is to disintegrate the hill entirely.
> 
> * I am not allowed to run crossover campaigns until I use properties that my players have heard of.
> ** Both properties, so 'Mass Effect crossed with Revelation Space' is still out.
> *** The Reapers are not wimps for allowing ships to get away.
> **** I should admit that the inhibitors don't have a perfect track record either.
> *** If I'm combining a setting with FTL travel with one where the universe literally takes offence to the conflict I should warn the players before they fire the drive.
> **** Definitely not after TPK.
> 
> I didn't notice until recently that the Reapers and Inhibitors do very similar things, lurking in the starless dark to exterminate any life that gets past a certain level. They just have to deal with very different universes and the Inhibitors have a much more understandable motivation (they're trying to keep life at the planet bound level so that in a few billion years they can rearrange the galaxy and reduce the death toll from the collision with Andromeda without any major issues, but prevent a biological intelligence/artificial intelligence war by starting many).


Isn't Mass Effect crossed with Revelation Space just either Revelation Space with more active/human aliens, or Mass Effect with more powerful reapers?

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## Anonymouswizard

> Isn't Mass Effect crossed with Revelation Space just either Revelation Space with more active/human aliens, or Mass Effect with more powerful reapers?


Pretty much, except the Conjoiners could probably fight the Reapers to a standstill without hypermetric or Hell Class weapons. So you'd most likely lean towards the latter and set such a game post-Conjoiner Exodus.

Although you also have the Melding Plague to deal with (how common is nanotech in ME), and the relatively more advanced state of humanity in Revelation Space. Plus if we just replace the Systems Alliance with Revelation Space humanity you end up with still as ambitious, but much more divided and crazy humanity.

One that would probably prefer not to be a Citadel species, so it could continue researching what it wants to thank you very much.

----------


## danielxcutter

I looked it up on TvTropes and boy that ending sucks ass.

----------


## Rater202

> Although you also have the Melding Plague to deal with (how common is nanotech in ME)


It's pretty much just the Reapers(for making Husks) and maybe Cerebus's project Lazarus unless you go for the Synthesis ending(A sapient life in the Galaxy, including the Reapers, becomes a perfect fusion of biology and technology)

Apprently ME5 is coming back to the Milky Way instead of continuing the story in Andromeda. Gonna be interesting to see how they handle the three endings of ME3 because I'm not seeing those three endings leading into the same story either right way or centuries later.

----------


## danielxcutter

> It's pretty much just the Reapers(for making Husks) and maybe Cerebus's project Lazarus unless you go for the Synthesis ending(A sapient life in the Galaxy, including the Reapers, becomes a perfect fusion of biology and technology)
> 
> Apprently ME5 is coming back to the Milky Way instead of continuing the story in Andromeda. Gonna be interesting to see how they handle the three endings of ME3 because I'm not seeing those three endings leading into the same story either right way or centuries later.


Weren't ME3's endings all essentially the same except for color? Also what happened to ME4?

----------


## Rater202

> Weren't ME3's endings all essentially the same except for color? Also what happened to ME4?


They released a DLC that showed the actual consequences of the choices.

In short, the Destroy ending destroys all th e reapers but also the Geth if they're still around and any other AI or advanced VI.

The control ending Has Shepard merge himself with the consciousness controlling the Rapers and assume direct control, essentially using them to police the Galaxy.

The synthesis ending combines Shepard's cybernetics with reaper technology to upgrade all sapient races into highly advanced cyborgs(which also gives the Geth and other Synthetic beings a prior understanding of Organic PoVs) and brings peace between the Reapers.

synthesis is treated as the best ending, but there was very little foreshadowing for it as an option and previous attempts at Synthesis between synthetics and organics had been shown as failures. I've heard it suggested that Andromeda's plot was partially to rectify this.

And I'm counting Andromeda as 4 because it's the fourth main game.

----------


## danielxcutter

> They released a DLC that showed the actual consequences of the choices.
> 
> In short, the Destroy ending destroys all th e reapers but also the Geth if they're still around and any other AI or advanced VI.
> 
> The control ending Has Shepard merge himself with the consciousness controlling the Reapers and assume direct control, essentially using them to police the Galaxy.
> 
> The synthesis ending combines Shepard's cybernetics with reaper technology to upgrade all sapient races into highly advanced cyborgs(which also gives the Geth and other Synthetic beings a prior understanding of Organic PoVs) and brings peace between the Reapers.
> 
> synthesis is treated as the best ending, but there was very little foreshadowing for it as an option and previous attempts at Synthesis between synthetics and organics had been shown as failures. I've heard it suggested that Andromeda's plot was partially to rectify this.
> ...


Ah, right. I heard that the DLC came out because people complained about the endings in the base game being crap though. I've also heard something about executive meddling changing the direction of the plot and the Reapers' motivations?

Incidentally, is Synthesis is the "canon" ending?

----------


## Rater202

> Ah, right. I heard that the DLC came out because people complained about the endings in the base game being crap though. I've also heard something about executive meddling changing the direction of the plot and the Reapers' motivations?
> 
> Incidentally, is Synthesis is the "canon" ending?


We'll have to wait and see.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I looked it up on TvTropes and boy that ending sucks ass.


While I've not read the short story where it goes into more detail, in the main Tillich the presentation makes it work. Humanity is now on the run forever, but it has a long future ahead of itself.




> It's pretty much just the Reapers(for making Husks) and maybe Cerebus's project Lazarus unless you go for the Synthesis ending(A sapient life in the Galaxy, including the Reapers, becomes a perfect fusion of biology and technology)
> 
> Apprently ME5 is coming back to the Milky Way instead of continuing the story in Andromeda. Gonna be interesting to see how they handle the three endings of ME3 because I'm not seeing those three endings leading into the same story either right way or centuries later.


Yeah, sadly that probably means the Melding Plague is basically nothing. I'd have thought that at least the Salarians have something.

Also give me two hours and I could come up with a brief that could come sheet either Synthesis of Destroy. You'd have it ambiguous as to whether the bio/tech state was the result of picking pastachio ice cream or just the result of hundreds of years, keep the Reapers and Geth away from the plot, and include elements that would point to contradictory choices.

----------


## danielxcutter

> While I've not read the short story where it goes into more detail, in the main Tillich the presentation makes it work. Humanity is now on the run forever, but it has a long future ahead of itself.


I was talking about the end of the series. Big oof.

----------


## Eldan

Tech comparison between Revelation Space and Mass Effect are interesting. On the one Hand, any of the Conjoiners, Demarchy or Ultras are miles ahead in AI, Chemistry, Medicine, Genetics, Nanotech, Engineering, Industry, Cybernetics, Computing power, pure Energy Output and _especially_ planet-scale Doomsday Weapons, but the Systems Alliance has FTL, which is the great equalizer. For all their tech, lighthuggers still measure travel times between systems in years and decades.

So, while humanity in RS is infinitely more factionalized and fractured, that is probably in a large part _because_ they can't jump between systems in hours, so a lot of local cultures can develop. There probably wouldn't quite be a clustertruck like Resurgam in Systems Alliance space.

----------


## danielxcutter

> Tech comparison between Revelation Space and Mass Effect are interesting. On the one Hand, any of the Conjoiners, Demarchy or Ultras are miles ahead in AI, Chemistry, Medicine, Genetics, Nanotech, Engineering, Industry, Cybernetics, Computing power, pure Energy Output and _especially_ planet-scale Doomsday Weapons, but the Systems Alliance has FTL, which is the great equalizer. For all their tech, lighthuggers still measure travel times between systems in years and decades.
> 
> So, while humanity in RS is infinitely more factionalized and fractured, that is probably in a large part _because_ they can't jump between systems in hours, so a lot of local cultures can develop. There probably wouldn't quite be a clustertruck like Resurgam in Systems Alliance space.


Apparently FTL doesn't work in RS? How does interstellar travel even work?

----------


## Taevyr

> .
> ***** May not somehow get rich from being somehow able to make new bottlecaps, thus contributing to the wasteland economy


And that's how counterfeit law was returned to the wasteland: inflation never changes.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I was talking about the end of the series. Big oof.


So was I. The presentation in the trilogy is relatively uplifting, but it's brief compared to the treatment in Galactic North 




> Apparently FTL doesn't work in RS? How does interstellar travel even work?


It doesn't. The universe takes offence and retroactively kills you. At the very least if you try doing it via inertia manipulation, the only method tried in the series.

Interstellar travel is sublight. Human starships are four kilometre* long cones (to deal with drag from interstellar hydrogen) covered in ice, with two spurs a kilometre from the end (which then tapers to a point) each with an engine attached. These engines invoice such a powerful energy source that they throw remass out at practically the speed of light, allowing practically constant adventuresome at 1g. Cue near-light travel, hence the name Lighthugger.

Basically, brute force and it's incredibly uncasual for a space opera. Most Lighthuggers are falling apart, take subjective years and occasionally objective decades to get anywhere, and the Conjoiners have stopped building the bloody things and won't give anybody else the plans.

* With one half sized exception.

----------


## Telok

> So when it turns out my conceptual "tiefling vampire spellsword idea" is a bad idea mechanically, it kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth.


I think it mostly depends on what a person's interpretation of the gish concept is and how limited you are to the original spells (a number of them are pretty trash). And build stubs always sound mechanical without a character on them.

On topic:
* Pretty certain I won't be allowed to use "electric unicorn fruity cereal bones coffee" as a character concept in just about any game.
** Does not mean I should make npcs & orgs out of it next time I run a game.

----------


## Rater202

*Homestuck trolls are not an option in Dungeons the Dragoning.
**I can't be a double vampire by being a Jadeblood Rainbow Drinker with the Vampire Exaltation.
***Being a JAdeblood does not make me impervious to sunlight by default as a vampire.
****Sburb/Sgrub classspects are not an Exaltation.
*****Do you have any idea how much work that would entail?

----------


## Eldan

> So was I. The presentation in the trilogy is relatively uplifting, but it's brief compared to the treatment in Galactic North 
> 
> 
> 
> It doesn't. The universe takes offence and retroactively kills you. At the very least if you try doing it via inertia manipulation, the only method tried in the series.
> 
> Interstellar travel is sublight. Human starships are four kilometre* long cones (to deal with drag from interstellar hydrogen) covered in ice, with two spurs a kilometre from the end (which then tapers to a point) each with an engine attached. These engines invoice such a powerful energy source that they throw remass out at practically the speed of light, allowing practically constant adventuresome at 1g. Cue near-light travel, hence the name Lighthugger.
> 
> Basically, brute force and it's incredibly uncasual for a space opera. Most Lighthuggers are falling apart, take subjective years and occasionally objective decades to get anywhere, and the Conjoiners have stopped building the bloody things and won't give anybody else the plans.
> ...


Reynolds is also an astrophycisist, so he applies relativity quite consistently. A journey that takes a decade or two of "outside" time may only take a few years "ship" time. 

This has the interesting side effect that ship crews (who don't go into cryosleep like their passengers do) have become their own isolated culture, the Ultras. Many of them are several centuries old in planetside time and basically never leave their mostly empty ships.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> *Homestuck trolls are not an option in Dungeons the Dragoning.
> **I can't be a double vampire by being a Jadeblood Rainbow Drinker with the Vampire Exaltation.
> ***Being a JAdeblood does not make me impervious to sunlight by default as a vampire.
> ****Sburb/Sgrub classspects are not an Exaltation.
> *****Do you have any idea how much work that would entail?


* Especially since we don't even know what most Classpects even do, unless we go deep into fan extrapolation/theorizing. 
** Any system that requires people to watch optimisticduelist videos to understand the powersets is probably not going to work
*** Good luck trying to explain to people how the Rage Aspect is more than just Rage
**** or all the things the Light Aspect actually represents or is connected to
***** Or what Void is about
****** or explain the Doom or Blood Aspects, given that they are two aspects we see the least of. 
******* Of course whats arguably even more confusing is the Classes and the whole passive/active thing that may or may not be accurate, especially the Bard class, which is NOT like DnD bards. 
******** Or that the abilities can vary widely depending on the classpect combination
********* And how all this only works in the context of being a teenager who needs undergo an arc to grow up.

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## Rater202

As far as I understand it, the blood Aspect is about connections. Karkat, as the Knight of Blood, arms himself with connections between people: It is explicitly noted that he's actually a pretty competent leader because any other leader would have resulted in everyone killing each other much sooner instead of only after getting effectively screwed out of their victory, then spending an extended period of time having difficult sleep and the one psycho running out of meds.

It's also important to note that he managed to befriend the Jack Noir of his session, the one who became Spades Slick, when all other incarnations of Jack were antagonists...

Breath is also about connections, but not to the same degree. Aspects seem to have a degree of overlap.

I kind of want to know what a Prince or Bard of Blood would be. It'd basically boil down to "destroy a friendship or destroy _with_ friendship."

----------


## Lord Raziere

*Spoiler: Homestuck tangent*
Show

Yeah, about that, fan theories I've seen agree that Jack Noir would be a Prince of Blood, since genocide using the Red Miles is the basically the biggest destruction of unity and connections one could possibly do. Its red, it severs a lot of connections at once, it often leads bleeding corpses...it fits.

like we have to remember that an Aspect is often dual-natured: its not just the presence of the aspect, but the negative 
side of it or absence of it, and as well as the literal manifestation of it. Blood could mean connections....or the severing or ending of them by making one bleed on the ground. It could also meant he end of friendships metaphorically which Jack Noir also does a lot. its not as if he friendly with a lot of people. Aspects are very holistic and up in the air, and really the best way to represent them would be some system like Nobilis.


Speaking of Nobilis:
* Estate of "DC Universe" does not have properties of "(1) DC Universe Retcons things, (2) DC Universe is driven to bring morality and heroism, (3) DC Universe makes things overpowered."
** Estate of "Marvel Universe" does not have the properties of "(1) Marvel Universe makes underdog heroes, (2) Marvel Universe creates secret conspiracies from nowhere (3) Marvel Universe makes great films"
*** The estate of "Hulk" may not only be "(1) Hulk Smash"
**** The Estate of Dragonball does not have the properties of "(1) Dragon Ball creates new superforms from nowhere (2) Dragon Ball cheaply brings back the dead (3) Dragon Ball is obsessed with fighting and is dumb fun"
***** The Estate of Firefly may not have the property of "(1) Firefly only lasts for one season."
****** Can't have an Estate of a particular franchise

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Reynolds is also an astrophycisist, so he applies relativity quite consistently. A journey that takes a decade or two of "outside" time may only take a few years "ship" time. 
> 
> This has the interesting side effect that ship crews (who don't go into cryosleep like their passengers do) have become their own isolated culture, the Ultras. Many of them are several centuries old in planetside time and basically never leave their mostly empty ships.


You're forgetting the Skyjacks. Everybody forgets the other space based culture in that universe. Probably because they show up so rarely.

And yeah, he's ex-ESA, as I remember his star map and travel distances are incredibly accurate, relativity is consistently obeyed, and I think any time orbital dynamics comes up he's spot on as well. Also, while I disagree on the possibility of some technology, he has apparently included nothing he thought was impossible at time of submission.

Lighthuggers are also, as I remember, incredibly expensive to build even if the other cultures could and would build Conjoiner Drives, and even with their automated repair systems require a small army of engineers but to fall apart. The Nostalgia for Infinity's problems were caused as much by a lack of crew as everything else.

----------


## Eldan

Do other lighthuggers have more crew? I don't think the other few that showed up had more than a handful of crewmembers left either.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Do other lighthuggers have more crew? I don't think the other few that showed up had more than a handful of crewmembers left either.


The Nostalgia for Infinity's had at the beginning of the series four crew members, and is pretty much the only ultra ship we get hard numbers on. But in Aurora Rising a Lighthugger captain mentions that he doesn't meet new crew members but just gives them the Blood and Thinner speech over the intercom, meaning that we have at least enough crew in what seems to be a relatively normal Lighthugger for at least one layer of management. A small army might be an overstatement, but there's a significant number. I'd guess at 50-500 depending on the ship.

----------


## Eldan

Huh. Apparently, there's a Revelation Space story I haven't read? I don't think I know Aurora Rising.

Edit: Oh, apparently, The Prefect was renamed.

----------


## Bohandas

*Sells-Auto-Insurance is not a proper Argonian name
**Neither is Saves-Fifteen-Percent

----------


## Telok

Add to the "probably not allowed but it'd be fun" list...

Mecha-treant cyber-druid that gains power from being on fire, with Monty Python bunny animal companion.

Chosen of Malal assimar paladin dual wielding full auto grenade launchers and has replenishing minion allies to include in the AoE.

Dodge-tank wolf(were-halfling) rigger remoting a wave motion cannon armed zeppelin at a 1.5 km stand-off.

Incorporeal invisible flying kenku sniper-bard with laz cannon, void shield, and punk rock band.

"Too sexy for my pants" dark eldarin charisma seduction enchanter-starship captain.

----------


## noob

> Chosen of Malal assimar paladin dual wielding full auto grenade launchers and has replenishing minion allies to include in the AoE.


Seems doable even in dnd 3.5.

----------


## Rater202

*There's a difference between being weak-minded and being stupid/incompetent.
**Therefore, I cannot mindtrick the Citadel council,

----------


## Lord Raziere

* The Estate of Bethesda does not the properties of "(1) Bethesda just works (2) Bethesda sells Skyrim Again (3) Bethesda gives endless loot. (4) Bethesda glitches anything it touches."
** The Estate of EA does not have properties like "EA Destroys Hopes/Dreams" or "EA seeks only profit"
*** The Estate of The Worst does not have properties of "(1) The Worst summons others to solve things better than themselves (2) The Worst ruins everything. (3) The Worst wears down your faith in humanity."
**** There is no Estate of Nothing, nothingness is Excrucians
***** My Excrucian's pState cannot be replicating the Skyrim alchemy infinite loop exploit and be entitled "Potions I Make..."

----------


## danielxcutter

> * The Estate of Bethesda does not the properties of "(1) Bethesda just works (2) Bethesda sells Skyrim Again (3) Bethesda gives endless loot. (4) Bethesda glitches anything it touches."
> ** The Estate of EA does not have properties like "EA Destroys Hopes/Dreams" or "EA seeks only profit"
> *** The Estate of The Worst does not have properties of "(1) The Worst summons others to solve things better than themselves (2) The Worst ruins everything. (3) The Worst wears down your faith in humanity."
> **** There is no Estate of Nothing, nothingness is Excrucians
> ***** My Excrucian's pState cannot be replicating the Skyrim alchemy infinite loop exploit and be entitled "Potions I Make..."


Which game system is this?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Which game system is this?


While I don't own the system, the terms make me think it's Nobilis, where you play god's with powers over thematic aspects of reality (Estates) and fight against evil things that want to destroy or the world. As a massive simplification born of my 'heard of it, but played it' experience.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> Which game system is this?


Nobilis. Its a system where you play people called the Nobilis, who are basically humans granted the power of Imperators which are basically living principles/spirits of reality such as "Beauty", "Fire", "Death", "Tacos", "Backsies" anything you could think of, there is an Imperator of it with an Estate that governs it, much like a divine domain and Nobilis are humans are empowered with the Estates to fight Excrucians, who are basically people from the void come to destroy reality because they think reality is more beautiful when all the unnecessary parts of it are gone. Its really metaphysical, surreal, conceptual and out there, as its all about mythical reality warping kind of shenanigans. Its a game made by Jenna Moran, so expect that kind of weirdness and that it might take you a while to understand it if you try to get into it.

* May not try to explain Jenna Moran games
** Especially when while I have the PDF's, I haven't read that stuff in a while
*** Attempting to reread Chuubo's Marvelous Wish-Granting Engine will probably an exercise in "Wait how does the arc stuff work again?"
**** Except The Ace, that one I remember because its basically "The Hero Arc" and thus the easiest to remember.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I can't have more game proposals than members of the group.
** At least one of my game proposals should use a system the group has heard of.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* may not claim that a US version of WH40k would just be Fallout and/or Bioshock in Space
** or Outer Worlds given more time
*** Speaking of which, may not try to make a crossover of those three universes and name it the "Mega-Corps are Evilverse"
**** Fallout counts because Vault Tec, Robco and Nuka Cola.
***** But wait isn't that just cyberpunk?
****** May not claim that these three universes are better the punk genre than most stuff that just copies the cyberpunk aesthetic.

----------


## Rater202

*My Superhero Origin can't be "kidnapped a bunch of evil/criminal supersoldiers and transfused their blood into myself to become a composite supersoldier."
**Becuase it doesn't matter that they're bad people, kidnapping someone to steal their powers is still a supervillain origin.
***It doesn't matter that I only did it because my daughter desperately needed a bone marrow transplant from a supersoldier in order to beat a terminal genetic illness and I wanted to make sure she could get the best possible sample.
****It's my own damn fault if one o the criminal super-soldiers bosses kidnapped my daughter after the procedure to use her to mass-produce super soldiers.
*****Okay, fine, I can go at this like a combination of John Wick and the Dad from Taken, but still, none of this would have happened if I'd just left the superpowered criminals alone.

----------


## Eldan

> * I can't have more game proposals than members of the group.
> ** At least one of my game proposals should use a system the group has heard of.


***My game proposal may not contain three different systems, only one of which anyone other than me knows anything about. 

(aka no one wanted to play in my game of "How about Everyone is John, but using FATE rules and also it's Disco Elysium")

----------


## Lord Raziere

> *My Superhero Origin can't be "kidnapped a bunch of evil/criminal supersoldiers and transfused their blood into myself to become a composite supersoldier."
> **Becuase it doesn't matter that they're bad people, kidnapping someone to steal their powers is still a supervillain origin.
> ***It doesn't matter that I only did it because my daughter desperately needed a bone marrow transplant from a supersoldier in order to beat a terminal genetic illness and I wanted to make sure she could get the best possible sample.
> ****It's my own damn fault if one o the criminal super-soldiers bosses kidnapped my daughter after the procedure to use her to mass-produce super soldiers.
> *****Okay, fine, I can go at this like a combination of John Wick and the Dad from Taken, but still, none of this would have happened if I'd just left the superpowered criminals alone.


* my superhero origin cannot be "redeemed supervillain" on a Doctor Doom Expy
** cannot utter the phrase "Good plan to save the world, mueeheheheeheheheeehehee!"

* My superhero origin may not be "I'm an assassin who has decided to only kill evil people" 
** the assassins procedures may not include things like "destroy the villains soul after disintegrating their body so that they cannot resurrect by making a deal with demons or by being cloned, then check all alternate timelines to make sure no counterparts spring up"
*** Yes we are well aware of how often villains come back from death and why these precautions are necessary in response to Superman pointing out just killing a villain doesn't work because of things like that, you still can't do them
**** May not be so incredibly paranoid that I call Batman "inadequately prepared".
***** My response to knowing of either the Presence or One Above All's existence and the role they play in the universe may not be to try to go back and assassinate them before they invent the concept of suffering so that it never even occurs as an idea in the first place.  

* My superheroes power may not "temporarily become a foil or dark reflection of some other hero and their powers  as a form of imperfect mimicry"

* may not attempt to de-genetics superpowers away from things like X-Men using drugs that temporarily grant superpowers on a prescription but are potentially addictive.

----------


## Rater202

> * may not attempt to de-genetics superpowers away from things like X-Men using drugs that temporarily grant superpowers on a prescription but are potentially addictive.


I mean, that's already a thing.

DC had a hero way back when called Hourman, who used a drug called "miraclo" that gave him superpowers for an hour per dose but that he eventually became addicted to(When his son succeeded him as Hourman, he was initially horrified because he didn't want his son to struggle with dependency on the drug.)

And Bane's drug 'venom' was originally used by Batman himself to boost his physical abilities. He stopped using it because he became addicted to it and the dependency on it and the withdrawal symptoms were making him worse off than he was without the drug so he got rid of his stash and locked himself in the Batcave until he'd gotten past the worst of the withdrawal and the last traces of the drug had left his system.

Note: It was eventually established that venom was a derivative drug based on miraclo.

Then there's Elongated man, who gained his powers of stretching and super flexibility by overdosing on gingold extract and has to regularly drink a soda made with the same extract in order to maintain his powers, which isn't technically or drug or an addiction, but the thematic are there.

The New 52 version of Ultraman, an evil superman from an alternate dimension, instead of having superpowers as a natural facit of his biology feed by sunlight, gets his powers by grinding kryptonite into a fine powder and smoking it.

Pym Particles are treated as a drug in the Comics. While not addictive, prolonged excessive use of them can cause pre-existing mental illnesses(such as Hank Pym's bipolar disorder) to become worse. How much counts as "prolonged and excessive" varies from person to person, but it's usually around the point where the your body starts producing the drug on ti's own, which was years for Hank but only a few weeks for his daughter Nadia.

And in the _Kick-Ass_ Comics, Hit-Girl's "emergency super serum" is literally just a solution of cocaine, though admittedly citing _Kick-Ass_ is a bit of a stretch.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ***My game proposal may not contain three different systems, only one of which anyone other than me knows anything about. 
> 
> (aka no one wanted to play in my game of "How about Everyone is John, but using FATE rules and also it's Disco Elysium")


Darn you, now I want to play Everyone is The Detective.

I would be Unflappable Politeness. See the suspects crumble before my unchanging tone!

----------


## Eldan

If I played, I'd want to ham it up as much as possible, because I think at least two of my other regular co-players would Play something subdued, like logic or reason or perception. I'd be Pure Id, played roughly between Electrochemistry and the garish Necktie.

----------


## Rater202

*Cannot play as a polyamorous telepath who has permanently formed powerful psionic bonds with their various loves and they all voluntarily live as a collective.
**Especially if they're all different species of sapient alien.
***Especially if this is a crossover game and each alien is from a different franchise.
****Especially if one of them is a cybertronian that took The Normandy as her alt mode and the rest of the collective lives inside her.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> *Cannot play as a polyamorous telepath who has permanently formed powerful psionic bonds with their various loves and they all voluntarily live as a collective.


** Mainly because it's bad form to steal Anonymouswizard's life goals, he is not subtle but is quick to anger.




> ****Especially if one of them is a cybertronian that took The Normandy as her alt mode and the rest of the collective lives inside her.


Ah, the long desired EDI romance option.

Tad off topic, but I want more poly representation in computer games. Not 'let me boink everybody', but let's have some 'çommitted relationship' options that aren't mutually exclusive.

Like, while ShepherdxGarrus is clearly the only canon relationship in that series, I wouldn't mind if there was also some Talibrations going on. It's more work I know, but not every romance has to be poly-compatible.

----------


## Rater202

> Like, while ShepherdxGarrus is clearly the only canon relationship in that series, I wouldn't mind if there was also some Talibrations going on. It's more work I know, but not every romance has to be poly-compatible.


Apparently, if you're playing Femshep in a relationship with Garrus and do work to keep Tali alive and maintain her loyalty, in the Party during the Citadel DLC in ME3 late in the night you can find a drunk Tali in the bathroom and if you hang out there long enough listening to her babble she starts fantasizing about Garrus propositioning her for a threeway with Shepard, so...

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Apparently, if you're playing Femshep in a relationship with Garrus and do work to keep Tali alive and maintain her loyalty, in the Party during the Citadel DLC in ME3 late in the night you can find a drunk Tali in the bathroom and if you hang out there long enough listening to her babble she starts fantasizing about Garrus propositioning her for a threeway with Shepard, so...


Can I talk to a sober Tali about it? Because while it's great that at least one character has such fantasies I'd still like to see actual representation.

----------


## Rater202

> Can I talk to a sober Tali about it? Because while it's great that at least one character has such fantasies I'd still like to see actual representation.


No, but you also don't get to tell Cerberus to go **** themselves, bring up the fact that they are personally responsible for the Massacre on Akuze when they ask you about it, if you're a Sole Survivor Shep, point out how fricking stupid it is to assume that The conuit is a distraction when Sare's entire plan up to that point has been about finding it, in general call out the Council on their stupidity and pointless dickery, point out that Cerberus stole your body and reanimated you with experimental tech when people assume that you faked your death and ran off to work with terrorists, or in general do lots of things that would make sense to do.

I know that videogames can't plan for everything, but the Mass Effect series seems to have lot of missed opportunities.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> No, but you also don't get to tell Cerberus to go **** themselves, bring up the fact that they are personally responsible for the Massacre on Akuze when they ask you about it, if you're a Sole Survivor Shep, point out how fricking stupid it is to assume that The conduit is a distraction when Sare's entire plan up to that point has been about finding it, in general call out the Council on their stupidity and pointless dickery, point out that Cerberus stole your body and reanimated you with experimental tech when people assume that you faked your death and ran off to work with terrorists, or in general do lots of things that would make sense to do.
> 
> I know that videogames can't plan for everything, but the Mass Effect series seems to have lot of missed opportunities.


*Spoiler: Mass effect Tangent*
Show

Yeah, you'd think a Renegade Shepard in ME1 would have those options towards the Council, or the option to literally reject Cerberuses help and steal the second Normandy for themselves, but apparently the lead writer for ME1 was replaced in ME2 and the person who made that thought Cerberus was cool for some reason? Renegade in general seems shafted, because while there is good enough reason to act like a renegade due what some of the authorities do, the options you get aren't exactly the best options they could've picked. like ME2, looking back on it was a bit of a railroad with its premise. But yeah, if Mass Effect had New Vegas form of story choices you could probably do stuff like find the Conduit early if you knew how to decipher the message without going through the story get it and have the final battle on Virmire already knowing what his plan is having already disabled his whole "manually activate the Citadel" plan in advance, or have a quest to kill the Council yourself, blame Saren, put the humans in charge immediately, receive a lot more resources to finding and stopping Saren and finding out the whole Reaper thing faster....but then have to deal with the fallout of doing so when the secret inevitably slips out thus provoking a war between humanity and the Citadel races that you have to stop...

or how in ME2, if with New Vegas style options, you'd be able to reject his offer, take the Normandy for yourself, get rid of the branding, hunt Illusive Man down and kill him in revenge for Akuze, and it would still allow you to go hunting for the Collectors with some other faction like Anderson, the Salarians or the Asari afterwards, or in Omega you could probably just immediately kill Aria and she'd have some note on her corpse for the information you need and you could just kill all her minions too. Or if your paragon, you could simply find out Cerberuses location information, then sell them out to the Council to be a Spectre again, thus taking cerberus of the equation early, then show Jacob and Miranda why Cerberus was always a bad idea. tons of options like that. and don't tell me it can't be done: Fallout New Vegas was made in 18 months. I doubt the Mass effect games got that short a timespan to make their games.



* My GMing tips cannot be "learn how to not railroad from New Vegas"
** All my NPC's don't have notes that conveniently lead you to what you need to do next in case you kill them and take it off their corpse.
*** May not have plans for how to continue the game's conflict no matter how many specific people you kill.

----------


## Telok

> *** May not have plans for how to continue the game's conflict no matter how many specific people you kill.


Must... resist... urge... make...

* Should not make a BBEG that sends minions with "clues" to attack adventurers, leading to the adventurers clearing the path to power for said BBEG.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> * Should not make a BBEG that sends minions with "clues" to attack adventurers, leading to the adventurers clearing the path to power for said BBEG.


** Upon realising this, the correct response is not to negotiate a share in the profits.

* There are situations where the mass battle rules are appropriate, this is not one of those times.

* Must stop pointing out the situations where a social conflict system would be really useful, like if a PC stands in an election.

Sadly not happened, but I do really want to ruin a game where PCs running for political positions is a legitimate strategy. Sadly I don't own many games with proper debating systems, Burning Wheel might be the only one I have. Most games I have with social conflict systems seen to focus on convincing the other person, not a third party.

----------


## danielxcutter

> Sadly not happened, but I do really want to *ruin* a game where PCs running for political positions is a legitimate strategy.


Errrrr.....

----------


## Rater202

*May not use anti-air rocket launching turrets as though they were sniper nests.

----------


## Tvtyrant

> Errrrr.....


It's not a typo, it is a feature!

----------


## Anonymouswizard

Y'all assuming I'm not planning to ruin the game via an election.

----------


## WindStruck

* I may not roll up an epic level half-minotaur, half-aasimar, troll-blooded, fey-touched, demonic, cybernetic, half-construct, dragonborn quintuplestalt paragon paladin//ninja//wizard//truenamer//whathaveyou.

**And I may not even ask for games containing such characters to be played.

----------


## danielxcutter

Theres a good chance that character only has like five class levels due to the template stacking you know.

----------


## Telok

* Despite the 2 year old child having dinosaur pajamas and being bribeable with sugar-free mints, I may not put the party up against Godzilla just because I have a "mini" to put on the battle mat.

** Not even if I give Godzilla stats.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Cats do inflict an INT penalry on all nearby humans.
** No, the group agrees, it's just me who gets one.
*** I must stop trying to feed tuna steak to the GM's pet.

----------


## noob

> * Despite the 2 year old child having dinosaur pajamas and being bribeable with sugar-free mints, I may not put the party up against Godzilla just because I have a "mini" to put on the battle mat.
> 
> ** Not even if I give Godzilla stats.


"Godzilla does not have a 5 line stat block including "if it is not aspirin it is immune to it" nor should it include "the lazer it fires with its mouth destroys anything it hits unless it is a giant monster that is hit in which case it still suffers horribly" and it should not have "godzilla does grapples and maul at random the closest giant creature or buildings".
**No I may not call oxygen killer aspirin.

----------


## Telok

> "Godzilla does not have a 5 line stat block including "if it is not aspirin it is immune to it" nor should it include "the lazer it fires with its mouth destroys anything it hits unless it is a giant monster that is hit in which case it still suffers horribly" and it should not have "godzilla does grapples and maul at random the closest giant creature or buildings".
> **No I may not call oxygen killer aspirin.


Hey now, the Super-X took a number of direct hits over at least two films and the crews never suffered anything but off-screen cancer.

----------


## Rater202

*There is no conceivable way that enough chlorine trifluoride to cause an explosion equivalent in size to a 50 kiloton nuclear weapon can be stuffed into a shell for a man-portable weapon.
**Even if I _can_ survive the blast.

----------


## danielxcutter

> *There is no conceivable way that enough chlorine trifluoride to cause an explosion equivalent in size to a 50 kiloton nuclear weapon can be stuffed into a shell for a man-portable weapon.
> **Even if I _can_ survive the blast.


How big is 50 kilotons again? And I presume as scary chlorine trifluoride would be, it's still not nuclear-tier scary?

----------


## Lord Torath

> How big is 50 kilotons again? And I presume as scary chlorine trifluoride would be, it's still not nuclear-tier scary?


A 50 kiloton yield is equal to 50 million kg of TNT.

----------


## danielxcutter

> A 50 kiloton yield is equal to 50 million kg of TNT.


Well that's big, but it's so big it's hard to wrap my head around it.

----------


## Rater202

> How big is 50 kilotons again? And I presume as scary chlorine trifluoride would be, it's still not nuclear-tier scary?


The bomb dropped on Nagasaki was 21 kilotons, so lowball estimate would put the damage radius at about 19047.6 feet away from the point of detonation, or 38095.2 feet across.

So about 41 square miles, rounding up. Or 106.19 square kilometers, if you prefer.

Chlorine trifluoride can burn sand, water, asbestos, concrete, brick, and ash. It reacts explosively with water, oxidizes better than oxygen, and unless I'm mistaken its burning creates toxic byproducts capable of cause severe chemical burns, permanent brain damage, bone jellification, and death so if the fire doesn't kill you...

This is a "screw everything in this general area" type weapon.

----------


## danielxcutter

> The bomb dropped on Nagasaki was 21 kilotons, so lowball estimate would put the damage radius at about 19047.6 feet away from the point of detonation, or 38095.2 feet across.
> 
> So about 41 square miles, rounding up. Or 106.19 square kilometers, if you prefer.
> 
> Chlorine trifluoride can burn sand, water, asbestos, concrete, brick, and ash. It reacts explosively with water, oxidizes better than oxygen, and unless I'm mistaken its burning creates toxic byproducts capable of cause severe chemical burns, permanent brain damage, bone jellification, and death so if the fire doesn't kill you...
> 
> This is a "screw everything in this general area" type weapon.


So, is that more nasty than nuclear fallout or not then? I imagine it'd just be easier to make a 50 kiloton nuke than a 50 kiloton chlorine trifluroide bomb, and not just because of how hard making the bomb only exploding when you want it to.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* Fallout: Chlorine Trifluoride will never catch on

* My Fallout game cannot have the continents south of the equator relatively fine compared to the continents north of the equator
** especially not to the point where Brazil has somehow become a powerful empire greater than the NCR.
*** Brazil cannot attack with tamed mutated animals from the amazon which has somehow both survived and become a deadly superjungle.
**** Australia may not somehow be worse than how Australia already is.
***** the idea of Fallout of the Caribbean will never catch on
****** especially since it involves pirates sailing the seas wielding rippers and speaking in stereotypical pirate accents despite being dressed like raiders and plundering mostly soda.
******* My character may not be a hyper-intelligent deathclaw
******** Texa may not return as the Lone Star Empire, and it may not seek the Alamo because its descendants have long forgotten what that is and think "Remember the Alamo" is a phrase to make sure to seek out some hidden lost paradise without radiation.

----------


## TeChameleon

> So, is that more nasty than nuclear fallout or not then? I imagine it'd just be easier to make a 50 kiloton nuke than a 50 kiloton chlorine trifluroide bomb, and not just because of how hard making the bomb only exploding when you want it to.


Considering that the most ever ClF3 known to have been made is between 30 and 50 metric tonnes (at which point _Nazi Germany_ decided "Yeah, this stuff is too dangerous and uncontrollable."), making a thousand times that is likely to be iffy at best.

And based on my limited understanding, nuclear fallout lasts a lot longer and is a lot weirder, but in the short term, pretty much everything in the general vicinity of a major chlorine trifluoride incident is so far beyond screwed that it's not even funny.  The government-issue safe-handling guidelines are literally 'in case of incident, run away' (albeit in more bureaucratic language).

----------


## Morphic tide

> Considering that the most ever ClF3 known to have been made is between 30 and 50 metric tonnes (at which point _Nazi Germany_ decided "Yeah, this stuff is too dangerous and uncontrollable."), making a thousand times that is likely to be iffy at best.
> 
> And based on my limited understanding, nuclear fallout lasts a lot longer and is a lot weirder, but in the short term, pretty much everything in the general vicinity of a major chlorine trifluoride incident is so far beyond screwed that it's not even funny.  The government-issue safe-handling guidelines are literally 'in case of incident, run away' (albeit in more bureaucratic language).


Fifty kiloton as in blast yield TNT equivalent, though ClF3 is specifically not useful for this because it is an oxidizer rather than a combustible. You'd be building a weird inversion of a thermobaric device where you're trying to aerosolize stuff that causes things to burst into flame in a fashion that will lead to an actual detonation which... Just isn't really a thing. You'd be _way_ better off crop-dusting with it, go ahead and openly rub in the massive fluorine fires.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Any plan which involves my mind ending up in one of Giger's Xenomorphs is a bad plan.
** As is any backstory which contains such an event.
*** Yes, even in a supers game.

----------


## ideasmith

* When designing a game, may not use 'foe number' as a game term.

----------


## TeChameleon

> Fifty kiloton as in blast yield TNT equivalent, though ClF3 is specifically not useful for this because it is an oxidizer rather than a combustible. You'd be building a weird inversion of a thermobaric device where you're trying to aerosolize stuff that causes things to burst into flame in a fashion that will lead to an actual detonation which... Just isn't really a thing. You'd be _way_ better off crop-dusting with it, go ahead and openly rub in the massive fluorine fires.


Not sure if I'm missing something, here (honestly asking), but ClF3 was under consideration as a rocket fuel, which means that it has some kind of 'bang' to it, no?  I've posted this video before, and it looks like it's exploding with considerable force, given that I'm pretty sure it's only a few drops each time.

That being said, chlorine trifluoride is some of the nastiest crap I've ever heard of- if it doesn't set you on fire, dissolve you, poison you, stop your heart, or whatever else... it's also at least moderately carcinogenic.

All that aside...

* I am no longer allowed to abuse *Mass Suggestion*
** Removing targets' object permanence and then casting *Darkness* is abusing *Mass Suggestion*.

* Casting *Maze* on a target, then creating a portal in the target's space that leads to a private demiplane that is an exact duplicate of the maze is no longer allowed.
** Having an illusion of a third identical maze covering the demiplane is just mean.
*** No, the object of the game is not to traumatize elder evils in as creative a fashion as possible.

* While using a combination nearly two dozen bags of holding full of water, mechanical traps to invert them, and a *Resilient Sphere* to smash an enemy to jelly with water pressure is _technically_ a solution, it's a long way to go for a pun.

----------


## Morphic tide

> Not sure if I'm missing something, here (honestly asking), but ClF3 was under consideration as a rocket fuel, which means that it has some kind of 'bang' to it, no?  I've posted this video before, and it looks like it's exploding with considerable force, given that I'm pretty sure it's only a few drops each time.


You actually _don't_ want "bang" from your rocket fuel, makes optimizing the reaction rate a much more complicated process. Rocket fuel deflagrates, which is to say it burns quickly to produce high pressure and temperature gasses. The classic "soda bottle fountain" setup operates on the same principal, except that it's a fluid dynamic process instead of a chemical one; You do something that generates high-pressure gasses (releasing dissolved CO2 in the bottle, combining an oxidizer with a propellant in the rocket), and to get something to move you release this pressure. The concern of a rocket is energy density, not rate of burn.

You want some rapidity to overpower gravity so you can get off the ground, but this is one of many reasons for booster stages. All the talk of "ion drives" is entirely about thrust-to-weight ratio, you use miniscule specs of plasma at high speeds for mere grams of reaction mass to be _technically_ hundreds of times more energy dense than chemical propellant over the course of a years-long trip with a glacial trickle of solar power.

Meanwhile, when speaking of "high explosives", they're single unstable compounds that will react with _themselves_ under pressure to decompose so rapidly that the atmosphere cannot move out of the way of the expanding gases, and pressure-sensitive enough that they're set off by the shockwave of their primer and chain-react from there.

Here's a video that demonstrates the difference with black powder and semtex, notably including a demonstration of the difference between semtex simply _burning_ and it properly _detonating_. When you want a shockwave you need _fast_, so it has been settled on having explosives that chain react with their own _pressure_ rather than heat or byproducts, because this is _ludicrously_ faster than thermal reactions or contact reactions, allowing for a far higher pressure shockwave as the end result.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> * When designing a game, may not use 'foe number' as a game term.


** When making a game about giants the stats can't be Fi, For, Foe,  and Fum.
*** Smell Englishman should not be the name for Perception.

----------


## Wookieetank

> * Any plan which involves my mind ending up in one of Giger's Xenomorphs is a bad plan.
> ** As is any backstory which contains such an event.
> *** Yes, even in a supers game.


*Using Xenomorphs as a surprise enemy in the Dark Sun setting is questionable at best
**Introducing the Xenomorphs through a cavern full of facehugger eggs in the first session may have been poor form
***Especially when one of the PCs got implanted with a xenomorph.
****Should probably tell my players I'm going for cosmic/inter-dimensional horror prior to starting the game.

----------


## Rater202

*I cannot explain to Weyland-Yutani executives that Xenomorphs are useless as weapons because it's demonstrable that they can't be trained and that they die to a strong enough shotgun, therefore their only tactical use would be to drop one in a civilian center and hope it metamorphoses into a queen or otherwise infects a significant portion of the populous before a military response can be launched.
**Or that t would be faster and more cost-effective to just firebomb the place since you're going to end up having to do hat to prevent the Xenomorphs from getting out and screwing up things for you anyway and would be just as severe a war crime.
***Can't continue to point out that studying Xenomorph DNA and biochemistry would probably produce much more profitable results, particularly if they can crack the gene reflux, and that you don't need to capture the Xenomorph _alive_ to do that.

*My superhero origin cannot be 'was implanted by a Face-Hugger which triggered m latent mutant power of an adaptive healing factor causing my now superhuman immune system to kill the embryo and incorporate any and all useful genes and biochemical traits from the parasite into my own genome causing my body to start producing acidic blood which slowly ate away at my flesh which then generated into xenomorph-human hybrid tissues that then further adapted to become more acid-resistant that xenomorph tissues.'
**Especially if the net result is "hot chick that looks like she's wearing form-fitting xenomorph themed armor everywhere except for her head until you notice the tail."
***Cannot projectile-vomit my own corrosive blood.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> *Using Xenomorphs as a surprise enemy in the Dark Sun setting is questionable at best
> **Introducing the Xenomorphs through a cavern full of facehugger eggs in the first session may have been poor form
> ***Especially when one of the PCs got implanted with a xenomorph.
> ****Should probably tell my players I'm going for cosmic/inter-dimensional horror prior to starting the game.


To be fair they aren't that much more dangerous than a standard Athasian animal, and their camouflage won't work in the environment. Honestly the biggest problem is the acid blood, mainly due to how trade materials for good ranged weapons are.

Also, despite what Rater says Xenomorphs are pretty well defended against small arms fire (going by Aliens at least) although not impervious, and despite what even official sources say in the films are even _better_ defended against heat and fire (at least two survive the drives of ships meant to achieve orbit). Also while a good shotgun blast can take one down you also have to be far enough away to avoid the avid blood splattering on you. They're still not suitable as weapons, which is why I like the 'evolved in a really weird place' origin, but it's not the the USCMC sent a bunch of complete incompetents either.

----------


## Wookieetank

> To be fair they aren't that much more dangerous than a standard Athasian animal, and their camouflage won't work in the environment. Honestly the biggest problem is the acid blood, mainly due to how trade materials for good ranged weapons are.


That's what I felt, and why I homebrewed them in.  My players reacted very entertainingly paranoid about them and was well worth the inclusion.

----------


## Eldan

I mean, sure, you want xenomorph genetics, but I can't help but feel what you _really_ want is the magic super Acid that eats several times its own volume in metal without even leaving any residue.

----------


## Rater202

> I mean, sure, you want xenomorph genetics, but I can't help but feel what you _really_ want is the magic super Acid that eats several times its own volume in metal without even leaving any residue.


That falls under biochemistry.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> That's what I felt, and why I homebrewed them in.  My players reacted very entertainingly paranoid about them and was well worth the inclusion.


I mean people will have different reactions, but yeah, even in the Alien movies the deadliness and intelligence of Xenomorphs range wildly. But take away their camouflage and you've taken one of it's bigger advantages, and it's even easier if you can lure them into an open space.




> I mean, sure, you want xenomorph genetics, but I can't help but feel what you _really_ want is the magic super Acid that eats several times its own volume in metal without even leaving any residue.


I mean, that depends. It's like when my character made that universal solvent, didn't really have anything to keep it in...

What you really, really want is the heat resistant exoskeleton and ability to survive without breathing. Especially since the exoskeleton seems to be something that can actually hold that superacid.

----------


## Wookieetank

> I mean people will have different reactions, but yeah, even in the Alien movies the deadliness and intelligence of Xenomorphs range wildly. But take away their camouflage and you've taken one of it's bigger advantages, and it's even easier if you can lure them into an open space.


They first showed up in an unexplored cave system the party was using to infiltrate an unsuspecting fort on top of a mesa. Was very entertained that by the end of the session I'd say, "You hear..." and before I could finish my description everyone is hollering "I roll perception!" and madly rolling their dice.  One of the planned future adventures was going to be in a jungle environment, where the characters would be sorely unfamiliar with the terrain and the aliens added in for good measure.  Sadly the group fell apart due to having to head back to college.

Back on topic:
*May not use dimensional rifts as an attempt to pull off Planescape with the serial numbers filed off.
*When using Planescape as a setting, not allowed to have the party working for Aoskar.
**Especially when the end goal will put the party most definitely at odds with The Lady of Pain.
***Wanting to see what mad shenanigans the party will pull to survive The Lady of Pain is not really a good justification for the above.
****When the party realizes what you're up to and are on board for it, may not add risking the physical stability of Sigil to the mix just to keep it interesting.

----------


## Rater202

*In a DC Superheroes game, I cannot propose to my NPC girlfriend by letting her have her choice of one from a full set of Lantern Corp Power Rigns.

----------


## danielxcutter

> *In a DC Superheroes game, I cannot propose to my NPC girlfriend by letting her have her choice of one from a full set of Lantern Corp Power Rigns.


I'll be the first to admit I don't know jack about these, but wouldn't they either not work that well or backfire horribly one way or another? I think the first three colors are based on negative emotions and the others aren't exactly foolproof either.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> I'll be the first to admit I don't know jack about these, but wouldn't they either not work that well or backfire horribly one way or another? I think the first three colors are based on negative emotions and the others aren't exactly foolproof either.


To be exact:
*Spoiler: Bad Idea Rings*
Show

-Red is Rage, so bad idea. also its parasitic
-Orange is Greed and is only used by one guy because he is so greedy he won't share the power if I recall, so you can't even GET one, and if you could, its parasitic.
-Yellow is fear and thus bad, and is the most common enemy to the green lanterns
-Green is Willpower and while potentially heroic, the girlfriend has to be strong willed for it to work.
-Blue is Hope! Unfortunately, while Hope is the most powerful emotion, it also doesn't work without the willpower to make it happen, so it would only grant Flight and a protective aura if not near a green lantern
-Indigo is compassion, yay! unfortunately because compassion is one of the rarest emotions, using it blocks out all emotions other than compassion so as to use it at all without running out of energy, making it parasitic as well
-Violet is Love! D'aaaaaw. Except now she is apart of the Star Sapphires, which is an all female Lantern Corp dedicated to spreading love but also taking revenge against males throughout the universe, also they use the rings to brainwash female villains into being good. Have fun with that. 


** Proposing with The One Ring is an even worse idea than all of these

----------


## Rater202

> I'll be the first to admit I don't know jack about these, but wouldn't they either not work that well or backfire horribly one way or another? I think the first three colors are based on negative emotions and the others aren't exactly foolproof either.


The point is more than using a weapon of mass destruction as a wedding ring is a no-no.

Though, for the record: Each color has an emotion or mental attribute that you have to feel, understand, or be able to inspire in others to use the ring properly. The further away you are from the middle of the spectrum, the more you're influenced to be in that state of mind, but with training, you can resit and control those compulsions.

Red is based on Rage: Notably, Red Rings are based on shamanistic alien Blood MAgic rather than the advanced technology of other Lanter Cores. Red Rings replace all of your blood with a red plasma that functions as blood, but you can also projectile vomit it as a breath weapon that both burns like fire and corrodes like acid. Originally, it also put you in a berserk rage, but this is later revealed to be a separate spell and removed.

With training and rituals, the Red Lanterns can generate energy constructs like Green Lanterns, but that may or may not retain the destructive potential of the Red Plasma.

The downside is obvious: You can't give up your ring or let it run out of charge under normal circumstances or you will die from blood loss. There are ways around this, but it usually requires you to have the help of, or immediately become, the wielder of a blue or violet ring.

Note: The Rage and Hatred that resoantes wth the Red Light _can't_ just be base anger. Just being really angry all the time for no reason doesn't work, being angry at circumstances you've never experienced doesn't work, and tha hatred that a bigot feels against their targets of choice explicitly doesn't work because it's born of fear and ignronace.

For a Red Lantern, the most effective form of Rage is the Rage felt by those who have personally experienced a deep loss or severe injustice. You were thrown headfirst into a vast ocean of despair and came out _kicking and screaming and cussing_ on the other side.

Orange is tied to Avarice: It requires someone to have a great desire and induces Great Greed and Gluttony in the host. Orange can create small barriers from light, but the true power of the Orange Ring is that it can take things and make them yours: Like say, the souls of people you kill, which are used to animate constructs composed of Orange Light who operate as a hivemind under your command with all of the powers of the original.

It can also absorb types of energy and store them in the ring for later use, and hold up to 1,000,000% of a charge of Light(sing the other rings' standard capacity as a baseline)

Yellow is based on your understanding of and ability to inspire Fear. It has all the same powers as the Green Lantern Ring, but can also allow you to probe someone's mind and project an image of their worst fear.

The Green Lantern Ring is technically based on Courage(which is part of why Yellow is a weakness to various degrees), but being at the exact middle of the Spectrum means that you really only need Raw Force of Will, thug naturally there's a great overlap between the brave and those of great Willpower.

It's not the most powerful, but being more or less the easiest to use there's nothing to get in the way and there's almost nothing you can't do with green constructs. With enough charge, willpower, and creativity, green ring can warp reality to a degree that the other colors can't match due to the indosyncricities.

Blue is Hope, both your hope and your ability to instill it in others. Blue is the most powerful color, but by itself, it can only project forcefields and generate hope-inspiring images. However, it causes interactions with other colors, most notable, when wielded alongside a green ring, or when a Blue and Green Lantern Work Together, the Blue Ring gains all the powers of a Green Ring while also powering up the Green Ring.

Indigo is the light of Compassion. It can make constructs, but it can also manipulate the other colors to a limited degree and force empathy on people: Notably, the Indigo Tribe consists almost entirely of sociopaths and psychopaths who use the purple light to give themselves a proper range of emotions and the ability to connect with people on an emotional level.

Violet is based on Love. It's similar to yellow in that it has all the same powers as Green but with emotion manipulating abilities, but direct exposure has a tendency to drive people literally Love-Crazy. The Star Sapphires started using Rings specifically to avoid that.

Black and White technically embodied the entire spectrum, but are more closely tied to Death and Life, respectively. Most Black Lanterns are either corpse reanimated by a Black Power Ring or someone who died and came back being taken over by one. The Black Light replicates and/or enhances the abilities and tools of the original, and the only way to destroy a Black Lantern zombie, or free someone being controlled by a Black Ring, is to destroy the Black Ring, which can be done by blasting them with a White Ring, or with a Green Ring and one other color in perfect synch.

They charge up by ripping the hearts out of people who are experiencing a particularly intense emotion at that moment or shortly beforehand.

White, Comparatively, is just... The combined abilities of the Seven Standard Rings but stronger, plus control over life and the elements.

There are also some minor rings, like one that changes color based on what emotion the User is feeling at the time and I've _seen_ mentions of Ultraviolet and Infrared rings but I don't know what the deal is with those is.

----------


## Lord Raziere

*Spoiler: UV and Infrared Ring Tanget*
Show


The Ultraviolet ring is apparently based on ambient negative emotional energy such the hateful, self-destructive, and primeval parts of someone. so basically, its the Edgelord Ring

while the Infrared ring hasn't been introduced yet, but DC is intending to make one just like ultraviolet.



*may not be an "X-Ray Lantern" What would that emotion even be? 
** X-Ray Lantern emotions may not be any of the following: "Hunger", "Arousal", "Confusion", "Melancholy", "Stoicism", "Serenity", "Spite", "Naughtiness", "Humor", or "Annoyance"
*** May not instead make the Microwave Lanterns the "Hunger" emotion
**** There is no Lantern Ring for "Apathy", "Regret", "Boredom", "Worry", "Doubt", "Guilt" or "Embarrassment"
***** the Grey Lantern Corp may not be "Apathy" and its Oath may not be "Meh"

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* May not smelt down six rings to make a rainbow ring.
** No, it does not have any influence over sexuality.

* May not turn down an NPC's proposal because they had a ring and not a weapon of mass destruction.

----------


## Rockphed

* While using children's warped view of the world to design a campaign is acceptable, I should not have a setting based entirely on the pronouncements of a single 2-year-old.

----------


## Telok

* May not give the PCs a moon made out of warpstone, inhabited by oompa-loompas who drive plasma cannon ant-mecha and shoot chaos grenade launchers.
** May not make sad faces when they chicken out and just sell the coordinates to the Cocain-Wizards Guild.
*** May not be annoyed by having to stat out giant hybrid ant-mecha-oompa-loompas dual weilding time-bullet railguns.
**** May not be surprised that illithid mind-slavers and halfling mafia dons have better public relations and poll numbers than the PCs.

----------


## danielxcutter

What's warpstone again? I know weirdstones are from FR and interfere with teleportation in the area.

----------


## Pauly

> What's warpstone again? I know weirdstones are from FR and interfere with teleportation in the area.


In Warhammer fantasy its basically radioactive stones that give off warp energy. Its used to give magical power to the Skaven

----------


## danielxcutter

> In Warhammer fantasy its basically radioactive stones that give off warp energy. Its used to give magical power to the Skaven


Was the Warp inherently evil in Fantasy or not? I think it's not in 40K and the problem is mostly the Chaos Gods?

----------


## Telok

> Was the Warp inherently evil in Fantasy or not? I think it's not in 40K and the problem is mostly the Chaos Gods?


Ah, solidified chaos. Radioactive, mutagenic, addictive, power boosting, lol-random, space bending, time warping, change.

The warp isn't evil, it's more absolute unforgiving forced evolution going very very very fast in meme-Australia^3.

----------


## danielxcutter

> Ah, solidified chaos. Radioactive, mutagenic, addictive, power boosting, lol-random, space bending, time warping, change.
> 
> The warp isn't evil, it's more absolute unforgiving forced evolution going very very very fast in meme-Australia^3.


That still doesn't sound _evil_ though. Just extremely dangerous.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> That still doesn't sound _evil_ though. Just extremely dangerous.


Honestly, in both Fantasy and 40k _Chaos_ isn't inherently evil, just extremely dangerous. Oh sure, they're uncaring and their worshippers are trying to conquer/destroy everything, but dig up the right lore and you'll find that the Chaos Gods are just as complex as The Emperor (a.k.a. Space Sigmar).

In 40k Chaos isn't actually a problem with the Warp, I believe they're a symptom. Back in the time of the Old Ones and Necrontyr the Warp was a stable hyperspace, but creating three of the major races of the setting to do battle with the Necrontyr, two of which are universally psykers? When the Warp is used to do horrific things on such a scale of gets corrupted.

Anyway, 'Chaos is evil' is like saying 'Tech Priests don't innovate', a vast oversimplification of the matter.

* It doesn't matter how many points I sink into Intelligence and Tech, I can't reverse engineer Necron technology.
** Especially their FTL drive.
*** Naming myself Bergenholm doesn't help.
**** I now have Wanted (Extreme, Tech Priesthood of Mars).
***** I should have thought of that before becoming a Heretek.

----------


## Eldan

> Was the Warp inherently evil in Fantasy or not? I think it's not in 40K and the problem is mostly the Chaos Gods?


Depends _a lot_ on which source you read in Warhammer Fantasy. I mean, ever compare Rogue Trader to Indomitus? The settings basically share a few names in common and not much else. Then remember Warhammer Fantasy is ten years older than that. 

There's plenty of societies in Warhammer Fantasy that argue that even the chaos gods aren't evil, and many of them seem reasonably stable. The Norscans (fantasy vikings) worship the Wolf (Khorne), the Raven (Tzeentch), the Serpent (Slaanesh) and the Crow (Nurgle), who bring hardship, but also strength. The Khurgan (fantasy steppe tribes) worship Tzeentch the Changer, who makes life interesting. Cathay (fantasy China) too, has a state-sponsored Tzeentch-cult amongst other gods, worshipping knowledge. And there's some chaos cults in the old world who are just _right_. For example, one of the roleplaying games had a student's uprising who turned to the chaos gods and they had perfectly legitimous grievances. There's also the story of the old widow who was exiled from her village when the local mayor forged documents putting her in debt. She swore vengance and became a Warrior of Khorne. 

But yeah, at least in the more nuanced sources, the warp is volatile and dangerous, but not necessarily willfully evil. However, the ones who turn to such a power source are almost all either greedy and reckless or angry and desparate, so it rarely turns out well.

----------


## Eldan

> Honestly, in both Fantasy and 40k _Chaos_ isn't inherently evil, just extremely dangerous. Oh sure, they're uncaring and their worshippers are trying to conquer/destroy everything, but dig up the right lore and you'll find that the Chaos Gods are just as complex as The Emperor (a.k.a. Space Sigmar).
> 
> In 40k Chaos isn't actually a problem with the Warp, I believe they're a symptom. Back in the time of the Old Ones and Necrontyr the Warp was a stable hyperspace, but creating three of the major races of the setting to do battle with the Necrontyr, two of which are universally psykers? When the Warp is used to do horrific things on such a scale of gets corrupted.
> 
> Anyway, 'Chaos is evil' is like saying 'Tech Priests don't innovate', a vast oversimplification of the matter.
> 
> * It doesn't matter how many points I sink into Intelligence and Tech, I can't reverse engineer Necron technology.
> ** Especially their FTL drive.
> *** Naming myself Bergenholm doesn't help.
> ...


Based on a real discussion:
******"But Cawl did it" doesn't mean it's not Tech Heresy.

----------


## danielxcutter

> Honestly, in both Fantasy and 40k _Chaos_ isn't inherently evil, just extremely dangerous. Oh sure, they're uncaring and their worshippers are trying to conquer/destroy everything, but dig up the right lore and you'll find that the Chaos Gods are just as complex as The Emperor (a.k.a. Space Sigmar).
> 
> In 40k Chaos isn't actually a problem with the Warp, I believe they're a symptom. Back in the time of the Old Ones and Necrontyr the Warp was a stable hyperspace, but creating three of the major races of the setting to do battle with the Necrontyr, two of which are universally psykers? When the Warp is used to do horrific things on such a scale of gets corrupted.
> 
> Anyway, 'Chaos is evil' is like saying 'Tech Priests don't innovate', a vast oversimplification of the matter.


To be fair, a very large portion of my knowledge comes from _If the Emperor of Mankind Had A Text-To-Speech Device_ - not all of it, and I know the canon story's moved on since it started, but still.

Though also to be fair, there was an episode specifically about the topic that had good points on both sides of the argument.

*Spoiler: MAJOR spoilers for episode 13 and less major ones for episode 19*
Show

Magnus points out that 1. the Chaos Gods technically represent _all_ of sentient emotion, even if the positive aspects are shown approximately never, and b) destroying Chaos is impossible and even if you could it'd basically screw over everyone anyways, which Emps admits. However, Emps points out that the Warp is still, to quote, *DANGEROUS, STUPID, DANGEROUSLY STUPID, AND STUPIDLY DANGEROUS,* and that as long as Chaos remains in its current state bringing peace to humanity and the galaxy is basically impossible, which Magnus can't exactly deny either.





> Depends _a lot_ on which source you read in Warhammer Fantasy. I mean, ever compare Rogue Trader to Indomitus? The settings basically share a few names in common and not much else. Then remember Warhammer Fantasy is ten years older than that. 
> 
> There's plenty of societies in Warhammer Fantasy that argue that even the chaos gods aren't evil, and many of them seem reasonably stable. The Norscans (fantasy vikings) worship the Wolf (Khorne), the Raven (Tzeentch), the Serpent (Slaanesh) and the Crow (Nurgle), who bring hardship, but also strength. The Khurgan (fantasy steppe tribes) worship Tzeentch the Changer, who makes life interesting. Cathay (fantasy China) too, has a state-sponsored Tzeentch-cult amongst other gods, worshipping knowledge. And there's some chaos cults in the old world who are just _right_. For example, one of the roleplaying games had a student's uprising who turned to the chaos gods and they had perfectly legitimous grievances. There's also the story of the old widow who was exiled from her village when the local mayor forged documents putting her in debt. She swore vengance and became a Warrior of Khorne. 
> 
> But yeah, at least in the more nuanced sources, the warp is volatile and dangerous, but not necessarily willfully evil. However, the ones who turn to such a power source are almost all either greedy and reckless or angry and desparate, so it rarely turns out well.


I suppose anyone who plans on using chloride trifluoride without nitrogen or noble gasses is either stupid or insane, so that checks out.




> * It doesn't matter how many points I sink into Intelligence and Tech, I can't reverse engineer Necron technology.
> ** Especially their FTL drive.
> *** Naming myself Bergenholm doesn't help.
> **** I now have Wanted (Extreme, Tech Priesthood of Mars).
> ***** I should have thought of that before becoming a Heretek.





> Based on a real discussion:
> ******"But Cawl did it" doesn't mean it's not Tech Heresy.


Okay, besides "Necron tech is so ridiculously advanced it's not even funny", I think I'm missing a lot of references here. Explanation please?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> To be fair, a very large portion of my knowledge comes from _If the Emperor of Mankind Had A Text-To-Speech Device_ - not all of it, and I know the canon story's moved on since it started, but still.
> 
> Though also to be fair, there was an episode specifically about the topic that had good points on both sides of the argument.
> 
> *Spoiler: MAJOR spoilers for episode 13 and less major ones for episode 19*
> Show
> 
> Magnus points out that 1. the Chaos Gods technically represent _all_ of sentient emotion, even if the positive aspects are shown approximately never, and b) destroying Chaos is impossible and even if you could it'd basically screw over everyone anyways, which Emps admits. However, Emps points out that the Warp is still, to quote, *DANGEROUS, STUPID, DANGEROUSLY STUPID, AND STUPIDLY DANGEROUS,* and that as long as Chaos remains in its current state bringing peace to humanity and the galaxy is basically impossible, which Magnus can't exactly deny either.


While we could debate the specifics, yeah pretty much. Chassis isn't inherently evil, but dealing with it is still dangerous, stupid, stupidly dangerous, and likely to result in tentacles.




> Okay, besides "Necron tech is so ridiculously advanced it's not even funny", I think I'm missing a lot of references here. Explanation please?


Necron FTL is barred on negating inertia (at least in older fluff I believe), which is originally from the Lensman series where it was invented by a Mr Bergenholm. The Tech Priesthood of Mars is very conservative and she's not like anybody else messing with it inventing technology, and technological research a privilege of the upper castes. Crawl recently had been revealed as having done some very heretical things on the order of a Primarch.

----------


## Bohandas

> To be exact:
> *Spoiler: Bad Idea Rings*
> Show
> 
> -Red is Rage, so bad idea. also its parasitic
> -Orange is Greed and is only used by one guy because he is so greedy he won't share the power if I recall, so you can't even GET one, and if you could, its parasitic.
> -Yellow is fear and thus bad, and is the most common enemy to the green lanterns
> -Green is Willpower and while potentially heroic, the girlfriend has to be strong willed for it to work.
> -Blue is Hope! Unfortunately, while Hope is the most powerful emotion, it also doesn't work without the willpower to make it happen, so it would only grant Flight and a protective aura if not near a green lantern
> ...


***Lantern Corps Power Rings do not have their Corps' oath written on them in the Black Speech of Mordor
****orrat dautas skalkisham nat; Timer dru baj ob draut; Tak alag nadal dath; Dig sha orka Sinestro ofls

----------


## Eldan

> Okay, besides "Necron tech is so ridiculously advanced it's not even funny", I think I'm missing a lot of references here. Explanation please?


Well, using xeno tech is tech heresy to the Mechanicum. So is improving on old tech. Especially the Emperor's tech. So is building an AI. Cawl has done all of that.

Edit: if you need more information, Cawl is the slightly deus ex machina-y tech priest Games Workshop pulled out of their hat recently, who worked with the Emperor and apparently spent hte last ten thousand years in secret, improving space marines, so that he can now make Better Space Marines. He was never mentioned before GW came out with a kit for Better Space Marines because reasons.

----------


## Rater202

Is it clarified _how_ better space marines are better?

----------


## Eldan

He just all around improved the process. Space marines are mutated and have new organs and cybernetics shoved into them. He mutates them more and shoves more new organs and cybernetics into them. In the process, he also eliminates all the weaknesses of the various space marine geneseeds, so that for example the Angry Chapters no longer have rage issues. They are bigger*, faster and stronger.
The Better Space Marines (Primaris) also have, as routine equipment, newly made Better Power Armor, Hover Tanks and Better Guns.

*This is the important one. Games Workshop has steadily, over the years, increased the scale of their models. So by now, there's chaos cultists who are taller than old marines. The entire storyline comes across as mostly an excuse to make new, larger space marine kits. Like, second edition marines, which a few guys I still know, are about half hte size of the new eight-ninth edition Primaris Marines.

*Spoiler: See here. Same special character, a few editions apart.* 
Show

----------


## Bohandas

> Well, using xeno tech is tech heresy to the Mechanicum. So is improving on old tech. Especially the Emperor's tech. So is building an AI.


I think the most unrealistic thing about WH40K is the fact that the empire somehow manages to avoid getting steamrolled despite all that. By all rights they should have long since been smacked down like every other empire that's ever closed itself off and embraced stagnation like this

----------


## noob

> I think the most unrealistic thing about WH40K is the fact that the empire somehow manages to avoid getting steamrolled despite all that. By all rights they should have long since been smacked down like every other empire that's ever closed itself off and embraced stagnation like this


The trick is people saying "they dug up old emperor approved tech" to whitelist their newly made tech.
Plus it is getting steamrolled it is just so huge it will take millenniums to get steamrolled entirely.

----------


## Rater202

Yeah.

My understanding is that there a lot of folks in the middle and pranks of the Adeptus Mechanics who innovate or approve others innovations just a little bit at a time but fake up evidence that it's "lost" technology.

----------


## Eldan

I mean, the entire point of 40k is, or used to be, is that humanity was relatively well off but has been slowly sliding into unavoidable obscurity and destruction for the last ten millennia at least. It's ten thousand years of ignorance, fanaticism and entropy.

They _are_ getting steamrolled. It's just that they are so big that getting steamrolled will take another few thousand years. Same for the Eldar. Not anymore for Newcrons, but otherwise, for pretty much everyone. Even the Tau are running into their limits and possibly starting to slide downwars. (More open totalitarianism, and the first chaos problems.)

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> The trick is people saying "they dug up old emperor approved tech" to whitelist their newly made tech.
> Plus it is getting steamrolled it is just so huge it will take millenniums to get steamrolled entirely.


To be fair to the Adeptus Mechanics, they aren't as stupidly dogma ridden as they look and occasionally even come up with new technology while admitting that's what they've done. They're just very conservative and have the issue that those actually asked to research are the same ones with a decent chance of replacing half their brain with a computer.


In terms of AI the Imperium has reasons to be wary (Men of Iron anybody), and even then they don't actually file the 'don't create AI' rule to the letter. They've basically told themselves that a sufficiently weak AI isn't actually an AI.

But yes, the Imperium is basically in the point where they'll be gone by the fifty first millennium, and I believe that a decent part of the new fluff makes this explicit. But they rule the majority of the galaxy, even getting steamrolled is going to take a while.

But at least the Orks and 'Nids aren't in decline yet.

----------


## TeChameleon

I'm... honestly not sure where the Orks would decline _to_.  They're a race of universally dangerously insane mushroom-people who are only a spacefaring race by virtue of sufficiently advanced spacemagic.  And I'm pretty sure that they haven't gone extinct by the same principle as Hitchhiker's Guide flight- they keep throwing themselves at extinction and missing  :Small Confused:

----------


## Eldan

Even the "rule the majority of the galaxy" part varies by author. The Imperium is said to have a million worlds. Our real world galaxy has at least a hundred _billion_ stars. There might well be more planets that aren't part of the Imperium than planets that are. And many of the Imperial planets are barely in it. They are feral worlds or medieval worlds that pay a tithe in grain or soldiers every time an Imperial ship comes around, but otherwise don't really have a concept of what space or the Imperium actually are.

----------


## Bohandas

> I'm... honestly not sure where the Orks would decline _to_.  They're a race of universally dangerously insane mushroom-people who are only a spacefaring race by virtue of sufficiently advanced spacemagic.  And I'm pretty sure that they haven't gone extinct by the same principle as Hitchhiker's Guide flight- they keep throwing themselves at extinction and missing


The Orks' society CAN'T decline because they DON'T NEED a society. They reproduce by spores in huge numbers, they build advanced machinery by instinct, and they travel the stars by the power of their own will. Their entire adult population throughout the entire galaxy could be killed off and it wouldn't matter; their race would be set back by the amount of time it took the spores to mature but not a day longer.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Even the "rule the majority of the galaxy" part varies by author. The Imperium is said to have a million worlds. Our real world galaxy has at least a hundred _billion_ stars. There might well be more planets that aren't part of the Imperium than planets that are. And many of the Imperial planets are barely in it. They are feral worlds or medieval worlds that pay a tithe in grain or soldiers every time an Imperial ship comes around, but otherwise don't really have a concept of what space or the Imperium actually are.


What doesn't vary by author?

Officially Imperial Space seems to convert the majority of the galaxy, but I'd be willing to accept that only a fraction of a percent of the systems within that are settled (and considering how almost all interstellar travel is Warp or Webway based systems do admittedly count for more than how far across the galaxy it extends). Plus yes, the Imperium is so vast that 'Imperial World' basically means 'pays tithes when asked and venerates the Emperor'.

On the other hand the 40k authors do get the scale they're dealing with most of the time, even if they disagree on that scale. There are entire planets dedicated to managing subsectors, Terra itself is basically a mixture of administration hub and pilgrimage site, and the Guard numbers in at least the trillions. Plus nothing is unified, the Ecclesiarchy basically init functions because each planet's cult is shown to develop as it pleases.

----------


## Eldan

I just mean while you can paint the entire galaxy Imperial, the density of Imperial worlds can be low. They still occasionally find new minor xenos empires of a dozen worlds or two they didn't notice before.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* My assassin villain character's goal may not to be "be wealthy"
** Nor may I fool all the other PCs into thinking I'm just a assassin here to kill for the highest bidder without having a horse in the race to take over the city then kill the last one standing myself when rest are taken care of
*** May not play both sides against each other by making them go into a bidding war over my assassination services.
**** My cover identity may not be an amiable dwarven woman who sells potions in a modest shop.

----------


## Bohandas

> They _are_ getting steamrolled. It's just that they are so big that getting steamrolled will take another few thousand years. Same for the Eldar.


I don't see why, given that the setting has instantaneous travel and after 15000 years of no innovation I'd think that how fast you can get to the worlds would be the biggest limiter on how fast it can be done.

Also, remember, the Eldar aren't actually the Eldar, Slannesh is the Eldar and Slaanesh is doing fine




> Honestly, in both Fantasy and 40k _Chaos_ isn't inherently evil, just extremely dangerous. Oh sure, they're uncaring and their worshippers are trying to conquer/destroy everything, but dig up the right lore and you'll find that the Chaos Gods are just as complex as The Emperor (a.k.a. Space Sigmar)


And also less evil than the emperor. Well, maybe not Khorne, but you'll find that the others are less evil than the emperor (assuming that the emperor is indeed still alive and still in command and that the ecclesiarchy hasn't actually just been doing a millenia long rehash of Weekend At Bernie's). ("what about slaanesh eating all those eldar souls?" I hear you say. Well, that's the same kind of language the craftworld Eldar use to describe their beloved Ynnead, so it can't really be all that bad if it's what even the anti-slannesh eldar are angling for anyway)

*The Imperial Cult is not "a rehash of Weekend At Bernie's"

----------


## danielxcutter

I have a feeling that's rather biased, considering that the Eldar don't _want_ to get eaten by Slaanesh. And Slaanesh is basically the Dark Eldar turned up to eleventy-thousand and yes I'm aware that's not a real number.

----------


## Lord Raziere

*WH40k Tangent:*
40k FTL is not instant actually. warp travel is....not the most reliable thing:



> Estimating the length of a Warp Jump, at least for the Imperium, is extremely difficult and inconsistent. As the Warp is ever-shifting, determining the length of a jump is difficult for even even semi-fluctuating passages. The Questio Logisticus branch of the Administratum is dedicated to this difficult task.[11]
> 
> One example is given for travel between the Hive World of Proxx and the Mining World of Hephastian. These planets are separated between dozens of light years and a standard voyage in the warp will take one to six weeks. However some voyages have been recorded as taking 1,200 years and another in as little as two minutes. 32% of the voyages have yet to reach their destination.[11]


In fact the Warp is technically timeless, and its possible to travel BACK in time using it, but its so corrupt, hellish and chaotic that no one knows how to pull it off intentionally. This is not a method of travel is in any way safe, reliable, consistent, casual, or for the faint of heart. you go into the Warp, your putting your life on the line. Emperor help you if the Gellar Field fails, because traveling through the warp without that is like an Infinite Improbability Drive from Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy, except instead of funny haha random weirdness, you get daemons coming to rip your body apart and torture your soul for all eternity. 

40k Warp Travel: the no. 1 reason to stay on a single planet and hope you don't get invaded by something.

* May not attack the players with daemon versions of memes they've said too many times when a Gellar field fails
** there are no daemons of chuck norris facts trying to roundhouse kick them in the face
*** may not attack them with horrific daemon versions of monty python characters that only grow stronger each time they repeat their jokes
**** or attack them with daemonettes of slaanesh who look like Bowsette.
***** or any daemon versions of "cursed memes".

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I don't see why, given that the setting has instantaneous travel and after 15000 years of no innovation I'd think that how fast you can get to the worlds would be the biggest limiter on how fast it can be done.


The Necrons might, might, have it in s practical sense, which is why reverse engineering their drives would be so amazing. For everybody else it seems to be a choice between Warp travel z the Webway, or trying to get the ship to relativistic speeds.

Now there may be other ways to go FTL. I believe that humanity tried several ways the Dark Age of Technology and decided that Warp travel was the heat problematic, and that says a lot about how dangerous it impractical the other methods were (and this was before the Astronomicon). Sadly it's still not quite clear if humanity ever reached Necron levels of technology, so there may be a human-built Bergenholm out there in depths of the galaxy.




> And also less evil than the emperor. Well, maybe not Khorne, but you'll find that the others are less evil than the emperor (assuming that the emperor is indeed still alive and still in command and that the ecclesiarchy hasn't actually just been doing a millenia long rehash of Weekend At Bernie's). ("what about slaanesh eating all those eldar souls?" I hear you say. Well, that's the same kind of language the craftworld Eldar use to describe their beloved Ynnead, so it can't really be all that bad if it's what even the anti-slannesh eldar are angling for anyway)
> 
> *The Imperial Cult is not "a rehash of Weekend At Bernie's"


I mean, I believe that Big E has been revealed as alive, sitting I admit there might be some Wizard of Oz stuff going on. But yes, Big E is just as bad as the Chaos Godsz assuming he's not one himself (which is uncertain, as he's the 40k version of somebody who's explicitly a god of Order).

Although I'd b actually say that Khorne might not be as evil as Big E. He's just a god  simple passions. Now Slaanesh, there's an evil one. Sure, prehensile genitalia might sound fun now, but it's the start of a long road where eventually the acid-gargling and rack start to lose their thrill and you have to move into more debased forms of sensation like mutual torture or yodelling.

----------


## Bohandas

> I have a feeling that's rather biased, considering that the Eldar don't _want_ to get eaten by Slaanesh.


No, but they do want to get eaten by the other deity, which makes it seem like the matter is more down to favoritism.

*There is not a cookbook with the title "To Serve Eldar"

----------


## Eldan

I don't think space travel is the main factor in how quickly humanity in 40k will fade away. What I mean is more... there's a lot of human worlds, so for all of them to be destroyed will take a long time. It's often said, though that's probably fairly poetic, that there's a million human worlds. If they lose a handful every year, that still means that it will take them hundreds of thousands of years to all die out, even if it's a steady downward trajectory with no rallying. Now, with the story being actively advanced there might be one big enemy ending things, chaos, necrons, tyranids, but as the setting was presented for most of it's history, it's just untold enemies slowly chipping away at the Imperium. You lose one planet to orcs, and then another to corsairs, and then three to tyranids, one undergoes exterminatus because the Genestealers got out of hand and then you lose one because food shipments from the nearest agriworld got delayed by warpstorms and almost everyone starves or becomes a khorne-worshipping cannibal. That's not a lot of worlds to lose in a year, out of a million. But if you lose ten, or a hundred planets every year, more than you settle or reconquer other ones, eventually you're gone.

Steamrollers are slow, but unstoppable.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

Okay, having run the numbers, if the Imperium consists of exactly a million world's (it's probably more, less then one Space Marine per world and ask that, but it's the best number we've got) and loses .03% of it's worlds per year (so 300 in year 1) then after 10,000 years they still have about 50,000 worlds. The decline didn't start immediately after the the Horus Heresy, and worlds are still occasionally (re)claimed, so the actual proportion is probably lower.

So yeah, a long time.

----------


## danielxcutter

> *WH40k Tangent:*
> 40k FTL is not instant actually. warp travel is....not the most reliable thing:
> 
> In fact the Warp is technically timeless, and its possible to travel BACK in time using it, but its so corrupt, hellish and chaotic that no one knows how to pull it off intentionally. This is not a method of travel is in any way safe, reliable, consistent, casual, or for the faint of heart. you go into the Warp, your putting your life on the line. Emperor help you if the Gellar Field fails, because traveling through the warp without that is like an Infinite Improbability Drive from Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy, except instead of funny haha random weirdness, you get daemons coming to rip your body apart and torture your soul for all eternity. 
> 
> 40k Warp Travel: the no. 1 reason to stay on a single planet and hope you don't get invaded by something.
> 
> * May not attack the players with daemon versions of memes they've said too many times when a Gellar field fails
> ** there are no daemons of chuck norris facts trying to roundhouse kick them in the face
> ...


The Chuck Norris daemons are Khornites I presume? I dunno enough about Monty Python to know which those would be, though.




> Okay, having run the numbers, if the Imperium consists of exactly a million world's (it's probably more, less then one Space Marine per world and ask that, but it's the best number we've got) and loses .03% of it's worlds per year (so 300 in year 1) then after 10,000 years they still have about 50,000 worlds. The decline didn't start immediately after the the Horus Heresy, and worlds are still occasionally (re)claimed, so the actual proportion is probably lower.
> 
> So yeah, a long time.


Just to be clear, Imperium implodes isnt the same as humanity goes extinct and/or the remains get screwed over by daemons and/or Drukhari for all eternity right? And Chaos or the Necrons winning doesnt mean the entire universe is permanently screwed over for all eternity?

----------


## Eldan

> Okay, having run the numbers, if the Imperium consists of exactly a million world's (it's probably more, less then one Space Marine per world and ask that, but it's the best number we've got) and loses .03% of it's worlds per year (so 300 in year 1) then after 10,000 years they still have about 50,000 worlds. The decline didn't start immediately after the the Horus Heresy, and worlds are still occasionally (re)claimed, so the actual proportion is probably lower.
> 
> So yeah, a long time.


I mean, there's probably going to be second order effects. Every Agri-World lost to orc Spores probably also means a hive world starving. Losing a forge world also means losing a war somewhere else. And if you lose half your Worlds, I assume you also lose a good percentage of your supply lines.

----------


## Eldan

> *** may not attack them with horrific daemon versions of monty python characters that only grow stronger each time they repeat their jokes


I... may have done that, but they were Harlequins. The Harlequins were trying to be "culturally relevant", so they studied the humour of their next "audience" before attacking. Cegorach liked it, so they had some appropriate powers. Including a black knight solitaire who couldn't die.

----------


## Eldan

> Just to be clear, Imperium implodes isnt the same as humanity goes extinct and/or the remains get screwed over by daemons and/or Drukhari for all eternity right? And Chaos or the Necrons winning doesnt mean the entire universe is permanently screwed over for all eternity?


Well, that goes back to "the Galaxy is big". We know there's plenty of one-world Xenos races out there. The 40k wiki lists what is probably around a hundred known sentient species. So, "the Imperium implodes" doesn't mean all of humanity dies, no. As said above, some random world of dirt farmers somewhere might not even notice the Imperium doesn't exist anymore. We'd have a lot of worlds of hunter-gatherers, medieval societies, even a few early industrial societies that might be reasonably comparable to modern Earth. Scavenger worlds not too unlike something like Fallout, digging through the remains of city-sized factories for half-broken laser weapons. Perhaps even a few systems that have more than one inhabited planet and limited space travel between them. They'd mostly be fine, until. 
There wouldn't be any large armies anymore to bail anyone out if a Waagh or a Chaos raid comes through, no one to take away and train or kill uncontrolled pskyers and most likely, the remaining humans would be too primitive to do interstellar travel at all, even before we mention that there now isn't an Astronomicon anymore. They couldn't even hope to fight Tyranids or Necrons. 
Thousands of planets might remain, some for thousands of years. But they'd be without protection in a hostile galaxy and it would take one instance of bad luck for any of those worlds to be destroyed. 

There's a few scenarios where everyone dies. The main tyranid fleet arrives and no one can stop them, they just roll over the galaxy, devour all life and then likely leave. Though at least one tyranid hive-fleet seems to be settling in and is actually colonizing star systems, so they might even stay. Some People theorize that if chaos wins, they might just turn the entire galaxy into daemonworlds that are halfway in the warp. If that happens, everyone is unbelieveably screwed. Necrons don't seem to want to wipe out all life anymore, for the most part, but they might still pull out a galaxy-destroying superweapon they just had lying around. They can already blow up star Systems halfway through the galaxy. 

Alternatively, GW might decide that Bobby B (Roboute Guilliman) is successful enough at pulling together the Imperium that he can actually reverse the downwards trajectory for a bit. 

But barring those cataclysmic Events, I'd expect a theoretical Warhammer 60k to be almost exclusively inhabited by primitives constantly on the edge of destruction, with very Little hope to get back to the stars any time soon. 

Really rather like humanity before the Emperor came around last time.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> The Chuck Norris daemons are Khornites I presume? I dunno enough about Monty Python to know which those would be, though.
> 
> 
> 
> Just to be clear, Imperium implodes isnt the same as humanity goes extinct and/or the remains get screwed over by daemons and/or Drukhari for all eternity right? And Chaos or the Necrons winning doesnt mean the entire universe is permanently screwed over for all eternity?


*Spoiler: Wh40k*
Show

*uncertain hand motion* Well maybe not? I mean Chaos successfully doing that is certainly their intention and the settings narrative is staunchly unrepentantly about how things always get worse without even an anti-hero to truly save day, only various extremists and lesser evils making hard decisions and killing so many people that they make the Punisher look reasonable and heroic in comparison. The situation is unlikely to get better and even if it technically doesn't mean that, the Imperium getting crushed still means there is no force in the universe to protect humanity from all the threats around it: between orkz, tyranids, necrons and Chaos, no astronomican to light the way, humanity would quickly collapse into various isolated worlds like they did in the Age of Strife, with every planet and system for themselves, and thus all depends on how well they can defend things without help....problem: most plots in WH40k are about imperium forces responding to some world asking for help because they're being invaded.

I just wouldn't put good odds on the humans in that scenario even if its not guaranteed



* The "Tis But a Scratch" Knight is not an unholy hybrid of Khornate and Nurgle energy who is a seemingly unstoppable unkillable juggernaut
** "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries" may not summon nurglite demons claiming to be their parents, the stench elderberries of which spreading a horrible disease from a fat corpulent zombie while the mother being a diseased werehamster whose bite spreads the condition like a plague
*** the spam joke may not spawn in more small Slaaneshi demons yelling "spam!" every time the word is uttered, making them multiply with every utterance.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Just to be clear, Imperium implodes isnt the same as humanity goes extinct and/or the remains get screwed over by daemons and/or Drukhari for all eternity right? And Chaos or the Necrons winning doesnt mean the entire universe is permanently screwed over for all eternity?


The Imperium imploding leads to a lot of independent systems, probably a handful of small human empires, and a lot of starving people on hive worlds and forge world's, but not the end of humanity.

Chaos winning is 'galaxy-wide Eye of Terror', and means that the galaxy is probably done for. The Necrons winning is confusing, bare in mind that at the moment the first thing they want is their souls back, and if they do biotransference in reverse that likely means that whatever race they take over probably loses their culture for all eternity, followed by everybody else once the Necron Lords hey bored and start conquering everybody with their legions of robotic soldiers (what, you thought that everybody was getting a new soul?).




> I mean, there's probably going to be second order effects. Every Agri-World lost to orc Spores probably also means a hive world starving. Losing a forge world also means losing a war somewhere else. And if you lose half your Worlds, I assume you also lose a good percentage of your supply lines.


True, but as a rough order of magnitude it works. So 10,000+ years for the Imperium to implode without one of the villains stepping up their game.

----------


## Eldan

> [SPOILER=Wh40k]
> * The "Tis But a Scratch" Knight is not an unholy hybrid of Khornate and Nurgle energy who is a seemingly unstoppable unkillable juggernaut
> ** "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries" may not summon nurglite demons claiming to be their parents, the stench elderberries of which spreading a horrible disease from a fat corpulent zombie while the mother being a diseased werehamster whose bite spreads the condition like a plague
> *** the spam joke may not spawn in more small Slaaneshi demons yelling "spam!" every time the word is uttered, making them multiply with every utterance.


I still think he's funnier as a Harlequin than as a daemon. Though I guess meme daemons make a bit more sense. To expand on my point above:
**Harlequins may sell neither dead parrots nor cheese. Shooting them is, however, a valid response.
***Harlequins may not throw sleeping gas grenades and sing "Gooooood night, ding ding ding ding ding!"
****The Shadowseer may not introduce himself with "Hello, I'd like to have an argument."

----------


## Rater202

> [SPOILER=Wh40k]** "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries" may not summon nurglite demons claiming to be their parents, the stench elderberries of which spreading a horrible disease from a fat corpulent zombie while the mother being a diseased werehamster whose bite spreads the condition like a plag


*May not point out that elderberries were used to make wine in medieval times and that female hamsters are known to be very... Aggressive, when it's mating season and produce lots of offspring.
**Thus, not allowed to point out that the joke is that the Rud French Knights were saying "you're mother's a whore with too many children and your father is an alcoholic" without actually coming out and saying it.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

***** When attacking a Harlequin I should not be wielding a banana.
****** Or a punnet of raspberries.
******* I must use, at minimum, a pointed stick.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> I still think he's funnier as a Harlequin than as a daemon. Though I guess meme daemons make a bit more sense. To expand on my point above:
> **Harlequins may sell neither dead parrots nor cheese. Shooting them is, however, a valid response.
> ***Harlequins may not throw sleeping gas grenades and sing "Gooooood night, ding ding ding ding ding!"
> ****The Shadowseer may not introduce himself with "Hello, I'd like to have an argument."


You misunderstand. its not supposed to be funny. Its supposed to take jokes that I consider far, far too old hat and finally kill them with horror by warping them into daemons to take my revenge on people constantly restating the jokes by twisting them into a context where telling them becomes a terrifying situation that could get their characters killed. How seriously I take this is of course, is a new joke I create on top of these jokes corpses.

----------


## danielxcutter

Arent the Necrons trying to cut off the Galaxy from the Warp? Or was that retconned away?

----------


## Bohandas

> Okay, having run the numbers, if the Imperium consists of exactly a million world's (it's probably more, less then one Space Marine per world and ask that, but it's the best number we've got) and loses .03% of it's worlds per year (so 300 in year 1) then after 10,000 years they still have about 50,000 worlds. The decline didn't start immediately after the the Horus Heresy, and worlds are still occasionally (re)claimed, so the actual proportion is probably lower.


No, it didn't start after the Horus Herasy, it started after the rebellion of the Men of Iron and only got worse from there.

----------


## danielxcutter

> No, it didn't start after the Horus Herasy, it started after the rebellion of the Men of Iron and only got worse from there.


The Men of Iron thing being bad is a recent edition thing right?

Also you misspelled "Heresy".

----------


## Telok

> The Men of Iron thing being bad is a recent edition thing right?
> 
> Also you misspelled "Heresy".


* May not intentionally mis-replace "Heresy" with "Hershey" in WH40k games.
** "Willy Horus and the Chocolate Cluster****" is not canon in any edition.

----------


## Lord Torath

* I may not point out that we already have a thread for discussing 40k Fluff: Warhammer 40k Fluff Discussion XVII: Call Necrosius, The Old Thread Is Dead!.

* I may no longer use a first level wizard spell and the occasional healing spell from a cleric as the ticket to limitless wealth.

----------


## danielxcutter

> * I may not point out that we already have a tread for discussing 40k Fluff: Warhammer 40k Fluff Discussion XVII: Call Necrosius, The Old Thread Is Dead!.
> 
> * I may no longer use a first level wizard spell and the occasional healing spell from a cleric as the ticket to limitless wealth.


Which spell is that?

----------


## Lord Torath

> Which spell is that?


Metamorphose Liquids (2E AD&D - Tome of Magic).  The wizard transmutes 1 cubic foot per level of any liquid into any other non-magical liquid by touching the target liquid and placing a drop of the desired liquid on their tongue.
*Spoiler: Can you guess where I'm going with this?*
Show

Gold, platinum, and even mithril/mithral (and adamantite presumably) all turn into a liquid if you heat them up enough.  1 cubic foot of solid platinum (after you pour it into molds and let it cool) weighs 8,000 lbs.  At 50 coins/lb, that's 40,000 pp, or 200,000 gp, which will easily pay for a cleric to heal the burn you took to your finger.   If you use a small enough drop, your tongue won't even get burnt!

----------


## danielxcutter

I'm pretty sure there are less painful ways of generating infinite wealth, so...

----------


## Taevyr

Furthering the WH40K theme:

*May not make a "Chaos Warband that say Nee"
**The seemingly immortal leader of said warband may not have a herring as his sole weakness
***Tasking the players with finding suitable shrubbery for Nurgle's Garden, however, is actually pretty entertaining.

----------


## noob

> I'm pretty sure there are less painful ways of generating infinite wealth, so...


But in that dnd edition gold could be used to gain xp and that trick was possible at level 1 so with that trick you could skip the whole "take unbelievable risks" step called adventuring before getting the old edition simulacrum which was fully overpowered.

----------


## Lord Torath

> I'm pretty sure there are less painful ways of generating infinite wealth, so...


After that first casting, you can afford to have a cleric cast Resist Heat or Protection from Fire and suffer no harm whatsoever.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> But in that dnd edition gold could be used to gain xp and that trick was possible at level 1 so with that trick you could skip the whole "take unbelievable risks" step called adventuring before getting the old edition simulacrum which was fully overpowered.


* Must not stop mumbling that the gold must be brought back to civilisation.

----------


## Darth Paul

* I am not allowed to drop my _Daern's Instant Fortress_ on top of the big villain whilst riding past right at the start of the climactic battle.
** No matter how much it annoys his nemesis the paladin, who had been psyching up to fight him all month.
*** And no matter how cool it looked driving him straight into the dirt like a Looney Toons character.

Speaking of that long-ago campaign;

* I am not allowed to keep a defeated enemy's skull in my backpack so that I can cast _Speak With Dead_ when I'm bored just to ask him, "Hot enough for ya down there?" Not if I want to keep my alignment, I'm not.
** The ranger is no longer allowed to activate his Feather Token while below decks on a ship at sea. Rocs and boats are not a good combination.

----------


## Bohandas

*Mystra's Weave is not a hairpiece

----------


## Wookieetank

*Vecna's eye may not be used in marbles
**While amusing conceptually, using Vecna's hand instead of a bottle for spin the bottle is right out.
***While unorthodox usage of Vecna's anything will indeed take me farther along the path to evil, it bothers the other players.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* The solution to squabbling over the hand of Vecna is not too grab a knife and ask the wizard to cast Plane Shift.

----------


## Bohandas

> So, "the Imperium implodes" doesn't mean all of humanity dies, no.


It might actually lead to humanity winning, without the ecclesiarchy and the adeptus mechanicus holding them back anymore.

----------


## danielxcutter

> * The solution to squabbling over the hand of Vecna is not too grab a knife and ask the wizard to cast Plane Shift.


What does that do again with that?

Also I have this mental image of Vecna temporarily controlling it long enough to flip the bird at someone and now you do too.

----------


## Metastachydium

> What does that do again with that?


(Come now, it's marvellously simple. You Plane Shift to where this Vecna guy is, cut off the other hand with your dagger, something something, and now you have two hands of Vecna (so you and your folks don't have to squabble over the one)!)

----------


## danielxcutter

> (Come now, it's marvellously simple. You Plane Shift to where this Vecna guy is, cut off the other hand with your dagger, something something, and now you have two hands of Vecna (so you and your folks don't have to squabble over the one)!)


Oh. To be fair it feels like I'm dying because I had an exam today and yesterday and those were the only two times I've set foot outside the house besides minor errands in what feels like months and HNNNNNNNNNNNNRGH

----------


## Bohandas

*There is no such artifact as the "Butt of Vecna"

----------


## Morphic tide

*I may not describe the party's Lawful Evil Swordsage as a Xianxia protagonist.
**I may not have the party's Totem Rager Blackblood Cultist be referred to as "The Blascowitz's estranged tribal cousin"
***I may not insist the party's Residual Magic Echoing Spell Practical Metamagic Sublime Chord always have boots to walk on water.
****I may not torturously ensure the party's metamagic abusing Incantatrix can never let go of their technically-not-hands workarounds or else immediately be forced to Silent Still everything.
*****I must not, under any circumstances, describe the level 30 fight against the Readied Action abusing high Fly speed Celestial-made Colossal Construct with a highly-optimized blasting Drilbu as "A Young Master, Shamanistic Doom Slayer, Kobold Yodeler Jesus, and Doctor Strange have brought Psychic Angelic Wing Zero upon themselves"

Edit: This is purely an exercise in making referential humor of some builds

*Spoiler: Explanation for Kobold Yodeler Jesus*
Show

The thing about Kobold Yodeler Jesus is that Echoing Spell lets you repeat spells at -4 CL until the CL is too low to cast the _base_ version of the spell, before metamagic adjustments, and metamagic shenanigans are mostly Arcane so to apply it to healing, which cares relatively little for CL, you pretty much need to go Bard. Which also buys you a +4 CL for a Bardic Music and DC 30 Perform check, alongside Arcane Thesis being another +2 CL, so you can Arcane Thesis Cure Severe Wounds at CL 26 for five instances, if we go with the minimum CL being 7 as a Bard spell.

You need Arcane Preparation to qualify for Echoing Spell, and for it to function properly, but this creates a much better end result than using a Death Master in an all-Undead party, as it takes a much smaller slice of your versatility and less investment since you only need the one extra feat of qualifications. And you can burn the slots when they're low CL for other things that scale by spell slots, such as using Master Wand to follow a casting with burning a last-use to apply your full static CL to a Cure Severe Wounds from the item without spending a charge of it off of Residual Magic.

Your Practical Metamagic (which requires Dragonblooded, hence Kobold) is actually probably going on Maximize, bringing it to only +1 spell level on Cure Serious Wounds and +2 elsewhere, so your 4th-level slots are Maximized for a lot more healing than Cure Critical Wounds at "base" and fit more varied multiplying metamagic in your higher-level slots, because you use Residual Magic to take each 4th level Echoing Cure Moderate Wounds and apply Echoing to another six slots, maybe seven if you can squeeze enough CL, regaining the spell slots in the process. Then when you need one of your other Known spells, you can burn the slot. It's an extremely huge amount of healing from very few slots, and if you have anything to consume spell slots separately from spellcasting you can perfectly well burn the Arcane Preparation slots after using them for healing several times.

Just the initial 5th-level CL 26 Echoing Cure Serious Wounds Echoes at CLs 22, 18, 14, and 10. With an Orange Prism, you increase these by 1 and get a sixth CL 7 instance. Together, this is 18d8+63 healing, average 144, from a single 5th-level slot. And each of these can carry Echoing Spell onto another spell slot with Cure Serious Wounds prepared thanks to Residual Magic's other mode, which allows you to copy a metamagic you put on a spell onto another copy of the spell cast in the next round, though this does not apply to external metamagic sources, including this function itself.

The underlying point of it is that you put a lot of feats into getting to be a high-power party healer from all of six spell slots while having terrible metamagic abuses available for other functions. You can also Practical Metamagic Echoing Spell itself to make it +2 spell levels elsewhere, allowing you to cast 7th-level power spells four times with a 9th-level slot on the job. And this is all just at level 20, you can do far worse madness in Epic. Like getting Permanent Emanation on Infernal Threnody/Hymn of Praise for a +2 CL on all your spellcasting, which may double your instances by applying each time. If we read it as allowing per-casting CL modifiers each time, you have the tools to have a second Arcane Thesis to slowly climb CLs on these 1/hour slots and load every metamagic you know into them


...If I knew "consume enemies for power" effects in 3.5 off the top of my head, I'd have included that in the Swordsage instead of directly stating Alignment.

----------


## Taevyr

*I may not recreate the "Ship of Theseus" thought experiment with Vecna's body parts

----------


## noob

> ...If I knew "consume enemies for power" effects in 3.5 off the top of my head, I'd have included that in the Swordsage instead of directly stating Alignment.


Those exists but basically can be obtained only by playing non humanoid characters(or using one specific psionic power but this power was underwhelming)

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not use playing a Getimian as an excuse to intentionally mispronounce Sidereal Exalted as "Side-reels"
** Not even if its perfectly in character for Getimians to not have any respect for them.
*** My Getimian does not come from Gunstar Autochthonia 
**** Or Heaven's Reach
***** Or Exalted Modern
****** My Getimian may not be obsessed with the correcting Creation so that it has more magitech
******* My Getimian is not an isekai protagonist from any version of Earth
******** They are not from alternate pasts
********* Nor are they from futures that will never happen.
********** Winter Caste Getimians do not come from worlds of literal eternal winter

* Liminals have other mortals they tie their thread of life to other than beautiful women who keep fires.
** May not see what happens if two Liminals above essence 3 link their life threads to each other
*** Liminals do not respawn near bonfires
**** Nor can they learn Dark Souls Pyromancy
***** My Liminal may not try to challenge run Creation in only their skivvies wielding only a club and wooden board shield
****** My Liminal does not have Melee specialization of "Parry God"
******* They may however Praise the Sun.

----------


## Bohandas

*"Drow" is not pronounced "Drew"
**"Paladine" is nor pronounced "Paula Deen"

----------


## Darth Paul

* I am not supposed to humiliate the GM in Traveler by designing a free trader that outguns half of his Starfleet. (Not the individual ships; half of the fleet at the same time.)

* I don't care if Rolemaster grants XP for kills; the Sorceror in my campaign is not supposed to level up 1 point at a time by testing his shock bolts on woodland creatures.

** Nor is the party allowed to ride peasants face first down the mountainside anymore and claim they've invented "serfing".

----------


## Lord Raziere

> *"Drow" is not pronounced "Drew"
> **"Paladine" is not pronounced "Paula Deen"


*** Sigil is apparently not pronounced "Sid-jil"
**** Apparently Gary's last name is not pronounced "Gai-gax" its "GHEE-Gax"
***** May not use "Gai-gax" anyways because that is what I've always said.

----------


## Bohandas

*The bomb from _Beneath the Planet of the Apes_ was not one of the deities that fought Sun Wukong

----------


## Eldan

> *** Sigil is apparently not pronounced "Sid-jil"
> **** Apparently Gary's last name is not pronounced "Gai-gax" its "GHEE-Gax"
> ***** May not use "Gai-gax" anyways because that is what I've always said.


More complciated than that... Gary G. himself was at least fine with Gai-Gax, may even have called himself that. The Swiss pronunciation is indeed different, something like you suggested, but but in interviews I've seen and so on, that's not what he seemed to use. He was born in America, but his father was Swiss, so presumably his father _would_ have pronounced his name that way.

----------


## Rockphed

> More complciated than that... Gary G. himself was at least fine with Gai-Gax, may even have called himself that. The Swiss pronunciation is indeed different, something like you suggested, but but in interviews I've seen and so on, that's not what he seemed to use. He was born in America, but his father was Swiss, so presumably his father _would_ have pronounced his name that way.


I have an ancestor with the surname of Titsler. When they moved to Wisconsin their daughter got much grief for the first letters thereof and eventually changed it to Tetzler. Her father and siblings followed suit. I don't know why Gygax would have changed his pronunciation, but his father might have gone along with it.

* Of I take a penalty to avoid military service, I should expect it to come up.
** "Prefers tropical paradise" is not worth any bonuses.

----------


## Bohandas

The comedian Mike Birbiglia has a bit about this sort of things. His delivery is much better than mine, but the gist of it is that when people tell him "In Italy it's pronounced Bir-bil-ia" he replies "Well, in America, you're annoying"

----------


## Rockphed

* While I can play a real person in Serpentfall, I cannot play John Wayne.
** Nor can I play Admiral James Stewart.
*** Bruce Lee is right out.

* While fictional characters are okay, I cannot play a young Hawkeye Pierce.
** Colonel Potter is okay, but know that he has been a desk jockey for quite a while and is liable to have all sorts of old person problems.
*** I do not get more bonus points from giving my old character old person problems.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* 'You lived' is not an excuse for friendly fire.
** Especially if we had to resurrect them.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* Solar Exalted are not the Chosen of Mary Sues
** Lunar Exalted are not the Chosen of Furries
*** Dragon-Blooded are not the Chosen of Zuko
**** Abyssals are not the Chosen of Ow, The Edge
***** Sidereals are not the Chosen of Obi-Wan Kenobi or James Bond
****** Alchemicals are not the Chosen of XJ-9
******* Infernals are not the Chosen of Renegade For Life
******** Liminals are not the Chosen of Dark Souls
********* Nor are Getimians the Chosen of Kingdoms of Amalur

----------


## Rater202

Even if the Iconic Infernal just goes naked all the time, mine still has to wear pants.

----------


## thorr-kan

> * While I can play a real person in Serpentfall, I cannot play John Wayne.
> ** Nor can I play Admiral James Stewart.
> *** Bruce Lee is right out.
> 
> * While fictional characters are okay, I cannot play a young Hawkeye Pierce.
> ** Colonel Potter is okay, but know that he has been a desk jockey for quite a while and is liable to have all sorts of old person problems.
> *** I do not get more bonus points from giving my old character old person problems.


Serpentfall?  You got to play in a The Day After Ragnarok game?!  Color me jealous.

I love Ken Hite's stuff.  And The Day After Ragnarok reads like an awesome setting to play in.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Even if the Iconic Infernal just goes naked all the time, mine still has to wear pants.


Huh, I've had occasional issues with characters who wear trousers but not shirts. Apparently lady lumps make all the difference no matter their size1.

1 Like, realistically you want support there even for and small breasts, but this was a fantasy game where well endowed elf maidens wore leaves.

----------


## Rockphed

> Serpentfall?  You got to play in a The Day After Ragnarok game?!  Color me jealous.
> 
> I love Ken Hite's stuff.  And The Day After Ragnarok reads like an awesome setting to play in.


Alas, I have not gotten to play any of The Day After Ragnarok. I have, however spent many an hour considering who I would play.

* "I roll to disbelieve" is not the vocal component of counterspell.

----------


## Eldan

**Neither is "I reject your reality and Substitute my own" for illusions.

----------


## noob

> **Neither is "I reject your reality and Substitute my own" for illusions.


*** I may not argue it is what you say for using the ability that allows to turn illusions real.

----------


## thorr-kan

> Alas, I have not gotten to play any of The Day After Ragnarok. I have, however spent many an hour considering who I would play.


Alas, I feel your pain.  I *might* be able to convince my group to give it a go, but there's just so much people want to run and play, and we just don't have enough time.




> * "I roll to disbelieve" is not the vocal component of counterspell.


Well, it is now!

*No longer allowed to try and make the session degenerate into the DM talking to himself, in character, in differing accents.  (This one's pointed at the whole Friday Night Gaming Group.  But we're gonna try again anyways.  Because that's how *we* Win At RPGs (TM).

----------


## Darth Paul

* My Bard does not get bonuses to his Performance skill for being a Rock Gnome.
** Also, he did not invent the electric guitar.
*** Not even if the druid can Call Lightning to power the amp.

----------


## BisectedBrioche

* If you and the DM both forget your character's invisible, that's too bad.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * May no longer suggest that the party's resident inter-racial (halfling and half-elf) gay couple assassinate the local duke by being flamboyantly, over-the-top gay in her presence and driving her into a rage-induced stroke.
> ** Even if she is an elderly, racist, xenophobic male-hating jerk with a weak heart. She's not a homophobe, just hates men as anything other than mobile baby-making devices, believing that's the will of the gods. Oh, and hates outsiders, magic users, and adventurers.
> ** Doing this may cause political consequences that undermine the whole point of trying to talk to her in the first place.


 In truth, those two needed adult supervision from ... uh, my bard.  Hmm, on second thought, maybe that would just have been more fuel to the fire ...  :Small Big Grin: 



> The point is more than using a weapon of mass destruction as a wedding ring is a no-no.


 You've given me an idea that runs into another no no

* I may no longer make artifacts that are a variation on the Rod of Seven Parts.  (Seven rings with seven gems of these colors - red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, indigo - that when worn on the same finger (slip one on after the other as they are found) ultimately allow any PC to cast Prismatic Spray seven times a day when going to Saint Ives as long as they have both a cat and a kitten ... well, you can see why I am not allowed to make artifacts anymore. 



> * May not smelt down six rings to make a rainbow ring.


 You were way ahead of me, but I went with all seven colors due to my the whole rod of seven parts thing ... 

** Also, not allowed to change the game world by using True Polymorph to permanently transform an object into a CR 9 Young Silver Dragon (concentrate long enough for it to be permanent) and introduce them to "a nice young silver dragon I just met last week" (yeah, I did the same thing to the week before) so that the breeding pairs of Silver Dragons increases substantially all over the game world.   DM has reviewed my plan and advised me that "well, for each dragon so created, where are you going to find a dragon's soul to inhabit that mortal coil?"  

*** And it was such a great idea, right?  :Small Smile: 

**** No longer allowed to create a simulacrum of a unicorn and then hire the simulacrum out to various horse breeders for (exorbitant) stud fees.   :Small Eek:  

***** And it was such a great idea, right?   :Small Wink:

----------


## noob

> In truth, those two needed adult supervision from ... uh, my bard.  Hmm, on second thought, maybe that would just have been more fuel to the fire ... 
>  You've given me an idea that runs into another no no
> 
> * I may no longer make artifacts that are a variation on the Rod of Seven Parts.  (Seven rings with seven gems of these colors - red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, indigo - that when worn on the same finger (slip one on after the other as they are found) ultimately allow any PC to cast Prismatic Spray seven times a day when going to Saint Ives as long as they have both a cat and a kitten ... well, you can see why I am not allowed to make artifacts anymore. 
>  You were way ahead of me, but I went with all seven colors due to my the whole rod of seven parts thing ... 
> 
> ** Also, not allowed to change the game world by using True Polymorph to permanently transform an object into a CR 9 Young Silver Dragon (concentrate long enough for it to be permanent) and introduce them to "a nice young silver dragon I just met last week" (yeah, I did the same thing to the week before) so that the breeding pairs of Silver Dragons increases substantially all over the game world.   DM has reviewed my plan and advised me that "well, for each dragon so created, where are you going to find a dragon's soul to inhabit that mortal coil?"  
> 
> *** And it was such a great idea, right? 
> ...


*** may not suggest: "I will polymorph a rock in a dragon soul too" nor may I ask "are the children of polymorphed rocks polymorphed rocks too?"

----------


## Lord Torath

> ** Also, not allowed to change the game world by using True Polymorph to permanently transform an object into a CR 9 Young Silver Dragon (concentrate long enough for it to be permanent) and introduce them to "a nice young silver dragon I just met last week" (yeah, I did the same thing to the week before) so that the breeding pairs of Silver Dragons increases substantially all over the game world.   DM has reviewed my plan and advised me that "well, for each dragon so created, where are you going to find a dragon's soul to inhabit that mortal coil?"


*** I may not True Polymorph a dead rat into a dead Great Wyrm Red Dragon permanently, and then butcher it for meat, dragonsscale armor, teeth, and alchemical components.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> *** may not suggest: "I will polymorph a rock in a dragon soul too" nor may I ask "are the children of polymorphed rocks polymorphed rocks too?"


 I like your sideways thinking there.  :Small Smile:  *Spoiler: more failure in the offing*
Show

But I am pretty sure that I can't sell the dragon soul creation since nowhere can I find the CR of a dragon soul to support my (vain) plea with.

* I am no longer allowed to create a simulacrum of a Deva (originally summoned via a cleric spell). The simulacrum then plays a song by the band Angel (Don't Leave Me Lonely) over and over again, as though it were on an 8 track tape. 
*Spoiler: True Confessions*
Show

I once owned that album, but it was on vinyl, not 8 track tape. I also once saw that band live; they opened for Styx. And as a DM, I had that song playing in the background when an angel appeared as part of a quest ... please don't hate me ... 


@LordTorath: I feel your pain.  :Small Big Grin:

----------


## Telok

> *** I may not True Polymorph a dead rat into a dead Great Wyrm Red Dragon permanently, and then butcher it for meat, dragonsscale armor, teeth, and alchemical components.


* The value of mermaid bones will be nerfed if I start farming mermaids for crafting.
** The only reason I can get away with using unicorns is because they breed slower than the average duration of the game.
*** Yup, _still_ not allowed to put DwarfFortress references in D&D games.

----------


## danielxcutter

Are mermaid bones worth anything? I mean, I guess human bones wouldnt be totally worthless if you know the right people to sell to so

----------


## Wookieetank

> Are mermaid bones worth anything? I mean, I guess human bones wouldnt be totally worthless if you know the right people to sell to so


In Dwarf Fortress, mermaid bones were worth a fair bit when mermaids were first introduced.  Once the creator found out about people setting up seaside mermaid farms to raise and murder mermaids just for their bones, he massively dropped their value out of horror.

----------


## danielxcutter

> In Dwarf Fortress, mermaid bones were worth a fair bit when mermaids were first introduced.  Once the creator found out about people setting up seaside mermaid farms to raise and murder mermaids just for their bones, he massively dropped their value out of horror.


{Scrubbed} thats horrifying.

Also I do remember that there was something like that in _The Lives of Christopher Chant_. The main character becomes aversive to salmon because of it. I do recommend the series in general, really.

----------


## Bohandas

I mean, half the game is about dismemberment and insanity anyway

----------


## Anonymouswizard

To be fair to the stone-dragon polymorph plan, dragons are the bards of the monster world. So what your GM is saying is that the rock is less likely to produce offspring while polymorphed.


* I cannot put all my relationship points into having earned the Great Gold Wyrm's wrath.
** I cannot justify it with having stolen his backstratcher and sold it to the first criminal I met.

----------


## TeChameleon

* Naming my Aarakocra Monk "Paulie", while allowed, is not encouraged.
** Naming him "Karl Douglas" will get things thrown at me.

* There is no such thing as a Brown Lantern.
** I am not allowed to try and create one, and nobody wants to hear what emotion they would be.
*** 'Flatulence' is not an emotion.  Also, refer to the previous rule.

----------


## dspeyer

> ** Also, he did not invent the electric guitar.
> *** Not even if the druid can Call Lightning to power the amp.


**** Cannot use magic lightning to power a convey of electric jeeps
***** Especially not if the magic drawback is "you have to talk to a devil who can try to tempt you" and he no longer wants to talk to us
******* Especially especially if we're looking for opportunities to taunt him

----------


## Lord Raziere

* My Arbitrator may realize that the Imperium has made so many laws that practically everything is illegal or outlawed on some level and thus it doesn't matter what they enforce
** My Arbitrator may not confiscate anything they want just so they can get food and new weapons
*** My Arbitrator may not enforce law in a hive my just pointing their gun in random directions and firing, reasoning that the las bolts will in all likelihood hit someone who did something worthy of execution.
**** My Arbitrator's reasoning for why my party can do illegal things while others can't may not be "they're Inquisitors, they have clearance." 
***** May not attempt to be a "loose cannon Arbitrator who doesn't play by the rules."
****** How did you go through the Schola Progenium while being this corrupt!?
******* "Ciaphas Cain went through the same and he wasn't stock zealot Commissar either" is not an answer

----------


## danielxcutter

> * My Arbitrator may realize that the Imperium has made so many laws that practically everything is illegal or outlawed on some level and thus it doesn't matter what they enforce
> ** My Arbitrator may not confiscate anything they want just so they can get food and new weapons
> *** My Arbitrator may not enforce law in a hive my just pointing their gun in random directions and firing, reasoning that the las bolts will in all likelihood hit someone who did something worthy of execution.
> **** My Arbitrator's reasoning for why my party can do illegal things while others can't may not be "they're Inquisitors, they have clearance." 
> ***** May not attempt to be a "loose cannon Arbitrator who doesn't play by the rules."
> ****** How did you go through the Schola Progenium while being this corrupt!?
> ******* "Ciaphas Cain went through the same and he wasn't stock zealot Commissar either" is not an answer


I think someone did that once, if not in this thread. Maybe the one before? Its not the first time I saw this one.

----------


## Telok

> Jesus Christ on a frankfurter, thats horrifying.
> 
> Also I do remember that there was something like that in _The Lives of Christopher Chant_. The main character becomes aversive to salmon because of it. I do recommend the series in general, really.


Well then, don't look up the dwarven daycare system either.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> Well then, don't look up the dwarven daycare system either.


Or really anything else about Dwarf Fortress, for that matter.

----------


## Bohandas

It's the only game I know of where the stench of rotting corpses is a major game mechanic

----------


## Eldan

> * The value of mermaid bones will be nerfed if I start farming mermaids for crafting.
> ** The only reason I can get away with using unicorns is because they breed slower than the average duration of the game.
> *** Yup, _still_ not allowed to put DwarfFortress references in D&D games.


Tangent again, but we did once have a Duergar character (he had to be from an evil civilization for the backstory to work) who had spent his entire childhood naked in a pit with various animals, beating them to death with his bare hands to become the greatest wrestler of all time. 

It was actually a fun character concept.

----------


## Eldan

> It's the only game I know of where the stench of rotting corpses is a major game mechanic


Space Station 13. It's the only game I know where throwing rotting corpses at an enemy so they fall over vomiting and can't defend themselves is a viable tactic.

----------


## noob

> * My Arbitrator may realize that the Imperium has made so many laws that practically everything is illegal or outlawed on some level and thus it doesn't matter what they enforce
> ** My Arbitrator may not confiscate anything they want just so they can get food and new weapons
> *** My Arbitrator may not enforce law in a hive my just pointing their gun in random directions and firing, reasoning that the las bolts will in all likelihood hit someone who did something worthy of execution.


**** May not insist that what matters is for Arbitrators to shoot at people then justify which law justifying death penalty applied to the situation.
***** May not argue you should shoot at half of the people in the town because they "looked sightly heretical from far" even if you would rarely ever shoot non heretics that way.
****** Being dirty, unclean or using equipment in a state of neglect is not a 100% guaranteed proof of being heretical even if that rule works surprisingly reliably.

----------


## danielxcutter

> **** May not insist that what matters is for Arbitrators to shoot at people then justify which law justifying death penalty applied to the situation.
> ***** May not argue you should shoot at half of the people in the town because they "looked sightly heretical from far" even if you would rarely ever shoot non heretics that way.
> ****** Being dirty, unclean or using equipment in a state of neglect is not a 100% guaranteed proof of being heretical even if that rule works surprisingly reliably.


I suspect that this is unironically and depressingly common in the canon Imperium anyways.

----------


## Wookieetank

> Tangent again, but we did once have a Duergar character (he had to be from an evil civilization for the backstory to work) who had spent his entire childhood naked in a pit with various animals, beating them to death with his bare hands to become the greatest wrestler of all time. 
> 
> It was actually a fun character concept.


Did they have a direcat companion?

----------


## Eldan

> Did they have a direcat companion?


No, but he had an irrational phobia of elves because his parents told them they were cannibals.

----------


## Wookieetank

> No, but he had an irrational phobia of elves because his parents told them they were cannibals.


Bwahahaha, serves those shifty eyed tree hugging hippies right.

*When playing dwarven characters, may not blame elves for the worlds woe's
**Even if I'm right
***May not convince the non-elven nations to declare war on the elves pre-emptively based on nothing more than my say so that they're untrustworthy, and up to no good.

----------


## danielxcutter

I'm guessing the direcat thing is a reference.

----------


## Eldan

> I'm guessing the direcat thing is a reference.


The entire conversation is a reference to Dwarf Fortress. It's a very... memetic game. Because it goes deep on the simulation in ways that allows many weird interactions.

----------


## Wookieetank

> The entire conversation is a reference to Dwarf Fortress. It's a very... memetic game. Because it goes deep on the simulation in ways that allows many weird interactions.


Dwarfs also tend to adopt cats as pets, and whole games can be lost due to cat population explosions which will crash your fps into single digits making it unplayable.  Losing is Fun!

----------


## Morphic tide

> Dwarfs also tend to adopt cats as pets, and whole games can be lost due to cat population explosions which will crash your fps into single digits making it unplayable.  Losing is Fun!


No no no, the cats adopt the Dorfs. This is in fact a specific feature, as most other pets are indeed adopted by the decision of the dorf in question. It's _just_ the cats.

----------


## Wookieetank

> No no no, the cats adopt the Dorfs. This is in fact a specific feature, as most other pets are indeed adopted by the decision of the dorf in question. It's _just_ the cats.


Heh, didn't know about that, but then I avoided cats as much as I could for the longest time d/t playing on older computers and knowing their inherent threat to game stability.

*May not derail yet another thread with conversation about Dwarf Fortress
**Urist McFistbeard, does not have a prehensile beard that can make a fist shape
***Nor does he have an extra fist attached to his chin hidden behind his beard.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

To be fair, while it's been a while since I've not had a PC freeze while generating history, I remember it being pretty hard to avoid war with elves. I see no issue to getting a headstart on the inevitable.

* There are dwarf names other then Urist.
* My dwarf ranger must wear more than socks and cloaks.
* The first anvil was not gifted to mortal races by Urist Uristdotter, high God of the dwarves.
* I cannot take Phobia; Carp.


My PC suites successfully run Gnomoria for some reason, maybe I should play the inferior version.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> My PC suites successfully run Gnomoria for some reason, maybe I should play the inferior version.


 I thought Gnomoria was a venereal disease.   :Small Cool:  TIL...

----------


## vasilidor

*may not use the ability to be (and turn things) selectively intangible to replace the insides of chocolates with mustard.
** or sour kraught.
*** or any kind of cheese.

----------


## Rater202

I can't attempt to interrogate a prisoner by asking a companion to bring me "the drills, the files, the players, the calipers, the syringes, and the disc of the _Little Shop of Horrors_ soundtrack."

----------


## Wookieetank

> *may not use the ability to be (and turn things) selectively intangible to replace the insides of chocolates with mustard.


semi-related
*When the DM uses a tower only substantial in moonlight as a dungeon, I'm not allowed to one shot the boss by tossing a lit torch at their feet and making them fall through the floor several stories to their doom.
**May not cackle loudly when the party manages to make the DM BSOD more than once in an adventure.

----------


## Eldan

Related to that and actually happend:
**If the Tower is only tangible in moonlight, do NOT build a giant Parasol to blot out the moon over the entire tower.

----------


## Kareeah_Indaga

> *** or any kind of cheese.


There _is_ a chocolate-flavored cheese in existence.

----------


## vasilidor

> There _is_ a chocolate-flavored cheese in existence.


but would you want to risk eating a chocolate that had an unknown cheese place by a guy who would pick the most vile cheese he can find?

----------


## Rater202

If my warrior princess keeps insisting that NPCs pay her tribute by kissing her feet, eventually the GM will make one of them... _into_ it.

----------


## Bohandas

There is no space marine chapter with the motto "Ad Infinitum Et Ultra"

----------


## danielxcutter

Translation?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> but would you want to risk eating a chocolate that had an unknown cheese place by a guy who would pick the most vile cheese he can find?


Chocolate with charcoal cheese?

Do I at least get quince?




> If my warrior princess keeps insisting that NPCs pay her tribute by kissing her feet, eventually the GM will make one of them... _into_ it.


Hey, it's a fantasy game. Who are you to say which fantasies can't be included?

* 'It's a fantasy game' is no excuse for making monogamy illegal in-setting.
** Or culturally frowned upon.
*** Must admit that not everybody agrees work my lifestyle choices.

----------


## Silly Name

> Translation?


"To infinity and beyond", Buzz Lightyear's catchphrase.

----------


## Rockphed

> There is no space marine chapter with the motto "Ad Infinitum Et Ultra"


** They certainly do not wear white armor with green highlights.
*** Nor do they equip all their members with las-pistol arms.
**** They certainly do not engage in Heresy by consorting with xenos.
***** They are not a rare uncorrupted Horus chapter.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I must stop using other players as units of measurement.

----------


## Rater202

*"Because I felt like it" is not an adequate reason for why I felt the need to terraform and colonize mars with my vast supernatural powers and declared it the new capital of the Sol system.
**The X-Men did it" is not an excuse, defense, or justification.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Cannot suggest that maybe the branding isn't helping with the entire prejudice thing, and that we should rebrand to something more like 'the Still-Men'.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* My Getimian's backstory may not be "I was so awesome I became best friends with the Scarlet Empress and all the Incarnae."
** Especially not so I can use that one charm to summon them from my Origin as five dot allies to help me out.
*** That goes double for the fetich souls of the Yozis
**** the "Best Friends With Your Boss" Getimian build will never become a thing.

* Persona 5 is not an example of Getimians
** May not try to make Getimians in the style of Persona 5 anyways.

----------


## danielxcutter

> * My Getimian's backstory may not be "I was so awesome I became best friends with the Scarlet Empress and all the Incarnae."
> ** Especially not so I can use that one charm to summon them from my Origin as five dot allies to help me out.
> *** That goes double for the fetich souls of the Yozis
> **** the "Best Friends With Your Boss" Getimian build will never become a thing.
> 
> * Persona 5 is not an example of Getimians
> ** May not try to make Getimians in the style of Persona 5 anyways.


Isnt the entire point of Exalted doing impossibly awesome things?

----------


## Rater202

*I cannot write a description of my underage PC being tortured for the amusement of people who own her as a slave that is horrific and gets the point across without ver actually saying what the hell they did to her.
**At the very least, I should take care to avoid accidentally implying rape.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

* No longer allowed to roll nothing but 1s and 2s (ok, up to 5), especially for saving throws.

*Spoiler: Seriously*
Show


My big-boy bosses? Didn't take a single action because they got hypnotic patterned/hold monster'd right off the bat and then rolled nothing but 1s and 2s for saves until they'd died. One of them was rolling at advantage. A pair of 1s. Gah. My dice hate me and love my players. When I was rolling for the friendly NPCs that joined them? 18, 19, 15, etc. For the enemies? 1-5. No need to fudge dice when they legitimately hate you anyway.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> Isnt the entire point of Exalted doing impossibly awesome things?


Yes. but the impossible awesomeness of literally conjuring alternate never-come-to-pass versions of the Incarnae, Her Redness and Ligier to fight for you at Essence 3 is probably so impossibly awesome something that no GM would ever allow despite it being a charm in the Essence preview and a section of the fandom that wants to take Exalted seriously would find it over the top and not defending a random podunk region of Creation while playing out tragedies of humanity enough. But then such people dislike and will disallow Getimians anyways on general principle simply because they're not Solars hogging the spotlight, so I'm not really inclined to care or care favorably about what they think.

* May not start a campaign, fanfic, or anything called "Exalted Done Wrong" to make fun of the fandom by parodying various parts of Creation and taking all the events in its history as irreverently as possible.
** The Games of Divinity may not turn out to be Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth-Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker, which of course just turns out to be Yu-Gi-Oh!
*** May not treat the Solar Exalted like Ultramarines.

----------


## dspeyer

> *I cannot write a description of my underage PC being tortured for the amusement of people who own her as a slave that is horrific and gets the point across without ever actually saying what the hell they did to her.
> **At the very least, I should take care to avoid accidentally implying rape.


*** May not write a long, detailed, explicit and historically researched account of torture into my backstory either

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> *I cannot write a description of my underage PC being tortured for the amusement of people who own her as a slave that is horrific and gets the point across without ver actually saying what the hell they did to her.
> **At the very least, I should take care to avoid accidentally implying rape.


*** This does not mean I should intentionally imply it.
**** Even if it's too justify a really horrible death.

----------


## Rater202

> *** This does not mean I should intentionally imply it.
> **** Even if it's too justify a really horrible death.


Eh... Not comfortable with that. Barring some very specific exceptions, rape is one of the worst things you can do to someone, but treating it as an inherently unforgivable special super evil as a shorthand for "this is a bad dude" sort of... Trivializes it.

Not to mention that it means that in those rare exceptions, it becomes harder to judge someone fairly: I've been called a rape apologist for arguing that it's not fair to condemn a character for crimes he committed as a ten-yer-old because he grew up in what was basically a cult and his toxic family told him it was okay.

Never mind that he stopped doing it when he realized that no, his family was full of crap and he was just hurting people for no good reason, or that he regrets doing it despite the fact that overexposure to his father's Killgrave-esque emotion control powers have rendered him emotionally dead.

Besides, even ignoring the overuse of "Rape is a Special Kind of Evil," using rape as a shorthand for "this character is evil and deserves a karmic death" is just _lazy._

There are all kinds of horrible things that are just as bad, maybe even worse, that your villain can do to people... You just have to be a little creative...

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Eh... Not comfortable with that. Barring some very specific exceptions, rape is one of the worst things you can do to someone, but treating it as an inherently unforgivable special super evil as a shorthand for "this is a bad dude" sort of... Trivializes it.
> 
> Not to mention that it means that in those rare exceptions, it becomes harder to judge someone fairly: I've been called a rape apologist for arguing that it's not fair to condemn a character for crimes he committed as a ten-yer-old because he grew up in what was basically a cult and his toxic family told him it was okay.
> 
> Never mind that he stopped doing it when he realized that no, his family was full of crap and he was just hurting people for no good reason, or that he regrets doing it despite the fact that overexposure to his father's Killgrave-esque emotion control powers have rendered him emotionally dead.
> 
> Besides, even ignoring the overuse of "Rape is a Special Kind of Evil," using rape as a shorthand for "this character is evil and deserves a karmic death" is just _lazy._
> 
> There are all kinds of horrible things that are just as bad, maybe even worse, that your villain can do to people... You just have to be a little creative...


To be fair, in my mind it's probably not the study thing in that scenario. It's an element I rarely include, and it's normally about imbalances and abuses of power rather than somebody being moustache twirlingly evil. But abuses of power are something I tend to hope my players take very seriously, up to 'violently dismantle the system' in some genres1.

It's also something to use to suggest that maybe somebody's going a bit far. Sure somebody who's committed it deserve to have to struggle to rebuild their reputation? Yes. Do they deserve to be dangled over a vat of acid and lowered in at a millimetre per minute? My PC's probably going too far.

1 Primarily cyberpunk.

----------


## danielxcutter

> To be fair, in my mind it's probably not the study thing in that scenario. It's an element I rarely include, and it's normally about imbalances and abuses of power rather than somebody being moustache twirlingly evil. But abuses of power are something I tend to hope my players take very seriously, up to 'violently dismantle the system' in some genres1.
> 
> It's also something to use to suggest that maybe somebody's going a bit far. Sure somebody who's committed it deserve to have to struggle to rebuild their reputation? Yes. Do they deserve to be dangled over a vat of acid and lowered in at a millimetre per minute? My PC's probably going too far.
> 
> 1 Primarily cyberpunk.


I mean it probably depends on the character, table, and system(if nothing else Im sure more than a few games have rules for being resistant/immune to acid).

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I mean it probably depends on the character, table, and system(if nothing else Im sure more than a few games have rules for being resistant/immune to acid).


Molten metal is also acceptable (or liquid nitrogen if they also have heat resistance, I can come up with a long list if a GM keeps adding immunities). The point is more that it's needlessly excruciating to the extreme, and that if I have a PC that indulges in such actions then my PC is probably a hypocrite even if they have some kind of point.

Yes, I sometimes expect PCs to be brutal antiheroes. But they're also expected to have some level of mercy.

* If my deathtraps are crueler than the villains' I should retire my character.
** How about I play a paladin instead?

----------


## danielxcutter

> Molten metal is also acceptable (or liquid nitrogen if they also have heat resistance, I can come up with a long list if a GM keeps adding immunities). The point is more that it's needlessly excruciating to the extreme, and that if I have a PC that indulges in such actions then my PC is probably a hypocrite even if they have some kind of point.
> 
> Yes, I sometimes expect PCs to be brutal antiheroes. But they're also expected to have some level of mercy.
> 
> * If my deathtraps are crueler than the villains' I should retire my character.
> ** How about I play a paladin instead?


Oh huh, I misread that as your PC deserving yo be dipped in acid like that initially. But yeah I get what you mean if the game allows for a shred of basic decency. Not every system is Paranoia or WH40K I guess. Or something like that, pretty sure there are a few more where the default morality for a PC is complete bastard, but most arent.

----------


## thorr-kan

> * I must stop using other players as units of measurement.


Why?

*I will continue to reference my college suitemate as a unit of volume.  But I acknowledge using that unit of volume to measure vehicle trunk space is...touchy.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> Why?


I concur in the questioning. We absolutely use [the group's halfling paladin heights] as a unit of measure roughly equal to a meter.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Why?


Because people find my use of arbitrary units weird for some reason. I'll latch onto anything convenient if it'll simplify calculations.




> I concur in the questioning. We absolutely use [the group's halfling paladin heights] as a unit of measure roughly equal to a meter.


Real people don't always like it when you point out their their height/weight is a really useful number. Even if you got the information directly from them.

Using characters as units, that's fair game. One bard being equal to 103 illegitimate births and all.

----------


## Rockphed

> Because people find my use of arbitrary units weird for some reason. I'll latch onto anything convenient if it'll simplify calculations.
> 
> 
> 
> Real people don't always like it when you point out their their height/weight is a really useful number. Even if you got the information directly from them.
> 
> Using characters as units, that's fair game. One bard being equal to 103 illegitimate births and all.


My serial bigamist bard takes umbrage at your insinuation that his children are illegitimate.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> Real people don't always like it when you point out their their height/weight is a really useful number. Even if you got the information directly from them.
> 
> Using characters as units, that's fair game. One bard being equal to 103 illegitimate births and all.


I can understand that.

* I'm no longer allowed to have a particular bard NPC who is directly related to a significant portion of a nation's half-elf population. Especially since he did so by being immune to ageing[1] and "interfacing" at multiple points along the way.

[1] he's not immortal, he just doesn't age. Not particularly strong either, just has ~250 years of blackmail on everyone and is really really good at running away.

----------


## danielxcutter

> Using characters as units, that's fair game. One bard being equal to 103 illegitimate births and all.


_(*sniggers immensely*)_

----------


## Bohandas

> There are all kinds of horrible things that are just as bad, maybe even worse, that your villain can do to people... You just have to be a little creative...


And if you need help, that's a good excuse to look up horror movies. They could sew people together, or tear them apart with hooked chains, or trick them into eating human flesh, or frame them for murder, or force them to saw their own leg off to avoid being killed

----------


## Eldan

> Because people find my use of arbitrary units weird for some reason. I'll latch onto anything convenient if it'll simplify calculations.
> 
> 
> 
> Real people don't always like it when you point out their their height/weight is a really useful number. Even if you got the information directly from them.
> 
> Using characters as units, that's fair game. One bard being equal to 103 illegitimate births and all.


I remember us once using the group barbarian as a unit of cluelessness.

----------


## danielxcutter

> I remember us once using the group barbarian as a unit of cluelessness.


Were most measurements over or under that unit?

----------


## Silly Name

* I may no longer make an NPC squad of evil opposites from a parallel universe attack the PCs
** Especially if they're stronger than the PCs
*** Especially if half the party is Neutral and thus "evil opposites" don't make sense
**** No, the opposite of Neutral is not Protean
***** Puns are banned forever

----------


## Eldan

> Were most measurements over or under that unit?


It's been a while, I think it only came up two or three times. I remember one particular NPC being something like 800 milliThogs (the name wasn't Thog, but I don't recall it.) And after it had come up several times, the party wizard screwed up really badly, at which point the barbarian proceeded to call him the KiloThog for the rest of the adventure.

----------


## danielxcutter

> It's been a while, I think it only came up two or three times. I remember one particular NPC being something like 800 milliThogs (the name wasn't Thog, but I don't recall it.)


Heh.




> And after it had come up several times, the party wizard screwed up really badly, at which point the barbarian proceeded to call him the KiloThog for the rest of the adventure.


_*actually laughs out loud*_

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * No longer allowed to roll nothing but 1s and 2s (ok, up to 5), especially for saving throws.


 Your dice will love you again next time ... really. Next time it will be different. 
* I can never again attempt to evoke abused DM syndrome from the DMs cruel and heartless dice ...  :Small Cool: 




> * I'm no longer allowed to have a particular bard NPC who is directly related to a significant portion of a nation's half-elf population. Especially since he did so by being immune to ageing[1] and "interfacing" at multiple points along the way.
> 
> [1] he's not immortal, he just doesn't age. Not particularly strong either, just has ~250 years of blackmail on everyone and is really really good at running away.


 Just gonna go on record and say that I think that NPC is pretty neat as an NPC. Knowledge is power, right?  :Small Big Grin:

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> My serial bigamist bard takes umbrage at your insinuation that his children are illegitimate.


You're sure they're a bard and not a minstrel?

----------


## Bohandas

*Bikini Bottom is not a suburb or R'Lyeh

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> *Bikini Bottom is not a suburb or R'Lyeh


R'Lyeh is much too sane for that.

----------


## Rater202

*My Infernal can't, under any circumstances, learn Autochthon's charms.
**I cannot create a series of heretical charms based on a combination of Malean and Autocthonian charms that let me turn into a giant radioactive killer robot.
***In part because I should already be able to do that.
****Nor can I use Malfean and Autochthonian hybrid heretical charms to expand Spirit of the Living World to project my inner world as a fully automated city-planet orbiting creation.
*****My city-planet self cannot be the Death Star.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* Nor can my Infernal learn under any circumstances, learn Getimian charms
** My origin timeline cannot be a world I project outward from myself next to Creation

* My Getimians cannot summon Nocturnals, Eternals or other fan splats from their Origin
** Or even Hearteaters, Dream-Souled or Umbrals
*** No summoning things from previous editions!
**** Summoning Prince Balor of the Terrible Gaze is right out

----------


## Rater202

I'm not familiar with Eternals as a fansplat.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> I'm not familiar with Eternals as a fansplat.


Neither am I. but apparently they exist they're 2e though, so not really in my good books just from that alone, while Nocturnals are basically proto-Getimians without the more reality-breaking aspects, so less interesting now.

* My Water Aspect Magistrate may not have an Archon that is a Night Caste who is still loyal to her magistrate
**My Magistrate may not team up with the All-Seeing Eye, the outcastes of Paisap's Stair, the disenfranchised of the Blessed Isle, and the Cadet houses to form an alliance against the Great Houses so they can make a more fair Realm while freeing slaves and truly reform the system rather than just replacing one Empress with another.

----------


## dspeyer

System author edition:

* The combat system should be more detailed than "make opposing violence rolls"
* There is no need for a "perspective on theodicy" line on the character sheet
* The language learning rules should not specify different DCs for different real-world languages based on grammatical complexity
** And definitely not based on phonemics
* The most accessible spell should not be Kill Self

(May not stick in a link to the system)

----------


## Mandark

> I can't attempt to interrogate a prisoner by asking a companion to bring me "the drills, the files, the players, the calipers, the syringes, and the disc of the _Little Shop of Horrors_ soundtrack."



*Or if I do, I must use the correct song.
** " Somewhere That's Green" is not the correct song.
*** Nor is "The Meek Shall Inherent".

I do wonder how you plan on using "*the players*" for the interrogation though. Seems kinda intense.

----------


## Mandark

> There is no space marine chapter with the motto "Ad Infinitum Et Ultra"


*There is no space marine chapter with the motto "Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati"

----------


## Bohandas

> *There is no space marine chapter with the motto "Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati"


Translation? Google translate's not giving me anything on this one.

----------


## ideasmith

> Translation? Google translate's not giving me anything on this one.


According to a quick Google search: "Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati" (pseudo-Latin for "When all else fails, play dead").

----------


## SpyOne

It is the motto of the Possum Lodge, the fictional fraternal organization whose HQ was the setting for the Red Green Show, which was a comedy framed as a cable-access show from remote rural Canada.
After stating their motto, members would recite "The Man's Prayer": "I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> System author edition:
> 
> * The combat system should be more detailed than "make opposing violence rolls"
> * There is no need for a "perspective on theodicy" line on the character sheet
> * The language learning rules should not specify different DCs for different real-world languages based on grammatical complexity
> ** And definitely not based on phonemics
> * The most accessible spell should not be Kill Self
> 
> (May not stick in a link to the system)


I don't see anything wrong with that. Although I do hope that the language rules take into account language families as well.

Killing yourself with magic should logically be very easy. Like, just do something random, chances are you kill yourself.

* I cannot require players to buy the literacy skill per language.
** Especially if the game doesn't have a literacy skill.
*** Cannot penalise characters for not taking points in penmanship.

My own game design ones:
* My post-apocalypse game should include a table of useful mutations.
** It cannot instead have a discussion of the realistic consequences of exposure to high radiation levels and a take of random magic/,psionic powers.
* My game should make a distinction between massive and psionics.
** No, it doesn't matter if nobody in the setting would.
* A light pistol should be able to inflict damage on an endgame character.
** Inflicting damage should kill characters.
* Should finish the first draft of the game before posting about it on threads.

----------


## Rater202

I have better things to do than staging an all-mutant production of _The Mikado._

----------


## danielxcutter

> I don't see anything wrong with that. Although I do hope that the language rules take into account language families as well.
> 
> Killing yourself with magic should logically be very easy. Like, just do something random, chances are you kill yourself.


I think that might depend on which kind of magic and how magic in general works in the setting, but most of the time it can't be _harder_ to kill yourself unless it also gives you resistance/immunity to it.

Also might not be related to that guy's point but if the highest probability result of using magic in a system is "die" and magic is supposed to be reasonably accessible by PCs then you're probably doing something wrong.




> * I cannot require players to buy the literacy skill per language.
> ** Especially if the game doesn't have a literacy skill.
> *** Cannot penalise characters for not taking points in penmanship.
> 
> My own game design ones:
> * My post-apocalypse game should include a table of useful mutations.
> ** It cannot instead have a discussion of the realistic consequences of exposure to high radiation levels and a take of random magic/,psionic powers.
> * My game should make a distinction between *massive* and psionics.
> ** No, it doesn't matter if nobody in the setting would.
> ...


Any sufficient application of mass is indistinguishable from psionics.  :Small Tongue:  Unless that was just another case of autoincorrect. :P

----------


## Telok

> I have better things to do than staging an all-mutant production of _The Mikado._


Right. You should stage _The Mutants of Penzance_ first.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I may never quote Gilbert & Sullivan jokes.
** What, never?
*** No, never!
**** What, never?
***** Hardly ever.

----------


## thorr-kan

> * I may never quote Gilbert & Sullivan jokes.
> ** What, never?
> *** No, never!
> **** What, never?
> ***** Hardly ever.


Reread John Ford's _How Much For Just The Planet?_ and reconsider certain poor life choices.   :Small Cool: 

(Star Trek Gilbert & Sullivan.  IN SPACE!)

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * I may never quote Gilbert & Sullivan jokes.
> ** What, never?
> *** No, never!
> **** What, never?
> ***** Hardly ever.


 _Love levels all ranks. 
_ (brilliant post) 
* I may no longer role play a bard (female, human) enduring that difficult time of the month by 
*Spoiler: Joke in horribly bad taste - you have been warned*
Show

 having her sing "A Wand'ring Menstruel, I" (song parody from Mkiado, and no, I will not post the lyrics - this was back in AD&D days)

----------


## Laughing Dog

*I may not name my character Genocide.
**That character should not live up to said name.
***... Especially not repeatedly.
****If said character encounters (what is effectively) an opposite alignment clone, said character probably shouldn't be the better person.

----------


## danielxcutter

> *I may not name my character Genocide.
> **That character should not live up to said name.
> ***... Especially not repeatedly.
> ****If said character encounters (what is effectively) an opposite alignment clone, said character probably shouldn't be the better person.


*Familicide is also out.

----------


## Wookieetank

> *Familicide is also out.


**Deicide,  while admirably ambitious, is also not recommended.

----------


## TeChameleon

> **Deicide,  while admirably ambitious, is also not recommended.


* If my character has reached power levels where _accidental_ deicide is on the table, it is time to retire that character.
** godslaying with _Magic Missile_ is just showing off.




> Reread John Ford's _How Much For Just The Planet?_ and reconsider certain poor life choices.  
> 
> (Star Trek Gilbert & Sullivan.  IN SPACE!)


Great book, one of all-time favourite Trek books.  "Plan C" indeed  :Small Tongue:

----------


## danielxcutter

> * If my character has reached power levels where _accidental_ deicide is on the table, it is time to retire that character.
> ** godslaying with _Magic Missile_ is just showing off.


I know this is a joke, but isn't Magic Missile one of the better options for that anyways? There's approximately one god who's immune to force damage and I'm sure there are ways to get around the other defenses.

----------


## noob

> I know this is a joke, but isn't Magic Missile one of the better options for that anyways? There's approximately one god who's immune to force damage and I'm sure there are ways to get around the other defenses.


Shield automatically stops magic missile and a god can probably get it as an instantaneous effect with alter reality or some other silly broken shenanigans(then you stop their shenanigans with your even more broken shenanigans).

----------


## Wookieetank

> Shield automatically stops magic missile and a god can probably get it as an instantaneous effect with alter reality or some other silly broken shenanigans(then you stop their shenanigans with your even more broken shenanigans).


*May not use a god's own powerset to take them out
**Using this as an argument that I'm better suited as said god is allowed, grudgingly

----------


## thorr-kan

> Great book, one of all-time favourite Trek books.  "Plan C" indeed


Only Star Trek book I was ever able to do a school book report on.

If I'd been aware of Gilbert & Sullivan, and if I'd been aware of the connection, that book report would probably have passed me for English class for all of high school.  As is, I'll settle for the grade, and the teacher's admission that some properties can sometimes transition successfully to some other media.  :Small Smile:

----------


## Rater202

*I cannot market an experimental super-soldier serum as a cure for acne.
**Even if it does, in fact, cure acne as a side effect.
***I cannot list every other effect of the serum on the packaging as a potential side-effect.
****Even if I include the other potential side effects.
*****Stating that anyone who uses the product agrees to be monitored, kidnapped, and subjected to a host of extremely invasive tests up to and including vivisection on the package is not a legally binding contract.
****** "It wasn't even fine print" is not a defense that will hold up in court.
*******I need to actually hire test subjects with informed consent, reasonable tests, and adequate monetary compensation.

----------


## danielxcutter

> *I cannot market an experimental super-soldier serum as a cure for acne.
> **Even if it does, in fact, cure acne as a side effect.
> ***I cannot list every other effect of the serum on the packaging as a potential side-effect.
> ****Even if I include the other potential side effects.
> *****Stating that anyone who uses the product agrees to be monitored, kidnapped, and subjected to a host of extremely invasive tests up to and including vivisection on the package is not a legally binding contract.
> ****** "It wasn't even fine print" is not a defense that will hold up in court.
> *******I need to actually hire test subjects with informed consent, reasonable tests, and adequate monetary compensation.


I assume that would be illegal anyways IRL? Also, if you advertise it as super soldier serum you'd probably have _loads_ of volunteers.

----------


## JAL_1138

*May not give a housecat a fitted bulletproof vest with pouches to carry my spare mags and a first aid kit.
**Even if the GMs response is the Ill allow it gif.
***Its still a housecat; its going to bolt as soon as anybody starts shooting, and then I wont have my spare ammo or first-aid kit.
****I cant afford the point cost to make it trained, obedient, and brave enough to stay nearby in combat.

----------


## Rater202

I can't play as a house cat and be another PCs familiar or animal companion.

----------


## Wookieetank

> *May not give a housecat a fitted bulletproof vest with pouches to carry my spare mags and a first aid kit.
> **Even if the GMs response is the Ill allow it gif.
> ***Its still a housecat; its going to bolt as soon as anybody starts shooting, and then I wont have my spare ammo or first-aid kit.
> ****I cant afford the point cost to make it trained, obedient, and brave enough to stay nearby in combat.


*****May not use Tiger King as justification for any of the Big Cats to be a housecat.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I can't play as a house cat and be another PCs familiar or animal companion.


** I can't play a housecat without being another PC's familiar or animal companion.
*** I can't suggest that the entire party plays housecats.
**** Even if I can provide a game for just that.

----------


## noob

> ** I can't play a housecat without being another PC's familiar or animal companion.
> *** I can't suggest that the entire party plays housecats.
> **** Even if I can provide a game for just that.


**** May not say "It is stronger than an all guardsmen party"
***** I may not have an housecat bbeg.
****** Especially if most of the players could not even see the housecat.

----------


## JAL_1138

*A fifteen-pound orange tabby is not a Miniature Giant Space Tiger.
**Step away from the tinker gnomes.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I may no longer summon a Saber Toothed tiger (to try and emulate this Christina Wayborn poster from the 1970's) as a part of my bard's on stage act. 
** Even if it went over very well at the time
*** and got me three "contacts" for successful "carousing" with drunk, jaded, and horny nobles.

----------


## thorr-kan

> I assume that would be illegal anyways IRL? Also, if you advertise it as super soldier serum you'd probably have _loads_ of volunteers.


*May not introduce a super-soldier serum to the Marvel Universe that is both safe and effective, as long as certain physiological and psychological requirements are met.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> *May not introduce a super-soldier serum to the Marvel Universe that is both safe and effective, as long as certain physiological and psychological requirements are met.


** May not respond to this with "So Captain America's serum? Its just that all the other serums are trying to replicate that one and they all fail for some reason."
*** May not theorize that the serums are just gateways for spirits to enter into peoples body and Steve got lucky that the Spirit of America itself managed to get into him in time, and that all the other serums work, they just keep letting in bad spirits.

----------


## Lord Torath

> ** I can't play a housecat without being another PC's familiar or animal companion.
> *** I can't suggest that the entire party plays housecats.
> **** Even if I can provide a game for just that.


***** Advanced Dungeons and Kittens is _right out!_

----------


## vasilidor

Erksine kept the secret of his success until he died.
*may not time travel in order to steal Erskine's knowledge using telepathy in a Marvel game.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ***** Advanced Dungeons and Kittens is _right out!_


I was thinking a bit more The Secrets of Cats museums.

----------


## thorr-kan

> ** May not respond to this with "So Captain America's serum? Its just that all the other serums are trying to replicate that one and they all fail for some reason."


Isn't that the standard Marvel canon?   :Small Smile: 

My guy isn't trying to recreate Project Rebirth; he's trying to stay out of jail, get rich, and help people, in that order.  An ethical robber-baron, if you will.

*Spoiler: Security transcript of a conversation between Sean Ross Fairchild, CEO, Fairchild Munitions, and Col. Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD.*
Show

Sean Ross Fairchild (SRF):  "Look, Director Fury, you're asking the impossible.  Project Rebirth created the super-soldier serum.  It makes the recipient an Olympic-level athlete, significantly retards the aging process, bolsters sanity, and was the creation of a wartime operation whose budget rivaled the Manhattan Project.  When the government is willing to throw freighters' worth of money and manpower at a problem, you get miracles.

"Me, I have a company to run and keep profitable.  I can't deliver the impossible."

Col. Fury (CF): "Then we're done here."

SRF:  "I didn't say that.  I said can't deliver the impossible; I can't deliver Captain America in a vial."

<REDACTED>

CF:  "So how did you develop this little cocktail?  I've seen your file, Fairchild.  Your a technician, a hardware specialist.  In short, a tinkerer.

"You have no history of biological or chemical developement, nor does your company.  Frankly, sudden breadth of knowledge in unrelated fields make SHIELD very, very nervous.  You wouldn't like us when we're nervous."

SRF:  "I'm not, but my roomate from college *is* a biochemical genius."

CF:  "Mario Perez.  Empire State Univesitry honors graduate.  Masters' Degrees in biochemisty and psychology.  Doctorate in Medicine.  No New York State medical license."

SRF:  "And no head for business.  Though to his credit, he *knows* he doesn't, and I do.  His consulting business was failing, the sharks were circling, and he'd finally made his breakthrough.  But he didn't want the sharks to have his life's work."

CF:  "So you helped him of the goodness of your heart?"

SRF:  "Of course!  He's an old friend.  And I smelled an opportunity."

<REDACTED>

CF:  "You seem awful sure of yourself, Fairchild."

SRF:  "I warn you, Director, Project Uplift is *mine.*  We own the patents; we own the trademarks.  I start seeing knock-off super-soldiers running around, and I'll have you before a grand jury so fast, your head will spin.  And we'll sue so hard for breach of contract, it will beggar God himself.

"But I'd be happy to license the process to SHIELD!  It's fiendishly expensive; no one is going to be mass-producing Captain Americas.  Except for nation-states or similar entities, you'd go bankrupt trying.  But some of the spin-off technologies have huge commercial potential..."

CF:  <yelling>  "YOU'VE GONE TO HUMAN TRIALS?!"

SRF:  "We have the best computer modeling on the planet, barring alien technologies.  We ran simulations until they were perfect, then broke everything we could think of and ran simulations again until they were perfect.  Then we ran through animal testing until refinement was complete.  Only then did we go to human trials.

"Our test subjects were all volunteers, fully informed consent.  Our NDAs are ironclad, but we briefed them completely.  Every one passed a rigorous psychological and physiological testing regimen to ensure they met Project criteria and were baseline humans.  My company doesn't need to press of experimenting on a discriminated minority like mutants, nor are we interested in starting a war with one of the other, sovereign offshoots of humanity.

<laughter>  "I'm a modern-day robber-baron, Fury.  But I'm not the Red Skull.  That's why Stark, Worthington, and Cosmos Securities do business with me and the Hellfire Club set hates my guts."

CF:  "I'll need to consider this offer, Chairman."

SRF:  "Director, it will be a pleasure doing business with you.    The science is solid, the paperwork is in order, and the effects are well documented.  Let me walk you out."

CF:  "I can find my own way out."

SRF:  <more laughter>  "I can introduce you to my security team, who've been subjects of Project Uplift for a year now.  They're right here where we can help if there's a problem, and if they decide to retire or resign, we'll work them through the detox process.  It's admittedly painful, but does no long term harm and leaves you right where you were before taking part in Project Uplift."





> *** May not theorize that the serums are just gateways for spirits to enter into peoples body and Steve got lucky that the Spirit of America itself managed to get into him in time, and that all the other serums work, they just keep letting in bad spirits.


Oh, that's a brilliant campaign twist.  I'd totally play there.

----------


## Rater202

*I cannot give Commander Shepard a transfusion of Captain America's blood just to see what the Super Soldier Serum does to their heavily modded physicology.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> *I cannot give Commander Shepard a transfusion of Captain America's blood just to see what the Super Soldier Serum does to their heavily modded physicology.


Heavily modified? Maybe moderately so.

* Cannotinsist that a character technologically brought back from the dead is 'still 98% humans'.

* I cannot give Krogan Conjoiner implants.

----------


## Rater202

> Heavily modified? Maybe moderately so.


Okay, to start with, as a member of th eSystems Aliance Space MArines, Shepard is by default gene-modded to better able handle higher and lower gravity, which also makes them more fit.

They may to ay not be naturally biotic, inwhich case they have cybernetic implants to let them use their biotic abilities.

Then they died and were brought back to life a mixture of cybernetics, chemical treatments, and further gene mods. The procedure also presumably involved exposing and mutating Shepard's body with Ezo, because Shepard gains biotic powers if they did not have them and they become noticeably stranger if they did.

We can assume that there was some _extensive_ work done to put them back together, because it is heavily implied that Shepard's head was not attached to their body when it was recovered, and also because Shepard was spaced, asphyxiated, and then underwent pantry reentry through an atmosphere that would be corrosive to human flesh. I would be genuinely surprised if less than 30% of their body had been replaced by either bionics or cloned tissues.

At the beginning of the game, Shepard's surgical scars _freaking glow_ indicating extensive work under the surface.

considering that Shepard can headbutt a Krogan hard enough to knock them down and drink multiple glasses of something guaranteed to knock most humans off their ass and chance it with liquor made specifically for Krogan and something else even stronger than that and only blackout and wake up a few minutes later on the bathroom floor of the establishment... You know, instead of fricking dying, it can assume that bones and organs have been enhanced or reinforced.

All throughout Mass Effect 2 you can research various upgrades which include Upgrades to Shepard's body in the form of additional cybernetics which include a set of ultradurable fibers that double as medical channels enhancing the durability and regenerative functionality of Shepard's skin, muscles, _and_ skeleton(reinforcing, not replacing, at least in the case of things that haven't already been replaced.) and three additional Bioampsthat each have specialized functions to support Shepard's primary bio amp, resulting in stronger Biotic abilities.

In addition, some of the stat boosts yo get from scanning things in various places are implied to be the result of data from the scan being used to make upgrades such as a biotic power upgrade gained from scanning a machine used by Cerberus when trying to train and enhance Jack.

In the Overlord DLC, even if you have no Cybernetic upgrades or bioamp implants, Shepard is technological enough that they can be affected by a thing designed to hack AIs and VIs.

In ME3, the Synthesis ending is possible because Shepard is considered a perfect mxiture of organic and sythnetic life and because their cybernetic mods are compatible with Reaper tech... And considering that it's know that multiple factns got their hands of chunks of Soverighn, it's entirely possible that the cybernetic components of the procedure to resurrect them is Reaper derived, indicating the possibility of nanomachines, biomechanical enhancements, and techno-organics.

I mean, we know that Cerberus has access to Reaper Tech, EDI is based in part on Sovereign.

Shepard is modded all to hell.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> *I cannot give Commander Shepard a transfusion of Captain America's blood just to see what the Super Soldier Serum does to their heavily modded physicology.


** May not insist that all it will do is let in the Spirit of Paragon Spectres to empower Shepard to be the most moral and inspiring Spectre there ever was.

* May not mix Legendary Super Saiyan, The Incredible Hulk, Asura's Mantra Drive, a Khornate Berserker, Doomguy and a Red Lantern ring together to see what happens.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* There is no justification for my blind elven Loremaster to have a hat more famous than she is.
** Not even if I can scrounge up the points for both Blind and Impressive Hat.

----------


## Socksy

* It is not a race to 0 Humanity.
** Should probably explain that Wassail isn't as fun as it sounds.

----------


## Rater202

*I cannot steal DNA from the fifty most fit men and women, 100 total, on each inhabited continent with "physical health and fitness," "general psychological stability," and "intellect" all controlled for the environment and socioeconomic status being the criteria for fitness to avoid biassing the collection results, and then use an advanced genetic algorithm to create the top 50 male and top 50 female specifies from all possible combinations of their genes (for both human DNA and the DNA of the mitochondria,) creating embryos based on those 100 genomes, splicing in Spider-Man's mutations and Wolverine's x-Gene complex, and exposing all 100 embryos to supersoldier serum prenatally before placing them in cryostasis in a pocket reality.
**Nor can I archive the entirety of human history, knowledge, and culture and culture in a massive quantum supercomputer and develop the means to implant this knowledge in the mind of a tank-bred human growing in a synthetic womb.
***Even if my goal is to ward off the possibility of human extinction by creating a breeding population of virtually immortal humans that cans survive in thrive in a wide variety of hostile environments so that, if the worst comes to pass, the embryos can insure that something at least descended of humanity survives.

----------


## Telok

* May not, when the DM ad-libs a "Sherman's Pizzaria", instantly 100% derail the plot by getting the party to set up "Panzer's Pizzaria" across the street and re-purpose the rigger's drones for pizza delivery & armed hijacking.

** May not complain that pizza "price wars" are perfectly normal when Lone Star notices the uptick in delivery drone tank combat.

----------


## dspeyer

* A Snow Crash based game should involve more than high-stakes pizza delivery
* Likewise a Dr McNinja based game

----------


## vasilidor

> *I cannot steal DNA from the fifty most fit men and women, 100 total, on each inhabited continent with "physical health and fitness," "general psychological stability," and "intellect" all controlled for the environment and socioeconomic status being the criteria for fitness to avoid biassing the collection results, and then use an advanced genetic algorithm to create the top 50 male and top 50 female specifies from all possible combinations of their genes (for both human DNA and the DNA of the mitochondria,) creating embryos based on those 100 genomes, splicing in Spider-Man's mutations and Wolverine's x-Gene complex, and exposing all 100 embryos to supersoldier serum prenatally before placing them in cryostasis in a pocket reality.
> **Nor can I archive the entirety of human history, knowledge, and culture and culture in a massive quantum supercomputer and develop the means to implant this knowledge in the mind of a tank-bred human growing in a synthetic womb.
> ***Even if my goal is to ward off the possibility of human extinction by creating a breeding population of virtually immortal humans that cans survive in thrive in a wide variety of hostile environments so that, if the worst comes to pass, the embryos can insure that something at least descended of humanity survives.


I love this and want to make a story out of it.

----------


## JAL_1138

*Despite substantial evidence to the contrary, being repeatedly woken up at God-knows-when in the morning by a pack of housecats apparently attempting to recreate the Dave Grohl vs Animal the Muppet drum battle does not cause SAN loss.

*Not allowed to just go to the psychiatrist in Call of Cthulhu.
**Its the 20s, Ill just get prescribed alcohol and narcotics instead of something that actually helps.
***Assuming the psychiatrist doesnt also go mad when confronted with inarguable proof of the existential horrors weve seen or pages from the Necronomicon.
****Also assuming the psychiatrist isnt a cultist.

*My character will get arrested for arson if I try just lobbing a molotov at the creepy abandoned house again.
**Professional Arsonist is not a valid character build.
***The Greater Good does not excuse setting half of Arkham on fire as the first option.
****Even if it would demonstrably save the whole world thrice over.

*Not allowed to run an alternate-universe Aliens campaign in which Weyland-Yutanis official, written corporate policy on bioweapons is as follows:
1) DO NOT.  WE MEAN IT, JUST DONT.
2) If a single failure of lab security, whether by human error, mechanical failure, design flaw, or other reason for breach, would mean that everyone dies screaming, dont mess with it.
3) The galaxy is littered with the corpses of people who have ignored the first two rules, including the company founder and a previous board of directors.

----------


## Bohandas

> *My character will get arrested for arson if I try just lobbing a molotov at the creepy abandoned house again.
> **Professional Arsonist is not a valid character build.
> ***The Greater Good does not excuse setting half of Arkham on fire as the first option.
> ****Even if it would demonstrably save the whole world thrice over.


In the novels that kind of thing actually how a lot of the characters that end up in the nuthouse end up in the nuthouse, not because they're actually nuts

----------


## Rockphed

> *Despite substantial evidence to the contrary, being repeatedly woken up at God-knows-when in the morning by a pack of housecats apparently attempting to recreate the Dave Grohl vs Animal the Muppet drum battle does not cause SAN loss.
> 
> *Not allowed to just go to the psychiatrist in Call of Cthulhu.
> **Its the 20s, Ill just get prescribed alcohol and narcotics instead of something that actually helps.
> ***Assuming the psychiatrist doesnt also go mad when confronted with inarguable proof of the existential horrors weve seen or pages from the Necronomicon.
> ****Also assuming the psychiatrist isnt a cultist.
> 
> *My character will get arrested for arson if I try just lobbing a molotov at the creepy abandoned house again.
> **Professional Arsonist is not a valid character build.
> ...


*Trying to rip the veil from the eyes of the ignorant by summoning shogoths will make things worse.

----------


## TeChameleon

> *Trying to rip the veil from the eyes of the ignorant by summoning shogoths will make things worse.


* If you are ever in a situation where summoning shoggoths will improve matters even _slightly_, ignorance is the least of your problems.
** If you are in a situation where ignorance is the least of your problems, you're probably somewhere well South of 'screwed'.

----------


## Laughing Dog

> *I may not name my character Genocide.
> **That character should not live up to said name.
> ***... Especially not repeatedly.


And the final count is four.



> *Despite substantial evidence to the contrary, being repeatedly woken up at God-knows-when in the morning by a pack of housecats apparently attempting to recreate the Dave Grohl vs Animal the Muppet drum battle does not cause SAN loss.


You too, huh? :Small Tongue:

----------


## BisectedBrioche

* While your rogue can have a higher athletics score than both the stone golem and the party member who just quaffed a potion of Giant's Strength, pointing it out's only funny once.

----------


## noob

> * If you are ever in a situation where summoning shoggoths will improve matters even _slightly_, ignorance is the least of your problems.
> ** If you are in a situation where ignorance is the least of your problems, you're probably somewhere well South of 'screwed'.


Imagine the following case: a gigantic coalition of cults in daylight is close to ending the universe by awakening space time and none of the governments believes in the occult nor that those cultists are a threat.
Summon a shoggoth as a demonstration of the existence of the occult and it fixes the ignorance of the governments and they will probably help solve the problem with a lot of nukes and everyone is happy in a nuclear winter with radioactive sandstorms or something instead of not existing.
*** May not consider massive use of nukes to be a solution to all cultist related problems that are not already awakened and present elder ancients.

----------


## Eldan

I have a social contract with my Players. They don't mention Psychiatrists in Call of Cthulhu, and I don't mention Laudanum and Lobotomy.

----------


## Rater202

> I have a social contract with my Players. They don't mention Psychiatrists in Call of Cthulhu, and I don't mention Laudanum and Lobotomy.


I mean, laudanum is basically just opium dissolved in alcohol.

It might actually, administered properly, help you stay sane in the face of eldritch horror in that you're too drunk and high for the horror to set in.

----------


## Wookieetank

> I mean, laudanum is basically just opium dissolved in alcohol.
> 
> It might actually, administered properly, help you stay sane in the face of eldritch horror in that you're too drunk and high for the horror to set in.


*May not utter the phrase "Hold my laudanum and watch this"
**May not start a laudanum microbrewery in my basement.

----------


## Telwar

> *May not utter the phrase "Hold my laudanum and watch this"
> **May not start a laudanum microbrewery in my basement.


Note to self, remember the first phrase if/when I ever play a Deadlands game.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* God alignments are not "Uselessly Weak Good", "Powerful Jerk", "Omnipotent Lazy", "Unseen Useful" or "BBEG"
** If I'm the Chosen One, may not lazily sit around to wait until the universe explains/forces me to do exactly what it needs to me to do on the assumption that if I'm truly fated to succeed, it doesn't matter what I do anyways, rather than following vague clues that lead me on an adventure.
*** May not try to experiment with my chosen one status or question what happens if I go off the rails
**** Whenever a god says they can't interfere, may not make jokes about the Prime Directive.

Edit: * at the end of any adventure involving defeating the Joker, may not in the epilogue have the Joker rise from the dead then turn directly to the audience in an unnatural manner saying "Thank you, thank you! You have been a great audience. Were you not entertained? I sure was! I hope to see you again next show! Thank you and good night!"

----------


## Socksy

Someone's probably already said something like this, but

* No, casting _Heat Metal_ will not stop the sword from bypassing my DR/Cold Iron.

----------


## noob

> Someone's probably already said something like this, but
> 
> * No, casting _Heat Metal_ will not stop the sword from bypassing my DR/Cold Iron.


** Should not argue that cold iron should get to use magic resistance against the heat metal spell.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* There is no Adept School that charges up via anime marathons.

----------


## danielxcutter

Honestly, what the hell _is_ cold iron?

----------


## Lord Raziere

> Honestly, what the hell _is_ cold iron?


Iron that is just pounded into shape without being heated at a forge. you can kinda see why it wouldn't be the most common thing to fight fair folk with from that alone.

* My College of Whispers Bard may not be a jester
** Even though mocking authority from the acceptable position of being a fool is their entire job.
*** "good-aligned heroic Joker" will never be a viable character concept.

----------


## Metastachydium

> Honestly, what the hell _is_ cold iron?


This iron, mined deep underground, known for its effectiveness against fey creatures, is forged at a lower temperature to preserve its delicate properties.

----------


## Telwar

> * There is no Adept School that charges up via anime marathons.


** Nor is there a tradition that allows for a Mentor Spirit based on the Looney Tunes.
*** Especially not for Possession Mages.
**** Just because Space Jam exists doesn't mean you can be possessed by Michael Jordan.
***** Or now that Teen Titans Go Watches Space Jam exists, you can't get possessed by any DC superhero.
****** Though if you do somehow get to channel Superman, expect to not want to go on a shadowrun any more.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ** Nor is there a tradition that allows for a Mentor Spirit based on the Looney Tunes.
> *** Especially not for Possession Mages.
> **** Just because Space Jam exists doesn't mean you can be possessed by Michael Jordan.
> ***** Or now that Teen Titans Go Watches Space Jam exists, you can't get possessed by any DC superhero.
> ****** Though if you do for ant to channel Superman, expect to not want to go on a Shadowrun Amy more.


???

What does any of that have to do with Unknown Armies?

----------


## Telwar

> ???
> 
> What does any of that have to do with Unknown Armies?


Almost nothing, except the word "Adept," and the anime specifically reminded me of a player.

----------


## dspeyer

> * There is no Adept School that charges up via anime marathons.


** My character cannot be based on Greg from El Goonish Shive
*** Nor can I just play him
**** There is not EGS RPG
***** Nor should I homebrew one

----------


## noob

> ** My character cannot be based on Greg from El Goonish Shive
> *** Nor can I just play him
> **** There is not EGS RPG
> ***** Nor should I homebrew one


****** You should not just use mutants and masterminds to simulate EGS either?

----------


## Lord Raziere

> ****** You should not just use mutants and masterminds to simulate EGS either?


******* May not point out that EGS would probably be best represented as a Fate Accelerated variant with approaches like "Drama, Comedy, Transformation, Awkwardness, Exposition, and Shipping"
******** Or as a Chuubo's game, especially when despite owning Chuubo's Marvelous Wish-granting Engine, barely know how the system works myself

----------


## Eldan

> * There is no Adept School that charges up via anime marathons.


Excuse me, Videomancy?!

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Excuse me, Videomancy?!


That's still a thing?

Also, while Videomancers can charge up from reruns, it doesn't fit the image I had if a mage surrounded by open DVD cases trying to get charges.

----------


## Eldan

> That's still a thing?
> 
> Also, while Videomancers can charge up from reruns, it doesn't fit the image I had if a mage surrounded by open DVD cases trying to get charges.


All the schools from 2E still exist canonically. In 3E put only new schools in the core, but all the old schools are still in the background. Which creates this weird situation where the background is full of organisations like the Naked Goddess using magics that you can't use with just the core book, but no one in the background uses any of the magic the PCs _can_ learn.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> All the schools from 2E still exist canonically. In 3E put only new schools in the core, but all the old schools are still in the background. Which creates this weird situation where the background is full of organisations like the Naked Goddess using magics that you can't use with just the core book, but no one in the background uses any of the magic the PCs _can_ learn.


Oh yeah, and I see some of the 3e Adept schools as being soft replacements of 2e schools. I do think they did better including a couple of old Archetypes, but it means that you can play a relatively unheard of Avatar of the Naked Goddess*, but not somebody associated with the SotNG.

Although I'll note that 3e really just reads like a soft reboot to me. The old Schools and Archetypes still port over mostly easily, but there's been a massive effort to rework some of the problematic elements while providing replacements for outdated options.

Like, book 3 mentions that Videomancers have lost a lot of magickal power. They're technically still a thing, but societal changes have made a lot of them irrelevant (hence Cinemancers being in the core book).

Although I still want a proper explanation of just what's going on with the Freak. Are they still the Godwalker of the Sexual Rebis, just to start.

----------


## Rater202

*I can not genetically engineer a krogan/vorcha hybrid.
**Especially not if it makes them immune to the genophage.
***It is absolutely my fault that the entire universe is now overrun with highly adaptable and rapidly regenerating Space-Ogres.

----------


## Rockphed

> ***It is absolutely my fault that the entire universe is now overrun with highly adaptable and rapidly regenerating Space-Ogres.


A regenerating ogre is a troll, right?

****Calling them "space trolls" is not better.
***** Releasing space dragons is much worse.

----------


## Rater202

> A regenerating ogre is a troll, right?
> 
> ****Calling them "space trolls" is not better.
> ***** Releasing space dragons is much worse.


The distinction between a troll and an ogre is often arbitrary.

*I can't inject babies with Super Soldier Serum just to see what happens.
**Even if I do a dozen of them, half get placeboes, and I follow them for the next 20 years of their life to observe the effects like a proper scientist.

----------


## Taevyr

> The distinction between a troll and an ogre is often arbitrary.
> 
> *I can't inject babies with Super Soldier Serum just to see what happens.
> **Even if I do a dozen of them, half get placeboes, and I follow them for the next 20 years of their life to observe the effects like a proper scientist.


***While it's technically correct that a sample group of 12 isn't quite enough to be a proper study, it's probably better not to motivate the mad scientist to inject additional babies with Super Soldier Serum out of curiosity.
***** "It was proper scientific practice" is not a good excuse for causing the presence of a statistically significant amount of infant Super Soldiers spread semi-randomly through all layers of society.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Using genetic engineering to cross breed krogan with Xenomorph XX121 is not a valid solution to their birth rate.

* Cannot complain about how settings tend to incorrectly capitalise species names.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> ***While it's technically correct that a sample group of 12 isn't quite enough to be a proper study, it's probably better not to motivate the mad scientist to inject additional babies with Super Soldier Serum out of curiosity.
> ***** "It was proper scientific practice" is not a good excuse for causing the presence of a statistically significant amount of infant Super Soldiers spread semi-randomly through all layers of society.


****** may not put bugs and hidden cameras in their houses, schools and so on to observe these kids as they grow up to get as much data as possible
******* May not point out this is a better superhero origin than "I dunno, genetics man, people just evolve sometimes" while eyeing X-Men, MHA, Whateleyverse and Heroes

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> ***It is absolutely my fault that the entire universe is now overrun with highly adaptable and rapidly regenerating Space-Ogres.


 May not bring up the game Ogre whenever we encounter an Ogre in D&D, and mention that Ogres were a lot tougher than Ogres.

----------


## Telok

> May not bring up the game Ogre whenever we encounter an Ogre in D&D, and mention that Ogres were a lot tougher than Ogres.


Am not allowed to use the phrase "I think I'll eat a tank battalion for breakfast." outside of full gonzo supers games.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> Am not allowed to use the phrase "I think I'll eat a tank battalion for breakfast." outside of full gonzo supers games.


*Spoiler: The upside of eating a tank battalion for breakfast*
Show

On the bright side, it does prevent the problem of iron deficiency in the blood.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* My Dragon-Blooded Exalted Dynast joining up with other Exalts may not be an entitled twit or karen who got exiled over something minor or reasonable and speaks in a vallley girl accent.
** May not say "they like, totally treated me like Anathema because they didn't get me the drugs for my wild party, our pain is basically the same" to a Lunar rebel
*** May not have somehow graduated from the Spiral Academy through sleeping with a more studious girl in exchange for her doing my homework
**** May not despite all this know Orgiastic Fugitive Style and somehow be good at fighting with it
***** May not ask what is so wrong about incest, since her relatives do it all the time with no downsides
****** May not halfheartedly cry out "Freedom for the barbarians!" in battles against the Realm
******* My ultimate goal may not be to somehow get back to living a life of luxury or maintain my new life of luxury.
******** may not play a Dragon-Blooded Dynast for comic relief.

----------


## Rater202

*I cannot learn martial arts by playing Shenmue.
**I cannot insert memes from relatively old videogames into the storyline at any opportunity.
***I was not once Chinese and the game takes place in a land-locked state.

----------


## JAL_1138

*Something has probably gone awry if the bard is the most effective damage-dealer.

----------


## danielxcutter

> *Something has probably gone awry if the bard is the most effective damage-dealer.


Aren't bards real strong in 5e?

----------


## Telok

> Aren't bards real strong in 5e?


Depends on circumstances, party, and level. But spamming Heat Metal on humanoid enemies when it takes 10 minutes to doff a chain surcoat can be very effective.

* The term "skeet shooting" is not ill-defined and does not involve batteries of orbital plasma cannons.

----------


## JAL_1138

> Aren't bards real strong in 5e?


Depending on how theyre built, yes.  But still shouldnt be the most effective DPR in the party if theres a Paladin and a Rogue.  My particular bard is built for a more combat focused approach with a crossbow and is actually pretty good at it, but even so, if the Rogue and Paladin could roll above 10, like, ever (Advantage from Greater Invisibility, plus a bonus from Bardic Inspiration, still arent helping them hit!  Their dice are cursed, cursed I say!) then Id be in a support-caster role with pretty decent damage as an additional benefit instead of ending up the main DPR.

----------


## TeChameleon

* The Aarakocra Monk who is the size and build of a human 10-year-old should not be the only one to succeed a strength check to raise a portcullis
* Expressing worry to the DM that monks may be badly underpowered in 5e is kind of undermined by stunlocking what was supposed to be a difficult boss encounter into oblivion
* When promising a high-flying, high-action game, Tucker's Kobolds are not a good enemy group to throw at players, especially if they have to spend three game sessions squeezing through tunnels

----------


## danielxcutter

> * The Aarakocra Monk who is the size and build of a human 10-year-old should not be the only one to succeed a strength check to raise a portcullis
> * Expressing worry to the DM that monks may be badly underpowered in 5e is kind of undermined by stunlocking what was supposed to be a difficult boss encounter into oblivion
> * When promising a high-flying, high-action game, Tucker's Kobolds are not a good enemy group to throw at players, especially if they have to spend three game sessions squeezing through tunnels


I haven't had any direct experience with 5e play, but Monk still seems in a better spot than 3.5e.

----------


## BisectedBrioche

> * The Aarakocra Monk who is the size and build of a human 10-year-old should not be the only one to succeed a strength check to raise a portcullis
> * Expressing worry to the DM that monks may be badly underpowered in 5e is kind of undermined by stunlocking what was supposed to be a difficult boss encounter into oblivion
> * When promising a high-flying, high-action game, Tucker's Kobolds are not a good enemy group to throw at players, especially if they have to spend three game sessions squeezing through tunnels


All I have to say, is:




> * While your rogue can have a higher athletics score than both the stone golem and the party member who just quaffed a potion of Giant's Strength, pointing it out's only funny once.

----------


## Socksy

* I am not a sweet Tzimisce from Transsexual, Transylvania.

----------


## danielxcutter

> * I am not a sweet Tzimisce from Transsexual, Transylvania.


Okay, I'm probably missing a reference here. What is it?

----------


## Silly Name

> * I am not a sweet Tzimisce from Transsexual, Transylvania.


** I may not do the Time Warp.
*** I may not do the Time Warp _again_.




> Okay, I'm probably missing a reference here. What is it?


I see you shiver with antici...

----------


## Socksy

> ** I may not do the Time Warp.
> *** I may not do the Time Warp _again_.



*** Despite having Auspex 5, I may not be in another dimension with voyeuristic intention, nor may I be well secluded and see all.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not interview the GM to see if they are right for me
** May not ask "what is your reaction to the phrase: "Screw the authorities"?"
*** or ask "how much of a sadist are you?"
**** or ask "if a cool character fails a roll, how goofy would you play it?"
***** or ask "if you see a family member in a backstory, what would you do?"
****** or ask "do you believe you should "challenge" the players? or make them experience "consequences"?"
******* or ask "if I wanted to do something not covered in the rules, what would you do?"
******** or ask "if my character had a screw destiny attitude, how likely would they be to defy a prophecy?"
********* or ask "if my character was an orphan what is the likelihood of them turning out to be long lost royalty?"
********** or ask "how likely my character is to be kidnapped or jailed as apart of any given plot?"

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> Aren't bards real strong in 5e?


 Lore bards are very good PCs, but my own experience (as DM for, a team mate of, and now a player (lvl 13)) of a lore bard is that they are not DPR machines; they are, I think, very good at making allies better or making enemies worse.  Having not played a Valor bard I can't speak to their DPR ness but they are a good kit.  (We have a Valor Bard in my brother's world who is pretty effective all around).



> I haven't had any direct experience with 5e play, but Monk still seems in a better spot than 3.5e.


 5e Monk is pretty good. I find them very fun to play.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not specifically craft my backstory so that my character is an orphan but cannot possibly be lost royalty by making them a former servant or maid of a respected royal bloodline that has existed for generations and has confirmed heirs
** May not specify that the royal family are descendants of someone that usurped another family that was a completely different race than my own just to make sure the GM cannot try to link me to the previous dynasty in some distant manner
*** May not further specify how all the other royal families of nearby neighboring kingdoms aren't the same race as me either just to make sure I'm not a lost heir of them either.
**** If the GM has to hypothetically contrive it that I'm actually royalty of a completely different plane of existence if they were ever to try it at all, I might be overdoing it a little.

* May not start an insurance plan for finding out your a lost heir to orphaned adventurers to fund their rise to becoming king/queen so that they have to pay me every month they don't find out they're a lost heir then figure out ways of getting out of paying them in the improbable chance that they do.
** May not make up a fictional lost heir who is just myself to be the only successful claim so that I get all the money from myself "legitimately". 
*** May not start insurance plans involving prophecies to make money by bending the interpretations of said prophecies to my benefit
**** May not try to commit insurance fraud through high fantasy tropes.

----------


## Rater202

My opening move in the mele can't be trying to drink one of the enemies.

----------


## Lord Torath

No, I cannot have an awakened stirge PC.

----------


## RagingBluMunky

> * May not start an insurance plan for finding out your a lost heir to orphaned adventurers to fund their rise to becoming king/queen so that they have to pay me every month they don't find out they're a lost heir then figure out ways of getting out of paying them in the improbable chance that they do.
> ** May not make up a fictional lost heir who is just myself to be the only successful claim so that I get all the money from myself "legitimately". 
> *** May not start insurance plans involving prophecies to make money by bending the interpretations of said prophecies to my benefit
> **** May not try to commit insurance fraud through high fantasy tropes.


I feel like 'high fantasy insurance fraud/fraud investigation' would be both fitting and entertaining in a Discworld game.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I feel like 'high fantasy insurance fraud/fraud investigation' would be both fitting and entertaining in a Discworld game.


I'm fairly certain that the Thieve's Guild puts a lot of work into clamping down on it. In-sewer-ants brings them a lot of money for not stealing things.

* Shouting At Foreigners should not be my only, or even just my highest, social skill.

----------


## TeChameleon

> * May not specifically craft my backstory so that my character is an orphan but cannot possibly be lost royalty by making them a former servant or maid of a respected royal bloodline that has existed for generations and has confirmed heirs
> ** May not specify that the royal family are descendants of someone that usurped another family that was a completely different race than my own just to make sure the GM cannot try to link me to the previous dynasty in some distant manner
> *** May not further specify how all the other royal families of nearby neighboring kingdoms aren't the same race as me either just to make sure I'm not a lost heir of them either.
> **** If the GM has to hypothetically contrive it that I'm actually royalty of a completely different plane of existence if they were ever to try it at all, I might be overdoing it a little.


... DMs seem to have way too much fun with the whole 'unknown royalty' thing.  I had a character that nearly got stuffed onto an unwanted imperial throne (only didn't because I wanted to keep playing the character), and eventually became their own grandpa (times who-knows-how-many-greats) and becoming a legendary king in the past, courtesy of time travel nonsense.

----------


## ideasmith

> My opening move in the mele can't be trying to drink one of the enemies.


Not even if the enemy in question is liquid and adjacent at the time of said opening move.

----------


## dspeyer

> My opening move in the mele can't be trying to drink one of the enemies.


* Unless I'm a vampire

----------


## Lord Raziere

> ... DMs seem to have way too much fun with the whole 'unknown royalty' thing.  I had a character that nearly got stuffed onto an unwanted imperial throne (only didn't because I wanted to keep playing the character), and eventually became their own grandpa (times who-knows-how-many-greats) and becoming a legendary king in the past, courtesy of time travel nonsense.


* my former maid characters response to the kingdom or royal family they served being in trouble may not be "oh that makes sense, their feudal royalty they get into wars like every summer or so." in a nonchalant manner
** If after saving the kingdom from whatever threat was after them may not turn down the king's offer of marriage to their prince by pointing out that I wrote down that my maid is a lesbian in their backstory from the very start
*** if the princess I was childhood friends with suddenly proclaims their love for me out of nowhere after I turn down the previous offer and declare they will adopt children for heirs if need be then I know for sure that the GM is going out of their way to put me on the throne. 
**** may not try to convince the princess to abandon her position so that she can live a life of freedom and adventure with me instead if she loves me so much.

----------


## Telwar

> ... DMs seem to have way too much fun with the whole 'unknown royalty' thing.  I had a character that nearly got stuffed onto an unwanted imperial throne (only didn't because I wanted to keep playing the character), and eventually became their own grandpa (times who-knows-how-many-greats) and becoming a legendary king in the past, courtesy of time travel nonsense.


* I am no longer allowed to "do the nasty in the pasty."

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* If I cannot fimd a way to represent my medical condition in the rules my character may not share it.
* There are no legitimate reasons to cry out 'I stab him with my eyes!'

----------


## Rockphed

> * There are no legitimate reasons to cry out 'I stab him with my eyes!'


I am pretty sure that is called a glare.

** Eye stabs may be ranged attacks, but they do no damage.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> I am pretty sure that is called a glare.
> 
> ** Eye stabs may be ranged attacks, but they do no damage.


 A recent session revealed that if looks could maim, my bard would need a regeneration spell. The party warlock glared at my bard.  

* I (bard) may no longer prank the crowd without telling _all of_ the rest of my party first. 

** Turning the paladin into a Giant Ape so that my bard can play the role of Ann Darrow (Fay Wray), in our re enactment of "King Kong climbs the building" as a surprise ending to the performance I just did (queen in attendance), should not be a surprise to the sorcerer and warlock - they promptly attacked the giant ape!  (I had to call the warlock off, telling him "I'm just pranking the crowd, the giant ape is our paladin, this is a show" .. which earned me _The Glare_).

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> A recent session revealed that if looks could maim, my bard would need a regeneration spell. The party warlock glared at my bard.  
> 
> * I (bard) may no longer prank the crowd without telling _all of_ the rest of my party first. 
> 
> ** Turning the paladin into a Giant Ape so that my bard can play the role of Ann Darrow (Fay Wray), in our re enactment of "King Kong climbs the building" as a surprise ending to the performance I just did (queen in attendance), should not be a surprise to the sorcerer and warlock - they promptly attacked the giant ape!  (I had to call the warlock off, telling him "I'm just pranking the crowd, the giant ape is our paladin, this is a show" .. which earned me _The Glare_).


And, speaking as the DM, it was glorious to behold. Everyone acted just right. Even the dragon playing the part of biplane (she figured out that it was a prank, so was playing along).

----------


## danielxcutter

You *£^ers did WHAT? I need context. _Now._

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I am pretty sure that is called a glare.


No, I meant literally stab. You'd need pointed corneas, and those are a very bad thing in real life.

* If I take the drawback 'Bad Eyes (glasses correctable)' I cannot spend my entire starting wealth on a light pistol, a bus pass, and as many sets of contacts as I can.
** As a GM, cannot have a critical failure cause a character's contact lens to fall out.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> You *£^ers did WHAT? I need context. _Now._


If you're talking about KorvinStarmast & my comments, here's some context

*Spoiler*
Show


I'm the DM for a game where he plays a bard. They're about level 13, which for the setting is legendary (for adventurers). They'd just finished a longer, stressful mission and were in downtime (except parts played out for character development.

His bard decided to put on a big performance, using up contacts she'd made earlier, in the capital city of one of the major nations. He coordinated with me in advance about the stunt, and coordinated with the party's paladin of Glory (who happens to be a halfling). But did not tell the rest of the party (the hexblade warlock or the sorcerer).

I threw in a bunch of NPC reactions, including the queen of that country (who happens to be a wizard and a former adventurer), a dragon (brass, whom the party had rescued/helped earlier and who hoards stories, also a long-ago adventurer transformed permanently via divine miracle), and the Immortal Bard (another former adventurer, whose divine miracle was agelessness, and who, along with the dragon, has quite a reputation in that area).

Concert went excellently, quite showy. Happened in an amphitheatre on an island in the middle of a river through the city, near a large tower belonging to the highest high-elven house of the nation. Who, as things had turned out, had been secretly brought in on things via bribery by one of the contacts. At that point they thought it was just going to be a light show. The sorcerer decided to play along with the show, doing things like illusions, fireballs, and walls of fire for visual effect.

At the end, they did some sleight of hand to transform the paladin, who was waiting in the wings, into a Giant Ape, who picked up the bard. At this point, the sorcerer and warlock, who didn't know the plan, jumped into combat mode (seeing their ally grabbed by a monster out of nowhere). The Immortal Bard figured out that it was a prank (having seen the polymorph cast) and called off the sorcerer after a lightning bolt or so, but the warlock? Kept chasing the Ape as it ran to the tower and climbed. The dragon, playing along once it figured out what happened, picked up the sorcerer and started buzzing the tower, which was all lit up so they were in full view of the entire city. Eventually the warlock got called off (after nearly breaking the polymorph) and jumped, thunder stepping at the last minute to avoid fall damage.

Basically, they then replicated the movie, with the ape-woman bonding (not bondage, that's different) scene, jumping off the tower, and ending the polymorph by casting invisibility on the paladin.

The queen, having put up detect magic, saw the whole thing and was just :popcorn:.

They're now...more famous than they already were. Biggest event of the decade in that city. Although the mechanical gnomes and the resulting 3-day firework show earlier that year...it's been an eventful summer for Crisial City.

----------


## danielxcutter

> If you're talking about KorvinStarmast & my comments, here's some context
> 
> *Spoiler*
> Show
> 
> 
> I'm the DM for a game where he plays a bard. They're about level 13, which for the setting is legendary (for adventurers). They'd just finished a longer, stressful mission and were in downtime (except parts played out for character development.
> 
> His bard decided to put on a big performance, using up contacts she'd made earlier, in the capital city of one of the major nations. He coordinated with me in advance about the stunt, and coordinated with the party's paladin of Glory (who happens to be a halfling). But did not tell the rest of the party (the hexblade warlock or the sorcerer).
> ...


Holy _****e._ Thats some audacity.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> Holy _****e._ Thats some audacity.


 If you'd like a bit more detail I can PM you.  *Spoiler: how it turned into an ad hoc bit of fun*
Show

I had sent the plan for the stunt to the DM since we had to engage some NPCs to get the right venue, stage, props, etc.  (Contacts had been made via "XGTE Carousing" initially-they were the show's promoters).  The paladin and I had to do some pre planning on discord, but RL had made doing 'out of session' stuff hard for the other two players, and, crucially, I was Not Going To Be at the session due to RL party for my wife.  Our RL party for my wife ended up closing out early, I drop into Discord, thinking the paladin player and DM would have narrated the show to the others, and just wanted to see how things had gone for the session.  I  got "let's play this out" so we did.  
Great fun. 
 How I set up the stunt with various bard skills and various spells I made sure to go into a lot of detail so the DM would see how I was going from one thing to the other. It's in a pdf document

----------


## thorr-kan

> Holy _****e._ Thats some audacity.


Players like that are *WHY* we DM.

 And drink.   :Small Big Grin:   But mostly DM.

----------


## Rater202

*After killing the necromancer, we have to kill his slaymate.
**We cannot keep the slaymate.
***She is an undead abomination driven by rage at the death caused by abuse and/or neglect from a trusted guardian, not "our adorable new mascot."
****I cannot make a point of tucking her in and reading her bedtime stories every night.
*****I cannot legally adopt her.
******Any druid or good-aligned cleric we encounter will probably try to destroy her on sight.
*******No one in the party uses metamagic feats or necromancy spells for frick's sake.

----------


## danielxcutter

> *After killing the necromancer, we have to kill his slaymate.
> **We cannot keep the slaymate.
> ***She is an undead abomination driven by rage at the death caused by abuse and/or neglect from a trusted guardian, not "our adorable new mascot."
> ****I cannot make a point of tucking her in and reading her bedtime stories every night.
> *****I cannot legally adopt her.
> ******Any druid or good-aligned cleric we encounter will probably try to destroy her on sight.
> *******No one in the party uses metamagic feats or necromancy spells for frick's sake.


If you cant take advantage of her doesnt that make it a better thing to do?

----------


## Telok

* May no longer get the DM to approve a character while drunk.
** May no longer insist the 8 int, 8 wis, 8 cha participate in social activities.
*** May not roll so much better than the buffed bard that NPCs need to get their sexual preferences retconned to "loud ugly smelly fur loincloth wearing lardball with no table manners".
**** May not have any character where "don't image search this" is part of the conversation or description.
***** May no longer have characters where a successful seduction check leads to NPCs having to make fear saves.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> **** May not have any character where "don't image search this" is part of the conversation or description.
> ***** May no longer have characters where a successful seduction check leads to NPCs having to make fear saves.


  Fun. That's what it's all about.  :Small Smile:

----------


## GravityEmblem

May no longer kidnap an Elf king at a peaceful negotiation, leading to a full-scale war between the humans and Elves eventually resulting in the total collapse of the Elf kingdom.

----------


## Wookieetank

*Water elementals are not weak to straws
**Or sponges.
*Stone to flesh on an earth elemental, while allowed, is messy

----------


## Calthropstu

*I am no longer allowed to place prismatic walls behind illusions.
**Especially if that illusion shows what is normally in the room.
***This holds doubly true if the room happens to be the inn room where the characters are staying.

----------


## Rater202

*I cannot run a game that can accurately be summarized as "use Metal Gears to fight the Reapers from Mass Effect."
**Commander Shepard is not in any conceivable way descended from Big Boss.
***I cannot cite the fact that the _Poker Night at the Inventory_ series states that Brock Samson is a descendent of Ash Williams to support my theory that Shepard is descended from Big Boss.
****The military-grade gene mods to improve strength, toughness, and recovery are not the perfect versions of the Big Boss-derived gene mods used to create the Genome Soldiers.
*****The entire point was that genes aren't as important as training and experience.
******Cannot point out that Big Boss and his clones demonstrably possess superhuman physical characteristics and thus the idea that he has "perfect soldier genes" does in fact have a degree of merit, especially in a world with superpower granting gene enhancements, biotech, and Nanomachines, son.
*******"Nanomachines, son" is not a proper noun.
********I must stop attaching ", son" to the end of every instance of the word "Nanomachines..."
*********..., son.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not respond to anything Metal Gear related with "Last Days of Foxhound did that universe better"

* May not parody the "genetic super-soldier" concept by making a person genetically engineered to be the world's best Uno player
** may not make the world's best uno player act like Perfect Cell
*** May not have all the genes from the best uno playing races in the galaxy

* May not make a Toxic Friendship Beam
** Or run my machines on the power of Abusive Family
*** Or defeat the villain with the power of One-Sided Love
**** May not subvert defeating villains with abstract concepts into twisted versions of themselves that also exist.

* Eberron Shifters are not catgirls

----------


## noob

***** Can not defeat villains with the power of school bullying either even if it is arguably less horrible than killing them.

----------


## Bohandas

> * May not parody the "genetic super-soldier" concept by making a person genetically engineered to be the world's best Uno player


**Also may not create a race of super-hippies to protest the super-soldiers

----------


## noob

> **Also may not create a race of super-hippies to protest the super-soldiers


*** I may not think about making a game where it is discovered that the genes for being a super hippie are not as important for being super intensely peaceful as are finding the right weeds to smoke or as reaching the right state of mind through "Oh man I wish I could explain how I got in this state but it is righteous" and which ends up with a super hippie getting depressed about not being as peaceful as an hippie could be.
**** No it is not a good idea to make remakes of all the metal gear games but with super hippies and peace rallies instead of super soldiers and giant warbots.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* "Fireball" is not Draconic for "Screw everything in a 20ft radius that way"
** Nor is Lightning Bolt's verbal component "Screw Everything in Front of My Finger."
*** Disintegrate's and Finger of Death's real names are not "Screw That Guy Hard In Particular" and "Screw him so hard his corpse feels sorry for attacking" respectively.
**** Meteor Swarm's real name is not "Screw everything in that general area"

*May not make an "Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things" that never runs out of cards
** May not make it a cursed item that binds itself to you when you pick it up
*** May not make it so that you can only get rid of it by deceiving others into buying it from you in a dishonest trade. 
**** May not make it try to compel you to draw a card from it with a will save once every day.

* My WH40k character may not be a primitive tribal human speaking a language evolved from chatspeak and internet lingo while wearing emoji masks

----------


## DCraw

> *May not make an "Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things" that never runs out of cards
> ** May not make it a cursed item that binds itself to you when you pick it up
> *** May not make it so that you can only get rid of it by deceiving others into buying it from you in a dishonest trade. 
> **** May not make it try to compel you to draw a card from it with a will save once every day.


That is possibly truly the most evil cursed item ever created... May I sig it?

----------


## Lord Raziere

> That is possibly truly the most evil cursed item ever created... May I sig it?


 :Small Big Grin:  Go ahead.

* May not make this an actual magic homebrew item
** May not put it on a halfling merchant who tries to sell it to you with "hey! Wanna buy a pack of cards!?"
*** May not have them say "only ten gold!" as the starting price
**** May not have say "sold!" at the first price you name, no matter how low
***** may not put this NPC in front of the players at level 1

----------


## DCraw

> Go ahead.
> 
> * May not make this an actual magic homebrew item
> ** May not put it on a halfling merchant who tries to sell it to you with "hey! Wanna buy a pack of cards!?"
> *** May not have them say "only ten gold!" as the starting price
> **** May not have say "sold!" at the first price you name, no matter how low
> ***** may put this NPC in front of the players at level 1


*May not do (****) and then adjust he curse to "must sell at a loss" (ala the bottle imp)
** May not then be surprised if the first thing the players try is to see if Dominate Person works (or if a compelled contract is void)

----------


## danielxcutter

Would leaving in good options be more evil or would making them all suck be worse?

----------


## DCraw

> Would leaving in good options be more evil or would making them all suck be worse?


Depends on the Wis save not to draw, I guess.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> Would leaving in good options be more evil or would making them all suck be worse?


I dunno, I just was like "oh the Deck of Many Things, how can I make this _worse?_" like to me the entire point is that its a magic item that perpetuates suffering even in the way you give it to someone else, because you have to lie about what your selling so that who gets it will be screwed by doing so. like powerful enough magic would probably just stop the madness, because thats the solution to everything. like I wondered about a more honest way to sell it off, but I'm just wondering what the tradeoff to that would be, because the current thought idea is that if your tell someone what your selling honestly it doesn't work so the more people that know what it is, the less people you can sell it to unless you come up with a different way to trick them into buying the deck. and now that I think about it prevents the players from buying or getting it back from anyone, so once they sell it off once they're technically rid of it forever unless someone with it travels with them, so maybe a way to sell it honestly would be something to consider. dominate person would probably work, because its adding mind control on top of it so only cause an npc to be angry at you for screwing them over two ways and not just one, so even if the players try to cheese a quick sell-off, there's story potential there. of course dominate person could then be attempted to be used to make the PCs take back the deck at some other point, so ways around it both ways!

* May not try to think all the ways The Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things could be solved and try to put in rules details or advice for all them to make things as interesting as possible.

----------


## Wookieetank

> * May not try to think all the ways The Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things could be solved and try to put in rules details or advice for all them to make things as interesting as possible.


**May not have it as a recurring item that just keeps showing up in different guises so that the party has to keep finding new ways to get rid of it.
***Turning The Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things into an entire campaign will deck your alignment, doesn't matter that you're the DM.

----------


## DCraw

> I dunno, I just was like "oh the Deck of Many Things, how can I make this _worse?_" like to me the entire point is that its a magic item that perpetuates suffering even in the way you give it to someone else, because you have to lie about what your selling so that who gets it will be screwed by doing so. like powerful enough magic would probably just stop the madness, because thats the solution to everything. like I wondered about a more honest way to sell it off, but I'm just wondering what the tradeoff to that would be, because the current thought idea is that if your tell someone what your selling honestly it doesn't work so the more people that know what it is, the less people you can sell it to unless you come up with a different way to trick them into buying the deck. and now that I think about it prevents the players from buying or getting it back from anyone, so once they sell it off once they're technically rid of it forever unless someone with it travels with them, so maybe a way to sell it honestly would be something to consider. dominate person would probably work, because its adding mind control on top of it so only cause an npc to be angry at you for screwing them over two ways and not just one, so even if the players try to cheese a quick sell-off, there's story potential there. of course dominate person could then be attempted to be used to make the PCs take back the deck at some other point, so ways around it both ways!
> 
> * May not try to think all the ways The Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things could be solved and try to put in rules details or advice for all them to make things as interesting as possible.


I like turning it into a bottle imp, so each successive buyer gets one "free" Wish card on the top - but if the buyer dies with the deck still in their possession they are sent directly to Hell (and resurrection magic is useless on them). Then the fun begins. That wish is perverted as is standard with Djinni wishes. Then the next day rolls around, Wis save vs draw, drawing to happen at sunset. The party has the day to try to dispose of the cards. Any bargain they enter into to sell the deck for more than they paid fails. They keep the gold (subject to NPC disagreement), but the deck returns to their possession magically. Similarly, any bargain struck while the counterparty was under magical influence is void - again, party keeps the gold but gets the cards back. The only way to dispose of the deck is to sell to an informed willing buyer for less than they paid. 

The idea of what is arguably the physical embodiment of chaos as a concept being bound by strict laws is hilarious to me, though, so your mileage may vary.

----------


## danielxcutter

> **May not have it as a recurring item that just keeps showing up in different guises so that the party has to keep finding new ways to get rid of it.
> ***Turning The Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things into an entire campaign will *deck* your alignment, doesn't matter that you're the DM.


_*wheezes*_




> I like turning it into a bottle imp, so each successive buyer gets one "free" Wish card on the top - but if the buyer dies with the deck still in their possession they are sent directly to Hell (and resurrection magic is useless on them). Then the fun begins. That wish is perverted as is standard with Djinni wishes. Then the next day rolls around, Wis save vs draw, drawing to happen at sunset. The party has the day to try to dispose of the cards. Any bargain they enter into to sell the deck for more than they paid fails. They keep the gold (subject to NPC disagreement), but the deck returns to their possession magically. Similarly, any bargain struck while the counterparty was under magical influence is void - again, party keeps the gold but gets the cards back. The only way to dispose of the deck is to sell to an informed willing buyer for less than they paid. 
> 
> The idea of what is arguably the physical embodiment of chaos as a concept being bound by strict laws is hilarious to me, though, so your mileage may vary.


I thought imps were LE.

----------


## Lord Torath

> *May not make an "Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things" that never runs out of cards


**May not point out that this is just the standard Deck of Many Things, at least through 2nd Edition (with the exception of the Jester and Fool cards, which did not return to the deck when drawn).

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> I dunno, I just was like "oh the Deck of Many Things, how can I make this _worse?_"


 Brilliant.  :Small Smile:  
*Spoiler: The deck, trauma*
Show

The first time I ever drew from a _deck of many things_, in Original D&D(+Greyhawk) a specter came out and attacked me.  Here's the really fun part: on a successful hit a specter drains 2, count 'em 2, experience levels from a PC. I walked away a wiser, weaker, magic user.

----------


## danielxcutter

Anyone who considers a Deck of Many Things to be fun in any edition after 2e mid-campaign does not sound like a good DM.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> Anyone who considers a Deck of Many Things to be fun in any edition after 2e mid-campaign does not sound like a good DM.


Some tables like random and whacky stuff happening.  Some players thrive on it.  Our bard (we finally got back in the saddle last night) player is one such.  He likes crazy/chaos stuff.  Our wizard just likes to kill stuff.

----------


## Calthropstu

> Some tables like random and whacky stuff happening.  Some players thrive on it.  Our bard (we finally got back in the saddle last night) player is one such.  He likes crazy/chaos stuff.  Our wizard just likes to kill stuff.


I just thought up the greatest campaign idea.

People are disappearing. Others just die. Some disappear but are found wealthy beyond their wildest dreams. Others have their property destroyed and their lives ruined. Some suddenly proclaim their wildest wish came true. In addition, strange monsters seem to have been unleashed in the area. The land is calling for heroes to investigate and fix this strange phenomenon.

Eventually the culprit seems to be some sort of insane street magician doing card tricks with a Deck. "Pick a card, any card" leads to a deck draw. But the result happens on a 24 hour timer.

,Each night the street magician travels to a new town via magic. Fun.

----------


## Rater202

> **Commander Shepard is not in any conceivable way descended from Big Boss.


*Cannot propose a timeline wherein Shepard is the great-great-great-great-grandchild of Johnny and Meryl.
**Cannot point out that, having been part of Liquid's forces in _Metal Gear Solid_, Johnny is almost certainly a member of the Next-Generation Special Forces and thus, a "Genome Soldier" enhanced with Big Boss's DNA.
***Cannot then go on to cite the fact that it is known that at least one Genome Soldier test subject was modified against his will and the unethical and technically illegal nature of the experiments in general to cite that Johnny's known fear of needles would not prevent him from having been modified.
****I have to stop going out of my way to tie different settings together for the sake of roleplays.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> I just thought up the greatest campaign idea.
> 
> People are disappearing. Others just die. Some disappear but are found wealthy beyond their wildest dreams. Others have their property destroyed and their lives ruined. Some suddenly proclaim their wildest wish came true. In addition, strange monsters seem to have been unleashed in the area. The land is calling for heroes to investigate and fix this strange phenomenon.
> 
> Eventually the culprit seems to be some sort of insane street magician doing card tricks with a Deck. "Pick a card, any card" leads to a deck draw. But the result happens on a 24 hour timer.
> 
> ,Each night the street magician travels to a new town via magic. Fun.


 The chances that I steal this are pretty high ...  :Small Cool:

----------


## Anonymouswizard

Honestly, I could see myself using a Deck of Many Things in an Unknown Armies game. It's exactly the kind of thing an Entropomancer would create. When your primary way to get Significant Charges is to risk your life some of the consequences seem more reasonable.

Note that if you know what Entropomancers are you likely wouldn't touch any of their magic items with a ten foot pole anyway. Their entire school revolves around chance and chaos. It's just safer for you to hand them a revolver, a bullet, and ask them to cast whatever spell you need than to muck around with the Fruit Machine of Unlikely Meetings.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* My Tarrasquer monks goal may not be to walk the path of ascendance to become a real tarrasque

* My Bulette Folk rogue's modus operandi may not just consist entirely of using my burrow speed to dig under buildings to get to the treasure then dig upwards, take it and go back through the hole
** Mostly because I can't dig through worked stone.

* My Scorpion Folk may not be surprising helpful and supportive or shy and defensive rather than anything dangerous or aggressive
** Despite scorpions being less aggressive and dangerous than everyone thinks they are

* May not insist that Cephalids, despite their appearance and mechanics are not actually the mindflayer expies
** Even if I'm correct and its actually the Phorcysites that are the mindflayer expies

* Noumenons unarmed strikes always count as magical. that doesn't mean that I can enchant my weapons to be magical as well by licking them so they're covered with my saliva.

* My Koox Collective may not just be the Megas XLR
** Or the TTGL
*** my TTGL Koox Collective may not carry around an oar as a weapon to "row row, fight the power"

* My Saguarin may not insist on hugs because they're lonely
** Mostly because they're living cacti.

* May not make the Valumin version of The Hulk
** May yell "Valumin BURN!" as I do so.

* My ARMET may not take the form of clothes and be obsessed with fashion
** Or be a bard on top of that. 
*** My ARMET's ability to become the armor for someone else may not be a magical girl transformation sequence.

* May not play races from third party books.

----------


## Rater202

*I cannot use _The Night Begins to Shine_ as background music for a magical girl transformation sequence.
**Not even if I use Puffy Ami Yumi's Japanese language cover.

----------


## Laughing Dog

*Our group should be more than 'A bunch of regenerating priests that can each Iron Heart Surge and disembowel dragons with their bare hands.'
**Sticking some of them on horses doesn't help the problem.
***Just because it removes their ability to use their bare hands a weapons doesn't lower their power level.

*The party's go to plan for any encounter should not be 'send the goblin to his death, then wait for the goblin to respawn, rinse, lather, repeat.'
**I am not to make Squee out of setting.
***I am not to make Squee in setting either.

----------


## noob

> *Our group should be more than 'A bunch of regenerating priests that can each Iron Heart Surge and disembowel dragons with their bare hands.'
> **Sticking some of them on horses doesn't help the problem.
> ***Just because it removes their ability to use their bare hands a weapons doesn't lower their power level.
> 
> *The party's go to plan for any encounter should not be 'send the goblin to his death, then wait for the goblin to respawn, rinse, lather, repeat.'
> **I am not to make Squee out of setting.
> ***I am not to make Squee in setting either.


What is the build for the clerics (or priests if it is the priest class which is totally a different class) by curiosity?

----------


## SpyOne

> like I wondered about a more honest way to sell it off, but I'm just wondering what the tradeoff to that would be, because the current thought idea is that if your tell someone what your selling honestly it doesn't work so the more people that know what it is, the less people you can sell it to unless you come up with a different way to trick them into buying the deck. and now that I think about it prevents the players from buying or getting it back from anyone, so once they sell it off once they're technically rid of it forever


There is no shortage of ways to trick someone into buying something they know they don't want, and most have the advantage that tricking you into buying something that you don't want cis inherently a dishonest trade.
Think of any time you can include "and all its contents" in a sale: a house, a business, a chest, a beer, ...

----------


## Laughing Dog

> What is the build for the clerics (or priests if it is the priest class which is totally a different class) by curiosity?


It isn't actually D&D.  It's one of the stupid/silly things you can do in Fire Emblem: Three Houses.  If you're still interested, I'll leave details in the spoiler.

*Spoiler*
Show

In Three Houses, faith magic* based classes typically have religious connotations (of all the classes that require proficiency in faith magic, only two don't.).  The bishop class, when mastered, grants the renewal ability; that restores 30 percent of the units max hp at the beginning of the turn.
 One of the classes from the Cindered Shadows DLC, War Monk/War Cleric, requires B+ rank in brawling and  ~ C/C+ rank in faith magic.  It is a tanky class that is a brawling primary class.  It is also the only way for female units to have the 'Unarmed Combat' ability in game.  

  Now, brawling (introduced in Three Houses) is absolutely broken.  All brawling weapons attacks are considered to be 'brave' (attack twice instead of once[In Three Houses, this only occurs when attacking, not defending]), and combat arts are almost entirely universal (A rank depends on each unit.) 
 The combat art learned at B rank is called Healing Focus, and restores 50 percent of the users max hp.  This can be used each turn.  When I first discovered this my reaction was "Wait, did [name] just learn Iron Heart Surge?"

The four classes that allow magic used while being mounted notably do not allow for brawling while dismounted.

*white magic, essentially

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I may no longer take my party's paladin with me when I (party bard) meet with an infernal (a fiend)
** I man no longer ask him to act as my agent when I make a deal, literally, with a devil.  
*Spoiler: why this matters*
Show

I now get residuals/royalties and full song writer credits for the songs various performers were not paying me royalties for, on various non material planes, as they performed "something they heard" that I'd both written and performed before the (literally) grateful dead - a bunch of spirits we met in the plane of Shadow who I sang for after we finished an adventure

----------


## Telok

No longer allowed to have a cassowary animal companion after describing it as a "smaller, grumpier, ostrich". Snarky comparisons like "a hungry tiger shark is a smaller, grumpier, manta ray" and "a rabid wolf is a smaller, grumpier, saint bernard" will be made.

----------


## Excession

> No longer allowed to have a cassowary animal companion after describing it as a "smaller, grumpier, ostrich". Snarky comparisons like "a hungry tiger shark is a smaller, grumpier, manta ray" and "a rabid wolf is a smaller, grumpier, saint bernard" will be made.


** Describing it as a "velociraptor in drag" isn't any better.

----------


## Eldan

> ** Describing it as a "velociraptor in drag" isn't any better.


Psh. Have you seen some illustrations of velociraptors these days? A cassowary is comparably drab.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Clothes might give DR 1, but I can't stack jumpers to survive point blank high explosives.
** Because setting off high explosives at point blank range should never be part of the plan.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not make a campaign called "We Are NOT Ninjas!" about a bunch of people who act like what people think ninjas are, but are frustrated by this because they know real ninja were nothing like them and are not connected in anyway and thus set out to prove to everyone that they are not ninjas
** May not call real ninjas "pyromania-obsessed spies with a lot of creativity"
*** May not call ourselves "flashy speedy shadow warriors who are too cool to do things smart." 

* My next superhero may not be called "The Not-Vampire" who has all the powers and aesthetics of a vampire except without the need to drink blood thus not seeing themselves as one and constantly has to correct people that they aren't one.

* Nor may I make a campaign called "We Are NOT Pirates!" about a bunch of daring swashbuckling high seas adventurers who fight evil, go searching for treasure, defy authority and all the usual stuff but also have to prove they are not Pirates
** May not describe real pirates as "sea bandits who mostly just wave their cutlasses around threateningly in hopes they don't get into a fight"

* My Orc fighter concept may not be "a bunch of dwarves found her when she was a babe and decided that since she was being raised by dwarves that she therefore was a dwarf"
** Cannot have her constantly refer to herself as a dwarf even though she is an orc on the reasoning that "a dwarf is a dwarf, no matter how tall, green or tusked they are."
*** She then cannot call human bandits that attack her "orcs" and claim that orcs are a social construct.

----------


## ideasmith

* My response to my superhero character dying may not be: "She tells death she needs to be alive again; death sighs and gives her directions."
** Not even if my superhero character is based on Squirrel Girl.
*** My superhero character may not be based on Squirrel Girl.

----------


## danielxcutter

Didnt she canonically beat up Thanos?

----------


## vasilidor

> Didnt she canonically beat up Thanos?


yes. squirrel girl beat up Thanos.

----------


## TeChameleon

> Didnt she canonically beat up Thanos?


Squirrel Girl's very first appearance (plotted and drawn by _Steve Ditko_, no less!) was her beating the snot out of Doctor Doom.  She tends to punch so far out of her weight class that even Batman is jealous, which for a long while was her primary joke.  Although the Thanos fight was retconned as probably being one of Thanos'... clone-thingies (basically a purple Doombot, if we're being honest) by the guy who wrote the original Thanos vs Squirrel Girl thing, and I have no idea what the point of any of it was.  And also I'm pretty sure the Thanos-Clones are supposed to have all the power and knowledge of the original, so I'm not sure what making it a clone rather than the original proves, exactly.

More on-topic...

* using tactics dreamed up to fight gods against level 10 characters is probably overkill
** using tactics dreamed up to fight gods against the aforementioned gods is hopefully not overkill, but either way, it's going to be very, very messy

* singing the Boot to the Head song isn't a battle cry, even if you're playing a monk
** even if you cross-class into bard for it, the first hint of Carl Douglas will result in rocks falling and your monk dying.  Nobody else, just the monk

----------


## Lord Raziere

> * My Orc fighter concept may not be "a bunch of dwarves found her when she was a babe and decided that since she was being raised by dwarves that she therefore was a dwarf"
> ** Cannot have her constantly refer to herself as a dwarf even though she is an orc on the reasoning that "a dwarf is a dwarf, no matter how tall, green or tusked they are."
> *** She then cannot call human bandits that attack her "orcs" and claim that orcs are a social construct.


**** May not similarly call any big boss foe I come across a "dragon"
***** "orcs" is not the name for any small group of people that randomly attacks me out of nowhere.

* My construct character may not be a former scarecrow somehow brought to life
** May not be a College of Whispers Bard who hides by standing still and spreading their arms in a T-Pose

* May not point out that a balance between good and evil setting is technically grimbright because it means good can never truly win even if evil fortunately cannot either.
** Knowing that the cosmic conflict is basically pointless, may not just make a chaotic neutral wizard to work for my own desires and goals.

----------


## Rater202

> * My response to my superhero character dying may not be: "She tells death she needs to be alive again; death sighs and gives her directions."
> ** Not even if my superhero character is based on Squirrel Girl.
> *** My superhero character may not be based on Squirrel Girl.


*May not cite the time Spider-Man defeated Squirrel Girl in her own comic.



> Didnt she canonically beat up Thanos?


That's questionable.

In the Great Lakes Avengers Christmas Special, there was a running plot of Doreen making runs to the store only to defeat increasingly larger villains on the way, culminating in her in outer space for some reason standing over a badly injured Thanos while Uatu the Watcher confirms that it's not a clone, a copy, or an illusion.

Much later, Thanos claimed that he could make copies of himself that were so perfect that not even a Watcher could tell the difference. (though, honestly, beating a copy that perfect would be just like beating the original so...)

a later comic still indicates that Doreen did not fight one of those copies.

All three of those comics were Written by Dan Slott, who likes to troll readers... As anyone whose read his decade long Spider-Man run should well know.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> * May not point out that a balance between good and evil setting is technically grimbright because it means good can never truly win even if evil fortunately cannot either.
> ** Knowing that the cosmic conflict is basically pointless, may not just make a chaotic neutral wizard to work for my own desires and goals.


*** Cannot argue that attempting to end the universe is a Neutral Good act.
**** Even if I plan to replace it with one with no cosmological morality.
***** Cannot keep turning the universe off and on again until I get one I like.

----------


## Kvess

> In the Great Lakes Avengers Christmas Special, there was a running plot of Doreen making runs to the store only to defeat increasingly larger villains on the way, culminating in her in outer space for some reason standing over a badly injured Thanos while Uatu the Watcher confirms that it's not a clone, a copy, or an illusion.
> 
> Much later, Thanos claimed that he could make copies of himself that were so perfect that not even a Watcher could tell the difference. (though, honestly, beating a copy that perfect would be just like beating the original so...)
> 
> a later comic still indicates that Doreen did not fight one of those copies.
> 
> All three of those comics were Written by Dan Slott, who likes to troll readers... As anyone whose read his decade long Spider-Man run should well know.


Comics are stories, not simulations. Batman preparing for a week to knock out Superman can be an interesting story. Superman knocking out Batman in 0.02 seconds might be the expected outcome, but it isn't much of a story, is it? 

If you are a powerful supervillain, the lesson here is to be extremely careful around comic-relief characters. With such a mismatch in power and tone, the narrative weight is in favour of them somehow foiling your plan by throwing a squirrel at you.

Squirrel Girl defeating Thanos is funny. Thanos killing Squirrel Girl is just a downer.

----------


## Telok

> If you are a powerful supervillain, the lesson here is to be extremely careful around comic-relief characters. With such a mismatch in power and tone, the narrative weight is in favour of them somehow foiling your plan by throwing a squirrel at you.
> 
> Squirrel Girl defeating Thanos is funny. Thanos killing Squirrel Girl is just a downer.


I think that one came up in the original thread, people not being allowed characters who are aware of narrative causality and ablw to abuse it.

----------


## Bohandas

> I think that one came up in the original thread, people not being allowed characters who are aware of narrative causality and ablw to abuse it.


That's like the end of Star Wars 8;

"I want every gun we have to fire on that man! More! MORE!"

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> Squirrel Girl defeating Thanos is funny. Thanos killing Squirrel Girl is just a downer.


 I would rephrase that as _Squirrel Girl defeating Thanos is funny. Thanos killing Squirrel Girl is hilarious in the hands of the write screenwriter. The key to success is in the put down line ..._

* I may never again allow our druid (Shepherd) summon a nereid for an underwater battle with his Conjure Fey spell.

----------


## Socksy

* Despite the book failing to specify XP cannot be negative, I can't max out all my abilities and start play with several thousand negative XP.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I cannot abuse poor proofreading to take powers and talents that don't exist.
** This is not an excuse to homebrew overpowered versions.
*** Especially if I've worked out what the nonexistent options actually refer to.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not try to run a con on destiny itself
** May not try to make a replica of a sword in the stone then disguise myself as the chosen hero to kill the evil without the wait.
*** May not fake a bunch of deaths to try and prevent a prophecy saying those people will die
**** may not try disguising myself as the long-lost heir to the throne meant to bring order to the kingdom then do their job better than them
***** The villain may not in turn reveal all the prophecies to be lies to convince people he can only be defeated by a highly specific order of events that allow him to gain victory since he can exploit people following along with what they say.

----------


## Telok

> ***** The villain may not in turn reveal all the prophecies to be lies to convince people he can only be defeated by a highly specific order of events that allow him to gain victory since he can exploit people following along with what they say.


That's good. I may have to borrow it for a long run aboleth plot.

----------


## Astral Avenger

*May not surprise the DM with a flour explosion on the surprise round after negotiations break down.

* Must not only speak primordial during combat, even if 'the goblins might understand us if I share my plan in common.'
** Same applies for gnomish and infernal, especially since no one else in the party speaks either of them.

* Must warn the party before my sorcerer goes nova and 1-shots a green dragon wyrmling at level 5. (To be fair, the dragon failed the dex save for half damage and I had 7/8 dice from quickened lightning bolt rolled either a 5 or a 6. I wasn't expecting to pull off nearly that much damage, and then the ray of frost finished it off...)

----------


## Rater202

I cannot play a were-creature that never assumes its fully humanoid form as an excuse to get out of wearing pants.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I cannot play a were-creature that never assumes its fully humanoid form as an excuse to get out of wearing pants.


** If we're playing in the UK I may go pantless, but trousers are nonoptional.
*** Being trousered does not remove the need for trousers.
**** This applies out of game as well.
** If my character is female the GM would like a word about blouses...

----------


## Metastachydium

> I cannot play a were-creature that never assumes its fully humanoid form as an excuse to get out of wearing pants.


(This might be a good place to mention that I _do_ actually have a _hengeyokai_ character who's not even aware of having a human form, as well as a lizard character who's a lizard. Quite naturally, neither of them wear clothes.)

----------


## Wookieetank

*May not play a tiefling werewolf to sneak satyrs into the setting.
**Especially if satyrs already exist in setting.
***Creative use of partially transforming as a werecreature, while creative, are typically banned.

----------


## Telok

* May not go around knocking out druids and welding them into metal armor just to see what happens before my character takes their first druid level.
** May not then go all "exterminatus" on the heretical imposter druids when the PC fighter-druid welded into metal armor gets treated completely differently.
*** May not derail the entire campaign into a genocidal religious war based on DM forgetting and changing houserules week to week.
**** May not point out that the DM's rule of "spells do exactly what they say and only what they say" and a couple missing words in a spell logically result in the entire party getting to play additional copies of themselves.

----------


## Rater202

A gun that causes most people to go into cardiac arrest if it hits their center mass is not a non-lethal weapon.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* My rogue Dragon-Blooded magistrate may not have a Solar exalted archon as a retainer 

* My Luka Sene member may not constantly needle the Jedi, knowing that they're supposed to be stoic and disciplined. 
** they are not "proverb spouting monks"
*** May not respond to them by reciting "Fear leads to Anger which leads to Hatred which leads to Rock And Roll Music which leads to Drugs which leads to Wearing All Black, Red Lightsabers and a Bad Makeover"
**** May not refer to the Jedi recruitment method as "literally legalized kidnapping"
***** May not imitate a Jedi by acting like a stereotypical old master and muttering "what is the sound of one hand clapping? you have to look within yourself to save yourself from your other self. Only then will your true self reveal itself. the path to enlightenment... is the enlightenment of the path. that which leads to the dark side inevitably leads to the dark side of the Force. Remember that young padawan and you too will be enlightened in your enlightenment of the light side."
****** May not make the padawans wash my speeder and pretend its a secret martial arts lesson like in Karate Kid while pretending to be a Jedi
******* May not use the Force to replicate Fist of the North Star techniques

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Any weapon which destroys the entire universe is one I'm not allowed to possess.
** Even if it remakes 99.9999999999999999999% of it afterwards.

----------


## Rater202

> * My rogue Dragon-Blooded magistrate may not have a Solar exalted archon as a retainer 
> 
> * My Luka Sene member may not constantly needle the Jedi, knowing that they're supposed to be stoic and disciplined. 
> ** they are not "proverb spouting monks"
> *** May not respond to them by reciting "Fear leads to Anger which leads to Hatred which leads to Rock And Roll Music which leads to Drugs which leads to Wearing All Black, Red Lightsabers and a Bad Makeover"
> **** May not refer to the Jedi recruitment method as "literally legalized kidnapping"
> ***** May not imitate a Jedi by acting like a stereotypical old master and muttering "what is the sound of one hand clapping? you have to look within yourself to save yourself from your other self. Only then will your true self reveal itself. the path to enlightenment... is the enlightenment of the path. that which leads to the dark side inevitably leads to the dark side of the Force. Remember that young padawan and you too will be enlightened in your enlightenment of the light side."
> ****** May not make the padawans wash my speeder and pretend its a secret martial arts lesson like in Karate Kid while pretending to be a Jedi
> ******* May not use the Force to replicate Fist of the North Star techniques


********Using the Force to make someone's head explode is probably a dark side power.

*May not point out the number of times Kenshiro, in just the first five episodes, made someone's head or entire body explode with one or two strikes and suggest that the purpose of the full "atatatatatata" version is to make someone keep exploding continuously until either they stay dead or a set amount of time has passed.

*I cannot play a brightly and colorfully dressed dwarven bard who sings songs or tells stories at every opportunity.
**Nor a spontaneously musical Orc or Goblin.
***"But Tolkien Did it" is not an excuse.
****I must go along with the watered-down cookie-cutter standee races.

*Can't point out that, based on comments from the Hobbit, which 1: Has a prelude establishing that "Orc" and "Goblin" referred to the same race of people in Middle Earth and 2: The chapter that introduces the Goblin notes that the Goblins are very clever and good at inventing, with heavy implications that Orcs would go on to invent factory industrialization and Mechanized warfare, among other things, that that "Da Orkz" of Warhammer 40K are strictly speaking the closests to Tolkiens vision of any adaption or derivative work.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> *Can't point out that, based on comments from the Hobbit, which 1: Has a prelude establishing that "Orc" and "Goblin" referred to the same race of people in Middle Earth and 2: The chapter that introduces the Goblin notes that the Goblins are very clever and good at inventing, with heavy implications that Orcs would go on to invent factory industrialization and Mechanized warfare, among other things, that that "Da Orkz" of Warhammer 40K are strictly speaking the closest to Tolkiens vision of any adaption or derivative work.


** May not point out that means World of Warcraft goblins and the Orcs of the Horde Post-Cataclysm are also closer than most to Tolkien's vision
*** My goblin artificer may not be "Mantakax Boomabillion" a capitalistic mad inventor who accidentally got sent from Azeroth to the campaign world by an experiment he was doing with a portal gun
**** All my solutions may not consist of figuring out ways to blow things up, fast talk people into selling them something or shoot it in the face
***** His goal may not consist of shooting villains in the face so he can get fame to write books to sell for profit so he can overthrow his rival trade prince and take his place.
****** May not somehow be saner than the other PC this character was teamed up with.

----------


## Rater202

If the players can't tell if an NPC couple are fighting or making love, I need to tone them down.

A sparring match should not open with a sucker punch followed by the phrase "the safe word is 'potato.' "

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I may no longer have my microphone active when the party bard (I am DM) blows the Silver Horn of Valhalla when confronted by a gibbering mouther. (What the party heard over the mic (on Discord) - "And that's how to shoot at mosquitoes with buck shot" - which was meant for my own amusement).  

** I may not describe the seven Berserkers as being lumberjacks (these have great axes) who only speak Swedish - only the bard understands them since he has the horn attuned - since it ended up creating far too many wisecracks from everyone that disrupted play.  

*** I may not imitate the Swedish chef (ref = the Muppets) when speaking as one of the Berserkers to the bard.

----------


## Silly Name

> ** I may not describe the seven Berserkers as being lumberjacks (these have great axes) who only speak Swedish - only the bard understands them since has has the horn- since it ended up creating far too many wisecracks from everyone that disrupted play.


***I may not abuse the presence of lumberjacks to make yet another Monty Python reference

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> ***I may not abuse the presence of lumberjacks to make yet another Monty Python reference


 Yes, some of the players started singing right away ...  :Small Tongue:

----------


## Socksy

* I am not a member of "Clam Banu Haqim".
** Actually, as animals can't be Embraced, there is _no_ need to debate what a Banu Haqim Clam would look like, do, or feed on.
*** Any character concept based on a typo is vetoed.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* "DnD but every time a PC gets hit, a random encounter is summoned" will not catch on
** nor will "DnD but every time someone rolls a natural 1 on a d20, a wild magic effect from the deck of many things goes off"
*** or "DnD but every time someone rolls a natural 1 on a d20, the party gets randomly teleported"
**** or "DnD, but you get a bonus to reckless actions that rises every time you do something reckless and succeed"
***** and especially not "DnD, but twitch chat is the GM"

----------


## Telok

* The warlock may no longer declare "mimic check" and abuse eldrich blast's inability to target objects every time we see statues, armor, chests, odd furniture, corpses, unusual lights, or random atmospheric effects.

** The warlock may not use eldrich blast's new found ability to target objects to repelling blast doors, stone columns, book shelves, statues, windows, etc. Even though they are smaller than, and weigh less than, the 20-headed giant hydra that got blasted off a cliff yesterday.

*** The warlock may not self target with resilient sphere and repelling blast to play "purple worm pinball" from inside said purple worm.

**** Not allowed to play warlocks any more.

----------


## danielxcutter

> * The warlock may no longer declare "mimic check" and abuse eldrich blast's inability to target objects every time we see statues, armor, chests, odd furniture, corpses, unusual lights, or random atmospheric effects.
> 
> ** The warlock may not use eldrich blast's new found ability to target objects to repelling blast doors, stone columns, book shelves, statues, windows, etc. Even though they are smaller than, and weigh less than, the 20-headed giant hydra that got blasted off a cliff yesterday.
> 
> *** The warlock may not self target with resilient sphere and repelling blast to play "purple worm pinball" from inside said purple worm.
> 
> **** Not allowed to play warlocks any more.


You know its weird that spells are like that in 5e. 3.5e Eldritch Blast at least did half damage.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

* May no longer say that _banishment_ takes you to a small padded cell where, playing over the crackly loudspeakers, are two songs on infinite repeat while you are forced to listen until the spell ends:
** The Barney theme song (I love you, you love me...)
** and Baby Shark.

----------


## BisectedBrioche

* While the DM expected you to join in some of the games of chance NPCs are partaking in, he did NOT expect you to do so in the middle of combat.

----------


## Rockphed

> * May no longer say that _banishment_ takes you to a small padded cell where, playing over the crackly loudspeakers, are two songs on infinite repeat while you are forced to listen until the spell ends:
> ** The Barney theme song (I love you, you love me...)
> ** and Baby Shark.


*** Cthulthu shark doo-doooo-do-do-do-da-doo

----------


## Corey

*My familiar's combat Help actions may not make use of its intestines.

----------


## Telok

> *My familiar's combat Help actions may not make use of its intestines.


** Pre-banning the flying half-demon sea cucumber.

----------


## Mandark

> * May no longer say that _banishment_ takes you to a small padded cell where, playing over the crackly loudspeakers, are two songs on infinite repeat while you are forced to listen until the spell ends:
> ** The Barney theme song (I love you, you love me...)
> ** and Baby Shark.


***May not correct nerds Argue with strangers on the internet that the "I love you song" from Barney (sung to the tune of "This Old Man"), is not the Theme song ( "Barney is a Dinosaur", whose tune is based on "Yankee Doodle")
****Even if it is the more annoying and catchy of the two.
*****I don't need to quote Wikipedia to know I'm right.
******But it can help. Occasionally.

----------


## ideasmith

> You know its weird that spells are like that in 5e. 3.5e Eldritch Blast at least did half damage.


So *all* 5e spell damage acts like 3.5 magic missile, and never damages inanimate objects? If so, that *is* weird. Damaging inanimate objects is something D&D magic should be capable of. Any edition. (Not that all spells should be able to do so, nor even all damaging spells. I have no problem with magic missile and M's sword being creatures-only.)

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> ***May not correct nerds Argue with strangers on the internet that the "I love you song" from Barney (sung to the tune of "This Old Man"), is not the Theme song ( "Barney is a Dinosaur", whose tune is based on "Yankee Doodle")
> ****Even if it is the more annoying and catchy of the two.
> *****I don't need to quote Wikipedia to know I'm right.
> ******But it can help. Occasionally.


Yeah. In game I just said it was the "I love you" song. But got lazy here.




> So *all* 5e spell damage acts like 3.5 magic missile, and never damages inanimate objects? If so, that *is* weird. Damaging inanimate objects is something D&D magic should be capable of. Any edition. (Not that all spells should be able to do so, nor even all damaging spells. I have no problem with magic missile and M's sword being creatures-only.)


Spell damage damages objects _if and only if it says it does_. So _firebolt_ can damage objects just fine (targets an object or creature). EB (in the fluff) _attacks the soul_, so it does nothing against objects. Other spells are mixed.

----------


## danielxcutter

5e is weird.

----------


## Rodimal

I am never, ever, ever, EVER allowed to play a Kender.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> I am never, ever, ever, EVER allowed to play a Kender.


** neither is anyone else. In fact, kender don't exist and never have. They were just an extended April Fool's joke.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I am never, ever, ever, EVER allowed to play a Kender.


** I am not allowed to argue for the existence of Kender Paladins

----------


## thorr-kan

> ** I am not allowed to argue for the existence of Kender Paladins


* I, however, encourage the existence of Kender Wild Mages
** Canonically, Kender may become Bards and Priests in 2E (Tales of the Lance boxed set); I would allow it.
*** Therefore, Spelljammer ships run by spellcasting Kender are possible; I would encourage it.
**** WHEE!

* Kender may become Sha'irs, the genie-summoning Wizards from 2E Al-Qadim.  They can cast Wish at 1st level.
** WHEE!

(Joking aside, Hakim Star'trekher, my kender sha'ir was So. Much. Fun. to play in  Assassins' Mountain.)

----------


## Telok

I have no problem wi pc kender... If they provide me with an actual backstory that shows they understand they aren't playing an ******* klepto halfling knock-off, but a species that's insane by most human standards from a lack of fear and the inability to understand non-personal object ownership.

That said, just to have something on topic:
* Even though its been 30+ years, different groups, and they have zero expectation to ever even see the books much less play a game of it... I am still not allowed to play a rogue scientist in Rifts with access to smart missiles.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I have no problem wi pc kender... If they provide me with an actual backstory that shows they understand they aren't playing an ******* klepto halfling knock-off, but a species that's insane by most human standards from a lack of fear and the inability to understand non-personal object ownership.


Well there goes my Chaotic Neutral Kender who 'borrowed' some powers from a passing knight.

----------


## Telok

> Well there goes my Chaotic Neutral Kender who 'borrowed' some powers from a passing knight.


Weel, do you mean "years of training in using a sword" type game mechanic "powers" or more "oh the chaos knight isn't using this tentacle right now and I'm having trouble reaching the top of the table, so..." type powers? Because a sufficiently entertaining backstory can include a multitude of sins.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not call out to enemy minions while intentionally stating a fact wrong then kill the minion who tries to correct me when they say "well, actually..." or "well technically..." on the logic that I've tricked the smartest one into revealing themselves so that they die first.
** When no minions correct me, may not declare "ok they're all dumb, no threat here."
*** May not then claim that any actual intelligent person then underestimates me because I got a fact "wrong" and therefore dismisses me as a threat because I'm not smart to them.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Weel, do you mean "years of training in using a sword" type game mechanic "powers" or more "oh the chaos knight isn't using this tentacle right now and I'm having trouble reaching the top of the table, so..." type powers? Because a sufficiently entertaining backstory can include a multitude of sins.


More along the latter lines, haven't developed a backstory because the character kind of requires a GM who knows what Kender are. I've just never had one.

----------


## Rockphed

> More along the latter lines, haven't developed a backstory because the character kind of requires a GM who knows what Kender are. I've just never had one.


I believe you mean "knows what Kender are and doesn't ban them preemptively".  Lots of people know enough about Kender to want to ban them without knowing enough to know that their memetic representation is not the only way to play them.

----------


## Corey

Does Prestidigitation have a maximum Scoville rating? Does the answer depend on whether it's cast with Subtle metamagic?

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * May no longer say that _banishment_ takes you to a small padded cell where, playing over the crackly loudspeakers, are two songs on infinite repeat while you are forced to listen until the spell ends:
> ** The Barney theme song (I love you, you love me...)
> ** and Baby Shark.


*My no longer send emails to the people in Geneva about a DM doing that ...  :Small Cool:  (Was player in that game and we all cringed) 
*** May no longer make fun of the purple worm that also got banished to a similar padded room in that same fight (since he's dead)  
***  May no longer (since I already did) point out that a purple dinosaur nonsense love song being sung to a purple worm in that padded cell was almost perfect purple irony 
**** May never again perform a song called _Purple Worm_ that is a direct ripoff of _Purple Rain_ by Prince.  
*Spoiler: No kidding, I did this*
Show

(I wrote the parody lyrics (no, I don't have weird Al Jankovic's talent for parody, but I do my best) and my bard performed it on stage to thunderous applause (didn't hurt that the paladin held up a purple worm tooth as the first chorus was being sung ... 




> ** neither is anyone else. In fact, kender don't exist and never have. They were just an extended April Fool's joke.


 True.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Ratlings are not secretly Kender, and I have to give my party members their stuff back.

----------


## Telok

> * Ratlings are not secretly Kender, and I have to give my party members their stuff back.


** Tibbets are not supposed to be secretly kender in fur onesies, and I am probably going to be banned from playing them if I wear my "team grumpy cat" t-shirt when I show my character sheet.

----------


## TrashTrash

* Not allowed to roll "unintended consequences" for the Wish spell.
** even if it's because I needed a plot hook

* No more raccoons on random encounter tables

* Sticking to the scientific fact that spiderwebs are flammable must take a backseat when the artificer starts casting Firebolt like it's going out of style
** especially when the party walks into the middle of a giant spider den
*** especially not in a forest previously described as "overgrown... the brush and debris is almost impossible to walk through"

----------


## Silly Name

> ** Tibbets are not supposed to be secretly kender in fur onesies, and I am probably going to be banned from playing them if I wear my "team grumpy cat" t-shirt when I show my character sheet.


*** I cannot argue that every Small race is actually kenders in disguise

----------


## Anonymouswizard

**** Cannot point out that this all began because Warhammer 40,000 Ratlings are space halflings with additional kleptomania and hedonism, playing one as a stereotypical Kender is in character (although without the 'are good and innocent' bit).


* I cannot execute other party members for Heresy.
** No, not even if I was a Commissar.
*** Being able to do so to the Space Marine is suspect.

----------


## BisectedBrioche

> ** Tibbets are not supposed to be secretly kender in fur onesies, and I am probably going to be banned from playing them if I wear my "team grumpy cat" t-shirt when I show my character sheet.


** Tieflings are not "the new kender"

----------


## Rater202

I cannot do a Zelda-based Roleplay that consists of Zora, Twili, and Gorons trying to figure out why humans wear clothes.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Yes I am still banned from naturism. No, it doesn't matter if you couldn't see my naught bits anyway.
** Even as a Druid.

----------


## JoeNapalm

* I am not allowed to ever say "C'mon, what could possibly go wrong?"

** I am not allowed to retort to reasonable objections to the above question with "When did you guys become such sissies?"

*** I am not allowed to prefix any dangerous creature with "it's just a cute little [dragon/demon/tarrasque/kitten/etc]"

**** I am not allowed to bring up the Half-Minotaur/Half-Ogre Warforged Dungeon Crasher I rolled up as a backup character when the DM is contemplating the consequences of any potential TPK I may or may not have instigated.


* I am not allowed to state the probability of rolling consecutive Natural 1s, even if said observation cannot be scientifically proven to alter those odds. 

** No rituals -- of any length or duration -- may be performed, before, during or after play, with the intent of altering probabilities.

*** No, it would not have worked, had it been allowed.



-Jn-
Ifriti Sophist

----------


## Corey

* I may not list "boudoir supplies" in the equipment section of my character sheet.
** On the line for rope, I may not list location as "bedroom".
** The same goes for manacles.
*** Neither the rope nor the manacles may have the descriptor "pink".

----------


## danielxcutter

> * I may not list "boudoir supplies" in the equipment section of my character sheet.
> ** On the line for rope, I may not list location as "bedroom".
> ** The same goes for manacles.
> *** Neither the rope nor the manacles may have the descriptor "pink".


**** Collars are right out.

----------


## JoeNapalm

> **** Collars are right out.


***** These items do not grant a "Masterwork Tools" bonus to ANY skill checks, no matter how many times the question is asked.

****** Escape Artist does not have Focus or Specialization bonues.

----------


## JoeNapalm

* I am not allowed to say "Nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure" during rescue missions.

** I am not allowed unsupervised access to nuclear weapons.

*** My imaginary childhood friend is not real, and therefore does not count as "supervision" -- he is also not a giant vorpal bunny.

**** In regards to targeting/disarming/accounting for said nuclear weapons, it is not "close enough for government work."

***** I will not shout "Broken Arrow" unless the situation demands it.

****** It is not up to me (or Mr.Snicker-Snack) to determine if the situation demands it.


* "Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money" is not an appropriate message to request aid from the Temple that hired us.

** "Wine, women & song" do not fall under "plus expenses"

*** No, the Reverend Mother does not have a "hall pass for heroes"



-Jn-
Ifriti Sophist

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> ** Tieflings are not "the new kender"


 Tieflings have always been 'the new emo'.  :Small Yuk:  



> * I may not list "boudoir supplies" in the equipment section of my character sheet.
> ** On the line for rope, I may not list location as "bedroom".
> ** The same goes for manacles.
> *** Neither the rope nor the manacles may have the descriptor "pink".


 Hey, I thought this game was supposed to be fun. *Spoiler: Notasafeword*
Show

Hurtmebeatmemakemewritebadchecks is not a safeword




> * "Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money" is not an appropriate message to request aid from the Temple that hired us.


 Wait, what?  :Small Eek:   That's SOP! 
* May no longer groan "Game over, man" when we are out of spells and the second wave of werebadgers begin their attack.

----------


## Telok

More from the "<blam!> next character" files.

Not allowed to play...

Infernal Warlock of Pelor
GOO Warlock of Ao
Cleric of Cthulhu
Cleric of Atropal
Cleric of Malal
Anything of Hello Kitty
Mr. "My positive charisma mod and proficiency totally entitles me to participate in social encounters" perma-exhausted Beserker Barbarian
Gnoll Bard named Elvis (double banned for the hip wiggling)
Orc Bard named Marylin Monroe (not even if I wear the dress to game)

----------


## Bohandas

> * Sticking to the scientific fact that spiderwebs are flammable must take a backseat when the artificer starts casting Firebolt like it's going out of style


It's not just a fact, it's explicitly acknowledged in the game rules

"The strands of a web spell are flammable. A magic flaming sword can slash them away as easily as a hand brushes away cobwebs. Any fire can set the webs alight and burn away 5 square feet in 1 round. All creatures within flaming webs take 2d4 points of fire damage from the flames."

----------


## Metastachydium

> Cleric of Cthulhu
> ()
> Anything of Hello Kitty


Anything of Hello Cthulhu, on the other hand

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> It's not just a fact, it's explicitly acknowledged in the game rules
> 
> "The strands of a web spell are flammable. A magic flaming sword can slash them away as easily as a hand brushes away cobwebs. Any fire can set the webs alight and burn away 5 square feet in 1 round. All creatures within flaming webs take 2d4 points of fire damage from the flames."


 *Spoiler: web and fire ball combo platter*
Show

One of my favorite combo platters is my warlock, using her wand, drops a web on a group of enemies which is followed by the Wizard's fireball. 
1. The restrained ones in the web have dex saves at disadvantage and they each get another 2d4 damage (not saved against) on top of the fireball.

I'll speak for our DM, after about the third time we pulled this off
* I may no longer attack the party with a swarm of enemies 
*Spoiler: How it has since played out*
Show

He doesn't; he tends to do waves and has plenty of missile firing/lobbing monsters/NPCs mixed in

----------


## Corey

*My bards are not allowed to play "The Freshmen Down At Yale"
* Nor "The Bastard King of England"
* Nor any other song from "The Bawdy and the Naughty"
** Even if the proper names are changed to suit the game world.
*** Especially not if the names are changed to suit the game world.

----------


## Pauly

> *My bards are not allowed to play "The Freshman Down At Yale"
> * Nor "The Bastard King of England"
> * Nor any other song from "The Bawdy and the Naughty"
> ** Even if the proper names are changed to suit the game world.
> *** Especially not if the names are changed to suit the game world.


**** Nor may they even hum the first bars of the Sodomy song from Meet the Feebles, no matter what Peter Jackson did later in his career.

----------


## TeChameleon

> *My bards are not allowed to play "The Freshman Down At Yale"
> * Nor "The Bastard King of England"
> * Nor any other song from "The Bawdy and the Naughty"
> ** Even if the proper names are changed to suit the game world.
> *** Especially not if the names are changed to suit the game world.


"The Hedgehog Song" and "A Wizard's Staff has a Knob on the End" are, however, allowed.

*Once*.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Cannot resolve the entire battle with one roll.
** No, not even if that's the official rules.

----------


## Bohandas

> *My bards are not allowed to play "The Freshman Down At Yale"
> * Nor "The Bastard King of England"
> * Nor any other song from "The Bawdy and the Naughty"
> ** Even if the proper names are changed to suit the game world.
> *** Especially not if the names are changed to suit the game world.


**** Nor even if they already have the same names as things in the game world as in the case of "The Great Wheel"

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> **** Nor even if they already have the same names as things in the game world as in the case of "The Great Wheel"


* May no longer quote the engineer who had died (which cuts into some of my bard's repertoire when she plays at the lower class waterfront taverns) 

** May not again treat the party to my rendition of _The Good Ship Venus_

----------


## Rater202

> * Yes I am still banned from naturism. No, it doesn't matter if you couldn't see my naught bits anyway.
> ** Even as a Druid.


Cannot wait until the tenth session to tell the players that clothes don't exist in this setting.

----------


## Corey

> Cannot wait until the tenth session to tell the players that clothes don't exist in this setting.


If Korvin's bard had sung them Godiva's Hymn, they might already have guessed.

----------


## Laughing Dog

*If me and another player are playing characters that are twins, they should probably be the same race.
**Even if they are fraternal twins.
***Especially odd if one is an aasimar, and the other is a tiefling.
****It does make for awkward family reunions, however.

----------


## Bohandas

*May not play a droid named THC-420
**CBD-420 has the same problem

----------


## Wookieetank

> *May not play a droid named THC-420
> **CBD-420 has the same problem


***THX-1138 while amusing, is also out

----------


## Pauly

> *May not play a droid named THC-420
> **CBD-420 has the same problem


*** Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A is not allowed for astromech droids that specialize in hacking.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

****(*) Encoding my droid's name in binary, while thematic, is annoying to other players.

----------


## Telok

* The pcs are not allowed to charm, deceive, manipulate, befriend, copy, or mind control the npc war priest with a recharge 4-6 bonus action heal.

** The npc necromancer wizard has no records, written or otherwise, of his custom spell that turns a dead body into a skeleton, a walking skin, a muscle ooze, strangling intestines, and a flying brain.

*** The pcs are supposed to be impressed with the npcs efficency and thoughtfulness, not immedately try to learn the spell or capture the npc alive.

**** The pcs are not to try to gain use of, or access to, any of the fun and "game breaking" npc abilities.

***** No longer allowed to use the established setting, dm provided fluff, logic, and dm custom monsters to accidentally make the dm rage quit.

----------


## Socksy

* Camarilla elders tend not to appreciate Orwell quotes.

----------


## Bohandas

> *May not play a droid named THC-420
> **CBD-420 has the same problem





> ***THX-1138 while amusing, is also out





> *** Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A is not allowed for astromech droids that specialize in hacking.





> ****(*) Encoding my droid's name in binary, while thematic, is annoying to other players.


******My droid DEFINITELY can't be named BDSM-69

*******That is NOT what C-3PO meant by "human-cyborg relations"

----------


## Wookieetank

> ******My droid DEFINITELY can't be named BDSM-69
> 
> *******That is NOT what C-3PO meant by "human-cyborg relations"


I think we have our winner, well played. :Small Big Grin:

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ******My droid DEFINITELY can't be named BDSM-69
> 
> *******That is NOT what C-3PO meant by "human-cyborg relations"


******** '01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01001010 01100101 01100100 01101001 00100000 01000011 01101111 01100100 01100101 00100000 01000110 01101111 01110010 01100010 01101001 01100100 01110011 00100000 01101001 01110100' is not my safeword.

----------


## Bohandas

*I don't care if the fellowship of the ring did it, we're not splitting the party
**If one of the fellowship jumped off a bridg...bad example...

*_Star Wars_ is science fantasy, whereas _Star Trek_ is serious science fiction that just happens to have a lot of psychics and gods.
**And in one memorable case a character who put a curse on the Enterprise by burning a model of it.
***Similarly, the sonic screwdriver from _Dr.Who_ is not a magic wand
****Nor is it a cocktail

*Deep Thought did not leave off a zero
**Even if that would make the answer intelligible

*Magic rings are not a controlled substance

*Farmer Maggot's mushrooms were not hallucinogenic

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ***Similarly, the sonic screwdriver from _Dr.Who_ is not a magic wand.


**** I just user it for something other than driving a screw.
***** Even if I'm playing the second Doctor.


* I must stop referring to Sigmar as 'the Emperor-god of Man'.

* If none of the party are literate we can't take notes.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> *Farmer Maggot's mushrooms were not hallucinogenic


I beg to differ.  :Small Cool:

----------


## Rockphed

> I beg to differ.


While I am fairly certain that Tolkien mentions hobbits' love of mushrooms, you are not the first person to suggest that farmer Maggot used his mushrooms recreationally

----------


## Bohandas

*The _lyre of building_ just has to be played. It doesn't require the user to play _We Built This City on Rock & Roll_ specifically.

*It doesn't matter if I'm a cleric of the god of rogues, "keep your pimp hand strong" is not a commandment
**I may not swear a vow to rock and roll all night and party every day when we're doing a stealth campaign
***I may take a vow to smoke weed every day, but per the rules on page  55 of _Drow of the Underdark_ it costs two feats to gain any sort of mechanical advantage from it

----------


## Rater202

I can't play a character of godlike power and then just spend eternity backpacking across the planet without ever once using my power.

----------


## danielxcutter

That unironically sounds like a fun concept.

----------


## noob

> I can't play a character of godlike power and then just spend eternity backpacking across the planet without ever once using my power.


* Even if it would make sense in character if you were a dnd deity.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* The Spellplague was not due to Mystara going on here gap year.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* may not make a book entitled "Dark Arts For Beginners"
** may not use it to teach impressionable people to summon cute harmless demons
*** May not use it as a part of a long term plan to corrupt them into summoning more and more harmful demons over time
**** My evil master plan may not consist of making bad things initially cute and harmless to popularize them and then gradually making people slide into the darker stuff once they get a taste.

----------


## Bohandas

> * may not make a book entitled "Dark Arts For Beginners"


You should cross-post that to What's On The Shelf

----------


## Wookieetank

> * may not make a book entitled "Dark Arts For Beginners"
> ** may not use it to teach impressionable people to summon cute harmless demons
> *** May not use it as a part of a long term plan to corrupt them into summoning more and more harmful demons over time
> **** My evil master plan may not consist of making bad things initially cute and harmless to popularize them and then gradually making people slide into the darker stuff once they get a taste.


*****Doing so in a pokemon campaign is right out.

----------


## Socksy

* Pentex does not have plans to be carbon-neutral by 2022.

----------


## Bohandas

*Ghouls in Call of Cthulhu do not talk like Beaker from The Muppets
**Even if Lovecraft did describe them as talking in "meep"s

* **** pics are not named after Richard Pickman

*"Yith" is spelled with a "th"

*The band Phish was not founded in Insmouth

*Yig does not have weekend custody of all the world's snakes
**Yig does not owe my boa constrictor child support

----------


## Telok

> **Yig does not owe my boa constrictor child support


I'd suggest finding a sleazy lawyer and trying to collect anyways. Either you get something or there's one less sleazy lawyer in the world. Win/win.

From the world of "if I promise not to use that random encounter chart will you take the handcuffs off?", random encounters I may no longer use:

* ninja volcano
* titanic dire mosquito swarm
* the Inquisition
* the other Inquisition
* drop bears
* Elvis Presley
* Pelvis Parsley
* Slaneesh vs Lolth oil wrestling
* bouncing kamungas
* half dragon, half troll, half wombat, half plataypus, half tasmanian devil, kangaroo fairys

----------


## Rater202

*I can't play a transhumanist who used a combination of genetic engineering, cybernetics, nanomachines, biomechanics, and technoorganics to turn themselves into a waifish faelike being of incredible power.
**This goes double in settings where the Fair Folk explicitly doesn't exist.
***Tripple in settings where they explicitly _do_.

----------


## Bohandas

> * ninja volcano


Is the volcano a ninja or do ninjas come out of the volcano?

----------


## danielxcutter

> *I can't play a transhumanist who used a combination of genetic engineering, cybernetics, nanomachines, biomechanics, and technoorganics to turn themselves into a waifish faelike being of incredible power.
> **This goes double in settings where the Fair Folk explicitly doesn't exist.
> ***Tripple in settings where they explicitly _do_.


I legitimately do not see a problem with this.

----------


## Rater202

> Is the volcano a ninja or do ninjas come out of the volcano?


The Ninja can generate fire, smoke, lava, and corrosive byproducts of tectonic activity.



> I legitimately do not see a problem with this.


1: This is assuming a sic-fi setting where a childlike puckish trickster isn't on brand.

This goes double if you're filling a role that doesn't exist in the setting.

And The Fair Folk do not take kindly to mockery, so if they exist explicitly it's just a bad idea.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

I'm not sure the True Fae really care enough to bother. Like, they basically do the same thing when they make Changelings.

* My tailor Wizened may use their powers to spin clothes into sodium. But I may not do it while they're being worn.
** The fact that I can make high quality clothes off of literal rubbish is not a justification for doing so.
*** This is the reason why all of the courts kicked me out.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> The Ninja can generate fire, smoke, lava, and corrosive byproducts of tectonic activity.


* May not claim this is only slightly more pyromania than the average ninja
** ninja may not be accurately described as "spies with a tendency towards pyromania"
*** Nor may spies be accurately described as "ninjas if modern tech"

* May not attempt to establish a consistent model of superhero physics across franchises
** Mostly because this may in fact, make me go mad from the revelation
*** The First Law is not "The only true constant is the Author-God, all else is variable"
**** The Second Law is not "What becomes super, often stays super"
***** The Third Law is not "What dies, tends to return."
****** The Fourth Law is not "As the improbability of the scenario increases, so does the chances of success"

----------


## Rater202

> * May not claim this is only slightly more pyromania than the average ninja
> ** ninja may not be accurately described as "spies with a tendency towards pyromania"
> *** Nor may spies be accurately described as "ninjas if modern tech"


*May not do years of research on all forms of ninja-powers and combine them in order to make myself a transcendental being in order to create the "best fire."
**I cannot obtain the power of the greatest of all fires, intense enough to obliterate all matter in a star system, solely to say that I can.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> *Ghouls in Call of Cthulhu do not talk like Beaker from The Muppets
> **Even if Lovecraft did describe them as talking in "meep"s


 That got a RL cackle out of me.   



> *The band Phish was not founded in Insmouth


 Say it ain't so!  :Small Eek:

----------


## Rockphed

> Say it ain't so!


Insmouth, you say?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I have enuff dakka.

----------


## DrewID

*May not base any character solely and entirely off of any song/skit by Tom Lehrer or Monty Python.
**May not play any character who is *in* a skit/song by Tom Lehrer or Monty Python.
***May not play Tom Lehrer, or any member of Monty Python.

DrewID

----------


## dspeyer

* Just because a class of objects exists in setting does not mean the PCs have to steal one
** Even in Blades in the Dark
*** Especially if the class of objects is "stars"

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I may no longer dive off of a ship into a portal into another dimension without first casting Heroes Feast for the Party.  :Small Eek: 

** I may no longer ask our Bladelock "Uh, wait, didn't I cast freedom of movement on you?" before we engage with a many tentacled monster ...  :Small Eek:

----------


## noob

> * Just because a class of objects exists in setting does not mean the PCs have to steal one
> ** Even in Blades in the Dark
> *** Especially if the class of objects is "stars"


**** The heist for an actor did not end up with everyone dying within a 50 meters radius from a poorly planned grenade throw.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* my vampire death knight's response to bandits may not be "slay them all, raise them as undead and command them to guard the innocent village forevermore."
** may not offer vampire immortality to every girl I meet as a pickup line
*** May not play "Magus Confronted" every time I get into combat
**** My form of hunting does not consist of going and draining the life force or blood of the first deer I see as sustenance.
***** may not respond to paladins with "Yeah sure but at least I'm not Heaven's glorified errand boy"
****** My character goal doesn't consist of looking darkly stylish while slaughtering evil people in droves with a zombie army.
******* May not encounter another knight with an army of demons and proclaim "finally a worthy opponent! our battle will be legendary!"

----------


## danielxcutter

Huh, guessing this isn't D&D since death knights and vampires are different creatures?

----------


## Lord Raziere

> Huh, guessing this isn't D&D since death knights and vampires are different creatures?


I long ago stopped caring whether it was DnD. its kind of based on the WoW Death knight but I'm not referring to any specific universe. I just wanted to play a death knight today but can't and also want to play some heroic vampire at point, so I did this instead.

* My vampire's superhero name is not "Sangui-Woman"
** Sangui-Knight? No.
*** Sanguis? Maybe
**** Crimson Cape? No.
***** Nightfang? No.
****** "Lesbites" while accurate, is not appropriate
******* Bloody Justice might be a bit TOO violent....
******** Maybe just call her Miss Vampire? is that taken already?

----------


## Telok

* Not allowed to call the kilometer long starship strafing the battle with magic-nuclear torpedoes "close air support".
** Also not allowed to start play with more than one such starship, no matter how much starting xp I dump into the backgrounds.
*** Using magic to cheat survive direct nuclear hits at first level is just rude. Legit by the rules, but rude.




> I long ago stopped caring whether it was DnD. its kind of based on the WoW Death knight but I'm not referring to any specific universe. I just wanted to play a death knight today but can't and also want to play some heroic vampire at point, so I did this instead.


Come to dark side... Dungeons the Dragoning has cookies.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> Come to dark side... Dungeons the Dragoning has cookies.


I already did! I tried to play with two different groups one after another, they both died, the first after few months the other I think faster. and after I worked out the best backgrounds for vampire feeding to....

* May not insist that a DtD Vampire needs Followers 2, Holdings 2 to function
** May not imply that if the foe hasn't fallen apart a week after you sliced with them with a chainsword, that you have not mastered fantasy hyper-iaijutsu
*** May not become a tiefling elfaboo follower of corellon just to get the best katanas. (yes this is an actual thing in DtD) 
**** despite it being recommended by my first group, I don't actually need the Mark of Tzeentch to have a functional sorcerer
***** But it would be funny to take it anyways and just cast spells for everything anyways without caring about the consequences.

----------


## Rater202

> I long ago stopped caring whether it was DnD. its kind of based on the WoW Death knight but I'm not referring to any specific universe. I just wanted to play a death knight today but can't and also want to play some heroic vampire at point, so I did this instead.
> 
> * My vampire's superhero name is not "Sangui-Woman"
> ** Sangui-Knight? No.
> *** Sanguis? Maybe
> **** Crimson Cape? No.
> ***** Nightfang? No.
> ****** "Lesbites" while accurate, is not appropriate
> ******* Bloody Justice might be a bit TOO violent....
> ******** Maybe just call her Miss Vampire? is that taken already?


*May not play a demon girl banished from the demon world for not being evil enough.
**Her goal cannot be to acquire enough energy to power herself up to the point that she can brute force her way back.
***She cannot deliberately set her up as the Superman to Raz's Vampire's Batman.

----------


## Lord Raziere

Batman archetype seems good, but also mix in some Spiderman for me. Vampire drinking blood is always a classic reason to have someone after you and to have a bad rep, and the JJJ can be a vampire hunter. its more solid to me than most bad reps.

* Spiderman's M&M complications aren't "J. Jonah Jameson", "My Loved Ones Keep Dying", and "My Writers keep acting as if I'm in high school."
** Batman's M&M complications aren't "My parents are DEEEEEEAAAAAD!!!", "No Killing!", "Women in costume are irresistible to me", "My Robins keep dying", "Joker thinks we're a couple, he's wrong.", "My writers keep portraying me as more violent and thuggish than I should be.", "I claim to work alone to my vast social network of friends" and "I don't know the meaning of being hospitalized. or rest."   

* my other superhero concepts cannot consist of "lofi-blasting skater girl" or "jazz blasting motorcyclist"
** may not be a super who uses the power of "Zero" to do things like "Zero Distance" to teleport, "Zero Death" to be immortal, "Zero Solidity" to be incorporeal....
*** May not replicate the Kamui powerset
**** may not combine Kamui with Za Warudo and Unlimited Blade Works

----------


## Rater202

I can't unironically rip off Kill La Kill for my superhero concept.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> I can't unironically rip off Kill La Kill for my superhero concept.


I mean thats what Referential Cosplay Style is: being empowered by clothing to be super-powerful in anime-tastic way. Just without the parasite thing and made to be more flexible. Jade is basically magic cosplay Batman. the only flaw is that she doesn't have a consistent aesthetic or costume which doesn't lend well to being an iconic superhero which live or die on having a consistent design that stands out in peoples minds. 

* My new idea isn't "Superhero Strategy" where supers using superpowers to create and battle with armies for the fate of the world
** The available super armies are not "tyranid/zerg clone with humanoid hive queen.", "mad scientist with robot army", "mafia boss/supervillain with normal goons", "clone army superhero", "chrono superhero who summons armies from across time", "mutant school", "SHIELD clone", "necromancer with zombies", "elemental gangs", "martial artist with ninja army", and "sorcerer with demon army"
*** Even if now that I think it, a Superhero Strategy game would solve a LOT of problems with superheroes.

----------


## Rater202

> I mean thats what Referential Cosplay Style is: being empowered by clothing to be super-powerful in anime-tastic way. Just without the parasite thing and made to be more flexible. Jade is basically magic cosplay Batman. the only flaw is that she doesn't have a consistent aesthetic or costume which doesn't lend well to being an iconic superhero which live or die on having a consistent design that stands out in peoples minds.


I meant more along the lines of "power through lack of shame represented by acting normal and confident while wearing scandalously revealing clothing... Also, you're immortal due to being fused with alien parasites at birth."

----------


## Lord Raziere

Legends of the Wulin stuff:
* May not rename "Divine Pattern Long-Strokes" to "Spin to Win With Spear Style"
** Flying Red Silk stylists are not all power bottoms
*** Subtle Force is a style about peace and subduing your opponent nonlethally. not humiliating them by tricking the opponent into hurting themselves in various ways.
**** Fire Sutra maybe the Firebender Style, but having a burn scar on the left side of my face is not a requirement.
***** Jade Spirit Sword is not Fantasy Hyper-Iaijutsu and I do not have to do a bunch of impossible things to master it. 
****** Removing Concepts is not the "Win By Doing Nothing" Style. 
******* nor is Unstained Lotus Mastery just Fist of the North Star Style.

----------


## Bohandas

*While it is true that the shining trapezohedron is black yet luminous and shows images that can only be seen in the dark, this does not automatically make it a smartphone or a TV

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not point out that skateboards and rollerskates are actually conceptually low tech when you think about it
** May not try justify the existence of skateboarders and skaters in medieval fantasy
*** Especially not if its to make a bunch of skateboarding bards. 
**** Or worse make a school of monks that teaches a martial arts style based on skating.
***** May not point out that magic could probably easily make up for any modern materials used to make skateboards/skates function

* May not point out Exalted could also plausibly have both skates and skateboards in both mundane and artifact versions
** Dragon-Blooded Dynast teenagers don't go skating around the Imperial city over the peasants they rule while shouting "totally gnarly!"
*** skateboards and skates aren't fallen mundane attempts at replicating Solar Exalted hoverboards and gliding shoes of the first age in some small way.

* Dungeons the Dragoning however definitely probably has skateboarding and skating adventurers and you can totally play a skateboarding adventurer there.

* may not wonder how low tech you have to be to invent bicycles.

----------


## Rater202

> * May not point out that skateboards and rollerskates are actually conceptually low tech when you think about it
> ** May not try justify the existence of skateboarders and skaters in medieval fantasy
> *** Especially not if its to make a bunch of skateboarding bards. 
> **** Or worse make a school of monks that teaches a martial arts style based on skating.
> ***** May not point out that magic could probably easily make up for any modern materials used to make skateboards/skates function
> 
> * May not point out Exalted could also plausibly have both skates and skateboards in both mundane and artifact versions
> ** Dragon-Blooded Dynast teenagers don't go skating around the Imperial city over the peasants they rule while shouting "totally gnarly!"
> *** skateboards and skates aren't fallen mundane attempts at replicating Solar Exalted hoverboards and gliding shoes of the first age in some small way.
> ...


*My Getimani can't be a from _Exalted verses The World od Darkness_ and invent skateboards, bicycles, and the like as part of my efforts to build an army to forcibly modernize this anachronistic world I've woken up in.
**Cannot create custom charms based on selectively imposing Consensus Reality and/or real-life Physics on Creation whenever it is to my benefit.
***There is no conceivable way that in the aborted destiny that resulted in the specific incarnation of Exalted vs The World of Darkness that was my non-existent past, that I was friends with Caine.

----------


## noob

> * may not wonder how low tech you have to be to invent bicycles.


The first bicycles did not need tech beyond wheels.(but without a light and strong material like iron or bronze or whatever bicycles are not even worth as novelties)
They also were not nearly as good: you had to touch the ground to make it move and it did not move fast.
They are definitively not what you imagine when you ask if there is bicycles.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> The first bicycles did not need tech beyond wheels.(but without a light and strong material like iron or bronze or whatever bicycles are not even worth as novelties)
> They also were not nearly as good: you had to touch the ground to make it move and it did not move fast.
> They are definitively not what you imagine when you ask if there is bicycles.


* May not repeat pointing out that magic could solve the whole materials problem
** and the speed problem
*** stop trying to introduce modern low-tech into fantasy

* The group's soldier may not turn out to be a Eclipse Caste Solar Exalted because he is actually a logistician and quartermaster adept at navigating military regulations and resolving disputes between soldiers and generals alike
** the group's diplomat/courtier may not turn out to be Dawn Caste Solar Exalted because she is more talented at three unarmed martial arts designed to be used in court politics, assassination and subterfuge rather than actual diplomacy
*** the group's priest may not turn out to be a Twilight Caste because learning about spiritual matters only inspired her to learn more and poke and prod at it to investigate it rather than give her faith and ideals to inspire others with.
**** the group's blacksmith may not out to be a Night Caste who uses their blacksmithing skills to make tools to help with their much more profitable criminal enterprises. 
***** the groups Zenith Caste may not be a cynical intellectual who spouts off philosophy while drinking while making sure people don't do stupid things with logic and reason.

----------


## Telok

* A Saddle of Levitation and a barrel enchanted with Gust of Wind, a speeder bike does not make.
** No commandeering Baba Yaga's hut and calling it an At-At.
*** Suggestion, Jump, slow fall, immunity to being surprised, and a sun blade do not make me a D&D Jedi.
**** Variations of "Thou shalt get thy Star Wars the **** out my D&D." is not cause for me to shout "Bingo!" and claim I won.

----------


## DeTess

> ** No commandeering Baba Yaga's hut and calling it an At-At.


***May not point out that, as the hut is frequently shown with only two legs, it would be an AT-ST instead

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Bards are not Jaegermonsters.

----------


## thorr-kan

> * Bards are not Jaegermonsters.


**But Jaegermonsters think they are bards.
***(And just enough Jaegermonsters *are* bards that it keeps the rest of them deluded into believing they are, too.)
****(I'm looking at you, Oggie.  Just because you've got the descendants doesn't mean these other schmoes will.)

----------


## Bohandas

*The Necronomicon was not the inspiration for Facebook

----------


## Rockphed

> *The Necronomicon was not the inspiration for Facebook


** The Necrotelecomnicon is not a Facebook feed.

----------


## Rater202

*I can't play an Exalted vs The world of Darkness revised addition Liminel if I'm going to be creepy about it.
**"Creepy about it" in this case means taking the vampire "child" flaw and the Born in Blood merit on a Blood Aspect, justifying it by saying that her creator kidnapped a bubbly child pageant winner, a sweet-tempered academic, and a tomboyish athlete for "ingredients" and throwing them together in a cauldron of vampire blood as part of a hedge magic ritual to create "the perfect little girl."
***As an aside, the Born in Blood merit is explicitly forbidden to Liminals.
****Describing her as a pale skinned girl with long stringy black hair wearing a long white gown and no shoes and playing up her Aspect markins(pale skin and stagnant water) and anima banner(scarlet energy that flowing down the body in trails of fluid only to immediately evaporate into a crimson mist that exudes the smell of metal) for all their worth don't help.
*****My lifeline intricacy being "Find 'daddy' and ask him why I was created" is putting a hat on a hat at this point.
******Haven't I already been banned from playing creepy children?
*******My creator can not be "Professor Utonium as a dark wizard" down to sharing his basic personality and mannerism.

----------


## danielxcutter

I have no idea how I managed to suspect "Powerpuff Girls" after the second or so part, but I did.

----------


## Rater202

> I have no idea how I managed to suspect "Powerpuff Girls" after the second or so part, but I did.


I mean, the motivation was described as "create the perfect little girl" and two of the ingredients are just flat-out descriptions of two of the girls while the third was described as bubbly.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> **But Jaegermonsters think they are bards.
> ***(And just enough Jaegermonsters *are* bards that it keeps the rest of them deluded into believing they are, too.)
> ****(I'm looking at you, Oggie.  Just because you've got the descendants doesn't mean these other schmoes will.)


To be fair we don't know if Jaegers are fertile. Also while Oggie is a Bard Dimo possibly head enough intelligence to multiclass to Wizard even without reaching the General stage.

Actually, I did back the Girl Genius RPG Kickstarter, so I'll be interested in March to find out if Jaegers can be Sparks.

----------


## Bohandas

*Having been killed by an attack dog does not make Wilbur Whateley "the wussiest demigod ever"

EDIT:

*Onions do not have grenade launchers. You're getting Shrek and Quake mixed up again.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> *Onions do not have grenade launchers. You're getting Shrek and Quake mixed up again.


 I love this!   :Small Smile: 

Things I may not do again: 
* Drop Hypnotic Pattern down on top of the NPC and me, and the pack of wolves that just swarmed me and the NPC _who I am supposed to protect_. (Disadvantage against my own spell save DC of 19 went as expected-fail!)  
** Look expectantly at our SorcLock so that he remembers to drop one of his eldritch blasts onto me (his ally) so that I can "snap out of it." 
*** Dimension Door away with the NPC while our Hexblade is getting swarmed under by a pack of dire wolves and some demon mounted on a nightmare
*Spoiler: Oh dear, how bad was it? * 
Show

(It all worked out in the end, but there were some calls of "Uh, could use a little help here, dedicated support caster!"  :Small Furious:  from my allies).

----------


## TeChameleon

> To be fair we don't know if Jaegers are fertile. Also while Oggie is a Bard Dimo possibly head enough intelligence to multiclass to Wizard even without reaching the General stage.


Jaegers are fertile- Oggie didn't get into a relationship/married until post-Jaegerdraught, and we know he had a _lot_ of kids.  It was shown in the flashback when he was talking to Zeetha about being in a relationship with a Jaeger.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Jaegers are fertile- Oggie didn't get into a relationship/married until post-Jaegerdraught, and we know he had a _lot_ of kids.  It was shown in the flashback when he was talking to Zeetha about being in a relationship with a Jaeger.


Huh, honestly only recently got back into the comic. I swear I read somewhere* that Oggie conceived at least one kid before marriage. Of course that doesn't rule out post-Jaegerdaught children, just makes them not a strictly necessity.

Honestly though I'm not overly interested in Jaeger fertility, if it's not recommitting spelt out in the Girl Genius RPG then we can probably assume that it doesn't change.

* I'm fairly certain it was TV Tropes, witch tends to be relatively reliable.

----------


## TeChameleon

> Huh, honestly only recently got back into the comic. I swear I read somewhere* that Oggie conceived at least one kid before marriage. Of course that doesn't rule out post-Jaegerdaught children, just makes them not a strictly necessity.
> 
> Honestly though I'm not overly interested in Jaeger fertility, if it's not recommitting spelt out in the Girl Genius RPG then we can probably assume that it doesn't change.
> 
> * I'm fairly certain it was TV Tropes, witch tends to be relatively reliable.


Oop- turns out my memory was faulty, Oggie's first kid with his wife was pre-Jagerdraught, although they had plenty of kids after (as seen here).  Not a big deal, just don't like perpetrating misinformation (even about things as trivial as this  :Small Tongue: )

----------


## SpyOne

I, too, have certain compulsions about trivial things:
That lady, a normal human, was an adult when she concieved Oggie's first child, and then went away for ten years. She would not have many years left where childbearing was an option.
That last panel seems to be shortly after her passing, so her youngest possible child would be about 50 then. One or two of them might be that age, but really they all look younger than that.
I think that nobody in that picture is one of Oggie's children, they are his grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

And we have no idea if Jagers can sire children after becoming Jagers.

----------


## Bohandas

*Girl Genius jagermonsters are not to be conflated  with GWAR jagermonstas

EDIT:

*animal sacrifice is not "like when your dog drops a dead squirrel at your feet"

----------


## Telok

The other people at the table only get the wrong idea when you mention nuclear powered support undergarments.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* There is no such thing as "Ragelightenment"
** It is not when you get so angry at the entire world you find a measure of peace in fury and can both be furious and at peace with the world at the same time
*** I do not know what Banner meant in Avengers when he said he was "always angry"
**** Nor do I understand how Banner achieved his hulk fusion in Endgame. 

* may not start with "a Hinata that doesn't need no man" and end with "speedster hyuuga teleporter assassin ninja on par with Minato"

* may not start with "cynical lesbian cyborg with energy draining hands" and end with "paragon superheroine who fights using cosplay martial arts whose ultimate form is Asriel Dreamurr from Undertale"

----------


## danielxcutter

...I only get about half of those references, can you enlighten me?

----------


## Lord Raziere

> ...I only get about half of those references, can you enlighten me?


first few is just me making a joke about tranquil fury with some avengers references thrown in

the second is just referencing Hinata Hyuuga (a shy demure, cute and compassionate girl) while a character I like has no real motivation beyond being in love with Naruto. Minato is the Fourth Hokage and is basically both incredibly fast and has a power to teleport around and was so deadly in war his enemies told their soldiers to run from him on sight. 

the third is just me referencing a character I play and making a joke about how you'd never someone imagine as cynical and snarky as her to fight using cosplay from something as idealistic as Undertale's pacifist route. *Spoiler: spoilers I think, has it been long enough where this is not necessary anymore?*
Show

Asriel in specific, is a final boss goat-guy who turns into a rainbow angel to fight you in the most anime-tastic fight of the game.


* may not explain the joke.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> The other people at the table only get the wrong idea when you mention nuclear powered support undergarments.


I mean, presumably this is aabout having a fission reactor in your knickers so that you can recharge your raygun in emergency situations.

* Explosive undergarments are to be removed before use.
** Even if the Fighter is perfectly positioned.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* May no longer burn another charge from the _wand of paralysis_, on an air elemental, after the DM has pointed out that the earth elemental didn't need to roll a save versus the wand when I tried to zapp it with the wand. 
*Spoiler: my lame excuse*
Show

(Look, I was subbing in for the evoker's usual player. Am I really supposed to know all of the fiddly bits, like elementals being immune to the paralyzed condition? 

** may no longer urinate into the lead coffin, immediately after the cleric opens it. 
*Spoiler: My previous lame excuse*
Show

(Was playing for the Barbarian during the previous session, and it seemed like a good idea at the time)

----------


## Rater202

There is no degree of transhumanism or supernatural power that excludes me from the need to wear pants.

----------


## danielxcutter

> There is no degree of transhumanism or supernatural power that excludes me from the need to wear pants.


**Dresses may or may not be acceptable.
***Look, just cover up your naughty parts with _something,_ alright?

----------


## Tohron

> ***Look, just cover up your naughty parts with _something,_ alright?


****Eunuchs are not excluded from this rule

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> **Dresses may or may not be acceptable.
> ***Look, just cover up your naughty parts with _something,_ alright?


A kilt isn't a dress, and it may even be stylish.   :Small Cool:  For warmer climes, a toga may suffice.

----------


## Rater202

*If I find a genie that actually grants wishes to the best of it's ability without actively trying to screw you, I can't use my three wishes on "fast, secure, and reliable internet access on all my devices. For the heating and air conditioning in my house to always work properly. solar panels on my house that will never need to be repaired or replaced."
**'Becuase simple quality of life things like that are less likely to go wrong than something big' is not an excuse.

----------


## danielxcutter

Has anyone thought that if its possible and the genie isnt an ass, they want to free them?

----------


## Bohandas

*Bardic magic does not give me control over the elements of earth, wind, and fire

----------


## danielxcutter

Im pretty sure it literally can with the right build, actually.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> *If I find a genie that actually grants wishes to the best of it's ability without actively trying to screw you, I can't use my three wishes on "fast, secure, and reliable internet access on all my devices. For the heating and air conditioning in my house to always work properly. solar panels on my house that will never need to be repaired or replaced."
> **'Becuase simple quality of life things like that are less likely to go wrong than something big' is not an excuse.


You have enough wishes left? I thought wish one would be good you not to have to wear pants.

----------


## thorr-kan

> Has anyone thought that if its possible and the genie isnt an ass, they want to free them?


I run an 2E Al-Qadim campaign, heavy on the genies.  The consequences-free wishes are often offered after the genie has been freed.  So it's not necessary to free them.

----------


## Bohandas

*The rat-thing from _Dreams In The Witch House_ did not go on to become Mickey Mouse

----------


## Telok

> *The rat-thing from _Dreams In The Witch House_ did not go on to become Mickey Mouse


Oh yay, a new headcannon.

* The phrase "possession is 9/10s of the law" is apparently insufficent when discovered in bed with the mayor's significant other.

----------


## danielxcutter

> Oh yay, a new headcannon.
> 
> * The phrase "possession is 9/10s of the law" is apparently insufficent when discovered in bed with the mayor's significant other.


**Being a ghost doesn't help with it.

----------


## Rater202

The solution to a group of hostile werewolves meeting in the field outside my town is not "charge into their circle atop a suped-up ATV, brandishing a giant-ass anime sword, while a jury-rigged boombox/iPod hybrid is stapped to the back and is blaring a constant loop of heavy metal version of the _King of The Hill_ theme at ear-injuring volume."

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* The villain's password is not 'incorrect' and I should stop typing it in and make a hacking roll.


* It doesn't matter if the rules say that transforming destroys them, my werewolf must still wear trousers.

----------


## Rockphed

> * The villain's password is not 'incorrect' and I should stop typing it in and make a hacking roll.
> 
> 
> * It doesn't matter if the rules say that transforming destroys them, my werewolf must still wear trousers.


** Continued mentions of my trouserless state with a creepy smirk will result in my losing spell slots to summon up pants.

----------


## TeChameleon

* When faced with a difficult battle, made more difficult by everyone needing to control three PCs at once, the correct response is _not_ 'bring in more than a dozen familiars, summons, awakened trees, etc.'
* Speaking of difficult battles, I am no longer allowed to turn a tough boss fight into a single failed Charisma check.
* I am also no longer allowed to forget about having one of the only reliable sources of radiant damage in the party

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ** Continued mentions of my trouserless state with a creepy smirk will result in my losing spell slots to summon up pants.


*** Or Rites slots to learn the Rite of Dedication, as appropriate.

Was actually thinking more Werewolf: the Apocalypse/Forsaken 1e, where a character has to spend build resources for the party to retain access to clothes when transforming back. The main benefit was actually retaining access to your phone and wallet, which required limiting it to just trousers.

I suspect that a lot of lady Uratha have spare t-shirts stuffed in their back pockets. Although 2e made it relates to Harmony instead of a rite and removed the need to limit it to one garment to keep your stuff.

On that note:
* My characters are not allowed to have nudity taboos that differ from the country we're playing in.
** Even if they make practical sender.

----------


## Bohandas

> * When faced with a difficult battle, made more difficult by everyone needing to control three PCs at once, the correct response is _not_ 'bring in more than a dozen ... awakened trees, etc.'


**The fact that they did it in _Lord of the Rings_ is not an excuse

----------


## Rockphed

> **The fact that they did it in _Lord of the Rings_ is not an excuse


LOTR didn't bring in awakened trees to help a battle.  They brought in an angry forest to cut off the orcs' retreat.

----------


## Eldan

That was a unit of treants casting Liveoak, obviously. So they are technically animated trees.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> **The fact that they did it in _Lord of the Rings_ is not an excuse


*** Not even if the trees are singing.
**** I'm still banned from singing.

----------


## thorr-kan

> *** Not even if the trees are singing.
> **** I'm still banned from singing.


*****My singing voice has been declared a "cruel and unusual punishment" as defined by the Geneva Conventions (IRL!).  Any attempt to open up that can of bardic [email protected]$$ will result in authorized responses up to, and including, player vs. player violence and WMDs.

My Voice Is Not A Toy.

So, my bards are instrumentalists, chanters, or orators.  I can fake those.

----------


## Rater202

*I can not use my godlike powers over death to summon forth the ghosts of every pig ever slaughtered in Chicago's historic meatpacking district to form a massive army of spirits.

----------


## Bohandas

*Losing all sanity in Call of Cthulhu does not force your character to become a politician
**Or a Hollywood actor

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> *I can not use my godlike powers over death to summon forth the ghosts of every pig ever slaughtered in Chicago's historic meatpacking district to form a massive army of spirits.


 **Must play Pink Floyd's Pigs on the Wing while this army of porcine spirits invades London.  Or maybe play Pigs: it has a more dire tone to it.

----------


## Bohandas

*The Great Old Ones do not live in a rest home in Florida
**Neither do the Elder Gods

----------


## thorr-kan

> *The Great Old Ones do not live in a rest home in Florida
> **Neither do the Elder Gods


Of course not.

***Elder Ones and The Great Old Ones live in a rest home in Louisiana.

----------


## Rater202

Just because I have a charm called Unlimited Murder Works, that doesn't mean I have to recite an aria every. Single. Time.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Just because I have a charm called Unlimited Murder Works, that doesn't mean I have to recite an aria every. Single. Time.


Whoever's running this game is a spoilsport.

* Saber is not a pornomancer.
** Even if she gets her magic in the same way.

----------


## danielxcutter

> Whoever's running this game is a spoilsport.
> 
> * Saber is not a pornomancer.
> ** Even if she gets her magic in the same way.


Tbh it wasn't _just_ Saber, also that stuff got phased out a lot once the Fate franchise really kicked off.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Tbh it wasn't _just_ Saber, also that stuff got phased out a lot once the Fate franchise really kicked off.


Depends which route, I believe that a different character benefits from a mana transfer ritual in each.

Honestly, I'm a bit torn over the phasing out. I fully agree with removing the scenes, but the fact that this is a Thing That Can Work was a nice world building element. Plus we end up with Rin in her underwear for no reason, just go nudge nudge wink wink and cut to the next scene.

----------


## Socksy

* Not allowed to start with a Willpower of 10 as a VtM fledgling unless I have very good reason.
** Definitely not allowed to start with a Willpower of 10 as any Rogue Trader character, regardless of reason.

----------


## danielxcutter

> * Not allowed to start with a Willpower of 10 as a VtM fledgling unless I have very good reason.
> ** Definitely not allowed to start with a Willpower of 10 as any Rogue Trader character, regardless of reason.


...Is that high or low?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ...Is that high or low?


High in WoD(/CofD), the maximum you can get in WoD if I'm not mistaken. The average human has 2-3 (3-5 in CofD).

In Rogue Trader it's very, very low. Normally characters can't begin with less than 25 or 27 (depending on generation methoc), even in Dark Heresy I don't think you can have less than 22RAW. This is before Homeworld modifiers, but those are +/-5. The average human has about 30.

In both games high Willpower can be very useful. I believe it makes you next to impossible to Dominate in every version of Vampire, for starters.

----------


## Socksy

> ...Is that high or low?


10 Willpower is the maximum in the game in VtM, which uses d10s, and is about half of the minimum in the game for Rogue Trader, which uses d100s.

----------


## danielxcutter

> High in WoD(/CofD), the maximum you can get in WoD if I'm not mistaken. The average human has 2-3 (3-5 in CofD).
> 
> In Rogue Trader it's very, very low. Normally characters can't begin with less than 25 or 27 (depending on generation methoc), even in Dark Heresy I don't think you can have less than 22RAW. This is before Homeworld modifiers, but those are +/-5. The average human has about 30.
> 
> In both games high Willpower can be very useful. I believe it makes you next to impossible to Dominate in every version of Vampire, for starters.


Oh right, I remember that TTS special in Warhammer Fantasy.

...Damnit, now I made myself sad. ;w;

----------


## Laughing Dog

*The incantation for _Baleful Polymorph_ is not "Ka-Ox!"
**Wild Shape has no incantation, and even if it did, it would not be "Ka-Bear!"
***The incantation for _Plant Growth_ is not "Ka-Bloom!"
****The incantation for _Power Word: Kill_ is not "Ka-Dead!"
*****Fine, the incantation for _Fireball_ is "Kaboom!"

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I my no longer attempt to melee with an archduke of hell (CR 24) when I am playing a lore bard. (She got turned into a statue of gold with a single swing of his money bag/gold purse. You could say that he has the Midas touch, and that it's as close to becoming a Solid Gold Dancer as my lore bard will ever get). 
** I may no longer let my contingency spell expire (It has a ten day shelf life, which I re-learned to my chagrin during that same battle) 
*** I may no longer attune the flame tongue (Lore Bard again) rather than the ring of evasion that allows me to make any dex save I fail (up to to 3 times per day).   I fail dex saves a lot; it's a thing with this character.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* It is bad form to point out that the default starting equipment includes no clothing.

----------


## danielxcutter

> * I my no longer attempt to melee with an archduke of hell (CR 24) when I am playing a lore bard. (She got turned into a statue of gold with a single swing of his money bag/gold purse. You could say that he has the Midas touch, and that it's as close to becoming a Solid Gold Dancer as my lore bard will ever get). 
> ** I may no longer let my contingency spell expire (It has a ten day shelf life, which I re-learned to my chagrin during that same battle) 
> *** I may no longer attune the flame tongue (Lore Bard again) rather than the ring of evasion that allows me to make any dex save I fail (up to to 3 times per day).   I fail dex saves a lot; it's a thing with this character.


Mammon? I think PFs version does something like that.




> * It is bad form to point out that the default starting equipment includes no clothing.


I thought a lot did.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I thought a lot did.


A lot of designers just forget, but you're right that most do put a note in somewhere. Still amusing when it happens.

----------


## Silly Name

> * It is bad form to point out that the default starting equipment includes no clothing.


For D&D 5e? You're correct, but that's because set of clothes are provided by your Background's Equipment, not your class' starting equipment. Or were you referencing some other system?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> For D&D 5e? You're correct, but that's because set of clothes are provided by your Background's Equipment, not your class' starting equipment. Or were you referencing some other system?


I was referring to a couple of other games I've seen. Admittedly it's only intentional in The Burning Wheel.

----------


## BisectedBrioche

* The harpies' eggs were intended as treasure or food, not for your character to adopt!

----------


## Bohandas

*Cubone is not "the Ed Gein pokemon"

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* My class is not 'elf'.
** Or 'warrior-elf'.
*** I am to use the same rulebook as everybody else.

----------


## Milodiah

*If the lizard monsters' venom turns out to be a powerful hallucinogen, not allowed to start selling it on a large scale to enemy cities to weaken them.
**If my argument for being allowed to do something is "well the British Empire did it", I am not allowed to do that thing.
***East India Company is not one of the squares on the alignment chart, and even if it were I'm not allowed to be that. I'm already bad enough as Lawful Evil.

----------


## Bohandas

*Werewolves are not vulnerable to Coors Light

----------


## danielxcutter

Do I want to know what that is?

----------


## TeChameleon

Coors Light is a beer(-ish?) with the advertising slogan 'the silver bullet'.

----------


## Eldan

> * My class is not 'elf'.
> ** Or 'warrior-elf'.
> *** I am to use the same rulebook as everybody else.


****You are a diviner, not a cliomancer. 
*****Please, can we just play normal D&D.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ****You are a diviner, not a cliomancer. 
> *****Please, can we just play normal D&D.


****** No.

----------


## Lord Torath

> *****Please, can we just play normal D&D.





> ****** No.


I love the effect the asterisks add.

Not just "No," but "****** no!"

* My mage may not tank better than the half-giant.

----------


## LecternOfJasper

*May no longer remake an attack roll. 
** Even if I'm feeling really lucky this time. It is not bound to work at least once. 
*** May not longer roll hit dice, either. 
**** When I want to do something, I must ask someone else to roll for me.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* No matter how cool a Tobi mask is, depth perception is better

* The servant of the BBEG may not be a kind traveler who likes to make people happy by performing for and healing people
** Mostly because it makes players paranoid

* May not somehow successfully turn an Ocarina of Time reference into a prayer to a sea god into tricking said god into thinking that I've sacrificed a member of the crew
** Even if they demanded I get rid of the "heretic" because she was doing nothing but badmouthing him. 
*** Next time I play Song of Storms it shouldn't be to get rid of the storm.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> * No matter how cool a Tobi mask is, depth perception is better.


Bah! My real life experience suggests that depth perception is overrated!

* There is such a thing as too many daggers.
** I probably hit it when I was carrying more knives than rations.
*** If I have more weapons in my underwear than the rest of the party put together I've definitely passed it.

----------


## Telok

> Bah! My real life experience suggests that depth perception is overrated!
> 
> * There is such a thing as too many daggers.
> ** I probably hit it when I was carrying more knives than rations.
> *** If I have more weapons in my underwear than the rest of the party put together I've definitely passed it.


I don't even have to ask, I know that optimizing a character's undies to defeat enemies by sanity loss is unacceptable in almost all gaming groups...

...still kinda want to try it now tho.

----------


## Milodiah

*Even if the rulebook says cats only cost three copper pieces, and the standard wealth by level for a 4th level character is 4,000gp, my character is _not_ starting with 133,333 cats.

----------


## Rockphed

> *Even if the rulebook says cats only cost three copper pieces, and the standard wealth by level for a 4th level character is 4,000gp, my character is _not_ starting with 133,333 cats.


** Nor 133 cats.
*** Even 13 cats is a bit much.

* I do not keep a small village in line by threatening to sick my cats on them.

* I may not "huggle the widdle kitty" when it is a 900 pound tiger no matter my handle animal skill.
** "Handle animal" does not help me juggle the middle kitty either.

----------


## MornShine

> **Urist McFistbeard, does not have a prehensile beard that can make a fist shape
> ***Nor does he have an extra fist attached to his chin hidden behind his beard.


 * May not point out that there are actually rules for this in Pathfinder
** May not start reading a thread from the middle

----------


## danielxcutter

Well, bearded devils are a thing I think

----------


## Rater202

*The entire game can't just be the players being manipulated into gathering the resources needed to create their benefactor's perfect ideal body and transfer their memories, consciousness, thought patterns, emotions, miscellaneous psionic power/essence, soul, life force, mystical energy, ki, and anything else that could even remotely be considered "them" from their orignal body to the perfect body before the benefactors dies of a terminal illness.
**"getting old" is not a terminal illness.
***Death is not a disease.
****Especially not when you're middle age at the oldest and have no pressing health concerns.
*****The perfect ideal body can't be a creepy little girl with unfathomable power.

----------


## Mandark

> *The entire game can't just be the players being manipulated into gathering the resources needed to create their benefactor's perfect ideal body and transfer their memories, consciousness, thought patterns, emotions, miscellaneous psionic power/essence, soul, life force, mystical energy, ki, and anything else that could even remotely be considered "them" from their original body to the perfect body before the benefactors dies of a terminal illness.
> **"getting old" is not a terminal illness.
> ***Death is not a disease.
> ****Especially not when you're middle age at the oldest and have no pressing health concerns.
> *****The perfect ideal body can't be a creepy little girl with unfathomable power.


******The Church of the Silver Flame would like to have a word with you...😥

----------


## Rater202

> ******The Church of the Silver Flame would like to have a word with you...😥


Could you explain why in detail?

----------


## danielxcutter

The current Keeper of the Flame in present-day Eberron is Jaela Daran, an 11-year old girl who is normally a Cleric 3 but becomes a Cleric 18 inside Flamekeep.(Unsurprisingly, she doesn't exactly go on trips that often.)

No, not "actually centuries old but looks like a kid"(that's Vol IIRC), _literally an 11-year old girl._

Honestly, even without the Flamekeep uberboost having any PC class levels at that age is pretty impressive if you ask me. And Eberron is an extremely low-level setting on top of that.

----------


## Rater202

> The current Keeper of the Flame in present-day Eberron is Jaela Daran, an 11-year old girl who is normally a Cleric 3 but becomes a Cleric 18 inside Flamekeep.(Unsurprisingly, she doesn't exactly go on trips that often.)
> 
> No, not "actually centuries old but looks like a kid"(that's Vol IIRC), _literally an 11-year old girl._
> 
> Honestly, even without the Flamekeep uberboost having any PC class levels at that age is pretty impressive if you ask me. And Eberron is an extremely low-level setting on top of that.


I'm aware of all of that.

I just don't understand why they'd have a problem with creating a perfect body from scratch to cheat death.

Unless it's a "no, bad, my schtick" thing regarding a young girl with unfathomable power.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> I'm aware of all of that.
> 
> I just don't understand why they'd have a problem with creating a perfect body from scratch to cheat death.
> 
> Unless it's a "no, bad, my schtick" thing regarding a young girl with unfathomable power.


I mean transcending death to have immortal life is more of the Blood of Vol's thing, and while the Blood of Vol views undeath as a failure state (but still one they use ethically to help their community), the Silver Flame tends to take the classic "burn all undead, they're all bad" approach. and I don't recall Blood of Vol and the Silver Flame having a good relationship anyways.

extending life in such a manner might be considered something close to or be mistaken to be some kind of undead by the Silver Flame, and specifying little girl would probably make them think your targeting their high priest to take over her body to somehow wield the power of the Silver Flame for some nefarious purpose. 

* The Eberron nations are not all secretly making Metal Gears
** the Mourning was not caused by a Metal gear being used.
*** an Eberron game does not consist of byzantine shenanigans straight out of the Last Days of Foxhound.
**** My Changeling may not be a quintuple agent for all four great nations and what remains of Cyre and they do not have a labyrinthine mind on par with Revolver Ocelot enough to give a psion a headache trying to comprehend how I keep all my manipulations straight.

----------


## danielxcutter

I mean the 'Forged are as close to Metal Gear cyborgs in a D&D setting as you'll get I'd say.

----------


## Eldan

> * May not point out that there are actually rules for this in Pathfinder
> ** May not start reading a thread from the middle


***While hair blades exist in D&D 3.5, they are stupid and don't count as fists when attached to your beard.

----------


## Mandark

> Could you explain why in detail?


They are having a bake sale and were wondering if you wanted to buy some tasty cookies.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> They are having a bake sale and were wondering if you wanted to buy some tasty cookies.


I thought they were getting rid of Baker's Night?

* Profession (Pastry Chef) does not give me a synergy bonus to Diplomacy checks 
** Neither does Craft (Dessert), which is not a separate skill anyway.


* I may wear a kilt. This does not allow me to avoid wearing underpants.
** The same rule applies to my characters.

----------


## Telok

* Game night is not show-and-tell for any bits or interior pics you got to take home after your last surgery.
** It is not in keeping with Ms. Manner's best advice to troll the "I'm such a tough guy" player more than once using this method.

----------


## Duff

"The Dwarvish blacksmith's beard is short enough, and the apron is cut low enough, that you can see from her throat to her navel" is sufficient description.

----------


## Rater202

Even if it would be accurate to a corrupted version of my hearts desires, being a parasite that tricks other organisms into eating it, then subjugating its body and soul before devouring it from the inside out and absorbing 100% of its power in order to cheat all of the restrictions on power growth is not allowed.

----------


## Bohandas

*The protagonist of H.P.Lovecraft's _The Outsider_ was not Jack Skellington

----------


## Milodiah

> *The protagonist of H.P.Lovecraft's _The Outsider_ was not Jack Skellington


**and it CERTAINLY wasn't Jack Skelling-Tron. So you can just go ahead and soak that character sheet in lighter fluid and throw it in the fireplace.

----------


## Bohandas

*While I may create a permanent planar rift to Mount Celestia, I may not name the rift "The Glory Hole"

*The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile is not a Decepticon

*My gnome does not know what Phase Two is

*Spice Melange is not meant to be inhaled off the blade of a knife

----------


## danielxcutter

*Referencing Hellsing Abridged in a VtM game is out.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> *Referencing Hellsing Abridged in a VtM game is out.


** Referencing Harry Potter or Harry Dresden in a Mage game is also out
*** Saying "Believe It!" in a Ninja Crusade game gets you assassinated
**** Aw who am I kidding, no one has heard of Ninja Crusade, say it all you want if you can get a group

* Saying "People die when they are killed" in a Mage game is also out

* May not try to use Notorious BIG to take out supervillain speedsters on the logic that the stand automatically detects and relentlessly chases after their incredibly fast motions and cannot truly be killed.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I may reference anything I want when playing Unknown Armies, but it cannot fuel my magick 
** I do not get charges from other player's references either. Even as a Cinemancer.

----------


## Rater202

*In a Marvel Superheroes game, I am not to spend my downtime ****posting with memes comparing Doctor Doom to Invader Zim.
**Seriously, that's the kind of thing that makes him invade.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* My Exalted campaign may not be named _Heartwarming Getimian Propaganda Style_
** It may not portray the Maiden of Endings and by extension the rest of the Maidens as an unrepentant villain standing in the way of giving everyone immortality and freedom from destiny
*** the Sidereals may not be portrayed as evil secret agents talking in bored monotones like the robots from the matrix
**** the Getimians may not team up with the Infernals to be portrayed as a noble Star Wars-esque rebellion trying to bring peace and freedom to Creation by overthrowing tyrannical authorities
***** May not portray Solars as misguided Neji and other genius like people who simply need a good beating and friendship speech to join the Getimians side.
****** or the Lunars as misguided well-intentioned extremists who after their plans are foiled become wacky wild allies
******* may not defeat the Abyssals using the power of friendship and determination. 
******** May not portray the Dragon-Blooded as the Sidereals power-hungry lackeys.

----------


## danielxcutter

> *in a marvel superheroes game, i am not to spend my downtime ****posting with memes comparing doctor doom to invader zim.
> **seriously, that's the kind of thing that makes him invade.


*******Foot dive!

----------


## Rater202

> * My Exalted campaign may not be named _Heartwarming Getimian Propaganda Style_
> ** It may not portray the Maiden of Endings and by extension the rest of the Maidens as an unrepentant villain standing in the way of giving everyone immortality and freedom from destiny
> *** the Sidereals may not be portrayed as evil secret agents talking in bored monotones like the robots from the matrix
> **** the Getimians may not team up with the Infernals to be portrayed as a noble Star Wars-esque rebellion trying to bring peace and freedom to Creation by overthrowing tyrannical authorities
> ***** May not portray Solars as misguided Neji and other genius like people who simply need a good beating and friendship speech to join the Getimians side.
> ****** or the Lunars as misguided well-intentioned extremists who after their plans are foiled become wacky wild allies
> ******* may not defeat the Abyssals using the power of friendship and determination. 
> ******** May not portray the Dragon-Blooded as the Sidereals power-hungry lackeys.


I am reasonably certain that that's more or less canon.

----------


## vasilidor

> *In a Marvel Superheroes game, I am not to spend my downtime ****posting with memes comparing Doctor Doom to Invader Zim.
> **Seriously, that's the kind of thing that makes him invade.


Doom or Zim?

----------


## danielxcutter

> Doom or Zim?


***The answer is Yes.

----------


## Bohandas

*May not refer to Asmodeus as the "Master of Baator"

----------


## danielxcutter

> *May not refer to Asmodeus as the "Master of Baator"


...It took me a second to get that but I think the DM is morally obligated to smack you over the head with all three core books if you say that out loud.

----------


## Milodiah

*The fact that my character is from South Armagh does not grant a racial bonus to attacking Englishmen.
**Although admittedly quite long, the Wikipedia article 'list of Irish uprisings' is not sufficient evidence to change the GM's mind. 
***I must accept that when I chose to play an Irish dwarf, I very much set myself up for drinking jokes and leprechaun jokes, and there is nothing I can do about it. 
****Even if it's entirely justified by my backstory, yelling battle cries in both Gaelic and French is bound to confuse people.
*****Playing a spellcaster in Shadowrun is entirely reasonable, but not if the only reason is so your Irish dwarf can refer to his various foci as "me Lucky Charms".

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * 
> ****Even if it's entirely justified by my backstory, yelling battle cries in both Gaelic and French is bound to confuse people.


 Same problem will arise if your dwarf has Scots lineage.  :Small Wink:  Something about Gaels and Francs seems to be opposed to the English ...

----------


## MornShine

* "xenophobia" is not an acceptable character motivation
** neither is "teenage angst"

----------


## danielxcutter

> * "xenophobia" is not an acceptable character motivation
> ** neither is "teenage angst"


***May not point out that the first is arguably half the premise of WH40K.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> * "xenophobia" is not an acceptable character motivation
> ** neither is "teenage angst"


**** May not point out the second is arguably the premise of Monsterhearts, Masks: A New Generation, most of Homestuck, both TWEWY games, Deltarune, and New She-Ra

* My ninja may not summon dinosaurs
** Nor may they teleport everywhere
*** Summoning alternate versions of oneself from parallel universes is frowned upon
**** don't be surprised when the alternate versions don't agree with each other
***** or when one of them decides to kill all the others to absorb their knowledge so they get all the jutsu from them.

* May not try to imitate anything Dante does, no matter how cool it is.

----------


## danielxcutter

> * My ninja may not summon dinosaurs
> ** Nor may they teleport everywhere
> *** Summoning alternate versions of oneself from parallel universes is frowned upon
> **** don't be surprised when the alternate versions don't agree with each other
> ***** or when one of them decides to kill all the others to absorb their knowledge so they get all the jutsu from them.


******May not point out that the Echo Knight subclass does something similar.

----------


## Eldan

> * "xenophobia" is not an acceptable character motivation


**Unless we are playing Dark Heresy.

----------


## Rockphed

> **Unless we are playing Dark Heresy.


Even there it isn't a motivation; it's a moral imperative.

----------


## danielxcutter

> Even there it isn't a motivation; it's a moral imperative.


...Which can be a motivation.  :Small Tongue:

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> * "xenophobia" is not an acceptable character motivation
> ** neither is "teenage angst"


I mean the first is 40k, the second is its target audience.

----------


## danielxcutter

> I mean the first is 40k, the second is its target audience.


I think you got ninja'd twice in a row with the former. :p

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I think you got ninja'd twice in a row with the former. :p


I was fully aware the former had been brought up twice, but the joke kind of doesn't work without it

----------


## LecternOfJasper

* May no longer "reward" the monk's antics by giving them the powers and appearance of a warped yuan-ti.
** No, the social issues have not been considered. Since when do townsfolk matter? 
*** Why would becoming a low ranking member of a highly manipulative secret society/ancient reviled royal line be an issue? It's unfair to reward someone so well for being stupid.  :Small Tongue: 

* May no longer expect players to not look up what a monster looks like immediately after it's mentioned. 
** Not even when there's quite a variety of possibilities online, they'll likely not have seen it before, and I was aiming for showing it to them when they actually, y'know, encounter it, but whatever. 

* May no longer describe the boss's minions too much. More description must always equal more dangerous. 
** May no longer expect "there's definitely something horrible in that sarcophagus" to not be followed by "I pull it open." This is a rule that will always be followed. 
*** May no longer expect the party to take any damage over the course of multiple encounters that are in the Hard/Deadly range. 

* Must find magic items for the blind artificer that does not want anything to do with being blind or being an artificer  :Small Sigh:  
** Must ensure that said magic items both have nothing to do with the character's strengths or weaknesses while also making sure they're not especially useful for anyone else.

----------


## noob

> I mean the first is 40k, the second is its target audience.


Its true target audience is people who have way too much money to spend and finds the figurines cool looking.
There is low amounts teenage angst among people of that kind.



> * Must find magic items for the blind artificer that does not want anything to do with being blind or being an artificer  
> ** Must ensure that said magic items both have nothing to do with the character's strengths or weaknesses while also making sure they're not especially useful for anyone else.


*** May not suggest to give them a non magical sonic screwdriver no matter how silly it would be for the artificer to have a piece of tech they do not understand and for which being an artificer does not actually helps.
**** And not just because the party bard might grab it and call themselves the doctor.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Its true target audience is people who have way too much money to spend and finds the figurines cool looking.
> There is low amounts teenage angst among people of that kind.


Maybe it's different elsewhere, but in the UK it's very much targeted at 14 year old boys who can leech their parents of money.

Or it was back in my day. But that was when Warhammer Fantasy Battles was the adult targeted game. Before they killed it and brought out the Lord of the Rings game but with Law Warriors.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

Hypothetical question: is designing an adventure site revolving around oozes, with a party that deals _almost_ entirely slashing damage[1] ok?

[1]
* One character uses claws (it's a mutation-based class)
* Two use scimitars
* One pet with claws.
* The wizard is the only one _not_ doing slashing damage.

----------


## Telok

> Hypothetical question: is designing an adventure site revolving around oozes, with a party that deals _almost_ entirely slashing damage[1] ok?
> 
> [1]
> * One character uses claws (it's a mutation-based class)
> * Two use scimitars
> * One pet with claws.
> * The wizard is the only one _not_ doing slashing damage.


Yes.. if... you curate the oozes very carefully. I suggest going back through assorted April Fools episode of Dragon Mag.

----------


## Bohandas

*"Ni" "Peng" and "Neewom" are not words of the Thu'um

----------


## MornShine

* When it's 7:50pm and the restaurant closes at 8pm; you haven't eaten since yesterday; and you hear from down the hall someone mention 'D&D', the correct answer is to go to dinner, not to spend two and a half hours hanging out at some strangers' session zero.

** BLASPHEMY! D&D Trumps Everything.

----------


## danielxcutter

That depends on how much food they have, Id imagine.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * When it's 7:50pm and the restaurant closes at 8pm; you haven't eaten since yesterday; and you hear from down the hall someone mention 'D&D', the correct answer is to go to dinner, not to spend two and a half hours hanging out at some strangers' session zero.


 This is what the emergency Snickers bar, or package of beef jerkey,  that you keep in the back of the drawer is for.   Go to session 0.  (also, a lot more folks deliver these days).  



> ** BLASPHEMY! D&D Trumps Everything.


 That goes without saying.  :Small Big Grin:

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not hang up a motivational poster saying "Love and Peace! Or else."

* The Greatest threat to _Heartwarming Getimian Propaganda Style_ may not be _Selfless Alchemical Deeds For A Better World Method_

* May not be afraid of a bird who speaks my name and only my name
** Or of an undead parasite tree 
*** If we're this afraid to go into a tree that we have to shoot it first before entering, we may be in the wrong profession.

----------


## Milodiah

*I am to check whether or not I am playing the face before I attempt to impersonate a member of the CEO's personal protection detail. Preferably _before_ I am in the elevator going up to meet them. 
**If when that plan fails, I had better have a more solid backup plan than "the window".
***When that plan somehow succeeds against all odds, I definitely should not press my luck by showing random members of the protection detail pictures of an international fugitive and warning them to be on the lookout. At least, don't do that without verifying whether the person the CEO is going to meet with is or is not said fugitive. Because if there were a Late Show list of "Top Ten Ways To Blow Your Cover", that's gotta be at least in the upper half.
****You'd better believe you're invoking the Evil Dice Gods, not the Benevolent ones, when you say something like "I can't bear to look at this roll, so I'm just gonna close my eyes and judge how I did by the noises everyone at the table makes."
*****If I narrowly avoided death five times in a row within one hour of play time with this character on the first session, _during the initial legwork phase_, it may be wise to prepare a backup character ahead of time.

----------


## Rater202

*Klyntar symbiotes are not eligible to be registered as emotional support animals.
**Or disability support animals.
***Even if you need one to walk and manage your crippling anxiety.

----------


## MornShine

* when D&D Night turns into Board Game Night three weeks in a row, you don't have a D&D group
** what you do have is a board game group

----------


## Telok

* No longer allowed to be so damn cheerful about a character with 5 charisma when the point buy doesn't go below 8.

** Not allowed to draw character portraits while playing a character named "Snozar the Defiler of Eyeballs".

*** Not allowed to use logic about charisma being only partially appearance based to scare the new guy.

**** Absolutely not allowed image editing software while playing a character named "Snozar the Defiler of Eyeballs".

***** No longer allowed to buy the DM expensive fancy vodka to get more house rules.

****** Having a negative charisma will not cause an overflow error that wraps it around to 63, 127, 255, or any other number that is one less than a power of 2.

******* Not allowed internet links in the character description of a character named "Snozar the Defiler of Eyeballs".

Coming soon to the folder of "<blam!> Next character please.":  any character named "<something> the Defiler of Eyeballs".

----------


## Bohandas

*A camel's toe is not an appropriate ingredient for a witches' brew

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> ***** No longer allowed to buy the DM expensive fancy vodka to get more house rules.


 There's always pizza.  :Small Cool:

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Even if the rulebook doesn't expressly forbid Jaeger Sparks the GM does.
* Jaegers might not believe in buying hats, but that doesn't believe that I get to refund the cost of one at character creation.

----------


## Rockphed

> * Even if the rulebook doesn't expressly forbid Jaeger Sparks the GM does.
> * Jaegers might not believe in buying hats, but that doesn't believe that I get to refund the cost of one at character creation.


They may not "buy" hats, but they spend resources acquiring them nonetheless.

----------


## Telok

> They may not "buy" hats, but they spend resources acquiring them nonetheless.


* Other people's blood and suffering is technically a resource being expended if they have a hat I want.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> They may not "buy" hats, but they spend resources acquiring them nonetheless.


I mean, with DR3 and the Fast Healing advantage, not many hard to obtain resources  :Small Wink:

----------


## Rater202

I cannot base the Big Bad on Lois from _Malcolm in the Middle_

----------


## Bohandas

The term is "player character" not "playa character"

----------


## Lord Raziere

* I cannot have a shotel that damages through shields and ACs
** my knife cannot inflict bleed to take out a chunk of the enemies health when I score enough hits
*** May not try to parry/crit stab the enemy when this isn't Dark Souls
**** my weapons may inflict lightning damage, but they do not stun enemies
***** I may not dodge roll to avoid all damage unless I'm a rogue.
****** I may however, Praise the Sun

* Characters Goals may not be: ...learn all jutsu and become immortal with no idea what to do after
**...kidnap a distant relative and hold them for ransom to help fund the military I work in
***...make friends with the heiress of ancient enemy rival clan to start my megalomaniacal quest for power and also tick off my dad.
****...do jobs for the mafia to get MTF trans surgery
*****...make the puppet I do a ventriloquist act with and pretend is real, become a sapient robot so she can be my friend. 
******...learn medical jutsu so I can find a way to resurrect the village I come from because they died in a flood
*******...go to space when the world hasn't even invented rockets yet
********...find a friend who accepts me for who I am: a naturally born energy and memory draining vampire who wishes to drown in other identities to escape her own.
*********...collect a bunch of cool weapons and wield them to prove I'm more than just a water dispenser.
**********...kill and absorb ninjas into my blood so I can create clones of them to wield all jutsu and become the ultimate ninja for my village
***********...use mushrooms to get revenge for a long dead clan of people I don't know, upon a clan I know just as little of, so I can be famous for doing so.

----------


## TeChameleon

> The term is "player character" not "playa character"


** Unless it's a bard.

* My Aarakocra Monk is not allowed to 'forget' to get dressed just because he has no use for armour
** An open robe doesn't count as 'getting dressed'
*** Even if he doesn't have anything the other PCs would recognize as genitalia
**** Not even if even that is completely concealed by feathers
***** "Eschew Clothing" still isn't a valid feat

* Not allowed to convince the DM that the 5e monk is ridiculously OP due to a combination of lucky rolls, reckless playing that paid off remarkably well, and a first dungeon that happened to be basically tailor-made for monk abilities.

* Doesn't matter if the fluff says that the Aarakocra often spend months airborne on their home plane; you still have to come down occasionally

* Not allowed to shrug and pass over more than 10,000 Gp in coinage just because Aarakocra have very limited understanding of personal property, and one who was brought up cloistered has even less knowledge of/use for gold, and also because while shiny, they were all the same and thus not very interesting (the other players were very glad that one of the other PCs was close enough to hear the 'clink'!  :Small Tongue: )
** My Aarakocra monk may not take the Vow of Poverty when he barely understands material possessions as a concept

* Not allowed to respond to other PCs being horrified at zombified children with "They were only six?  So... a year older than me, then?"
** Not allowed to go around crushing the skulls of the downed zombie children in complete calm after being upset that the other PCs were going to steal dragon eggs
*** Not allowed to be absolutely traumatized once the whole age differential thing is explained and vow vengeance on the necromancer responsible

* Not allowed to forget that the other PCs can't fly

Playing a non-human that differs significantly in biology, mobility, age of maturity, and culture is fun  :Small Big Grin: 
... and while he may not understand personal possessions very well, he understands personal _space_ just fine, so the whole 'Kender problem' doesn't come up.

* If told to prep a character for an 'anime style game', it is expected that I'll turn up with the usual superhuman martial artist, magic user, giant-robot-pilot, magical girl, or something along those lines, not an expy of Yotsuba.
** If for whatever reason the previous rule is ignored, it shouldn't derail the plot so violently that the BBEG somehow ends up as a primary school principal and the game winds up focussing around the everyday, slice-of-life adventures of a cheerful, slightly odd small child learning about the world.

* If told to prep specifically for a 'traditional' magical girls game, the first hint of a Nanoha expy, rocks fall, everyone dies.
** Not allowed to get around the previous rule by making a character that's just straight-up Nanoha.
*** I am to forget that I've ever heard the phrase 'Starlight Breaker' for the duration of the game

----------


## Bohandas

*Innsmouth and Y'ha-Nthlei are not suburbs of Bikini Bottom
**Or vice-versa

----------


## Telok

* Even if the DM thinks its funny & true I am not allowed to troll the people playing fighters & barbarians by using thier combat damage done & taken to calculate the "horse power" of how many horses it would take to replace them.

** That the horses would have better social & wilderness skills does not allow me to assign a negative value to the fighters' & barbarians' contributions to exploration & social encounters.

*** Even though the DM agrees that we wouldn't be hunted outlaws if they'd just kept thier mouths shut and thier hands off the princess.

**** Not allowed to trade them for a pair of trained hippos. Even though it would boost the party dpr.

***** No longer allowed to agitate for using the AD&D reincarnation spell by pointing out that having them come back as bears would boost both thier combat & noncombat abilities.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* While probably a fun vs thread concept, "Dark souls protagonist vs. all of DnD" as a campaign would probably get real repetitive and old quick.

* May not evade being seen by the authorities though just standing in the middle of a crowd of people and acting casual.
** or standing just to the side of them watching as they run past too focused on whats in front of them to look to the sides. 
*** May not evade detection by standing on top of a billboard or sign watching as people walk below me
**** May not repeatedly demonstrate the folly of human perception by choosing seemingly bad hiding spots yet successfully evade being detected because of them.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* No longer allowed to cast _wall of light_ (which is opaque) between me and the enemy.  (The other players got upset that they could not see the enemy and had to go around it)  

** No longer allowed to cast _speak with dead_ directly after we have a tavern brawl that turned deadly - no, I didn't start it, that {censored} gnome rogue (our party) did) - since it freaks out the normal customers. (I guess they handle the occasional knifing with aplomb: and we thought it was a high class tavern!)  

*** No longer allowed to use my (warlock, celestial) invisibility cloak to impersonate a guardian angel (I healed a local guard who had been dropped by our barbarian), got him up, and then walked him home (invisibly) all the while whispering into his ear that he needs to become a disciple of {my deity} as a result of me, the angel, saving him from death).  When we got him to his home I briefly reappeared - to give him 'the angel's kiss' - his wife, who heard him open the door and saw me doing that - was NOT amused.

----------


## Bohandas

*May not refer to the Book of Exalted Deeds and Book of Vile Darkness as the "Book of E.D." and the "Book of V.D."

----------


## danielxcutter

...Okay, what's the joke here?

----------


## Bohandas

they're both also types of embarrassing medical conditions

----------


## danielxcutter

_...Ah._ I get it.

----------


## Telok

> ...Okay, what's the joke here?


Translates roughly to "Book of needs Viagra" and "Book of needs antibiotics for embarassing reasons".

It gets pretty funny in threads where people start dropping the "book of" part and just use the initials.

----------


## Socksy

* Chickens and Velociraptors generally don't share the same statblock.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> *May not refer to the Book of Exalted Deeds and Book of Vile Darkness as the "Book of E.D." and the "Book of V.D."


I thought the latter was the BoEF.

----------


## Rater202

The following are not an appropriate use of a Wish

A lifetime supply of hetap.
A lifetime supply of twinkies.
An episode of _Family Guy_ where Meg tarts getting treated better that isn't ignored in all later episodes.
For the writers of _The Simpsons_ to start doing more episodes like the more poignant ones from the first two seasons, such as Old Money
For a Shenmue/Yakuza style open-world game based on _King of The Hill_
For an infinitely replenishing bottle of Szechuan sauce.

----------


## Rockphed

> For an infinitely replenishing bottle of Szechuan sauce.


Ben Fleuter is way ahead of you on that one.

* The undead abomination being right is not a good reason to turn evil.
* Just because there is a statue on top of a building does not mean it is an avatar of a god.
** Nor an aspect of a demon.
*** Nor a stone being that has been watching the city for a thousand years waiting to take its revenge.

* Taking a castle apart and rebuilding it atop a skyscraper will not bring all the gargoyles on it to life.

* If I have an unidentified magical item I am not to give it to my girlfriend in the hopes of turning her into a werewolf.

----------


## Telok

Things not to try becuse I already knoe they won't fly:

* clay golem minis sculpted from limburger.

** dragon diapers

*** divination spells higher then first level on d&d warlocks.

**** same thing goes for permanent illusion, creation, summoning... just make it a general "nope" anything permanent for d&d warlocks.

Edit: update.

***** So... "because the online tool lets you buy them as _gear_ and put them in a spell component pouch" is apparently insufficient reason for a mid level d&d character with a pile of money to cast 'wall of meat' by using a free item interaction to whip out elephants.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> *****  "because the online tool lets you buy them as _gear_ and put them in a spell component pouch" is apparently insufficient reason for a mid level d&d character with a pile of money to cast 'wall of meat' by using a free item interaction to whip out elephants.


 This is one of the reasons to play D&D, right?

----------


## Telok

> This is one of the reasons to play D&D, right?


Well I do a lot of work with web apps in my job, so sometthng like dndbeyond or roll20 makes me start thinking. Especially if I'm looking for some function and trying to guess where it got put or if it exists. And that leads to thinking about checking the html to see if they properly hide backend data, or wanting to fire up wireshark and look at some packets.

I've mostly resisted so far.

----------


## Rockphed

Wait, is "wall of meat" a real spell, or are you casting it by plopping an elephant or five down between you and your enemy? I'm pretty sure it is the latter, but having a spell that makes a wall of size proportional to the corpse you use as material component would be a very necromancer thing.

----------


## danielxcutter

Well, there was a spell in 3.5e that did something similar with the target's blood vessels...

----------


## Bohandas

> Wait, is "wall of meat" a real spell, or are you casting it by plopping an elephant or five down between you and your enemy? I'm pretty sure it is the latter, but having a spell that makes a wall of size proportional to the corpse you use as material component would be a very necromancer thing.


I don't know if there's a spell that does this by itself but I do know that there's a _Wall of Stone_ spell and a _Stone to Flesh_ spell

----------


## Rater202

I cannot base major NPCs on harem anime archetypes.

----------


## danielxcutter

Wasnt there a system for that here on the forums?

----------


## Lord Torath

> I cannot base major NPCs on harem anime archetypes.





> Wasnt there a system for that here on the forums?


* No, of course not!  Why would there be? Okay, there could be - and probably is - something here on the forums for harems.
** We just said it's forbidden!
*** We really mean it!
**** _Really!_

----------


## danielxcutter

Okay, what the _fresh Baator_ did I miss?

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> I don't know if there's a spell that does this by itself but I do know that there's a _Wall of Stone_ spell and a _Stone to Flesh_ spell


 You remind me of a shenanigans event from a long ago AD&D game.  

* I may no longer refer to the wood golem that our tabaxi wizard recovered from a 'turned-to-stone' druid as "walking scratching post" 

** I may not make use of double entendre when I speak to the noble elven woman (she gave us a _sending stone_ so that we can report to her the progress on our anti-evil-elemental clean up mission) using 25 words or less.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Not every piece of advanced technology has a vibrate setting.

----------


## danielxcutter

> * Not every piece of advanced technology has a vibrate setting.


**May not try to add a vibrate setting to every piece of advanced technology.

----------


## Telok

* The fact that I had to hack the website html on the e-tools to fix a spell & my hp (where did the 12 extra hp come from? why the **** wouldn't they go away?) does not mean I'm allowed to set my level to 150% of the game cap just to check if they validate the incoming data.

** Thinking about setting my familiar to be the avatar of a god by comparing & passing in id numbers makes me a bad boy.

*** The fact that the bloody thing is giving me an untraceable extra +1 on attacks is not cause for me to reverse engineer and viciously abuse the vtt plug-in. I should just knock a point off manually.

**** Really should not try to add a vibrate setting to the vtt.

----------


## thorr-kan

> * The fact that I had to hack the website html on the e-tools to fix a spell & my hp (where did the 12 extra hp come from? why the **** wouldn't they go away?) does not mean I'm allowed to set my level to 150% of the game cap just to check if they validate the incoming data.


E-Tools, as in the D&D 3.x Character Generator?  Or generic e-tools, like dndbeyond.com?

----------


## Telok

Generic. Its always bad when being good at your job makes you double up one the evil. And being bad feels so good.

Ed: I'm probably technically violating some rule by figuring out enough about the system just by looking at it and knowing enough about the type of system to fix the error. Then fixing the mistake probably violates another 3 to 6 rules or something. And I understand why you wouldn't run a complete numbers update on a character for every submission if you were trying to save $ by minimizing processing for a few hundred thou users. But it really does let incremental errors creep in if there's nothing but hand coded partial updates with no tracking or occasional full recalculations. The only truely annoying thing was not being able to fix the bad info from the programming error with the tool provided for exactly that purpose.

----------


## thorr-kan

> Generic. Its always bad when being good at your job makes you double up one the evil. And being bad feels so good.


I see your conundrum.

Thanks for the reply.

----------


## Rater202

There are options for a no-equipment mission other than "falsely arrested with all equipment confiscated as part of the intake process" and "undercover investigation at a nudist resort."

----------


## danielxcutter

I would actually like to hear those options.

----------


## Socksy

* Achaekek is not my waifu and I should stop referring to them as such.

----------


## Wookieetank

> **May not try to add a vibrate setting to every piece of advanced technology.


***Sonic features are right out

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ***Sonic features are right out


To be fair, the Sonic Screwdriver does already have a vibrate setting.

----------


## Rater202

My last wish can't be for a ring of three wishes that recharges to full every 24 hours.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I can't change into my city destroying Kaiju Form just because I'm late for school.
** Mainly because it wouldn't help anyway.

----------


## Rater202

> * I can't change into my city destroying Kaiju Form just because I'm late for school.
> ** Mainly because it wouldn't help anyway.


Nor will transforming into my kaiju destroying city form.

...I hope that 3e alchemicals still have the option to become giant robots or living cities. I know that elder essence is being downplayed and also treated as "growing out" rather than "growing up" but being a city is cool.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Nor will transforming into my kaiju destroying city form.
> 
> ...I hope that 3e alchemicals still have the option to become giant robots or living cities. I know that elder essence is being downplayed and also treated as "growing out" rather than "growing up" but being a city is cool.


On the one hand I can see the 'so far out of the intended power scale' argument. On the other hand I hear that the author of Nobilis is working on Exalted 3e, so I can totally see it starting to come online earlier than 2e.

Maybe I'll pick up Exalted 3e after the Nobilis 4e Kickstarter lands. But I'm really getting into the Jennaverse, so Exalted is below Nobilis in my wishlist.

Like, playing as cities sounds cool af, but it also sounds wildly out of scale with other Exalted. It's one of the things that might be better off in a dedicated book (if Onyx Path didn't have a policy of 'aannounce everything, have too many projects to complete any of them').

----------


## Rater202

> On the one hand I can see the 'so far out of the intended power scale' argument. On the other hand I hear that the author of Nobilis is working on Exalted 3e, so I can totally see it starting to come online earlier than 2e.
> 
> Maybe I'll pick up Exalted 3e after the Nobilis 4e Kickstarter lands. But I'm really getting into the Jennaverse, so Exalted is below Nobilis in my wishlist.
> 
> Like, playing as cities sounds cool af, but it also sounds wildly out of scale with other Exalted. It's one of the things that might be better off in a dedicated book (if Onyx Path didn't have a policy of 'aannounce everything, have too many projects to complete any of them').


I guess.

I just kind of like the idea of the player starting as something and ending up fundamentally something else. I tried to come up with "full transhuman" options for all Exalted typesThe Exalted, in general, are transhuman, being mortals elevated to a God-Like state by having a self-sustaining shard of Elemental, Divine, Primordial, or Necrotic Power jammed directly into their souls which results in not only a spiritual evolution but their body being transformed into an image of perfection by some metric or another.  Anything becomes possible to the Exalt and as long as they keep putting in the effort they're just going to keep getting better.

So I figured "why not commit to it?" Infernals and Alchemicals are already set, and it's not to hard to adapt a more "benign" version of 2es Chimeras for Lunars(3e already has a starting point) and vague ideas for Liminals(Go from an imperfect imitation of a human to a perfect example of a human) Gettimians(You're already a living loom of fate who shouldn't exist trying to impose a reality that never was on Creation. It's not hard to see where to go for a "living glitch in the matrix") and Abyssals(Basically the opposite of Liminals, become _even more_ an undead abomination) but coming up with options for Solars and Dragonblooded was hard.

2e had a fan splat called "Gaians" whose shtick was that they were enlightened Dragonblooded who mastered all five elements and then became something else, on par with Celestials, but that kind of gives the impression that Dragonblooded are "half-formed, baby-exalts" and that's not the kind of thing I'd want to go for. And becoming full-fledged elementals would be a step-down.

And the only suggestions I ever got for solars when I shared were "solars but more" and "solar stays the same but has a fisher king effect where other people around them get better" which is a completly different mood.

Anyway back on topic:

*Just because Infernals are "primordial solars" does not mean that there are Primordial versions of the other main exalt types.
**Just because Getimians manipulate fate and were created by two Primordials doesn't make them Primordial Sidereals.
***Just because Alchemicals were created by a Primordial, have attribute charms, and a power set based on altering their bodies to solve different problems, that doesn't make them Primordial Lunars.
****There are no primordial Dragonblooded.

*Just because the Abyssals are "underworld Solars" that doesn't mean that there are underworld versions of the other main exalted types.
**Just because Liminals are weaker than celestial exalted, are essentially born with their power, and have aspects that correspond roughly to the five elements instead of castes corresponding to abilities or attributes does not make them Underworld Dragonblooded
***There are no Underworld Lunars.
****UnderworldSidereals would probably be the doom of creation.

*Neither the Demon City nor the Underworld have any counterpart of equivalent to the Exigence.
**The Wyld does not have a counterpart for *any* kind of exaltation.

...So now I'm imagining Raskshas trying to merge with mortals in an attempt to imitate the story of an Exalt only for them to pick the wrong mortal and end up a concentrated Fragment of The Wyld empowering a mortal with the power of Chaos and Narrative. Nine times out of ten it just results in a Raksha wearing a hollowed-out human as a costume so it happens relatively regularly but that one time out of ten the mortal is made of sterner stuff...

----------


## Anonymouswizard

Oh, I get it, and think it should totally stay in there, I just see the logic in saying 'intended Essence level is 1-5, this happens at 6+'. FWIW I think Internals should have kept the 'can become full Primordials' aspect.

I'm also not against complete rejection of the transhumanist state as an option, even if it means limiting your power level.

For Solars, I believe their theme is being philosopher-kings? I'd play into that, Solars begin their next stage when they formulate an ideal or theory and incorporate this into the core of their being. This cuts them off from any power not related to their philosophy, but in their presence this is how the world works. As in the laws of physics literally changed withing something like 2^Essence metres of the Solar if they'd contradict their theory 

A transcended Solar isn't a fisher-king, they're theory incarnate.

----------


## Rater202

The theme is being _God_-Kings.

What kind of God King depends on Caste: Dawns are warriors who lead from the front, Zeniths are Motivators or Spiritual Leaders, Twilights are Scientists and Sorcerers, Nights are tricksters and infiltrators, and Eclipses are diplomats and oathkeepers.

Philosophy doesn't really play into it.

Beyond that, being devoted solely to a specific concept and unable to se powers unrelated to its more of a Primarodial thing than a Solar thing... In fact, it kind of explicitly goes off-brand for Solars. Their whole shtick is human excellency taken to absurd extremes.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

At that point you've kind of cut yourself off from transcendence. Becoming a god is at best a sidestep because Exalted, and if your theme is 'human++' you just can't become something else without violating that concept. You can become bigger, a version of yourself that's just more, but you're not going to become something else.

Like, you can throw ideas at the wall all day and nothing's going to stick. At best you take one element of being human and focus on that.

----------


## Rater202

> At that point you've kind of cut yourself off from transcendence. Becoming a god is at best a sidestep because Exalted, and if your theme is 'human++' you just can't become something else without violating that concept. You can become bigger, a version of yourself that's just more, but you're not going to become something else.
> 
> Like, you can throw ideas at the wall all day and nothing's going to stick. At best you take one element of being human and focus on that.


Hence the dilemma.

*Shapeshifters do not collect identities like ten-year-olds collecting pokemon.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I may not wish for clothing to be optional.
**I may not make any wish that reduces the practicality of clothing.
*** I can wish to become a squirrel,but I must still wear trousers.

----------


## Lord Raziere

*Spoiler: Exalted things*
Show

Technically Dragon-Blooded ARE primordial. Made by Gaia, who is a Primordial. Technically they're more primordial than actual Infernals, as Infernals are just Solar Exaltations with Yozi essence put into it, and the Yozis are not technically the same beings after the Primordial War- they're lessened in ways vague and poetic. though this also means the Getimians are more primordial than Infernals as they were made before they got turned into Yozis. 

and yeah, Solars are human excellence, first, and foremost with sun powers being a minor second. philosophy, morality, stuff like that? Not a thing they do. What no Exalt does. I don't think you CAN make Solars transhuman with Solar power alone because that would go against the point of their Exaltation: their power is human power. specifically. like it or not, they cannot transcend themselves with their charms, no matter how great their power. they are already canonically the most powerful and flexible Exaltation in the setting and can already do everything an Exalt could possibly do- they don't need any greater form. sure with sorcery, a Solar can probably finagle a transhuman form of existence, probably better than most better most Exalts. but sorcery is there to specifically go outside themes. So in a way, no but also yes.

within theme transhuman Dragon-Blooded....thats more viable. a big theme of Dragon-Blooded is teamwork, and there is already a charm to link their thoughts telepathically. To extend that, a transhuman Dragon-Blooded path might be for five Dragon-Blooded to literally fuse into one like captain planet but more serious and permanent and fighting for the Realm, or become a hive-mind being with five bodies (the elemental stuff isn't as important as the teamwork thing, but I guess you can try for elemental bodies or even dragons if you want)......maybe combine the ideas into five Dragon-Blooded fusing to become a five-elemental dragon person.

yeah, the whole stealing Exaltations and infusing them with Yozi/Underworld essence seems to be Solar-only thing, because if you get the most powerful Exalts.....eh, you don't really need to steal or infuse the others. Solars are just that good to have. while OOC, it'd just be stale, uninteresting and not really contribute much to have other Exalts to be turned like that.



* There is no way I'm making Rakarys my vampire high elf mage from modded Skyrim into any other system or setting
** mostly because she is an all-powerful mage who does things like join the Dark Brotherhood and Harkon's Court while going around lethally draining mortals to gain power
*** may not have a spell to just reflect all the damage I take back at the enemy thus when the foe hits me they die instead
**** may not telekinetically pull the enemy to me in midair just to magic punch them away.
***** may not use frenzy to make enemies kill each other every time
****** The Thalmor are attacking me because I'm Dragonborn, not because they're jealous that I'm closer to achieving godhood than them. 
******* May not use spells to call down meteors to instantly end battles between armies.....where I don't care about the sides or what is being fought over.

----------


## Rater202

> *Spoiler: Exalted things*
> Show
> 
> Technically Dragon-Blooded ARE primordial. Made by Gaia, who is a Primordial. Technically they're more primordial than actual Infernals, as Infernals are just Solar Exaltations with Yozi essence put into it, and the Yozis are not technically the same beings after the Primordial War- they're lessened in ways vague and poetic. though this also means the Getimians are more primordial than Infernals as they were made before they got turned into Yozis.


*Spoiler*
Show

I thought that they were created by the Five "main" Elemental Dragons.

Who depends on the edition are either Gaia's Devas(and thus, while PArt of Gaia, are also separate entities who are _merely_) very powerful spirits, or else are just her children, and are therefore closer to the Icarnae than to a Primordial.

A primordial terrestrial would be like, if the cast-off broken pieces of the Primordials who were slain or suffered fetich death, the parts that were excised to make the Yozi, everything that made the Primordials That Were different from the Yozi and Neverborn that are ended up pooling together and then broke back apart and feel into the cycle of reincarnation so every so often someone is born with a little extra piece of soul that's made up from the scraps of the Titans That Came Before.

I would call them Titanian Exalted. Rather than imitating the Deceased Demiurges that were the origin for their power, their Charms are about channeling raw cosmic power through their works. Charms might correspond to "little gods" that reside within the Titanian's anima who are born when the Titanian achieves a certain level of skill mastery and embody the Titanian's power and drives. When a titanian swordsman channels power into his Daiklaive a brilliant Warrior Spirit manifests within the blade or a waifish Forest Nymph appearing behind a Titanian Sorceress to help her shape motes to summon a wood elemental. Alluding to both the existance of Deavas and the Primordials creating the gods to assist them or perform jobs in their place.

Aesthetically think Persona, Shaman King, Jojo, Maybe a little Bleach...





> ****** The Thalmor are attacking me because I'm Dragonborn, not because they're jealous that I'm closer to achieving godhood than them.


I'm pretty sure that those statements mean the same thing.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* If I can't fence it I'm not allowed to steal it.
** No matter how high my Larceny skill is.
*** This includes historic buildings, landmarks, and internal organs.

----------


## danielxcutter

> * If I can't fence it I'm not allowed to steal it.
> ** No matter how high my Larceny skill is.
> *** This includes historic buildings, landmarks, and internal organs.


****Fencing with swords doesn't count either.

----------


## noob

> ****Fencing with swords doesn't count either.


*****Making a fence with it does not counts either.

----------


## LecternOfJasper

*May no longer describe the guy they picked up in the ancient sealed tomb as the "horribly evil snake king."
**Not even if they started doing it first. 
***Just because it was incredibly obvious doesn't mean you have to admit it!

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> *****Making a fence with it does not counts either.


****** Fencing as an artless euphemism definitely doesn't count.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> ****** Fencing as an artless euphemism definitely doesn't count.


******* Nor does the act of creating "a barrier, railing, or other upright structure, typically of wood or wire, to enclose an area of ground to mark a boundary, control access, or prevent escape."

----------


## danielxcutter

> *May no longer describe the guy they picked up in the ancient sealed tomb as the "horribly evil snake king."
> **Not even if they started doing it first. 
> ***Just because it was incredibly obvious doesn't mean you have to admit it!


Wasnt there a 3.5e module like that? Barrow of the King or something?

----------


## Rater202

The purpose of a time machine is not to have sex with famous people from before they were famous.

----------


## danielxcutter

> The purpose of a time machine is not to have sex with famous people from before they were famous.


*That does not mean using it to have sex with people after they became famous is acceptable either.

**Its a time machine goddamnit theres got to be something more creative even for sexual purposes.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not learn time-space magic just so I can summon dinosaurs to fight for me
** May not try to solve all my problems with T-rexes. 
*** My response to my enemies speeches may not be "Screw you I'm riding a pterodactyl!" and flying away.

* My next character concept may not be "action prosecutor with a gun" 
** may not spout lines like "the prosecution...is locked and loaded."
*** May not try to actionize ace attorney character concepts
**** even if ace attorney prosecutors already act as if they're action characters with some of the things they do. 
***** trials may not consist of showdowns at high noon with the defense or the accused. 
****** Especially when all I seem to do is just be a detective who kills criminals
******* May not claim that the people I shot were "guilty as hell".

* May not obtain godlike power just so I can reset my journey and randomize the world so I can do it again but with more challenge.

* My next campaign idea may not be "Lets Destroy Warhammer 40,000". 
** May not propose that if the Doom Slayer were to fight the entire Wh40k universe, that the Doom Slayer would win.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* There are situations being a giant snake is not suitable for.
,** First dates are one of them.

----------


## Rockphed

> * There are situations being a giant snake is not suitable for.
> ,** First dates are one of them.


You have forgotten rule 34*.  Tsk. Tsk.

*If I describe my character as "having a girl in every port" I should expect some of them to be unhappy at seeing my female companions.

*There is no secret knowledge based on lice.

*I am not allowed to use my knowledge of real world electronics to shut down all the GMs attempts at technobabble.
**Real lasers might not travel as slow as arrows, but they also do not explode when they hit something.
***Aliens from the future are allowed to break science any way they want.

*I will not feed my dead comrades to the hungry monster in an attempt to tame it.

*34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

----------


## danielxcutter

I think you may have messed up the link, Rock.

Also I'm not the only one who's brain jumped to a different rule 34 right?

----------


## Rater202

My Illithid Savant cannot ea the brains of literally every monster we encounter.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> You have forgotten rule 34*.  Tsk. Tsk.


No, rule 34 is a differentkind of giant snake and activities that are perfectly acceptable on a first date.

* My character's goal is not to go on a date with every other PC.




> My Illithid Savant cannot ea the brains of literally every monster we encounter.


What's the point of being an Illithid then?

** My ordinary human can't eat the brains of literally every monster we encounter either.

----------


## Rockphed

> I think you may have messed up the link, Rock.
> 
> Also I'm not the only one who's brain jumped to a different rule 34 right?


I meant to link to the evil overlord list. I had originally just planned to quote the entry, but when I saw it was entry 34 I could not resist messing with people.

* "I'm not obsessed, I'm just observant" falls flat when I know the villain's schedule better than the gm.

----------


## TeChameleon

> * "I'm not obsessed, I'm just observant" falls flat when I know the villain's schedule better than the gm.


* Going too far the other way, so that you struggle to remember the villain even exists (both in- and out-of-character) isn't great either.

----------


## ghbok

* There is a limit to the number of ears I can give a character.

----------


## Mandark

> * There is a limit to the number of ears I can give a character.


**While there is not *YET* a limit on the number of ears I can take, I should make sure That I know where I was going with this tangent before typing it.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> The purpose of a time machine is not to have sex with famous people from before they were famous.


 Wait, it isn't?  :Small Eek:  Thanks for the tip!  

* May no longer quip "It's an ill with that blows nobody any good" after we defeat some air elementals.  :Small Yuk:

----------


## Rater202

*I can't run campaigns based on the premise of taking bad fanfiction tropes and playing them straight.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> *I can't run campaigns based on the premise of taking bad fanfiction tropes and playing them straight.


* My next campaign may not just be an isekai fic where the players wreck the canonical Naruto timeline
** or a campaign where we are all "Sues" chosen by gods of chaos to go forth and wreck established canonical universes by abusing our unfairly given powers
*** Nor may I play them so straight and deconstruct the bad fan fiction tropes following them through to their conclusions
**** May not attempt to make the "Watchmen", "NGE" or "PMMM" of bad fan fiction tropes.
***** May not get meta and make a magical girl sue character whose superpower is "warp the narrative of the universe to be about transgender lesbian autistic people". 
****** May not deny doing any of this to Exalted because "they already have Getimians".
******* If I ever include anything involving Deadpool in this I'm doing it wrong because its supposed to be BAD fanfiction.

----------


## Rater202

> * My next campaign may not just be an isekai fic where the players wreck the canonical Naruto timeline
> ** or a campaign where we are all "Sues" chosen by gods of chaos to go forth and wreck established canonical universes by abusing our unfairly given powers
> *** Nor may I play them so straight and deconstruct the bad fan fiction tropes following them through to their conclusions
> **** May not attempt to make the "Watchmen", "NGE" or "PMMM" of bad fan fiction tropes.
> ***** May not get meta and make a magical girl sue character whose superpower is "warp the narrative of the universe to be about transgender lesbian autistic people". 
> ****** May not deny doing any of this to Exalted because "they already have Getimians".
> ******* If I ever include anything involving Deadpool in this I'm doing it wrong because its supposed to be BAD fanfiction.


*Cannot do one of those stories where the protagonist has a massive harm of dozens of girls... And depict him asa complete sociopathic duchebag wh brainwashes women, meanwhile the girls are all scheming against each other with violence for the position o "master's favorite."
**Not even if the PCs are playing as psychic detectives working for the FBI specialized in breaking up cults.

*Cannot have a pack of werewolves that follow the "Alpha Male, Beta Male, Omega" policy... And depict them all as a bunch of total incels who can't function with a rival pack of werewolves that acts like actual people instead of trying to imitate an outdated study being highly successful in both the supernatural world and as civilians.
**The "Omega" can't be a fourteen-year-old orphan boy they forced to join who sets the others up to die after he gets fed up with getting the crap kicked out of him every time "Lord Alpha Doom wolf" fails to convince a random woman to come back to his sex tarp.*Spoiler: XkCD*
Show

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Terminally Ill and Immortality are not compatible.

----------


## Rater202

> * Terminally Ill and Immortality are not compatible.


I mean, if the immortality is artificially induced and the only thing keeping you alive...

...One of the characters in The Eternals, in the comics that is, is an Eternal whose role requires him to be old.

It's described as if he's constantly seconds away from dropping dead of old age.

----------


## danielxcutter

That was actually an intended punishment for John Dee in _The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel_; his Elder masters intended to remove his immortality, causing him to rapidly age, and then give it back right before he died of old age and leave him like that for eternity.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* My next campaign idea may not be "Dark Souls but in Australia"
** May not insist that the Australia part is the more terrifying part of that sentence.

* May not invent a word called "gloib" to parody the use of "chad"
**may not proclaim that "gloib" is the hot new thing that everyone is talking about and that chad is so last season
*** may not try to make "gloib" a thing. especially since gloib doesn't mean anything and is randomly used negatively
**** I am not the "gloibiest of gloibs"

* may not make a bunch of parodies of dark souls players to be the parties enemies
** the STR player may not be a heavily armored giantdad with some big weapon who is incredibly clumsy because he has no dex
*** the DEX player may not be a dual-wielding swords guy wearing no armor constantly dodge-rolling around to the point of looking like they're Sonic
**** the thief can't be someone constantly throwing daggers, firebombs and firing arrows while constantly running away from you or stabbing you with a poisoned dagger
***** the mage player may not be someone keeping out of range and trying to kill people while out of your reach
****** the cleric player may not be someone trying to lure you to a cliff so they can use a spell to push you off to fall to your death while praising the sun. 
******* nor may the cleric constantly throw lightning at you
******** the deprived player is not wearing only a loincloth and wielding a club yet also the most powerful of all of them.
********* the entire dark souls party may not be argue about which of their weapons or ways of fighting is the best while calling the others bad
********** may not all be glowing red and appear out of nowhere as if they're invading your world.

----------


## thorr-kan

*while waiting for my Kickstarter GURPS Girl Genius and my mail-order GURPS Discworld, I am to quit contemplating playing a Girl Genius social Spark aware of narrative causality in Discword; "Shut UP already, you've been harping on this since the playtest!"

----------


## Telok

* not allowed to breakfast in Baator on double decker demon bacon burgers even though the service is terrible.
** not allowed to lunch in Celestia on... whatever (the kitchens are clean but the food is bland).
*** not allowed to dine in Pandemonium on flaming chocolate cake phone books.
**** The sorcerer is no longer allowed to take Plane Shift instead of Teleport to tease the fighters about them eating uncooked trail rations, drinking muddy water, and not getting baths on the 80 mile swamp hike to the next dungeon.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> *while waiting for my Kickstarter GURPS Girl Genius and my mail-order GURPS Discworld, I am to quit contemplating playing a Girl Genius social Spark aware of narrative causality in Discword; "Shut UP already, you've been harping on this since the playtest!"


* I am not to brag about already having had my copy of GGG for weeks.

----------


## Rater202

> *while waiting for my Kickstarter GURPS Girl Genius and my mail-order GURPS Discworld, I am to quit contemplating playing a Girl Genius social Spark aware of narrative causality in Discword; "Shut UP already, you've been harping on this since the playtest!"


Unless they released an updated version, 'm pretty sure that Gurps Discworld is based on an earlier edition.

Like, it was apparently outdated when I got it back in middle school.

----------


## thorr-kan

> * I am not to brag about already having had my copy of GGG for weeks.


Oh, you're one of THOSE...(In Europa-proper, for those not paying attention.   GGG shipped from the UK.)

I have my pdf.  It is enough.  For now.




> Unless they released an updated version, 'm pretty sure that Gurps Discworld is based on an earlier edition.
> 
> Like, it was apparently outdated when I got it back in middle school.


Discworld and Discworld Also are for GURPS 3E.  But it was released again as a combined GURPS 4E version, containing both Discworld and Discworld Also updated to 4E.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * not allowed to breakfast in Baator on double decker demon bacon burgers even though the service is terrible.


 Wait a sec, they have _bacon_ in Baator?  Looks like our vacation plans need a review. 

(As an added thought, why does "Bacon in Baator" sound like the name of my next album, anyway?)

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> Wait a sec, they have _bacon_ in Baator?  Looks like our vacation plans need a review. 
> 
> (As an added thought, why does "Bacon in Baator" sound like the name of my next album, anyway?)


It's devilishly good!

----------


## Rater202

*If we are not playing scion or Exalted, I cannot play an actual divinity with worshipers.
**I cannot conduct religious ceremonies as both high priest and deity.
*** "Free Hugs" cannot be part of my religion.

*In a modern setting such as Scion or Exalted vs The World of Darkness, my divine or semi-divine status does not exempt me from paying taxes.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I may no longer refer to the market for ores in our D&D 5e campaign as the Dao Jones futures index.



> **I cannot conduct religious ceremonies as both high priest and deity.


 I don't see why not.  :Small Wink:  Most deities are very old, compared to mortals, and old folk are known to talk to themselves.  :Small Big Grin:  (Yes we are!)

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> *If we are not playing scion or Exalted, I cannot play an actual divinity with worshipers.


I don't see why not. I'm sure you could fit that into Nobilis with ease, and there's a Fate setting literally based around this.

Not to mention various superhero RPGs that this would fit into nicely.

'A god, or the next best Thing' is relatively rare for RPG characters, but there's several games that do it pretty well. You could even extend this to corebook-only In Nomine or other games where you play divine beings but not literal god's.

----------


## Bohandas

> I don't see why not. I'm sure you could fit that into Nobilis with ease, and there's a Fate setting literally based around this.
> 
> Not to mention various superhero RPGs that this would fit into nicely.


Yeah. Especially given that one of the most popular superheroes in the media these days is literally Thor

----------


## Rater202

I may have chosen poorly in my wording.

The intent was a ban on having a religion based about your character that you actively partiicpate in and benifet from.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I may have chosen poorly in my wording.
> 
> The intent was a ban on having a religion based about your character that you actively partiicpate in and benifet from.


This is abnormal? If I was a god this would be like the eighth thing on my list (after 'create enchanted forest in the middle of London').

----------


## Rater202

> This is abnormal? If I was a god this would be like the eighth thing on my list (after 'create enchanted forest in the middle of London').


...Wouldn't that kill and/or dehome a lot of people?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ...Wouldn't that kill and/or dehome a lot of people?


I'm not a savage, I'll move London outwards while doing it!

----------


## Asmotherion

* I am no longer allowed to play an enchanter, even if taunted by an other player that enchantment is the weakest school.
** Using Charm Person on my own party to have them see things my way is not the way to go.
*** I should not chain-enchant an army. 
**** I should not Dominate Monster the BBEG of the Campaign mid evil monologue.

----------


## Rater202

*In a marvel superheroes game, I can't play as a genetically engineered eternal/deviant/mutant/kree/inhuman/Asgardian hybrid with super-soldier serum.
**Especially if I just my only powers are the generic baseline abilities of such hybrid physiology.

----------


## Bohandas

> *In a marvel superheroes game, I can't play as a genetically engineered eternal/deviant/mutant/kree/inhuman/Asgardian hybrid with super-soldier serum.
> **Especially if I just my only powers are the generic baseline abilities of such hybrid physiology.


***May not leave the celestials off of the list

----------


## Rater202

> ***May not leave the celestials off of the list


I mean I don't think they have DNA. They're energy beings inhabiting physical bodies composed of highly advanced magitech. Their "blood" is cosmic fire. Their hearts are teleporters and their brains are quantum supercomputers.

----------


## Bohandas

Wasn't Star Lord the son of a Celestial?

----------


## Lord Raziere

@ Bohandas: in the movies yes, in the comics no. in the comics, Star Lord is the son of J'son, the Spartax Emperor at the time. movie Star Lord is very different from comic book Star Lord. (for one comic book star Lord has actual superpowers)

* May not send birds dual-wielding swords in their talons at the players.
** a miner with a red hot mining pick should not be this hard to fight
*** random soldiers may not just suddenly breathe fire
**** all the enemies in a room may not be randomly invisible. 
***** Summoning a jellyfish to poison my enemies is not the solution to all my problems

----------


## Rater202

> Wasn't Star Lord the son of a Celestial?


In the movie he was the son of Ego the Living Planet, who claimed to be a Celestial... But we later see more comics typical Celestials, putting that into question.

But in the comics, he's mortal.

...Eventually, he gains phenomenal cosmic power as a result of the use of his element gun, which was what his orignal creator always intended for him, but he's the son of an Earthling human and a human-like alien.

And even that's a retcon on the part of Brian Michael Bendis, who was trying to force the Comics guardians to be more like the Movie Guardians and was generally considered to be a bad thing. Before that, he was completly human.

Currently, Peter, Gamora, and Richard Rider(the original Nova) are *very* heavily implied to be a bisexual thrupple.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Currently, Peter, Gamora, and Richard Rider(the original Nova) are *very* heavily implied to be a bisexual thrupple.


I thought the term was triad?

* I cannot insist that the entire party is in a polycule.

----------


## Bohandas

> I thought the term was triad?


I think the term is menage a trois

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I think the term is menage a trois


I thought that was for engagements, not the campaign?

----------


## Rater202

A troll with three heads is not a Menage a troll.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Despite what the rulebook says I cannot be dying of:
-seemingly innocuous coughs
-rabbits
-mint sauce
-sex
-rejection
-surgery
-accidents at work
-opera

----------


## Rater202

It's been said before, but I really need to stop coming up with ways to play creepy, abnormally intelligent children with otherwordly power.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* My next campaign may not be "Escape From Athas"
** or "Escape from Warhammer 40,000"
*** or "Escape From Fallout"
**** or "Escape From Dark Souls"
***** or "Escape From Neon Genesis Evangelion"
****** may not wind up in a nexus plane where refugees from world that suck so much people rather just escape band together to go on adventures in places that suck less

* May not make Starbound into a campaign
** may not consist of space explorers from various civilizations just exploring the wild frontier which is infinite with no real central authority to oversee any of it
*** money? what money? you have a nanofabricator, you gather materials and convert them into what you need/want.
**** may not crash land them on a wild planet where they have to rebuild a ship to escape from it.

----------


## Rater202

> * My next campaign may not be "Escape From Athas"
> ** or "Escape from Warhammer 40,000"
> *** or "Escape From Fallout"
> **** or "Escape From Dark Souls"
> ***** or "Escape From Neon Genesis Evangelion"
> ****** may not wind up in a nexus plane where refugees from world that suck so much people rather just escape band together to go on adventures in places that suck less


*Escape from reality is right out.

----------


## Rockphed

> *Escape from reality is right out.


** You cannot play a poor boy from a poor family.
*** There are devils set aside for you.  You cannot summon them and command them during a fight.
**** Dwarvish is not Italian.

----------


## Eldan

*It is in fact not real life, it _is_ a fantasy
**If you are caught in a landslide, roll a reflex save. 
***Wind direction does not matter, but you still have a -4 to hit with ranged attacks.

----------


## DeTess

*I may not derail the game right at the very start by asking everyone what their favorite new Pokemon starter is.
**The answer is obviously Fuecoco, we didn't need half an hour of discussion on this topic.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> *I may not derail the game right at the very start by asking everyone what their favorite new Pokemon starter is.
> **The answer is obviously Fuecoco, we didn't need half an hour of discussion on this topic.


*** May not reply with "No its Sprigatito you-" followed by a hour of sailor level cursing and insults for no reason
**** May not extend an olive branch to Fuecoco lovers by saying at least neither of us like the duck, that one just looks silly
***** May not follow this up with two hours of denying that anyone could actually like the duck

----------


## Rockphed

> *** May not reply with "No its Sprigatito you-" followed by a hour of sailor level cursing and insults for no reason
> **** May not extend an olive branch to Fuecoco lovers by saying at least neither of us like the duck, that one just looks silly
> ***** May not follow this up with two hours of denying that anyone could actually like the duck


Normally I ignore anything about the pokie-mans, but memory tells me that there were at least 2 duck things in the first generation. Referring nebulously to "the duck" has too many possible antecedents for clarity.

* Ridiculously overwrought names do not make you less villainous.
** If I cannot say my entire name without taking a breath I need to provide a shorter version for everyday use.
***Names that summon elder evils are right out.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> * Ridiculously overwrought names do not make you less villainous.
> ** If I cannot say my entire name without taking a breath I need to provide a shorter version for everyday use.


*** am not allowed to name a villain "Llanfairpwll'gwyngyllgogerychwyrndrob'wllllantysi  liogogogoch"[1]. Especially if I can't even begin to pronounce it myself.

[1] fantasy apostrophes added for effect.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> Normally I ignore anything about the pokie-mans, but memory tells me that there were at least 2 duck things in the first generation. Referring nebulously to "the duck" has too many possible antecedents for clarity.
> .


I couldn't remember Quaxley's name and didn't bother to look it up so to reiterate:

***** May not follow this up with two hours of denying that anyone could actually like Quaxley
****** May not forget the name of Quaxley and thus confuse someone who is so non-pokemon fan they use the memey "pokie-mans" pronunciation
******* even if its a new pokemon that isn't even out yet, and isn't one I particularly like.

----------


## Rater202

Spider-Powers are not for cheating in dance competitions.

----------


## TeChameleon

> Spider-Powers are not for cheating in dance competitions.


Of course not, they're for cheating at wrestling!

...

*looks up new starters*

...

It's a duck in a hat!  *WANT*.

Vaguely on-topic-

* My Aarakocra Monk cannot try to look cute and harmless (feathery, mostly brilliant red, barely five feet and built like a skinny 10-year-old human with wings?) immediately after beating an enormous golem to death with his bare hands.
** Not allowed to accuse the DM of railroading and then do something (with no objections on his part and no attempts to stop us) that he has no plans for, never anticipated us doing, and is still kind of baffled by (he was anticipating us either exploring a tower dungeon further in one of two directions, using the teleporter that was all-but-labelled 'plot this way', or ducking out into an enemy-held town to find more info, not just sort of ****ing off into the desert...)

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> *** am not allowed to name a villain "Llanfairpwll'gwyngyllgogerychwyrndrob'wllllantysi  liogogogoch"[1]. Especially if I can't even begin to pronounce it myself.
> 
> [1] fantasy apostrophes added for effect.


 Isn't that a town in Wales? Played with a fellow playgrounder a few weeks back who linked me to a recording of someone saying it. This makes me wonder: are (Tolkien) Ents Welsh, an should I role play treants that way?   :Small Confused: 

* As DM, I may no longer stack glyphs of warding. (I stacked blindness (DC 16) and major image - the image was of an adult amethyst dragon).  

** May not respond to a player asking "Why would you stack blindness on top of an illusion?" by saying "Alien minds don't think as you do; you might consider them mad if you could read their minds, or you might simply go mad yourself"

----------


## Telok

> ** May not respond to a player asking "Why would you stack blindness on top of an illusion?" by saying "Alien minds don't think as you do; you might consider them mad if you could read their minds, or you might simply go mad yourself"


That reminds me, some day I should get around to finishing the orange/blue morality & laws mad-libs thing I started.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> Isn't that a town in Wales? Played with a fellow playgrounder a few weeks back who linked me to a recording of someone saying it. This makes me wonder: are (Tolkien) Ents Welsh, an should I role play treants that way?


Yes. And that playgrounder was _me_, because I used it as an example of what a storybook evil elven[1] wizard villain (it made some sort of sense in context) would be named. Overly-long, pompous, unpronounceable (unless you're Welsh), with a bunch of fantasy apostrophes.

[1] my high elf language is based on Welsh, just like the wood elf language is based on Finnish.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> Yes. And that playgrounder was _me_, because I used it as an example of what a storybook evil elven[1] wizard villain (it made some sort of sense in context) would be named.


 Well soak my beans and call me Frijole - my brain had mixed that up with a recent session with Dork_Forge (also on Discorde) due to the Wales connection in a previous communication I had with him. 

 :Small Eek:  Sorry.   :Small Eek: 




> [1] my high elf language is based on Welsh, just like the wood elf language is based on Finnish.


 Similar to but different from Prof T, I suppose. 
Hmm, maybe someday there will be an elf/dwarf/gnome language based on Hungarian ...

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> Well soak my beans and call me Frijole - my brain had mixed that up with a recent session with Dork_Forge (also on Discorde) due to the Wales connection in a previous communication I had with him. 
> 
>  Sorry.  
> 
>  Similar to but different from Prof T, I suppose. 
> Hmm, maybe someday there will be an elf/dwarf/gnome language based on Hungarian ...


Not a problem. But yes, it was pointed out to me much later the connection to Tolkien. I haven't actually conlanged them, just use sounds and (hacked-together) words translated into those languages.

----------


## Reltzik

* No longer allowed to invest enough ranks, feats, and magical bonuses in my Bluff skill that I need roll only a 2 or higher to convince the captain and officers of a Royal Navy anti-piracy schooner that this mess was a "perfectly legal proactive salvage operation".

... I'll leave it to your imaginations what "this mess" was.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

I may no longer cross talk (with the mic still on) when telling my wife "Yes, I am going to eat that."*Spoiler: why I said that*
Show

 (She was gesturing to a second serving of saffron rice from the local Lebanese bistro)
 when the cleric happens to pick up the recently deceased piercer and asks "What are we going to do with this?"
(Game on discord, text/chat)

----------


## BisectedBrioche

* Yes, I said there's an opportunity to change up your subclass coming up, no you can't make it that homebrew Magical Girl rogue subclass!

----------


## DeTess

> * Yes, I said there's an opportunity to change up your subclass coming up, no you can't make it that homebrew Magical Girl rogue subclass!


**I should not mention a magical girl rogue subclass without some link for others to peruse
***pretty please?

----------


## RedMage125

> * Yes, I said there's an opportunity to change up your subclass coming up, no you can't make it that homebrew Magical Girl rogue subclass!


OBJECTION! "Magical Girl" is _clearly_ a subclass of Warlock. :Small Wink: 

*I may not use my Criminal Contact background feature to bypass taxes and utterly de-stabilize the local economy with my fae-recipe Moonwine (actual thing that happened).

----------


## Rater202

*I cannot play a skimpily dressed bard/monk specilizing in dance who takes offense at being called a stripper becuase there's noting sexual about her state of ress or the way she dances in her native culture.

----------


## Socksy

> ...Overly-long, pompous, unpronounceable (unless you're Welsh), with a bunch of fantasy apostrophes.


We call it Llanfairpwll locally. Nobody refers to it by its silly overly long name, although it's pretty cool.

----------


## danielxcutter

> OBJECTION! "Magical Girl" is _clearly_ a subclass of Warlock.
> 
> *I may not use my Criminal Contact background feature to bypass taxes and utterly de-stabilize the local economy with my fae-recipe Moonwine (actual thing that happened).


Well Warlock patrons arent _always_ asswipes.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> *I cannot play a skimpily dressed bard/monk specilizing in dance who takes offense at being called a stripper becuase there's noting sexual about her state of ress or the way she dances in her native culture.


I see nothing wrong with any of this.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not play a Moogle Blue Mage Mime who just wants to be a hero
** their efforts may not consist of imitating her favorite heroes from the stories she heard
*** may not deep down feel like she is nothing but a fake who imitates others trying to be more than she is.
**** Said heroes may not include anime martial artists, gun-toting eighties heroes, acting like Cloud or Squall, or any protagonist from a Tales Of game

----------


## Rater202

My character can't be a floating box with a lid and every time I make an action and a different person climbs halfway out to preform the action before immediately bing pulled back in by someone else

----------


## Rockphed

Proclamations of my not-evil bonafides with very specific denials are unlikely to get the heroes on my side.
* the more energy I put into claiming to be evil, the less they will believe me.
** The more energy I put into claiming to be evil, the more the heroes will believe me.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* my character concept may not be "bandit who observed that the adventuring business is more profitable and socially acceptable yet oddly not that different from banditry"
** may not speak in a cockney accent constantly going "mate"
*** I am not the pirate of the land, and I do not wield a crossbow in one hand and a scimitar in the other.
****  May not look down on murderhobos because they're amateurs, insist that I'm a professional and criticize them on their murdering and robbering. 
***** may not have score cards for muggings. 
****** May not have lost most of the cards so that the only scores I can give are "2", "4" or "7"

----------


## Bohandas

> ** may not speak in a cockney accent constantly going "mate"


But wasn't that the main premise of Planescape?

----------


## Lord Raziere

> But wasn't that the main premise of Planescape?


* mate I never played planescape, mate.
** may not point out that, like mate this is a very common accent in fantasy mate, particularly in the british kind of fantasy y'know?
*** like mate, its just given to any low class mate you see, mate. 
**** may not tell those who insist its planescape "off ye in the cobber, I don't see Siggles brand on me voice".

----------


## Rater202

At no point is the phrase "okay, I think I can get us into the castle, but I'm gonna thirty feet of copper wire, twelve heads of iceberg lettuce, and a gender-neutral komodo dragon fursuit" to pass my lips.

----------


## Eldan

> Normally I ignore anything about the pokie-mans, but memory tells me that there were at least 2 duck things in the first generation. Referring nebulously to "the duck" has too many possible antecedents for clarity.
> 
> * Ridiculously overwrought names do not make you less villainous.
> ** If I cannot say my entire name without taking a breath I need to provide a shorter version for everyday use.
> ***Names that summon elder evils are right out.


How did you know about my bard, Sir Candle Jack Hastur Hastur Hastur Sluagh Hades Pazuzu Pazuzu Pazuzu Slaanesh Asmodeus I Didn't Expect The Spanish Inquisition the Third?

----------


## Rockphed

> How did you know about my bard, Sir Candle Jack Hastur Hastur Hastur Sluagh Hades Pazuzu Pazuzu Pazuzu Slaanesh Asmodeus I Didn't Expect The Spanish Inquisition the Third?


I was referencing Secret.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> I was referencing Secret.


KoC reference! nice, you have taste.

* My Eclipse Caste may not just be a salesman who finds random junk then gives the greatest sales pitch for it you ever heard. 
** May not literally sell sand to a southerner in a desert.
*** Or seawater to a westerner, snow to a northerner or leaves to an easterner
**** I may in fact just be a scammer and exactly what the Immaculate Order warned people about.
***** may not use fix this by using sorcery to make a bag of sand actually be a lucky charm, or a random bone actually ward off fae. 
****** May not save the other solars by convincing the Wyld Hunt I knew where the anathema went and will tell them in exchange for buying one of my fine wares, then point them in the wrong way.

----------


## danielxcutter

I considered reading that comic until I learned it was discontinued because of the author's health. Sad.

----------


## Rater202

*My backstory can't be "tricked the bad guys into paying for my power enhancements and training no strings attached and then screwed them over royally when all was said and done."
**Cannot have a reputation for tricking villains into helping me defeat them that everyone keeps falling for despite knowing that it's a thing I do.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> *My backstory can't be "tricked the bad guys into paying for my power enhancements and training no strings attached and then screwed them over royally when all was said and done."
> **Cannot have a reputation for tricking villains into helping me defeat them that everyone keeps falling for despite knowing that it's a thing I do.


*** my purpose in life may not be figuring out ways to humiliate evil people and seeing their villainous breakdowns through convoluted plans. 
**** may not do this just because I'm so good at martial arts that I became bored with beating people normally
***** my pipe is not actually a magic wand that does anything I want it to.
****** If I keep meeting villains that can shrug off a plan failing instead of breaking down, I have only myself to blame.

----------


## Rater202

*If I really want to, I can be a Gem.
**I cannot, however, be Grey Lonsdaleite.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* There are genres where psychics are not acceptable PCs.

----------


## Telwar

> *My backstory can't be "tricked the bad guys into paying for my power enhancements and training no strings attached and then screwed them over royally when all was said and done."


NGL, one of my Shadowrun character ideas is almost exactly that.  And he had the Enemy (University of Georgia Athletic Boosters) to help pay for it!

* Not allowed to let my character's backstory be that he was built to be a ringer for the local university football team, only to be disqualified not because of the massive quantities of delta-grade bioware that are all but undetectable, but that he tests positive for being an adept.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> NGL, one of my Shadowrun character ideas is almost exactly that.  And he had the Enemy (University of Georgia Athletic Boosters) to help pay for it!


It also sounds roughly like the origin of Kamen Rider Stronger.

* If none of the other players have seen it it cannot be the primary reference for my character.

----------


## Rockphed

> It also sounds roughly like the origin of Kamen Rider Stronger.
> 
> * If none of the other players have seen it it cannot be the primary reference for my character.


** If it has not been published yet, it cannot be the primary reference for my character.
*** I cannot base characters on an (as yet unused) outline I stole from an author.

* I cannot increase my magical power by carrying around a non-magical rat and claiming it is my familiar.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> * I cannot increase my magical power by carrying around a non-magical rat and claiming it is my familiar.


** Especially if I'm a rat.
*** Carting around a very confused human won't help either.
**** My Blue Rose privileges are revoked until further notice.

*Spoiler: For those who don't know*
Show

One of the major character races in Blue Rose is intelligent psychic animals, and them being dedicated casters is a pretty standard build because of the distinct lack of hands. Rats are one of the options, and unlike the core rulebook's cats are actually rat sized.

Oh sure, you could play a rhy-ape, but that's missing out on half the fun.

And yes, they can have familiars of normal PC races.

----------


## Telok

* Not allowed to bring over from the DtD game a Malkavian mindflayer space marine cyber-doc with the flaw "day job: owns Bob's Budget Brain Bending shop" and full ranks in the Fame background, into a DnD game. Apparently the difference between the "the" and the "and" is important somehow.

** Not then allowed to taunt the barbarian about his lack of awesome because he can't punch out a 30m tall mecha or make 15m jumps.

----------


## Rockphed

The orphan background does not grant protection from plot.
* Buying the "wings" mutation without the flight ability does not make me sephiroth.
** I should not spend more time mourning the character who died before he got a name than he spent being played.

----------


## DCraw

*"Testiculum Aries Attigit" is not acceptable as a motto
** Nor as standard practice

----------


## Socksy

> * There are genres where psychics are not acceptable PCs.


Really? Which ones?  :Small Confused:  :Small Big Grin: 

* If one of us is a Red Mantis Assassin, everyone will want to be a Red Mantis Assassin.
** I can't substitute a Divine Curse for an Oracle Curse.
*** Especially if we're all Red Mantis Assassins.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Really? Which ones?


Fantasy, apparently.

----------


## danielxcutter

> *"Testiculum Aries Attigit" is not acceptable as a motto
> ** Nor as standard practice


Do I want to know what this means?




> Fantasy, apparently.


I mean D&D literally has mind flayers...

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> Do I want to know what this means?


 Something like *Spoiler: Odd Latin likely missing some nuance*
Show

"the battering ram has touched the testicles"

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I mean D&D literally has mind flayers...


And some people still don't think I should be able to play a telepath.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't play a psychic in realistic games, but they are incredibly rare IME. And I'm not certain it's appropriate in something like Nobilis (Exalted on the other hand...). But yeah otherwise I prefer me psychics to me wizards.

----------


## DCraw

> Something like *Spoiler: Odd Latin likely missing some nuance*
> Show
> 
> "the battering ram has touched the testicles"


That translation is pretty accurate (though my Latin is pretty bad). For context, Roman armies had a policy that they would accept the surrender of a besieged town up until the point where they were forced to attack - after which all bets were off. This gave us the phrase Murum Aries Attigit ("the Ram has touched the Walls").

I had a character who came across a Ring of the Ram and decided to implement a similar policy on a personal level with the motto Testiculum Aries Attigit ("the Ram has touched the Balls").

----------


## Rater202

I cannot give Commander Shepard an umbras cube.

----------


## Eldan

> I cannot give Commander Shepard an umbras cube.


Hah. That reminds me of one that just recently happened to me:

*Can not call every intimidate check a "Renegade Interrupt".

----------


## Lord Raziere

> I cannot give Commander Shepard an umbras cube.


** Mostly because she'd just absorb asari biology and have children with every alien species that she romances

* May not be a precursor who wakes up in the current day of the fantasy setting
** may not complain about the lack of magical internet
*** may not have a wand-gun
**** may count as a wizard just because I'm from a different time period with higher tech. 
***** may not consider my spells conveniences and such that everyone has forgotten
****** May not consider the greatest things elves ever created as low tech.

----------


## Rater202

> ** Mostly because she'd just absorb asari biology and have children with every alien species that she romances


Was thinking more about how it's an outside context problem of, at a bare minimum, universe-shaking power, but that is also a valid reason.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* My next campaign idea may not be "Dresden Punk" using the Dresden Files Rpg but in a cyberpunk world set after the events of the "Empty Night" that Harry foils but disappears in the process of doing so.
** May not replace the Red Court with a Steel Court of vampires that are basically demons from the Nevernever merging with people to become cybernetic-parasites, whose abbreviation is "Stampires"
***may not make the supernatural well known and common knowledge in this world and thus everything becoming worse because instead of taking up arms people have mostly accepted the existence of these monsters in their lives complete with corporations trying to commoditize magic
**** the White court may not control social media with their pale beauty.
***** may not make the punk aspect being that your some of the few people actually trying to fight back against what society has become with the Paranet.

----------


## dspeyer

* My backstory should not cause angels to suffer mental breakdowns as they try to cope with the theological implications.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

I may no longer fall asleep between encounters. 
*Spoiler: There was no spell cast*
Show

VTT: Yes, I missed the battle with the Choldriths...whoops!

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> * My backstory should not cause angels to suffer mental breakdowns as they try to cope with the theological implications.


Maybe it's just because I'm currently reading through Glitch, but my first thought was 'Excrusian'. Mainly because I'm fairly certain they did that when they first showed up.

I could see one working in a D&D game though. Replace the Far Realm with Ninuan, play one of the ex-human(/cat/fox/lampshade) ones, and watch most outsiders try to wrap their heads around the mechanics of Not-things. You'd probably run it as some kind of Sorcerer or Warlock instead of trying to transfer actual mechanics.

Actually, I like the idea of writing up a Void patron.

* If my objection is that the BBEG is not trying to destroy enough of reality I'm probably not LG.

----------


## Telok

* Not allowed to combine twin las cannon, zen archery, and buttock enhancement surgery into one character in other people's games.

----------


## Rater202

*No one is going to find a cocktail consisting of eight oz of cranberry juice, eight oz of 7Up, two tablespoons of (real)grenadine, a quarter shot of gin appetizing.

----------


## Rockphed

> *No one is going to find a cocktail consisting of eight oz of cranberry juice, eight oz of 7Up, two tablespoons of (real)grenadine, a quarter shot of gin appetizing.


Except for grenadine and gin, that sounds drinkable. Gin is, as I understand, tasteless. Is grenadine that disgusting?

----------


## Rater202

> Except for grenadine and gin, that sounds drinkable. Gin is, as I understand, tasteless. Is grenadine that disgusting?


No. Grenadine has a sweet, tangy, fruity profile(real grenadine is made mostly of pomegranate juice)

The problem is that cranberry juice, even when sweetened, is very sour and mixing it with a lemon-lime soda and grenadine isn't going to cut down on that much, even if it makes it sweeter and with a quarter of a shot of gin there's gonna be very little alcohol in it.

You're basically drinking sour sugar for no payoff.

Admittedly, saying that no one would find it appetizing is an exaggeration

----------


## danielxcutter

Sounds like you might get something with some adjustments to the mixture though?

----------


## DrewID

> * Not allowed to combine twin las cannon, zen archery, and buttock enhancement surgery into one character in other people's games.


I want to know, but I don't want to know.

Tax:
* I am not allowed to play ANOTHER bard.  In a Classic Traveller "Mercenary Unit" campaign.

DrewID

----------


## Rater202

In a game based on Fate/, I cannot play an expertly created homunculus who was painstakingly crafted, trained, conditioned, and educated to be the perfect vessel for one specific servant in order to tap their abilities to a degree far beyond what they'd normally be capable of.

----------


## Rockphed

* I cannot take profession (slave)
** I cannot add points to profession (slave driver) on a lawful good character.

----------


## danielxcutter

> * I cannot take profession (slave)
> ** I cannot add points to profession (slave driver) on a lawful good character.


I mean, if you decided to no longer be one in your backstory...

----------


## Telok

> I want to know, but I don't want to know.


Dungeons the Dragoning 40k 7e, an unholy monstrosity of a game animated by bile & parody from the mutilated corpses of half a dozen other games. Of course its perfectly playable & works alright with a decent DM.

* I should not start my character with full ranks of Fame(mass murdering genocidal war criminal). That's something to pick up in play.

----------


## Bohandas

*The verbal component for the spell is not "Fakeus Latinus"
**Or "Igpay Antilay"
***"Lingua Mortua" is acceptable, but only for _Power Word Kill_

----------


## RedMage125

> *The verbal component for the spell is not "Fakeus Latinus"
> **Or "Igpay Antilay"
> ***"Lingua Mortua" is acceptable, but only for _Power Word Kill_


In the same vein...
*the verbal component for the spell _Silence_ is not "STFU".
**the verbal component for _Charm Person_ is not (Joey from Friends imitation) "How YOU doin'?".
***the verbal component for _Sleep_ is not any form of lullaby.
****the verbal component for _Raise Dead_ shall not, under any circumstances, be a Frankenstein impersonation.

----------


## Telok

It took months...

* Despite over 30 years of tradition, taking a phrase, moving some spaces, and using it as a character name, is now no longer allowed.

** Gorge Oushun Nkameat, Toose Eksyforth Isparty, and Iamadu Fusg Uber are off the table.

----------


## Bohandas

> ***the verbal component for _Sleep_ is not any form of lullaby.


****and definitely not _Enter Sandman_

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I am allowed to make Sparky inventions that don't double as kettles.
** Including ones where it's not the primary purpose.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I may no longer sing/perform MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This", and narrate that I dance when I Dodge {action} while a ghast tries to attack me. 

** I may no longer shout out "Hammer Time" when the cleric subsequently finishes off the ghast with a blow from his warhammer on his next turn.  
*Spoiler: why I can't do this*
Show

 The reason I can't do this anymore is that neither of the other two players were born when that song came out.

----------


## thorr-kan

> * I may no longer sing/perform MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This", and narrate that I dance when I Dodge {action} while a ghast tries to attack me. 
> 
> ** I may no longer shout out "Hammer Time" when the cleric subsequently finishes off the ghast with a blow from his warhammer on his next turn.  
> *Spoiler: why I can't do this*
> Show
> 
>  The reason I can't do this anymore is that neither of the other two players were born when that song came out.


That's a Them Problem, not a U Problem, mate.  Keep it real, and educate them on what fun music is.   :Small Cool:

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> That's a Them Problem, not a U Problem, mate.  Keep it real, and educate them on what fun music is.


 A problem with doing a funny thing that relies on a cultural reference, but the audience has no grounding in the reference, is that I might find it funny, but the joke/attempted jest, won't land.

And yes, I cracked myself up.   :Small Smile:

----------


## Rockphed

> In the same vein...
> ***the verbal component for _Sleep_ is not any form of lullaby.


Lullabies are obviously the verbal components of fear causing spells, not sleep spells.

----------


## thorr-kan

> A problem with doing a funny thing that relies on a cultural reference, but the audience has no grounding in the reference, is that I might find it funny, but the joke/attempted jest, won't land.
> 
> And yes, I cracked myself up.


Still a Them Problem.  :)

*Not allowed to make my half-orc wrasslin' bard the most efficient melee-fighter AND an efficient spellcaster AND politest member of the party.

But dang, he was fun to play.

----------


## Socksy

* If the Kobold Barbarian is consistently rolling the highest on Recall Knowledge checks, and he has a +0 modifier, the entire party needs to be rebuilt.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Flesh shaping magic can be used for things other than changing sex on a whim.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> * Flesh shaping magic can be used for things other than changing sex on a whim.


** may not be confused as to why you would use it again after turning female.

* when called an edgelord, my response may be "well of course I am, I wield a lot of cool swords!"
** when people say they want to stay away from the edginess may not reply "well of course, you don't want to be near cliffs"
*** May not a dark black-clothed being with dark powers and be completely incapable of understanding or knowing what an edgelord is and misunderstand it every time no matter how many times others explain it to me.
**** may not be confused as to why people keep calling me a cliff-leader. 
***** clearly I'm the Queen Of All Precipices, a much more fitting title.

* may not counter someone being chosen by the sun with me being chosen by a supermassive black hole
** May not fight their sun power with gravity and darkness powers

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ** may not be confused as to why you would use it again after turning female.


Because sometimes it's useful to look like a different lady  :Small Wink: 




> ***** clearly I'm the Queen Of All Precipices, a much more fitting title.


I might steal that title for a deity in a fantasy game.

----------


## thorr-kan

> * If the Kobold Barbarian is consistently rolling the highest on Recall Knowledge checks, and he has a +0 modifier, the entire party needs to be rebuilt.


Maybe.

Or maybe their dice need to be...chastened.  Pour encourager les autres, of course.

----------


## noob

> ** may not be confused as to why you would use it again after turning female.
> 
> * when called an edgelord, my response may be "well of course I am, I wield a lot of cool swords!"
> ** when people say they want to stay away from the edginess may not reply "well of course, you don't want to be near cliffs"
> *** May not a dark black-clothed being with dark powers and be completely incapable of understanding or knowing what an edgelord is and misunderstand it every time no matter how many times others explain it to me.
> **** may not be confused as to why people keep calling me a cliff-leader. 
> ***** clearly I'm the Queen Of All Precipices, a much more fitting title.
> 
> * may not counter someone being chosen by the sun with me being chosen by a supermassive black hole
> ** May not fight their sun power with gravity and darkness powers


******may not assume both series of "may no longer do" are related by a word game about being dense.

----------


## Telok

* Not allowed to panic the DM by asking NPCs what is further down the road that continues on past our current objective.

** Not allowed to combo mass invisibility, lots and lots of paralytic contact poison, temporary poison immunity, plus dirty laundry, just to steamroll a dungeon full of mind flayers.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* The power to make anything more like a kettle is banned.
** Especially if I insist on making my standard combat move 'pour water into enemy's mouth, activate power'.

----------


## Rater202

Pants are not for weaklings.

----------


## Rockphed

> Pants are not for weaklings.


What are you talking about?  Real men wear kilts!

** I am forbidden to dress my character below the waist in anything that does not translate to "Pantaloons".  
*** My character's motivation cannot be to find the key that will remove their pants.
**** Turning into a mountain of living flame will still not remove my pants.
***** My new motivation cannot be to discover the magic behind my pants.


* I am not allowed to play bagpipe music "for ambiance".
** I am definitely not allowed to play the bagpipes during a session "to get into character".
*** I am not allowed to equip my bard with bagpipes.

----------


## RedMage125

> *** I am not allowed to equip my bard with bagpipes.


Awww...my very first 5e character was a dragonborn Valor Bard.  He used a hunting horn for his instrument that he cast spells with in combat (low note for Sleep, sharp blast for Thunderwave), but his out-of-combat musical instrument of choice was bagpipes.

Something about a 6'7" dragon-man playing bagpipes struck my fellow players as hilarious, for some reason.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> ... dragonborn Valor Bard.  He used a hunting horn for his instrument that he cast spells with in combat (low note for Sleep, sharp blast for Thunderwave), but his out-of-combat musical instrument of choice was bagpipes.
> 
> Something about a 6'7" dragon-man playing bagpipes struck my fellow players as hilarious, for some reason.


 I may not respec my current character to be a bard like this. (Because I played a bard in the last campaign, and I promised not to bard this one).

----------


## TeChameleon

* No longer allowed to forget prisoners in a giant cloud of mutagenic gas
** Especially since we hadn't gotten around to questioning them yet.
*** Not allowed to be surprised when they end up a) looking like something from the Far Realms and b) somewhat unhappy with us (whee, tentacles).

* Trivializing yet another boss encounter with Stunning Strike is allowed, albeit just barely.
** Calling it the 'boss off-switch' is, perhaps, pushing it.

----------


## Telok

> * No longer allowed to forget prisoners in a giant cloud of mutagenic gas
> ** Especially since we hadn't gotten around to questioning them yet.


Pfft. Its not like you buried them in a shipping container with a week of supplies and then forgot about them for a month...

Having checked:
* Not allowed to give the "is it a my little pony name or an adult film star name" quiz when minors are in the room.

----------


## BisectedBrioche

> **I should not mention a magical girl rogue subclass without some link for others to peruse
> ***pretty please?


Sorry, I missed this reply. I dug up the link: Here

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not challenge people to say "hirkubupalupagus" five times fast

* May not attempt to blatantly make characters from other rpg settings in DnD because I can't find groups for them
** My rogue/monk/warlock is not an Infernal Exalted, also this is not gestalt
*** My Wizard is not a Free Council Acanthus mage from WoD
**** my kensei monk is not a jedi and they do not have a sword enhanced with magic to be a lightsaber
***** may not try to make Havel the Rock from Dark souls by blatantly giving them armor and a shield with an AC of "Yes"
****** may not try to sneak in a Death Knight from WoW....no, I don't mean an Oath of whatever paladin, a literal custom death knight wow class for dnd 5e
******* My cleric cannot worship a self-created Nobilis whose Estate is "Secrets Revealed"
******** my genie warlock may not be a dragon-blooded exalted who is confused why his exalted powers are working differently.

* may not attempt to blatantly crossover DnD with any other ttrpg while in game
** especially while I'm not the GM
*** my secret is not that I am not actually a Red/Blue mana planeswalker

* if its from Elden Ring, its not allowed
** my rogue may not have weapons to inflict bleed on people
*** especially if its dual-wielding red katanas
**** may not have a crossbow that shoots three bolts at a time
***** my wizard may not have a sword whose damage bonus come from Int instead of Strength
****** or cast a spell that creates a magic sword of force to attack in melee.....and has reach

----------


## Bohandas

*Just because the politician offered us his thoughts and prayers does not mean he's secretly a powerful psion/cleric

*The verbal component for _water elemental swarm_ is not "piso mojado"
**nor is it the verbal component for the _grease_ spell

----------


## Rater202

*The Holy Grail War is not an excuse to get piano lessons from Mozart.

----------


## Eldan

> *The Holy Grail War is not an excuse to get piano lessons from Mozart.


Look, magical duels are fun and all, but if I could summon anyone from history, I'd sure as hell not use that power for that.

----------


## Telok

* So not allowed character to to be under a curse that makes nobody ever believe me when I tell the truth.

"I am not a minor noble of the house of Foo-bob and you must not let me in."
"That's a good disguise but you're early for the masquerade ball. If you go right and down the hall there's a library you can wait in."

----------


## Bohandas

*The _contagion_ spell can only cause the diseases listed in the spell descriptions. It cannot be used to give people incontinence, irritable bowel syndrome, ED, or the clap.

----------


## RedMage125

> *The _contagion_ spell can only cause the diseases listed in the spell descriptions. It cannot be used to give people incontinence, irritable bowel syndrome, ED, or the clap.


There's a story here. And I feel like it's a good one.

----------


## Bohandas

*Baator's generals are the "Dark Eight" not the "Fell Eight"

----------


## danielxcutter

> *Baator's generals are the "Dark Eight" not the "Fell Eight"


Am I missing a reference?

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> Am I missing a reference?


*Spoiler: guess*
Show


Probably riffing on "********", aka X on male oral sexual activity

----------


## Pauly

> *Baator's generals are the "Dark Eight" not the "Fell Eight"


** May not play an escaped slave whose previous owner was Señor Bates.
*** May not name said character Harry Palmer.

----------


## Rater202

My Stand cannot be "Electric Love" or "Naked Mole Rap"

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I can not take the Microbiology skill if I've invested points in Spark.

----------


## Rater202

"What if the Cobra Unit was the Ginyu Force?" is not a question that ever needed answering.

----------


## Bohandas

*May not describe the Bene Geserrit as "a cult of drugged out crypto-**** prostitutes" 
**Even though it all fits if you've read the book

----------


## Telok

> *May not describe the Bene Geserrit as "a cult of drugged out crypto-**** prostitutes" 
> **Even though it all fits if you've read the book


No, thats pretty much spot on. Might add 'that mostly just screws around with politicians'.

* My next supers character cannot be an up-sized radioactive time-clone of William the Conquerer. Because "Big O'l Hot Willy" has not been an appropriate superhero name since junior high.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

* My players aren't allowed to give me reasons to start mucking around with time, time-travel, and alternate timelines, especially not with weird aberrations, fiends, and dragons involved (things get too messy).
** Playing a time wizard, a boy with a dragon, a chaos-spawned aberration/mutant, and a paladin dedicated to eradicating fiends counts as giving me reasons.
*** Not allowed to post :popcorn: emoji in chat while they're panicking about possible butterfly effects. Especially because I know that it's WAY too late for that.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * My players aren't allowed to give me reasons to start mucking around with time, time-travel, and alternate timelines, especially not with weird aberrations, fiends, and dragons involved (things get too messy).
> ** Playing a time wizard, a boy with a dragon, a chaos-spawned aberration/mutant, and a paladin dedicated to eradicating fiends counts as giving me reasons.
> *** Not allowed to post :popcorn: emoji in chat while they're panicking about possible butterfly effects. Especially because I know that it's WAY too late for that.


They agonize and worry too much. 
* Am so allowed to remind them to _engage with the content
_  :Small Tongue: 
** Not allowed to secretly encourage the DM to keep it up with the :popcorn: emoji move, as it amuses me perhaps a little too much.

----------


## Socksy

* DCs above 15 are not illegal in Breachill
** Nor are they against my religion

----------


## Jervis

* I am not allowed to life drain every creature in a 621 mile radius to gain arbitrary HP anymore. Unless its funny

----------


## Lord Torath

> * I am not allowed to life drain every creature in a 621 mile radius to gain arbitrary HP anymore. Unless its funny


** What do you mean?  Of _course_ it's always funny!

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> ** What do you mean?  Of _course_ it's always funny!


 Or, if it's Dark Sun, it's Tuesday.  :Small Cool:

----------


## Rater202

> *The Holy Grail War is not an excuse to get piano lessons from Mozart.


*It's also not an opportunity to stage a production of _The Phantom of Th eOpera_ starring the actual Phantom.
**No, seriously, do you have any idea how terrible an idea that is?

----------


## Rockphed

* The hypothetical love-child between Smeagol, Danny Ocean, Indiana Jones, and a gold-standard obsessed politician is not Midas.
** Nor does he get any bonuses to sensing gold or other treasure.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not make a setting called "Friendpunk"
** the world is not ruled by jerks who utilize the power of friendship to gang up on people and beat them with superior numbers and call in connections to do things for them like cowards when they can't do it themselves
*** the lower class of this world is not called the "The Lonely" who are all bad at social skills in some way
**** this worlds cybernetics may not give people great power by trapping people in your cyber arm or something and using stockholm syndrome to make them be your friends
***** criminal gangs by not consist of roving "friends" who us their friendship agreements  to enforce their rule over their territory.
****** May not try to do a similar setting for the power of love.
******* May not try to figure out what would happen if other such positive forces were turned into ways to abuse power and rule from on high.

----------


## Bohandas

*Yes, it's true that you can't spell "cocaine" without "AI", but I still don't think a drug addicted robot makes much sense

----------


## danielxcutter

Wasn't there one in Robocop 2?

----------


## Rater202

> Wasn't there one in Robocop 2?


1: There was a human brain in there, so technically a cyborg even if the machine part of the body only superficially resembled a traditional humanoid at that point.

2: He was technically addicted to a fictional drug called "nuke."

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I can't switch sex more than once a scene.

----------


## Telok

Not allowed to use "pass the taser*" instead of dice rolling.

* ok, so its one of the little shock proddies using a few 9v batts and nowhere near as fun as a Thomas A Swift Electric Rifle. Still not allowed.

----------


## Rater202

The incantations for my spells cannot be a description of what the spell does or an allusion to its effects translated into cockney rhyming slang.

----------


## Mandark

> The incantations for my spells cannot be a description of what the spell does or an allusion to its effects translated into cockney rhyming slang.


*Or if it is, I must go over the list with the GM, who is allowed to veto any and all rhymes without argument.
**Must provide a card with the actual Information upon casting the spell, not a verbatim typed account of the cockney rhyming slang spell.
***I can do better than rhyming FIREBALL with FIREBALL.

----------


## Rater202

I was thinking they're more utility spells rather than the traditional fireballs and lightning bolts.

For example, if I remember my slang right "Pinky and perky brought bangers and mash from the army and navy for Uncle Fred and Johnny Rudder" would be an appropriate incantation, under these rules, to conjure a turkey dinner with mashed potatoes, gravy, and a side of bread and butter.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I was thinking they're more utility spells rather than the traditional fireballs and lightning bolts.
> 
> For example, if I remember my slang right "Pinky and perky brought bangers and mash from the army and navy for Uncle Fred and Johnny Rudder" would be an appropriate incantation, under these rules, to conjure a turkey dinner with mashed potatoes, gravy, and a side of bread and butter.


And now I'm wondering 'what happened to the sausages'.

----------


## Rater202

> And now I'm wondering 'what happened to the sausages'.


Oh, crap, that's right. "bangers and mash" is mashed potatoes and sausage.

I knew I was gonna screw _something_ up with that.

----------


## Telok

> Oh, crap, that's right. "bangers and mash" is mashed potatoes and sausage.
> 
> I knew I was gonna screw _something_ up with that.


Miscast! Miscast! Roll on the wild mage table.

----------


## Bohandas

*Deep Thought did not leave off a zero




> The incantations for my spells cannot be a description of what the spell does or an allusion to its effects translated into cockney rhyming slang.


**mainly because if it was than Sigil would just be overrun by randon spell effects

----------


## Telok

* No matter how accurate it is, I may not categorize all D&D "boss fight" loot & treasure of the last 6 months as "vendor trash" within the DMs hearing.


Seriously, other than healing potions every boss loot magic item we've gotten this year has been sold or traded because nobody wants them.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* My WH40k ministorum priest may not be a conwoman using their version of the Imperial Cult to make money
** May not offer redemption through the low payment of 19.99 thrones
*** Or nickel and dime people by offering "five thrones per sin forgiven".
**** May not convince people that donating to me empowers the God-Emperor
***** Chaos worship does not void the deal because "they're an economic competitor"
****** demanding exorbitant sums of money from to forgive all the sins of a recently deceased family member so they can go to the Emperor is right out.
******* May not point out that due to how the settings rules work, that if my religion gets popular enough that it might actually work in what purports to do.

----------


## Socksy

> * My WH40k ministorum priest may not be a conwoman using their version of the Imperial Cult to make money
> ** May not offer redemption through the low payment of 19.99 thrones
> *** Or nickel and dime people by offering "five thrones per sin forgiven".
> **** May not convince people that donating to me empowers the God-Emperor
> ***** Chaos worship does not void the deal because "they're an economic competitor"
> ****** demanding exorbitant sums of money from to forgive all the sins of a recently deceased family member so they can go to the Emperor is right out.
> ******* May not point out that due to how the settings rules work, that if my religion gets popular enough that it might actually work in what purports to do.


I am fairly confident this is exactly how parts of the Ecclesiarchy already work in 40k.

******** May not do all of the above but in a game where everyone is Orks.
********* Mostly because it is even more likely to work.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> ***I can do better than rhyming FIREBALL with FIREBALL.


 Try rhyming it with {Thor} Heyerdahl.  :Small Big Grin: 

I can no longer get into wrestling matches with tentacled lava monsters who are sitting in their pool of lava.  
*Spoiler: why this is such a bad idea*
Show

I was on the way to being melted by lava when a fellow PC pulled me out of the over-temp spa treatment

----------


## tyckspoon

> *Or if it is, I must go over the list with the GM, who is allowed to veto any and all rhymes without argument.
> **Must provide a card with the actual Information upon casting the spell, not a verbatim typed account of the cockney rhyming slang spell.
> ***I can do better than rhyming FIREBALL with FIREBALL.


Fireball rhymes with 'shire wall.' Cockney rhymes often get contracted, because it's no fun if people listening to you actually know what you're rhyming, so cut it down to just 'shire'. Pick your favorite -shire to attach this to. Preferably one that is the home country of a well-known condiment, because with another rhyming substitution we can arrive at 'I cast Fireball at the boss' --> Worcestershire Sauce.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* My Treasure cannot consist of an old walking cane, a typewriter, and my ex-girlfriend from twelve years ago who I just happened to bump into last week.

----------


## Eldan

> Fireball rhymes with 'shire wall.' Cockney rhymes often get contracted, because it's no fun if people listening to you actually know what you're rhyming, so cut it down to just 'shire'. Pick your favorite -shire to attach this to. Preferably one that is the home country of a well-known condiment, because with another rhyming substitution we can arrive at 'I cast Fireball at the boss' --> Worcestershire Sauce.


And here I would have rhymed it with "tyre mall" and said that "shopping for tyres" is now murdering someone with flames.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> And here I would have rhymed it with "tyre mall" and said that "shopping for tyres" is now murdering someone with flames.


 Not sure which RPGs have the necklace as a selectable action.  :Small Eek:

----------


## Socksy

* Devils don't have barcodes.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * Devils don't have barcodes.


 That would be a great T-shirt.  :Small Cool:

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> * Devils don't have barcodes.


** But drunkards in a sci-fi universe usually do. 

*Spoiler: Explanation*
Show


Codes to a bar

----------


## Laughing Dog

> * Devils don't have barcodes.


Not anymore, at least.

----------


## Starlit Dragon

If I attempt to get the attention of a blacksmith by slamming my hands on the anvil he's using, I should not be surprised when I take damage.

----------


## Socksy

> That would be a great T-shirt.


Feel free to make it into one, if you are so inclined!

----------


## Isikyus

* My questgiver should not concoct excuses to avoid discussing the mission with the party she's hired
** She should at least not withhold crucial information
*** If she _is_ secretly an evil cultist, she can't be so central to city politics the PCs can't afford to attack her.
**** Authority figures should not be so irritatingly evil-but-neccessary the PCs decide to side with the crazy necromancer instead
**** An NPC this important should not be accidentally killed by an animal companion in the goofy Christmas session

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not create an excuse to randomly play the Jester of Bordeau's theme from Role With Me as often as possible

* May not make a character thats basically "Fate/Stay Night Gilgamesh but more more heroic and good"
** May not take the reaper class and have three 6th level spell lists and a PoW discipline through feats
*** May use unlimited wealth to get 10 of every weapon so with ceaseless ammo I can fire all of them limitlessly from my dimensional storage

----------


## Bohandas

*May not replace the party's healing potions with Folgers Crystals to see if they can tell the difference

----------


## Anonymouswizard

[QUOTE=Lord Raziere;25460338* May not make a character thats basically "Fate/Stay Night Gilgamesh but more more heroic and good"[/QUOTE]

Mainly because it's impossible to be more heroic than the King of Heroes.


* I may not spend all my points on extra mortal skills.
* Yes, having two points in Stabbing, four in Cool, and spending eight Will is probably going to let me win a thermonuclear war with a knife. No, I cannot put this to the test.

----------


## Eldan

> * I may not spend all my points on extra mortal skills.
> * Yes, having two points in Stabbing, four in Cool, and spending eight Will is probably going to let me win a thermonuclear war with a knife. No, I cannot put this to the test.


Not sure which system this is, but if you can win a thermonuclear war with a knife, you can also get enough defences to just parry all the nukes, so there's obviously no risk involved.

----------


## DeTess

> * May not make a character thats basically "Fate/Stay Night Gilgamesh but more more heroic and good"
> ** May not take the reaper class and have three 6th level spell lists and a PoW discipline through feats
> *** May use unlimited wealth to get 10 of every weapon so with ceaseless ammo I can fire all of them limitlessly from my dimensional storage


From my build for the same game:
*May not spend an irresponsible amount of build resources to be able to sneak attack someone from 40 miles away.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Not sure which system this is, but if you can win a thermonuclear war with a knife, you can also get enough defences to just parry all the nukes, so there's obviously no risk involved.


Nobilis. Bringing a knife to a global thermonuclear annihilation fight is the example for a -5 skill penalty, whereas a really motivated person can spend all their Will for a +8. Cool is also a penalty to your opponent's skill roll, so using a knife against ICBMs is as disadvantageous as going up against the coolest person in the country.

If you're really freaking cool you don't have to parry the nukes, their targeting systems or detonators just malfunction on their own.

For added fun Skill 3 is professional level. You can pull this off as a mortal who isn't even very good with knives if you really want to. Especially as your average person has no points in Launch Missiles.

It makes a lot more sense for Nobilis though, who primarily pick up Cool via raising Aspect at a one to one ratio. Aspect 3+, possibly Cool 1, and 2-3 points in some kind of fighting skill is probably enough to parry the nukes. If you're the Power of Negotiations with Domain 4 you can probably just convince them to switch sides.

----------


## Eldan

I _still_ never got to play Nobilis. Always too many games, not enough time.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> *May not replace the party's healing potions with Folgers Crystals to see if they can tell the difference


  And this is why inventing the Chaotic alignment was necessary.  :Small Big Grin:

----------


## TeChameleon

> *May not replace the party's healing potions with Folgers Crystals to see if they can tell the difference


Corollary: if they cannot tell the difference, at least one player must re-roll to a character with an INT above 3.

----------


## danielxcutter

Question: What in the Nine Hells of Baator is a Folger's Crystal?

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> Question: What in the Nine Hells of Baator is a Folger's Crystal?


Instant coffee (-like substance)

----------


## Bohandas

> Question: What in the Nine Hells of Baator is a Folger's Crystal?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Kmqm_72grM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxigbiEEOkk

----------


## Telok

* Not allowed to get the other characters in the D&D game to start playing Papers & Paychecks.
** Not allowed to get them to start a Dark Heresy game in the game in game.
*** So not allowed to let the game in a game in a game be more fun than the D&D game we're actually playing because generic fantasy is done so ****ing blah.

----------


## Tohron

> * Not allowed to get the other characters in the D&D game to start playing Papers & Paychecks.
> ** Not allowed to get them to start a Dark Heresy game in the game in game.
> *** So not allowed to let the game in a game in a game be more fun than the D&D game we're actually playing because generic fantasy is done so ****ing blah.


****Not allowed to spend a significant chunk of the session working out the logistics of how the characters in the game AND in the game-in-a-game can have sessions often enough so that events in the game-in-a-game-in-a-game comprise more that a tiny minority of total playtime.
*****Especially if the characters in the original game are working out the logistics in-character.
******You do NOT need to go deeper!

----------


## noob

> ****Not allowed to spend a significant chunk of the session working out the logistics of how the characters in the game AND in the game-in-a-game can have sessions often enough so that events in the game-in-a-game-in-a-game comprise more that a tiny minority of total playtime.
> *****Especially if the characters in the original game are working out the logistics in-character.
> ******You do NOT need to go deeper!


It is rather easy at the first level of inception: the dnd characters does one or two adventures then have enough money to play papers and paychecks a lot.
Now in papers and pay-checks organising sessions of dark heresy is hard because you have to work a job and pay your taxes or else you get to become an hobo on the streets.

******* you should not go deeper even if it was not explicitly forbidden by "you do not need to go deeper": it was an euphemism.

----------


## TeChameleon

* No longer allowed to nearly break my own brain trying to figure out whether or not a session dedicated almost entirely to curse-breaking where only a couple of players got to do much of anything, but where two players (when they worked in tandem) ended up with the ability to summon mariachi bands at-will is a net gain or a net loss.

----------


## SpyOne

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Kmqm_72grM
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxigbiEEOkk


For those disinclined to follow the link, they had a long-running ad campaign on the theme "we went to this world-class restaurant and replaced the coffee they usually serve with Folgers Crystals. Let's see if they can tell the difference" followed by interviews with patrons about their coffee.

They were so ubiquitous that parodies of tgem became ubiquitous too. "We went to this Emergency Room snd replaced the blood they normally give with Folgers Crystals".

File it under "it was funny if you're fifty."

----------


## danielxcutter

So what's the tl;dr?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I cannot ban elves.
** Or half-elves.
*** Even if it's the only way to see any other race in the party.

----------


## Rater202

*A character named Alexandra Josoline Joestar Otsusuki Addams is banned by default.
**Even in a parody game.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* Any character that is a drider or jorugumo is not allowed out on the account of arachnophobia
** No matter how cute she is
*** how how many sweaters and leg-warmers she wears to make her more cuddly, or how furry she is

* May not start a campaign with making the PCs kill Monkey D. Luffy 
** No matter how much I want it to happen
*** In a world of infinite realities, my first action may not to go kill random fictional characters I hate where they exist.

* May not make a campaign where you not only rifftrax/MST3k various bad media, but actively go in and kill people in them.
** Then attempt to make a better movie by replacing them

----------


## Telok

* Not allowed to write a script to "fix" the speak with dead spell on dndbeyond in the page html so that when pushed to roll20 it lets me make corpses sing instead of answering questions.
** Not allowed a wagon full of shrunken heads that qualify for the speak with dead spell.
*** Not allowed to have Frank Sinatra singing "My Way" on loop in the background over discord when I pull this stunt.

* On discovering that dndbeyond stacks wand of the war mage & rod of the pact keeper I may not retcon in several levels of artificer & then seek out all the +spell attack items in order to skip rolling to hit.

----------


## Jervis

*I can no longer cast summon lesser bag of rats 
**I also cannot use them to create a flying machine

----------


## Bohandas

*The Voight-Kampff Test is not a CAPTCHA

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> They were so ubiquitous that parodies of tgem became ubiquitous too. "We went to this Emergency Room snd replaced the blood they normally give with Folgers Crystals".
> 
> File it under "it was funny if you're fifty."


 Or even a bit older. I laughed.  :Small Big Grin:

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Building public baths will not keep the peasants from revolting.

----------


## Bohandas

*May not refer to the Bene Gesseret as "the Karen Illuminati"

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> *May not refer to the Bene Gesseret as "the Karen Illuminati"


 But I probably will for the foreseeable future.  :Small Big Grin:

----------


## noob

> * Building public baths will not keep the peasants from revolting.


** May not suggest killing all angry peasant in ritual sacrifices until they are too scared to revolt.

----------


## Lord Torath

*** "The peasants are revolting." is not a statement on their cleanliness (although I suppose it _could_ be)

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

* As it turns out, I am *not* allowed to create high CR "boing boings" for encounters.
** Not even if the situation seems to cry out for such things.
*** NO MORE BOING BOINGS!

----------


## RedMage125

> *May not refer to the Bene Gesseret as "the Karen Illuminati"


Regrettably, I think I can no longer call them anything BUT that, now...

----------


## TeChameleon

> *May not refer to the Bene Gesseret as "the Karen Illuminati"


I...


but...

...

...

*slow clap*

Well played, sir.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> *** "The peasants are revolting." is not a statement on their cleanliness (although I suppose it _could_ be)


...

Yes, that's exactly the joke I was making.

----------


## Lord Torath

* I may no longer use Phantasmal Force to blind people.
** Yes, I can create an illusion of a large chest.
*** Yes, I can make it a wall.
**** Putting the wall directly in front of the bad guy is fine.
***** Making it a cylinder that goes around the bad guy is also okay.
****** Technically, I can make it a floating wall.
******* Well, yes, I can make it really short, only a foot or so tall.
******** Sure, I can position it around the bad guy's head.
********* Hey!  No blinding people with... fine.

----------


## danielxcutter

> I...
> 
> 
> but...
> 
> ...
> 
> ...
> 
> ...


I require context.

----------


## Metastachydium

> I require context.


The Bene Gesserit is a secretive all-female organization of sorts in the _Dune_-verse. The concise description above is fairly accurate.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> The Bene Gesserit is a secretive all-female organization of sorts in the _Dune_-verse. The concise description above is fairly accurate.


Why do they all name themselves "Karen"?

* May not interpret internet slang literally while pretending not to know its real meaning
** May not speak in defense of real people named Karen because I dislike internet slang using real people names to refer to meme-people archetypes
*** May not point out that people named Chad are just dudes man like everyone else and you shouldn't put such high expectations on them y'know?
**** May not propagate a third meme-person archetype known as "Mctibbleson" that as a parody of this trend, referring to "Mctibblesons" and "what they're like" but without providing any context or information to clear it up as to whether its positive, negative or anything. 
***** May not proclaim that the internet need someone to make fun of it in response to it making fun of everything else.

----------


## Bohandas

> The Bene Gesserit is a secretive all-female organization of sorts in the _Dune_-verse. The concise description above is fairly accurate.


Plus they have a superpower for making people do whatever they demand, they all seem to be either middle or upper class, and they constantly use yoga jargon when they talk.

----------


## Rater202

There is no Exalted charm called Overwhelming Mary Sue Bull**** Enlightenment.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> There is no Exalted charm called Overwhelming Mary Sue Bull**** Enlightenment.


* Not even if I make an Exigent of Mary Sues
** Mostly because I'd need to have a Goddess of Mary Sues to get it from.
*** I'd probably also be an illegal Exigent, the Unconquered Sun doesn't give sparks away for Mary Sue nonsense
**** My Mary Sue Exigent cannot have  Adamant Circle Sorcery and Sidereal Martial Arts AND Void Circle Necromancy at Essence 1
***** The Bronze Faction WILL consider my Exigent a greater threat than the Solars and do anything to take me down
****** Especially if I start gathering a Dragon-Blooded lesbian polycule to try and make a bid for Empress

----------


## Bohandas

*None of the characters from Squidbillies ever lived in Innsmouth

*The "Ghost Eating Technique" used by the Exalted is not the same one used by Pac-Man

*House Phiarlan are not juggalos

*the Star of Chaos is not "a stylized drawing of a butt hole"

----------


## Personification

> * Not even if I make an Exigent of Mary Sues
> ** Mostly because I'd need to have a Goddess of Mary Sues to get it from.
> *** I'd probably also be an illegal Exigent, the Unconquered Sun doesn't give sparks away for Mary Sue nonsense
> **** My Mary Sue Exigent cannot have  Adamant Circle Sorcery and Sidereal Martial Arts AND Void Circle Necromancy at Essence 1
> ***** The Bronze Faction WILL consider my Exigent a greater threat than the Solars and do anything to take me down
> ****** Especially if I start gathering a Dragon-Blooded lesbian polycule to try and make a bid for Empress


*The backstory of my Exalted character cannot be that they are a Mary Sue who got planeshifted to a world populated by a large number of their own kind for "balance reasons"
**For several reasons, not the least of which is that it sounds like the plot of a mediocre webcomic... 
***Or a likely much higher quality manga

----------


## Lord Raziere

> *The backstory of my Exalted character cannot be that they are a Mary Sue who got planeshifted to a world populated by a large number of their own kind for "balance reasons"
> **For several reasons, not the least of which is that it sounds like the plot of a mediocre webcomic... 
> ***Or a likely much higher quality manga


**** This is not a weird form of Getimian Exaltation

* My Dragon-Blooded shikari may not be inspired by Menou from The Executioner and her Way of Life
** She does not have a Solar Anathema girlfriend and a bunch of tension surrounding their relationship

* My Changing Moon Lunar may not just be a transgender lesbian version of Marena of the Red Crescent
** May not make a Night Caste version of Secret her Solar Mate

* May not make a No Moon Lunar just to use lunar mutation charms to convert people into beefolk, snakefolk or any other kind of beastfolk

* There is no Exigents of the following: Sex, Lesbians, Time Travel, Takebacks, Breaking The Setting, Guns, Demons, Zen-Mu, The Brass Dancer, Ligier, squirrels, neomah, The Wyld, watermelons, or Unfinished Jokes

----------


## Personification

> **** This is not a weird form of Getimian Exaltation
> 
> * My Dragon-Blooded shikari may not be inspired by Menou from The Executioner and her Way of Life
> ** She does not have a Solar Anathema girlfriend and a bunch of tension surrounding their relationship
> 
> * My Changing Moon Lunar may not just be a transgender lesbian version of Marena of the Red Crescent
> ** May not make a Night Caste version of Secret her Solar Mate
> 
> * May not make a No Moon Lunar just to use lunar mutation charms to convert people into beefolk, snakefolk or any other kind of beastfolk
> ...


...yet.ten

----------


## Rater202

The League of Extraordinary Floridamen is a concept that shall never see the light of day.

----------


## Personification

> The League of Extraordinary Floridamen is a concept that shall never see the light of day.


But it's the sunshine state!

*Floridamen were not renamed Floridafolk in the latest edition.

----------


## Rockphed

> The League of Extraordinary Floridamen is a concept that shall never see the light of day.


... this week in Exalted ...

* If overthrowing the evil overlord leads to massive inflation, social instability, and general lawlessness, "put him back in power" is not to be plan A.
** Plan A cannot be "find an eviler overlord to take his place" either.
*** Becoming his replacement is right out.

----------


## Jervis

> ... this week in Exalted ...
> 
> * If overthrowing the evil overlord leads to massive inflation, social instability, and general lawlessness, "put him back in power" is not to be plan A.
> ** Plan A cannot be "find an eviler overlord to take his place" either.
> *** Becoming his replacement is right out.


Tarquin approved solutions are out then?

----------


## Lord Raziere

> ... this week in Exalted ...
> 
> * If overthrowing the evil overlord leads to massive inflation, social instability, and general lawlessness, "put him back in power" is not to be plan A.
> ** Plan A cannot be "find an eviler overlord to take his place" either.
> *** Becoming his replacement is right out.


* Almost no problem can be solved with the words "embrace your inner Abyssal"
** or "Embrace the violence"
*** nothing good comes from "reaching heaven through violence"

* may not steal the form of a tax assessor just to go around to people demanding ridiculous sums of rice.
** May not point out that Fangs at The Gate says this is a viable Lunar strategy for fermenting rebellion

*My Black Claw Style teacher may not be any of the following: my mother, my sister, any teacher who educated me before age 18, my daughter, my talking pet, my master when I was a slave, my maid before I exalted as a Dragon-Blooded dynast, or anyone else of that nature.
** My Getimian may not get around the Black Claw teacher thing by having a teacher be from their Origin and thus doesn't exist.

----------


## Personification

> ... this week in Exalted ...
> 
> * If overthrowing the evil overlord leads to massive inflation, social instability, and general lawlessness, "put him back in power" is not to be plan A.
> ** Plan A cannot be "find an eviler overlord to take his place" either.
> *** Becoming his replacement is right out.


This is just the plot of Mistborn

----------


## Jervis

* I may not describe Silvery Barbs as bombarding my opponents mind with cringy deviantart pictures 
** Not even when its funny to do so
*** I may not post said deviantart pictures in the discord chad as reference

----------


## Lord Raziere

> This is just the plot of Mistborn


* May not point out this is technically only 2/3rd's of the plot of Mistborn.

* The Children of Yatani are not the Getimian's or Rakan Thulio's plan to make a DB army to counter the Sidereal's one by bringing them in from a different version of Creation
** Nor are they the remnants of the Gunstar
*** or Dragon-Blooded people descended from a modern Earth
**** Nor are they from a world Gaia created after disappearing from Creation
***** they are not a lost First Age Dragon-Blooded colony returned
****** because their true origins are probably much more strange than any of those possibilities 
******* The Children of Yatani are not an excuse to make whatever weird DB I want.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Solars are not 'prototype Nobilis'.

----------


## Personification

> * May not point out this is technically only 2/3rd's of the plot of Mistborn.


I was actually considering specifying something along those lines, but I couldn't think of a way to make it not clunky.
In honor of Mr. Sanderson (spoilers for his stuff I guess):

*I may not make all of my plot twists revolve around a mysterious dead wife.
**Yes, for my sci-fi campaign I can have the plot twist be that the "Unkowable Things from Beyond the Stars" are actually a Pseudo-hivemind of ancient AIs
***The secondary plot twist may not be that all of the AIs are actually a digital copy of one guys dead wife.
****What do you mean "too late"?
*****No, the fact that the dimension made entirely out of the essence of dead wife turned evil because of dead husband does not make it better, that's just doubling down.

----------


## Telok

> *I may not make all of my plot twists revolve around a mysterious dead wife.
> **Yes, for my sci-fi campaign I can have the plot twist be that the "Unkowable Things from Beyond the Stars" are actually a Pseudo-hivemind of ancient AIs


* Not allowed to pull the "Harvey Mudd" thing ever again. No matter what.
** Definitely may not have the gem they trapped her ghost in come up for sale.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* My Dream-souled's Ideal may not be "Everyone should love each other as lesbians"
** or "Everything should become cute"
*** or "everything would be better if all people were catfolk"
**** may not reshape the world into memes

* May not play a Hearteater Exalted
** No not even if I limit my pawns to Fair folk or demons
*** My ever expanding mind control of all things is not just me showing my love
**** May not try to justify letting me live to the Sidereal by saying "just let me mind control the gods and I'll work with you to make things run smoothly up there"
***** or to the Dragon-Blooded "let me become the new Empress and all your civil war problems will be solved!"
****** Talking to the Autochthonians at all is right out
******* a little girl Hearteater mind controlling everyone into having tea parties with her is just a horror story in progress.

* My Umbral Exalted's Shadow is not just an excuse to have some Ichigo Kurosaki-esque hollow inside me
** The Shadow's Defining Intimacy may not be "Time for EDGE"
*** or "I'm the coolest"
**** or "Vengeance"
***** or "I'm the ultimate life form"
****** or "I must get my revenge on Itachi Uchiha"
******* or "Blood For Blood God"
******** or "The Ebon Dragon has a point"

----------


## TeChameleon

* If the only side-effect of gaining a Legendary Artifact for free is our airship suddenly sprouting a trans-dimensional attic, questioning it is unwise
** especially if another party member manages to gain a Faerie Dragon familiar from that same attic

----------


## danielxcutter

> * My Dream-souled's Ideal may not be "Everyone should love each other as lesbians"
> ** or "Everything should become cute"
> *** or "everything would be better if all people were catfolk"
> **** may not reshape the world into memes


Hmm, depends, do I get to keep the plumbing down there?

Actually whats a Dream-souled?

----------


## Lord Raziere

> Hmm, depends, do I get to keep the plumbing down there?
> 
> Actually whats a Dream-souled?


optionally canonical Exalted from the Exigents preview. Dream-souled are basically the exalted that replaces playable raksha in Ex3. they one of the Apocryphals- three Exalt types that could be canon, could not be. the other two are Umbrals and Hearteaters. the Dream-Souled do a lot of cool Wyld/Fae stuff. course they're charmsets aren't complete, intentionally so, so that people can homebrew them themselves, devs don't have time to make all the Exalt ideas possible.

* may not make an Umbral charm to make my eyes stronger by killing the person I love
** may not make an Umbral charm to defend against positive social influence titled "Too Good To Be True"
*** my charms to detect negative intimacies associated with cynicism and pessimism don't automatically let me find Sidereals
**** or politicians
***** or Guild merchants
****** or teenagers
******* may not make an Umbral charm to fire sith force lightning at people.

* may not use Dream-Souled charms to turn peoples houses into gingerbread ones to "solve world hunger"
** may not use Face-Changing Glamour to put silly illusory appearances on my enemies
*** using Waking Dream Ephemera just to be petty conwoman selling people things that disappear once the scene ends is distinctly lacking in imagination
**** my idealized form using Dream Champion's Trance may not take the form of a magical girl
***** Nor may it be going Super Saiyan
****** may not make Dream-Souled charms to defeat things using the power of friendship
******* or love
******** my Dream-Souled's Ideal may not be "Turn Creation into a world where the Power of Friendship/Love works".
********* making a charm to create magical ponies is right out.

----------


## Tohron

* Yes, the listed price for getting 1st level spells cast is 10 gp times the caster level.  That does not mean I can pay 20,000 gp for a CL 2000 Skill Enhancement infusion.
** I may not Wish for an item with such an infusion active either.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

*May no longer trade my clothes for new ones (the tailor liked the cut of my foreign cloth) when it entails my dwarf just dropping his clothes on the floor and putting the new ones on since the tailor didn't have a changing room. 
The other PCs advised my dwarf that being a bit more discreet in the future would be appreciated.
** May not encourage the paladin to adopt the turn of phrase "as hairy as a dwarf's backside"

----------


## Bohandas

*Slannesh's realm in the Immaterium is not to be described as "a combination of _Hellraiser_ and _Jackass_"

----------


## Rater202

My Superhero costume cannot be a literal fursuit lined with kevlar and ballistic mesh.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I cannot bring an Eclipse Phase character into any crossover game.
** Especially one with science skills.

----------


## danielxcutter

> *Slannesh's realm in the Immaterium is not to be described as "a combination of _Hellraiser_ and _Jackass_"


I dont know what Jackass is, but Hellraiser sounds fairly accurate for some parts of it.

----------


## Telok

> I dont know what Jackass is, but Hellraiser sounds fairly accurate for some parts of it.


I'm pretty sure there's a 24/7/365 speed/death metal concert going on everywhere at the same time too.

----------


## Bohandas

> I dont know what Jackass is


It's a movie and TV franchise that involves a bunch of stuntmen, all of whom are aging bros, doing pranks and stunts that all have some vulgar element to them and generally end up with people getting hit in the groin or covered in excrement or something like that. 

And going back to my thing earlier, some of the stuff they do in Jackass could also be a Slannesh type thing, but the wackiness of it wouldn't really mix well with Slannesh as Hellraiser. Like imagine if instead of tearing you apart with spiked chains the cenobites jumped on your groin with a pogo stick, and that big rotating pillar that they nailed people's faces to was in the shape of a giant marital aid, and one of them showed up drunk when the box summoned them, and Pinhead's pins were all messed up and crooked because he put them in while riding in a dune buggy

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* A team of four troubleshooters should be assigned more than three laser pistols.

----------


## Telok

> * A team of four troubleshooters should be assigned more than three laser pistols.


** The solution "and a box of random unmarked experiemtal grenades accompanied by 'user experience survey' forms" shall not be used more than twice.


Tho that random Paranoia grenade generator I found was flippin _gold_ and I couldn't use it just once.

----------


## Rockphed

*** "Salvage rights on the enemies' equipment" is also not a viable solution.

----------


## Personification

*If I make a lightfoot halfling bard named Gordon, I'd better know more songs than just "Sundown", "Rainy Day People", and "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

----------


## Excession

> *** "Salvage rights on the enemies' equipment" is also not a viable solution.


**** Soldiers wanting a plasma pistol like the aliens use shall not be handed a taser and told to go get their own. (X-COM: Enemy Unknown).

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> *** "Salvage rights on the enemies' equipment" is also not a viable solution.


**** All recovered equipment must be returned in perfect condition.

Although, honestly, my first plan is still to assign them an item above their security clearance and wait for them to use it. Then the terrorist mutant traitor will explode and everybody else can get on with the mission.

Plus a live grenade, but with like an incredibly long fuse.

----------


## Rater202

I can't release several hundred scores each of xenomorphs, Indominus rexes, tribbles, and mogwai/gremlins at random locations on Zeerus and come back eight hundred years later to see what happened.

----------


## TeChameleon

> I can't release several hundred scores each of xenomorphs, Indominus rexes, tribbles, and mogwai/gremlins at random locations on Zeerus and come back eight hundred years later to see what happened.


... if you did that while I was DMing, you'd get back and find nothing at all, except scattered, decaying evidence of a sophisticated space program.

* Punching an ornithopter into splinters in one round is still not the best way to convince my DM that monks aren't overpowered (really not sure what's up with that one, it just seems like monks are my DM's kryptonite  :Small Confused: )

----------


## Telok

Apparently the DM is more willing to consider a ninja T-Rex homebrew than a normal as written in the rules kender wildmage.... still... and its been decades since the last kender... that wasn't even me...

----------


## Jervis

> Apparently the DM is more willing to consider a ninja T-Rex homebrew than a normal as written in the rules kender wildmage.... still... and its been decades since the last kender... that wasn't even me...


Understandable honestly. Id rather have a pyrohydra PC at my table than allow Kender to exist in a setting

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Understandable honestly. Id rather have a pyrohydra PC at my table than allow Kender to exist in a setting


It's GMs like you stopping me from playing a Kender Paladin. All because I need a steady supply of people to borrow powers from.


* I cannot base any character on the main characters of DIE.
** Especially if I can get Dictator powers to work as reliably as the comic's

----------


## Personification

> ... if you did that while I was DMing, you'd get back and find nothing at all, except scattered, decaying evidence of a sophisticated space program.
> 
> * Punching an ornithopter into splinters in one round is still not the best way to convince my DM that monks aren't overpowered (really not sure what's up with that one, it just seems like monks are my DM's kryptonite )


In fairness, an Ornithopter is just an 0/2.

*In a Ravnica campaign, may not take the flaw "Convinced everyone else is Lazav, the Multifarious"

----------


## noob

> In fairness, an Ornithopter is just an 0/2.
> 
> *In a Ravnica campaign, may not take the flaw "Convinced everyone else is Lazav, the Multifarious"


** May not argue that if believing it is not a flaw, it means it is actually the truth.
*** Now, I may not doubt not being Lazav, the Multifarious.(yes, you are lazav, I am lazav, everybody is lazav)

----------


## danielxcutter

Tl;dr please.

----------


## noob

> Tl;dr please.


Lazav the multifarious is a magic the gathering character that can take the shape of any dead.
Of course paranoia arises, "did this guy die and get replaced by lazav?" "is everybody dead and is there is only lazav left pretending to be each person in turn"

----------


## danielxcutter

Well that sounds frighteningly strong.

----------


## Eldan

It was also a bit of a running gag in the community for a while, to just answer "It was actually Lazav the Multifarious" to any question about a character.

----------


## Telok

Turns out I'm not allowed to describe Mork Borg as a light-hearted comedy game. Also, I'm getting some funny looks now.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> "is everybody dead and is there is only lazav left pretending to be each person in turn"


So they're Alpharias?

----------


## Bohandas

The medieval style pictoral pub signs on the taverns may not depict any of the following obscene rebuses:
*A juggling rooster
*A rooster being devoured by a cat
*a kaiju rooster
*two chickadees perched upon a donkey

----------


## Rater202

The pre-existing ban against running a Pizza Hut out of the TARDIS extends to McDonald's, Dairy Queen, Hardees, and Applebees.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* I cannot put Spook Juice in drinks dispensers.

----------


## Personification

> Lazav the multifarious is a magic the gathering character that can take the shape of any dead.
> Of course paranoia arises, "did this guy die and get replaced by lazav?" "is everybody dead and is there is only lazav left pretending to be each person in turn"


Actually, while his card only does dead things, he is just a powerful, influential shapeshifter. He doesn't have to be disguised as someone dead, or even someone who ever existed. On the other hand, he is likely to have someone killed before he disguises himself as them.

*Yes, there is such a thing as "too Vorthos".

*In an Eldraine campaign, I may not take the flaw "Convinced everyone else is an elk."

----------


## Lord Raziere

some more Exalted ones:
* the first ever meeting of the Althing Infernal's first order of business may not be: "Screw the Realm!"
** The vote may not be a unanimous "aye"
*** the second order of business may not be "First Circle Demon Rights"
**** namely that they should have some
***** Infernal Sorcerers are allowed to summon First Circle demons unbound into Creation as long they pay them 
****** and as long as the pay does not violate the rights of mortals
******* Infernal Sorcerers are not allowed however to summon Second/Third Circles unbound, ever.

* May not make a Chosen of Determination Exigent and they may not have a glowing red heart
** May not make a Chosen of Undecided or Indecision 
*** May not make a Chosen of Better Than Solars
**** especially if its just to get Third Circle Sorcery at character creation
***** The Chosen of Pie's combat ability is not Thrown
****** Their anima does not consist of various pies and the scent of a freshly baked ones
******* May not defeat the gods by throwing pies at them....even if they are poisoned
******** May not craft an artifact pie that returns to and reforms in my hand. 

* My Penumbra Caste Infernal may not be a merchant trying to sell tulips
** May not progress to selling tulip seeds
*** or selling papers saying you own a certain tulip that has not sprouted yet
**** may not go further and market it as a "tulip lottery" 
*****or "tulip gacha"
****** or sell them in "tulip booster packs"
******* May not just all be a scheme to make the Realm's citizens waste their money on tulips while making money to fund my armed rebellion against it

----------


## Personification

> * My Penumbra Caste Infernal may not be a merchant trying to sell tulips
> ** May not progress to selling tulip seeds
> *** or selling papers saying you own a certain tulip that has not sprouted yet
> **** may not go further and market it as a "tulip lottery" 
> *****or "tulip gacha"
> ****** or sell them in "tulip booster packs"
> ******* May not just all be a scheme to make the Realm's citizens waste their money on tulips while making money to fund my armed rebellion against it


A packet of tulip seeds _is_ just a randomized tulip booster pack. In fact, all of plant sales is just a form of unlegislated gambling! In this essay...

----------


## Tohron

* I may not advance my social standing by using a Ride check to ride the coattails of someone else.

----------


## DCraw

> Understandable honestly. Id rather have a pyrohydra PC at my table than allow Kender to exist in a setting


* No, Jawas are not "Space Kender"
** A Jawa engineer who disassembles and 'rehomes' anything not sufficiently bolted down is still banned, though.
*** Sufficiently bolted down does not depend on my Mechanic check

----------


## Personification

> * No, Jawas are not "Space Kender"
> ** A Jawa engineer who disassembles and 'rehomes' anything not sufficiently bolted down is still banned, though.
> *** Sufficiently bolted down does not depend on my Mechanic check


****There is no Clarke-British Postulate stating that any sufficiently bolted down object is indistinguishable from set dressing.
*****There is no corollary to the Clarke-British Postulate stating that any sufficiently analyzed set dressing is indistinguishable from loot.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * No, Jawas are not "Space Kender"


 Cackled, I did.  :Small Smile: 

* May not name my next Jawa PC _Chopshop_.

----------


## Rater202

Grinding up and snorting the Infinity Stones will kill me, not make me all-powerful.

----------


## TeChameleon

> Grinding up and snorting the Infinity Stones will kill me, not make me all-powerful.


... wait, what were you using to grind up the Infinity Gems?

----------


## noob

> ... wait, what were you using to grind up the Infinity Gems?


Probably an infinity millstone?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ... wait, what were you using to grind up the Infinity Gems?


Rater likes immortality, he'll likely just wait for them to erode while collecting the dust.


* Being able to create a nuclear missile from a car engine, a length of plastic tubing, and a dead computer is not a valid reason to do so.

----------


## thorr-kan

> ... wait, what were you using to grind up the Infinity Gems?


*Spoiler: Spoilers for What If?!*
Show

Why, the Infinity Grinder, of course!  

"The Infinity Crusher, designed to disintegrate each stone into nothing."
―Gamora to the Guardians of the Multiverse[src]

"What If... The Watcher Broke His Oath?", Season 1, Episode 9.

https://marvelcinematicuniverse.fand...finity_Crusher

----------


## Bohandas

*Turning water into urine is not a miracle

*Alderi Harlequins are not Juggalos
**whoop whoop

----------


## Lord Raziere

WH40k:
* My Rogue Trader's goal may not be to search for "El Dorantlis: the lost planet of gold"
** she may not be made a rogue trader because she was too successful of a crusader commander
*** when she fails to find El Dorantlis, may not resort to piracy. repeatedly.
**** May not try to sell tech priests on digital currency
***** NFTs and digital currency are not the work of Tzeentch.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* When the party returns a long lost egg to a copper dragon, I may no longer suggest that we remember  to offer up some bacon and toast as well if we do a similar favor/quest in the future.  
(She didn't even say thank you, just grabbed the egg and left the room. And we were the one's who had fought fiends, aberrations and undead to recover the darned thing).

** May no longer point out to the minions that because that egg had been in the possession of fiends, it was now a deviled egg.

----------


## dspeyer

* May not use the tarrasque as a ranged weapon
** Nor the sun
*** Chaining the tarrasque to the sun and dropping it from the sky onto our enemies is right out

----------


## Telok

> * May not use the tarrasque as a ranged weapon
> ** Nor the sun
> *** Chaining the tarrasque to the sun and dropping it from the sky onto our enemies is right out


Pfft. Get a bigger game. I've statted up space combat torpedos that use tarrasques as warheads. Fully intend to shoot two or three into the PC's ship at some point and watch the hilarity.

However,

* Not allowed to import TES soulgems into a D&D game to recharge magic items in order to make the magic items actually useful instead of stupid noble bribes.

** Absolutely not allowed the Morrowind magic system in any TTRPG that I'm not running.

----------


## dspeyer

> Pfft. Get a bigger game. I've statted up space combat torpedos that use tarrasques as warheads. Fully intend to shoot two or three into the PC's ship at some point and watch the hilarity.


* The tarrasque is a unique monster: it has no reproductive capability
** No matter how neatly I slice it in half, only one half grows back
*** I may not clone the tarrasque
**** I may not travel across planes *collecting* tarrasques

(Being serious for a moment, I realize different settings are different.  I'm just used to speaking of "the" tarrasque, whose release ends the world.)

----------


## Eldan

> * The tarrasque is a unique monster: it has no reproductive capability
> ** No matter how neatly I slice it in half, only one half grows back
> *** I may not clone the tarrasque
> **** I may not travel across planes *collecting* tarrasques
> 
> (Being serious for a moment, I realize different settings are different.  I'm just used to speaking of "the" tarrasque, whose release ends the world.)


There is a canonical Planet of the Tarrasques, which is full of them.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> There is a canonical Planet of the Tarrasques, which is full of them.


I thought those were peaceful herbivores. Clearly different to the Tarrasque, despite appearances.

----------


## Telok

> I thought those were peaceful herbivores. Clearly different to the Tarrasque, despite appearances.


https://spelljammer.fandom.com/wiki/Falx

Several hundred of them, omnivores, have the carapace & regeneration & stuff in order to withstand the wind. Apparently its like living at the business end of a sandblaster most of the time.

----------


## Bohandas

*The song "Hammer Smashed Face" by Cannibal Corpse is not a hymn to Thor
**It has a cartain thematic appropriateness, but no

----------


## Rater202

*I do not have the power to have random tech priests banished to Robot Hell.

----------


## Bohandas

*Cubone is not "The Norman Bates Pokémon"

*Tom Bombadil is not the spirit of Peppridge Farms
**Do you remember the first raindrop and the first acorn, and a time when quality and care went into baking cookies? Tom Bombadil remembers.

----------


## not_a_fish

*I may not build Warhammer Fantasy lore into my D&D character's racial background.
**especially not if it's so that I can add unbalanced encounters and sketchy DM rulings to my character's personal Book of Grudges.
***especially not if I'm playing an elf.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* It's Ulthuan, not Elflantis.

----------


## Telok

* May not dis the tarasque by comparing it to Godzilla without first producing two versions of each from different game systems.

** May not, upon digging up additional game system versions, further double dis the D&D tarasque by noting the other games have rules letting it throw trucks 90 meters or javelin large trees & i-beams a couple hundred.

*** May not triple dis the D&D tarasque by remembering past edition's Ts without looking up the current stats and finding it got downgraded again.

**** May not insult D&D iconic monsters to the point the DM feels the need to homebrew ones that are more than just sacks of hp with damage abilities.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

* I'm not allowed to use any more tree monsters.
** Especially if they have the ability to, as a reaction, mimic any spell of 5th level or lower they see cast, but can choose new targets.
*** especially if the wizard opens with his shiny new spell _Steel Wind Strike_ and there are multiple of those trees.

Ok, really, the party found it frightening but fun. Despite that one ability doing more damage to the party than had been done in the previous few fights combined. 2 attacks against each character dealing 6d10 force damage if they hit, using the wizard's high attack bonus.  :Small Big Grin:

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I am no longer allowed to try and trick a sentient tree into healing a fellow party member.

----------


## danielxcutter

Implying that said tree wouldn't have done so if you asked nicely?

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> Implying that said tree wouldn't have done so if you asked nicely?


Same "replicate the spells" trees as I mentioned. He figured (with some reason) that if he cast _cure wounds_ on a downed ally, the tree would mirror it blindly onto that same person. It didn't. It healed itself. Because I'm evil.

----------


## danielxcutter

Oh now that's just sadistic. :v

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> Oh now that's just sadistic. :v


The tree also had large pointy teeth and bit for substantial damage. It was glorious.  :Small Cool:  



> Implying that said tree wouldn't have done so if you asked nicely?


 Given that it had already taken a bit of damage from the party, if I had asked it nicely it would probably have just bitten me since I don't recall learning any tree language, and I had a sharp pointy object (dragon shard sword) that I had stuck into it once or twice or and divine-smote at least once.

----------


## Metastachydium

> The tree also had large pointy teeth and bit for substantial damage. It was glorious.  
> 
>  Given that it had already taken a bit of damage from the party, if I had asked it nicely it would probably have just bitten me since I don't recall learning any tree language, and I had a sharp pointy object (dragon shard sword) that I had stuck into it once or twice or and divine-smote at least once.


So, ultimately the morale should be this: be nice to planties, kids, and they probably won't bite your head off only to heal themselves afterwards!

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> So, ultimately the morale should be this: be nice to planties, kids, and they probably won't bite your head off only to heal themselves afterwards!


 I thought that planties were underwear for entwives.   :Small Eek:   Did I miss a memo?  :Small Confused:

----------


## Bohandas

> **** If the GM has to hypothetically contrive it that I'm actually royalty of a completely different plane of existence if they were ever to try it at all, I might be overdoing it a little.


Wasn;t that the premise of the old Super Mario Bros. movie from the 1990's?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Wasn;t that the premise of the old Super Mario Bros. movie from the 1990's?


And a decent number of fantasy novels for both kids and adults. Not as common as being royalty of the same plane of existence, but it does happen.

I remember one book where the villain kidnapped the prince of another world and then abandoned him when she discovered she was pregnant.

----------


## Metastachydium

> I thought that planties were underwear for entwives.    Did I miss a memo?


_[Glares.]_ Yes you did. It said *I HATE YOU!*

----------


## Rater202

I am still not allowed to play a rough and tumble dryad "lookin' fer that no good, yellah bellied varment what cut down my ma."

----------


## Lord Raziere

* The first contact the PC's encounter may not be "exasperated underhive mutant trying to explain the setting"
** the second contact may not be "tech priest heretek who realized parts of the mechanicus rituals are unnecessary"
*** may not put in actual hope into Warhammer 40,000
**** My Jumper character may not be some martial arts collector disappointed that this world doesn't have any styles for her to learn and just trying to find something to gain from this. 
***** my character may not act like a disappointed martial artist master to every fighter she meets.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> I am still not allowed to play a rough and tumble dryad "lookin' fer that no good, yellah bellied varment what cut down my ma."


 * may never play a machine washed warm, tumbled dryad

----------


## Personification

> * may never play a machine washed warm, tumbled dryad


Sometimes I see something that makes me furious for not having come up with. Bravo

----------


## danielxcutter

Uh... what?

----------


## Personification

> Uh... what?


It was really funny and I wish I had thought of it.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> It was really funny and I wish I had thought of it.


 I am glad that someone enjoyed that - a pleasure to serve. *bows*  :Small Smile:

----------


## Alabenson

* The verbal component to _Irresistible Dance_ is not "Hey macarena"

** Nor is it "Do the Harlem Shake"

----------


## danielxcutter

> It was really funny and I wish I had thought of it.


Oh, so there wasn't some sort of reference I was missing.

----------


## Rockphed

I cannot abuse genre savvy in ravenloft to summon lightning.
* Igor von Igor cannot find a brain at the drop of a hat.
** The Diet of Worms is a meeting, not a health craze.
*** The Diet of Wyrms might be a meeting of elder dragons, or it might be you on the menu. Do you really want to find out?

----------


## DCraw

> * The verbal component to _Irresistible Dance_ is not "Hey macarena"
> 
> ** Nor is it "Do the Harlem Shake"


*** Nor is it "A church house, gin house / A school house, outhouse"

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> * The verbal component to _Irresistible Dance_ is not "Hey macarena"


You've clearly not been to any weddings recently.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> Oh, so there wasn't some sort of reference I was missing.


 It was a play on words based on the label in various permanent press clothing that says 

"Machine wash, Warm
Tumble Dry"

----------


## danielxcutter

> It was a play on words based on the label in various permanent press clothing that says 
> 
> "Machine wash, Warm
> Tumble Dry"


Ooooooooooh.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* may no longer try to pick a fight with the captain of the town guard, despite being offered money to do so by the matron of a wealthy family

** May not attempt to frame the burgermeister for the disappearance of a servant from one of the wealthy houses in town
(The party was not on board with my initiatives, so I have to figure out something else)

----------


## Telok

* My first & default response to missing a session should not be "TPK?"

----------


## noob

> * My first & default response to missing a session should not be "TPK?"


Maybe you ought to stop playing support characters that goes unnoticed until all the buffs and cc stops being active and everyone dies?
Or is the reason for tpks your voice not protecting your friends from suiciding their heroes?

----------


## Telok

> Maybe you ought to stop playing support characters that goes unnoticed until all the buffs and cc stops being active and everyone dies?
> Or is the reason for tpks your voice not protecting your friends from suiciding their heroes?


Its been both. Sometimes both at once. The sad bit is it happening often enough to become a habit.

----------


## Rater202

My Stand name cannot be "Chicken Attack," "Crashervania," or, "Starship Velociraptor."

----------


## TeChameleon

> My Stand name cannot be "Chicken Attack," "Crashervania," or, "Starship Velociraptor."


... I get the feeling that your GM is not entering fully into the spirit of JoJo-ness.  At this stage, I'd suggest consulting the discographies of Richard Cheese, Dr Demento, Weird Al, and Jonathan Coulton.  Surely something from there could get by your GM <.<

Also, Starship Velociraptor is a good song, and a _great_ Stand name.

----------


## Lvl45DM!

*I can't swipe the Eye of Vecna, put it in my Bag of Holding, and deliberately stab the bag to send the dang thing into the void between worlds

*I can't chop off a defeated undead's arm to use it to push a pressure plate
**If I do this, I absolutely cannot refer to it as my Thieves Ghoul
***I 100% cannot grab a few extra arms to sell as backscratchers

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Despite real world precedent I cannot sell the remains of undead monsters as fuel, medicine, or home decorations.

----------


## danielxcutter

> *I can't swipe the Eye of Vecna, put it in my Bag of Holding, and deliberately stab the bag to send the dang thing into the void between worlds
> 
> *I can't chop off a defeated undead's arm to use it to push a pressure plate
> **If I do this, I absolutely cannot refer to it as my Thieves Ghoul
> ***I 100% cannot grab a few extra arms to sell as backscratchers


Honestly considering Vecna doing that would probably end up sending it back to him.

----------


## Lvl45DM!

> Honestly considering Vecna doing that would probably end up sending it back to him.


This is pre-ascension Vecna. Just a powerful lich. He has no way of getting into the non-space

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not a Lamenter character the literal Last Lamenter, a good person and the 40k equivalent of Master Chief
** May not make a Flesh Tearer go so deep into the Black Rage that they loop around into quixotic heroism in their delusional belief that they are Sanguinius
*** This insanity may not make them more heroic and a better person than when they were sane.
**** "Grimdark flesh tearer don quixote" while fitting is a completely silly handling of the Black Rage. 
***** I have to do more space marine stuff than just Blood Angels.

----------


## TeChameleon

* The DM does not care if both of them deserve it and it's potentially hilarious, giving Orcus an involuntary eye transplant with the Eye of Vecna is a) a bad idea and b) not happening.

----------


## danielxcutter

Aside from "pissing them off" what does that actually do again?

----------


## Telok

> Aside from "pissing them off" what does that actually do again?


Well their weekly game of 'patty cake' probably gets pretty awkward. Poker night probably takes a hit too if Veccy can still see through the eye.

----------


## TeChameleon

> Aside from "pissing them off" what does that actually do again?


The Eye of Vecna gives the bearer access to a certain amount of Vecna's power, but, in return, opens up the wielder to Vecna's will (potentially).  Having Orcus with access to Vecna's power, and Vecna with access to Orcus' head... well, the results would likely be amusing, at least from outside the blast radius.

----------


## danielxcutter

> The Eye of Vecna gives the bearer access to a certain amount of Vecna's power, but, in return, opens up the wielder to Vecna's will (potentially).  Having Orcus with access to Vecna's power, and Vecna with access to Orcus' head... well, the results would likely be amusing, at least from outside the blast radius.


Is it just me or does outside the blast radius sound like start researching how to become a vestige?

----------


## Eldan

Yeah, I'd be heading to the Deep Shadow, or somewhere like that. I hear there's some pretty nice alternate cosmologies this time of the aeon.

----------


## Lord Torath

> The Eye of Vecna gives the bearer access to a certain amount of Vecna's power, but, in return, opens up the wielder to Vecna's will (potentially).  Having Orcus with access to Vecna's power, and Vecna with access to Orcus' head... well, the results would likely be amusing, at least from outside the blast radius.


* I may not seek refuge on Athas because The Black will keep out VecnOrcus.
** Athas should not be better than the rest of the multiverse.

----------


## danielxcutter

What's Athas again?

----------


## Lord Torath

> What's Athas again?


The planet where the Dark Sun setting is located.

----------


## noob

> * I may not seek refuge on Athas because The Black will keep out VecnOrcus.
> ** Athas should not be better than the rest of the multiverse.


Athas is a safer place than the forgotten realms because there is not 99999 tons of inconsistent content made by dozens of writers.
Now is it safer than ebherron? No clue.

----------


## danielxcutter

> The planet where the Dark Sun setting is located.


...Okay, what's the Black?

----------


## Lord Raziere

> ...Okay, what's the Black?


It is one of the two planes that touch Athas, it is a world of shadow similar to the Shadowfell except populated by halflings trapped there and separates everything that exists from everything that doesn't, underneath this realm lies Rajaat, the sorcerer responsible for a lot of genocide and turning Athas into a desert planet by inventing Defiling magic, imprisoned in absolute nothingness. This fate is completely deserved and no one misses him. 

* May not create 13 Orichalcum blades just to have something to use with Ophiochios, the art to wield a bunch of swords with my mind like its unlimited blade works
** May not combine Anima Beyond Fantasy martial arts with Exalted martial arts
*** Godhand is....maybe an excuse to do one punch man stuff but might not be
**** may not try to figure out way for my character to learn more Sidereal Martial Arts without a Sidereal master, while in another universe with no martial artists
***** the Eldar do not know any "Immaterial Martial Arts" nor are they sufficient replacements for Sidereals to learn Sidereal Martial Arts
****** Not even if they are just as manipulative, future-seeing, secretive and ninja-like as Sidereals.

* may not make a sword to cut love, make cuts empowered by love, or manipulate love in any way.
** Especially when I have charms inspired by Adorjan

----------


## Lord Torath

> Athas is a safer place than the forgotten realms because there is not 99999 tons of inconsistent content made by dozens of writers.
> Now is it safer than ebherron? No clue.


* May not point out that Dark Sun has had contradictory information since the publication of the third module, Arcane Shadows, and it only got worse with the release of the "Expanded and Revised Dark Sun Setting", let alone the publication of the "Tribe of One" and "Prism Pentad" series of novels.  And that was just during 2E AD&D.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> * May not point out that Dark Sun has had contradictory information since the publication of the third module, Arcane Shadows, and it only got worse with the release of the "Expanded and Revised Dark Sun Setting", let alone the publication of the "Tribe of One" and "Prism Pentad" series of novels.  And that was just during 2E AD&D.


** May not point out that whatever inconsistencies Dark Sun has, FR being the main world probably has worse ones because of sheer amount of more things published for it.
*** Or point out that Forgotten Realms IS technically more dangerous as a world that constantly experiences new cataclysms and changes the magic system all over again is in some ways less stable than Athas, which while a very bleak post-apocalyptic world, knows what dangers it has and how to deal with them
**** or that none of the sorcerer kings are as dangerous as an FR god, as they are statted at lower levels and are much more killable than some reality-warping deity that you can't realistically do anything about.

----------


## danielxcutter

> It is one of the two planes that touch Athas, it is a world of shadow similar to the Shadowfell except populated by halflings trapped there and separates everything that exists from everything that doesn't, underneath this realm lies Rajaat, the sorcerer responsible for a lot of genocide and turning Athas into a desert planet by inventing Defiling magic, imprisoned in absolute nothingness. This fate is completely deserved and no one misses him. 
> 
> * May not create 13 Orichalcum blades just to have something to use with Ophiochios, the art to wield a bunch of swords with my mind like its unlimited blade works
> ** May not combine Anima Beyond Fantasy martial arts with Exalted martial arts
> *** Godhand is....maybe an excuse to do one punch man stuff but might not be
> **** may not try to figure out way for my character to learn more Sidereal Martial Arts without a Sidereal master, while in another universe with no martial artists
> ***** the Eldar do not know any "Immaterial Martial Arts" nor are they sufficient replacements for Sidereals to learn Sidereal Martial Arts
> ****** Not even if they are just as manipulative, future-seeing, secretive and ninja-like as Sidereals.
> 
> ...


Oh huh. Wheres that Dark Sun lore from?

----------


## Lord Torath

*Spoiler: Off Topic Dark Sun discussion*
Show




> Oh huh. Wheres that Dark Sun lore from?


The lore about the Black and Rajaat and Co?

Rajaat was introduced in the [urlk=https://www.goodreads.com/series/41960-dark-sun-prism-pentad]Prism Pentad[/url], five novels by Troy Denning in which the mostly-unlikeable protagonists kill a fair number of the major threats of the region.

I think the Black was introduced in the Expanded and Revised Dark Sun Setting as a way of limiting travel to/from Athas via plane shifting (Planescape had recently been introduced), but I really don't know for certain.  It might have been in the Black Spine adventure.  They introduced The Gray at the same time, which, I think is where souls go, since the regular outer planes are more-or-less off limits.

My preference is to ignore the Expanded and Revised setting and everything that was published after that.  Let a PC Avangion _be_ the first one.  Let the _PCs_ take down the Big Bads of the setting, and keep the NPCs where they belong - in the pack ground or as antagonists, not protagonists.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> Oh huh. Wheres that Dark Sun lore from?


Defilers and Preservers: The Wizards of Athas. 1996. according to the wiki I got this from. so, pretty early fluff. 

* My character's goal may not be go around collecting cool WH40k weapons in the absence of anything better to do.
**  Nor they may their goal may be expanded to go around finding ridiculous old 40k tech
*** mostly because they are invariably some variation of old superweapon that causes a lot of destruction or suffering
**** May not dual-wield Eldar pistols that fire black holes at people like I'm a wild west gunslinger.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* my next superhero character may not be a literal fashion police
** My supervillain may not a grey spreading drab suit-wearer
*** May not tie up criminals with a gun that shoots sewing needles and string
**** or sticky paint that acts like glue to restrain them. 
***** or a gun to make them "too fashionable to do crime anymore"

----------


## danielxcutter

> * my next superhero character may not be a literal fashion police
> ** My supervillain may not a grey spreading drab suit-wearer
> *** May not tie up criminals with a gun that shoots sewing needles and string
> **** or sticky paint that acts like glue to restrain them. 
> ***** or a gun to make them "too fashionable to do crime anymore"


I think there's a _literal_ fashion police FPS video game that's being made, dunno if it's out yet or what. It's called Fashion Police Squad, your targets are fashion criminals that you attack with various weapons like a gun that can shoot or absorb color, and yes, there's a tailor weapon for fixing oversized suits that shoots needles.

----------


## thorr-kan

> I think there's a _literal_ fashion police FPS video game that's being made, dunno if it's out yet or what. It's called Fashion Police Squad, your targets are fashion criminals that you attack with various weapons like a gun that can shoot or absorb color, and yes, there's a tailor weapon for fixing oversized suits that shoots needles.


You know what?  If there's not a level where you're going up against Weird Al & Company in his Tacky video, I may lose all faith in humanity.

----------


## danielxcutter

> You know what?  If there's not a level where you're going up against Weird Al & Company in his Tacky video, I may lose all faith in humanity.


Eeeehhh, I dunno, it is a fictional setting. Might have a reference in the finished game though.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> I think there's a _literal_ fashion police FPS video game that's being made, dunno if it's out yet or what. It's called Fashion Police Squad, your targets are fashion criminals that you attack with various weapons like a gun that can shoot or absorb color, and yes, there's a tailor weapon for fixing oversized suits that shoots needles.


I know, that was inspired by it. world needs more fun ridiculousness like that. now that I can make that sort of thing myself, too much into edgy things.

* May not attempt to solve things through zombies
** or draining life force from people
*** or summoning demons
**** Look if you didn't want me to be an anti-hero trying to solve things with dark powers why did you give me the option?
***** may not summon an undead or demon army to defend a city from invaders if the city cannot muster enough forces to defend it.

----------


## danielxcutter

> I know, that was inspired by it. world needs more fun ridiculousness like that. now that I can make that sort of thing myself, too much into edgy things.
> 
> * May not attempt to solve things through zombies
> ** or draining life force from people
> *** or summoning demons
> **** Look if you didn't want me to be an anti-hero trying to solve things with dark powers why did you give me the option?
> ***** may not summon an undead or demon army to defend a city from invaders if the city cannot muster enough forces to defend it.


Ah. Did think it was too close to be coincidence.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

* Not allowed to make veiled tech puns (cats sending messages via the Feline Talking Protocol, aka eeek-mail[1]).
** Because my players don't get them.

[1] because that's what people say when they find dead rat corpses around. Cats send long-distance messages by killing small animals and embedding the message into the soul of the animal before sending it onward to appear in the person's dream to deliver the message. Sort of a macabre combination of _animal messenger_ and _dream_, but fatal for the messenger. The corpse shows up in front of the receiver after the dream. So when your cat delivers you a dead animal corpse, it means he got a message from another cat and now has to go take care of some business. Which mostly looks like him sleeping, but that's because he's actually prowling the Between for stray souls.

----------


## Bohandas

*May not cut spice melange with Tang to increase my profits

----------


## mjp1050

*May not send the two barbarians alone on a mission to subtly steal property deeds.
**May not make their secondary objective intelligence gathering. 
***May not make the rendezvous point a tavern or other location with easy access to alcohol.
****May not allow the barbarians to be arrested for killing dozens in an alcohol-induced rage.
*****May not forge the death warrants of said two barbarians once they're subdued and jailed.
******May not subject them to execution by mad scientist experimentation.
*******May not turn one of their heads into your homunculus.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> *May not cut spice melange with Tang to increase my profits


 Best post I have read all morning.  :Small Smile: 



> * Not allowed to make veiled tech puns (cats sending messages via the Feline Talking Protocol, aka eeek-mail[1]).
> ** Because my players don't get them.


 Or they just sat there, shaking their head, and said nothing because it was such a groaner.  :Small Wink: 
*Spoiler: And not the groaning pain is inflicted upon a wider audience*
Show

[1] because that's what people say when they find dead rat corpses around. Cats send long-distance messages by killing small animals and embedding the message into the soul of the animal before sending it onward to appear in the person's dream to deliver the message. Sort of a macabre combination of _animal messenger_ and _dream_, but fatal for the messenger. The corpse shows up in front of the receiver after the dream. So when your cat delivers you a dead animal corpse, it means he got a message from another cat and now has to go take care of some business. Which mostly looks like him sleeping, but that's because he's actually _prowling the Between for stray souls_. 
 _ prowling the Between for stray souls_  
* I may not type out all of the double entendres that I can make out of that.  :Small Eek:

----------


## danielxcutter

> *May not cut spice melange with Tang to increase my profits


Do I want to know what either of these are?

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> Do I want to know what either of these are?


Spice Melange is from Dune--a byproduct of the sandworm metabolism that produces prescient (aka seeing the future/past) visions in some people and is essential for that universe's space travel. It's also hideously expensive and restricted.

Tang is, well, a quasi-orange powdered drink product notable for being _almost_, but not really, like orange juice when reconstituted. From our reality.

----------


## danielxcutter

Does Spice actually taste like spice?

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> Tang is, well, a quasi-orange powdered drink product notable for being _almost_, but not really, like orange juice when reconstituted. From our reality.


 The space travel tie in is that it was used by astronauts. 
*Spoiler: Tang + space travel + melange spice references*
Show

Tang is an American drink mix brand that was formulated by General Foods Corporation food scientist William A. Mitchell[1] and General Foods Corporation chemist William Bruce James[2] in 1957, and first marketed in powdered form in 1959.[3][4] The Tang brand is currently owned in most countries by Mondelēz International, a 2012 North American company spun off from Kraft Foods. Kraft Heinz owns the Tang brand in North America.

Sales of Tang were poor until NASA used it on John Glenn's Mercury flight in February 1962,[5] and on subsequent Gemini missions.[6] Since then it has been closely associated with the U.S. human spaceflight program, which created the misconception that Tang was invented for the space program.[7][8]

----------


## Bohandas

> Spice Melange is from Dune--a byproduct of the sandworm metabolism that produces prescient (aka seeing the future/past) visions in some people and is essential for that universe's space travel. It's also hideously expensive and restricted.
> 
> Tang is, well, a quasi-orange powdered drink product notable for being _almost_, but not really, like orange juice when reconstituted. From our reality.


And they're both orange colored powders

----------


## Rockphed

> Spice Melange is from Dune--a byproduct of the sandworm metabolism that produces prescient (aka seeing the future/past) visions in some people and is essential for that universe's space travel. It's also hideously expensive and restricted.


Also highly addictive.  Also also, it renders its users immune to most poisons.  Also also also, it turns users eyes blue.

* Trying to get the PCs to retreat and regroup to move my grand vision of a story along will not work.

----------


## Bohandas

> Does Spice actually taste like spice?


I think the book described it as vaguely similar to cinnamon.

----------


## Rater202

I cannot use a solution of spice melange in Urkel's transformation chamber to permenantly unlock my prescience at full power.

----------


## TeChameleon

> I cannot use a solution of spice melange in Urkel's transformation chamber to permenantly unlock my prescience at full power.


* Furthermore, this is not to be referred to as 'getting a detached retina on my third eye'

* I am no longer allowed to ignore the DM's carefully-crafted 'possible TPK' trap with one class feature.
** well, okay, I am allowed, given RAW, just shouldn't gloat about it.

----------


## Bohandas

> I have joined the ranks of the FFRPeople  Here is my character.


**spambots are not "exactly the sort of thing that led the empire to outlaw thinking machines"

----------


## danielxcutter

> **spambots are not "exactly the sort of thing that led the empire to outlaw thinking machines"


***I may not put a Spamton G. Spamton expy into the game as an ancient monstrosity or whatever.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> **spambots are not "exactly the sort of thing that led the empire to outlaw thinking machines"


*** Or The Imperium of Mankind to declare it heresy
**** Mostly because humanity outlawed it before the Imperium was formed.
***** Though it unsurprising that the Adeptus Mechanicus would declare spambots heresy anyways.

* The Imperium may not resurrect console gaming from an STC
** The console may not be the Commodore 64
*** Yet somehow the only games on it may not be Call of Duty: Imperial Guard edition, FIFA M41, Adepta Sororitas Dating Sim, and Skyrim 
**** all these games may not somehow a competitive online scene with Imperial, Chaos AND Ork players somehow.
***** This console may not somehow use Wii motion controls for everything.

----------


## Personification

> **spambots are not "exactly the sort of thing that led the empire to outlaw thinking machines"


Did my (VERY outdated) signature accidentally trap a spambot? That's hilarious!

*I may not defeat robots using the Witchfinder Private Newton Pulsifer Existence Technique

----------


## DCraw

No matter what my necromancer, Birdshot C'Henny, may say, there are not "Known Gnomes" and "Known UnGnomes"

----------


## Tohron

> No matter what my necromancer, Birdshot C'Henny, may say, there are not "Known Gnomes" and "Known UnGnomes"


**Gnome Ann is not a Known Gnome

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> I think the book described it as vaguely similar to cinnamon.


* I may not refer to Paul Atriedes' younger sister as _A Cinnamon Girl_ Yes, a Neil Young ref  
** I may not refer to Danny DiVito (the actor) as a Roman Gnome-Man. Say that three times fast! 
*** I may not remind @Tohron that Gnome Ann is an island.

----------


## Rockphed

> No matter what my necromancer, Birdshot C'Henny, may say, there are not "Known Gnomes" and "Known UnGnomes"


** Ungnome unknowns is right out.

And "Known UnGnomes" are things like lich alchemists, right?

----------


## Personification

Gnome Ann is definitely a Gnome Unknown.

----------


## Bohandas

Obi-Wan's famous line at the climax of Revenge of the Sith was "I have the high ground" not "I'm so high"

----------


## dspeyer

* I may not play Gnome Ann
** Gnome Ann does not have time stop at will
*** Gnome Ann does not have frightful presence
**** Gnome Ann cannot overrule gods acting in their portfolios
***** Gnome Ann does not start the game with a +4 bonus to wis
****** Gnome Ann does not have unlimited-range teleportation
******* Gnome Ann cannot permanently destroy liches purely by injuring their bodies
******** Gnome Ann cannot catch bullets
********* Wounds dealt by Gnome Ann are not immune to mortal healing

----------


## Rater202

*"I was hoping his blood would cure my diabetes" does not adequately explain why I felt the need to kidnap Captain America.
**"I miss my raisin bran god damn it" is not a defense that will hold up in court.

----------


## DCraw

* Setting up our Yakuza Mr Johnson to take the fall for our screw up is fair game
** Calling him "Stumpy" on subsequent jobs is pushing it
*** I should not be surprised when Stumpy puts out a hit on our team
**** Mailing Stumpy the relevant missing digits from each of the formerly contracted runners is just adding insult to injury

Shadowrun can get DARK if you let it get out of hand...

----------


## Bohandas

*Being attacked with a cosh is not the most common danger in the non-euclidean city of r'lyeh
**nobody is a big enough math nerd to get that joke

----------


## dspeyer

*** No need to get hyperbolic about it

----------


## Socksy

**** Not allowed to derail the session into a discussion on catenaries. 

* I am not a modern major general, nor am I anything else with the same syllable pattern to it.

----------


## Bohandas

*Qui-Gon Jinn did not have a brother named Qui-Gon Tonic
**The name Qui-Gon is not latin for "a shape with an unknown number of sides"

----------


## Personification

> * I may not play Gnome Ann
> ** Gnome Ann does not have time stop at will
> *** Gnome Ann does not have frightful presence
> **** Gnome Ann cannot overrule gods acting in their portfolios
> ***** Gnome Ann does not start the game with a +4 bonus to wis
> ****** Gnome Ann does not have unlimited-range teleportation
> ******* Gnome Ann cannot permanently destroy liches purely by injuring their bodies
> ******** Gnome Ann cannot catch bullets
> ********* Wounds dealt by Gnome Ann are not immune to mortal healing


Addendum to point 1: Gnome Ann also does not have control water at will

----------


## Bohandas

*Drawing illustrations on a Cards Against Humanity game set does not make it a tarot deck
**A Little Boy Who Won't Shut Up About Dinosaurs does not symbolize reflection and contemplation
***It doesn't matter whether it's upright or reversed

----------


## Rockphed

> *Drawing illustrations on a Cards Against Humanity game set does not make it a tarot deck
> **A Little Boy Who Won't Shut Up About Dinosaurs does not symbolize reflection and contemplation
> ***It doesn't matter whether it's upright or reversed


**** No matter my divination score, I cannot foretell the future with a half complete phase 10 deck, only the green sorry pieces, and half a watermelon.
***** Replacing the watermelon with a pizza for the GM does not help.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* When someone tells this about their adventure
_"There was a Mindflayer sex dungeon"_
I must avoid jokes about a lady chicken with formal neckwear.

----------


## danielxcutter

> * When someone tells this about their adventure
> _"There was a Mindflayer sex dungeon"_
> I must avoid jokes about a lady chicken with formal neckwear.


It took me a couple seconds to put this together, and then the pun dealt me massive psychic damage :v

----------


## Personification

> **** No matter my divination score, I cannot foretell the future with a half complete phase 10 deck, only the green sorry pieces, and half a watermelon.


*****These are not the Holy Articles of the Oracles of the Green Goddess, she of the Dressing

Also, I know this is all jokes but I genuinely love the concept of this as the modern equivalent of runestones, bones, and a small animal sacrifice. Tarot cards genuinely were used as playing cards before they were used for divination, and I think a system built around tracing classic superstitious or fantastical objects to their root place and origin in society, and then replacing them with modern equivalents could be fun.

*I may not begin my campaign with "You all meet in an AirBnB"

----------


## Telok

> Also, I know this is all jokes but...


A number of things I've posted in thes threads aren't jokes.

Hmm... so what's the modern version of vampires (pick your fave myth version) and their garlic/wooden stake counter?

----------


## Telwar

> *I may not begin my campaign with "You all meet in an AirBnB"


**And I'm not allowed to have my party start at the Fyre Festival, announce that BP has drilled too greedily and too deep, woken something up, and now it's time to roll initiative.
*** Again.

----------


## Rockphed

> **And I'm not allowed to have my party start at the Fyre Festival, announce that BP has drilled too greedily and too deep, woken something up, and now it's time to roll initiative.
> *** Again.


**** Burning man is also banned as a starting location.
***** Gencon and Comic-Con are also banned.
****** Friend computer does not recruit at South-by-southwest (or south-abyss-out-hardy as auto correct tried to render it).
******* Starting call of cthulhu at an X-Files con is acceptable.

----------


## DCraw

> **And I'm not allowed to have my party start at the Fyre Festival, announce that BP has drilled too greedily and too deep, woken something up, and now it's time to roll initiative.
> *** Again.


**** Starting them as engineers on Deepwater Horizon doing said Greedy and Deep drilling is right out. 
***** May not also have them be in charge of the coverup.
****** Especially if the system is typically mundane only and does not deal with supernatural/occult/Lovecraftian Horror.

Now to pick a system...

----------


## Personification

> Hmm... so what's the modern version of vampires (pick your fave myth version) and their garlic/wooden stake counter?


Vampires work too well both transposed unaltered into modernity and as a raw metaphor to cleanly shift, at least in my mind. The modern vampire metaphors are so well drawn that to actually strip it of the vampireness just makes it the thing, and to make the thing a vampire just feels already done. I feel like I can't be more specific on certain points without getting political, so I'll leave it at that.




> **And I'm not allowed to have my party start at the Fyre Festival, announce that *BP has drilled too greedily and too deep, woken something up, and now it's time to roll initiative.*
> *** Again.


[Emphasis mine.] This is incredible, I need to use it somewhere.

*I really have to stop calling my university wizards' school
**I can stop citing Clarke's Third Law, they get it, it just isn't funny anymoreever.

*In discussing venues for my [relative]'s wedding, I have to stop responding to literally every instance of the word gazebo by gasping and saying "the Dread Gazebo!"
**Responding to discussion of a pavilion by asking "how many is a pavilion?", while certainly a more mainstream joke, is still not allowed

----------


## not_a_fish

* I may not suggest that dwarves have larval stages
** I may not suggest that dwarves lay eggs
*** I may not suggest that dwarves must perform a "mating dance" as part of the courtship process.
***I may no longer speculate on any part of dwarf* biology

*or elf or gnome or halfling

----------


## Socksy

> * I may not suggest that dwarves have larval stages
> ** I may not suggest that dwarves lay eggs
> *** I may not suggest that dwarves must perform a "mating dance" as part of the courtship process.
> ***I may no longer speculate on any part of dwarf* biology
> 
> *or elf or gnome or halfling


**** I may not imply any of the following are true about humans when speaking to non-humans.
***** Or when speaking to small human children.

----------


## Bohandas

> *Drawing illustrations on a Cards Against Humanity game set does not make it a tarot deck
> **A Little Boy Who Won't Shut Up About Dinosaurs does not symbolize reflection and contemplation
> ***It doesn't matter whether it's upright or reversed


****Similarly, there were no Cards Against Humanity cards in _Alice In Wonderland_
*****The beheadings were ordered by the Queen of Hearts, not by David Bowie Riding In On A Tiger Made Of Lightning
EDIT:
******Not even all standard playing cards were in that book
*******Alice did not fight The Joker

----------


## Socksy

* I am not a Strix who has a shotgun, fighting till the war's won, I don't care if Desna won't take me back.

----------


## Tohron

* My Cleric may not worship Pun Pun
** They may not freely choose from all domains in existence
*** They may not ask for obscure knowledge when praying
**** They definitely cannot ask for build advice

----------


## Rockphed

Outside of "Paranoia" or a cold war game I cannot have the enemy be communist infiltrators.
* "Infiltraitors" are not especially sneaky double agents.
** In a spy game my character should have some sort of skill that is directly applicable to covert operations.
*** Investing all my points in Profession (comic books), luck, and brawl does not make me Condorman.
**** Putting all my points in seduction does not make me Bond.
***** Taking boozer and fat as flaws is fine. Using the points to increase my seduction score is not.
****** I cannot spend all my build points on obscure central Asian languages for a game set in WW2 France.
******* If my character has a ship on his character sheet he should have some points put toward being able to either steer or maintain it, preferably both.

Don Knotts is not a character class.

----------


## Telok

> ******* If my character has a ship on his character sheet he should have some points put toward being able to either steer or maintain it, preferably both.
> 
> Don Knotts is not a character class.


Ship? That's what minions & hirelings are for. You don't need no stinkin lever flippin skills.

And you aren't trying hard enough with your character class.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> Outside of "Paranoia" or a cold war game I cannot have the enemy be communist infiltrators.


 yes you can. 



> **** Putting all my points in seduction does not make me Bond.


yes it does.  :Small Big Grin: 



> Don Knotts is not a character class.


 Hard to disagree with this.  :Small Cool:

----------


## Rockphed

> Ship? That's what minions & hirelings are for. You don't need no stinkin lever flippin skills.


Presumably you have spent build resources on said minions and/or hirelings, and the more you spend the more reliably they control/maintain the ship.  I am talking "roll on the Ulysses table whenever you use the ship" territory here.  "I take us out to sea!" leads to "you have entered the great sandy desert, which is 500 km from the nearest ocean."

----------


## Telok

> Presumably you have spent build resources on said minions and/or hirelings, and the more you spend the more reliably they control/maintain the ship.  I am talking "roll on the Ulysses table whenever you use the ship" territory here.  "I take us out to sea!" leads to "you have entered the great sandy desert, which is 500 km from the nearest ocean."


Depends on the game. Could be 1/7th of a character's background options in some, or just a share of money in others.

----------


## Rater202

My Bard Song cannot be "Do the Bartman" or "Time to do the Urkel."

----------


## Socksy

> "roll on the Ulysses table whenever you use the ship"


I would love to see (and use) such a table. I wonder if anyone has made it?

* All weird and unexpected time-consuming rules snares will be adjucated or handwaved by the GM during the combat and discussed/figured out properly after the session. Not the other way around.

----------


## Persolus

* My monk may not panic when faced with an unknown entity, claim it has to extremely problematic, talk myself and the party down into realising it can't be that bad, and then poke it.
** In an unrelated note, I cannot call off a tactical strike on a suspected Hag's hut and instead knock on the door.
*** In an also unrelated note, I cannot touch a dagger that can cut through solid rock and was left behind by an _extremely_ over-leveled Drow wizard that was going easy on us.
***(*) I cannot then test this dagger on party NPCs.
***(**) I cannot keep this dagger if it comes back when I throw it.
***(***) Especially if it doesn't read as magical but gives resistance to Necrotic damage.
**** In a further unrelated note, I cannot stand up for helpless old men who appear to have just had their friends slaughtered without verifying that they aren't part of a criminal organisation.

It's not my fault that Indiana Jones the DwarfTM is too darn good at guessing! ... but it is my fault for _second_-guessing.

----------


## Bohandas

*Emperor Palpatine did not learn the ways of the force from Tony Robbins
**UNLIMITED POWER!

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I may no longer fall asleep 2 hours and 45 minutes into our _Blades in the Dark_ session.  (On line play, time of sleep estimated as 10:20 PM).  
** Having to work the next day is no excuse. 
*** May not put off my note in discord asking "So, how did the Score end up" despite the ribbing I shall receive. 

*Spoiler: The Arggh factore*
Show

(Worst of all, I'd done a lot of the negotiating to get this job, our Score, and had passed the dangerous item to our Lurk who got a crit success to sneak into where we were planting it; as we waited for her to come out, one of the players went AFK, and I sort of relaxed ... and woke up to a blank Discord chat that said "Thanks for coming everyone, see you next session")

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not kill someone by summoning them from five seconds in the future to get hit by their own lethal attack, then start counting down.

----------


## ReallySeamus

I will not use "zesty" magic dirt from a teleportation circle as seasoning.

----------


## Bohandas

Jugglypuff does not evolve into Jigglypuffpuffpass

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not at super speed, steal a guy's armor then hit his pressure points a million times then examine the armor remarking on how fascinating it is, only for them to fall over dead and remark on how I ironically cannot say they are already dead because they are already dead.
** Nor can I fist of the north star the next guy as well, remember that I'm a necromancer, bring back their confused soul just to say "You are already dead" to them, then dismiss them to the afterlife.
*** May not point to a zombie and say "you are already dead", thus making the zombie realize "oh, your right I am" then fall over dead without me doing anything.

----------


## Rater202

When playing Mafia, I shouldn't immediately eliminate people on my own team.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* may not claim that the next game I run is "DnD Homebrew" and when they get there and I show them a book from another ttrpg, when they ask, answer: "I'm running homebrew DnD, by replacing all the rules with the ones in this book. I'm a very lazy homebrewer you see."

* may not bomb a bank wall to get inside
** may not fonz-fix a computer to unlock it
*** May not bat yarnbombs as baseballs with my baseball bat to attack cops
**** may not leave a yarn-bomb lying around only to trip on it and blow up the base again
***** may not blow up a cop for copping a feel of one of my party members
****** There is no such thing as "Dogspiracy" and it is not behind everything.

----------


## Bohandas

A whip-sword is not just a regular sword that needs viagra

----------


## Socksy

* Should remember that if our twin Hollow Ones tell the rest of the party (Tradition mages) that we used to be one person before the Awakening, they'll actually believe us.
** And want to do experiments.

----------


## TeChameleon

* After accidentally dealing between 1/2 and 1/3 of every single party members' HP in damage to the entire party thanks to an artifact weapon meeting an AoE damage reflect, the correct response is not 'do it again to see if it happens every time'.

** Continuing to muck about with the damage-reflecting dragon-golem is not going to have any positive results unless you actually _want_ a TPK.

*** Even if you're really, _really_ curious about what would happen if you sovereign-glued it to the floor to see where the reflected damage would go if it ripped its own limbs off.

* Should probably point out to the DM (eventually) that tough, nasty single enemies with mediocre CON saves are basically Stunning Strike fodder that will end up being helplessly beaten to death when there's a monk in the party.

* When there's an enemy that does ungodly amounts of poison damage, with a nasty poison DoT on top of that, the level 10 monk should probably do something more than just laughing at them.

** Should probably be a little more cautious about how much glee I show telling the DM 'no they don't' when he starts to describe an enemy doing something that splats facefirst into a monk ability that negates whatever they're trying to do.

----------


## DCraw

* It is generally assumed that the other half of Half-X races is "Human", not "Bard"

----------


## Telok

Possibly a soon to be "no longer allowed":

*A doom clock where my DM notes on start with "No clue how to fix. Hope players come up with something before setting is destroyed."

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* May not, when protecting the bones of Saint Andral, tell the (attractive and haughty) vampire seeking them that "I've got yer bone right here!" 
(The rest of the party seemed less than pleased with my lack of respect for the NPC)

** May no longer casually, when searching a house for a side quest item, ask the DM "as I open the dresser drawer, do I find any sex toys inside?" in an attempt at light humor.  *Spoiler: Ix-nay on the oys-tay*
Show

Final answer is "No, you'll never find sex toys in this campaign" 


*** Must resist "OK, can I craft a few?" as a response. Must Resist!
*Spoiler: Well, did you?* 
Show

Successful resistance roll made

----------


## D&D_Fan

As a DM, things I am not longer allowed to include:

* Making onhand references to 'Dora the Explorer' are explicitly banned.

* Making 4-dimensional dungeons is right out
** Same goes for 5-dimensional dungeons, of course.

* Players can no longer steal the souls of the homeless on the subway.
** Homeless people with personality disorders do not count as extra souls to sell to devils.

* Using the 'greased stairs trap' is considered "cruel and unusual"
** As is inflicting a 'spinal damage' injury.
*** Spikes and the bottom aren't helping according to latest poll.
**** The spikes were coated in purple worm venom as well, which is also a tad "unfair"

* Transmogrifying players' true form into chairs before turning them back to their starting race is forbidden.
** Especially when to will be coming into contact to antimagic, they will revert to being a chair, which is a tragedy.
*** It was right under a patch of wood-eating mold. RIP. To the player. And this genius trap, because I can't use it anymore.

----------


## LecternOfJasper

> *I may not defeat robots using the Witchfinder Private Newton Pulsifer Existence Technique


That being, Newton Pulsifer (just trying to help) noticed a squeaky bearing and suddenly all the robots have flown apart in a waterfall of hydraulic confusion?

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not steal an electric guitar weapon from an Ork
** May not learn musical martial arts from it
*** My reasoning for this may not be "Infernal Exalted are the rockstars of Hell, I have to learn how."
**** May not start singing anything by TM revolution or do anything Lang Wu Yao would do.

* May not cause a planetary revolution as a sidenote

----------


## Telok

If the ancient "kill all life" evil reawakened, a massive interstellar genocidal war,  a nanotech hive mind grey goo scenario, and a demon lord ascending to god-hood by eating 30 star systems billions of inhabitants, are the _least_ dangerous doom clocks going in the campaign...

Heck, I dunno anymore. That last set of players really had a bad habit of starting catastrophies and then running away. I hope the next group can do something about this mess.

I may no longer be allowed to have logical consequences to PC actions.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> If the ancient "kill all life" evil reawakened, a massive interstellar genocidal war,  a nanotech hive mind grey goo scenario, and a demon lord ascending to god-hood by eating 30 star systems billions of inhabitants, are the _least_ dangerous doom clocks going in the campaign...


* My reaction to this may not be a blase "huh, a high level Wh40k game, never thought that was possible without just destroying everything"
** my not suggest that these doom clocks fight each other to try and weaken them to make my job easier
*** May not bring in my godlike Jumper character with old planeswalker powers to fight these things
**** Or my ten thousand year old dragon artificer character
***** my dragonball z cyborg girl character who is completely pragmatic and will take whatever measures to destroy these threats to all life she can
****** May not suggest that the next PCs you recruit are in the superhero to godlike range of power. 
******* May not suggest a hyper-hacker to take control of the nanotech hive mind and angel to redeem the evil and demon lord with compassion to team up against the real threats.

----------


## TeChameleon

* If the party becoming... essentially nomadic Time Lords who can spank gods like naughty puppies, but who can't interact with the Prime Material too much without risking time itself dissolving like cotton candy under Niagara Falls and/or a mystic amnesia plague destroying all civilization is the logical outcome, it's hard to tell whether something has gone wrong or gone right.

* If the party keep causing calamities then running away, having one already happening when they arrive, but that's *still* their fault because they broke causality, is logical, but maybe a bit mean.

----------


## Telok

> * My reaction to this may not be a blase "huh, a high level Wh40k game, never thought that was possible without just destroying everything"
> ** my not suggest that these doom clocks fight each other to try and weaken them to make my job easier
> *** May not bring in my godlike Jumper character with old planeswalker powers to fight these things
> **** Or my ten thousand year old dragon artificer character.


Well its Dungeons th Dragoning 40k 7e sillyness, so not far off. Getting some of the doom clocks to interfere with each other is possible, but they're in different quadrants of the universe and once they're big enough to encounter one another they may be too much for anyone. Yeah, there's 25k year old dragon demi-gods around, one of the lesser dooms is scheduled to eat one of them and the space fleet provided by the others. They'll spend most of the campaign in regrouping & damage control.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> * May not steal an electric guitar weapon from an Ork
> ** May not learn musical martial arts from it


I mean, stealing a trog rocker's guitar will get you a front row view of some martial arts, musical or otherwise. But you'll probably have better success if you just ask them to teach you..

Of course trog rock is like MESSERKAMPF! on steroids.

* My Shadowrun character concept cannot be 'trog rocker who mistook Mr Johnson for their manager'.
** Modern trog rock does not feature trombones as vital instruments.
*** I'm not allowed to stick a shotgun in any other instrument, and I'm to stop trying.

...actually I can imagine an all-ork brass band. It would be completely amazing, by which I mean 'guaranteed tinnitus'.

----------


## Rockphed

> I mean, stealing a trog rocker's guitar will get you a front row view of some martial arts, musical or otherwise. But you'll probably have better success if you just ask them to teach you..
> 
> Of course trog rock is like MESSERKAMPF! on steroids.
> 
> * My Shadowrun character concept cannot be 'trog rocker who mistook Mr Johnson for their manager'.
> ** Modern trog rock does not feature trombones as vital instruments.
> *** I'm not allowed to stick a shotgun in any other instrument, and I'm to stop trying.
> 
> ...actually I can imagine an all-ork brass band. It would be completely amazing, by which I mean 'guaranteed tinnitus'.


Seventy-six trombones led the recent waaahg, with one-hundred-and-twelve coronets right behind...

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Seventy-six trombones led the recent waaahg, with one-hundred-and-twelve coronets right behind...


I was thinking more 'distract the security guards while you swipe the prototype', but yeah.

* There is no excuse for running a Scion/Shadowrun crossover.

----------


## Spore

> *There is no excuse for running a Scion/Shadowrun crossover.


** A Doctor Who/WH 40k crossover is RIGHT OUT.
*** Even if the Master would make an excellent leader for the Traitor Legions and demons from the Warp.
**** Maybe especially because the Master would ruin the stalemate between Chaos and Order.
***** No, BAD WOLF cannot be the the codename for a chapter of powerful Space Wolf psykers.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ** A Doctor Who/WH 40k crossover is RIGHT OUT.
> *** Even if the Master would make an excellent leader for the Traitor Legions and demons from the Warp.
> **** Maybe especially because the Master would ruin the stalemate between Chaos and Order.
> ***** No, BAD WOLF cannot be the the codename for a chapter of powerful Space Wolf psykers.


Eh, I think The Master is more likely to worm his way into the Administratum or the like, using his Time Lord knowledge to create false STCs and manipulate the Tech Priests. He's really good at abusing order (especially if you assume that The War Chief is an earlier regeneration, which isn't canon but just works).

And don't be silly, Space Wolves don't have psykers. They have Rune Priests  :Small Tongue:

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * If the party becoming... essentially nomadic Time Lords who can spank gods like naughty puppies, but who can't interact with the Prime Material too much without risking time itself dissolving like cotton candy under Niagara Falls and/or a mystic amnesia plague destroying all civilization is the logical outcome, it's hard to tell whether something has gone wrong or gone right.
> 
> * If the party keep causing calamities then running away, having one already happening when they arrive, but that's *still* their fault because they broke causality, is logical, but maybe a bit mean.


Wait, have you been watching our game that PhoenixPhyre DM's?  :Small Eek:

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> Wait, have you been watching our game that PhoenixPhyre DM's?


: Popcorn:

----------


## TeChameleon

> Wait, have you been watching our game that PhoenixPhyre DM's?


I was going to ask 'who's PhoenixPhyre', but they are apparently here with popcorn, so...

The first was something that actually happened in the campaign world that I have been playing in for nearly 20 years, the second was just my weird brain doing its thing.

----------


## Rater202

If I introduce a demonic catgirl by having her say "Pwease awow me to introwoduce myself..." I will be shot.

----------


## dspeyer

> If I introduce a demonic catgirl by having her say "Pwease awow me to introwoduce myself..." I will be shot.


Rate Two oh Two's a demon cat
He'll introduce himself
He's been around a long, long year
A cat of taste and wealth

----------


## Rater202

> Rate Two oh Two's a demon cat
> She'll introduce herself


"Rate Two oh Two" prefers He/Him pronouns.

Singular they is also acceptable.

----------


## dspeyer

Editted.

I was going off the description of the character as a "catgirl", but lacking the character's name...

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Editted.
> 
> I was going off the description of the character as a "catgirl", but lacking the character's name...


How dare you assume all catgirls fall within your gender binary!  :Small Tongue: 

* There should be at least one party member without a crippling drug addiction.

----------


## TeChameleon

> How dare you assume all catgirls fall within your gender binary! 
> 
> * There should be at least one party member without a crippling drug addiction.


* No, one character being catatonic from withdrawal instead doesn't help.

* 'Mysterious Character dropping from the sky who's actually a past character' becoming a cliche probably means we need to stop finishing one-shots by dropping random PCs out of airships.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> * No, one character being catatonic from withdrawal instead doesn't help.


Withdrawal? I've seen a Shadowrun character begin with thousands of doses of Novacoke, and take it every ten minutes. Sadly that player left before they suffered the consequences.

When I'm making characters I tend to default to taking one, but that's because it justifies having a supply of a legitimately useful item. A hermetic mage can really benefit from having Psyche on hand.




> * 'Mysterious Character dropping from the sky who's actually a past character' becoming a cliche probably means we need to stop finishing one-shots by dropping random PCs out of airships.


** The solution is not to throw the entire party out of the airship.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> I was going to ask 'who's PhoenixPhyre', but they are apparently here with popcorn, so...
> 
> The first was something that actually happened in the campaign world that I have been playing in for nearly 20 years, the second was just my weird brain doing its thing.


 The reason I ask is that our party (now level 12) has been going through these weird time bubbles for a lot of the campaign; we end up moving back decades or centuries, and dealing with strange stuff, and it does weird stuff to causality.  At one point, I had to ask the DM to sketch out a set of time lines because the bouncing from one to the other time frame was getting very confusing. And if we mess up, we get to sing that song by REM.




> * 'Mysterious Character dropping from the sky who's actually a past character' becoming a cliche probably means we need to stop finishing one-shots by dropping random PCs out of airships.


 We had a cameo appearance by a lvl 20 PC from our first campaign drop in, accompanied by a cat, two sessions ago.  We only knew who he was OOC, but he did what I expected him to do: wield the blade. And then he left, with that cat.

----------


## Spore

> Eh, I think The Master is more likely to worm his way into the Administratum or the like, using his Time Lord knowledge to create false STCs and manipulate the Tech Priests. He's really good at abusing order (especially if you assume that The War Chief is an earlier regeneration, which isn't canon but just works).


With what kind of bull**** torture engines the Imperium pushes out on the regular, I wouldn't put it past them to be manipulated. After all if the the Cybermen I mean Men of Iron were the reason for Mars for one transfiguring all their technological knowledge into religion and thus opening themselves to open manipulation by a technologically superior mind, which in turn feeds the Time Vortex I mean Eye of Terror to open into the Cicatrix Maledictum, that is exactly the kind of Chaos the Master would sow.

----------


## Wookieetank

> ** The solution is not to throw the entire party out of the airship.


***Jumping out paratrooper style, is also frowned upon
****Doesn't matter what national anthem you're singing while doing it.

----------


## danielxcutter

> With what kind of bull**** torture engines the Imperium pushes out on the regular, I wouldn't put it past them to be manipulated. After all if the the Cybermen I mean Men of Iron were the reason for Mars for one transfiguring all their technological knowledge into religion and thus opening themselves to open manipulation by a technologically superior mind, which in turn feeds the Time Vortex I mean Eye of Terror to open into the Cicatrix Maledictum, that is exactly the kind of Chaos the Master would sow.


From what I know about the setting, I wouldn't be surprised if the only issue would be his pawns getting executed for actually unrelated reasons.

----------


## Spore

> From what I know about the setting, I wouldn't be surprised if the only issue would be his pawns getting executed for actually unrelated reasons.


A plan going up in smokes because some of your cultists were executed for heresy?

*Exterminatus of Mars is not an option, not even for an Inquisitor.
** Doubly so if they claim to be influenced by some shady humanoid from beyond time and space.
*** The Master cannot be the 5th Chaos God Malice.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> From what I know about the setting, I wouldn't be surprised if the only issue would be his pawns getting executed for actually unrelated reasons.


Probably for nothing more than a misspelt name.




> A plan going up in smokes because some of your cultists were executed for heresy?
> 
> *Exterminatus of Mars is not an option, not even for an Inquisitor.
> ** Doubly so if they claim to be influenced by some shady humanoid from beyond time and space.
> *** The Master cannot be the 5th Chaos God Malice.


The amount of malice the Master has varies from incarnation to incarnation, so it doesn't quite fit. Honestly they doesn't really work that well as Chaos-aligned, the chaos they creates is in service of establishing a new Order with themself.

Weirdly, considering Chibnall bastardised the lore, it's technically possible the Doctor is one (they'd represent the ideas of curiosity and restlessness, they're not trying to take over the galaxy because they got bored, wandered off into a new universe, and accidentally trapped themselves in the form of a child). If you're going with this and the Chibnall retcons I'd argue that the Doctor and TARDIS are two parts of the same entity, which is the reason they always end up running off together.

----------


## danielxcutter

> A plan going up in smokes because some of your cultists were executed for heresy?
> 
> *Exterminatus of Mars is not an option, not even for an Inquisitor.
> ** Doubly so if they claim to be influenced by some shady humanoid from beyond time and space.
> *** The Master cannot be the 5th Chaos God Malice.


I mean a _completely irrelevant_ case of heresy. Or something else even dumber.

I mean, this is the setting where the Mechanicus executes xenos via slow conveyor belt into lava just because they can. Not even because it's efficient or whatever.

----------


## Spore

> I mean, this is the setting where the Mechanicus executes xenos via slow conveyor belt into lava just because they can. Not even because it's efficient or whatever.


It's almost like there are some powers behind the scenes who actively benefit from grimdark emotional states. 

*I shall not try to make sense of any gaming universes beyond their chosen tone because that would land me in an insane asylum pretty quickly.

But just this once...THE IMPERIUM IS STRAPPED FOR RESSOURCES ON ALL SIDES! They let entire planets and sectors fall to overwhelming Tyranid forces, yet the Mechanicum can do **** all they want? There's people dying on all worlds to grease the war machine of the Imperium but hey, the chief engineers have time to Rube-Goldberg aliens to death? WHAT KIND OF SENSE DOES THIS MAAAA...


The mind of this mortal has been taken over by Tzeentch. Please run along.

----------


## danielxcutter

> It's almost like there are some powers behind the scenes who actively benefit from grimdark emotional states.


Yeah, they're called Games Workshop.  :Small Tongue:

----------


## Rater202

*I cannot genetically engineer fast-growing trees with a wolverine-style healing factor and absurdly sturdy roots and then plant them on the properties of people who support deforestation efforts.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> *I cannot genetically engineer fast-growing trees with a wolverine-style healing factor and absurdly sturdy roots and then plant them on the properties of people who support deforestation efforts.


** Mainly because the Megas have already developed sufficiently powerful acid to melt them.

----------


## Personification

Unacceptable in-universe euphemisms for necromancer include (but are not limited to):
*Fan of the Cranberries
**Late riser
***Sponsor of infinite jest
****Wannabe Lara Croft
*****AMC executive
******Liliana cosplayer
*******Friend of Bernie
********Rude forumite
*********Edgar's tailor
**********Edgar Allen's tailor
***********Disco pioneer
************Philosophical raiser
*************Phenomenologist
**************Comeback kid
***************Calcium miner

----------


## danielxcutter

> *I cannot genetically engineer fast-growing trees with a wolverine-style healing factor and absurdly sturdy roots and then plant them on the properties of people who support deforestation efforts.


That unironically sounds like a Technocracy thing.

----------


## noob

> But just this once...THE IMPERIUM IS STRAPPED FOR RESSOURCES ON ALL SIDES! They let entire planets and sectors fall to overwhelming Tyranid forces, yet the Mechanicum can do **** all they want? There's people dying on all worlds to grease the war machine of the Imperium but hey, the chief engineers have time to Rube-Goldberg aliens to death? WHAT KIND OF SENSE DOES THIS MAAAA...


Did you consider that spending resources wastefully makes you more likely to be strapped for resources and so that this thing is logical?

----------


## Spore

> Yeah, they're called Games Workshop.


*May not introduced writers or developing studios as overdeities in my games.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* The backstory of the Tech Priests is not 'the Technocracy went mad when the public didn't get excited for science and began copying the Traditions'.
** The Emperor is not Caine.

----------


## TeChameleon

* I will no longer assume any kind of a baseline for player competency exists.  PCs will blitz through a dungeon that could kill a dozen Indiana Jones' like it wasn't even there, then reach the exit, trip, and drown in a puddle  :Small Confused: 

* Swim checks are the devil.

*EDIT*- No swim check involving a puddle has been called for in any game I have been involved in.  Nevertheless, swim checks are the devil.

----------


## Metastachydium

> * I will no longer assume any kind of a baseline for player competency exists.  PCs will blitz through a dungeon that could kill a dozen Indiana Jones' like it wasn't even there, then reach the exit, trip, and drown in a puddle 
> 
> * Swim checks are the devil.
> 
> *EDIT*- No swim check involving a puddle has been called for in any game I have been involved in.  Nevertheless, swim checks are the devil.


I'm surprised you're surprised. That's, like, one of the first ten great axioms regarding possible effects of the environment on PCs: _Water IS Death_.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* My demonic powers are not incompatible with pants.

----------


## Rater202

> * My demonic powers are not incompatible with pants.


*I am not allowed to say nothing regarding clothes just to see how long it takes the other players to realize that my monk is walking around naked.

----------


## danielxcutter

I'm pretty sure there actually are abilities and/or drawbacks that involve destroying your clothes. I think there's one ability in Princess: the Hopeful allowed to Dark creatures that makes you secrete acid from your skin... and burns off not only your clothes but also your hair.

Which in hindsight is weird because I get it destroying anything you touch, but hair is part of your body.

----------


## Metastachydium

> I'm pretty sure there actually are abilities and/or drawbacks that involve destroying your clothes. I think there's one ability in Princess: the Hopeful allowed to Dark creatures that makes you secrete acid from your skin... and burns off not only your clothes but also your hair.


You might remember the Bile Wrapped in Beauty from LA Assignment. The same's, like, half of its shtick _and for some reason it's OFFICIALLY playable_ (if you hate yourself enough).

Anyhow, characters that don't wear clothes are no big deal. I do that a lot, actually (mainly because I like to play birdies and little lizards and the like, but still).

----------


## danielxcutter

> You might remember the Bile Wrapped in Beauty from LA Assignment. The same's, like, half of its shtick _and for some reason it's OFFICIALLY playable_ (if you hate yourself enough).
> 
> Anyhow, characters that don't wear clothes are no big deal. I do that a lot, actually (mainly because I like to play birdies and little lizards and the like, but still).


I saw it on TvTropes and that sounds right, yeah. For what it's worth, Princesses are really not going to get access to it anyways unless something goes very wrong sooo...

----------


## Benoojian

*'Everyone else was doing it' is not an excuse to create undead and does not stop it from being an Evil act

----------


## danielxcutter

**Creating undead is morally neutral in recent editions of D&D

----------


## Rockphed

* "Any Evil you have to apologize for wasn't evil enough" is not a valid philosophy for my paladin.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I'm pretty sure there actually are abilities and/or drawbacks that involve destroying your clothes. I think there's one ability in Princess: the Hopeful allowed to Dark creatures that makes you secrete acid from your skin... and burns off not only your clothes but also your hair.


I mean, moving away from fan stuff, Werewolf has a good chance to end with destroyed clothing. You need to perform a rite on specific clothes in Apocalypse, another rite in Forsaken 1e*, and have the right Harmony score in Forsaken 2e.

* Which can still cause problems, because as written most characters will transform back both topless and commando.




> Which in hindsight is weird because I get it destroying anything you touch, but hair is part of your body.


I dunno, some people just don't like hair.




> Anyhow, characters that don't wear clothes are no big deal. I do that a lot, actually (mainly because I like to play birdies and little lizards and the like, but still).


It very much depends on genre, era, species, and which bits are or aren't covered. As the vast majority of my characters are human...

----------


## D&D_Fan

* You cannot persuade a rolling boulder to not crush you. It's a rock. It can't respond to your persuasion.
** You cannot deceive a rolling boulder into thinking you're actually it's cousin. It's a rock. Rocks don't have cousins.
*** You cannot intimidate a rolling boulder into running away. Even if it wanted to. Because of physics.
**** You cannot perform good enough to move a boulder. It's a rock. And you're not Orpheus.
***** You cannot persuade the god of the dead to not send you to hell. I mean, you can try, but the DC is too high for that to be a realistic possibility.

----------


## danielxcutter

Im 99% sure you can actually pull that off in Mage: the Ascension. (Not sure how that works in Awakening though.)

As for the last one, I assume youve never seen 3.x diplomancers.

----------


## Bohandas

*Victor Frankenstein's recurrent sudden losses of interest throughout the novel are not a metaphor for bad sex

----------


## Lord Raziere

> * You cannot persuade a rolling boulder to not crush you. It's a rock. It can't respond to your persuasion.
> ** You cannot deceive a rolling boulder into thinking you're actually it's cousin. It's a rock. Rocks don't have cousins.
> *** You cannot intimidate a rolling boulder into running away. Even if it wanted to. Because of physics.
> **** You cannot perform good enough to move a boulder. It's a rock. And you're not Orpheus.


***** Unless your an Exalted with like ridiculous amounts of Presence or Performance and Charisma, then yes your totally Orpheus and that rock will listen to you. 
****** Or a superhero who persuade meteors to not crash into the earth on the regular as if your some speech superman
******* May not invent rock and roll to make boulders dance at my concerts
******** or heavy metal to make suits of armor join in
********* sticks of bubblegum, candy or soda do not show up when I start playing pop music.

----------


## DCraw

> **** You cannot perform good enough to move a boulder. It's a rock. And you're not Orpheus.


The earthbenders from Shyamalan's abomination "The Last Airbender" would like a word with you.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> The earthbenders from Shyamalan's abomination "The Last Airbender" would like a word with you.


* May not create a magic curse that punishes anyone who references bad movies
** or a magic curse that punishes anyone every time they utter the words "demographic appeal", "profit", "monetization", "Microtransactions" or "nostalgia"
*** or a magic curse that punishes anyone they utter "Twitter" or "social media" in any context.
**** magic curse punishments may not include: helium voice, getting hit with pies, mean laugh track for the day only the speaker can hear, getting their hair turned pink and styled in pigtails, suddenly being dressed as a clown, being forced to wear a trollface mask until you go to sleep, being forced to dance, being forced to tell the truth for a day, being plagued by a goose, anything you write or type suddenly turning into a pink and cute font, or dreaming that your furniture all grow mouths and start saying "mefork!" at you in silly voices.
***** dance punishments may not include: gangnam style, the charleston, the macarena, spinning on your head, any dance from Peanuts, dabbing repeatedly, prisyadka, or the chicken dance.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> The earthbenders from Shyamalan's abomination "The Last Airbender" would like a word with you.


* I may never mention that I once legitimately enjoyed that film.
** Look, I hadn't actually seen the series...

* Making an alchemist is not an excuse to get addicted to as many drugs as possible.
** Especially not before the game starts.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I may no longer interfere with the mayor of a local town who abuses his citizens. 
** I may not threaten to take on the entire town guard and militia when they try to run me out of town *Spoiler: what?*
Show

I have to go along nicely because our paladin says so

----------


## not_a_fish

> * I may no longer interfere with the mayor of a local town who abuses his citizens. 
> ** I may not threaten to take on the entire town guard and militia when they try to run me out of town *Spoiler: what?*
> Show
> 
> I have to go along nicely because our paladin says so



Are we in the same campaign?

*My barbarian's alignment is Chaotic-Neutral, not Anarcho-Primitivist

----------


## Telok

> Are we in the same campaign?
> 
> *My barbarian's alignment is Chaotic-Neutral, not Anarcho-Primitivist


For many years I have not been allowed to define my character's alignment. 
* overly exuberant heroic, is not a d&d alignment.
* self-preservation fraudulent, is not a d&d alignment.
* double-agent scumbag, is not a d&d alignment.
* lawful lunatic, is not a d&d alignment.
* hot electric death, is not a d&d alignment.
* too sexy for alignment, is not a d&d alignment.
* i don't know, is not a d&d alignment.
* lazy murder hobo... is a d&d alignment but its still not allowed on my character sheet.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> Are we in the same campaign?
> 
> *My barbarian's alignment is Chaotic-Neutral, not Anarcho-Primitivist


 I don't know. Is your barbarian named Ormhildr?



> ...  is not a d&d alignment.


 Heh, you have evoked a memory. 
We had an assassin player in an AD&D 1e game who once said that his alignment was psychotic neutral. (think he was slightly buzzed at the time).  
The DM did a "wait, do you mean chaotic neutral" and then stopped.  
He broke into a grin. 
"Yes, you are psychotic neutral" 
(And he wrote down a note somewhere behind the screen)

----------


## not_a_fish

> I don't know. Is your barbarian named Ormhildr?
>  Heh, you have evoked a memory. 
> We had an assassin player in an AD&D 1e game who once said that his alignment was psychotic neutral. (think he was slightly buzzed at the time).  
> The DM did a "wait, do you mean chaotic neutral" and then stopped.  
> He broke into a grin. 
> "Yes, you are psychotic neutral" 
> (And he wrote down a note somewhere behind the screen)


Ha, no - my barbarian's called Fla'a. We just have similar issues with corrupt local officials distracting from the main quest.  In my case, it's the bard talking me down.

----------


## D&D_Fan

* Player characters are no longer allowed to own precious gem mines simply because they took the noble background and "it makes sense", this due to the inherent imbalance
(yes, I had a player pull this stunt to buy a ton of good gear early one, but they ended up getting kicked out for an unrelated reason which was PVP murderhoboing, which is somehow worse than regular murderhoboing since the problem player immediately tries to kill not only every NPC but every other PC as well.)

* Just because the DM used a shopping mall floor plan for a dungeon does not mean you can refer to the merchant NPC as "Mr. Sears." nor are you allowed to ask about the "Blue Light Special"
(Not everyone has enough time to make a detailed map, okay?)

*Dolphin as a player race is allowed but a very, very bad idea. Most locations can't be expected to cater towards those without any arms or legs. And good luck holding a longsword with flippers.

----------


## Bohandas

*There is not a Ninja Turtle named Bob Ross

----------


## Rockphed

> *There is not a Ninja Turtle named Bob Ross


Of course not: Bob Ross had an afro as his one defining trait and turtles do not grow hair.  Bob Ross is what Splinter would name a rat protege.

----------


## TeChameleon

* No, I may not have a ninja turtle named 'Salvador Dali' that's "Like Michelangelo, but on LSD instead of Weed"

* If a trap whose sole purpose was to allow some location flavour without needing to make up an extra map nearly claims half the party (as in, down to zero HP), it's hard to tell whether something has gone right or wrong.

----------


## Bohandas

> *There is not a Ninja Turtle named Bob Ross





> * No, I may not have a ninja turtle named 'Salvador Dali' that's "Like Michelangelo, but on LSD instead of Weed"


***May not create a mary sue Ninja Turtles fan character named Stable Diffusion who can do everything the others can but faster and better

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* My Strategist's method of destruction cannot be 'disintegrating pants'.

----------


## Eldan

> ***May not create a mary sue Ninja Turtles fan character named Stable Diffusion who can do everything the others can but faster and better


****May not have a Ninja Turtle called Jackson Pollock who uses an Uzi.

----------


## TeChameleon

> ***May not create a mary sue Ninja Turtles fan character named Stable Diffusion who can do everything the others can but faster and better


* There's already a robot Ninja Turtle named Metalhead, creating one called Dall-E is redundant.
** Creating two fan characters called Anish Kapoor and Stuart Semple who have their own vicious rivalry and don't care about what the rest of the Turtles are doing is mildly amusing, but not terribly useful.

----------


## noob

> ***May not create a mary sue Ninja Turtles fan character named Stable Diffusion who can do everything the others can but faster and better


****His only weakness might not be messed up hands.

----------


## Spore

> * There's already a robot Ninja Turtle named Metalhead, creating one called Dall-E is redundant.
> ** Creating two fan characters called Anish Kapoor and Stuart Semple who have their own vicious rivalry and don't care about what the rest of the Turtles are doing is mildly amusing, but not terribly useful.


*** May not introduce an episode where Anish Kapoor is allied with the shredder to line New York city's pools with Vantablack so they heat up enough the chlorine will seep into the sewers to kill the TMNTs in some cruel WW 1 warfare style.
**** Even if the episode twist would be Semple tricking humans to use his version of black that is far less dangerous but still heats up like crazy creating the turtle death trap.
***** The morale may not be: "don't be prideful, or else your friends will die a cruel death." even if appropriate.

----------


## Personification

> ***May not create a mary sue Ninja Turtles fan character named Stable Diffusion who can do everything the others can but faster and better


****They also can't be a villain with the Amazo/Taskmaster/Learnerer powerset
*****I may not use this thread to shoehorn in references to WordGirl

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ****They also can't be a villain with the Amazo/Taskmaster/Learnerer powerset


***** Taskmaster powers are not the ability to force five comedians to perform strange tasks under an arbitrary time limit.

----------


## Rater202

> ****They also can't be a villain with the Amazo/Taskmaster/Learnerer powerset
> *****I may not use this thread to shoehorn in references to WordGirl


The Taskmaster powerset is kind of a trap. It sounds cool on paper but the side effects are guaranteed death of personality.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> The Taskmaster powerset is kind of a trap. It sounds cool on paper but the side effects are guaranteed death of personality.


I'm not sure becoming Greg Davies is necessarily a downside...

----------


## TeChameleon

> The Taskmaster powerset is kind of a trap. It sounds cool on paper but the side effects are guaranteed death of personality.


Not to mention that you don't even need to think as hard about them as most superpowers for them to make no sense- he's claimed he learned to fight 'like Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan' from their movies... so, he knows how to carefully swing near a stuntman so that it looks like he decked them from the right angle?

And perfectly mimicking the moves of somebody who's not the same height or build as him... I mean, I'm no expert on anatomy and physiology, but wouldn't that turn him into a whimpering heap of torn ligaments and pulled muscles in fairly short order..?

*EDIT*- I'm weirdly amused that my dumb joke about art-world drama landed...

----------


## Mandark

*Am not allowed to create a Lich named Anish Kapoor just so the party can destroy him multiple times in ever more creative and petty ways with the Bean.
**Without letting them know where his phylactery is.
***Because we don't need more than one undead Jerkwad artist creator of the Bean in the multiverse. EVER.
****Obligatory fork Anish Kapoor

----------


## danielxcutter

Do I want to know the context for this?

----------


## D&D_Fan

* It is an AWFUL idea to give an atomic weapon to a random beggar outside of a tent on the side of the road.
**Seriously, why did you do this. You could have sold it for money if you don't want it. He just wanted food.
***If that nuke goes off, it's taking an entire village with it + the entire surrounding region.

----------


## Telok

* While my PC is spending time dead for tax reasons, I may no longer so successfully play the characer's imp familiar as to get multiple party members to make infernal pacts with it and deck it out in PC levels of magical equipment.

** I may not tempt the DM with turning in my PC's sorcerer levels and nominally good alignment in exchange for the imp getting upgraded to a more powerful devil.

*** I may not ask to just play the imp instead and leave the PC dead.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I may no longer try to dispel the simulacrum of the King with his son, and his minister of defense, looking on during the King's (well, the simulacrum's) long, boring, and rambling speech1
** I may no longer tell the minister of defense that he's a freaking moron to his face in front of a room full of others, even though I am right. 
*** I may no longer kill the sleeper agent with whom the minister of defense was sleeping2 
**** I may not, and did not, shoot the deputy.

1 *Spoiler: how did it go?*
Show

(I failed the roll) 

2 *Spoiler: why?*
Show

... because she's dead already, by my hand, and I called him out for a fool.

----------


## tyckspoon

> Do I want to know the context for this?


So, ok, in the mid 2010s the formula for a pigment called 'Vantablack' was found. You may have run into articles about it, probably with references to 'How much more black can it be?' in the title - it's so efficient at capturing light that objects painted with it look like holes in existence, like 3D silhouettes left behind where somebody deleted something from the universe's canvas. This is Really Cool, and a lot of artists want to play with it.

Enter Anish Kapoor. Anish Kapoor manages to get the inventor/patent holder of Vantablack to give him exclusive license to use the pigment. Which means nobody other than Anish Kapoor can, legally, experiment with it or make use of it in artworks. This is widely regarded as a **** Move.

Enter Stuart Semple (and friends and business associates, but Stuart is the name and face attached to the company.) He took that personally, and eventually found a formula for a very similar level of black that was distinct enough from Vantablack to not break its patent and licensing terms. This is marketed as 'Black 2.0' (and later refined further to Black 3.0.) Black 2.0 and 3.0 are available for general sale to everybody. Unless the everybody you are happens to be Anish Kapoor. The shop page for Black 2.0 and 3.0 specifically forbids Anish Kapoor from purchasing it or anybody else purchasing it on his behalf.

----------


## Bohandas

What's the "bean" thing about though?

----------


## Rockphed

> What's the "bean" thing about though?


I think that is about the mirrored sculpture in Chicago. It looks like a chrome bean. I think Anish Kapoor made it. It isn't actually named "The Bean", but everyone calls it that. He supposedly hates it. He just sounds like a lovely person, no?

* Toddlers do not have super powers. They cannot move especially fast, are not particularly stealthy, and are not strong even for their body weight. Toddlerman is a bad idea for a superhero.

----------


## TeChameleon

> Do I want to know the context for this?


Tyckspoon has the right of it- here (apologies for the cheezburger link, it was the most convenient one I could find) covers things in a little more detail; Anish Kapoor is a fantastically wealthy elitist douche, and Stuart Semple seems to have made it his life's goal to a) make awesome art supplies and b) piss Anish Kapoor off in amazingly petty ways while doing so.  

In short, _nobody_ does drama like artists.

----------


## Pauly

> * Toddlers do not have super powers. They cannot move especially fast, are not particularly stealthy, and are not strong even for their body weight. Toddlerman is a bad idea for a superhero.


** If the DM is a parent they will recognize these powers as legitimate superpowers and suggest additional powers such as deception by laughing and acting cute, ear drum shattering screams and power vomiting at will.

----------


## Pauly

> ***** Taskmaster powers are not the ability to force five comedians to perform strange tasks under an arbitrary time limit.


***** Nor is it the ability to write tasks in such a way that only the cleverest comedians can find a loophole to exploit.

----------


## Wookieetank

> ** If the DM is a parent they will recognize these powers as legitimate superpowers and suggest additional powers such as deception by laughing and acting cute, ear drum shattering screams and power vomiting at will.


***Not to mention: oblivious to danger, extraordinary (if selective) hearing, ridiculous amounts of endurance for physical activities, and fantastic memory pertaining to things they've been told will happen.
****May not speculate on who would win in a Toddlerman vs Floridaman matchup.

----------


## TeChameleon

* If, courtesy of what was essentially a timestop in grenade form, a roomful of enemies is about to be hit by an insane simultaneous barrage of fireballs, eldritch blasts, javelins, crossbow bolts, thrown knives, and an angry parrot to the face, the angry parrot should not be the most dangerous of the batch.

** When the large, complicated boss encounter is erased in two rounds (one of them being a surprise round), jokes about a sudden influx of confused people into the Nine Hells are in slightly poor taste.  Still funny, though.

----------


## D&D_Fan

* While it sounds like a good idea, actually giving players a fight against enemies that are actually smart will end in a TPK. It's not your fault your players aren't very clever, you just need to accommodate that.

** To be fair, the enemies used were imperial Jedi hunters and they knew how to combat most of what the party Jedi could throw at them.

*** But even the non-Jedi party members weren't helpful. One of them literally electrocuted himself, and another was fell to her death a la Darth Sidious in Episode 6

**** The Jedi party member was the opposite of helpful because he destroyed the floor which resulted in the afformentioned falling death.

***** Last time I run a starwars game. Next time magic space wizards are banned.

----------


## Personification

> * While it sounds like a good idea, actually giving players a fight against enemies that are actually smart will end in a TPK. It's not your fault your players aren't very clever, you just need to accommodate that.
> 
> ** To be fair, the enemies used were imperial Jedi hunters and they knew how to combat most of what the party Jedi could throw at them.
> 
> *** But even the non-Jedi party members weren't helpful. One of them literally electrocuted himself, and another was fell to her death a la Darth Sidious in Episode 6
> 
> **** The Jedi party member was the opposite of helpful because he destroyed the floor which resulted in the afformentioned falling death.
> 
> ***** Last time I run a starwars game. Next time magic space wizards are banned.


Well, if it was Star Wars, that's basically enforced. Star Wars villains are always dumb (except Thrawn, who could probably create many a TPK, which only supports the point).

----------


## Bohandas

*The Deep Ones may not attempt to entice the investigators to join their side with a rousing rendition of "Under The Sea"

----------


## Telwar

> *The Deep Ones may not attempt to entice the investigators to join their side with a rousing rendition of "Under The Sea"


And the Shoggoth is certainly not allowed to sing harmony with itself.

----------


## Tohron

* The Bard cannot make everyone immune to fear effects by playing Yakety Sax
** Where did they get that saxophone anyway?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* Vuvuzela proficiency DOES allow me to play the kazoo.
** If it ever becomes relevant I am to stop arguing against it.
*** I am to stop trying to find the most impractical combination of proficiencies possible.

----------


## Lord Torath

> So, ok, in the mid 2010s the formula for a pigment called 'Vantablack' was found. You may have run into articles about it, probably with references to 'How much more black can it be?' in the title - it's so efficient at capturing light that objects painted with it look like holes in existence, like 3D silhouettes left behind where somebody deleted something from the universe's canvas. This is Really Cool, and a lot of artists want to play with it.
> 
> Enter Anish Kapoor. Anish Kapoor manages to get the inventor/patent holder of Vantablack to give him exclusive license to use the pigment. Which means nobody other than Anish Kapoor can, legally, experiment with it or make use of it in artworks. This is widely regarded as a **** Move.
> 
> Enter Stuart Semple (and friends and business associates, but Stuart is the name and face attached to the company.) He took that personally, and eventually found a formula for a very similar level of black that was distinct enough from Vantablack to not break its patent and licensing terms. This is marketed as 'Black 2.0' (and later refined further to Black 3.0.) Black 2.0 and 3.0 are available for general sale to everybody. Unless the everybody you are happens to be Anish Kapoor. The shop page for Black 2.0 and 3.0 specifically forbids Anish Kapoor from purchasing it or anybody else purchasing it on his behalf.


On the other hand, as I understand it, the formula for VantaBlack is fairly toxic, while Black 2.0 and 3.0 are much more environmentally friendly.  So I'm pretty okay with VantaBlack being off limits.  Kapoor's still a jerk, though.

----------


## Rater202

My powers can't be "basically, I'm cancer scaled up to human size."

----------


## Lord Raziere

* My powers can't be "I'm a mirror demon that copies peoples everything then does being that person better than them".
** or "know all the things that never happened and pull things from possibilities that never were."
*** or "maw-demon that turns fists and body into all devouring mouths that devours anything both physical and abstract"
**** or "fall in love with people to teach or kill them better while turning into a crimson wind all so I can free people"
***** or "become radioactive demon of brass who commands everyone by shouting in rage"

* May not combine tyranids, xenomorphs and zerg and become the humanoid hive queen of the result
** May not add the Vord to this
*** or any other hive mind or swarm of alien locusts

----------


## Metastachydium

> My powers can't be "basically, I'm cancer scaled up to human size."


Huh? Cancer is ultimately a pathological condition where the cells of an organism (or, rather, various subsets of these cells) begin to proliferate in an uncontrolled and unchecked fashion. You want to be a human body that grows into an uncomely, misshapen ball of human bodies whether you want that or not? How's that a power?

----------


## Lord Raziere

> Huh? Cancer is ultimately a pathological condition where the cells of an organism (or, rather, various subsets of these cells) begin to proliferate in an uncontrolled and unchecked fashion. You want to be a human body that grows into an uncomely, misshapen ball of human bodies whether you want that or not? How's that a power?


Y'know Deadpool and how he regenerates like Wolverine? Yeah, thats actually canonically supercancer made from regular cancer because superhero comics science loves making problems worse. Since Rater is a big Marvel fan, that is probably what he is thinking of.

* May not have the power of the Antimeme
** may not use it to erase reaction content, thus collapsing vast parts of the internet into shambles

----------


## DCraw

> Huh? Cancer is ultimately a pathological condition where the cells of an organism (or, rather, various subsets of these cells) begin to proliferate in an uncontrolled and unchecked fashion. You want to be a human body that grows into an uncomely, misshapen ball of human bodies whether you want that or not? How's that a power?


Haven't you seen Akira? It may not be a particularly useful power, but blobbing out is definitely an incredibly destructive one.




> * The Bard cannot make everyone immune to fear effects by playing Yakety Sax
> ** Where did they get that saxophone anyway?


*** A bad vocalisation cover of Yakety Sax is not the Verbal component of Expeditious Retreat.

----------


## danielxcutter

* The Unconquered Sun did not have twintails or was actually called the Unconquered Tsun

----------


## Metastachydium

> Haven't you seen Akira? It may not be a particularly useful power, but blobbing out is definitely an incredibly destructive one.


I don't doubt that. It's just _The_ main feature of cancer is that it's _not_ under control.




> Y'know Deadpool and how he regenerates like Wolverine? Yeah, thats actually canonically supercancer made from regular cancer because superhero comics science loves making problems worse. Since Rater is a big Marvel fan, that is probably what he is thinking of.


Hrm. That is possible. Anyhow, if you'll need me in the next few hours, I'll be right there, murdering catgirls.

----------


## danielxcutter

Not making sense is half the fun, like full-body conversion cyborgs with psychic powers and mullets.

----------


## D&D_Fan

> My powers can't be "basically, I'm cancer scaled up to human size."


Basically, just a mutant who's really good at getting food and reproducing then?

Cancer can be thought of as cells mutating in such a way that they get an advantage over other cells. And that normally represents an upset in any ecosystem, but it's when that ecosystem is a body, that that body gets pretty messed up.

----------


## Rater202

> Huh? Cancer is ultimately a pathological condition where the cells of an organism (or, rather, various subsets of these cells) begin to proliferate in an uncontrolled and unchecked fashion. You want to be a human body that grows into an uncomely, misshapen ball of human bodies whether you want that or not? How's that a power?


Cancer cells are hard to kill, very good at getting resources, have no limits on how they grow, and are highly prone to mutations that, at the cellular level, are highly benificial to the cancer(but not anything else.)

It'd defintely be a lovecraftian super power, but it'd be useful.



> Y'know Deadpool and how he regenerates like Wolverine? Yeah, thats actually canonically supercancer made from regular cancer because superhero comics science loves making problems worse. Since Rater is a big Marvel fan, that is probably what he is thinking of.


Not quite: What happened was they spliced him with a modified version of Wolverines X-Gene complex in the hopes that the healing factor would kill the cancer... Unfortunately, some of his cancer cells also got the mutant DNA.

So Wade's healing factor is constantly suppressing a cancer that keeps spreading too rapidly to be destroyed and is contantly mutating to resist the effects of the healing factor, which in urn keeps adapting o combat the cancer.

At this point, his system is so adapted to fighting cancer that he needs cancer to live. Cure his cancer and his healing factor doesn't know how to tunr off anymore so he'd just start growing misshapen lumps of tissue that isn't _technically_ cancer but would kill him just the same.

And for the record, I was thinking of the Cancer Cell in _Cells at Work._

...Which is a _weird_ show. Like, mother**** I don't want to_ feel bad_ for cancer. That son of a bitch killed my dad.

----------


## Metastachydium

> Cancer cells are hard to kill, very good at getting resources, have no limits on how they grow, and are highly prone to mutations that, at the cellular level, are highly benificial to the cancer(but not anything else.)
> 
> It'd defintely be a lovecraftian super power, but it'd be useful.


I remain skeptical. For starters, being unchecked is pretty much _the_ thing of cancer. And if you do it at "human" rather than cellular scale, that's a recipe for body horror. Further, cancer is self-defeating. It sabotages and ultimately destroys the organism it requires to exist and prosper. It's good at diverting resources to fuel its spread, but those resources have to come from somewhere and the tumor tissue is unable to produce them.




> At this point, his system is so adapted to fighting cancer that he needs cancer to live. Cure his cancer and his healing factor doesn't know how to tunr off anymore so he'd just start growing misshapen lumps of tissue that isn't _technically_ cancer but would kill him just the same.


It _is_ technically cancer. Cancer's not a specific disease. If, for whatever reason, malignant tumors begin to develop in a body, that's cancer, irrespective of what kicked in the carcinogenesis.

----------


## Rater202

> It _is_ technically cancer. Cancer's not a specific disease. If, for whatever reason, malignant tumors begin to develop in a body, that's cancer, irrespective of what kicked in the carcinogenesis.


It's not "technically" cancer because a cure for cancer wouldn't fix it.

Like, explicitly: There are several universal cures for cancer, that is to say, they cure all cancers not just one specific kind, in the Marvel Universe and giving one to Wade wouldn't fix the problem with his healing factor.

Norman Osborn once created a cancer curring weapon specifically to use against Deadpool.

----------


## Metastachydium

> It's not "technically" cancer because a cure for cancer wouldn't fix it.
> 
> Like, explicitly: There are several universal cures for cancer, that is to say, they cure all cancers not just one specific kind, in the Marvel Universe and giving one to Wade wouldn't fix the problem with his healing factor.
> 
> Norman Osborn once created a cancer curring weapon specifically to use against Deadpool.


Hrm. This is gonna be a long day. That, and a hard day to be a catgirl. More pertinently, if it's unchecked abnormal proliferation producing malignant tumors, then yes, it is pretty much _per definitionem_ cancer. That the multiple "universal cures" don't work merely means that those cures are not universal after all. I mean, that's like arguing "no aircraft can fly faster than Mach 1; the Lockheed Blackbird can, and therefore it's not an aircraft".

----------


## D&D_Fan

* Sickle cell, haemophilia, Alzheimer's, and color blindness, though they can result from genetic deviation and mutation, are not considered mutations for the purpose of attending the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters.

----------


## Rater202

> Hrm. This is gonna be a long day. That, and a hard day to be a catgirl. More pertinently, if it's unchecked abnormal proliferation producing malignant tumors, then yes, it is pretty much _per definitionem_ cancer. That the multiple "universal cures" don't work merely means that those cures are not universal after all. I mean, that's like arguing "no aircraft can fly faster than Mach 1; the Lockheed Blackbird can, and therefore it's not an aircraft".


...

Does cancer make you explode like someone stuffed a firecracker in balloon full of assorted meats?

Because that's the key difference.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> ...
> 
> Does cancer make you explode like someone stuffed a firecracker in balloon full of assorted meats?
> 
> Because that's the key difference.


I'm sure it would if you got enough of it fast enough. I'm sure white blood cells would do the same if you got enough of them fast enough. I'd also really like to know where Deadpool is getting the energy for this cansplision from, besides 'comic book physics'.

The way people think of cancer, including writers, isn't really entirely consistent with what cancer is. We have cures for cancer in the real world right now, what we don't have is perfectly safe and reliable cures for cancer.

Plus the Marvel Universe only has 100% reliable cures for cancer when a major hero doesn't have to die from it.

----------


## Rater202

> I'd also really like to know where Deadpool is getting the energy for this cansplision from, besides 'comic book physics'.


An extradimensional connection siphoning the cosmic energy of the celestials and processing it to warp reality in a way that manifests through his biology.




> Plus the Marvel Universe only has 100% reliable cures for cancer when a major hero doesn't have to die from it.


It's more that they're costly and not available to the public, or they're being hoarded for some reason.

Or someone's just being an *******: Doctor Strange once managed to get his hands on an elixir that cures all diseases and it got stolen from him and destroyed by a drug company that felt that their bottom line was more important than countless people's lives.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> An extradimensional connection siphoning the cosmic energy of the celestials and processing it to warp reality in a way that manifests through his biology.


*Besides* 'comic book physics'. Like, an explanation that makes something vaguely resembling sense.




> It's more that they're costly and not available to the public, or they're being hoarded for some reason.
> 
> Or someone's just being an *******: Doctor Strange once managed to get his hands on an elixir that cures all diseases and it got stolen from him and destroyed by a drug company that felt that their bottom line was more important than countless people's lives.


'Because the writers won't let the surface setting deviate too much from reality'. Got it.

Also if Captain Britain needs to die from cancer for a writer's storyline you can pmbet your socks that the cures suddenly aren't 100% reliable.

----------


## tyckspoon

> *Besides* 'comic book physics'. Like, an explanation that makes something vaguely resembling sense.


.. you have to already know that 'justify mutants to me, but stay within the realm of actual real things' is a fool's errand. It's not going to happen - the actual in world explanation for how 'mutants' work is 'they were genetically modified to give them access to a supernatural power source.' It's turtles all the way down from there.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> *Besides* 'comic book physics'. Like, an explanation that makes something vaguely resembling sense.


he's draining magic energy from star gods made of hyper-technology to heal magically. this is kind of explanation you get when too many nerds over decades point out all the other explanations don't scientific sense and the writers just want them to shut up already and enjoy the comic. 

* My superhero may not be powered by soda
** Their powers may not depend on which soda they consume
*** Their story may not be about how they to deal with an addiction to soda as a result of their powers
**** Or deal with having to hide their need for soda so that corporations don't find out and try to make deals with the hero, not wanting to sell out to them.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> .. you have to already know that 'justify mutants to me, but stay within the realm of actual real things' is a fool's errand. It's not going to happen - the actual in world explanation for how 'mutants' work is 'they were genetically modified to give them access to a supernatural power source.' It's turtles all the way down from there.


Ah, you see, that explanation makes a lot more sense. Also Rated has a tendency to jump to explanations involving a lot of in-world terminology, when I'm still not 100% certain on mutants vs mutates.

I'm not looking for hard science, I'm looking for something I can follow, like 'werewolves change mass when shifting because they swap shapes with ones stored in their aura. If you can see auras you'll notice theirs waxes and wanes in intensity inversely to their current mass. Also they're really bright, shifter auras are easy to spot'.




> he's draining magic energy from star gods made of hyper-technology to heal magically.


Now that makes perfect sense!

----------


## Rater202

> Ah, you see, that explanation makes a lot more sense. Also Rated has a tendency to jump to explanations involving a lot of in-world terminology, when I'm still not 100% certain on mutants vs mutates.


Originally it was "naturally has power" versus "gained powers from accident or experimentation."

Charles Xavier was born telepathic, Spider-Man only has powers because of the radioactive spider bite.

Once superhuman biology became better understood, the definitions were revised so that mutants were people who manifested powers or physical changes as a result of the expression of the X-Gene complex while mutates were people who manifested powers as a result of _other_ genetic or biological factors, which could be inborn(the Gamma Gene) or artificially induced(the mutations caused by the Goblin Formula.)

There are a whole bunch of other small details that add up to "you know, mutants being their own species makes whole lot more sense now than it did int he sixties" but if I listed them all we've be here all day.

----------


## Spore

> * Sickle cell, haemophilia, Alzheimer's, and color blindness, though they can result from genetic deviation and mutation, are not considered mutations for the purpose of attending the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters.


This comes to mind.

*Spoiler*
Show

"Finally, a cure for my chainsaw hands!" decreed Chainsaw-Hands Joe.
"Shut up, we're perf." says girl who makes clouds.

----------


## Rater202

> This comes to mind.
> 
> *Spoiler*
> Show
> 
> "Finally, a cure for my chainsaw hands!" decreed Chainsaw-Hands Joe.
> "Shut up, we're perf." says girl who makes clouds.


I always hate that response to the idea of mutant cures.

Even ignoring how that movie more or less butchered Rogue's character, it's abundantly clear that the cure isn't a choice, people are getting it whether they want it or not.

So Rogue is happy about something that is bad news for literally every other mutant.

Seriously, Storm is showing a great deal of restraint in not smacking some perspective into Rogue right now.

----------


## danielxcutter

I mean, I can live with the "cure" _existing,_ it's mostly the forcing factor that's the issue for me.

Also didn't Rogue kill one of her boyfriends or something by accident with her powers?

----------


## Lord Raziere

Also, at the end of that movie, its revealed that the effects of that cure are temporary and also made from a child so the whole hullaballoo over it was for basically nothing while making a minor suffer. Not really an argument in favor of a cure.

----------


## Rater202

> I mean, I can live with the "cure" _existing,_ it's mostly the forcing factor that's the issue for me.


The very idea of *calling* it a cure is inherently offensive because it presumes that a large number of people are "sick" because they happened to be born differant.

It's very existence is a threat, because as long as it exists there is the possibility that someone will force it on mutants who don't want it.

...And Mutants like Cyclops and Rogue are a minority among mutants, to the point of being statistically insignificant. Even if you think that their condition is worth "curing..."

...Out of a population of millions, you'd be able to help... Maybe a dozen, extrapolating from numbers.

Mass producing such a drug, a single batch is going to have many times more what you need to actually help the people who might actually benefit from it, which shows you the actual priorities of the people making it.

----------


## danielxcutter

Oh, I don't disagree with all _that._ I just can't really blame people who get majorly screwed over by their powers for... not wanting them.

Of course, for like 99.999% of the mutant population they don't have it _that_ bad, I get that much.

----------


## Lord Raziere

Honestly, If I were doing something like X-men, I'd instead make all the mutants have one power called "Zapslinger" they would all shoot lightning from their fingertips but it'd only as powerful as a hand pistol. No more dangerous than an actual firearm. this would make the metaphor clearer as while they'd have a power that normal people don't, they wouldn't actually be more dangerous than a person with an actual gun and the comic would open with a normal student doing a school shooting out of revenge for some bullying from other normal people while some Zapslinger with some control, shoots to stun the person rather than kill him but gets punished for using their power at all. the shooter and the zapslinger would live while various students would die from the shooter's actions and it would go into an examination of how humans don't need superpowers to kill each other and be dangerous and how prejudice can make people overlook the flaws that are already present within ourselves by projecting it onto others. the zapslinger would of course get taught lessons about responsible use of power and safety and such and how they were lucky that that they didn't kill the shooter themselves.

now examining this with someone more powerful than humans like Magneto, Superman, Jean Grey and so on....thats a different issue requiring a different story, and isn't comparable to the Zapslinger metaphor. imagine a mutant type called "Exploder" much rarer and can blow up a city. No ability to restrain this ability or empower it, just when its used, an explosion that can take out a city, happens. to keep the setting modern and normal, not only is this power rare, most people who have it probably don't even KNOW they have it, because the circumstances where they'd discover it would cause a lot of destruction because how would they know they can do this themselves unless it has been used at least once? But government scientists found the one person of an Exploder type mutant they know of from a crater caused in anger, perhaps in the ruins of a small town far away from most metropolises and extrapolated from studying them, that there are a very small number of Exploders on planet Earth- even at the billions we have now, their numbers would maybe be a hundred at the most. the one Exploder person would be distraught and depressed that they caused this and would be afraid of 99 other people having it and the agents involved would have incentive to track down these people and figure out if they have this Exploder gene before even the person themselves knows about it and figure out what to do with them, because if they try to forcefully take them they could make the Exploder angry and take them all out as well as the surrounding area, ending more lives than saving them if they are not careful, yet something must be done or who knows when an Exploder will accidentally cause this again? Worse, what if someone who wants to use this power to destroy their enemies figures it out it exists? it would be a look into how such a power would be more of a curse than a blessing for those that have it, what the ethical thing to do about this would be for those tasked with keeping people safe, and how its completely unfair to normal people who through a quirk of genetics got something that could ruin their whole life and the lives for those around them for no reason. emphasis would be placed on none of the Exploders turning evil or wanting to use their power at all- they'd just be victims of something they can't control and the people around them trying to figure out what to do about their existence. 

* May not be inspired by X-men to make focused stories about superpowers that eschew them being unique or cool for the sake of a storytelling metaphor

----------


## danielxcutter

When you have individuals roughly equivalent to WMDs, the calculus does shift somewhat, yes.

Preeeeeeetty sure that most mutants in X-Men are closer to your former example than the latter though.

----------


## Rater202

> When you have individuals roughly equivalent to WMDs, the calculus does shift somewhat, yes.
> 
> Preeeeeeetty sure that most mutants in X-Men are closer to your former example than the latter though.


The majority of mutants have powers like "I'm blue" or "I poop ice cream." When they have powers _at all._

Mutants with practical or dangerous powers are a large minority.

The "living WMD" mutants are the smallest number and most of them didn't start that way.

----------


## danielxcutter

Yeah, checks out. WMD level powers are uncommon enough that they can be dealt with on a personalized basis?

----------


## Rater202

> Yeah, checks out. WMD level powers are uncommon enough that they can be dealt with on a personalized basis?


The earliest known mutant was born 17 thousand years ago, not counting time travel. At the highest measured population, mutants numbered at about 16 million.

In all that time, with all of those numbers, there has been exactly *two* mutants whose power posed an immediate risk to a large number of individuals upon activation. One of them immediately gained control of it, the other was only a threat n the first place because she was panicking after being attacked in response to her powers activating.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

Eh, when there's eventually billions of mutants somebody's going to eventually develop recursive supernova powers. Having a working method to deactivate dangerous powers and then have them reactivate slowly is going to be useful. Plus some kind of power limiter for people as passively dangerous as Rogue to snog without killing their partners.

Plus some day people who's powers cause immortality will want to die. You can argue whether or not it's moral, and there's always the possibility of healing factors and the like burning out before then (as I believe happens to Logan in some futures), but it's another reason to potentially want a stock of 'cure'.


* My superhero cannot spend all their points on five Sidekicks.
** My sidekicks cannot spend all their points on giant aerospace vehicles.

----------


## danielxcutter

Yeah, that was more or less what I was thinking. The "cure" was more or less thinly-justified racism in-setting in terms of implementation, not going to argue that.

----------


## Rater202

> Eh, when there's eventually billions of mutants somebody's going to eventually develop recursive supernova powers. Having a working method to deactivate dangerous powers and then have them reactivate slowly is going to be useful. Plus some kind of power limiter for people as passively dangerous as Rogue to snog without killing their partners.


1: They have that, it's called "a telepath puts in a slowly degrading mental block."

2: Likewise, the solution to someone like Rogue is "psychotherapy to overcome whatever trauma creates the mental block that prevents the regulation of their powers."

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> 1: They have that, it's called "a telepath puts in a slowly degrading mental block."


A) you're assuming there are telepaths available.

B) Yeah, like I'd want someone messing about in my head when there's a reliable injection.

C) Actually, I'm not sure I want a telepath messing about in my head at all.

The way that the various Marvel Universes treat mutants is as bad as how 40k treats Psykers. That doesn't mean that some of the tools they use don't have productive uses. A short term suppressor is much better than a permanent cure, I'm not even against weaponising such a thing.




> 2: Likewise, the solution to someone like Rogue is "psychotherapy to overcome whatever trauma creates the mental block that prevents the regulation of their powers."


From my admittedly limited experience of Marvel, there's no implication that Rogue's powers aren't working exactly as they're supposed to. So from the point of view of the films the suppression is a legitimately useful thing for Rogue.

Rogue's in a weird situation where her powers can potentially be incredibly useful, but she lacks the ability to live a normal life without medication. We probably want a suppressor with a shorter length than the one in the film, but it's a good way for her to manage her disability.

...hell that's a character I can add to the superhero/urban fantasy story I have on the back burner. Somebody who uses medication to help manage an automatic power (probably some kind of temperature control).

----------


## Rockphed

> he's draining magic energy from star gods made of hyper-technology to heal magically. this is kind of explanation you get when too many nerds over decades point out all the other explanations don't scientific sense and the writers just want them to shut up already and enjoy the comic. 
> 
> * My superhero may not be powered by soda
> ** Their powers may not depend on which soda they consume
> *** Their story may not be about how they to deal with an addiction to soda as a result of their powers
> **** Or deal with having to hide their need for soda so that corporations don't find out and try to make deals with the hero, not wanting to sell out to them.


I present Michiganman!  He flies when he drinks Vernors, gets various powers from Faygo, and can teleport anywhere in Michigan by pointing at his hand.




> * My superhero cannot spend all their points on five Sidekicks.
> ** My sidekicks cannot spend all their points on giant aerospace vehicles.


Are you playing Coran?  Or the guy who tells the power ranges what to do?

----------


## Rater202

> A) you're assuming there are telepaths available.
> 
> B) Yeah, like I'd want someone messing about in my head when there's a reliable injection.
> 
> C) Actually, I'm not sure I want a telepath messing about in my head at all.
> 
> The way that the various Marvel Universes treat mutants is as bad as how 40k treats Psykers. That doesn't mean that some of the tools they use don't have productive uses. A short term suppressor is much better than a permanent cure, I'm not even against weaponising such a thing.


Most of the mutant cures arne't temporary. You take the shot and the best case scenario is yur powers are gone forever.

The hope fomula had a temporary ersion, but overdosing on it made the effects permenant(it was a matter of concentration) and the creator destroyed it when she realized that it was being used as a terror weapon by anti-mutant hate groups.

The worst-case scenario? X-Cise didn't actually make someone not a mutant, it chemically lobotomized them, destroying the part of their brain that regulated their powers.

Beyond that, telepathy is literally the most common mutant power.


> From my admittedly limited experience of Marvel, there's no implication that Rogue's powers aren't working exactly as they're supposed to.


That wasn't a made-up example. Canonically the reason Rogue's powers don't turn off is because she first used them by accident while kissing a boy and the one-two punch of suddenly having his memories and him ending up in a coma traumatized her and gave her a psychological block that prevented her from regulating her powers.

She overcame this block and was then able to regulate her powers as normal, barring a few incidents where nostalgic writers try to screw her over for the nostalgia but those incidents never last long.

This is, canonically, the case for *every* mutant who can't regulate their powers. Likewise, Scott Summers is supposed to be able to turn off his optic blasts, but he has brain damage. And sometimes you get control issues if your powers awaken prematurely, like the little girl with dream manifestation powers that got shaken awake by night terrors.

Unless your mutant power is "I'm an antropmorfic cat" or "I have a healing factor," ot the like, it's supposed to turn off. The Celestials put time and effort into guiding the course of human evolution to create a superpowered species _for a reason_, they put in safety measures to stop them from accidentally going extinct.

*I'm not allowed to point out that Psykers *actually* being a potential gateway for Chaos and not having inbuilt safety measures into their powers means that comparing them to Mutants doesn't scan.
**The most about comparison in 40K would be the actual mutants.
***Even then, I think Marvel Mutants have it worse. There's no cult in 40K kidnapping mutant/psyker children in order to harvest their organs and graft them to others to get their powers while telling the mutants/psykers that they're being bigoted against baseline humans for not wanting to be murdered for their organs.

----------


## danielxcutter

I mean, using medicine to treat symptoms or take the edge off is very common IRL. That seems like itd be the next logical step.

Also re: psykers well, WH40K. Do I actually have to explain that?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Are you playing Coran?  Or the guy who tells the power ranges what to do?


If I could find a GM who doesn't ban it at first mention the characters' first complication/disadvantage would be 'cannot walk convincingly'. Also one of the sidekicks never participates in actual operations, they pretty much just relay communications.


On Rogue, I think her having control over her powers is actually _less interesting_. This isn't just from an 'oh woe is me' point of view, you can spin plots out of her need for accomodations and/or mitigations. Like there's an entire movie possible just in the fact that Storm and Rogue are disagreeing over the 'cure'.

But then again Marvel's probably run out of interesting things to do with the Marvel Universe, you can't throw a stone without hitting 80 years of lore telling you that it wouldn't bounce that way. It's probably time to wrap it up and start a new story with new characters.

I'll also tell the psykers being fed to the ancient corpse to be happy they're not being killed for a different reason.

----------


## Rater202

> I'll also tell the psykers being fed to the ancient corpse to be happy they're not being killed for a different reason.


Do you have any idea how much human sacrifice happens in the Imperium? Every single sanctified Bolter bolt has a dead human behind it. The Psykers aren't special in that regard.

But they aren't having their organs ripped out while they're alive and conscious by some ******* who wants their powers.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Do you have any idea how much human sacrifice happens in the Imperium? Every single sanctified Bolter bolt has a dead human behind it. The Psykers aren't special in that regard.


Am I trying to claim the Imperium are good guys in any way?




> But they aren't having their organs ripped out while they're alive and conscious by some ******* who wants their powers.


Given the sheer scale of the Imperium it's more than possible. But psykers also have to face other forms of torment and being used as living tools (and sanctioning is not exactly a pleasant process). Much of the Imperium literally treats them as subhuman.

They don't have to go through the exact same ****, but they do have to go through roughly same magnitude of ****. Unless you're saying that having your soul devoured by an immortal bastard is pleasant

----------


## Rater202

> They don't have to go through the exact same ****, but they do have to go through roughly same magnitude of ****. Unless you're saying that having your soul devoured by an immortal bastard is pleasant


Given that the forces of Chaos control the Warp and the Warp is the afterlife, I'm pretty sure literally everyone goes through that sooner or later.

The ones Sacrificed to the Emporer are the lucky ones.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> ***Even then, I think Marvel Mutants have it worse. There's no cult in 40K kidnapping mutant/psyker children in order to harvest their organs and graft them to others to get their powers while telling the mutants/psykers that they're being bigoted against baseline humans for not wanting to be murdered for their organs.


**** Y'know, Just an entire galatic Empire genociding them whenever they aren't lazy about it and getting away with it without any heroes or hope of escaping.
***** your foolish if you think there aren't cults in 40k who'd do exactly that, fanaticism and hypocrisy are constants in the humans of 40k.
****** Technically Chaos often recruits mutants to join their cause THEN they get slaughtered by the Imperium which is worse then merely getting killed before they join, because that means their souls get to be tortured by the Chaos gods for all eternity.

----------


## danielxcutter

Also its WH40K, aka the origin of the term grimdark. Well, more like grimderp honestly.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

Grimtire. 10 chats

----------


## TeChameleon

Warhammer 40k: Where everyone and everything in the entire universe is hangry, cranky and needs a nap.

As an aside, there's already a safe, effective way to shut off mutant powers in the Marvel Universe- Genoshan Inhibitor Collars.  Slim one of those down to a choker or a bracelet or whatever that can be easily removed by the wearer when they want, and _voila_, no problems with uncontrollable powers.  Honestly, I think writers just ignore those because they want to milk *more* 'drama' out of some weird mutant 'cure'.  Again.

* My superhero must have a goal other than 'force all the canon heroes to swap rogues' galleries', no matter how funny it would be to see Lex Luthor get his head handed to him by Aquaman, or have the Joker slowly go even crazier because every time he tries something, the Flash has him back in Arkham Asylum between blinks.  Also, whoever got Wonder Woman's rogues' gallery would be ****ed.

** No, the goal can't be 'eat Amazo's heart to gain his power', either.
- Because "Cannibalman" was never an allowed superhero concept, and Amazo doesn't have a heart anyways.

*** "Getting a happy ending for the X-Men" doesn't work either; you have to choose an achievable goal.  Hamfisted racism allegories don't get happy endings.

----------


## danielxcutter

I mean, "milking the setting for moar drama" kinda explains... a _lot_ about modern long-running comic books.

----------


## Metastachydium

> Do you have any idea how much human sacrifice happens in the Imperium? Every single sanctified Bolter bolt has a dead human behind it. The Psykers aren't special in that regard.
> 
> But they aren't having their organs ripped out while they're alive and conscious by some ******* who wants their powers.





> Also its WH40K, aka the origin of the term grimdark. Well, more like grimderp honestly.





> Grimtire.


Meh. Marvel is trying a bit too hard to grow up to that task.
[*Mutant 1:* Huh. This week's attempted genocide seems to be late.
*Mutant 2:* _[Checks calendar.]_ Hm. Yeah, it's _thursday_ and there's nothing yet. Weird.
*Mutant 1:* Right?
*Mutant 2:* Yeah. Hrm. You think this means they'll do two next week?]

----------


## Rater202

> Meh. Marvel is trying a bit too hard to grow up to that task.
> [*Mutant 1:* Huh. This week's attempted genocide seems to be late.
> *Mutant 2:* _[Checks calendar.]_ Hm. Yeah, it's _thursday_ and there's nothing yet. Weird.
> *Mutant 1:* Right?
> *Mutant 2:* Yeah. Hrm. You think this means they'll do two next week?]


I know you're joking, but they actually managed to go three years between genocides this time.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not derail the joke thread with talks of marvel cyclical storytelling

* May not a make a superhero who was taught a Superhero Code similar to a knights one as basically a list of behaviors Superman would approve of
** Then have in their backstory, break it and be treated like a ronin who has dishonored themselves

* May not make a new kind of superpower based entirely on having the power of a single verb
** Verb Use: Stop is an abstract power that can be applied to many things, but Stop: Saying Memes is probably abusing it
*** so is Stop: Being Serious
**** Start: Hilarity will have inconsistent results
***** Prank: The world is only funny so many times. 
****** Punch: Despair is not the way to solve depression
******* Verb Users are overpowered and ridiculous.

----------


## Rater202

> * May not a make a superhero who was taught a Superhero Code similar to a knights one as basically a list of behaviors Superman would approve of
> ** Then have in their backstory, break it and be treated like a ronin who has dishonored themselves


***May not make a Chi User who takes "The Way of The Spider" too seriously and seeks to achieve enlightenment through the emulation of Spider-Man.

----------


## thorr-kan

> I present Michiganman!  He flies when he drinks Vernors, gets various powers from Faygo, and can teleport anywhere in Michigan by pointing at his hand.


What about the rest of the state?!  Friggin' Troll regionalist...
^THIS is a Joke.  If you are Not From Michigan, I am going ruin it by Explaining The Joke.

The Lower Peninsula is shaped like a mitten.  And Michiganders do indeed greet each other by holding out a hand and pointing.  Those of us from the *other* third of the state (the Upper Peninsula) shake our heads and say, "Above the Bridge!"

Since LP residents live Under the Bridge, they are, by definition, Trolls...

Regional and National media have a tendency to assume the UP is part of Canada, or even worse, delete it from visual representations entirely.  At least the majority of LP residents remember the UP exists...

*Banned from playing Michiganman.  Because I totally would.
**Banned from playing a Wolverine based on the state's official animal and the mascot of the REAL UoM.  Because I would do it...
***We don't TALK ABOUT the *terrible, terrible* superhero parodies I stated up in the MSH RPG back in the 80s, living in Michigan.  Any resemblance to persons living or dead was entirely intentional, and some of those people could still find me...
****Not allowed to flog this equine corpse anymore, Halloween or not.

----------


## D&D_Fan

* Your alternate geographic history USA setting cannot have East Dakota and West Dakota as divided by the Missouri river.
** While it makes sense initially, the north-south placement creates further buffering between the USA and Canada.
*** North and South Virginia, on the other hand.
**** Almost heaven...
***** North Virginia (N. Virginia would have the Blue Ridge Mountains, and Shenandoah valley in it...)
****** Yeah no, it doesn't have the same ring to it.
******* North Virginia Man cannot fight Michiganman.

----------


## Rockphed

> What about the rest of the state?!  Friggin' Troll regionalist...


When I want to point out a location on the lower peninsula, I point to my right hand.  When I want to point to a location on the upper peninsula I point to my left hand.  It isn't as good a map but it works decently.  Houghton is on my right thumb knuckle.  Green bay is on the webbing between my right ring and pinky fingers. (I may have accidentally annexed Green Bay and the peninsula south of it now that I look at a proper map).  No, what he cannot do is teleport to Isle Royale.

* Ohioman does not have the power of "Heart".
* New-York-man is not part alligator.  Neither is Floridaman.
** Neither of them can summon alligators to do their bidding.
*** Alligators do not have thumbs and cannot open doors.
* Utahman is not just an angry swarm of bees.
* Idahoman must have some non-potato powers.
* Texasman is not Chip Gaines.  Just because the two of them have never been seen in the same room does not make one the secret identity of the other.
** Texasman is also not _Joanna_ Gaines.  Besides, what sort of superpowers do you get in a freak interior design accident?

----------


## Lord Raziere

* Washington State Man does not have the power to make it rain whenever they want
** Nor does he have some technopathic power over all digital devices.
*** finally they do not have the power to summon a ferry to get to anywhere they want.

* may not make a superhero campaign of a team of new villains that try to infiltrate a big superhero organization separately and are all assigned to work together. Each one thinking the other four are heroes.
** they may not try to pass for heroes and end up gradually becoming heroes and comrades for real. 
*** may not find themselves facing a problem of what do about their double agent status to the five villain organizations they came from and keeping the secret of their spy status to each other and the superhero organization they're apart of.

----------


## Lord Torath

**** May not keep the players in the dark as well, as to the double-agent status of the rest of the team.

----------


## Rater202

* My  Superhero Origin can't be that I'm a little kid kidnapped by a mad scientist and infused with nanomachines, not unlike the exabytes from DCUO, containing the DNA, skills, knowledge, mystical or technological information, memories, and metahuman energy of Steppenwolf, Harley Quinn, Atrocitus, Professor Zoom, Alkyone, and The Marshal to create an evil counterpart of Shazam who none the less dwarfs the original in power and skill.
** "I wanted a Batman villain" does not adequately explain why Harley is lumped in with those powerhouses.
***The reason I'm a hero instead of a villain was "the idiot forgot to brainwash me."
****The explanation for how having the knowledge and memories of all of those villains and psychoses didn't drive me insane shouldn't be "uhduhnuh."
*****The powers shouldn't be dormant until I shout "Shazam!" which trigers a horrific, Akira-esque biomechanical metamorphosis.
******Said metamorphosis shouldn't culminate into a standard "ideal of fitness and beauty" adult superhero body.
*******I can't be incredibly cheerful about all of the above.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not turn the billionaire-playboy corporation-owning superhero archetype into a figurative form of landed nobility like a samurai or a knight
** the city they work in may not be the land they defend
*** Batman getting a Robin to train isn't just a knight getting a squire 
**** may not make billionaire heroes fight each other over cities out of perceiving each other of doing badly at defending them from crime
***** May not recreate game of thrones or the Sengoku Jidai out of corporate superheroes fighting to bring order to the world.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* My superhero concept cannot be 'I get short term powers whenever I'm exposed to toxic waste'.

* 'There are problems you can't solve with a spell' is not an invitation to abuse the ritual magic rules.

----------


## thorr-kan

> When I want to point out a location on the lower peninsula, I point to my right hand.  When I want to point to a location on the upper peninsula I point to my left hand.  It isn't as good a map but it works decently.  Houghton is on my right thumb knuckle.  Green bay is on the webbing between my right ring and pinky fingers. (I may have accidentally annexed Green Bay and the peninsula south of it now that I look at a proper map).  No, what he cannot do is teleport to Isle Royale.


1.  Hold your left hand horizontal, fingertips pointing right.
2.  Raise your thumb. That's the Keweenaw Peninsula.
3.  Curl your pointer finger.  That's the rest of the Superior shore.
4.  Leave you middle and ring fingers.  Those are St. Ignace and the Soo.
5.  Scissor your pinky out as far as is comfortable.  That's the point of land ending in Menominee.

I have NOT put too much thought into this over the years.

I'm pleasantly surprised at the number of the times I've made this gesture in response to the Mitten and gotten the response, "Oh, a Yooper!"  *I* don't think it's obvious, but other Michiganders sure do recognize it.

*The Mitten can also double as an ID for 'sconsi if you squint.
**Ohioman is a punk.  (Both my sisters-in-law married Buckeyes.  I am morally obligated to give them grief.)




> * may not make a superhero campaign of a team of new villains that try to infiltrate a big superhero organization separately and are all assigned to work together. Each one thinking the other four are heroes.
> ** they may not try to pass for heroes and end up gradually becoming heroes and comrades for real. 
> *** may not find themselves facing a problem of what do about their double agent status to the five villain organizations they came from and keeping the secret of their spy status to each other and the superhero organization they're apart of.


Are you kidding?  I'd play the Hell outta that campaign.  With the right kind of players, it'd be the right kind of PvP at its finest.  Granted, you need the right group.

----------


## Wookieetank

> Are you kidding?  I'd play the Hell outta that campaign.  With the right kind of players, it'd be the right kind of PvP at its finest.  Granted, you need the right group.


Sounds like Paranoia, but with superheroes.  Really ends up with less PVP and more scheming behind each other's backs.  Is delightful chaotic fun.

*Escaping from alpha complex when a mission goes south is poor form.
**Making friends with the city sized cockroach the DM was expecting us to use the experimental weapon we stole on, is rude apparently.
***Riding the cockroach into battle against alpha complex, and using said experimental weapon as our main form of attack is just rubbing salt in the wound.

----------


## thorr-kan

> Sounds like Paranoia, but with superheroes.  Really ends up with less PVP and more scheming behind each other's backs.  Is delightful chaotic fun.
> 
> *Escaping from alpha complex when a mission goes south is poor form.
> **Making friends with the city sized cockroach the DM was expecting us to use the experimental weapon we stole on, is rude apparently.
> ***Riding the cockroach into battle against alpha complex, and using said experimental weapon as our main form of attack is just rubbing salt in the wound.


Who says you can't win RPGs?

*Old Man Henderson is a bad example for "winning RPGs?"
**I think the DM might be a traitor, Friend Computer!

----------


## Wookieetank

> Who says you can't win RPGs?


I think we ended up winning and losing at about the same time.  Friend Computer sent out nuke equipped bombers from alpha complex, incinerating the party, and making the cockroach slightly larger (and the only survivor from the whole ordeal).

----------


## Personification

> Who says you can't win RPGs?
> 
> *Old Man Henderson is a bad example for "winning RPGs?"
> **I think the DM might be a traitor, Friend Computer!


***I may not shut down Alpha complex by logic bombing Friend Computer by convincing it that it is a Communist

----------


## Telok

> I think we ended up winning and losing at about the same time.  Friend Computer sent out nuke equipped bombers from alpha complex, incinerating the party, and making the cockroach slightly larger (and the only survivor from the whole ordeal).


Sounds like a win to me.

Unrelated, I may soon-ish get banned from making my own settings. Only just over 20 crystal spheres out of almost 300 on the map and already I've written the phrase "giant toe moon with deranged vampire pirate king".

----------


## Bohandas

*"the real treasure is friendship" is not an excuse to bury my pirate crew alive

----------


## Quetzalogic

> Yes, yes it is the one.  I may have gotten a little carried away there.  Or, as my players pointed out, a whole lot carried away.
> 
> * I am not allowed to increase the size of the Ravager by a factor of 100 just because I found it inconceivable that a puny little beholder "only" a mile across could destroy one whole world, let alone hundreds of worlds across multiple spheres.


PCs vs. Unicron sounds like a great campaign TBH.

----------


## Spore

> PCs vs. Unicron sounds like a great campaign TBH.


I don't even know if Transformers isn't just a giant D&D campaign that happens to be transforming robots.
* Having a transformer ponder what was first, the vehicle or the robot is NOT locking them in a logical loop.
** Seriously, Quintesson slave lords are basically just mindflayers crossed with Ferengi.
*** Sufficiently developed robot magic is indistinguishable from mortal magic.
**** I am not to try and technobabble my way out of a deus ex machina plot device to explain how it is not magical and totally rooted in this world's lore.
***** The term deus ex machina is especially avoided for deities born from advanced AIs saving the heroes.
****** That is IT. The Xenoblade franchise would like to have a word with you. Back in that alley where the Yakuza bodyguards stand.

----------


## danielxcutter

To be entirely honest giant robots feels very Artificer. Or Wizard/Sorcerer, if PCs can make golems in 5e.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I may no longer allow my Griffon to partake of the moonshine that the druids in my barony brew if I want to fly on him after the meeting.

----------


## Lord Raziere

* May not forge and wield a sword called the Ridicublade
** The sword may not start as a buster-sword sized sword
*** May not get larger, more powerful and more ridiculous every time someone points out how ridiculous it is
**** May not only be wielded by someone who likes it unironically 

* May not make a legendary super katana that only functions as indestructible all-cutting super sword if the wielder unironically likes that myth
** Ironic or exploitative mindsets trying to game it may not get punished for pretending to believe

* may not make a Blade of Irony for the ironic or comedic minded
** The blade may not ironically, be unable to cut anything and in fact fuses things together or attaches them as it passes through

* may not make an Antimeme Blade that gets permanently stronger every time you use to kill someone who says a meme within you presence within the minute they say it
** the blade may not kill the wielder if they utter any meme themselves while they wield it.

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

* the Blade of Irony can't be dull and flat, in order to better remove wrinkles.
** It also can't just be a normal sword made of the metal Fe.

----------


## danielxcutter

> * May not forge and wield a sword called the Ridicublade
> ** The sword may not start as a buster-sword sized sword
> *** May not get larger, more powerful and more ridiculous every time someone points out how ridiculous it is
> **** May not only be wielded by someone who likes it unironically 
> 
> * May not make a legendary super katana that only functions as indestructible all-cutting super sword if the wielder unironically likes that myth
> ** Ironic or exploitative mindsets trying to game it may not get punished for pretending to believe
> 
> * may not make a Blade of Irony for the ironic or comedic minded
> ...


Re: Blade of Irony, there was this LitRPG where one of the swords was a BFS... with 1 attack, though incredibly durable. Turns out it symbolized the metal used for a sword, and the flaw in the concept(loooooong story).

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I may no longer have the NPC transmuter, whom the party rescued but whom they asked me to control since none of them has ever run a wizard, cast Animate Objects on ten arrows from the party monk's quiver.  

** I  may no longer refer to that as Psychotic Psinger Psewing Machine on Pspeed.  

*** I may no longer auto-forward to voice mail when I get the next phone call form the Frost Giant Anti-Defamation League, and the SPCA, given the horrors inflicted on a few polar bears ...  :Small Eek:

----------


## Pauly

> * the Blade of Irony can't be dull and flat, in order to better remove wrinkles.
> ** It also can't just be a normal sword made of the metal Fe.


** The Blade of Steely may not have completely different and unrelated properties to the blade of Irony.

----------


## Spore

> * May not forge and wield a sword called the Ridicublade
> ** The sword may not start as a buster-sword sized sword
> *** May not get larger, more powerful and more ridiculous every time someone points out how ridiculous it is
> **** May not only be wielded by someone who likes it unironically 
> 
> * May not make a legendary super katana that only functions as indestructible all-cutting super sword if the wielder unironically likes that myth
> ** Ironic or exploitative mindsets trying to game it may not get punished for pretending to believe
> 
> * may not make a Blade of Irony for the ironic or comedic minded
> ...


*You may never base your magic item's properties on the concept of "liking something unironically".
** This does not include but is adjacent to believing into one of the following:
- yourself
- the power of friendship
- the power of incredible violence
- the heart of the cards
- your training
*** If one of you lot recycle just ONE tired anime or story trope above, I will personally craft a boss monster that counters all your shenanigans thus far.
**** If you truly believe in something, believe in the oversights and imcompetence of your DM.

----------


## Rater202

There are better ways to fight vampires than loading holy relics into a blunderbuss.

----------


## noob

> There are better ways to fight vampires than loading holy relics into a blunderbuss.


Better? Probably.
As satisfying? No.
** throwing the planet in the sun while able to kill vampires also kills non vampires.

----------


## D&D_Fan

> There are better ways to fight vampires than loading holy relics into a blunderbuss.


*Filling a Super Soaker with milk to fight vampires because "Count Chocula gets soggy in milk, this one should too" is not a valid option.

----------


## Tohron

* I may not experimentally test whether vampires are extra-vulnerable to H-bombs.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * I may not experimentally test whether vampires are extra-vulnerable to H-bombs.


 Given that we used to refer to nuclear depth charges (yeah, those were a thing when I was in the Navy) as "a bucket of sunshine" I'd suspect that nukes nullify a vampire's regeneration feature. :Small Big Grin:

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> * I may not experimentally test whether vampires are extra-vulnerable to H-bombs.


I suspect that the explosion of an h-bomb is sufficient enough to deal aggravated damage to humans (considering that a grenade is). As vampires downgrade everything except their banes by one level the question is what the primary source of the damage is, if it's light or heat they'll be taking aggravated damage, if it's the shockwave probably just lethal.

Now your average vampire, after taking Disciplines into account, probably has about 11 health levels. If the bomb is able to do at least 22 damage (which I believe would be pretty small by fusion bomb standards) it's going to be difficult to get enough subjects to properly test this hypothesis.

* My vampire cannot take 'fissile material: as a bane

----------


## danielxcutter

I haven't been reading the rulebooks enough to remember, but I assume once all health levels are filled with bashing it turns into lethal, and then agg? And actual lethal and agg just skip the bashing part?

Also I'm pretty sure thermonuclear weapons are more or less an instakill against anything that isn't a... which WoD is this? Either way, I think you have to be at least a Mage with 5 dots in Forces to shrug it off and almost anything else pretty much turns into ashes?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I haven't been reading the rulebooks enough to remember, but I assume once all health levels are filled with bashing it turns into lethal, and then agg? And actual lethal and agg just skip the bashing part?


Pretty much. Lethal and agg also push lesser damage to the next box, which IIRC can also 'roll over'.




> Also I'm pretty sure thermonuclear weapons are more or less an instakill against anything that isn't a... which WoD is this? Either way, I think you have to be at least a Mage with 5 dots in Forces to shrug it off and almost anything else pretty much turns into ashes?


CofD, so anything which gets to ~50 is an instakill for anybody who isn't built for the absolute limits of toughness (and 60 should deal with them). I'm sure we can get a big further with abusing blood magic, but if it kills a BP10 vampire with maxed Stamina and Resilience it'll probably kill anything short of a mage, mummy, or promethean. If we were going to stat nukes they'd likely be an order of magnitude higher at minimum.

Yeah, let's go with a damage of '+Caine'.

----------


## danielxcutter

I know some Prometheans are literally spawned from radiation(I think theyre the Zeka?) so if you mean those it makes sense. I hear mummies are incredibly powerful when they first wake up, but that powerful?

That being said yeah, even something like a True Fae is probably getting booted back into the Hedge if it gets a nuke to the face. Unless it has a contract for that, but I think those have limits?

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I know some Prometheans are literally spawned from radiation(I think theyre the Zeka?) so if you mean those it makes sense. I hear mummies are incredibly powerful when they first wake up, but that powerful?


Prometheans have a limited ability to come back from the dead, as long as they have a use left they can probably manage it. I'm not exactly sure how it works in 2e, but in 1e everybody could do it once and being an Orisian or buying their power let you do it as long as you had 2+ Azoth.

Mummies can regenerate from organs they've hidden in jars, or as a last ditch get their cult to put them in a new body (which isn't certain).  They're also IIRC unkillable as long as they've Sealed Their Flesh, but I left my book at home and think that only lasts a few rounds per Pillar point you spend. 

Yeah, fully powered mummies have mage levels of power, although they're not as flexible. They lose a lot of it as their Sekhem drops, but some tricks like Sealing The Flesh still work at Sekhem 1.

----------


## danielxcutter

Plus, at the end of the day mages are still baseline humans(albeit possibly well-trained and resourceful ones with magical items) while mummies arent.

----------


## Rater202

The big bad can't be a megalomaniacal bard who plans to ascend to godhood via a ritual of mass human sacrifice carried out by spamming Mass Suggestion to compel entire villages to dance themselves to death.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Plus, at the end of the day mages are still baseline humans(albeit possibly well-trained and resourceful ones with magical items) while mummies arent.


Yeah, mummies are weird. They're pretty much the point where CofD really went off the rails (after Changeling shifted it away from being a WoD reboot).

Not to go too far into WoD geekery, but Arisen are some kind of weird proto-Promethean proto-Mage deal. Like Sekhem is officially pre-supernal, which means that Irem might have actually existed and fallen before the Sundered World dark era, or it might have come from a history an Archmaster removed for some reason. The end result is a massive amount of raw power, but they can't just pull a new spell out of their arse.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

* I may no longer sing "_He came in through the stained glass window1_" as I crash through it, behind the altar where cultists are doing a ceremony, fractions of a second before the wizard turns me into a T-Rex. *Spoiler: musical choices*
Show

(I should have been singing a song by T-Rex, such as "Bang a Gong" but it didn't seem to fit the situation, or maybe "the Wizard" but it didn't have a nice little song hook ...)  


1(The song reference is "She came in through the bathroom window" by the Beatles)

----------


## dspeyer

* Nor may I have a T-Rex sing "Happy Birthday to You"
** At a hundred and sixty decibels
*** In an echoey parking garage
**** While fighting a pack of cornerhounds that navigate exclusively by sonar

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * Nor may I have a T-Rex sing "Happy Birthday to You"
> ** At a hundred and sixty decibels
> *** In an echoey parking garage
> **** While fighting a pack of cornerhounds that navigate exclusively by sonar


Are your sure you weren't just playing a record by the Sex Pistols?  :Small Confused:

----------


## danielxcutter

> Yeah, mummies are weird. They're pretty much the point where CofD really went off the rails (after Changeling shifted it away from being a WoD reboot).
> 
> Not to go too far into WoD geekery, but Arisen are some kind of weird proto-Promethean proto-Mage deal. Like Sekhem is officially pre-supernal, which means that Irem might have actually existed and fallen before the Sundered World dark era, or it might have come from a history an Archmaster removed for some reason. The end result is a massive amount of raw power, but they can't just pull a new spell out of their arse.


The God-Machine's also... weird. The eldritch monstrosity being mechanical instead of even more Oh No Hentai Tentacles, for starters. I thought it was omnipotent and omniscient in practical(if not literal) terms, but apparently it's mostly a material world thing with a decent footprint in Twilight, while the Hedge, Supernal, Primal Dream and others are completely separate "spiritual" realms?

*May not change the name of the God-Machine so that it abbreviates to ST instead of GM.

----------


## Rater202

*If the rest of the party's Stands are named "Ninja Sex Party," "Poison," "Sympathy For the Devil," and "Black Magic Woman," mine can't be "Khepri."

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> The God-Machine's also... weird. The eldritch monstrosity being mechanical instead of even more Oh No Hentai Tentacles, for starters. I thought it was omnipotent and omniscient in practical(if not literal) terms, but apparently it's mostly a material world thing with a decent footprint in Twilight, while the Hedge, Supernal, Primal Dream and others are completely separate "spiritual" realms?


CofD lore is very weird because pretty much every line is supposed to exist in a vacuum, even if that's been somewhat dropped. The God-Machine only interacts with the material world because it's only designed for gamelines that don't use Otherworlds 

Honestly I like that CofD has, for the most part, stayed away from the anime tentacles. I believe they even outright tell you that the Abyss is for conceptual antagonists and not prehensile genitalia, although I don't actually own Mage 1e (only 2e).




> *May not change the name of the God-Machine so that it abbreviates to ST instead of GM.


Heh. To be fair I get the feeling that the only reason 2e uses the Storyteller moniker is to avoid fan rage.

* The Abyss is not the origin of any pop stars.

----------


## danielxcutter

> CofD lore is very weird because pretty much every line is supposed to exist in a vacuum, even if that's been somewhat dropped. The God-Machine only interacts with the material world because it's only designed for gamelines that don't use Otherworlds 
> 
> Honestly I like that CofD has, for the most part, stayed away from the anime tentacles. I believe they even outright tell you that the Abyss is for conceptual antagonists and not prehensile genitalia, although I don't actually own Mage 1e (only 2e).


The Contagion Chronicles would beg to differ!  :Small Tongue: 




> Heh. To be fair I get the feeling that the only reason 2e uses the Storyteller moniker is to avoid fan rage.
> 
> * The Abyss is not the origin of any pop stars.


**It is not the origin of student loans either.(That one's _probably_ on the Chancellor.)

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

> *May not change the name of the God-Machine so that it abbreviates to ST instead of GM.


Completely independently, I developed the concept of the Great Mechanism for my (D&D) setting. It doesn't really have much of a will (instead it has directives it must follow), but it's the beating heart and nervous system of the (small) universe, pumping anima (aether) around the planes. It also sets the basic rules for things like magic--spells are effectively API calls against it. Or "allowed" external access. Conveniently (and I only realized this after the fact), the initials also spell GM (ie *me*).

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> The Contagion Chronicles would beg to differ!


As I've said, it's kind of been dropped. Beast and The Contagion Chronicle are both intentionally crossover focused (I'd argue to Beast's detriment), and 2e has a few more casual crossover elements in general (Strix come from a bit of Mage cosmology). But the idea from back when nWoD was being put together was that you didn't have to use Mage mages outside of that line if you didn't want to.

Even in late 1e it wasn't being as strictly applied, I believe there was a Gangrel bloodline that only accepted Wolf Blooded. I'm sure if Paradox weren't trying to replace CofD with their WoD reboots we'd be seeing even more crossover stuff.

* May not detail a thread into a WoD discussion.

----------


## danielxcutter

Beast has some very unfortunate implications apparently. The kind that in-universe make the other splats(who arent necessarily saints themselves) go okay what the heck dude.

----------


## Rater202

> Beast has some very unfortunate implications apparently. The kind that in-universe make the other splats(who arent necessarily saints themselves) go okay what the heck dude.


The playtest draft was fine, but some people took some bits out of context to make it seem like a game about glorifying abuse and blaming victims. Other people complained that Beasts didn't really have their own thing because "explore the mysteries of the setting" apparently isn't enough motivation or some people.

So in the second draft they made some changes to how Heroes work... And gAve Beasts a cultural mandate to terrorize humans "for their own good" in order to "teach them lessons." When before you were encouraged to avoid needless harm in your feedings.

In short, the response to people complaining about it being a game about abusers was to make it explicitly a game about abusers. And I don't recall a single person who was complaining about abuse the first time complaining about it the second.

And then apparently one of the writers got in trouble for... I want to say sexual harassment but don't quote me on that? Which really makes you reexamine the whole thing.

Throw in the fact that the second draft also changed the game from "you never fit in, you always felt wrong, and you never knew why, but then one day you realized that you aren't what you thought you were, you're something else, and now it's time to meet your new extended family" and turned into "a dream monster ae your soul and crawled into the empty space in your psyche where ti used to be"

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Beast has some very unfortunate implications apparently. The kind that in-universe make the other splats(who arent necessarily saints themselves) go okay what the heck dude.


Beast's corebook is basically hot garbage. Apparently the player's guide refocuses it into a much better game, but you don't get two first impressions. It's probably the only one of the gamelines that desperately needs a new edition to cut out the abuse justification, incorporate parts of the player's guide, and make it clear that Beast society is messed up. It's a shame, because the playtest draft was a potentially amazing game.

It's development was apparently really strange, with no central development diary and the team having no good way to communicate with each other. Which might have been due to the problematic elements were intentional, I'm a bit unclear on that. You can see the massive course correction happening by Tooth and Nail a year later, but that was partially just admitting that yes Beasts are abusers.

EDIT: I'll also point work out that Beast works a lot better if you remove the justifications in it. It goes from a game about abusers covering for that fact to a game where you play villains who's eventually defeat or victory is supposed to mean something, to teach the next generation. A big part of the issue is that some developers ran with the idea of Beasts as villains, while others tried to make them more heroic

----------


## danielxcutter

I did hear something about someone on the dev team leaving or getting kicked out yeah.

----------


## Lord Raziere

Eh, Beast was never all that appealing to me anyways because even before it changed, you were still this human just having the ability to be this other thing for a bit, but never anything permanent, and yeah I know supernatural is supposed to be secret but y'know, they could've actually made you turn into a monster and have some human disguise rather than be this human with strange soul-happenings.
honestly the whole execution of Beast the Primordial was botched one way or another and is one of the biggest examples of the WoD Auteur rpg Risk: its either going to be incredibly good or very bad and beast landed hard on the bad side of that coinflip. 

* May not derail the thread with CofD talk

* May not be on an elf kick and try to mix together Wh40k Eldar, Tairnadal/Aerenal elves from Eberron, Blood Elves and Nightborne from WoW.
** decadent, death-focused warrior culture elves with an addiction to magic are not better than preachy life-focused nature elves
*** But they are admittedly cooler.

----------


## Rater202

> Eh, Beast was never all that appealing to me anyways because even before it changed, you were still this human just having the ability to be this other thing for a bit, but never anything permanent


Fully transforming into your true self is an endgoal... Though the only way to do it that doens't kind of suck is really, really hard.

Unless a later book added more ways to do it.

----------


## danielxcutter

Its still less suffering than being a Deviant though.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Eh, Beast was never all that appealing to me anyways because even before it changed, you were still this human just having the ability to be this other thing for a bit, but never anything permanent, and yeah I know supernatural is supposed to be secret but y'know, they could've actually made you turn into a monster and have some human disguise rather than be this human with strange soul-happenings.


A) a lot of that is to do with playability, alongside Beasts being quite rare. If your disguise fails in some way you become able to interact with humans, and likely even some supernaturals, and this removes the threat of Hunters finding some ways to make it drop.

Plus making the PCs have a human disguise makes the fact that the game is partially retreading Changeling themes. I mean it's retreading a lot from multiple games, but Changeling also focused on folklore with PCs who only seem human. Except this time you are the Keeper!




> Its still less suffering than being a Deviant though.


Rider... Angst!
Rider... Snap!
Kamen Rider
Kamen Rider
Rider
Rider!

----------


## danielxcutter

Uuuhhhhhh what?

----------


## DCraw

*When asked what my character's goal is, "Deicide" is not an acceptable answer.
** No, "Genocide" is not better.
***Nor is "Xenocide"
**** What the heck is "Phenocide"? ... Don't answer that ...
***** All *cides are banned.
****** Ok, I'll make an exception for homicide, patricide, and fratricide, but only where narratively relevant. Or funny.

[edit]: forgot xenocide

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Uuuhhhhhh what?


The premise of Deviant is very similar to the standard template for a Showa-era Kamen Rider show. Just with a greater tendency to go full Tetsuto.

----------


## danielxcutter

I mean seriously, Deviants are more unstable than the guys who _had their souls replaced by literal nightmares._ I think only Prometheans have it as bad.

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> *When asked what my character's goal is, "Deicide" is not an acceptable answer.
> ** No, "Genocide" is not better.
> ***Nor is "Xenocide"
> **** What the heck is "Phenocide"? ... Don't answer that ...
> ***** All *cides are banned.
> ****** Ok, I'll make an exception for homicide, patricide, and fratricide, but only where narratively relevant. Or funny.
> 
> [edit]: forgot xenocide


 Those are all lesser included cases of MurderHobo.  :Small Big Grin:

----------


## dspeyer

> *When asked what my character's goal is, "Deicide" is not an acceptable answer.


> My goal is to kill all the gods

> And replace them with something better, right?

> ...

> And replace them with something better, RIGHT?

* This is a Things I May Not Do thread, not a meme thread

----------


## Lord Raziere

* Abyssal Exalted are not "walking darwin award givers"
** May not patiently wait for people to do something stupid in my presence _then_ kill them
*** may not look down on murderhobos as "unchivalrous slaughterers with no grasp of the proper art of killing"
**** The Abyssal Exalted solution to the trolley problem is not "let the train run over the five people, then go to the one still alive and give a speech about how death will come for them to someday."
***** May not ask "to the death?" in response to every challenge to a duel I get.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* My character concept is supposed to be more developed than 'kung Fu nun'.

----------


## Metastachydium

> ***** May not ask "to the death?" in response to every challenge to a duel I get.


but that's mainly because the answer "no, to the _pain_" will get tired fast.

----------


## Rater202

My origin story can't be "human injected with Godzilla DNA."

----------


## danielxcutter

Counterpoint: there are probably at least half a dozen systems where that actually makes sense.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> My origin story can't be "human injected with Godzilla DNA."


* Or "transgender girl intentionally activated a weapon to turn herself into a female mini-gamera person"
** she may not be called "Glamera"
*** Her turtle form may not as a consequence be a glamorous purple-pink-blue thing full of pretty crystals
**** nor may she be a Transformed in a Masks the Generation game who doesn't regret her transformation.

----------


## danielxcutter

Is this a specific reference, and if so context plz :p

----------


## Lord Raziere

> Is this a specific reference, and if so context plz :p


Gamera is a japanese kaiju, of a similar popularity and status as godzilla at least in Japan, but is a turtle, good-hearted and friend to all children unlike godzilla who is more anti-heroic and fire plasma breath from his mouth.

----------


## danielxcutter

> Gamera is a japanese kaiju, of a similar popularity and status as godzilla at least in Japan, but is a turtle, good-hearted and friend to all children unlike godzilla who is more anti-heroic and fire plasma breath from his mouth.


I meant the other stuff like the trans girl with crystals.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> I meant the other stuff like the trans girl with crystals.


Oh that isn't a reference, thats just my character for a Masks game. at first I was aiming for a mothra-like form but a name generator gave me "Glamera" and just had to use it.

* May not make a Sidereal Chosen of Secrets who just goes around acting like a mysterious mentor to everybody with cryptic advice hinting at greater destinies for them without any intention of following through
** My Chosen of Journeys may not have a flaw that gives them a bad sense of direction on the level of Ryoga Hibiki or Zorro.
*** my Chosen of Battles may not insist on people solving things with duels
**** my Chosen of Serenity may not be romance fan fic writer that can be make her pairings true
***** My chosen of Secrets may not accidentally reveal secrets to people because she is a blabbermouth or reveal that the Exalted 3e Sidereals kickstarter comes out on the 22nd
****** There is always an ending sure, but my Chosen of Endings may not state it at the end of every meal or every step.

----------


## Telok

> My origin story can't be "human injected with Godzilla DNA."


Seems fine to me... having a problem thinking of games (with the appropriate kaiju being potentially present) where it would be inappropriate... and I just though of one but it's a Pride & Prejudice knockoff so... nope, that one's good to go, you're just a delusional weirdo.

Game on!

Thread tax:
May not blackmail the DM into playing a legitimate decent caring hero in the next game I run by pumping all my magic-user character's gold into upgrades for the fighter, keeping my casting to the less powerful spells, and not over optimizing the common fighter skill checks on my spellcaster so they actually work more than half the time like they do for the fighter.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> Seems fine to me... having a problem thinking of games (with the appropriate kaiju being potentially present) where it would be inappropriate... and I just though of one but it's a Pride & Prejudice knockoff so... nope, that one's good to go, you're just a delusional weirdo.


Hunter: the Vigil springs to mind (even the Cheiron Group will just try grafting the bits on). Also probably some of the lower magic lower tech fantasy games, I'd need to double check their bestiaries and I left them at home.

But any game intended for superheroic or mythic power levels can probably handle it. Even some lower powered games wouldn't blink an eye at it, I can certainly imagine the less ethical portions of the Technocracy and SoE performing such experiments. It really depends on how much of the powers you want, and if you want an actual Kaiju form.

----------


## danielxcutter

Looks like I wasn't the only one thinking of the 'Crats, heh. Given that some examples I've seen of their combat constructs are stuff like clones of historical legends like the Paris one with Legendary Firearms, or the Achilles clone with Legendary for _all_ his physical stats, a bunch of linear sorcerer rotes which jack up his combat capabilities even further, and enhancements that run the gamut from "I am the reincarnation of a demigod" to "I am a cutting-edge Technocratic WMD" to "I have werewolf or other supernatural grafts" to "Fite Gud" and an entire Construct dedicated to supporting him, or the clone of one of the Inner Circle members who uses her vampire-derived biology as enhancements, part of her paradigm, _and_ Blatancy.

Actually I can see stuff like that be justification for a Deviant in the nWoD, both the Godzilla stuff and the TU-esque combat construct things. Heck, they even share the word Progenitor, and a lot of oWoD Progenitors probably act like nWoD Progenitors.

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## Telok

> . Also probably some of the lower magic lower tech fantasy games, I'd need to double check their bestiaries and I left them at home.
> 
> But any game intended for superheroic or mythic power levels can probably handle it. Even some lower powered games wouldn't blink an eye at it,


Honestly, once you're at "delusional weirdo thinks he's a Frankenstein's monster knockoff created with the vital essence of a giant fire breathing lizard" you can do it in basically any decently half functional rpg. The game managing to fit big G style kaiju in is just bonus points after that.

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## Bohandas

*The setting of _Exalted_ is not to be described as "Weeaboo Rome"

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## Lord Raziere

Exalted:
* May not refer to Yu-shan as "Los Angeles"
** the Division of Endings while having a bunch of weird nerdy obsessions do not play Warhammer 40,000 with jade miniatures
*** while they do play cards, they do not play magic the gathering, yu-gi-oh or pokemon tcg
**** despite appearances across three editions, ambrosia are not chocolate coins
***** Yu-shan work culture may not be described as "a bunch of gods and sidereals with bloodshot eyes holding a gun to the concept of work and threatening to shoot it any time while they party, do drugs, debate and do whatever they can to relax"
****** Abyssals, Getimians, Infernals, all enemies of the Sidereals are some of the few people who can remember them but this does not automatically make them romance material
******* yes Yu-shan has a train to transport people now. yes there are robberies on that train. still may not make a Sidereal cowgirl with flame pieces who rides it hoping they get to fight them, or a Getimian cowgirl who intends to pull off a great ambrosia robbery from it. 
******** May not make a mortal who lives in Heaven whose entire thing is to realize there are 100 Exalted humans who get to live wealthy lives while all the others humans in Yu-shan have to eke out a living wherever they can....repeatedly, every time they remember Sidereals exist filling them with the same rage all over again before they inevitably forget.

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## Anonymouswizard

* The Games of Divinity do not feature loot boxes.

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## Bohandas

*Deep Thought from _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ did not simply leave off a zero

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## danielxcutter

> * The Games of Divinity do not feature loot boxes.


Well that might explain why the Unconquered Tsun Sun is so addicted to it... it's literally divine gacha.

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## Bohandas

*The sonic screwdriver is not to be referred to as a "sufficiently-advanced wand"

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## Spore

> *The setting of _Exalted_ is not to be described as "Weeaboo Rome"


Why would you say something so controversial, yet so true?

* D&D despite often played on top of a table does NOT carry the spirit of tabletop wargames.
** I am not to plan to ambush my future party with 80% lethal battle plans and saying "this is what duergar would do."
*** Their racial spells are invisibility and enlarge person, but having them clobber the party with 6 foot long "shortswords" for sneak attacks is more akin to a bloody massacre than a subtle ambush.
**** If they SOMEHOW survive, I am NOT having a draconic sorcerer casting Fireball and several salamander attack them directly after that to "teach them about elemental resistances".
***** This is a roleplaying game, not a roguelike. Even if you thought "roguelike" stems from the inherent property of rogues dying very quickly from stupid actions.

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## danielxcutter

*While memes about Hollow Ones being edgy goths are funny, this is only the case the first hundred times.
**No, I am not allowed to actually play an edgy goth Hollow One.

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## Lord Raziere

* Emphatic Denial: Alchemical Exalted speaking like HK-47 is not a sign that they've succumbed to Gremlin Syndrome
** Reasonable Admission: Alchemicals referring to mortals as "meatbag" however may be.
*** Extrapolation: One can even make the argument that an Alchemical speaking like this is a sign of heightening Clarity due to human warmth being replaced with efficient labels for emotional states instead of expressing them

* The Games of Divinity's gacha is not a bunch of Exalts
** Dragon-Blooded are not the common gacha
*** Exigents are not the uncommons
**** Lunars aren't the rares
***** Solars aren't the super rares
****** Sidereals are not the Ultra Rares
******* Lytek is not the person who makes these Exalted gacha and he is not busy making Liminal, Getimian, Abyssal and Infernal ones

* Getimians are not the only ones who can see or know the Dream-Souled, Hearteaters or Umbrals
** Just because they're Apocryphal doesn't mean the Getimians know what they are
*** Or that Getimians come from people who would otherwise Exalt as those Exalted types
**** Apocryphal Exalts do not have something similar to arcane fate upon them like Sidereals making sure they don't have an impact on the setting because everyone forgets them

* Chosen of Journeys are not banana flavored
** Serenities are not blueberry flavored
*** Battles are not strawberry flavored
**** Secrets are not green apple flavored
***** Endings are not grape flavored
****** There is no such thing as Sidereal Soda in Yu-shan.

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## Rockphed

> ****** There is no such thing as Sidereal Soda in Yu-shan.


******* You cannot create it as an extra trap for young Sidereals to waste their salaries upon.

* While holidays should be fun, I should use someone other than my drunk uncle Phil as a basis for what to do on them.
** Yes, sometimes holidays involve bringing outside things inside, but I cannot have a Pelor-day compost pile in the kitchen.
*** Yes, sometimes holidays take inside things outside, but I cannot have Vecna-day involve stringing plates from the exterior of everyone's homes.
**** Thorsday Thursday does not involve giant bunnies eating trees.

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## noob

> ******* You cannot create it as an extra trap for young Sidereals to waste their salaries upon.


Is it a trap if the soda tastes good?

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## Rater202

*If I am not a Noise Marine, I am not allowed to have a Dubstep Gun.

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## TeChameleon

* If we treat an encounter as a minor nuisance and chat about our strategy for a while, the DM is fully within their rights to just have them shoot us.
** The fact that this accomplished nothing doesn't prove anything.

* The correct response to "Surrender and your life will be spared" _is_ shooting them in the face, but gloating about it is considered poor form.

* Not allowed to speculate as to exactly what was going through the enemy mook's mind when my monk casually backhanded fully half the encounter out of existence, flew over to him, and whiffed so hard that my monk broke his own arm.  And then kicked him so hard in the chest that the mook's lungs were ejected over the side of the airship. (critical fail and critical success on subsequent attacks)
** Not out loud, anyways.

* If our slightly sociopathic rogue comments that he feels sorry for the attacking pirates because they got my monk's attention, my monk may be a bit on the violent side.

* Not allowed to complain when my character requests maps as a quest reward (backstory reasons) and is given an overpowered magic item instead.

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## Bohandas

*The lyrics to the song _Santa Claus Is Coming to Town_ do not contain the line "his gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth, and flesh"
**nor does it have any lyrics in common with the song _Electric Eye_ by Judas Priest

*The Kingdom of Make-Believe from _Mr.Rogers' Neighborhood_ was not destroyed by the band Imagine Dragons

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## Spore

> *The lyrics to the song _Santa Claus Is Coming to Town_ do not contain the line "his gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth, and flesh"
> **nor does it have any lyrics in common with the song _Electric Eye_ by Judas Priest
> 
> *The Kingdom of Make-Believe from _Mr.Rogers' Neighborhood_ was not destroyed by the band Imagine Dragons


*Santa-struck is not sung by AC/DC.

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## TeChameleon

* The compliment "you have the soul of a poet" should not involve the spell _Magic Jar_

* Calling yourself a Warrior Poet is not an excuse to stab people who give your poems bad reviews
** If you insist on reciting awful poetry in-character as a bard, people stabbing you will *be* the bad reviews

* The Bard school equivalent to Hogwarts is not called Porksyphilis

And it's looking like it's coming up on time to name the next thread!  Only suggestion I've got off the top of my head, though, is 

"The DM is not your Therapist"

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## dspeyer

From today's session:

* When my DM says "If you drive me to drink before one die is rolled..." and trails off, my response should not be to rapidly open my dice-bag and roll the first one I grab.

Hmm...  "I may not drive my DM to drink" is a possible thread title, but I think I like "The DM is not your Therapist" better

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## Rockphed

> * The compliment "you have the soul of a poet" should not involve the spell _Magic Jar_
> 
> * Calling yourself a Warrior Poet is not an excuse to stab people who give your poems bad reviews
> ** If you insist on reciting awful poetry in-character as a bard, people stabbing you will *be* the bad reviews
> 
> * The Bard school equivalent to Hogwarts is not called Porksyphilis
> 
> And it's looking like it's coming up on time to name the next thread!  Only suggestion I've got off the top of my head, though, is 
> 
> "The DM is not your Therapist"


I have a friend from high school whose husband just got his degree in therapy.  He uses D&D in his therapy sessions.  I do not know details.

I think "Straitjacket Not Included" is a viable thread title.
"Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XIV: Tell Me More About Giant Bunnies"
"Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XIV: Invasion of Captain Literally"
"Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XIV: Quenching the Fire Eternal"

I think all of those will meet the board requirements for title length without issue.  I know that the current thread's title is exactly the correct number of characters to fit (and 4 characters too long to show up properly in each reply).  Looks like 81 characters is the max.

* Snails make poor mounts.
* Even if I hand-wave the metabolic and physical requirements for a 3-ton flying squirrel to work, they still make bad mounts.
** Making it half dragon does not make it better.

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## Bohandas

*May not suggest that the Scarecrow from Wizard of Ozwoukd be completely invincibke if he was stuffed with asbestos

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## Telok

> *May not suggest that the Scarecrow from Wizard of Ozwoukd be completely invincibke if he was stuffed with asbestos


* No more "everyone else in the party save vs cancer" PCs was mentioned years ago.

** Still not allowed plutonium dragons in my world building.
*** The uranium dragon is just as bad.
**** Time elementals are right out because nobody likes "save vs turning into disassociated gametes" on every hit.

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## Reltzik

* I do not gain Cold Resistance just because I'm a Thawmaturge.
** -100 XP for intentionally misspelling that on my character sheet.

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## Rockphed

> * I do not gain Cold Resistance just because I'm a Thawmaturge.
> ** -100 XP for intentionally misspelling that on my character sheet.


*** I am not allowed to take a level in Thaumaturge using an elementalist class specializing in fire and a cleric of the god of cold/winter.
**** Specializing in cold and worshiping fire is also forbidden.
***** If my peak powers are best described as "summon glacier" and "cause global warming", I will get a book to the face.
****** "Summon Sea Level Rise" and "Punch hole in the ozone layer" just make me sound like a _Captain Planet_ villain.

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## danielxcutter

> *** I am not allowed to take a level in Thaumaturge using an elementalist class specializing in fire and a cleric of the god of cold/winter.
> **** Specializing in cold and worshiping fire is also forbidden.
> ***** If my peak powers are best described as "summon glacier" and "cause global warming", I will get a book to the face.
> ****** "Summon Sea Level Rise" and "Punch hole in the ozone layer" just make me sound like a _Captain Planet_ villain.


So, Pentex employee.

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## DCraw

* No matter how cathartic it may be to run, "Red Shirts and Brown Pants: a day in the life of a town guard" is not an acceptable theme for a campaign.

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## Bohandas

> ***** If my peak powers are best described as "summon glacier" and "cause global warming", I will get a book to the face.


IIRC there's literally a cause global warming spell in D&D 3.5. It's from _Sandstorm_ I think.

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## dspeyer

> * No matter how cathartic it may be to run, "Red Shirts and Brown Pants: a day in the life of a town guard" is not an acceptable theme for a campaign.


** I should not select a system based on how quickly new characters can be rolled up even if "quickly" is how my players will go through them.
*** This is not how Kobolds Ate My Baby got written

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## danielxcutter

> IIRC there's literally a cause global warming spell in D&D 3.5. It's from _Sandstorm_ I think.


One of the Epic Spells, the direct opposite of the Ice Age spell IIRC.

It's not exactly practical.

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## Bohandas

*there's more to being a wind mage than just eating beans

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## Spore

> *there's more to being a wind mage than just eating beans


There is some build idea brewing in my head surrounding the idea of "Control Winds", "Fog Cloud", "Obscuring Mist", "Cloudkill" and "Stinking Cloud tho.

*I may not class their class an olfactor.
** If I spam the last page of an old thread with a bad fart pun I am to summon the wise men to name the new thread.

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## danielxcutter

I suspect more than the last two together would be redundant though. Also we're on the last page so new thread needed SoonTM.

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## KorvinStarmast

* May no longer break up a riot (dozens of angry townsfolk in the worst part of town wielding bricks, stones, pitch forks and torches) using the gust of wind spell as a fire hose. 
*Spoiler: Wait, what?* 
Show

(Yes, it worked)

----------


## Bohandas

*If I'm starting to see things Friend Computer's way in real life, I may need some rest

----------


## Pauly

> *there's more to being a wind mage than just eating beans


* Theres more to being a Wind Bard than singing beans, beans the magical fruit 

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## TeChameleon

* Being able to defeat a Zone of Truth through sheer social awkwardness is not a positive thing when we're in a (relatively) friendly capital under suspicion of mass murder.
** Pointing out that I can kick an armoured man's lungs out through his back does not do anything to diffuse the tension, no.
*** Getting frustrated and even more awkward doesn't really help matters either.
**** Apparently pointing out that I (in character, obviously) neither know nor care what kingdom/duchy/whatever we're in, which makes plotting harm against it impractical at best, is also not the right answer.

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## Telok

* Not allowed to muderize, derail, torture, maim, terrify, and arson my way through a campaign to reinforce my "this character is not a bard, the class combo was chosen because it mechanically matches the character better than anything else" speech & 5 sentence backstory that I gave to the GM.

** Not allowed to shortcut major parts of the adventure by skinning "friendly" npcs alive for information.

*** Still not ok even if I didn't know they were a plot relevant npc.

**** I should tone down my reaction to GMs who are so overwhelmed by unintuitive mechanics & official adventure crap organization, that they keep defaulting to "class = personality" and can't remember basic character info like "not a bard" for ten minutes even after I've said it four times.

***** May not add another notch to my clipboard for accidentally crushing a new GM with logical ration merciless amoral efficent in-character actions backed up by the character's backstory, personality game mechanics, and alignment.

----------


## Bohandas

*May not point out that under the Dark Powers Check rules all of a villains' minions in the ravenloft setting should quickly become independent demilords and that for this reason every villain's plans and operations should quickly fall apart like a ponzi shene

*May not point out that the rules for roleplaying fear to avoid fear checks in Ravenloft creates an incentive for every character to be roleplayed as Courage The Cowardly Dog

EDIT:

*Fenphen is a recalled drug, not a pokemon

EDIT:

*Santa Claus was not on the HUAC

----------


## Anonymouswizard

* My superhero robot Autocop cannot be Three Laws Compliant.

Yes, that actually got banned. In practice I ended up First Law Compliant, but that was mostly due to one player insisting their concept* shouldn't be restricted by PL caps so I could barely damage anything. Autocop spent most of their time putting fences back together at super speed (I'd accidentally bought enough ranks to outrun a train, so I bought more).

Autocop was fun actually, I might bring them back in a future game. They made a habit of posting villains' secret identities to forums in order to gather information, had a retractable siren and helicopter blades, and could deactivate their arms for MOAR SPEED (GM-okayed alternate effect on my Strength's inbuilt Damage power).

* Which was basically Deku from MHA, who is totally PL10.

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## danielxcutter

While that sounds genuinely fun, how do you _accidentally_ buy enough ranks to outrun a train?

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## Anonymouswizard

> While that sounds genuinely fun, how do you _accidentally_ buy enough ranks to outrun a train?


A mixture of forgetting standard train speeds and adding a step or two when converting from metres/second to metres/round. When you literally don't deal with vehicles beyond being a passenger speeds of this level feel a tad abstract.

----------


## Rockphed

> A mixture of forgetting standard train speeds and adding a step or two when converting from metres/second to metres/round. When you literally don't deal with vehicles beyond being a passenger speeds of this level feel a tad abstract.


There is a high speed train that goes 3 miles per hour. Okay, so it is carting 200 ton radio dishes around a dried up lake bed and it might count as as axillary vehicle more than a train, but it does run on high speed track.

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## Anonymouswizard

> There is a high speed train that goes 3 miles per hour.


I'm not talking about American trains  :Small Tongue: 

But yeah, I was looking to outrun a speeding car, and bought a rank higher than needed. Which let me outrun the Eurostar, so I just bought more and became the team speedster.

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## Rater202

I cannot play as a character who accidentally becomes a god.

----------


## danielxcutter

Okay but in Pathfinder there's literally precedent.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> I cannot play as a character who accidentally becomes a god.


I mean, in most games I own where you become a god you tend not to do it on purpose  :Small Wink: 

Although admittedly it's because those games are Nobilis and Scion, where divinity requires you to either be born into it, have a sponsor, or both. I actually really like that in Scion 2e normal people can start on the road to godhood, but it's a kind of ****ty deal until you begin internalising power as the person providing the divinity can just decide to take it all back if you don't play along.

Then you've got games where the definition of 'godhood' is murky. Supers systems are great for this, as getting powers by accident is a standard trope and every setting has a different definition of godhood. Aberrant springs to mind, as at least one NPC is pretty much officially confirmed to eventually make their own universe and there's no indication that you get a choice as to what powers you develop. It's possible, but unlikely, to be a Dark Star Nova until you suddenly develop Universe Creation.

----------


## Rater202

> I mean, in most games I own where you become a god you tend not to do it on purpose


An actual character I'm playing as is pursuing a path to power that will culminate in apotheosis by the standards of the setting.

She does not know this, actively denies the existence of some of the abilities she's set to develop and is in fact an atheist.

I find the irony to be amusing.

----------


## Anonymouswizard

> An actual character I'm playing as is pursuing a path to power that will culminate in apotheosis by the standards of the setting.
> 
> She does not know this, actively denies the existence of some of the abilities she's set to develop and is in fact an atheist.
> 
> I find the irony to be amusing.


Eh, it's maybe a tad unusual, but 'ascend by accident' really isn't that uncommon (it's probably the most common way Archetypes are created in UA, for example). Doing so while being an atheist or misotheist is rarer, but give me a day and Google and I could probably pull out multiple examples.

Like settings where you can't unintentionally hit godhood are pretty rare, Mage the Awakening springs to mind but you can argue over where godhood begins in that game (practically everybody hits their first Awakening by accident, but achieving a second one has to be intentional). It's best to sit back, magic up a top hat, and enjoy your apotheosis in style.


* My Deviant's backstory cannot be 'spent six years as the research material for Thaumatechnology'.
** Even if it's probably how The Cheiron Group makes most of theirs.

----------


## Lord Raziere

Yeah, its the people who _intentionally_ seek godhood that are the ones that tend to fail. Or at least, achieve for about a minute before they somehow get defeated by some determined heroes who don't have divine power anyways.  Accidental godhoods on the other hand are a surprise and thus generally go to people who work on the "I never desired power thus I end up getting the most" twist ending form of irony and thus tend to stick. 

* May not be a determined hero who says "well clearly I defeated god with just my determination and skill, so clearly I'm more powerful than god and thus omnipotence already"
** May not then do stuff like forcefully make my love interest come back to life with pure determination thus breaking all aesops about death and moving on since I'm more powerful than omnipotence
*** May not respond to protests about how this makes no sense with "I killed god, which is powerful than sense, therefore I'm more powerful than things making sense, therefore I don't need to make any"
**** May not make all the megalomaniacal villains seeking godhood cry by pointing out all their convoluted efforts were pointless and useless compared to me just leveling up a lot and that they could've gotten my power just by grinding some monsters over and over again.

----------


## Rater202

In a dragon ball themed game, I can't introduce a family of Majins named Yoomoh, Goowayguy, Fighdy, and Zhouw.

----------


## Lord Raziere

> In a dragon ball themed game, I can't introduce a family of Majins named Yoomoh, Goowayguy, Fighdy, and Zhouw.


** Or Azeriath, Metrione and Zinthos. 
*** or Please, Thank and Yu
**** or Fuego, Forzare, Fliccum and Biccus
***** or Expelliarmus, Cruciatus, Avada, Wingardium, Sectum, Kedavra, Patronus, Leviosa and Sempra, etc
******  or Kagebunshinnojutsu, Rasengan and Chidori
******* or Flare, Ultima, Photon, and Curaga

----------


## Bohandas

> * May not be a determined hero who says "well clearly I defeated god with just my determination and skill, so clearly I'm more powerful than god and thus omnipotence already"
> ** May not then do stuff like forcefully make my love interest come back to life with pure determination thus breaking all aesops about death and moving on since I'm more powerful than omnipotence
> *** May not respond to protests about how this makes no sense with "I killed god, which is powerful than sense, therefore I'm more powerful than things making sense, therefore I don't need to make any"
> **** May not make all the megalomaniacal villains seeking godhood cry by pointing out all their convoluted efforts were pointless and useless compared to me just leveling up a lot and that they could've gotten my power just by grinding some monsters over and over again.


Isn't that basically _Journey to the West_?

edit:
Except the second one, that's the end of the _Hellboy_ movie

----------


## danielxcutter

Okay but we really need a new thread at this point.

----------


## Bohandas

*"good and evil exist as concrete forces in this setting" does not mean that I should spend 5 billion gp to build a 27 mile long philosophy accelerator

----------


## PhoenixPhyre

* I'm not allowed to play up beholders in their true insanity any more. Because it turns out I'm too good at it and it seriously weirds people out.
** No, being insane doesn't mean it knows Monty Python references.
*** When asked "What is your quest" by a crazy ancient beholder, answering "to find the Holy Grail" is not, in fact, the correct answer. Unless you really are on a quest to find that object.

----------


## Laughing Dog

New Thread!

----------


## KorvinStarmast

> * I'm not allowed to play up beholders in their true insanity any more. Because it turns out I'm too good at it and it seriously weirds people out.
> ** No, being insane doesn't mean it knows Monty Python references.
> *** When asked "What is your quest" by a crazy ancient beholder, answering "to find the Holy Grail" is not, in fact, the correct answer. Unless you really are on a quest to find that object.


 I am so mad at my mother-in-law now for coming over and making my option to play on New Year's Eve moot. 

** must not commit M-I-Lcide over missing a D&D session.  :Small Furious:

----------

