Ionathus's Random Banter #249 -- Directionless Rambling Is Now Mandatory

[Rater202]

Proof that I have a weird brain.


I saw this last night and all I can think about is how horribly inefficient that is.

That's very much "hat on a hat." Most of what's been added here doesn't really improve the overall power of the rig to justify the resource acquisition and...

Like, the Omnitrix stores the stuff you have on your person when you transform using it, so you're losing everything else so it basically serves no purpose. The stuff being infused into the Omnitrix might be kept, but... Like, "Way Big but with the carnage symbiote, a reach scarab, and kryptonite/vibranium alloy weapons" isn't much stronger than Waybig, and kryptonite's usage is honestly rather situational.

..Not to mention that doesn't look like it's very well shielded and prolonged exposure to kryptonite can induce radiation sickness and/or cancer.

If you have the completed infinity gauntlet, the "Ant-Man Button" and assorted rings of power are superfluous since it can already do everything those can, and are you really going to go around wearing a ring that corrupts people and tempts them into evil in an effort to serve it's true master when you've got all that other crap?

and what exactly is stopping the Carnage symbiote from escaping and using all of that stuff to murder you horrifically?

[Peelee]

According to folklore there are still technically a bunch of laws where in [English city] if you meet a Welshman during [period of time] it is legal to shoot him with a crossbow.

It has to be on your land, but you can also just claim land by throwing a hatchet into the ground to mark four corners.

[LaZodiac]

Pft. The walls aren't even carpeted!

Bathrooms should look like perfectly pristine linoleum and the throw rug that exists purely to stop you from slipping out of the shower and nothing else!

Do you not know the legend of the Dread Gazebo?

TL/DR: An old-school D&D group are playing, DM describes a gazebo on the hill, and one guy doesn't know what it is and thinks it's a monster and a sustained misunderstanding results in the GM just deciding "okay, you know what, the gazebo gets up and kills you."

Admittedly, I'm not sure what it has to do with liquor or arcade games.

I did know about the Dread Gazebo, but only conceptually. I knew none of the actual details of it beyond "people misunderstood it as a monster name".

I'm referencing a Michael McIntyre sketch where he insists that any word means drunk if you're posh enough. That was his example.

The cis-hets do it more! Apparently generally it happens when you're utterly submerged, meet a cute person, and discover you both live with your parents.

According to folklore there are still technically a bunch of laws where in [English city] if you meet a Welshman during [period of time] it is legal to shoot him with a crossbow.

Aaah. Neat! I've always been fond of snackered when it comes to describing being overly drunk.

I'm aware of that! They shouldn't do that either!! This is why hotels with really cheap rent need to still exist damnit stop being freaks in public you're going to ruin your life!

Last I checked it's still legal to settle things by duel in Canada, so long as it's a fair and balanced game of skill and no harm is done to either person by the other.

[Ionathus]

...which is one of many reasons I shouldn't be added to acid.

You've had some great lines over the years but i really want you to know just how much i appreciate the sheer brilliance of this one. Bravo!

Seconded!

Well, enderlord99, I promise to respect your wishes and almost never add you to acid.

Incidentally: if that's "one" reason...what are, say, four more among the "many"? :P

Very cool. I didn't know queer arcades existed. I thought arcades in general were kinda disappearing.

They're definitely having a (niche) resurgence in my area. It's an obvious appeal to millennials and Gen Zs, who now have disposable income and want to relive the arcade experience -- but now, while drinking overpriced IPAs! Basically any larger city in the U.S. is gonna have at least a few.

It's not just retro games, either -- there are some recently-created arcade games like Killer Queen and DeathBall. DeathBall is actually a LOT of fun: fast, two-player goofy fun. I highly recommend playing it if you ever get the chance!

Killer Queen is good too, but it's a behemoth of a game and you need 10 relatively-evenly-matched players to make it really work. One person who's too good can really ruin the fun.

Keith Baker has mentioned that elementals see everything around them as their constituent elements. Humanoids are mostly globs of water.

A marid in the campaign I'm running refers to all humanoid institutions, collectively, as "sandcastles."

As in, "oh, that's right, you were headed back to that little sandcastle up the coast!" (referring to Waterdeep).

He's not a jerk -- he's quite friendly, in fact. He just thinks of humanoid accomplishments like you or I would think of...well, a toddler's sandcastle. Good work, kiddo, but don't get too attached...the ocean always wins...

[LaZodiac]

Proof that I have a weird brain.


I saw this last night and all I can think about is how horribly inefficient that is.

That's very much "hat on a hat." Most of what's been added here doesn't really improve the overall power of the rig to justify the resource acquisition and...

Like, the Omnitrix stores the stuff you have on your person when you transform using it, so you're losing everything else so it basically serves no purpose. The stuff being infused into the Omnitrix might be kept, but... Like, "Way Big but with the carnage symbiote, a reach scarab, and kryptonite/vibranium alloy weapons" isn't much stronger than Waybig, and kryptonite's usage is honestly rather situational.

..Not to mention that doesn't look like it's very well shielded and prolonged exposure to kryptonite can induce radiation sickness and/or cancer.

If you have the completed infinity gauntlet, the "Ant-Man Button" and assorted rings of power are superfluous since it can already do everything those can, and are you really going to go around wearing a ring that corrupts people and tempts them into evil in an effort to serve it's true master when you've got all that other crap?

and what exactly is stopping the Carnage symbiote from escaping and using all of that stuff to murder you horrifically?

This entire thing strikes me as to why Isekai power fantasies are turbo boring. Your quest for the perfect deu-form existence is far more interesting than "what if i had all the every powers".

[Anonymouswizard]

Aaah. Neat! I've always been fond of snackered when it comes to describing being overly drunk.

I'm aware of that! They shouldn't do that either!! This is why hotels with really cheap rent need to still exist damnit stop being freaks in public you're going to ruin your life!

Last I checked it's still legal to settle things by duel in Canada, so long as it's a fair and balanced game of skill and no harm is done to either person by the other.

There's so many great words for being trousered, why limit yourself to one

Look, they're cis-hets. I don't get it, but they seem to assume not having sex takes effort.

What made you think the Welshman had a crossbow?

Also I'm now imagining you as the Canadian Madame Maupin. You can sing opera, right?

[Metastachydium]

two Irelands

Well. I see you like to live dangerously.

, and... an Isle of Man?

Yep (oddly enough, the other islands also have men, though)! Wales and the Channel Islands are a myth, never the less. No such places!

Well, it is a arcade bar, so it's not JUST an arcade. It's also a bar, which is probably part of what helps it live.

Those are all the rage 'round here too. Well, mostly among low-income gambling addicts, but still.

[Ionathus]

canoodling in the can

The cis-hets do it more!

Not guilty as charged, on this account at least, thank heavens.

However, I will award emergency executive powers to whoever can think of the funniest activity/product to award the tagline "the cis-hets do it more"

Current top contenders₁:

Golden Retriever ownership
Bar trivia
Jigsaw puzzles

*Disclaimer: Pulled purely from myself and my own friend group -- your cis-het experience may vary. No purchase necessary.

That's very much "hat on a hat." Most of what's been added here doesn't really improve the overall power of the rig to justify the resource acquisition and...

Like, the Omnitrix stores the stuff you have on your person when you transform using it, so you're losing everything else so it basically serves no purpose. The stuff being infused into the Omnitrix might be kept, but... Like, "Way Big but with the carnage symbiote, a reach scarab, and kryptonite/vibranium alloy weapons" isn't much stronger than Waybig, and kryptonite's usage is honestly rather situational.

..Not to mention that doesn't look like it's very well shielded and prolonged exposure to kryptonite can induce radiation sickness and/or cancer.

If you have the completed infinity gauntlet, the "Ant-Man Button" and assorted rings of power are superfluous since it can already do everything those can, and are you really going to go around wearing a ring that corrupts people and tempts them into evil in an effort to serve it's true master when you've got all that other crap?

and what exactly is stopping the Carnage symbiote from escaping and using all of that stuff to murder you horrifically?

I love this thing. It's over-the-top ridiculous in the best way -- like the cosplay version of an r/StupidFood post

I would pay a lot of money to watch Brian David Gilbert overanalyze the crap out of this, a la his "Calculate Pet HP" or "Military Structure of Bowser's Army" videos. I want to know which items are pulling their weight, which items should be replaced, what the negative or positive synergies would be, and what the best way to optimize the gauntlet is.

[Anonymouswizard]

Not guilty as charged, on this account at least, thank heavens.

Not each individual cis-hets, I'm talking as a group. There's a whole lot of you, I'm still trying to work out why.

My working theory is that it's a defence mechanism by the law of narrative causality to ensure the continued existence of love triangles.

[Form]

Bathrooms should look like perfectly pristine linoleum and the throw rug that exists purely to stop you from slipping out of the shower and nothing else!

What? No! They should be tiled! With ceramic or porcelain tiles! And any mats should be rubber! Anything else gets infected!

There's so many great words for being trousered, why limit yourself to one

Is this a British thing? Generating all manner of euphemisms for something?

...

Actually, I think I do that too sometimes.

[Batcathat]

My working theory is that it's a defence mechanism by the law of narrative causality to ensure the continued existence of love triangles.

Wouldn't more heterosexual people mean less potential love triangles since there would be less possible combinations of people being into each other?

[Rater202]

This entire thing strikes me as to why Isekai power fantasies are turbo boring. Your quest for the perfect deu-form existence is far more interesting than "what if i had all the every powers".

Like, seriously.... Even if we assume he went on some quest to get tis stuff and assume the best-case scenario...

It's still excessive.

Like, all you really need here is the carnage symbiote, the "blue beatle nanites," and the Omnitrix.

Given that that appears to be OG series one Omnitrix, Greymatter should be part of the default playlist. In "Ken 10" Ben's son Kenny from a possible future was able to use Greymatter to jailbreak his copy of this same model to unlock the master controls and so using Greymatter oneself ne should be able to not only due the same but trigger the reformatting the watch underwent in alien force which unlocked the genetic repair function.

The Carnage symbiote, assuming that we've either found a way to subjugate it or else have cloned a more passive/submissive carnage strain offshoot, has the ability to assimilate substances and materials into itself and there are at least two instances of a symbiote being thoroughly fused with technology, those being Scorn and the Extrembiote. Given that "blue beatle nanites" are techno-organic, it should be simple enough for the symbiote to absorb the nanites and gain all of the functions of a beetle.

The Omnitrix itself also appears to be techno-organic, so once the symbiote has assimilated the nanites bonding to it and the Omnitrix at the same time should allow them to fuse and both reach scarabs and the Omnitrix sort of fuse into your body and thus can't be removed under normal circumstances so the merger would be permanent.

In the second season finale of Alien Force, Ben was able to use the DNA repair and Master control features of the Omnitrix to both cure the sterility of the Highbreed race and patch the genetic code of each individual member with a different set of randomized traits sourced from the rest of the watch's genetic archive in order to help ward off this happening again in the future. Additionally, in the final OG series Omniverse, skurd the slimbeyote, a race of parasites that feed on DNA, was able to interface with the omnitrix and provide Ben wih weapons and armor derived from the DNA of different aliens(the writers were forced to due this to sell more toys) so a symbiote should be able to do the same... Except symbiotes archive DNa permanently in exchange for slower adaptation. Symbiotes, meanwhile, Carnage included, cans restore an infinite amount of genetic information. Thus, with the rebooted and jailbroken Omnitrix, you can just dump the entire archive of alien DNA into Carnage's own gene codex.

then you just sit back and let symbiote genetic adaption slowly build up an arsenal of powers based on all that sweet, sweet DNA you just fed it. It's gonna take longer to reach omnipotence than having the Infinity Gauntlet, but Alien X is Alien X and Alien X but with only the one personality that you don't have to argue with...

Meanwhile, Master Control on the Omnitrix means that you can just switch out to other alien forms in a pinch if the powers Carnage has adapted aren't enough yet.

It's slower but it's much more efficient than just cludging a bunch of redundant **** together.

[Anonymouswizard]

Is this a British thing? Generating all manner of euphemisms for something?

Do elephants hide in cherry trees?

Wouldn't more heterosexual people mean less potential love triangles since there would be less possible combinations of people being into each other?

Non-cis-het people are more likely to be poly, who's response to love triangles tends to lean towards 'just get a bigger bed you idiots'.

[Peelee]

Bathrooms should look like perfectly pristine linoleum

Imean, if you want to be boring and hygienic, then that's an odd way ro spell "tiled".

It's mostly that I'm ignorant about UK stuff. There's England, Scotland, two Irelands, and... an Isle of Man?

United Kingdom

two Irelands

UNITED Kingdom

two Irelands

Let's just reconsider that, shan't we?

Well. I see you like to live dangerously.

Because they said Isle of Man and not Isle of Lucy, indeed.

[LaZodiac]

Also I'm now imagining you as the Canadian Madame Maupin. You can sing opera, right?

Only on the off-season, and tragically my voice is probably better suited for deep booming stuff.

What? No! They should be tiled! With ceramic or porcelain tiles! And any mats should be rubber! Anything else gets infected!

I mean I'm not talking about shag carpetting, but there are synthetic short-hair floor mats that are safe, you just need to watch them every so often? It should be fine.

Also linoleum can be tiles, it's fine. Ceramic or porcelain work too of course.

Like, seriously.... Even if we assume he went on some quest to get tis stuff and assume the best-case scenario...

It's still excessive.

Related to your endless quest for better and better bodies, I suggest you watch Delicious in Dungeon and Bravern still.

Imean, if you want to be boring and hygienic, then that's an odd way ro spell "tiled".

Linoleum can also be tiled!

[Ionathus]

There's a whole lot of you, I'm still trying to work out why.

Oh, that one's easy. Every time a Dave Matthews song plays, a straight baby pops into existence at a Panera Bread somewhere.

They just hand it over with your order and it's yours now! Care is relatively straightforward: feed it Lunchables and Pop-Tarts until it turns 12, then Pizza Rolls after that until it graduates.

My working theory is that it's a defence mechanism by the law of narrative causality to ensure the continued existence of love triangles.

Wouldn't more heterosexual people mean less potential love triangles since there would be less possible combinations of people being into each other?

Big pet peeve of mine: love triangles are almost always a misnomer. Those depicted in fiction are overwhelmingly a love angle, with two people competing over the third. This is usually boring and contrived melodrama, and the narrative pressure of "being fought over" almost never does the vertex character justice since they have to be wishy-washy to drag out the story.

I'm reading a court romance / fantasy novel right now, and all three of the leads are the same gender. I have high hopes to finally see a true love triangle in fiction.

[LaZodiac]

Big pet peeve of mine: love triangles are almost always a misnomer. Those depicted in fiction are overwhelmingly a love angle, with two people competing over the third. This is usually boring and contrived melodrama, and the narrative pressure of "being fought over" almost never does the vertex character justice since they have to be wishy-washy to drag out the story.

I'm reading a court romance / fantasy novel right now, and all three of the leads are the same gender. I have high hopes to finally see a true love triangle in fiction.

My favorite love "triangle" is still the one from Cybersix, where the main character is in love with this one guy, who is in love with her... and her male alter-ego that she uses as a disguise, and he doesn't know who he loves more, and she doesn't know how to be with him as either form but knows she wants to be with him.

[DavidSh]

Regarding the Isle of Man:

Yep (oddly enough, the other islands also have men, though)! Wales and the Channel Islands are a myth, never the less. No such places!
w

And the Silly Isles? OK, Isles of Scilly

[Anonymouswizard]

Only on the off-season, and tragically my voice is probably better suited for deep booming stuff.

Well of course, I said OPERA.

Big pet peeve of mine: love triangles are almost always a misnomer. Those depicted in fiction are overwhelmingly a love angle, with two people competing over the third. This is usually boring and contrived melodrama, and the narrative pressure of "being fought over" almost never does the vertex character justice since they have to be wishy-washy to drag out the story.

Are you remembering to account for hate being negative love? That generally gives the third side.

I'm reading a court romance / fantasy novel right now, and all three of the leads are the same gender. I have high hopes to finally see a true love triangle in fiction.

Gay polycules are good polycules!

[Rater202]

Related to your endless quest for better and better bodies, I suggest you watch Delicious in Dungeon and Bravern still.

While I can see the logic in Bravern, I'm not sure how Delicious in Dungeon applies. Eating a well-balanced diet composed of a variety of foods coupled with getting adequate rest is important but can only do so much.

[Lord Raziere]

Like, seriously.... Even if we assume he went on some quest to get tis stuff and assume the best-case scenario...

It's still excessive.

Honestly, in my mind the only artifacts you actually need in that are the Infinity Gauntlet. Omnitrix is powerful for its universe, but all its effects can be replicated. Lantern Rings have the problem of needing specific emotions or will to work. like I have no doubt I could probably power the Red Lantern Ring forever, but I'd also be angry and that impairs decision making. Green Lantern Ring, thing is I'm not sure how good my willpower actually is, I have a done a lot of things to be disciplined but I also give into temptation at times. so Infinity Gauntlet would probably be the best one in my mind.

as for storytelling purposes, its not impossible to make someone handed ultimate power interesting, but it is very difficult. it'd be a story requiring a lot of thought about the implications, and lot of taking it slow, not immediately using it to solve everything. the conflict would be very much the person wielding it against their own worst self and the moral implications of the things they can do with such power, probably.

[LaZodiac]

While I can see the logic in Bravern, I'm not sure how Delicious in Dungeon applies. Eating a well-balanced diet composed of a variety of foods coupled with getting adequate rest is important but can only do so much.

I mean some of the more deep-lore stuff of DIND. Like...

Spoiler: End game spoilers for Delicious in Dungeon

Show

Chimerafication and how it can manipulate the body, the wishes the Winged Lion can grant, the sheer power of being a Dungeon Master.

[Rater202]

I mean some of the more deep-lore stuff of DIND. Like...

Spoiler: End game spoilers for Delicious in Dungeon

Show

Chimerafication and how it can manipulate the body, the wishes the Winged Lion can grant, the sheer power of being a Dungeon Master.

Spoiler: I mean...

Show

VCimerafication involves comingling your soul with that of another creature and runs the risk of, well... We see what it runs the risk of. Meanwhile the winged lion and being a Dungeonmaster seem more like faustian bargains than anything lewgitimate

I think as of right now the "reincarnate by body-jacking that Carnage offshoot" plan I alluded to in a tongue-in-cheek confession is the best option I've come up with.

[Metastachydium]

Also linoleum can be tiles, it's fine.

It's also this weird plastic thing that wears and tears much faster and all manners of things stick to it. I'd rather go with a cold cement floor and I'm a FLOWER!

United Kingdom

Yeah, they should have stayed the Divided Kingdoms of the Two Britains and Several Isles, One of Them Called Ireland or Something. And keep Aquitaine.

And the Silly Isles? OK, Isles of Scilly

We shouldn't go there. It's a silly place.

[Ionathus]

Wales should be the seat of power for the United Kingdom.

They have a dragon on their flag. The math just makes sense.

Are you remembering to account for hate being negative love? That generally gives the third side.

Of course not, because I don't believe that, because that's some grade-A small-batch artisanal insanity you're peddling. "Hate is negative love"? Nobody tell Episode III Yoda or it's gonna throw off his whole "[Emotion] leads to [Worse Emotion]" flowchart

A more serious answer: sometimes the two competitors do hate each other. Sometimes one of them considers the other not worth wasting emotions on. I can take or leave it either way, but it still ain't a love triangle.

The worst one, though, is when the two competitors remain amicable, and say "well, I guess we'll both just do our best and it's down to whoever [Person 3] picks." You'd think this would be the mature way to handle it but of course, the writers never treat it this way. It's always cast with the gross veneer of an overt competition, where Person 3 comes out looking like just a prize to be won. Yuck.

[Bohandas]

Wasn't hate as a form of love the premise of the second act of Homestuck?

[enderlord99]

Wasn't hate as a form of love the premise of the second act of Homestuck?

It wasn't even a significant concept until the fifth act, and even then the answer is "not exactly"

[Peelee]

Wales should be the seat of power for the United Kingdom.

They have a dragon on their flag. The math just makes sense.

Hear, all ye good people, hear what this brilliant and eloquent speaker has to say!

[Rater202]

Wasn't hate as a form of love the premise of the second act of Homestuck?

It's not that it's considered a form of love, it's that it's considered a form of romance.

Trolls recognize four forms of romance, two of which are sexual and two of which are not, two of which are positive and two of which are negative. They are referred to as "quadrants." Positive relationships are refered to as "Red Rom(ance)" and "Black Rom(ance)"

Matepritship: Positive, sexual. Basically what humans would consider romantic love, but it's insisted, at least in the main timeline, insists that mutual pity is a component. this is refered to as the flushed quadrant and is represented by a heart.

Kismesitude: Negative, sexua. Basically, imagine being sexually attracted to someone you hate. It's the pitch quadrant and is represented with a spade.

Due to a combination of the vagaries of troll reproductive biology and alternative being engineered from the ground up to be a toxic ****hole, trolls who do not have a dedicated matesprit and a dedicated kismesis by the time they come of age are culled

Moirail: Positive, platonic. A life partner... maybe a romantic friendship. The general idea is someone who you trust and can both receive and give emotional support to without fear of betrayal. The Pale quadrant, represented with a diamond.

Auspitice: It's possible for unstable or oxic relationships to vacillate between black and red romance, for example, Vriska and Tavros keep alternating between Matespritship and Mismesitude. In such cases, an auspicitious is sort of a mediator who keeps them from flying off the rails and killing each other. Referred to as the ashen qaudenret, it's represented with a spade.

...Notably, these are not emotions or relationships that are unique to trolls. Humans are capable of all four relationship types, we just don't see them as romantic, and cherubs are pretty much exclusively wired for Kismesis.

...Damn it. Now I want to go through my favorite shows and see which relationships fall under which quadrants.

[LaZodiac]

...Damn it. Now I want to go through my favorite shows and see which relationships fall under which quadrants.

I knew a guy who was 10000% for real actually in a Kismiss with his wife of like 10 years and it was mutual on her end and they were both some of the most adjusted people I've ever seen despite everything this implies.

*looks expectantly from over the edge of my book*