# Forum > Gaming > Roleplaying Games > D&D 5e/Next >  Dad insults

## Skrum

Let's suppose I was making a bard character that's themed around being the Dad-est guy around. A jokester, a bit of a tease, but more than anything, he wants to see you succeed. 

But don't get on his bad side! His verbal takedowns are enough to cut even the biggest monsters down to size. What are some Dad-flavored insults to use with Vicious Mockery?

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## Segev

> Let's suppose I was making a bard character that's themed around being the Dad-est guy around. A jokester, a bit of a tease, but more than anything, he wants to see you succeed. 
> 
> But don't get on his bad side! His verbal takedowns are enough to cut even the biggest monsters down to size. What are some Dad-flavored insults to use with Vicious Mockery?


"I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed."

"Is that really your best?"

"At least you tried," especially said in response to something not obviously a complete failure.

"I expected better from you."

In response to any declaration of intended action, for example, 'I am going to kill you!': "Wow, your father must have really hated you, to name you that . Hi, I-Am-Going-To-Kill-You; I'm Dad." Possibly switch the sentence order.

"I see you're just like my joke about paper!" Just as they open their mouth to respond in any way, continue: "Tearable!"

Compliment each of the other monsters in the enemy group by name or obvious trait. Name the target, and shrug, adding lamely, "You're here, at least?"

Proudly, but as if to a small child who took TWO steps before falling over: "Wow! Look what you did all by yourself! You're improving so much!"

Especially to a smaller size category target than the Dad Bard: "You look so grown up in your little [article of clothing or posture/pose]."

"Don't make me come over there."

"At least your mother isn't here to see this."

"Very impressive!" As if talking to a child on his first try. "But you'd do better if you tried [basic element of the thing the target is doing]." If the target indicates in any way that it is doing that thing: "Oh, well, you'll get it eventually if you keep practicing."

"Your father would be so disappointed if he could see you here/now." Any pushback about the target's father being more pleased than disappointed gets responded to with: "Then I am sorry you had/have such a lousy father."

"Go play over there. The adults have important things to discuss."

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## Silpharon

Segev, you're amazing! :D

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## animorte

> Segev, you're amazing! :D


I agree. Segev listed more dad tropes than dad jokes, which was still a wonderful read.

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## Segev

Thanks! Glad they helped.  :Small Big Grin: 

Since it was supposed to be a take-down, I figured the ways dads can cut a kid to the quick  especially unintentionally  would be good deliberate slams when backed by magic.

I am glad they amused, and hope they're useful for the game.

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## Skrum

Lol these are amazing. I've been waffling on whether to make this character or not (I traditionally have not have a ton of fun playing bards), but this makes me want to give it another shot.

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## animorte

> Lol these are amazing. I've been waffling on whether to make this character or not (I traditionally have not have a ton of fun playing bards), but this makes me want to give it another shot.


My wife bought a Shakespearean insults book to go with her Lore Bard some time ago and its been hilarious in _and_ out of play.

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## Sayeth

All these are accurate, but I'd like to add some that I find myself saying:

"Don't make me come up there!"

"We're going to have a little talk when we get home."

"You can be mad, but you can't be bad."

Of course there's some that I don't use because I won't threaten my children with violence, but are old classics:

"You're cruisin' for a bruisin', son."

"This is going to hurt me a lot more than it'll hurt you."

"I brought you into this world and I can take you out again too."

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## Sparky McDibben

"Ice cream is for winners, champ."

With suggestion: "Now you go sit in the corner and think about what you've done."

"Don't make me go get your mother..."

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## animorte

One of my favorite moments on this idea is actually from Ed, Edd, n Eddy: _No Sarah! Please dont tell mom! If you tell mom then shes gonna tell dad then hes gonna say, Not now, I just got home from work. _

Youve got until the count of three.

I will turn this car around.

Do as I say, not as I do.

We do not take his name in vain!

Inside voice.

When you go to that room, you better keep the door open.

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## Segev

> Inside voice.


That's totally a verbal component for a _silence_ spell.

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## Pex

"I got your nose!"

Verbal component for Stinking Cloud:
"Pull my finger."

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## KorvinStarmast

> "I expected better from you."


 That will work now and again. 



> "I see you're just like my joke about paper!" Just as they open their mouth to respond in any way, continue: "Tearable!"


 Oh dear, have you been taking lessons from Phoenix? 



> "You look so grown up in your little [article of clothing or posture/pose]."


 Cackle. 



> "Go play over there. The adults have important things to discuss."


 heh, I think I know a situation in game where I can use that ...  :Small Smile: 



> Verbal component for Stinking Cloud:
> "Pull my finger."


 Stealing this!  :Small Smile:

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## Skrum

> "I got your nose!"
> 
> Verbal component for Stinking Cloud:
> "Pull my finger."


lol already on his character sheet and renamed. Well I called Thunderclap "pull my finger." Stinking Cloud got "Shouldna Pulled My Finger"

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## animorte

The verbal component for my _darkness_ spell was, Its lights out!

Hey, maybe thats another thing we could start doing, providing where and how we might use some of things as examples!

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## Sparky McDibben

> Hey, maybe thats another thing we could start doing, providing where and how we might use some of things as examples!


This thread is becoming insanely wholesome and I love it!

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## J-H

Things I say...

"Don't throw inside!"

"Use your inside voice."

"[name] Look at me.  I'm going to give you an instruction.  If you choose to disobey, you will earn an extra chore.  [instruction]."  Not sure if that counts as Intimidation or Persuasion.

"Choices have consequences."

"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well."

"You chose to allow yourself to be distracted."

"Not making a choice is a choice."

For the party after a dungeon "What did we learn today that will help us do better in the future?"

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## Demonslayer666

I feel like there should be a reference to holding the flashlight, er... bullseye lantern while working on the wagon.

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## MutantDragon

> Things I say...
> 
> "[name] Look at me.  I'm going to give you an instruction.  If you choose to disobey, you will earn an extra chore.  [instruction]."  Not sure if that counts as Intimidation or Persuasion.


Probably intimidation. Persuasion would be something like "Please do x," or "If you do x on time, we'll go get ice cream," while intimidation is along those lines of "Do x or the negative thing y will occur." That's my interpretation anyway. Persuasion for making them want to do something and intimidation for making them want to avoid the consequences of not doing it.

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## Pex

Verbal component for Heat Metal:

"I told you not to touch the thermostat!"

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